Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

In today's episode, Laurie and George are joined by Casey and Meygan Caston, founders of Marriage 365. Marriage 365 provides a comprehensive approach to help couples improve connection in their daily lives through books, coaching and courses. Motivated by the near destruction and repair of their own marriage, Casey and Meygan made it their mission to share the tools that helped them far and wide. You won't want to miss this engaging conversation between these relationship experts! Listen how they moved from a marriage full of assumptions to creating a framework for connection. Visit www.marriage365.com to learn more about Casey and Meygan and make sure to rate and review this episode wherever you stream our pod. Keep it hot y'all!

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In today's episode Laurie and George sit down with fellow Sex and Relationship Expert, Dr. Emily Jamea for a conversation on sex in the flow state and the secrets to great sex found in her book, 'Anatomy of Desire: Five Secrets to Create Connection and Cultivate Passion.' Dr. Jamea is also the host of the podcast 'Love and Libido' and is eager to share her knowledge with our Foreplay audience. You will be fascinated to hear all that is happening to the brain and body during sex and how couples can use this information to get unstuck from the monotony and into a state of flow. Our hosts and Dr. Jamea discuss the five secrets every couple needs to know to improve their sex lives. Sensuality, curiosity, adaptability, vulnerability and attunement are the pillars that create and cultivate intimacy, passion and a truly transformative sexual relationship. Want more from Dr. Jamea? You can purchase her book on her website www.emilyjamea.com Keep it hot y'all!

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Welcome Foreplayers to another great episode in

the 'School of Love.' We are staying with the emotional pursuer in this

episode and asking them to reach deep. All to get the Hollywood ending

you've dreamed about as the pursuer...getting your emotional needs met.

The pursuer has discovered the unmet need below the protective move

which is often anger or criticism and now it's their turn to share it

with their re-engaged withdrawer. Our hosts provide a great role play

where they not only identify the need but ask their partner for help

here. This may sound like, "I feel unimportant here and I want to feel

really important to you. Can you help me here?" These are the

conversations that create secure relationships. If the negative cycle is

the clashing of unmet needs then the positive cycle is unmet needs met.

As you work towards this you will find that this space is much more

organic, fulfilling and natural than the previous negative cycle. As

Laurie says, "the molecules just all come together!" Therapists, if

you're wanting to help your clients gain more security in their sexual

relationship make sure you join us in Nashville in January for our next

training.

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Welcome Foreplay listeners! Today's episode is another in our 'School of Love' series that we are close to completing. We are talking today about how to stay and keep focused on the pursuing partner as they express their vulnerability. Listen in as George and Laurie breakdown the steps a couple needs to have completed before getting to this point and how both partners can stay focused on the pursuer's pain. This is a place where withdrawers are now able to give their pursuing partner love that they never received before. This can be scary territory for both but this is also the place where a new, positive and secure cycle is created. The key here is responsiveness. Focus on ways to respond to your partner's pain that helps them feel seen, heard and understood. These are key attachment needs that are important to us ALL. 

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"I'm always the one to bring up issues. I want our relationship to be better so I work to address the discomfort between us. Somehow this is a problem and I am now seen as THE problem, a nag, someone that can be tuned out. I've worked so hard here. Help!!!" If this sounds familiar, then this episode on the pursuer's position in the relationship is for you! Join our experts today as they focus on the inside world of the emotional pursuer and help them with the change event that leads to healing in the relationship. George and Laurie work to get underneath the layers of the pursuer's protest to help them and the emotional withdrawer in their life understand the pain, anguish and desperation of the pursuer. This softening event is the gamechanger for pursuers and our recovering emotional withdrawers are pivotal in this change! Learn how to manage rejection and communicate the underlying need with safety and vulnerability. Our hosts' roleplay highlights for listeners exactly what this conversation can sound like. Make sure to come back for our follow up show on the sexual pursuer next time. As always, keep it hot y'all!

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Will sex ever happen between us? If this has been a sticking point in your relationship then this episode is for you! Join our hosts today as we talk through what it looks like when the sexual withdrawer is re-engaged. The negative cycle is de-escalated, a new positive cycle has been created and there is enough safety to uncover the wants and needs of the sexual relationship. Give this show a listen to hear what the conversation between a de-escalated and more secure couple sounds like and how to make this happen. Our hosts remind you that pressure serves no purpose in the bedroom and a truly de-escalated couple will keep pressure around sex low and slow. It's important to remember that sometimes we have to go slow, to go fast. Make sure to give us a rate and review and keep it hot, y'all!

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In today's episode, join hosts Laurie and George as they uncover the ultimate move that creates lasting change in couples. The changemaker for a negative cycle is when the withdrawing partner is able to stay in their fear and uncover their unmet need. In the negative cycle the old move to sense the discomfort and move away immediately begins to be replaced with a new ability to tolerate and remain present. Staying in the fear, with your partner close at hand allows you to ask, "What do I need here? Can you help me with it?" This new experience sends a message through the body and brain that this is now safe and we are rewarded with closeness and comfort where there was once isolation. We are not meant to be alone! George reminds withdrawers that you must risk if you want the reward. Our hosts role play, guides listeners in this meaningful conversation and reminds them, this is possible in your relationship! Therapists--Join us in Nashville January 25-27th for our Sex and EFT training to help your couples with their negative sexual cycle.

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In today's episode, Laurie and George answer a listener's mailbag question. We love getting these write-ins and acknowledge the courage it takes to ask for help! Our listener is a burned out or almost burned out sexual pursuer that is frustrated and saddened by their sexless marriage. Covid, menopause, adult children at home are circumstances this couple is facing and blocks for intimate connection. George and Laurie give expert advice on how to navigate this situation, some of the physiological challenges impacting this couple and how to craft a thoughtful, caring and loving conversation to bridge the gap. Both pursuers and withdrawers will gain insight into the lives of their partners and we remember to blame the cycle to de-escalate the tension and encourage vulnerable conversation. Need help in your relationship? Send us a question on our website www.foreplayrst.com

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You've probably waited years for your partner to hear you and make the changes you've needed. So why does that change now make you feel pissed off? The answer: mistrust is part of the change process. Learning how to manage this mistrust is imperative for couples when they are changing their negative cycle. In today's episode join our hosts Laurie and George in a fantastic conversation on what happens to us when our partners start to make the changes we've been asking for, for years and why that can cause mistrust. You'll learn what's happening in your brain when there is a red light, yellow light or green light in connection and strategies to promote regulation and connection. Remember, our brains are wired to protect and they want to hold on to the negative information for safety. Leaning into the mistrust and planning for this with your partner as you're changing together will help you navigate this new territory and be more successful. Therapists looking to get more training on the sexual cycle make sure to head over to our website www.foreplayrst.com to learn more about our training in Nashville this January!

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Run, don't walk to listen to today's episode! Laurie and George lay out a transformational conversation between partners: when the sexual withdrawer begins to reenage. Re-engagement means, the sexual withdrawer is aware that something is not working, sees the negative cycle and their part in it and begins to open up to their partner about their underlying needs. This is a pivotal conversation and can be a gamechanger for couples that have been trapped in a negative sexual cycle. Both withdrawing and pursuing partners will find value in the expert commentary laid out by our hosts. Did you know that knowing what you need and sending clearer signals to your partner is a sign of secure attachment? For so many of us, being direct with what we want, need, like and desire has been off limits but it is a major component to secure and successful love. Join us today and drop a review of this episode so we know how we're doing!

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In today's episode, we're sounding the school bell and bringing listeners back into our 'School of Love.' This show focuses on motivating emotional withdrawers to be more open. If you're the pursuing partner you may find yourself screaming with excitement right now, withdrawers...not so much. Which is completely okay! Join our experts George and Laurie today as we make space for the withdrawing partner to: identify your protective move, understand why you do what you do, honor that protection and try something new. We get it, taking the risk to share emotion and let your partner in is tough stuff but we also know first hand the amazing change that can take place in relationships when the withdrawing partner is able to take this step. Make sure you grab your notebooks and pencils, our hosts drop great insight that you won't want to miss. Need a little more support? There is still time to sign up for our virtual couples retreat on October 4th. Head to www.foreplayrst.com for more details. 

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In adult partnered relationships we ask each other hundreds of questions on a regular basis. Most often, the questions we ask surround logistical needs, who's doing what and what time do we need to be there? So many of us underuse curiosity and open-ended meaningful questions. We get it! Life is busy and in efforts to get it all done, getting solid on the plans is a necessity. But as purveyors of bettering relationships and sex lives across the world, we are challenging our listeners to start asking each other about...SEX! Make sure to head to our website to check out the article from The Knot which inspired our show today, listing '12 Sex Questions for Couples'. Do you know what puts your partner in the mood? Do they like it gentle or rough? Anything new they want to try in bed? We know that if you don't ask you'll never know!

Any other questions you would add to this list? Head over to our Instagram @foreplay_sextherapypodcast and drop them in our comments. We can't wait to hear what you come up with!

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It's said that one of the biggest problems in communication is that we listen to respond rather than truly hearing what someone is saying. Sometimes, an even bigger issue is that we can't get a full sentence out before we are interrupted! Join our hosts today as they lead listeners through a conversation on interruptions and how to stop. George reminds us that information you want to interrupt with is probably valuable but the timing is off. Timing is key to creating more success in your communication with your love. When it comes to vulnerability, interruptions can flood the mind and they stop one of the most valuable communication tools...curiosity. Curiosity, as Dr. Laurie remarks, helps drain the poison from the partner that is feeling and working to express emotion. If interruptions cause problems in your communication with your spouse, make sure to listen to this show and take notes! 

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You may find you and your partner fighting about the

dishwasher, kids, money or sex. But what are you really fighting about? That's

what experts answer on this episode as they highlight the emotional cycle,

the sexual cycle and the impact of both. Couples are really set up to miss each

other and argue. It's an unfair reality that so many of us know. Some of us

need verbal communication and a strong emotional connection to feel close and

others need physical touch to create safety and connection. And when these

things conflict we experience misattunement. Join our hosts today as they talk

through a role play conversation highlighting this dilemma and the best ways to

repair it. The ability to repair is what makes couples great and able to handle

whatever conflict is thrown their way. Next time you find yourself arguing over

the dishes, maybe it's time to explore the cycles and if they are colliding.

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We all know the standard: missionary, doggystyle, woman on top but have you ever heard of these...the Stand and Deliver, the Pearly Gates, the Pretzel? Maybe you're scratching your head right now. We hope you're at least intrigued and ready to join us on this fun, playful episode where we are talking all things sex positions! Inspired by an article in a recent issue of Men's Health by Ian Kerner, sex therapist and author of "She Comes First," George and Laurie are introducing listeners to these positions and many more. Our sexpert, Dr. Laurie breaks down how these positions increase pleasure for both partners and can increase the quality of orgasm, lover connection and maybe even some laughter to the bedroom. This is a spicy episode that you'll definitely want to listen to with the lover in your life! 

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Male orgasms--seems pretty straightforward right? Think again. Join our experts on today's show to learn all about the male orgasm and how to make it better! George and Laurie take you through some of the mechanics of the male orgasm and introduce listeners to several strategies to increase the time, duration and pleasure of the male 'O'. Did you know that eating more greens and reducing your overall stress will lead to increased sensation during sex? There is so much more going on for men and their bodies than meets the eye. Listen as we explore the erogenous zones to hit, incorporating kegels (yes, kegels) into your routine and how to focus less on performance and more on the overall experience. Open up this conversation about orgasms with your love and how you can help each other get that better, hotter 'O' the next time you hit the sheets. Keep it hot y'all!

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The 'School of Love' is still on summer break and we can't help but think of it as the Summer of Love! While we're on break we are trying to keep things light and fun before our September session begins. Join us today as we discuss all things orgasm! Hosts, Dr. Laurie Watson and George Faller invite listeners to a conversation on the art of the 'O' and strategies that will really get things going. This is a no pressure show! Just because we're talking about orgasms doesn't mean you should run from this podcast to the bedroom with these expectations in hand. Rather we encourage you to think about what sets you up for success and helps your body get to this pleasure point. You'll walk away with some tips and tricks from our experts and tools to promote a positive and confident mindset. We encourage you to keep things fun, playful and light here and keep the pressure low. Remember pressure kills pleasure! Make sure to leave us a rating a review and head over to our IG @foreplay_sextherapypodcast and tell us what you think. We love hearing from you all!

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What memories does summertime bring up for you? For some the season might make you reminisce about long sunny days, swimming in a pool, sweet smells and your first love. It is a season through which sights, sounds, and smells can bring up right back to pivotal and formative moments. This episode is all about summer luvin' and how it 'had me a blast.' Hosts George Faller and Dr. Laurie Watson walk listeners through questions partners can ask each other using their B.E.S.T sex script and why this steamy season often gets us in the mood. Did you know that longer days and more physical activity lead to greater arousal? It's true! Thirty minutes after physical activity, the body is more primed and available for arousal than before. Listeners will walk away from this episode with ideas on how to have summer relaxation all year long, create bonding moments with your spouse to increase your emotional connection and more ways to keep things hot! Head to our website www.foreplayrst.com for a list of questions from today's episode. There you can also find more info on our virtual couples therapy retreat on October 4th.

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In this episode, Laurie and George answer a mailbag question from a Foreplay listener. She asks the hosts for help with her partner who is turned off by her bodily fluids during sex. A self-described sexual pursuer, she begins to worry about her withdrawing partner and the future of their relationship. George and Laurie work to reassure this listener that this is a common concern in relationships. Not everyone loves this exchange and that is okay! Listen as our hosts, guide a role play that will help this couple communicate about these issues and take the heat off the topic. This expert conversation will help both partners gain insight, get to the root of the issue, be curious and create a safe space to explore these differences. Don't miss these gems from the show: Change your language. Don't just focus on what you're getting or not getting rather share the longing underneath. Anxiety can cause you to obliterate the otherness of your partner. It's okay to have differences and they don't need to be wrong or bad. Both partners can grow and stretch in their sexual worlds. This is a lifelong adventure. Want more hands-on guidance from Laurie and George? Make sure to join us on October 4th for our virtual couples retreat!t

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It's time for a summer break from the 'School of Love.' Throw away your notebooks and let's dish on how to spice things up this summer! Are you tired of your stale routines and want to explore new things? Join us today as we talk about role reversals! We're helping the visual sexual responder take some risks and try seducing. Not sure what that means? Jump in with Laurie and George to find out what role you usually take on in your sexual relationship, how to switch it up and how to repair if the risk goes wrong. Included in this episode are novel ideas on how to initiate sex, increase desire and build empathy for each other. We're all about helping you have better relationships and better sex, take a break from your studies and soak it in. We also honor the life and legacy of Dr. Ruth, a pioneer in the field of sex therapy and a woman that made us all more comfortable with talking about the bedroom. Keep it hot y'all! 

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How can you know when you've united against the cycle? We've got you covered in this episode on the signs to look for and how to test for de-escalation. George and Laurie work through a role play and give an example conversation of what it sounds like when couples move from the you vs. me space to you and me vs. the cycle. We want to be on the lookout for seeing the cycle as a whole rather than a one off event, knowing your move and why and seeing how your move affects your partner. These three steps are the key to de-escalation and the ability to move into more vulnerability and deeper change in your relationship. You cannot miss this step if you want to achieve true, sustainable healing in your relationship. Not sure how to do this? Make sure you join George and Laurie for their virtual couples retreat on October 4th. If you're a couples therapist unsure how to incorporate the sexual cycle in your work, join us for an in-person training in Nashville in January. Head to our website for registration details. www.foreplayrst.com

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Foriawellness.com - get 20% off your first order! Try their Awaken and Arousal oil to enhance your experience in bed!

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We've worked in the last few episodes to name, externalize and unite against the emotional and sexual cycles that pit partners against one another. This episode is all couples finding common ground. On this common ground couples have more safety and are able to unlock empathy and deeply care about each other's pain. This is where true change and healing begins to take place. Each time partners encounter the cycle, they get better at naming it and coming back to the common ground space. Conversations become easier, less exhausting and more fulfilling because there is new experience of compassion, care and empathy available. Here we might let the pursuing partner know, "I understand where this protest is coming from. You make sense to me hear and I care about what you go through." We might signal to the withdrawing partner, "I understand how this makes you want to run and slowing down might make you feel safer." What might you want to say to your partner in this shared space? This school of love episode is bound to show partners that change is possible and how to keep working to create common ground together. Keep it hot, y'all!

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Did you know that 20% of couples can be defined as sexless by year 2 of their relationship? Why is this happening in the early stages of a relationship? Join our hosts on this episode as they break down what is actually happening in negative sexual cycles and how couples can unite against it. When partners are able to see their move, what happens when they are triggered and how it hurts their spouse, the cycle becomes so clear. It is a new way of talking about our problems that gets us out of the microview of who said what and into the macroview of the repetitive dance. This new lens allows couples to talk and stay connected in places where they may normally protest or shut down. George reminds us "when we can name it, we can tame it and then we can change it." Make sure to listen to the end when you get your new school of love assignment to better organize and understand your sexual cycle. Keep it hot y'all! 

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Do you find that you and your partner keep having the same arguments over and over, even though you're fighting about different things? If this is you, you won't want to miss this episode! Today's show is all about the negative cycle. Our hosts work to help couples organize what is happening and how couples can stop pointing the finger at each other and blame the cycle instead. Through this lens couples can feel more security and confidence in their interactions rather than thinking they have to solve each and every issue that comes up. If we don't start to see the cycle, the problems can feel endless and overwhelming! Make sure you stay on till the end to get George's homework assignment and head on over to our IG @foreply_sextherapypodcast and let us know your thoughts in the comments. Are you looking for more beyond our podcast? We're enrolling now for our couples retreat in October. Therapists interested in incorporating EFT and sex in the cycle? Join us in Nashville in January for our next therapist training. Visit www.foreplayrst.com to sign up today!

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Foreplay listeners, join us today in a 'School of Love' lesson all about the withdrawer's world! Withdrawers are often shutting down, walking away or seeming closed off in the cycle. These moves help them get safe and regulated but are a step in the negative cycle because the pursuing partner is left alone. When we can slow down, and be patient we can help to reveal the vulnerable underbelly of the emotional and sexual withdrawer. In two amazing role plays, hosts Laurie and George display exactly how to get slow, and get curious to learn about the ouch underneath the protective move. Vulnerability is the solution to the negative cycle and so much healing lies in these conversations. Withdrawing partners may often feel like they are messing up, a failure or that something is wrong with them. Pursuing partners may try to help by jumping in to reassure but this would be like diving into the shallow end of a pool. Staying in the deep but being there together is where the change happens. Let us know what notes you take from today's show and as always keep it hot y'all!

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When we’re in distress as a couple, it’s hard to see that our partners protective moves - either criticism or withdrawal - are really ways that they are covering their deeper hurt, pain and vulnerability. But in order not to be lost to each other, first, we need to recognize that we are in a cycle where our partner triggers us and we trigger our partner… over and over. Secondly, we have to allow enough space for our partner to express themselves without expressing our pain at the same time. We have to let them go first. Third, we have to get curious about the deeper meaning of their protective moves. Do they go away because they feel like they’ll never measure up? Do they harp on relational issues because ironically, they want us to have a better relationship?

Join George and Laurie today as they work through not just one, but two role plays in both the emotional and s*xual cycle and share with listeners what lies below the surface. To be successful here, listeners are reminded to have an understanding of the moves of their negative cycle and how each partner contributes. This way we can slow down, practice patience and have empathy for one another's vulnerabilities. Learning this process helps lovers meet one another in places where they previously left each other. Interested in working with an EFT couples therapist? Visit www.iceeft.com and head over to our IG @foreplay_sextherapypodcast. Let us know what you want to hear from us next. Keep it hot y'all!

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Today we're talking between the sheets or rather how to break the silence between the sheets. We always say that if you can talk about sex then you can have great sex. But what happens when you don't know what to talk about? Join our hosts today as they bring up how to start a sexy conversation and what to share with your intimate partner. Conversation might start with ideas about romance, foreplay, turn ons and lead to fantasies and more! The art of having these chats enhances your intimate world and deepens the bond that couples share. If you find yourself stuck in a sex rut, this episode can help you break out of the mundane and explore a more playful, fun side of sex with your honey. Keep it hot y'all!

Check out our fantastic sponsors (and help support Foreplay!):

Foriawellness.com/foreplay -- great massage oils to enhance your erotic times! The code 'foreplay' gets you 20% off your first order!

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In last week's episode we discussed the purpose of the protected moves. On today's show we are going deeper to the "ouch," the pain, the vulnerability that lies below that protection. George and Laurie invite listeners today to explore the pain that we can all feel when we experience rejection, shame or worthlessness in an interaction with our partner. They acknowledge that this is a HEAVY topic but an important one if we want to understand our moves in the cycle, ourselves and our partners on a deeper level. You may want to avoid these conversations but this is where we need conversation the most. Grab your pencil and take notes during the school of love lesson. Believe it or not, understanding the ouch can lead to a bigger, better O! 

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Do you ever wonder why you get angry in a fight? Have you been unsure why conflict makes you want to run? Join George and Laurie in today's episode to learn the purpose of your protective move, the healthy function it is trying to achieve and the impact it has on you and your partner. These moves, often seen as fight or flight are there to keep us safe and in some way to protect the relationship. However, this is where a negative cycle forms as each partner's protective move triggers a move in their partner and round and round we go. If you have been caught in this cycle you know just how exhausting it can be and probably have thought if we could just talk about it now, or if we could just take some space it would be SO MUCH BETTER! Learn with us today in this episode all about protective moves and how you can slow down and begin developing new moves, ones that can keep you connected with your partner. Get connected and keep it hot y'all!

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Join our hosts on this episode as they go over all things cycle! The emotional and sexual cycle is a tool that EFT therapists use to help clients find a way out of their current distress and better organize, express and connect. At the core of both of these cycles is distress that our brains code as a threat. Did you know that your brain reacts in a split second to assess threat, real or perceived? This healthy survival skill only gives us a few moves that you might recognize as fight or flight. In today's show, George and Laurie provide listeners with an overview of these cycles, the moves or roles that partners can act out and the intentions under each move. We're reminded that intention is different from impact and to have better, more secure relationships we need to see how we impact our partners. We hope you gain something from this school of love episode and see if you can apply it to your own relationship. Try asking yourself what happens to me in this cycle, what move do I make? Laurie drops this amazing gem, "Curiosity is the antidote to anxiety." Head on over to our instagrama @foreplay_sextherapypodcast and let us know your thoughts in the comments!

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Secure sex too often gets lumped in with BORING sex! Laurie and George are challenging this myth and shouting from the rooftops that secure sex is HOT! Join us today as our hosts review what secure sex looks like and how secure sexual attachment helps couples transcend the ordinary into the extraordinary. If you're reading this feeling despondent about the state of your relationship, have some hope and listen to our experts on how to create more secure sexual attachment. Repairing, owning your stuff, showing appreciation are just some examples of action that you can start taking today to create more security and have better, hotter sex! Don't miss out on this episode and fall asleep at the wheel believing secure=boring. Learn how great great lovers treat each other and what they do every day to ensure that their sex life is hot, hot, hot through the years. 

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This episode is dedicated to Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT and a beloved mentor, teacher and friend. We remember her legacy and devotion to helping couples love better. George and Laurie have been heavily influenced by Sue's contributions to the field of couple therapy, moving treatment from a predominant focus on behavioral change to creating healthy attachments and secure, loving bonds. Join us today, to connect over this profound loss and to hear the stories and memories we have with Dr. Sue Johnson. You won't want to miss out on what she thought about George's driving skills! Thank you Sue for your incredible work in this field and for the influence, information, education and love you shared. You will be missed greatly!

EFT Therapists! Laurie is coming to Chicago this month! Come join her!

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Welcome Foreplay listeners to another episode in our school of love series. Our residential relationship experts share with us the 4 things that stop progress and connection in relationships. The three A's abuse, addiction, affair and finally a partner not willing to take enough of a risk to re-connect. Join George and Laurie as they succinctly breakdown these roadblocks to connection and share what needs to happen first if any are present in your relationship. Our hosts remind us that safety in EFT is paramount and we can only get closer when there is a shared level of safety between partners. This episode is a must listen if you are facing any of these factors that may make connection impossible. Tune in today with an open mind and heart and another reminder that you are not alone!

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Let's talk about sex, baby! Not sure how to have the best sex talk? We put together a comprehensive list of topics to cover. Join us today as we work through the acronym we developed to set couples up to have the best talk about sex! Topics range from bodies to laughter and everything in between that couples need to talk about when it comes to sex and their relationship. Whether you are spending your first anniversary together or your 50th you will benefit from this episode. Having conversations about sex is vital to a long lasting and deeply satisfying relationship. Visit our Instagram account and click the link in bio to download our worksheet that guides you through this exercise. Keep it hot y’all!

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Not sure how to have a great conversation about your sex life? Don't worry, we've got you covered! In this latest edition of our school of love lessons, Laurie and George teach listeners how, when and where to begin this conversation. Starting is often the hardest part and it's so easy to build up all the ways this could go wrong in your mind. However, the ability to have these sometimes awkward conversations is vital to a lifetime of love. Join us today to learn how to bring up this conversation and the check-in questions partners can ask one another to gauge the status of their sex life. In this conversation, you'll move beyond how often we are/aren't knocking boots to understanding needs, depth of connection, intimacy and other factors that make great lovers. A fabulous George and Laurie role play will guide you through and is sure to give any couple a dose of confidence. TLDR; How to gracefully bring up a conversation about your sex life and the four components to cover. Keep it hot y'all!

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Did you ever stop and think about why you view sex the way you do? Where did your thoughts and feelings on sex come from? In this episode, George and Laurie discuss how cultural influences affect our view of sex. Culture includes race, religion, sexuality, location you were raised among others. There are so many factors that make up your perspective of sex and relationships. Listen to our hosts share how their cultural experiences have shaped their worlds and the work they have done to expand their views. They share that a key to understanding cultural influences more is flexibility and creative thinking. George and Laurie discuss expanding beyond a dualistic way of thinking that says "either, or' to 'both, and.' George reminds us we don't have to have all the answers, we just need to start the conversation.

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Last episode we invited listeners to have a candid conversation with their partners about emotions and how your family  expressed emotions. This week on our latest lesson in the 'school of love,' we are talking about how to have positive conversations about your sexual history. As therapists, we gather this information and call it a sexual assessment. The funny thing is, it's not all about sex! We are curious to learn about touch you experienced in life, how affection was displayed and how the family talked about sex or bodies. Touch is vital to human survival and it's important to gather that key information. Sometimes we work with individuals that grew up in emotionally disconnected houses but physical affection was fine to express. Other times we find that physical affection was not given and individuals have to shut down that need to be touched or held very early on. We hope that this episode will induce a conversation between partners to learn more about your earlier experiences with touch and sexuality. Grab your notepads, students and write down the following to get you started: What was touch like in your family? How did your family/peer group talk about sexuality and puberty? What were your first sexual experie nces like? How do you like to be touched? As always, keep it hot y'all! 

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Our latest installment in our school of love, introduces listeners to the essential questions to ask your partner to understand their attachment relationships. EFT therapists conduct an attachment history during their early sessions to better understand the protections of each partner and why they may use pursuing or withdrawing strategies when experiencing relationship distress. Join us today to hear the questions George and Laurie ask during their couples sessions and give us their answers and personal insights. When we can get more depth and understanding, there is a new ability to create lasting change. Even though the past hurtful event remains the same, the new information creates new opportunities. Make sure to take some notes during today's love lesson and work with your partner to find answers to attachment based questions such as: What did you learn from your family about emotions? Was there safety to express vulnerability or insecurities? Who comforted you in times of need? We hope this exercise helps you and your partner with the emotional assessment most relationships are missing. This week we're asking you to 'Keep it Sweet' because we all need a little more safety.

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Join George and Laurie as we answer a 'Mailbag' question from a listener that asks our hosts with their help to fix their sexless marriage. Sexless marriages are defined as having sex less than four times a year. Our listener shares that they love their partner but know that they withdraw both emotionally and sexually. She has worked hard to try ALL the things to increase engagement on both levels and finds that not much has changed. Our hosts are masters of empathy and begin a conversation with empathy and validation for both partners. George and Laurie work to take us inside the 'inner world' of the withdrawing partner to understand better the things that aren't being articulated. However, while our hosts validate the current state of the relationship they won't co-sign NOT having a conversation. Listen along today to hear Laurie and George's great suggestions which include finding an EFT therapist, naming the unnamed and reducing the pressure. Head on over to our website to submit your mailbag question!

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Attachment theory helps lovers make sense of why we do what we do in relationships. Developed from attachment theory, the theory of human bonding, are 4 attachment styles that characterize behaviors in relationships. We like to also call them strategies and we use these strategies as a means of protection when we sense a real or perceived threat in our most intimate relationships. On today's episode Laurie and George break down the four attachment styles and their presentation in emotional and sexual cycles. What's important to remember is that attachment relationships begin in childhood and span into adulthood, attachment styles are not fixed and can be improved, and once you name or identify something you can begin a conversation towards change. When we do internal work to become more secure in relationships we are able to take more risks, be more vulnerable and better tolerate ruptures. If you find that you identify with an "insecure" attachment style, it's okay! This is a great learning opportunity to learn more about yourself and what your needs are. Thanks for joining us today in our latest 'School of Love' lesson. Keep it hot y'all!

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Maybe you've decided that you need to work on your relationship but what is it exactly that you want to work on? You don't want to sit in therapy and rehash every argument you had that week. Most often couples want relief from their distress and for their relationship to return to a time of greater joy and happiness. Join George and Laurie today as they share how to determine what you want when you make a decision to improve your relationship. Your homework assignment for this school of love lesson is to write down a list of positive qualities and interactions with your partner and your relationship strengths. These essential qualities are often not commented on and there can be a tendency to be problem focused when you consider your relationship. Negative feedback creates more negative feedback and this is when couples become stuck in a negative interaction cycle. Next, we encourage you to think about what you want to improve and how you can take action to make some changes. Finding clarity in what you want to work on in your relationship is a great first step to creating a fulfilling and meaningful relationship with both partners. Hop on over to our Instagram account @foreplay_sextherapy and share your thoughts! 

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Welcome Foreplay listeners to a can't miss episode with our friend and colleague Dr. Corey Allan co-host of Sexy Marriage Radio podcast. With over 13 million downloads Corey and his wife Pam, lead couples in deepening and improving conversation about physical intimacy and keeping your marriage sexy. While we are missing George today, we are over the moon to have Corey on as a guest. Are you afraid to let your partner in on your sexual longings? Maybe you know what you want but have no idea how to start the conversation, let alone contine it. Hear Laurie and Corey talk about the best ways to craft these conversations and speak to your partner in the most self-respecting way. How to recover quickly from disconnect to reconnect and kicking perfection out of the bedroom! This episode is filled with amazing gems on marriage that are sure to resonate. Make sure to give them a like and follow on IG @sexymarriageradio and visit their website at  https://smr.fm/  for more information on course, coaching and retreats. George will be back with us next time as we continue working to keep it hot y'all! Like what we're doing? We'd love to have you rate and review our show wherever you stream Foreplay.

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The saying goes that laughter is the best medicine. In our work as couples therapists, we've seen the power of shared laughter between partners. Laughter has the ability to derail an oncoming cycle, increase playfulness and deepen the bond between lovers. We've also seen moments where humor falls flat and complaints disguised as jokes cause damage. Today's show has listeners learning about the benefits of laughter between partners and creative ways to increase laughter in your bedroom routine. Recalling Emily Nagowski's work from the best-selling book "Come As You Are," hosts Laurie and George discuss when humor is a gas pedal or a brake when it comes to sexual connection and desire in relationships. We encourage listeners to remember that timing is key, we have to consider impact over intent, and find out what makes us laugh together. When laughter is a shared experience it opens up the hearts of lovers even further!

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Today we are welcoming an attachment expert and our dear friend Julie Mennano, LMFT to the pod. You may know Julie already from her incredibly popular instagram account @thesecurerelationship. With over one million followers, Julie has been educating about attachment theory and EFT on Instagram since 2020 and is the owner of Bozeman Therapy and Counseling, LLC in Montana. She is joining us today to share her new book Secure Love and to help our listeners understand what secure love looks like in action. Julie will break down the four attachment styles and how couples can work to maintain the integrity of their bond through conflict and misunderstanding. Her beautiful work helps us understand how to keep a balance between heart and mind. Couples that read Secure Love will learn more about their attachment bond, being connected even in conflict and how to treat loved ones with care. We encourage you to pick up a copy today to create a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Included is a chapter on secure s*x, which we know our listeners will love! Thanks and keep it hot and secure y'all!

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Foreplay listeners, join us today for a lesson on emotions! In this installment of our 'Love School' series George and Laurie are letting listeners in on the meaning of emotions and how we can lean into our feelings to improve our love life. There are 5 universally recognized emotions and behind each emotion lies a longing or need. In relationships miscommunication occurs because our non-verbal signals display these emotions well before our verbal communication has a chance to catch up. Go behind the science of emotions and communication with us today and learn how to repair when a bid for physical intimacy begins to go wrong. There is a depth of emotion to explore in s*x and this episode will give you actionable steps to having better conversations. Have you liked our lessons on love? Let us know by leaving a rating/review wherever you listen to our podcast and give us a follow on Instagram @foreplay_sextherapypodcast

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Time to get nerdy with us today listeners! We're taking another deep dive into the science of love and bonded relationships and exploring more about attachment theory. We've noticed the trend over the years of big labels being stamped on relationships and it can leave the outlook on love a little dim. Our hope in this episode is to provide more education on behaviors that are created to deal with distress in close relationships. We cite some great research from leading experts, like Peggy Kleinplatz and Girut Birnbaum dedicated to the study of relationships, for couples and therapists around the world to help people love one another better. If you've experienced distress and disconnection and may have some disillusionment about love we invite you to learn more about attachment. We know that strong relationships lead to better quality life and health. Understanding attachment and the science of love is key to getting you there. This is the education we never got in school but so desperately need!

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This episode is all about attachment theory. Attachment styles have been buzzing in the pop psychology world recently. Our hosts invite listeners to learn more about attachment theory which helps us understand why we fight the way we do and why our partner reacts to conflict in the way they do. Attachment theory is based on the idea that we are here to connect and life is all about relationship and meaningful connection. Join us today as we break down attachment theory, and the attachment styles secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized. Laurie and George help us put on our attachment lenses to make sense of relationship behaviors that are often misunderstood. You'll take away the useful tips from acronyms A.R.E and O.I.L and how to make your relationship more secure today! Let's us help you love better this year!

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Grab your pen and notebook for this, you're going to want ALL the notes from this episode! George and Dr. Laurie answer a mailbag question from a longtime listener about bl*w jobs. More specifically, wanting to know how to talk to their spouse about feeling disappointed that this isn't happening in their sex life. We know that this might be a tense topic for some but our hosts do a fantastic job of equalizing this and addressing what stops oral sex from happening for either partner. Touch, taste, smell and thoughts around the physical aspects of the act are some of the reasons that block or*l sex from being a more regular part of your repertoire. Laurie and George give us some tips and tricks on how to improve basic gential hygiene. Most importantly, these experts discuss the communication issues that present and block partners from having a successful conversation about this topic. As always George reinforces, "if a couple can have a conversation about something then anything is possible." Learn how to work through this delicate conversation with your partner and strengthen the security in your sex life today!

Therapists, if you want to help your clients gain more success around these conversations, make sure you join us for our upcoming Sex and EFT training this January. There is still time to register on our website. We hope to see you there!

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If you've ever scratched your head and wondered 'why does my partner do that?' this episode is for you. What if you could understand the waves that hit you when you face rejection or failure with your partner? This episode will help you do exactly that. We've talked a lot  about pursuers and withdrawers in past episodes. Join us today as we name the five waves that each position experience in a negative cycle. George shares that we need to understand the waves to develop language in these sometimes dark places. It will be hard to communicate what you don't have words for and our hosts want to help you develop the vocabulary to speak openly and honestly to your love. What better way to start off the new year than learning how to love better. Grab your surfboards listeners and come along with us to learn how to ride the relationship waves with ease!

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Welcome listeners to today's episode! A pick six in football is when the opposing team catches an interception and returns in for a touchdown. This can either be the most exhilarating or devastating play of the game depending on which team you are cheering on. Either way, it is an exciting play that can change the outcome of the situation. Join us today as we have a little fun and apply this to relationships. In today's episode you will learn how to salvage a relationship mishap. George and Laurie share several examples of common cycle starters and how we can override the automatic response and respond more relationally. Your partner tries to initiate s*x but you are busy. You see their disappointment and feel yourself getting critical, learn how to slow down and communicate with your partner. In another example, your partner asks for your help and you brush them off because you have SO many more things to be working on. Your partner reacts by shutting down: learn how to re-engage and support them! Intimate relationships are a series or ruptures and repairs and the most successful couples have a solid repair strategy. Gather your favorite teammate and listen to this episode to improve your repair playbook today!

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But, George and Laurie, what is "rizz?" Rizz, selected as Oxford's word of the year for 2023, is defined as a slang term used to describe someone's ability to flirt. The word may be familiar as its origin is the existing word charisma. Join us in this episode as we break down what is rizz and how to apply it to your relationship. Maybe you're already one of those people that has a keen ability to light up a room, draw others to you, be self-confident and also intune with your audience. Some of us may struggle here but learning to rizz better is possible and perhaps something to add to your 2024 resolutions list. Our hosts implore us to do this by: improving active listening skills, eye contact, making conversation more personal, and better attunement as strategies to improve your rizz. They also note that most of us have strong rizz at the start of a relationship because we tend to put in more effort and intentionality when we are pursuing a new partner. However life takes over and that focused effort often wanes leading our rizz to drop with our intimate partners. We had a lot of fun on this episode keeping up with what's hip and we hope it's a fun and playful conversation to share with your partner on increasing intentionality in your communication. Keep it hot y'all!   

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Shame is an emotional experience that confirms our biggest

insecurities. S*x is a sacred space that requires us to be naked physically,

emotionally and spiritually. We don't want to think of shame here, rather we

decide that s*x "should" be: passionate, spontaneous, simple yet, s*x

with your intimate partner can trigger shame. Join us today as we discuss the

reasons why we can feel shame around physical intimacy. George and Laurie lead

listeners through a valuable conversation on what parts of an individual

become exposed in this vulnerable place and how to begin to make sense of those

internal messages. George reminds us that the antidote to shame is in

connection and humans are not meant to face shame in isolation. We explore the

deeper attachment themes present and Laurie highlights the dilemma of shame;

sharing shame with a loved one increases safety but we need safety to be able

to share shame. If a s*xual experience with your partner has ever felt like

rejection or failure this episode is a must listen to help you understand how

to address the "relationship ouch" and open up a conversation with

your partner that is full of healthy relationship risk taking. Make sure to

visit our website www.foreplayrst.com

and leave us questions or comments in our mailbag. We want to help you bust

shame and keep it hot y'all!

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In a relationship when we experience emotional hurt we quickly want to assign meaning to the feeling. Our brains are wired to make sense of the threat and a pang of rejection can send our thoughts spiraling. Then BAM we are in the cycle with our partner. Join us today as we help you make better and more accurate meaning to slow down this automatic process and keep you from falling head first in the negative cycle. As EFT therapists, we work to make reframes of protective behavior to help individuals expand meaning and perspective. When you can hold more space in your body for the physical sensation of an emotion you keep your brain in a neutral zone. A neutral zone will help you be open minded, think relationally and use communication skills like curiosity, understanding, validation and empathy. You will leave this episode with examples of common inaccurate meanings, why your brain does this, what to do instead and how to talk to your partner better. Head on over to our instagram page and let us know in the comments what meaning you commonly assign to your partner's behavior. We want to help you get out of this trap and love better and have better sex!

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You grind so hard all year in hopes to spend quality time during the holiday season with your love but when the time comes you end up getting caught in the cycle. Has this ever happened to you? The holiday season brings out the extremes and primes relationships for the classic blame/attack cycle. Partners locked in tension often scream "you're too much/you're not enough" while putting on cheerful faces for family photoshoots and out of town visitors. We see the challenge and we've been there before! Join our hosts today as we open up a conversation on the many conflicts couples face during the holidays and how to stress less together. George and Laurie discuss the invisible workload and mental labor that goes into making holiday magic, the demands on time and energy and the cycles that couples get locked in. This episode will help each partner expand their perspectives and start a valuable dialogue of ways to support one another better, increase appreciation and create time to step under the mistletoe. We know that making memories isn't easy work and we want to prevent your relationship from taking the hard hits this year!

Check out our sponsors!

Check out our great sponsors:

CozyEarth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'!

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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Warning this episode is NSFW and you might want to sit down for this one! Is dirty talk part of your love making repertoire? Dirty talk is defined as talking explicitly about sex with your partner. These explicit words run the gamut and can either be a major turn ON or turn OFF. Join our hosts today as they not only give us a list of dirty words to use during sex but discuss how to artfully bring up this HOT topic with your love. This is an area that you want to approach thoughtfully. Moving too fast has the potential to ruin the fun that dirty talk could bring to your sex life. Here are some great questions to ask if you want to test the waters in this arena: "How do you want to talk about our sex?" "Is there a specific name or language you want me to use about your body parts, our moves during lovemaking?" "What ways can we create comfort and also turn up the heat?" Find out how your partner wants to hear it and learn what it does or doesn't do for them. Getting to know your partner better is always a good thing! Keep it hot y'all!

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A fetish is an object or part of the body that turns someone on sexually. How do partners safely discuss fetishes? Join George and Laurie in today's episode as they answer a mailbag question from a listener who discovered that their spouse has a foot fetish. This episode is for you if you have a fetish that you're unsure how to share with your spouse or you have learned about your spouse's fetish. Dr. Laurie shares that rather than shut down the fetish a couple can focus on expansion of sexual worlds. She provides direction on taking the sexual charge the fetish creates and making use of it in a way that supports the sexual relationship between partners. Exploring sexual fetishes may cause conflict between partners and George reminds us that better communication here is key. We reduce the fear of the unknown by having good conversation between lovers and learning how/if this fetish is integrated in the relationship. We want to thank our listener for sending in this question and opening up our audience to the topic of fetishes. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic!

Make sure to drop us a line either in our listener mailbag or over on our instagram page @foreplay_sextherapypodcast Thanks as always for helping us keep it hot, y'all!

Check out our great sponsors:

CozyEarth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'!

Addyi.com/Foreplay -- Ask your gynecologist about this drug that helps women with low libido!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Foreplay listeners, join George and Laurie in this episode and help us celebrate 4 years of podcasting together! It has been quite a ride with our fearless love experts at the helm and we look forward to continuing to help our listeners keep it hot! Today we are breaking down the formula to unlock female desire. Listen as we share the 3 key ingredients that we have found are a common theme among clients, friends and in studies. They are emotional connection before sex, relaxation before sex and wooing/wowing your love. Women need emotional connection to unlock their sexual desire. Tune into the emotional needs of your female partner and focus on high levels of emotional engagement. Ask yourself: Am working to ensure that my lady feels seen, heard and understood? Next, never-ending to-do lists often keep women trapped in a constant state of go, not allowing for the proper amount of relaxation to help prime the body for desire and sexual connection. A spa day a few times a year is great but just won't cut it when it comes to unlocking female desire. Help your love protect her space and focus on relaxation. Lastly, we're talking about wooing and wowing. Getting explicit with compliments, playfulness, flirtations to directly signal how much you want and desire the woman in your life.

We'd love to hear your feedback on the episode. Make sure to rate and review us!

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Foria -- A wonderful sex oils with 20% off your first order. Foriawellness.com/foreplay or use the coupon 'foreplay' at checkout.

LifeMD.com --lifemd.com/FOREPLAY today and see why LifeMD is America’s most trusted leader in virtual healthcare

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Laurie and George answer a mailbag question in this episode. "I think my husband has been faking orgasms...how can I bring this up without increasing the anxiety he may already be feeling?" We want to thank our brave listener for reaching out to us with this question and bringing up a topic that is rarely discussed. Our hosts help provide language for couples and also make more explicit the emotions that end up driving the 'faking behavior'. Learn how to start a difficult conversation with your partner and pay attention to these key takeaways from this episode: the compliment sandwich, reducing unhealthy shame, giving men the permission to not orgasm and taking some of the pressure off. We love helping listeners with questions like this, so make sure you visit our website and drop us a note!

Check out our great sponsors:

Uberlube.com -- Uberlube is our preferred lubricant for great sex! It's silicone-based and won't stain, is water-soluable, and is all-around fantastic!

OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is it exactly that women want? As the conversation of patriarchy and toxic masculinity have buzzed over the past few years (and for good reason) we're all left scratching our heads navigating this conversation. Join Laurie and George today in this exploratory conversation on masculinity and modern relationships. Spurred from a weekend away with Dr. Laurie's girlfriends filled with laughter, LOTS of conversation about sex and the lyrics from the song, 'Cover Me Up' by pop country star Morgan Wallen we get our topic for today's show. The song describes a man down on his luck, abusing drugs and alcohol yet taking the woman that he loves with wild abandon. Get the chance to hear how this made Laurie swoon and why other women may be so turned on by clear and direct sexual signals. This is certainly a topic that may heat things up physically with a tad of controversy but one that we think is worth talking about in bedrooms everywhere. We want to hear your thoughts on masculine energy. What does it look like? What does it do for you? When is it too much, too little? Help us engage this topic with some curiosity and openness.

Make sure to pop over to our instagram page @forelay_sextherapypodcast and leave your thoughts in the comments. As always, keep it hot y'all!

Check out our fantastic sponsors (and help the podcast!):

OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

Cozy Earth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

George reminds us that the sexual relationship between adults is the ultimate playground and reclaiming that energy is what makes great lovers! When couples identify and de-escalate their negative cycle they can sometimes become unclear about what happens next. You've been so trapped in the conflict that doing something different is relieving yet we still crave more depth in the partnership. We share the good news of what the payoff is from all the hard work!

Join us today as we expand on this and help both pursuers and withdrawers answer the question of "what now?" In the negative cycle partners encounter one another's protections. The protective moves are covering up a negative emotion and underneath the negative emotion lies a very important need or longing. Everyone has these needs and they are healthy! This is an engaging conversation that you don't want to miss because it provides the keys for transformation. Get more clear on the safety you need in your relationship and what the negative emotion is telling you about the longing underneath.

Let us know how we're doing by rating and reviewing our podcast and following us on instagram @foreplay_sextherapypodcast

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Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%!

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In this episode, George and Laurie explore the world of the sexual withdrawer. In the sexual cycle, withdrawers avoid, shut down or turn away from sexual connection. This causes the sexual pursuer to feel rejected, hopeless and abandoned and their reaction often confirms the withdrawers worst fears about sex. Anxiety does what anxiety does and a tension begins to form around this precious part of their relationship. Join us as wedeep dive into the sexual withdrawer's fears and help them discover what draws them away from connection to their sexual self. A lack of touch in early childhood, sexual trauma, shame around body image or expression of sexuality will undoubtedly cause someone to shut down their connection to sex and sensuality. This exploration allows the sexual withdrawer to safely investigate this area and express the fear around reaching for or engaging in sexual connection. A key takeaway in this episode is helping sexual withdrawers identify what they actually want. Special shoutout on this episode to our friend and colleague, Julie Mennano of @thesecurerelationship Julie's instagram content provides great nuggets of information on attachment and relationships. Give her a follow today!

*We want to make the disclaimer that partners always have the right to say no in a relationship and our material is not applicable to any form of abuse in relationships. If you are concerned about abuse inyour relationship we encourage you to find a safe computer and learn more about the signs. Visit www.thehotline.org

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"Since the majority of women are responsive to desire, does that mean all women are sexual withdrawers?" Dr. Laurie says, "Absolutely not!" Join us on the episode as Laurie and George break down the difference between initiating and responsiveness and the pursue/withdraw cycle. How they look similar and how they are different. We discuss underlying needs and tactile ways in which each partner can take risks to deescalate negative cycles and bring more connection to the relationship. Pursuers and withdrawers will feel validated and comforted with the information in today's episode and walk away with action steps on how to improve their relationship with their spouse. We hope you join us and download and share this episode. Let us know how we're doing by rating and reviewing our show. Your feedback helps us keep it hot!

Check out our fantastic sponsors!

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide!

Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join Laurie and George in this episode as they answer a mailbag question from a devoted listener. The sexual pursuer asks the experts how can I tell my partner I am longing for more erotic connection without it coming across as criticism and causing my partner to shut down. George and Laurie validate this pursuer and all their efforts they put forth for the relationship and come alongside to help them communicate with their love. We discuss how these partners might be missing each other and how they can embrace their erotic and develop a more expansive erotic vocabulary. Not sure what to say to your lover beyond, “baby, you look so good”? Then make sure to download and share this episode and wow them with your words!

Check out our sponsors!

Foria Wellness -- try their excellent sex oils! Their Awaken Arousal and Sex Oil are excellent for enhancing a woman's orgasm! Try it and see! Use the link Foria or use the code 'foreplay' and get 20% off your order!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You might be downloading this episode hoping to hear about a sexual position but this episode is all about going deeper into VULNERABILITY. Laurie and George get curious with the longings of the sexual pursuer and sexual withdrawer, what their experience is and how it manifests in the cycle. A sexual pursuer might be asking, "am I too much?" and the sexual withdrawer might find themselves asking, "am I enough?" Join our hosts today as they bring these fears to light and share with listeners how we can take accountability for how our longing is expressed in the cycle and freedom to explore "Who am I and what do I want without these protections taking over?" If you are looking to understand your cycle more, make sure to download this episode today and share with your love. Take away from this episode good information on recognizing the cycle, helping each other with pain and discovering new parts of yourself and your partner. As George says, "It is so inspirational to see how love can heal when it is shared in these dark places."

Check out our great sponsor for this episode:

Uberlube -- Uberlube is our preferred lubricant for great sex! It's silicone-based and won't stain, is water-soluable, and is all-around fantastic!

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Sights, sounds and smells OH MY! There are many aspects to sex that can cause embarrassment for partners. We are here to let you know that so many things you are worried about are NORMAL! Join us in this episode to hear our list of '10 things not to be ashamed of during sex'. Maybe you were told that women weren't supposed to make noises during sex or incorporating a vibr@tor was wrong. Whatever the message was, you may be dealing with shame around sex that stops you from having an earth-shattering orgasm and a healthy sex connection between partners. Listen to Laurie and George break down the top 10 things that cause shame that shouldn't and how to have these types of conversations with your partner. We encourage you to ask yourself what messages did you receive around the thing that causes shame, have you ever shared it and how is it affecting you? Come along with the experts, download this episode and share with your partner so you can move from shame to sensation together!

Check out our fantastic sponsors!

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

Foria Wellness -- try their excellent sex oils! Their Awaken Arousal and Sex Oil are excellent for enhancing a woman's orgasm! Try it and see! Use the link Foria or use the code 'foreplay' and get 20% off your order!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you have anxiety when it comes to your sex life? Maybe you identify with the sexual pursuer role in the relationship and find that you are the partner that keeps track of when and how often you have sex. This can create so much pressure for you and your partner! Join Laurie and George today as they discuss four ways anxiety is killing your sex life and the tools you need to fix it. George reminds us that anxiety can put us in yellow brain, meaning we cautious with our lovers because we are fearing rejection and loss of connection. If this is something that shows up in your relationship, this is a must listen episode. Download and share with your partner as an exercise to join with each other and face the anxiety together. Like what we're doing? Make sure to rate and review wherever you listen to our podcast and give us a follow on Instagram for more great info!

Check out our sponsors!

Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide!

OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Delayed ejaculation is when a man cannot reach orgasm intervaginally during sexual intercourse. If this is something you have dealt with, you are not alone! We know that this can be frustrating and embarrassing for men that have experienced this and today's episode will provide you with tangible tools to overcome it. Join George and Laurie today as they discuss delayed ejaculation, the cause of it and problem solving strategies. Download this episode to learn how to reduce the pressure around orgasming and how to communicate with your partner. Don't forget to join us on September 8th for our Great Love and Great Sex virtual couples retreat. We are so ready to help you have better love and better sex in your relationship!

Check out our fantastic sponsors:

Foria -- foriawellness.com/FOREPLAY OR use code FOREPLAY - These oils help enhance a woman's orgasm! Field tested by Laurie's crew. Use the link and get 20% off your first order!

OMGYes.com/FOREPLAY - Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

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Welcome listeners! Today we are saying F the Cycle and using good energy to help deconstruct the negative cycle and rebuild a positive connection. In this episode George and Laurie reinforce the brain training concept, 'Name it to Tame it' in regards to the sexual cycle. Why is naming the cycle so important? It is because the initial reactive response comes from the limbic region of your brain. The primitive part of your brain that senses out real or perceived threat and gives you only a few options, fight, flight or freeze. All of these protective moves are designed to do one thing: get you to immediate safety. They do not promote connection or the needs of the relationship. Since these moves get us to safety and in control they feel good in the short term. Overtime, however, they erode connection in the relationship because of how the move impacts your partner. Naming the cycle takes the response from the limbic region of your brain to the frontal cortex where we gain a better sense of understanding and organization to what is happening. In simpler words, we become less reactive and more responsive. Come get a little nerdy with us today and learn more about how relationship distress affects your brain and take the opportunity to unite with your partner and say "F the Cycle!" Make sure to leave us a rating or review to help spread the word about Foreplay. Better sex and relationships for all!

Check out our fantastic sponsors!

CozyEarth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you take your partner's behavior personally? Learn how not to in this episode! It's common for individuals to engage in pursuing or withdrawing behaviors in their relationships. If not feeling heard or understood by your partner you might push to move through the conflict or withdraw to move away from it. Both moves are meant to create safety but can continue to cause more distress between partners. In this episode, Laurie and George discuss the moves of pursuers and withdrawers, how partners can often flip roles based on the situation and how to have a conversation that leads to understanding and connection. Listeners are reminded that you don't have to be perfect but good enough. Try asking yourself this question to understand your moves and your partner's more: What is happening for me that I am pushing/withdrawing? What could be happening for my partner that is causing them to push/withdraw? A little more vulnerability to keep it hot y'all!

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Today we are celebrating the 400th episode of Foreplay Sex Therapy Podcast! The idea for the podcast originated after Laurie was told by commercial radio that she was too spicy for broadcast. Their loss is our gain. Join Laurie and George today as they celebrate this major accomplishment AND give us all the details on women's pleasure! Listeners will walk away with do's and don'ts and many new techniques to help yourself or the lady in your life achieve sexual pleasure. If you love our show please leave us some love by rating and reviewing the podcast wherever you stream episodes. We need YOU to help us spread the word about Foreplay. Help us keep it hot y'all!!

Thanking Joe our editor! Rebecca our faithful social media person, Krista - long-serving social advisor, SamGetsSocial, our new social media help!, Madison - our former social media person, Derek - our tech guru and Dr. Adam Mathews - friend and former co-host! Send you all love - couldn't have done it without you!!!

Check out our most excellent sponsors!

Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide!

Uberlube.com -- Uberlube is our preferred lubricant for great sex! It's silicone-based and won't stain, is water-soluable, and is all-around fantastic!

OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oof listeners, this is some hard content that we are discussing today! Loss of attraction is often shared as the reason for the ending of a relationship. Maybe partners never felt deeply attracted to one another, or attraction waned over the years. Regardless of the reason, this is a must have conversation before it's too late. Join George and Laurie today on ways to artfully bring this conversation up with your spouse, to help share your feelings and also mitigate disaster. While this may seem like one of those difficult, untouchable conversations if it goes unsaid it's likely to cause a deep disconnection. From this episode, you'll gain a better understanding of why you may be experiencing this, how you contribute and more confidence in how to talk about it. Download this one and make sure to leave a review and rating for Foreplay so we can continue to help partners have better sex!

Check out our sponsors!

Foria Wellness -- try their excellent sex oils! Their Awaken Arousal and Sex Oil are excellent for enhancing a woman's orgasm! Try it and see! Use the link Foria or use the code 'foreplay' and get 20% off your order!

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What's better than two relationship experts hosting a podcast? When they invite a guest and now listeners are privy to THREE relationship experts! Join Laurie and George in a special episode where we welcome Dr. Stan Tatkin creator of PACT couples therapy. PACT is a fusion of attachment theory, developmental neuroscience, and arousal regulation. Stan is the author of several books, notably "Wired for Love" and his newest release, "In Each other's Care." Come along with us as George and Laurie role play a session with Stan and discuss the intersection between PACT and EFT all in effort to help couples create more conscious connections and loving relationships.

Check out our sponsors!

Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide!

Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How often do you check in with your spouse where there is no agenda? We often check-in on logistics and focus on the caretaking needs of the family but do you ever just have moments where you ask your partner, "How are you, really?" Join our hosts in this episode to hear about the POWER of the intentional check-in with your partner. These conversations are primed for connection and help meet the attachment needs that we all have to be heard, understood and seen by a safe and loving other. They are not solution-focused, or goal-oriented conversations and it's important to frame them as such. Intentional check-in conversations help us slow down, work on being present and open with each other. If you haven't had one recently, we encourage you to download and share this episode and get the conversation going today!

Help us spread the word about Foreplay! Please vote for us in the People's Choice Podcast Awards! Click here and find us under 'Health'!

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Manscaped -- the Performance Package 4.0 is here! Great grooming products for 'down under'! Coupon code 'foreplay' for 20% and free shipping!

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We've seen it in the movies and on TV, the sexy, good-looking couple in bed that climax together. The simultaneous orgasm is a goal many couples think they need to achieve for mind-blowing sex. The problem? It sets most of us up for failure when we don't meet the Hollywood ending. Join George and Laurie in today's discussion on how couples can achieve simultaneous orgasms, the good conversations to have around orgasms and how to talk when it doesn't work out as planned. Sex that doesn't end the way you had hoped can be disappointing. However, if you don't acquire the skill to talk about this with your partner that disappointment will fester and has the potential to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Good sex with your partner is achievable and it starts with a good conversation about sex!

Great Love Great Sex Online Retreat coming up! Listeners, make sure you sign up for our Great Love and Great Sex virtual couples retreat happening on September 8th, 2023. Registration is open now on our website.

Check out our sponsor:

Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In the quest to answer the age old question "What do women want?" have we forgotten to stop and ask how women work? Join George and Laurie today for a thrilling conversation to learn about how women are wired. Laurie describes that 50% of women have receptive desire. Meaning their brain needs to stop thinking about the needs of others and click over to 'think sexy.' Men are driven by a 24 hour testosterone cycle that helps make them much more spontaneous lovers while women's levels rise and fall in a cyclical pattern. These differences can create sexual tension but we have some great tips to help get couples on the same page. Differences aside, we can all land on sex being an enjoyable experience for all! Download this episode today to learn more about the inner world of the woman in your life, how to be a secure and confident lover, getting better at timing and expressing desire. 

Check out our sponsors and support the podcast!

Foria enhances your sex life with natural oils. These are absorbed into your skin and enhance the sexual experience. Their Awake & Arousal Oil and Sex Oil are great ways to have a better orgasm. Try it you'll like it! Use the link above or use the code 'foreplay' at checkout to get 20% off your first order.

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"Not tonight, I'm just too tired." If this phrase has echoed off your bedroom walls then this episode is for you! Life's demands, new baby, chronic illness, age are all reasons we have for being too tired. In fact, recent research touts just how important a good night's sleep is for our health to manage stress and reduce anxiety. What happens though, when you turn to your partner to initiate love-making and more often than not you meet their sleep mask or snores instead of their kisses and warmth? Join George and Laurie in this episode for a conversation around the need for sleep and sex! We discuss how we can be sensitive to our partner's need for rest and also when tiredness might be a sign of relationship disconnection.

Check out our sponsors!

Cozy Earth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you threatened by a vibrator? Maybe it's something you've been thinking about using or only using alone. Vibrators can play an important role in a couple's sex life but might bring up myriad emotions. You may worry that a vibrator means that you are a bad lover but we hope to reduce the stigma around sex toys! Most women do not orgasm through intercourse alone and using a vibrator to stimulate her clitoris may help her body get into the zone for an orgasm. As we hear from Laurie in this episode, "If you increase the amount of orgasm, it's better for everyone!." Join our hosts to learn: how to talk about using a vibrator as part of your love making, how to get started with a vibrator, and Laurie's recommendations!

There is still time to register for our virtual couple's retreat, Great Love and Great Sex, happening on September 8th. Head to our website www.foreplayrst.com to sign up!

Also please check out our sponsor ZocDoc! They have the medical referral you need, when you need it. Finding the right doctor (in the right area with the right insurance...) can be challenging. ZocDoc is your one-stop referral source that allows you to find the help you need!

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Everybody in a relationship needs to learn this! Join Laurie and George today as they discuss and teach an integral relationship skill, asking for what you need from your partner in a way that increases connection. Each individual in a relationship has their own set of longings. Expressing a longing in a vulnerable way is SCARY. It's scary because we fear a negative reaction from the person we love the most. That fear drives us to mask and express the longing in a more protected way. Instead of, "I miss you and I really want to spend time with you." We end up saying, "Oh, so you're going to be late again." And BAM, we are in a negative cycle. George and Laurie are experts at showing us how and why it goes wrong and the strategies to set it right. Make sure to download this episode and share it with your partner so you can both learn how to express your needs in a way that increases connection, emotional and sexual in your relationship today!

Join us on September 8th at 9am EST for our virtual couples retreat, Great Love and Great Sex to learn more conflict resolution skills and keys to a more loving relationship and how to keep it hot after all these years!

Check out our highlighted sponsor for this episode:

Cozy Earth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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When our brain is in a threat response our view narrows and we typically only see our side. Relationship research shows that secure couples are able to find common ground in conflict and widen their perspective to include their partner. Holding opposing points of view helps to reduce the negative cycle as partners are able to understand, validate and provide empathy to one another. And we know that this can be SO HARD! Join George and Laurie for today's episode where they discuss and role play how to find and stay on common ground with your partner during conflict.

Join us on September 8th at 9am EST for our virtual couples retreat, Great Love and Great Sex to learn more conflict resolution skills and keys to a more loving relationship and how to keep it hot after all these years!

Check out our sponsor for this episode:

Foria enhances your sex life with natural oils. These are absorbed into your skin and enhance the sexual experience. Their Awake & Arousal Oil and Sex Oil are great ways to have a better orgasm. Try it you'll like it! Use the link above or use the code 'foreplay' at checkout to get 20% off your first order.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Who of our listeners wants a Full Bodied Orgasm? Join Laurie and George in this episode to learn all about the full bodied orgasm. A FBO is one that is felt throughout the entire body not just concentrated to the genitals. Laurie was recently interviewed and quoted in several publications, describing a full bodied orgasm and that it is in fact a real thing! This truly is the sex education you didn't get and men and women alike will want to listen to this episode to learn more about an orgasm that spreads throughout your entire body and some tips on how to make it happen. And don't worry if you've never had this happen before. We are firm advocates that all orgasms are good orgasms! Listeners, make sure you sign up for our Great Love and Great Sex virtual couples retreat happening on September 8th. Registration is open now on our website.

Check out our sponsor for this episode:

Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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In Episode #389 Laurie and George discuss common roles in couple's relationships around sex. Are you the partner that initiates or the receptive partner? Our hosts detail that there is no right or wrong to either of these roles but when stuck in a negative cycle, couples can easily pathologize their partner. "Oh, all they ever think about is sex. They just want to get off." Or, "They are so cold. If I don't bring it up we would never have it at all." If this sounds like something that happens in your relationship, then this is an episode you will want to download and share with your partner! Listen as George and Laurie, get into the minds of each partner and the valid reasons they do what they do. In a negative cycle, protection drives interactions and couples lack the ability to be understanding, empathetic and de-escalated to listen to their partner. Join us in learning more about initiating and receptive sex and think about this homework assignment from G: Thank my partner for the way they show up, take ownership of my move in the cycle and share that to one another.  

Please check out our online couples retreat -- Great Love & Great Sex -- September 8, 2023!

Also please check out our sponsor ZocDoc! They have the medical referral you need, when you need it. Finding the right doctor (in the right area with the right insurance...) can be challenging. ZocDoc is your one-stop referral source that allows you to find the help you need!

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Boring is a signal and it's a sign that something needs to change! A complaint about monogamy is that the line between responsibility and desire often gets blurred and it is responsibility and safety that win out. Long-term couples come to therapy with a complaint that sex is predictable and had become boring. Join our hosts in this episode as they explore what might be lying under the surface. Are you simply disengaged from life? Or is there a relational dynamic that has caused a couple to disengage from desire and their ability to express desire to each other. Our hosts remind us that sex is an exciting adventure and the safety of a long-term partnership invites us to take even more risks. If you have been thinking that sex with your honey has been a little stale, you'll certainly want to download this episode. There is still time to take advantage of our early bird discount for our Great Love and Great Sex virtual couples retreat on September 8th. We hope to see you there!

Check out our sponsor:

Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%!

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In this listener mailbag episode, Laurie and George receive a thoughtful question from a sexual withdrawer, asking help from our hosts. They notice that as their partner asks what they want in bed, they are often empty and unknowing of the response. George and Laurie work to honor the protection of emptiness that can be present for many sexual withdrawers. The experience of not knowing the self or the needs of the self has ties to early childhood or influential relationships where there was safety in disowning needs. They provide valuable insight on the protective position and tangible strategies for listeners. If you consider yourself a sexual withdrawer or are in a relationship with a sexual withdrawer this is an incredible episode to listen to, download and share! We welcome couples to join us on September 8th for our Great Love and Great Sex virtual couples retreat! We have a breadth of information to share for sexual pursuers and withdrawers.

Check out our sponsors and support the podcast!

Foria enhances your sex life with natural oils. These are absorbed into your skin and enhance the sexual experience. Their Awake & Arousal Oil and Sex Oil are great ways to have a better orgasm. Try it you'll like it! Use the link above or use the code 'foreplay' at checkout to get 20% off your first order.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

"Mistrust is part of the change process." We long for things to change, for the negative cycle to shift and for us to achieve closeness and connection but it is SO normal for blocks to occur during this time. Join Laurie and George in this episode learning about blocks to sexual connection, common blocks for pursuers and withdrawers and tools to use when a block occurs. Our hosts encourage us to predict the blocks and create a plan for repair, honor the function of the protection and get more comfortable in exploring the fear underneath. A key takeaway is that we become myopic during the cycle. Success in closeness is illustrated by predicting your partner's block, and being flexible to their underlying need.

Check out our Sponsors:

Uberlube - Laurie's long time favorite lubricant! She's been recommending Uberlube to her clients for years! Use the code 'foreplay' to get your discount!

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Can we ever get out of this place, this cycle? The answer is a resounding yes! Stage 1 in EFT works on de-escalating the negative cycle and creating more safety between partners. When there is safety to take the risk of expressing your longing that lives underneath the protection to your partner, lies the solution to creating a more secure relationship. In this episode Laurie and George, illustrate for listeners the sexual withdrawer's longings and how they can share them to their love. You'll want to listen to this episode for these tips: how to go into the feeling, the signals that your body gives to expose your fear, and how to ASK your partner for help. Sexual withdrawers may need: understanding, acceptance and reassurance. George and Laurie encourage us to be brave in these dark places because we are not supposed to be here alone!

Make sure to sign up for our online couples retreat for all things Great Sex and Great Love happening on September 8th.

And check out our sponsors:

ZocDoc - Download this tremendous app to help you find the medical help you need, when you need it. No more having to figure out how to login to your insurance website to find a doctor or medical specialist. ZocDoc puts that all right at your fingertips! Use the code 'foreplay' so they know we sent you!

Uberlube - Laurie's long time favorite lubricant! She's been recommending Uberlube to her clients for years! Use the code 'foreplay' to get your discount!

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After the negative cycle is de-escalated, couples have the opportunity to create a new positive cycle. When there is safety to take the risk of expressing your longing that lives underneath the protection to your partner, lies the solution to creating a more secure relationship. In this episode Laurie and George, illustrate for listeners the sexual pursuer's longings and how they can share them to their love. You'll want to listen to this episode for these tips: how to get the timing right, the signals that your body gives to expose your fear, what you need from your partner and how to ask for it! Make sure to sign up for our online couples retreat for all things Great Sex and Great Love happening on September 8th. 

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Welcome listeners to another great episode of Foreplay Sex Therapy Podcast! Recently, Laurie read the book, "The Existential Importance of the Penis: A Guide to Understanding Male Sexuality" by sex therapist,Daniel Watter and it sparked a conversation between Laurie and George. Low desire, erectile dysfunction, vaginismus are classified as sexual disorders that disrupt sexual function. The discussion by our hosts encourages us to explore further what our genitalsare saying when they are not "functioning" to standard. This existential approach allows us to explore beyond disorder and ways the body may be protecting itself during sex. This could signify untreated anxiety, relational distress or a new developmental stagethat is creating a crisis in a partnership. For example, after the birth of a child a relationship experiences a developmental crisis as it shifts from a partnership to parenting and caretaking of a child. It is often during these developmental changes thatnegative cycles are formed due to the change in the relationship. This is an innovative lens to look through and we hope you love this episode as much as we did!

Check out our sponsors and support the podcast!

Foria enhances your sex life with natural oils. These are absorbed into your skin and enhance the sexual experience. Their Awake & Arousal Oil and Sex Oil are great ways to have a better orgasm. Try it you'll like it! Use the link above or use the code 'foreplay' at checkout to get 20% off your first order.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Uberlube - Laurie's been recommending Uberlube to her clients for years! Long before foreplay because it is soooo good for a great sexual experience. Use the code 'foreplay' so they know we sent you!

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Welcome listeners to episode #382 of Foreplay Sex Therapy Podcast! Join Laurie and George in a discussion on re-engagement of the sexual withdrawer. In this episode, Laurie shares about recent work she has been doing with a couple as the sexual withdrawer is taking new risks in the relationship. Laurie shares that when the sexual withdrawer begins to re-engage they are getting in touch with their own internal cues, examining the space between in how they communicate about sex ("I don't orgasm through intercourse alone. I worry my partner doesn't like my smell."), and get really specific about sexual technique. The SW expresses a LOT of vulnerability here as they express to their partner what they like sexually and what turns them on. Listen to George and Laurie as they discuss new moves in the sexual cycle and their hope for the sexual withdrawer.

Please check out our fantastic sponsors!

Cozy Earth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%!

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"Sometimes popping two gummies on vacation helps us have really great sex!" "I really need that glass of wine to get me in the mood!" "Smelling alcohol on your breath is such a turnoff!" As couples and sex therapists, we've talked to thousands of partners about how alcohol and substances affect their relationships. Sometimes couples report that alcohol is a major block to sexual connection, others share that it can help them get out of their heads and make sex more enjoyable. In your relationship, is alcohol a gas pedal or a brake? Meaning it turns you on and helps with desire, arousal, orgasm or it shuts you down and you withdraw from sex. If seeing your partner drunk is a sexual brake, you may feel rejected by their advances because they wouldn't typically act like that sober. If alcohol is a gas pedal, you may feel your inhibition lower and it's more comfortable to access thoughts about sex and connection to your body. Listen to this episode as George and Laurie discuss the function of alcohol in sex and relationships and what you may need to explore underneath if it is a gas pedal or brake. Our hosts approach this topic with non-judgement and are explicit that alcohol and substance use runs on a wide spectrum and affects people in many ways. We know this may open up myriad reactions from our listeners and we welcome your feedback! As always, thank you for listening and keep it hot, y'all!

Check out our sponsors!

Foria Wellness -- try their excellent sex oils! Their Awaken Arousal and Sex Oil are excellent for enhancing a woman's orgasm! Try it and see! Use the link Foria or use the code 'foreplay' and get 20% off your order!

Cozy Earth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

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"If couples can talk more about sex, they end up having better sex." G drops this great quote in this episode. We all have sexual scripts based on what we learned about sex in our families, cultures and societies. These contextual factors can cause us to either be very open, neutral or avoidant when talking about sex. Listen to Laurie and George roleplay a conversation between a sexual withdrawer and sexual pursuer that at first initiates a negative cycle but then works on a repair conversation. As a sexual pursuer, your excitement about the act may lead you wanting to talk about it afterwards. You're really wanting to hear and share about the experience with your lover. A sexual withdrawer may just want to bask in the afterglow and can start to feel the pressure to 'get it right' in that conversation. We also take into account what is happening physiologically after sex. Arousal is a disinhibitor, wherein we feel more free to let go and let pleasure take over. After sex, when no longer aroused you may be feeling more vulnerable as you come back to the self and might not be ready for the debrief. If you enjoy this episode and others make sure to leave us a review or follow us on Instagram for more content to keep it hot!

Check out our great Sponsors!

Hello Fresh! -- Hello fresh helps you eat healthy even when you have little time. Their meals are delicious, easy to prepare, and they give you everything you need -- in the right proportions! George and I love the meals that Hello Fresh provides. Go to Hellofresh.com/foreplay60 and get 60% off your first order! And free shipping. What a deal!

Athletic Greens (AG-1) - Get your health needs met by taking AG-1! All the probiotics and vitamins you need in a simply and tasting shake. Make an easy shake as often as every meal and you'll be good to go. Use the code 'foreplay' to get a years supply of Vitamin D and a free travel pack with your first order!

ZocDoc - Download this tremendous app to help you find the medical help you need, when you need it. No more having to figure out how to login to your insurance website to find a doctor or medical specialist. ZocDoc puts that all right at your fingertips! Use the code 'foreplay' so they know we sent you!

Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Just like in therapy, we learn just as much from our listeners as you learn from us! A few weeks ago, we put out a request on our Instagram feed, @foreplay_sextherapypodcast for listeners to send us their best sex tips. Let us just say that, you DID.NOT. disappoint!! On this episode, George and Laurie read through some of the tips submitted: from being more intentional, to building anticipation and celebrating gray sweatpants season, this is a super fun and informative episode. Make sure to listen and share with your partner for some fresh ideas to keep it hot!

Sponsor:

Factormeals.com/foreplay50 and use code foreplay50 to get 50% off your first box

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Welcome listeners! This episode centers on using Viagra or other medication to help with erectile dysfunction and if they are addictive. Join George and Laurie as they discuss the prescription medication, the reasons behind erectile dysfunction and danger signs to look out for. A key theme of the episode is communication with your partner around the use of Viagra. Make sure to catch this episode to have your burning questions answered and hear Laurie shine as our resident Sexpert! What questions about sex and relationships do you have? Make sure to visit our website and submit questions to our mailbag. If you find our podcast helpful please make sure to leave us a review and share!

Please check out (and buy from!) our great sponsors:

Hello Fresh! -- Hello fresh helps you eat healthy even when you have little time. Their meals are delicious, easy to prepare, and they give you everything you need -- in the right proportions! George and I love the meals that Hello Fresh provides. Go to Hellofresh.com/foreplay21 and get 21 free meals! And free shipping. What a deal!

Athletic Greens (AG-1) - Get your health needs met by taking AG-1! All the probiotics and vitamins you need in a simply and tasting shake. Make an easy shake as often as every meal and you'll be good to go. Use the code 'foreplay' to get a years supply of Vitamin D and a free travel pack with your first order!

Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Picture this, you walk in from a hard, stressful day at work and finally see your partner--your person. You say to them, "Honey, today was such a hard day. Everything went wrong. It was really bad." Your partner replies with, "Well, look on the bright side you're home and your job helps us keep this beautiful roof over our heads." Your body deflates a little. Your partner just brightsided you when you were really hoping for a little sympathy and comfort. This is defined as 'Toxic Positivity': an experience where someone shares something along a negative vein and the responder replies with the brightside, silver lining or overt positivity. In this episode, George and Laurie discuss how toxic positivity affects interactions between partners, why partners might anchor towards using it and how it causes disconnection in relationships. Listeners will take away intent v. impact, and how partners can shift from avoidance of negative emotion to connection through it and end up on the bright side together. If this shows up in your relationship either as the doer or receiver this episode is sure to spark a great conversation! Thanks for listening and keep it hot y'all!

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Foria: Deeper, fuller pleasure with Foria's Awaken Arousal and Sex Oils. Get 20% off your first order by visiting foriawellness.com/FOREPLAY OR use code FOREPLAY at checkout

Check out our great sponsor Uberlube. Use the coupon code Foreplay to receive a 10% discount!

Building a Lasting Connection -- a wonderful, and fun relational game that helps build lasting connection. Try it out and improve your relationship. Use the coupon FOREPLAY to get 20% off!

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CNN News Anchor Don Lemon recently baffled viewers on air when he said that women of a certain age are past their prime. His female co-hosts, mouth agape as Lemon doubled down on these claims. We at Foreplay felt compelled to respond to this unqualified remark. As therapists, we know that sexuality spans the life cycle and episode #376 challenges Lemon's antiquated notion as George and Laurie discuss sexuality as we age and the often invisible topic of Menopause. Women AND men do not want to miss this episode to learn more about menopause: when it starts, how long it lasts, changes to expect and tips on navigating body and sexual changes. We encourage men to be an active part of this process to help their wives cope with these changes and we emphasize the PAUSE piece. Women can see this as an opportunity to learn and explore their new body, ask what it needs, practice acceptance and find some freedom at this stage. Let us know what you think of the episode by leaving a review or sending us a DM on instagram. 

Check out our great sponsors:

Hello Fresh - Quick, easy, fun meals. In the hurly-burly of life, it's nice to have some meals ready to make that taste great! No more staring into the fridge wondering what to make!

Uberlube - Laurie's long time favorite lubricant! She's been recommending Uberlube to her clients for years! Use the code 'foreplay' to get your discount!

ZocDoc - Download this tremendous app to help you find the medical help you need, when you need it. No more having to figure out how to login to your insurance website to find a doctor or medical specialist. ZocDoc puts that all right at your fingertips! Use the code 'foreplay' so they know we sent you!

Building a Lasting Connection - The Couple Connection System is a fun, gamified way to deepen your communication, intimacy, and connection. It's fun and informative!

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Sexual discrepancies are common in relationships. While they occur to varying degrees, an inability to have safe and secure conversation on this topic with your partner can result in the formation of a negative sexual cycle. A dark cloud can form over this wonderful part of an intimate relationship and we risk sex being viewed as negative, rather than positive, loving and bonding. Inspired by a listener question, George and Laurie tackle the challenge of sexual discrepancy in this episode. This is a MUST LISTEN for couples that see the shift in their sexual worlds after becoming parents but don't know how to talk about it, have tried to talk about it before and it hasn't gone well, or might not have the energy to touch it with a ten foot pole! Both the partner that wants sex more often and the partner that may feel overwhelmed by how much they give to others will benefit from L & G's role play and come away with ways to say it better, express more vulnerability and face this dark cloud together. Sexual discrepancy is not an ending, it's an opportunity! 

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Factor -- Fresh, quick, delicious! What more could you want from a prepped meal. Nothing to chop, nothing to prepare, just pop it in the microwave and you're ready. Flavor packed with any kind of menu you could want -- keto, vegan, and everything between. Use the code 'foreplay50' for 50% off your first meal.

Uberlube -- the best sexual lubricant on the market! Laurie's been recommending Uberlube for years; smooth, silky, silcone-based so that you don't have to worry about the problems of oil-based lubricants. Use the code 'foreplay' for your discount!

All you therapists out there! Come to our 2-day training on integrating the sexual and emotional cycles. How and when to bring up the sexual cycle, supercharge you couples work with Unleash the Power of Sex in EFT. Click here to find out more!

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Allow me to introduce you to Dear Albie, a podcast hosted by Albie Manzo. And with the help of family and friends, he tries to answer old (and new) advice questions as best he can. Relationships, sex, etiquette, dead dogs, bored housewives, honeymoon protocol — and everything in between. The advice show you never knew you needed — every week, wherever you get your podcasts, and on the Cloud10 and iHeart Radio networks.

Listen on Apple & Spotify

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Listeners, Valentine's Day is upon us and Laurie and George have compiled a great list of gifts and ideas both romantic and spicy to help you celebrate the day. If you're groaning over it being a commercialized holiday, we invite you to remember this can be a valuable day to celebrate your bond and try out some new moves. If you're looking for some unique date ideas, ways to express how you feel about your love or some fun products to try out make sure to download this episode to get in the mood. Share this with your lover and talk about whether you want a naughty or nice (or both) Valentine's Day!

Check out our fantastic sponsors:

Foria -- These oils help enhance a woman's orgasm! Field tested by Laurie's crew. Use the link and get 20% off!

Cozy Earth - The softest sheets we've ever slept in. Great V-Day gift to your lover. Use the code 'Foreplay' and get 35% off your order!

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In EFT couples therapy, De-escalation is the first step in helping couples join against their negative cycle. A couple that is working on de-escalation works to identify their repeated move when they feel triggered, see their partner’s move and understand that it is a protection. Giving that move some permission. Lastly and most importantly, to turn and share this with their partner. During this stage in therapy, we can expect that this may result in a negative cycle. And while we don’t like that, we know it’s part of the process and because that cycle is so automatic. To gain success, couples therapists support partners in making micro moves to contribute to a new positive cycle. Couples and couples therapists will gain great knowledge from this episode and listening to Laurie and George’s role play that works through de-escalating a negative sexual cycle.

Please check out our sponsors:

Cosy Earth -- the softest sheets you'll ever feel; you'll want to be naked between these sheets for sure! You can receive 35% off site wide by using the code 'Foreplay'!

UberLube -- Uberlube is our favorite personal lubricant. Smooth and silky it enhances your time together. Use the code 'foreplay' to get your discount!

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Performance based sex is problematic for couples. A focus on performance can create anxiety. Sex is being thought about in the head (how long will my erection last? Are they liking this? My partner doesn't feel aroused, does that mean I don't turn them on?) rather than experienced in the body. Partners that focus on performance during sex are motivated by approval rather than intimacy and pleasure. Of course the sounds or faces our lovers make during the act are approving, inviting and exciting but if we focus solely on those reactions our nervous systems can go into a tailspin if there isn't a match. So, how do we take sex from performance focused to a more embodied experience? This episode addresses just that! Listen to George and Laurie discuss how to name the pressure, talk about it safely and help one another's bodies relax to get fully online for sex or come up with a different solution if sex isn't going to happen. Great lovers are relaxed and we have better results when we work on this together rather than in isolation.

Check out our great sponsors:

Uberlube - Laurie's been recommending Uberlube to her clients for years! Long before foreplay because it is soooo good for a great sexual experience. Use the code 'foreplay' so they know we sent you!

Cozy Earth - These are the softest, sexiest sheets! So soft you'll want to be naked. They have pillows too! Check them out for a fun, long-lasting Valentine's gift. Use the code 'Foreplay' for 35% off sitewide!

Factor - Factor takes the stress out of healthy living. They provide fresh, ready-prepared meals that support even the busiest of lifestyles! They shop, prep, cook, and deliver to your door for you so you can experience the benefits of clean eating without the hassle. Quick and easy! And delicious! Get 60% off your first box by clicking here!

ZocDoc - You'll be able to find a specialist that you need, when you need it. ZocDoc is an app that will direct you to the exact medical specialist you need without a hassle. Try out the app today. Use the code 'Foreplay' so they know we sent you!

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Disillusionment, despair, hopelessness. Many couples that find themselves in a sexless marriage experience these heavy emotions. These emotions can turn into depressed moods, overarching negative outlook on life and consistent feelings of failure. Assigning blame to your partner for either not wanting or wanting too much sex is often a strategy that is utilized to avoid this level of pain. Unfortunately, the blame continues to push partners away from each other and towards more disconnection. In this episode, Laurie and George create a safe space to allow individuals and couples to explore this pain,and shift away from blame and avoidance. Their role play will help you understand yourself and your partner better and is a great jumping off point to deepening the conversation around sexual discrepancies.

Check out our awesome sponsors:

Hello Fresh! -- Hello fresh helps you eat healthy even when you have little time. Their meals are delicious, easy to prepare, and they give you everything you need -- in the right proportions! George and I love the meals that Hello Fresh provides. Go to Hellofresh.com/foreplay21 and get 21 free meals! And free shipping. What a deal!

Rocket Money - Rocket Money can track down and cancel all those online subscriptions you've made and forgotten about that come out of your bank automatically. Save money with Rocket Money! Use the link and let them know we sent you!

Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Listeners join George and Laurie as they break down exactly what a squirting orgasm is and how it differs from female ejaculation, and the how to’s of it. Here are some great takeaways: there needs to be a LOT of stimulation from the G spot to achieve squirting, if you don’t experience squirting orgasms your orgasms are not less than, don’t put too much pressure on trying to make your partner squirt! This is the sex education none of us got but we’re always curious about!

Thank you so much to our sponsors:

Foria has sex oils that enhance a woman's orgasm! The reports from Laurie's clients give Foria's products 5 stars. Go to Foria for 20% off at foriawellness.com/FOREPLAY or use code FOREPLAY at checkout to receive 20% off your order.

Building a Lasting Connection -- a wonderful, and fun relational game that helps build lasting connection. Try it out and improve your relationship. Use the coupon FOREPLAY to get 20% off!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy New Year listeners! In this episode we are talking about sexual secrets: when to share with your partner and when to withhold. A sexual secret might look like a hot fantasy, a memorable sexual encounter with a past lover or a desire to explore sexually. Laurie and George guide listeners in their conversation on the healthy drive behind the secret and pros and cons of sharing or withholding. Our hosts put an emphasis on timing, good judgement and the risks and benefits associated. The erotic mind is always at work and this helps increase vitality and creativity. We still need to protect our relationship and consider, will sharing this secret draw my partner closer or push them away? Disclaimer: this episode is not about affair relationships!

Thank you so much to our sponsors:

Rocket Money -- finally an app that allows you to track (and cancel unused!) online subscriptions! Save money this holiday season that's just going down the drain! Rocketmoney.com/FOREPLAY

Building a Lasting Connection -- a wonderful, and fun relational game that helps build lasting connection. Try it out and improve your relationship. Use the coupon FOREPLAY to get 20% off!

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We can’t help but get swept up in fervor of the New Year energy! Join Laurie and George for a great conversation on how to have a successful year end sexual check-in with your partner. These conversations are so important for your relationship because they help create more intentionality and when we are more intentional in our partnerships we improve the sexual and emotional connection. Here are some great tips from the episode: Create safety to have the conversation, celebrate your wins from the previous year, acknowledge each other’s triggers, focus on wants and wishes not complaints and make it FUN! Happy New Year to all our listeners and a special thanks to our Patreon members and sponsors for helping us carry out our mission to improve the sexual connection in relationships. Cheers to keeping it hot in 2023!

Check out our sponsors!

Uberlube -- the best lubricant for better sex! Use the code 'Foreplay' so they know you are one of our peeps!

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The negative cycle creates gridlock with couples because it is all about protection. Protection of what? The protection of unmet needs. In this episode, George and Laurie help listeners get clearer on the needs and attachment longings that lie under the surface. Voicing our needs requires A LOT of vulnerability which is often when they aren’t met, they trigger our protective behaviors and we become locked in a negative cycle. Partners that use both pursuing and withdrawing strategies will feel so validated by this episode as you learn to understand your need, value your protection and work to share vulnerability with the one you love. Download the episode today and share it with someone that would benefit from this information! (Episode Link)

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Jealousy is difficult to feel. I should trust my partner, I should be more confident. Even I don’t know what to do with my insecurity - it makes me feel ashamed. 

George suggests that jealousy is data from the body. It’s a signal that you feel vulnerable. We recognize our partner’s attractiveness. What we do with this feeling can actually increase the bond between us and our partner if we learn to ask for reassurance.

The problem is a jealous encounter may cause a partner to feel accused of doing something wrong. George and Laurie role-play it the escalated and triggered way. Then, they demo a more secure and protected way of sharing these feelings and getting the comfort that adds to the couple connection.

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In this episode Laurie and George respond to a question from a listener asking for their help. Our listener shares that they took a risk to bring something spicy into lovemaking and it was a complete miss with their partner. With a little humor and lots of validation, Laurie and George offer supportive advice about what to do when this happens. We know that when misses occur repair is key. Listen to tips here on how to successfully repair and how to be vulnerable with feelings of rejection.

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The Beatles said it best when they sang, "Money Can't Buy Me Love," however finances are a top source of conflict between couples and in this episode our hosts focus on money and the meaning it makes in your life. Join George and Laurie as they discuss money as a competing attachment. EFTers define a competing attachment as a "third," or something outside of a couple relationship that pulls attention away from the partnership in an unhealthy way. Couples then use withdrawing or pursuing strategies to bring awareness to the disconnection created by the competing attachment and a cycle forms. If you've never thought about your relationship with money, we invite you to download the episode and use the attachment lens to explore your relationship with money, the meaning it makes for you and how it affects your partnership.u

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Rev is often a word you associate with a car engine, but did you know that REV is the acronym you need to improve your ability to listen to your partner better? REV stands for Reflect, Evocative Questions and Validation. Trust us when we tell you that REV simplifies and structures how to listen to your partner and helps conversations stay out of the conflict zone and more connected and loving. Download this episode and share it widely as listening is the most underutilized communication skill!

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In this episode, our hosts breakdown the 5 Dimensions of Touch, from an article written by renowned sex therapist Barry McCarthy, PhD. George and Laurie guide us through the different dimensions: Affectionate touch, sensual touch, playful touch, erotic touch and intercourse. These 5 dimensions are NOT a linear roadmap to intercourse rather ways to increase touch between couples. Hosts provide examples of each and make it possible for couples to explore different levels and kinds of touch and how to have those important conversations to share what feels good, and what doesn’t with your partner. You can check out the original article here:  http://bit.ly/3V7rCD8 and make sure to download the episode for more!

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Not only are our hosts here to provide good information but to dispel bad information. This week’s episode is all about premature ejaculation: the facts, busting myths, and the six-month protocol that couples can follow to fix it! If premature ejaculation has plagued your sexual world then you are going to want to download this episode and listen with your partner. You will be relieved to know that there is relief for the 40% of men that have been afflicted by PE. And men, you don’t exist in relationships alone, premature ejaculation affects the partner’s in your life too. Left untreated it runs the risk of creating a deep disconnection in your relationship. This episode provides clarity, a starting point and helps to reduce the shame around this all too common problem.

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Timing is everything and for many, well most of us, we’ve all experienced poor timing. If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you most likely have a memory of a time when your partner shared something, you asked a question and it didn’t go over so well. An argument ensues and you’re both left with emotional whiplash. Download this episode to hear George and Laurie’s take on timing, why it goes south (from a neuroscience standpoint) and how to get it back on track. A bit of a spoiler but here is a gem from the episode: Is what you are about to say/do add or take away? Hear our hosts as they help listeners be more intentional about timing and how to recover when timing is off.

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Prompted by a listener question, Laurie and George discuss resentment in relationships. Resentment is often seen as a relationship killer, but our hosts ask the audience to give permission to that feeling and listen for the deeper longing. Resentment forms as a result of unspoken and unshared pain and the attachment meaning we make. A sexual pursuer in a relationship may develop resentment over years of hoping for more sex and it not happening. Our hosts discuss viewing resentment as a form of grief. Reframing resentment as grief, creates some space to see and hold pain and share it with your partner. If we make space for that grief, we will also create space for joy over the things that we get and really work in the relationship. There is choice in resentment.If you have found yourself holding resent in your relationship, you’ll want to make sure to download this episode!

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Attention Couples Therapists, you're going to want to listen to this episode! Laurie and George role play a therapy session to help understand the world of the emotional withdrawer in the sexual cycle. Emotional withdrawers want to remain positive to support the relationship but when the emotional heat turns up they often turn away. If you are having difficulty engaging a withdrawer in the emotional cycle we encourage you to PIVOT! We find that withdrawers often flip to become pursuers in the sexual cycle. If therapists avoid naming the pain that lies in the sexual disconnection they may miss an opportunity to help them share their vulnerability with their partner. We focus on creating A LOT of safety for both partners and deeply honoring the defense systems that have been created to manage pain. While we know this episode will help the therapists in our community, partners will also benefit! We are helping to get safety in the sexual cycle so you can keep it hot!

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Did you know that 10% of sexual encounters with intimate partners go badly? Join Laurie and George for this episode where they discuss strategies partners can use when sexual situations go awry. Our hosts share a bit of vulnerability as well and moments in their own lives when pressure, expectation and disappointment got the best of them. We want you to feel confident with your partners that you can pivot when you have failures. Strategies include using playful humor to encourage reconnection, meaningful conversation to process disappointment together and slowness to create opportunities for understanding. You can give your relationship some permission to get it wrong so you can keep it hot!

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Here we are at the wedding night. After months, maybe years of planning, the special day is finally here. This episode is about sexpectations on the wedding night. Did you know over 50% of couples don’t have sex on their wedding night? Exhaustion and too many reception cocktails are often the culprit for this miss BUT are engaged couples having conversations about wedding night sexpectations before the big day? Hear George and Laurie talk about the importance of having these conversations and negotiating together what your idea of wedding night sex looks like. You may want to take stress off yourselves and save sex for the honeymoon, you may want to explore what your B.E.S.T sex looks like. Either way, we hope couples will reduce pressure to get it perfect on their wedding night. When we make these implicit conversations explicit, we can avoid disappointment and resentment taking space in what is otherwise a joyous union. Healthy sex conversations to help you keep it hot, right from the start!

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"Am I too much? Will I always hunger for this connection?" If these are common questions you've asked yourself while stuck in a negative cycle with your partner you may be a sexual pursuer. Join George and Laurie in today's episode where they discuss new ways sexual pursuers can communicate their needs in Stage--2 of EFT. In Stage 2 the couple is aware of their negative cycle and understanding of the good reasons they have been missing each other. Stage 2 is the creation of a positive cycle that is focused on understanding, connection and expression of needs. The work of the sexual pursuer in Stage 2 is to soften the expression of those needs--rather than using criticism to express the felt rejection, working towards expressing with vulnerability. George and Lauri's role play will provide reassurance that new conversations and getting needs met are possible as couples are working together against the cycle in a new cycle that fosters closeness and connection.

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We've discussed the negative sexual cycle couples get stuck in and highlight just how important it is to name and tame it. As EFT therapists we know that de-escalating the cycle is the first step in moving partners from fighting one another to fighting the cycle together. In today's episode we are talking about Stage 2 in EFT and the creation of a new, positive cycle. [Insert episode link] In stage two, the cycle is de-escalated, partners feel more on the same team and there is safety to begin exploring and expressing needs and longings to your partner. George and Laurie role play the needs a sexual withdrawer might have and the new moves they make to share with their sexual pursurer. In the role play, George comes away with three possible moves for the newly reengaged sexual withdrawer: permission to not be interested in sex tonight, reassurance if they struggle during sex and celebration if they are successful. If you are a sexual withdrawer you definetely want to listen to this episode. And pursuers, we didn't forget you at all! We see how hard you work for the relationship and thank you for your patience. As you hear Laurie say, "Don't tell me to calm down!" We'll be back next week to talk all about pursuers in Stage 2!

Don't forget to join us on October 28th at our Great Love, Great Sex virtual couples retreat. Register at www.foreplayrst.com under the resources tab. We can't wait to see you there!

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We’ve talked about the cycle before and we’re talking about it again. This time we explore what EFT calls Stage 2. Why? because after de-escalating conflict there’s more to do to get closer with your partner! Join Laurie and George for this episode to understand how your moves and your partners moves impact one another and the deeper, unseen meanings they have. When we start to understand the good reasons we are missing each other there is opportunity to connect. Does your partner’s criticism represent their hope for the relationship? Does their silence mean they are trying to keep the pressure low? Hear how we flip the script to help you keep it hot!!

Hey therapists, do you need help understanding and de-escalating the sexual cycle for your couple clients? We hope you’ll meet us on March 3 & 4th 2023 (date change) for our training on this topic.

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What is your body communicating? During one of our most essential episodes, Laurie and George discuss the value of bringing attention and awareness into our bodies. Emotions show up physically and send out signals. It’s been reported that anger often shows up as a headache, anxiety as tension in the chest and throat, sadness as a caving in sensation, happiness as a whole-body warmth. When partners have more awareness of what shows up physically they increase their ability to slow down in the face of conflict and also connect more with their sexual selves. Bringing the body on board reflects our holistic mission to integrate the mind, heart and body.

Try this exercise today to tune into what your body is communicating to you: Sit comfortably, find stillness and recall a time when you felt hurt/shut down/rejected by your partner. Where does that show up on your body? Now recall a time where your partner turned to you during pain/comforted you/expressed how meaningful you are to them. Slow down and notice what is there. Let us know in the comments what you observed. We’re right on this journey with you! Keep it hot and get into the body!

Join Laurie and George for their Great Sex, Great Love virtual retreat on October 28th. Partners can expect to learn more about listening to what your body is saying and how to share it with your love!

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The million maybe billion-dollar question: how do we increase low sexual desire in women? Laurie and George discuss what is shutting down sexual desire in women. George gets it right by saying women often put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own. And Laurie discusses their disconnection to their own sexual needs. Click on the link below to hear Laurie and George address blocks to sexual desire and their lifelike roleplay of how this affects a couple’s dynamic. Laurie puts on her therapist hat and the work is pure magic! Sexual withdrawers will feel so validated listening to this episode.

Check out our sponsor OMGYES.com for fantastic information about how to get her to climax. Tastefully crafted information that is research-based and rock solid. Visit omgyes.com/foreplay for more information!

Don’t forget to join us on October 28th for our Great Sex, Great Love virtual couples retreat. If your relationship is good but needs some extra attention or you and your partner want to learn how to deepen your sexual connection, we hope to see you there!

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Listen to a caller who leaves us a message about her husband telling her he thinks she’s too heavy to be attractive. Laurie and George work through their own reaction and anger at this painful message to our listener. We question the narrowness of her partner’s focus on a minimal change (she’s young and fit) as opposed to having a broader view of eroticism that includes her body, her spirit, her heart, and her mind. If you ever wanted to hear George get hot under the collar with pursuer energy and righteous anger.. here’s a good episode.

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So many women seem to just give up on sex. Maybe they reach menopause and they’re done with sex. Or maybe well before menopause , she and her partner haven’t gotten through to each other and sex stops. Orif sex continues, she just is unengaged. How can something that feels so good be relegated to such a low/no priority? Here’s why.

Females who don’t want to have sex are often stopped in 3 areas:

• the relationship - especially lack of communication,
• worry areas – disgust about certain sex acts, poor body image, or fear about not pleasing their partner
• pleasure – loss of interest when she doesn’t climax or experience pleasure

George and Laurie discuss these areas and role play an initial conversation as a couple talking about her sexual blocks.

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In our world with its focus on physical perfection, we all have aspects of our body which we criticize, and even avoid looking at in the mirror. These critical thoughts can intrude before, during, and after sex, diminishing our ability to be in the moment with our partner. We talk through this thorny issue as an example of how to begin to address it with your partner.

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Oral sex - you like it. You don’t like it. What works. What doesn’t work. Laurie and George talk about it all. They role play a couple who gets stuck in retaliation - if you don’t go down on me; I won’t go down on you. Then, they demo how a couple might talk to help each other work through their difficulties with oral sex.

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Sometimes sex is awesome; sometimes not. This episode shows you how to turn up the heat when it's not!

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She needs more foreplay and he doesn’t wanna lose his erection. Women need a slow patter of arousal to reach the best climax. Men when they’re on sildenafil (viagra, etc.) need to use their erection - soon. This is a familiar dilemma for couples in their 50s. George and Laurie role-play a couple who learns how to talk about this problem.

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Libido is shared between the couple. The pursuer afraid of being rejected, almost starts every initiation with an edge of criticism. So the sexual moment starts the partner off without even being given much of a chance at feeling desire. In our case example, she’s not turned on because she hears the edge and then she’s blamed. 

On the flip side is a lack of engagement. The withdrawer can nearly erase the whole idea of sex because it’s safer. But unfortunately this sends the purser a message that they don’t care.

And send the pursuer the whole responsibility for the sexual relationship.

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In most of our episodes, we use the emotional and sexual cycles to bring coherence to the issues that plague committed relationships. We wanted to explore and summarize the emotional and sexual cycles in one condensed episode. Many couples feel like they are facing unique, specific troubles, when the reality is, these relational upsets are all manifestations of the underlying sexual and emotional cycles. A clear understanding of how these cycles power your relational upsets provides an avenue for hope and change; rather than dealing with hundreds of different issues, you and your partner can team up to clarify the cycles and understand your partner better.

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Attention all therapists! Join Laurie and George in North Texas August 12 & 13 for a 2-day training on integrating sex therapy and attachment theory. We’re tired of Zoom meetings and are so excited to be with colleagues in person to train and have fun! Go to www.northtexaseft.com/upcoming-events or click the link below to find out more.

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There can be so much disappointment even shame when a couple is in a sexlessness marriage. Couple can tune out and shut down their need for flesh on flesh and over time it gets harder and harder to get back. They don’t know how to repair or even talk about normal failure and so they ignore the failures. This doesn’t happen just with aging. It’s people who resign themselves to not talking about it and both withdraw. George and Laurie talk about how to get back in bed!

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Laurie and George define secrets as issues, fantasies or alliances that block connection. We certainly have a right to privacy and sometimes our private erotic thoughts makes our world sexier and makes us more available to our partner. Certainly some people choose and open marriage but they do it with… openness. we think talking about your fantasies or actual affairs with your a partner while incredibly difficult makes it possible for YOU not to be carrying the guilt of a secret that you find unethical and against your promise. 

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“I’m just not attracted to you anymore.” - OUCH!!!I Sounds like a showstopper doesn’t it? But Laurie and George have hope for you to get it back.

We use our favorite acronym BEST SEX Conversations - to explore why people might lose attraction for the partner they’ve committed to and some ideas about getting it back. We go through the primary areas of sexual attachment from a holistic viewpoint to discover what is causing lack of attraction. Then we offer ways you can feel the gas - how to increase the turn-ons! and then we talk about ways to release the brakes on the things that turn you off.

Sponsors:

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Confidence is essential for a great relationship. But how to you grow in confidence if you've lost it or never had much of it? Confidence is the end result of a string of successes. We discuss moves you can make to help yourself -- and your partner -- build their confidence by how you interact, particularly in the difficult conversations. Learn new moves to help you be successful -- and grow your confidence.

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Most of us grew up not talking about sex. But the more detailed you get, the more power you can have to change things. Go play-by-play and have more choice and agency about shaping your experience and connecting with each other. One woman’s grimace during oral sex or another person’s turning of their head during sexual intercourse send messages to their partner that in our example are indeed misinterpreted. Knowing exactly what happens - the detail- helps the couples discover what is really going on. A look, a certain touch, a sigh may turn us on. Or these very same actions can be misinterpreted We can get triggered into the negative cycle. Join Laurie and George as they talk about getting down to the nitty-gritty details when you counsel someone or when you communicate with your partner.

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Everyone wants to feel desired certainly.

But the research shows that for women - being desired, hearing their partner's verbal admiration and open "want" - is very important to their turn on. When men are dating they instinctively know how telling their partner how sexy they look, sending flirty messages, giving their partner longing looks - tells her she's hot! George and Laurie talk through the shut down to this process and encourage men to go for it again.

#couples #eft #sexpodcast #marriage #desire #secureattachment

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Touch is vital for intimate communication. We learn so much with touch - pleasure, safety, exploration and curiosity! So often we don’t put it into words and then we find ourselves in intimate relationship with a partner without really explaining what we need and want. For instance, tickling may be fun and erotic or triggering. There are lots of ways me might miss each other in the conversation but Laurie and George explore people’s reservations and offer ideas of how to communicate about intimate touch better.

#EFT #Couples #Marriage #Sex #SexPodcast #SecureSexualAttachment

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We’re talking about good-enough responding - responding to our partner in ways that keep us connected even when we disappoint them. Think about when a withdrawer finally comes forward; while their pursuing partner may long for whatever they’re offering, the same pursuer most likely feels doubt and mistrust about the sincerity of their withdrawing partner or the evidence that this is a start of a change pattern. George is so confident that mistrust is going to be present at this stage - he calls it a natural part of the change process. So of course - the pursuer doesn’t reward their withdrawer with success for initiation and guess what? - the withdrawing partner backs away. Fail. But what if there were a way to find a secondary target, a secondary path to stay connected. George and Laurie discuss how you can target a lesser but important target (other than true responsiveness); you can give permission for you partner’s defensive/protective move - you can let them know it makes sense to you. As hard as it seems to do, validating your partner’s defense actually helps them feel seen by you and keeps you in connection.

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Wanna spice it up? What have you fantasized about doing? It takes vulnerability to tell each other about ideas for novelty and change. Are you willing to risk? Laurie and George talk about how couples choose to spice things up - ways that novelty can be gas petals or brakes for different couples often dividing the couple themselves. Porn, gummies, alcohol, vibrators, handcuffs, feathers, etc… and other toys might add to arousal or block connection! Knowing that you’re gonna have a glass of wine, you’re gonna loosen up, you’re gonna feel less inhibited…. some of it is simply the ritual, the getting ready, looking forward to a bit of change that can create a little fun.

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Is it worth it to accept something that your partner wants to give you sexually instead of holding out for what you really want? Is something better than nothing? Laurie and George use a tried and true EFT principle called "slicing it thinner" - find a way to help your partner get closer to what you want without them losing themselves or feeling compromised.

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The million dollar question! (for pursuers) how do you get someone to pursue their own pleasure. In our Q&A, Laurie and George see a reader’s point. For so many  reasons it works better when your partner is engaged sexually - they supply desire that fuels the sexual fun, it’s a turn-on to see your partner in uninhibited abandon plus it takes the pressure off from always having to initiate. But there’s a flip side that is often dynamic. 

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Keeping connected is easier when we're in green brain - when our brain says we are safe, cared about and even loved - when we can relax, talk, listen with openness.  Red brains are escalated, tense, maybe angry or in total shut down.  Listen to George and Laurie talk about pulling a partner in red brain into the calm connected place where sex and connection can happen.

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FOREPLAY welcomes Emotionally Focused Therapy, founder Dr. Sue Johnson to talk with us about George's driving and the sexual cycle. We laughed together about their early relationship and more seriously about George asking for help after 9/11 with the couples he was seeing and Sue's generous response.  Sue gives us a keen example of a uber sexual pursuer and how his needs for attachment drive him even thought his behavior pushes his partner away. Listen up to our discussing with someone who has changed the world with her theory and life's work!

For an EFT Therapist or to purchase her bestselling books LoveSense or Hold Me Tight - contact Sue's organization: ICEEFT.com

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Listen to this emotional episode to to help the withdrawers in your life. Trained to suppress emotions, withdrawers have decided early in life - it's is not okay to have needs. Their nervous systems don't trust because in the past people haven't shown up for them. Even if their pursuing partner are longing to be close and cover them with their love, their hearts believe others are not safe or dependable. George and Laurie think about the actual words that withdrawers might say when they finally reach out to their waiting partners.

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Withdrawers in relationship are steeled against the three waves that come for them... first, they do it wrong for their pursuing partner, next it's their fault for withdrawing and third, they really are nothing after all.  Can you see why it makes sense not to engage? If all you get when you engage with your partner is ultimately the knowledge about being not good enough, maybe unloveable - it's soo much better to stay distant.  Laurie and George talk about the different strategies that withdrawers use to stay as far away from failing as they can.

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We want to help pursuers get what they need and then take it into their hearts when it finally comes their way. We know there can be mistrust when a withdrawer at first tries to understand and meet the pursuer's need. Your longing for attention, engagement or sex has left you in fear of always feeling this way.  It makes sense that when your withdrawer starts to come forward that you would have serious doubt about their intentions and authenticity.  But Laurie and George want to set up both partners for a better reconnection. 

Please support our sponsors: Uberlube.com/FOREPLAY for 10% off

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This is George and Laurie's love letter to those pursuers out there! We see how hard you work. Male or female, sexual or emotional pursuer. We see your good intentions. We see your longing for your partner. We know you are working hard at doing it right and often are only criticized when you blow it. But we are sending love and encouragement. Hang in there.

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George says the value of my hour is equal to the value of your hour! Laurie says if there are big inequities in responsibility between couples - there's gonna be big problems in the bedroom! Hear G and Laurie exclaim over how important it is to get FAIRPLAY before FOREPLAY is possible. We know so many couples fight about this and we know it's so important to straighten this out in order to keep the bedroom hot!

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Our Q&A - What happens when you can’t orgasm during intercourse like you used to?  George and Laurie come up with many different ideas about what might be happening and techniques to help our listener. A listener doesn’t think Laurie gets hookup culture and why orgasm isn’t always the focus.  Here’s to a deeper look at what people might be looking for.  Heartbroken over her partner’s rejection due to herpes, we help a listener come to terms with what she needs to do. 

Please support us at the podcast and get slippery, slick sex by using Uberlube.com with the coupon Foreplay for 10% off!

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We all have scripts that have been handed down. Our families have told us how we are to behave sexually. Gender roles proscribe the way we should act in the bedroom.  Our culture tells us what makes us valuable in sex.  Let's examine these scripts instead of just unconsciously following them.  Free yourself from scripts that might have outlived their purpose! Welcome special guest - Dr. James Hawkins from the postcast: The Leading Edge!

Please check out Uberlube.com/Foreplay for the slickest, slipperiest sexual experience.  And support the podcast!

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What happens to sexual desire after marriage?

Everything can change! Men are usually sexually consistent throughout the dating process and marriage. Women, on the other hand, are statistically more likely to switch from sultry to celibate after the wedding cake digests. Even women who were sexually engaged throughout the dating process can fizzle out once they embrace married life.

For husbands, the switch can be confusing, and so in this episode, we will try to iron out a bit of that confusion by digging into what it is about marriage that dampens sexual desire. 

Research concludes that in dating and early partnership, what secures a woman emotionally is male sexual desire. 

Women rely on this primal sense from men that creates a feeling of being wanted. As far-fetched as it sounds, in early partnership, the man’s relative emotional availability is not meaningful in making her feel secure. What makes her feel secure is his sexual desire for her. In short, male desire drives female desire, but unfortunately, desire also has enemies.

While it’s easy to blame marriage, the byproducts of marriage–time and togetherness–are the real villains.

Listen as we talk about the real reasons for the shift in desire after marriage!

“Being desired is the best sexual orgasm for women.” – Meredith Chivers, Canadian sex researcher

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What does your orgasm feel like? An orgasm is so powerful – It’s almost indescribable! 

In this episode we talk about how to put words to it! And give you tips on how to talk about orgasms with your partner. Laurie and George also open up about what their own experiences are like… Practicing what we preach – VULNERABILITY!

If your partner asked you to describe how an orgasm feels in your body, could you do it? Would you do it? 

It's difficult to find the words to describe the feeling and to explain what the body experiences during sex. Sex is, after all, a non-verbal language. However, that doesn't mean we should resign to remaining non-verbal about sex. Working through the discomfort of such an intimate conversation can improve the quality of our sexual encounters and, subsequently, our romantic connections.

If you're ready to talk about the big O, we have 5 open-ended questions you can use to keep the conversation flowing smoothly while improving the emotional connection you have with your partner. 

The conversation isn't meant to put pressure on either of you. The ultimate goal of sex is pleasure and connection, not orgasm. Instead, it's intended to open the door to communication. It's a way to explore how orgasms work and don't work while encouraging intimacy. As the saying goes, "communication is lubrication."

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A person’s sexual history is profoundly revealing.

Those who have attempted to discuss sexual histories with their lover know the conversation can elicit different emotional reactions. It can be awkward to ask your partner about their past or have your partner ask you about your sexual past, but the outcome of braving such a conversation is stronger intimacy.

Join George and Laurie as they get beyond numbers and into curious questions. Find success in discussing sexual histories, learn about your partner's accelerators and brakes.

Caveat: use caution if your partner is a jealous person.

Please checkout the best lubricant on the market: Uberlube.com with the coupon code FOREPLAY for a discount!

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How do we heal the pain created by reaching for our person and finding they aren’t there? We’ve all experienced hurt and disappointment in relationships. When a healthy attachment is present, the pain is acknowledged, and you move past it together. However, when there’s an attachment injury, the process of moving forward is blocked...

Dr. Sue Johnson defines an attachment injury as a “feeling of betrayal or abandonment during a critical time of need.” If our lover isn’t there for us in those moments or doesn’t show up, it’s incredibly painful, and our bodies are smart enough to avoid future pain. 

The pain we experience in these moments is sent to our limbic system. In response, our limbic system releases stress hormones, alerts our amygdala to danger, and embeds a message in the hippocampus that says, “Do not depend on this person again.” 

The good news is that it’s never too late to heal an attachment injury! The body and the brain stand outside of time. Our bodies hold memories, and we can go back to them and heal them now. While you can’t change what happened, you can change how you feel about what happened, which can change everything. 

Let’s talk about HOW to heal these attachment wounds… together.

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Let’s talk about all things smooches! Types of kissing, “good” and “bad” kissers, what a kiss means to you…

Labeling someone as a “good” kisser implies a one-size-fits-all technique, but in reality, we don’t have good and bad; we have compatible and non-compatible kissers. Kissing is a matter of preference, attraction, attunement to your partner, and perhaps even genetics.

Once we become sexually active, we often throw kissing into the foreplay category and give it little thought, but kissing can be the end game. Kissing doesn’t always have to lead to sex! Kissing can be exciting, and my challenge to you is to let it stand alone. Spend a day making out with your partner and explore how that feels together!

Communication is, not surprisingly, key when it comes to kissing.

Does your partner prefer wet kisses or dry kisses? A hot and heavy makeout or soft and slow caress? Do you like to be touched while kissed? Where and how?

The bottom line is that you don’t know what your partner wants and they don’t know what you want unless you talk about it. When we explore kissing with our partner, we learn to dance together, and we learn to enjoy the kiss!

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Shame and disgust are heavy words that inhabit dark places, but we can't avoid dark places if we want to experience the highs a relationship can provide emotionally and sexually.

The power of shame is in secrecy. We don't want to show our shame. We don't want to be rejected, so we lock away parts of ourselves and pray that no one sees us. The irony is that the antidote to shame is connection and empathy, gifts we can only receive when we allow others to see us. 

Within the sexual cycle, shame takes many forms. We might feel shame over what we've done, over things that have been done to us, or over our desires and fantasies. Many feelings of shame and disgust are rooted in our childhoods (or trauma).

If one partner brings up a new sex act and their partner has a huge reaction of disgust, it can create deep shame for simply bringing it up or even disgust at one's self for having "such" ideas, further fueling the shame cycle.

So how do we close the gap and find attunement within this mismatched experience? The answer is communication.

Listen as Laurie and George roleplay and show you how to have these conversations with your partner – with safety.

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Let's talk about five primary emotions: joy, fear, anger, sadness, shame, and disgust – feeling all of them is important, especially with your partner. Emotions are the language of the body. They say, "pay attention, something's happening!" But so often we don't pay attention, choosing, consciously or unconsciously, to disconnect...

We may have been raised in homes where anger was expressed in an unhealthy way, joy covered by a wet blanket, or shame used to control and manipulate our behavior. Regardless of how our childhoods taught us to relate to emotions, we can rewrite the script by creating healthy emotional attachments and responses.

While there are many tools we can use to do that, in this episode we're going to talk about co-regulation and co-creation ("CoCo.") And learn how to share and navigate emotions together.

If your loved one is excited, you match their excitement. If your loved one is angry, you honor their anger. Co-regulation is not co-dependency. Co-regulation does not say, "I feel happy only if you're happy." It says, "You feel happy, and I'm happy for you." Co-regulation allows the witness to be there for their partner while also honoring their own emotions.

Most of the time, people don't understand the emotion they're in, and they need someone to support them in a curious and non-judgemental way. Co-creation allows partners to act as witnesses for each other. By asking questions and being present, the witness can help the emoter explore and deepen their understanding of their feelings.

Listen to learn how to apply 'CoCo' to your relationship and create positive shifts in your emotional and sexual cycles! 

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Let's use the 3 road analogy to discuss the sexual and emotional cycles: the High, Middle, and Low Roads. Research highlights the importance of navigating all three roads for relationship success. The question is, how do we navigate them?

We’re putting all the pieces together in an exercise that will challenge your relationship and open the door to communication.

Balancing the High, Middle, and Low Roads within your relationship will require a conversation that isn’t for the faint of heart. In your relationship, attempting such a pointed conversation will probably come naturally if you are the Emotional Pursuer.

If you’re a Withdrawer, channel your inner Simon Cowell while expressing what you need to feel safe within the conversation. After all, clarity is kindness. 

Listen to hear our 5 exercises that will engage you and your partner, and explore how each of you show up in the relationship!

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EFT (or Emotionally Focused Therapy) walks couples through a de-escalation process, but what sets EFT apart is Stage Two. The second stage of EFT focuses not on “what’s wrong” but on making things right in the relationship.

Laurie and George celebrate as Laurie becomes certified in EFT and both thank Dr. Sue Johnson for the amazing gift of this therapy model!

In sex therapy, we discuss emotional patterns, but we also understand the interdependency between sex and emotions. One isn’t more important than the other, and when leveraging patterns to create lasting change, the sexual cycle can’t be ignored.

When the sexual pursuer learns to communicate from a place of vulnerability, the withdrawer feels a release of pressure that allows them to draw closer to the pursuer, which is ultimately what they both want...

In stage two, couples learn to replace the negative cycle with a positive cycle. They create “new moves.” The “new move” script in this episode is about compassionately sharing and accepting each other’s needs. By integrating these new moves into your relationship through better communication, you can continue to grow in sex and love…

Listen as Laurie & George talk you through a success script for addressing the sexual/emotional cycles in your relationship!

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How do you initiate in the bedroom? ;) George and Laurie explore (and joke!) about 5 different initiator styles: Seduction, Touch, Emotional Connection, Sex Talk and Power Play.

Which way do you like it best? Which way does your partner like it best? Does seduction begin with the way you drink your coffee in the morning like it does with Laurie? Are you missing each other because of a style difference?

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Both Yin and Yang are needed for our sex lives to flourish. Where do you fall on the spectrum? Partners in relationships can both be dominant in one type, but we most often see opposites attract. 

When Yang dominates a relationship, sex can be passionate at first, but eventually, this gives way to dissatisfaction as the emotional component of the relationship is ignored. You might see resentment and frustration manifest toward the Yin partner and an inability to be vulnerable. 

On the other hand, when there's too much Yin, the relationship is sexless. If there is no initiator, there is no sex. When sex does occur, it's described as "boring" as Yin lacks creativity and sensuality. 

Combining Yin and Yang in the bedroom requires honoring our evolving natures. The balance of Yin and Yang is ever-changing because people are ever-changing. In the bedroom, that means honoring and asking, “Where am I now? Where is my partner now? What do I want now?”

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Touch, smell, sound, taste, vision... Which senses cause you sexual "blocks?" Perhaps touch feels unnatural, painful, or irritating. Maybe you are self-conscious about the way you smell and aren't comfortable with letting your partner go down. Or maybe some sounds or things your partner says turns you off...

Moving past these requires communication with your partner. Start by sharing your "blocks" with your partner.

Explore what you don’t like, explore what you do, and share when you’re ready.

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Laurie and George discuss the 'still-face' experiments and how that shows up in the bedroom.

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Sex and emotions—there’s a delicate balance between the two, an overlap that can’t be ignored. Emotions can enhance sex or inhibit sex, and sex can enhance emotions or inhibit emotions.

Borrowing concepts from the attachment theory, we dive into how sex and emotions intertwine by exploring the role of the Pursuer and Withdrawer...

Great episode for EFTers – So important for therapists to know how to leverage the sexual attachment cycle in order to get change in the emotional attachment cycle and vice versa!

While we don’t always fall neatly into a cycle, there is always a cycle, some level of interdependence. This interdependence can shift as patterns and is not concrete. A Pursuer can become a Withdrawer, or you might find that you were a Pursuer in an old relationship and a Withdrawer in your current relationship. The patterns are not your personality; they are a response to the complexity of sexual and emotional connections.

Understanding yourself and your partner requires intention but a balanced connection is worth the effort. 

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What can we learn from Hollywood about balancing sexual 'yin and yang'? In this episode, we'll focus on sensuality as a pure act of giving, and on the importance of balance between the yin (sensuality) and the yang (assertiveness) of sex. 

Shifting from yang to yin asks us to unravel our unrealistic views of sex, and Hollywood occasionally provides the perfect how-to guide. Let's talk about three movies with scenes that perfectly capture yin sensuality...

The movies we discuss all focus on men performing sensual acts for women – but ALL genders crave sensuality. A back scratch, a hair massage in the shower, an affectionate touch in the middle of the day, all of these efforts allow the mystery to unfold between partners.

Focusing on the mystery is focusing on the journey – which is where endless possibilities unfold...

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Want to explore new moves with your partner, but don't know how to ask? How can Pursuers approach and encourage their Withdrawer partner to open their mind to new things?

Pursuers can get discouraged themselves after being rejected time and time again; They assume it is a hopeless attempt and stop trying, eventually resulting in pain, distance, and resentment.

When we want variety or want to suggest something new to our partner, energy and enthusiasm can carry the day. When there is reluctance, a Pursuer needs to resist the wish to fall back and at least bring their heart and passion.

On the flip side, the partner receiving the request can really support their partner’s vulnerability at asking, with encouragement and responsiveness.  Unfortunately, when a sexual Withdrawer is the suggester, it can feel like just a drop in the bucket compared to all that has been longed for.  Instead of receiving the new suggestion with grace and gratitude, it often becomes an opportunity for the sexual Pursuer to complain and feel disappointed.

In order for Withdrawers to feel safe enough to initiate or try new things, Pursuers must acknowledge their effort and vulnerability – no matter how "small." 

Pursuers – in order to open a conversation about sexual variety, ask your partner what THEY want and need, and tell them what YOU want and need. With your heart and deep vulnerability.

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All of us have struggles communicating, and these struggles often seep into the bedroom. As sex and couples therapists, we often run into couples who avoid talking about sex and sexual needs. Instead, they defer to an avoidant-style habit that can be a sex life killer: making assumptions. 

When we make up stories about our partner, it kills the curious drive that creates sexual magic. When we assume our partner knows what we want, we forfeit the possibility of getting our needs met. 

People make up stories and assumptions for understandable reasons. They do it to avoid embarrassment or vulnerability. They do it because they don't want to hurt their partner, make them feel insecure, or because communication wasn't received well in the past. But no matter the reason, we can't stop trying. The cost of not sharing is so much worse!

Let's talk about some practical solutions to breaking the habit of assumption, and talking explicitly to get better sex.

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Where were you on 9/11? We all remember. It's been 20 years.

Most of us were stunned, watching the twin towers fall, but George was with the FDNY rushing to Ground Zero, following his training, following his instinct to get people out of there.

Listen up as he shares about the worst of times -- the horror of the day and months to come, searching for people who were still alive and finding none. And the best of times -- the support and love that people poured out to the first responders, to their neighbors -- the cohesion of a community and a nation united. "There's value in pain if we face it with others." -- George Faller

Today, we honor George and all the first responders who ran toward the danger. We send gratitude and peace to Kathy Faller for watching her young husband leave in the midst of chaos, not knowing what would happen and for holding down the fort afterwards. To both of them, we celebrate that in the midst of fear, they could turn towards each other and find comfort.

G - we love you! Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing with us.

#20YearsLater #911 #FirstResponders #NeverForget #SendingRespect #PrayingForYourPeace #LieutenantFaller #28Truck #BraveHearts #343FireFightersGone #HarlemHilton_Manhattan #HelpingCouples #SueJohnsonTrainsGeorge #DoctorLove

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Couples who find themselves stuck in the boring and mundane are often couples who have failed to be vulnerable.

George uses a three-road analogy to explain why some couples remain in mediocracy. The High Road—the road of great energy, great sex, vacations, and excitement.

The Middle Road—the grind of everyday life. It’s doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, and cooking dinner.

The Low Road—relationship depth. It’s diving into deep conversations, sharing, and vulnerability.

Failure in vulnerability reinforces our opposition to vulnerability and keeps us from exploring the Low Road. We perceive failure when we share with our partners, and they react by trying to fix us (yellow zone), blame us (yellow zone), or shutting down and saying nothing (red zone). Vulnerability contains a sense of danger.

When someone is vulnerable, it's important to understand that they are already in the yellow zone. Every couple must face the dilemma of addressing vulnerability. When our fears and triggers arise, if we draw closer to our partners and see beyond our triggers, we can rebalance our relationships. 

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We always talk about sexual Pursuers and Withdrawers—those who seek sex and those who withdraw from it.

Because sexual Pursuers are usually the sexual initiator, they are often facing rejection. Over time they become anxious about initiating. For Pursuers, rejection goes beyond being told “no” when they make a sexual advance. Rejection also happens when they perceive or assume rejection. It may seem unfair but it feels true to the sexual Pursuer.

Pursuers are prone to stories from others, past experience, and ideas they tell themselves about what they will happen if they ask for sex. The feelings created by potentially false assumptions are as real as the sting of actual rejection and can leave a pit in their stomach.

Couples (Withdrawers and Pursuers) usually have opposite protective strategies which can create psychological, sexual tension and frustration from the negative cycle.

How can Withdrawers seek to understand and help their frustrated sexual Pursuer? We’re breaking down 5 ways Withdrawers can protect their partner from rejection!

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It is believed that 3-6% of people in the U.S. struggle with sexual compulsion, all genders can be affected. Sometimes sexual activities become compulsive and lead to damaging pattern in people's relationships and work lives.

Defining sexual compulsion is best done by identifying certain patterns and behaviors... Some of these include overindulging in porn, loss in interest in sex with their partner, having a "secret" life seeking seeking sexual activities elsewhere, the escalation of risky sexual behaviors, or neglecting responsibilities due to their sex addiction.

It’s difficult for many to understand what drives a person into these behaviors, which are clearly antithetical to relationships and how love-making bonds us to our partner. How do we understand and begin healing sexual addiction?

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We talk a lot about romance outside of the bedroom, but what does a romantic interlude look like? “I wish my partner were more romantic in bed” is a statement we often hear from women. “Are you kidding me?” is a retort we often hear from men. “I thought we were done with all the jumping through hoops after we got married.”

While it is true that many men feel as described, it’s also true that both men and women appreciate romance and thoughtfulness in relationships. Bringing romance to a relationship will differ for everyone but based on our experience, there are 4 important elements for adding spice to the bedroom!

Let's break down each of these steps!

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In this episode, we explore grief through the lens of sexual intimacy... For many couples, sexual intercourse is a safe space where they can be vulnerable, knowing that they can reach out to their partner and their partner will reach back. No matter what you are experiencing while working through sex and grief, the goal is not to force one behavior or another but to communicate so that you can return to that safe space when the time is right.

As therapists, we often see clients who successfully navigate the emotional aspects of grieving while failing to address the sexual side of their relationships. 

It’s not uncommon for us to work with couples who are not having sex. Often, those couples can trace the loss of intimacy back to a period of grief. It’s understandably a difficult position: How do you maintain a sexual connection with your loved one while honoring the grieving process? 

Grieving is a complex topic. Sex is a complex topic. Talking about both may seem awkward – but for anyone in a relationship, the reality is, sex and grief will eventually converge. When couples are faced with the terrible loss of a loved one, this conversation can comfort and add to their security with each other when they need it the most.

In memory of Mary Louise Faller

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Q&A episode!!! We're answering a bunch of different questions from our listeners about the science of attraction, faking it, and how to bring sexy back!

What does scientific research say about attraction and desire?? What visuals spark chemistry and the get the erotic mind flowing? Hint: Red is SEXY! Like our Foreplay colors ;)

How can you bring passion back to the bedroom when you get a little too comfortable? Couples slip into habits... The key is being intentional, and building anticipation and excitement... 

These questions... and more! Listen to Laurie and George answer YOUR Q's in this week's episode!

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We often use the word "tango" in EFT in context of the cycles, patterns, or feedback loop that couples can get stuck in. How do you change that dynamic? To break free from the negative cycle you have to see the interdependency – it takes effort, vulnerability, and engagement from BOTH partners. Change can't happen without meeting each other halfway! 

Pursuers and Withdrawers: What are some new moves to help you better understand each other's needs and strengthen your emotional and sexual bond?

For both pursuers and withdrawers, acknowledging the attempts of your partner and making them feel heard and seen, is the key to changing the dynamic you are stuck in. You have to protect each other and always reward the vulnerability and risks of your partner! 

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Affairs devastate the trust and connection in a committed relationship… Although healing after an affair is a delicate process and can feel impossible, we believe that recovery and reconnection is possible! What works best to restore the relationship and trust? 

Acting out in an affair is often a sign of problems with the person’s life or relationship. A push/pull dynamic can fuel the infidelity…

While sexual betrayal strikes at the very heart of commitment, marriages and partnerships can often emerge stronger after an affair. Join sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller, LMFT as they talk about the causes and how to recover from the pain of infidelity...

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We’ve talked about what turns women on… let’s hear about men!! It might not be what you expect...

We’re borrowing from Michael Castleman’s insightful research on male libido. Contrary to popular belief about what turns men on – a supermodel, beauty, lingerie… the research actually says there are much bigger, deeper factors.

The #1 factor? Desire, feeling wanted. Let’s talk about some of the main factors that impact male libido...

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All gas, no brakes!! We're using our acronym B.E.S.T. sex to talk about turn ons and turn offs. What works, and what doesn't work. Body, Emotional, Spiritual, and Thoughts... Use B.E.S.T. to be more intentional and find practical tactics to apply to your relationship.

B.E.S.T. sex is all about attunement! When your partner knows what you like, what you need, and how to touch you, that's hot stuff! The best love is when you feel safe, safe enough to take risks and know you'll still be accepting. A big part of great sex is to keep growing together, and the best lovers are vulnerable.

We've got some homework for you! Write down your turn ons and turn offs using the B.E.S.T. acronym and share them with your partner!

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How can you develop your erotic mind? The BRAIN is the best sexual organ we have! Engagement of the mind is important and developing eroticism can bring new energy into your relationship! 

Fantasizing about and longing for your partner leading up to the experience itself, builds anticipation - a major turn on. The unknown, “what could happen next?” feeling, common in the dating phase, that can be so exciting. Fantasies fuel arousal; They are great bridges into the moment. Sharing these fantasies with your partner and exploring them together - opens a new door to vulnerability… “What do you like?” “What do you think about?” - Get specific!

Reminder: It’s OKAY to fantasize, to let your mind wander… don’t judge your own thoughts, or your partners! Be open to vulnerability and use fantasies as an opportunity for connection. Strengthening your erotic mind will inevitably strengthen your bond and relationship. 

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Do you feel stuck in the negative cycle? What's not working?

Couples usually understand what’s not working, but not what they could do differently. It is difficult for pursuers to understand where their withdrawer partner is coming from... and vice versa.

But you are not helpless victims to the negative cycle! There are things you can do; You can control own your new moves. You can learn new ways to approach your partner that recognizes their needs.

In this week's episode, Laurie and George teach you new moves— for both pursuers and withdrawers! 

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When someone is committed to fidelity and their partner absolutely does not want sex—is there any hope?

Technically, sexless is considered less than 10x a year—but for some people, there is no sex. Sometimes each partner still has desire but they don’t know how to talk about it.  They may even masturbate on their own but feel it’s too complicated to share with their partner.  Sometimes the sexual pursuer just gives up and becomes a sexual withdrawer.

The danger of a sexless marriage is that the couple may not feel the love of or for their partner and become subject to the temptation of others. They may long for the sexual connection they shared in the beginning; George and Laurie share some ideas about how taking their clothes off again can be safer.

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What sexual cues turn women on? Here’s a hint—interest is sexy! 32% of women lack sexual interest, according to a research study by Meston & McCall, “Cues Resulting in Sexual Desire for Women.” The study found that increased sexual cues resulted in increased frequency for females. In this episode, we’ll talk about the many cues that trigger a woman’s desire! 

Female sexual desire has a more emotional component to it; Women are more externally triggered in relationship factors and setting; connection and presence. What kind of cues increase her desire? Let’s get specific. In this episode, Laurie and George break down the cues from the study: emotional bonding cues, erotic/explicit cues, visual/proximity cues, and romantic/implicit cues. 

“Cues Resulting in Sexual Desire for Women” (Meston & McCall): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2861288/ 

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In this episode, we’re answering YOUR questions!! We find that the questions can be repetitive because couples are struggling with the same sexual and emotional issues… Let’s talk about a common theme we hear from our listeners: Willing vs wanting.

Couples find themselves at a sexual "crossroads" with two options: breakthrough or breakup. How can you avoid the latter and instead find an opportunity to connect on a deeper level both emotionally and in bed? People get separated and divorced… not because they don’t love their partner, but because the distance gets too great. The mistrust gets too great. They become stuck in the negative cycle.  But you can BRIDGE that distance and have a breakthrough with higher levels of engagement, more love, and better sex! 

We love hearing your feedback! Ask us your questions on our website: www.foreplayrst.com/contact

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How can you better approach and communicate with your partner about your feelings and needs? Reflect, Evocative Response, Validate...

In this week's episode, Laurie and George give you concrete tools and bridging exercises to build your connection and understand each other on a deeper level.

R- Reflection - You’re telling me how sex makes you feel alive in your body. 

E - Evocative response - Can you tell me also what you feel about me in your heart when we have sex?

V - Validate - It makes sense that orgasm makes you feel merged with me and kinda one with the universe.

Starting these conversations opens the door to vulnerability; The goal is connection, not to solve the problem. When you experience success in that communication, that feeling of connection is what will eventually allow you to solve the problem.

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Have you experienced a state of “flow” during sex? What is the correlation between flow and sexual satisfaction? A new research study by Jamea, E. N., McCaskill, L.A., & Needle, R. B. (2021) found that flow proved to be a significant positive predictor of both partner-focused and personal sexual satisfaction. In this episode, Laurie and George talk about how to find this sexual rhythm that will help you fall into each other, lose yourself in the moment, and merge together as one. 

In general—how do we control happiness and contentment during sex? By entering the zone... Happiness requires a committed, intentional effort. When we become absorbed in a flow:

• There’s a distortion of time - losing track of time, getting caught up in the present moment
• A loss of self-consciousness and inner critic
• Have a beautifully synchronized experience

Get in sync with your partner and have passionate, fulfilling, and BETTER sex!

Check out the article and research by Dr. Emily Jamea, Ph.D., LMFT, LPC!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/extraordinary-relationships/202103/can-you-experience-flow-state-during-sex 

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We are keeping HOT this week! Real talk about female pleasure and the clitoris…

Discover new techniques to increase pleasure during sexual intercourse. Using research from OMGYES and Laurie’s sex therapist experience, we hear about techniques to try—both physical and psychological—to help your partner experience more pleasure. Women: FEEDBACK is important, so being vocal about what feels good or even showing your partner can help you have better sex and intimacy. In this episode, we’ll discuss 4 techniques from the study: angling, rocking, shallowing, pairing, and kegel squeezes! 

Explore even more techniques with informative videos and graphics at OMGYES.com. Our listeners get a 10% discount with our link OMGYES.com/foreplay!

Research by OMGYES gives insight into how women can increase their pleasure in vaginal penetration. In partnership with Indiana University and Kinsey Institute researchers, OMGYES has interviewed and surveyed thousands of people with vulvas about what’s made their pleasure better. Everybody is different—What works for you? 

Finding out what works for other people can help you find NEW things that expand your pleasure. 

THERAPISTS AND CLINICIANS: This has been such a valuable resource for us to use as sex and couples therapists! We highly recommend it for sex-positive educational purposes, PLUS certified nurses, clinicians and therapists get free personal access—so you can see whether you want to recommend it to clients! All you need to do is email your professional website/profile to [email protected]!

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Anal play, anal penetration, prostate stimulation or anal sex.  While we may feel squeamish about this subject - the anus IS an erogenous zone charged with sexual nerve endings. It's also a body part that from childhood that we've been taught is contaminated and dirty. We may even feel shame about the anus. Especially we might feel shame about our desire to include it in our lovemaking and then never talk to our partner about these ideas. We're not trying to get you to try anything you don't want to try. But George and Laurie are trying to get you to have a conversation about it. We want people to see the opportunity in these vulnerable conversations to share who they are. Even if you don't get what you want, there is something important about knowing yourself and knowing your partner better. If we protect ourselves and don't have these conversations, we ultimately have lower engagement in our partnerships.

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Maybe you or your partner is uninterested in or uncomfortable with certain acts, such as oral sex.  Both men and women can resist oral sex. What’s holding them back? The turn off could be anything: smell, taste, self-consciousness, discomfort, cleanliness, or fear of failure. But most of these concerns can be mitigated by change! 

However, some things may be off limits entirely and we have to understand and respect our partner’s boundaries… How do we grieve for sex acts that we want but just aren’t on the table for our partners?

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This week we’re talking about erotic blueprints. Like the 5 love languages—but all about sex! We all have different ways that we get turned on… Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky, and the Shapeshifter. Do you know your dominant style?

When partners have different sexual styles, they can be on completely different wavelengths and don't understand what their partner wants. How do you get them talking about it and into flexibility, so that they can meet each other's needs?

In a committed erotic life, you have to be willing to meet each other half way. Some of the time, figuring out what your partner's big turn on is and giving them that, keeps it exciting for both of you. How can we meet our partner in a different approach and learn to speak each other's erotic language?

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Erectile dysfunction is a common issue and can be caused by a number of reasons such as anxiety, age, medication, and physiological issues. The good thing is, ED is treatable! 

Anxiety is perhaps the number one reason for ED. Oftentimes the pressure of performing can become overwhelming and cause a disconnect because they are unable to relax. With unrealistic expectations that come from porn and society, men can be harsh on themselves and worry that they aren’t a good lover. Men are hindered from being in the present moment because they are concerned about their performance and focused on the “end goal” being ejaculation.

But what is the goal of sex and intimacy? Is it orgasm or deep connection? The goal is to focus on the love and the connection, not the finish line. Focusing on the connection without expectations can be an excellent anecdote for anxiety. If the goal is connection, there is a beautiful opportunity to use vulnerability to come alongside parts of each other that almost never get connection. When struggling with ED, men need reassurance from their partner and know that they will be loved and wanted regardless of the outcome. Learn to let your partner in during these moments and face those fears together, not alone. There is strength in sharing fears and overcoming them together. 

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What are the blocks that keep us from each other?  Withdrawer blocks might look like taking space through laughing, walking away, or being too positive to avoid emotional pain. A sexual withdrawing block might be a headache or being busy.  A sexual pursuer block may be angry pressure trying to motivate change or wishing to wake up their partner and drive a sexual action.  Laurie and George show the way to see past the block.  You don't have to be perfect but you CAN get through blocks. Take George's challenge about what to do with the blocks from your partner!

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Does your partner feel just outside of your grasp? Are you longing for a deeper physical and emotional connection? Pursuers and withdrawers have different needs and fears that need to be heard and understood... What do you long for? 

Fulfilling each other's needs and desires can bring you closer together, but you have to communicate and create the space for this to happen. Pursuers fear rejection and often feel like they're being "too much." They need to feel wanted and fought for. Withdrawers fear failure of "letting their partner down" which is why they are hesitant to engage. They need to feel acceptance and reassurance from their partner.

You have to meet each other halfway... Pursuers—create safety by expressing your longing for both sexual and emotional connection to your partner. Be attentive to their needs and give affirmation of their feelings. Withdrawers—you hold a lot of power and being willing to initiate can go a long way. Meet your partner with excitement and reciprocate a desire for deeper intimacy.

When the pursuers longings are finally met, it can be very healing for both partners. Enjoy the afterglow moment together!

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How can you navigate the world of online dating and find a partner with the qualities you’re looking for? How can you avoid wasting time on drama and ghosters and find people interested in a similar connection? 

It’s hard to know much about a person by evaluating their online profile. Most profiles keep it surface level- their hobbies, career, favorite books, etc. But who are they really? What are their values? And what level of commitment are they looking for? 

When you’re online dating with the intention of finding a partner and real commitment, it can be hard to decipher who is on the same page. And the “swiping” culture doesn’t help with clarity… Physical attraction can become the highest value and maybe you’re basing that first impression solely on their profile picture. Or maybe you’re only looking for casual sex, no strings attached. What’s important is being clear and upfront about your intentions and what level of commitment you’re looking for! Without communicating this, somebody could be hurt. Authenticity will prevent things from getting lost in translation and save everyone’s time. 

Online dating can be tricky… and putting yourself out there can be a little scary! So, when you set up your online profile, ask yourself: Who am I? What do I need? What qualities are important to me in a partner? What kind of commitment and connection am I looking for? And then, make those values very clear on your profile. 

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Why is makeup sex so hot?! Emotions are so raw in the moment… and anger can be arousing! The passion is mutual and therefore, even hotter! Energy is high, inhibitions are low, and both partners are present. Distance is created when fighting and the act of makeup sex literally bridges that distance. The most threatening part of a relationship is right before the makeup scene… the riskiness. Which is why the experience of overcoming those fears together feels even better. It’s the mutual affirmation that brings greater connection—which equals greater sex! 

But how can we skip the fighting and distance altogether and still get this kind of passion in everyday sex?! What risks can you take together that will bring you closer? It’s about being present in the moment together… Maybe it’s going on a high-adrenaline date together like skydiving. Or meeting in a bar as strangers! Even taking emotional risks and revealing vulnerable parts of yourself can be arousing...

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Let’s open the door to the erotic mind of a female…What do women fantasize about? What gets them hot?

Not just fantasizing in the moment—but even daydreaming can be exciting. Our minds are designed to wander… Women often turn the switch “on” by thinking about old memories, fantasies, romance novels, movies, etc. These scenarios and thoughts tend to have more of a romantic narrative than men. There can be more emotional connection involved sometimes, but women also fantasize about being “taken” and respond to a man’s powerful, dominating sexual energy! There is no shame in whatever your fantasies may be, and it can be freeing to express those with your partner! If exploring those fantasies together increases your engagement and keeps you present in the moment—it’s a good thing! Creating the safety to have these conversations is a great start that will lead to a deeper connection.

In this week’s episode, Laurie shares her perspective on the erotic mind of women with George, and together they break down the themes of female arousal...

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Why do men struggle with expressing their emotions? Often they’ve spent much of their lives learning how to avoid feeling vulnerable at all costs—adhering to values such as toughness, assertiveness, logic, disciple, and confidence. They are trained to feel like expressing their emotions is a “weakness,” making them reluctant to embrace being vulnerable. How can we help men/ emotional withdrawers open up and be vulnerable? 

As a partner, you can encourage vulnerability by creating safety. A soft approach is important to reassure the withdrawer that they aren’t doing anything “wrong.” Being too pushy can make the withdrawer more defensive and retreat. When initiating a conversation, it should be an invitation—not an accusation.

Being vulnerable can take time... so pace it and celebrate the little wins! We want men/withdrawers to embrace the positive benefits of vulnerability to bring deeper intimacy!

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What are some of the common sexual "blocks" that women experience? Reservations around the idea of sex can come from a number of things – religious values, guilt and shame, body image and acceptance, or society's perception of female sexuality. These inhibitions can shut down the erotic mind completely... How can females overcome these hindrances and develop a healthier relationship to sex?

Listen to this week's episode as Laurie & George answer questions from fans!

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Pursuers become burned out after being turned down time and time again... This rejection causes them to lose their confidence and be more cautious. How can men get back their sexy confidence and energy that women crave?! 

Great sex NEEDS communication! Pursuers have to change their relationship to getting feedback- welcoming it instead of perceiving it as criticism and pushing back. 

Men need to champion themselves internally with affirmations- talk yourself up, you handsome devil!

Take charge like a 21st century pirate- with communication and strong energy!

Borrow some mojo from other roles in your life where you do feel confident and in your element!

Fantasize about a different, more confident you...Rocky in the bedroom! The pirate, the caveman!

Listen to Laurie and George talk about the ways that men can get their mojo back after being shot down...

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In early dating years our partner’s face lights up at the thought of sex, they tell us with their eyes that we make them hot. The gleam in their eyes hits our body, hits our center, hits our being.  Feeling that we light up their world is a turn-on!

Secure attachment begins with the loving gaze of our mother or parent – cradled in the crook of their elbow – they smile and coo because we are theirs.  Later in childhood we know we belong and make our parents proud when we see it in their eyes… not so much for our accomplishments but because we are their son or daughter. 

In romantic partnership, sexual desire that radiates from our partner’s face and gaze is a powerful reminder of belonging, safety. We revel in being the person who excites our partner.

What happens though when our partner is willing to have sex but doesn’t give us that deep reassurance that we are desirable with a gleam in their eye? Can we get it back? How do we tell them what we need from them to turn on?  Listen as George and Laurie get through to each other about how sexual desire is tied to being the gleam in our partner’s eyes.

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Have you lost your confidence in bed? Anxiety is a sex killer. Whether it’s anxiety over your performance, being vulnerable, being naked, expectations of yourself, or of what sex is supposed to be like… any of these might interfere with pleasure, communication, self-esteem, and connection.  

This week, EFTers, Trainer Dr. Zoya Simakhodskaya, Ph.D. and Supervisor Michael Moran, LCSW, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, CST join George and Laurie to talk about how playfulness is the antidote to anxiety when making love!

Join us, as four sex therapists&couples counselors share how to start with a light, playful mood to shift the energy. Breathe and be powerful in overcoming any root of anxiety in bed. Can’t beat the fun or experience present in this episode as these two experts teach and tell their stories about helping couples change their sexperience from fear to confidence.

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How do you feel about having sex during your/her period?

There can be a negative connotation to intercourse during a woman's menstrual cycle that goes way back in history. This interpretation of a woman being "unclean" when menstruating is outdated- it's a natural, healthy, and beautiful thing! Even the word "period" makes most men uncomfortable and a topic they tend to avoid. At the same time, women are often taught to not talk about their cycle and are worried about the shame aspect... This is an important conversation to have...often men and women both have some resistance to having sex during her period. But, sex is always messy! 

We talk a lot about cycles, the pursuer/withdrawer, but how do couples see the menstrual cycle as their cycle? Not her cycle? How can it be something that they they do together and use this cycle to unite? They want to be there for each other when the other is down and not feeling so great... So wouldn't this also be a fantastic opportunity for vulnerability for couples? This is also a great time for non-sexual touching! Hormonal changes during this cycle can make you more sensitive and feel crappy...so maybe she needs more nurturing, comforting, or cuddling during this time!

Is this a conversation you've had with your partner?

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Premature ejaculation is very common, but also very treatable. It can be caused by a number of things such as performance anxiety, biological factors, early experiences with sexuality, or relationship issues. Sometimes it is related to the way that boys learned to masturbate "quickly" in their teenage years. Both men and women tend to have control over masturbating, but the body can be triggered too early with excitement or fear during intercourse.

Things like pornography set up unrealistic expectations for sex and how long it lasts. When in reality, the average intercourse is about 8 minutes! Premature ejaculation averages about 1 minute. This can create certain expectations that men have for themselves which results in pressure and anxiety. This anxiety is often the reason for early climax. With sex, there can too much focus on orgasm, and not enough on intimacy! Being present and focusing on a deeper connection can help.

In this week's episode, we'll talk about ways to overcome this problem!

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Jump into 2021 with a sense of direction for your relationship! Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about setting intentional relationship goals in 2021.

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The point of the holidays is to share love and connection! It's also a great time to spur meaningful conversations!

Set aside time to ask each other questions like:

What’s your earliest Christmas memory?

What is your favorite part of Christmas?

What was your favorite gift?

What was your worst Christmas and why?

What was your best Christmas and why?

The simplest of questions can lead to a deeper conversation. Sharing memories and stories can be a great tradition to start!

What are some of your favorite holiday traditions?

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The holidays are busy for everyone! But you can't forget to make time for your partner... Let's talk about the 5 love languages and ways to express your love during the holiday season.

Gary Chapman's five love languages describe how we receive and give love:

-Acts of Service

-Receiving Gifts

-Quality Time

-Words of Affirmation

-Physical/Sexual Touch

Do you know your love language? What about your partner's? We all want to feel loved and appreciated, but in different ways. We may be more responsive to certain love languages than others. 

But, we need all five! If you put them all together, it gives room for major growth in your relationship. Little reminders can go a long way- simple things like helping wrap presents, taking over chores, sitting by the fire together and watching a romantic movie, telling your partner how much you appreciate them, mistletoe kisses or a massage! Listen to hear our suggestions on how to speak your partner's love language during the holidays.

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Originally identified by Freud, the “madonna/whore complex” is the inability to maintain sexual arousal in committed, long-term relationships. It is the split between the softhearted and sexual currents in male desire. Freud wrote “where such men love they have no desire, and where they desire they cannot love.” Men want to keep the two separate- they desire a sexual partner who is sexy and promiscuous, while they cannot sexually desire the respected partner. Women in particular split themselves- whether it’s the all-giving, loving mother madonna or the fun, sexy party girl. It can be hard to merge the two! The difficulty when you're in a committed monogamous relationship, is this how do we let both parts of ourselves out? And how do we see both parts in our partner. The same applies to women and their conflicting desire for the “caveman/co-partner!” 

Don’t settle for either/or! How can you have both? Sometimes this requires re-eroticizing your partner, taking risks, and rekindling the lustful side of yourselves. What Freud was missing was...you need secure attachment to make it work! In order to bridge the divide of how to feel safe while also bringing out that lustful side, you need clean ways of communicating that create safety in your relationship. That integration is the key!!

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Women who have felt or seen their partner’s anger will not be able to feel his erotic vibe.  Sexual pursuers can become demanding when their partner isn’t responding to their attempts at intimacy. Their frustration can keep increasing and eventually boil over and become anger (COVID definitely hasn’t helped with impatience!) While anger can sometimes provide quick change in the short-term, it is not sustainable in the relationship long-term. In the long-term, anger can slowly disintegrate the relationship and feeling of safety. 

Men and women can both be hot-tempered! However, an angry man can unconsciously frighten a woman by his intensity, strength and size. For a man, moving out of a place of silence into a place of speaking and expressing your feelings is important - the manner in which you do this is more important. Even if you have no intention of physically acting on your anger, it may shut down your partner’s sexy feelings. Hear what Laurie does to respond to a roleplay of George’s anger by 1) not responding in kind 2) being firm and 3) removing herself when the anger reaches the point of abuse.

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This one comes at you fast! George and Laurie talk through a variety of sex acts that couples choose to liven things up. No judgements just a curious exploration of what might turn a monogamous couple on and why. With lots of laughter, they talk through where to do it, what you might try, how to reduce some anxiety when trying new things - everything from sexual positions to taking control to role play. If you’d like to receive the list Sexual Variety for you and your partner to talk about - email us at [email protected]

Help us and join our contest to win from our sponsor Manscape a perfect package by sending us a screenshot of your review on iTunes!  Drawing on 12/4/20.

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How can you and your partner align your emotional and sexual cycles? 

We can be on different planets sometimes when it comes to these cycles, but when they align with each other they are more consistent. Finding an intersection between your emotional and sexual cycles requires both partners to take risks. However, you may not recognize each other’s attempts! 

Sexual pursuers often look for connection through physical touch...they are being vulnerable by initiating. They are trying to make repair without words, but the withdrawer may not see this attempt because they need words. The withdrawer may perceive it as their partner “only wanting them for sex” which can add to the pressure and make them pull away. The pursuer then perceives this as rejection to their attempt for connection. This miscommunication is what causes us to get lost in a negative cycle. 

When the withdrawer takes a risk to open up sexually and lower their defenses, they are also being vulnerable. Again, flexibility from both partners is key; having the mindset of “let’s see what can happen…” 

Sex can be a great repair; it can bring you closer together and help you get to a place of connection to then talk about hurt feelings and emotions with each other.

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Can willingness replace desire? Are you wanting or just willing to have sex? Sometimes willingness can mean being vulnerable and communicating with your partner about your needs, anxieties, desires, and what you are comfortable with. Simply opening a safe space for conversation can make a world of difference. Both partners want to be heard and responded to simultaneously and that's hard to do when emotions are so prominent. Who is initiating vulnerability and bringing it up? If a withdrawer takes the risk to initiate a conversation or explain their anxieties, the pursuer needs to keep focus on the withdrawer. The way that the pursuer chooses to responds makes a big difference in the outcome. It's not a time to compare your pain, or feelings of rejection, because that will only increase the pressure and their sense of failure. Instead, listen to them, address their hesitations, and make them feel safe. For pursuers, it can be so frustrating when the withdrawer doesn't want to talk, so it's important to voice your appreciation for their vulnerability. Withdrawers, be open to taking a leap! Never force yourself to do something your body doesn't want to- but maybe use willingness as starting point, not desire. Be willing to make love in hopes that your body starts to respond. Take time for pleasure, the goal is to connect and be present with the person you love. Pursuers, this requires patience. Start with the understanding that it may not lead to sex or orgasm and be open to connecting in other ways. This takes off so much pressure for the withdrawer! A strong relationship needs both partners to be willing to be vulnerable emotionally, physically, and sexually. The goal is good enough or resilient sex. This requires lots of flexibility and adaptability!

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Mailbag!! George and Laurie answer questions from the Foreplay Fam in this week’s episode! They’re talking all about unrequited fantasies, compromise, and vulnerability. Sexual fantasies are extremely common; in fact only 4% of men and 14% of women report NOT having fantasies. A listener talks about a fantasy of an old lover and not being able to get it out of her head. While this one may be a block to emotional connection, fantasies can also be mined for good information about what turns us on. And some partners feel comfortable and like sharing their sexual fantasies as a way to grow learn and get aroused with each other. Sexual improvement requires vulnerability and willingness to talk about your sexual needs. Discuss with your partner what they are comfortable with and address any of their concerns. Compromise is important in any relationship. While we want people to feel respected sometimes we might do something for tour partner out of love in order to just make our partner happy. It’s all about communicating these things! Listen to this week’s mailbag episode now to hear more of your questions answered!

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What should a woman think about a man who doesn't initiate sex much and doesn't even seem to want it?  She wonders if he's even attracted to her. Laurie and George explore his mind, heart and body's experience before, during and after sex to see what really goes on, what his secret fears and hidden insecurities are. 

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What does resilient sex look like in a female? George and Laurie take another look at how a different woman - a sexual pursuer - might answer questions about her experience pre, during & after sex for her erotic mind, her heart, her body and her genitals. It makes sense why she would want to connect sexually when all 4 categories are so high during the sexual experience.

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Sex during COVID (still!) - while kids are home, while we're stir-crazy, closeness is feeling claustrophobic; and we've got the big sex killer - stress! Sigh. And the forecast is for .... more home time. Who knew in April we'd be looking at lockdown for a much longer time. Are you bored in bed? Need a bit of encouragement to keep it hot? Here's some help!

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Thinking about getting married and want to make sure sex is good and you stay emotionally connected? Never had these important conversations about basic sexual expectations? Set yourself up for success!  Couples often believe all of marriage is going to be like George’s example of  the “high road” – the great dinners, great sex and good times but we also want couples to have success during the “middle road” – the grind like paying the bills and the low road – dealing with their insecurities and vulnerabilities.  Especially, George and Laurie emphasize the importance of learning to talk about sex and direct couples to have the who, what, when, why conversation.  If you’ve never had these conversations you can jump right in now and make things better.  What so obvious later,  needs to be worked out early.  Who should initiate?  What are you going to do in bed? When is the best time for sex for your energy?

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George and Laurie talk with Dr. Polly Watson, MD (no relation!) about all the new exciting advances in sex medicine to find out what helps. We discuss the O-shot, hormones, female desire drugs, toys, Scream-Cream; JoyGell, even sex robots for a laugh! Find out what works and what is fun!!

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With the average Joe and average Jane so different in their approach to sex and the ways and timing of arousal, what can a couple do to close the arousal gap? Join sex therapist and author Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about how to negotiate the differences.

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This week it is Average Jane's turn! Join sex therapist and author Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about what the sexual experience for an average woman is and how to improve their sex life!

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George wants men to have a method to improve their sexual game in 3 zones—pre-sex, during sex and post-sex in 4 different areas: heart, mind, body, and genitals. Twelve variables for guys who like stats to measure their self progress. George gets into specific numbers for the average Joe in each area and has a plan for what they can do if they don't like their own assessment.

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As a sexual pursuer, how can you open a conversation with your sexually withdrawing partner? What are some typical questions that pursuers ask and how can they ask them in a better way without being dismissed?

Ever asked your partner: What are your sexual fantasies? What turns you on? How do you like to be touched?

These questions are often met with an "I don't know" response - and we know it's so frustrating to the sexual pursuer who has planned and thought about them only to be seemingly met with disinterest and rejection. Hear Laurie and George talk about how sexual pursuers can open communication with their partner about sex and reduce the pushing energy that blocks their partner? Open up to curiosity and leave them wanting something more.

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Let's talk about “killjoy” – the negative cycle that squashes the love life is so many millions of couples out there and how we can name it, notice it and do it differently. Sexual discrepancies are the most common thing we're going to see over 80% of couples are going to find themselves in a dynamic where one wants more than one wants less. In his marriage, George calls the negative cycle “California" and Laurie calls it “Drowning” with her swimmer husband. But there's something really fun about naming the negative cycle, the merry-go-round Groundhog Day, whatever word you want to come up with. The beautiful thing about doing this is it starts to externalize the problem. The problem isn't Joe. The problem isn't Mary. The problem is the dynamics that they've unconsciously created in this attempt to be with each other. George and Laurie role play a new way of communicating in “killjoy”!

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