Accepting The Unacceptable, Parenting Autism, Epilepsy, Special Needs

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030 | The Holidays With Your Special Needs Child

23 december 2019 | 34 min

029 | How To Be Courageous In The Face Of Adversity - with Brittany Joseph

18 december 2019 | 57 min

028 | Perfectionism and Why Its Ruining Your Life

10 december 2019 | 52 min

Are you someone who tends to be anxious, feel like you are never settled, or constantly experience fear and depression? Do you ever think you are not enough? If so, there is a chance that you could be a perfectionist. Being a parent of a child with special needs is a very challenging task. You might be fearful that you aren’t doing enough and as a result, worry that your child will not succeed because of you. Does this relate to you? If so, this episode is definitely for you! Today we are going to be talking all about perfectionism, how it affects our families and us in daily life, and discuss how we can manage and overcome this.

Perfectionism is an epidemic in the society of motherhood, and especially for kids with special needs parents. An especially important concept that I have come to learn is that perfectionism is anything but a strength. In fact, it is a huge weakness that doesn’t have a lot of positives about it.

In this discussion, I talk all about my upbringing, how I was raised by my grandparents, and how my childhood experiences shape the perfectionist tendencies in myself. When I found my husband-to-be and became pregnant with my first son, I thought that I could be a stay-at-home mom. I felt confident that if I could be half of what my grandmother was, then I could fulfill a purpose greater than myself. But because of my perfectionism, I would see what other moms were doing that I wasn’t, and this made me feel like a failure.

Later in life, I was hired at a job with a corporation that felt out of my league. There was always a voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough and that everyone would eventually figure out that I was inadequate. I discuss an experience that I had at my job that still haunts me to this day. It is an example of what caused my perfectionism to become much worse and cost me my sanity because I wasn’t balanced.

An essential fact that I learned through all of this is that you are never completely satisfied as a perfectionist. You will always think that you could improve something if you had more time. No matter what you really achieve, it is never going to be enough.

To a perfectionist, having a child with special needs is almost a perfect recipe for disaster. Perfectionism relates to special needs parenting because you feel like this child needs a lot more than what you are capable of giving. I began to overthink and stress about everything that my daughter Remy required and felt like if I couldn’t do it, I would be a failure as a mom.

The reason we put pressure on ourselves is that we feel like if we don’t do enough for our kids, they will grow up and fail in life. These thoughts can spiral out of control. It’s easy to say that if you don’t have the time to make it perfect, you won’t try at all. As a result, there are so many areas you can neglect with your kids because you don’t feel like you can give enough. The more perfect we try to be, the more alone we are. And the more we try to do ourselves, the more we procrastinate. If you are a perfectionist, this is coming out in every way towards your family, which is the worst thing that you can do.

I have taken considerable steps in overcoming perfectionism when it comes to my family and especially my kids. I have to continually work at accepting that things aren’t going to be perfect. Instead of slowing down and thinking that everything doesn’t need to be accurate, I was exhausting myself by trying to keep up with my impossible standards. Maybe you are just like me, and you have perfectionist tendencies, or you don’t even realize that you have them.

Perfectionism is killing you by making you anxious, stressed, and depressed. This energy is one of the most toxic things for you and your family. Are you someone who is calm, gives them attention, and is present with them, or are you, someone who is snappy, stressed out, anxious, and all over the place? Remember that your kids and your family are not going to care how perfectly the plan is that you put into place. What they will care about is how you show up in the world.

Interesting Points

(37:33) Perfectionism always stems from a fear of failing and not being enough. We have to teach ourselves to not be afraid to fail at times and to let others help us when we are incapable of doing something or simply don’t have the time or energy.

(37:47) Being perfect cannot take the place of you being present with your family. When I look at the areas that I tried to be perfect, whatever that task is, the amount of time and energy spent on that one thing is more than a reasonable amount of time and energy than it should be. This is time that could be given towards spending it with your family and enjoying them instead of feeling stressed and anxious.

(39:37) The most significant gift you can give your kids is your presence. They aren’t going to look back at their childhood and think about the things that you failed at. Children remember the time you spent with them and the energy and mindset that you project outwards in your behavior and actions, not the imperfections that you are dwelling on.

(35:55) You cannot be everything for your child. You cannot do all of the things that your child needs and be a happy person. You have to allow yourself to let others help you to create balance.

(46:40) Your sanity is so much more valuable than having everything perfect. Even if we could spend an excessive amount of hours on something, in our minds, it still wouldn’t be perfect. So we should stop trying to achieve perfection because we are sacrificing not only our valuable time and energy that could be devoted elsewhere but, most importantly, our mental health and wellbeing.

Resources

Accepting The Unacceptable Community https://www.facebook.com/pg/acceptingtheunacceptable/about/

Other places you can connect with me

jodywarshawsky.com

027 | Expanding Your Family After an Autism Diagnosis - With Leah Behrens

3 december 2019 | 44 min

Today, I am joined by Leah Behrens who is the author of the blog The Behrens Den and an amazing wife and mother to three children. Two of which have autism.

Leah shares her journey into motherhood, dealing with an autism diagnosis for both of her children, how to make your marriage work, experiencing a miscarriage, and advice for anyone who is thinking about having another child after a diagnosis.

Leah found out that she was pregnant when she was nineteen. Because she became pregnant so young, her friends were in a completely different stage of life, so she felt very disconnected from them and it was an isolating time for her. She began to realize that she was experiencing postpartum depression and she talks in depth about how she was able to work through it.

It took Leah awhile to accept the first child’s diagnosis. To cope, she dove into everything involving autism. Leah began to realize that she was only putting a band aid on the real issue.

“There is a unique grieving process you must go through when you get the diagnosis. You are in denial, you may blame yourself, question if it is something you did wrong or are being punished for and feel guilty for all of these emotions. You have to let yourself feel these things, because it is the only way you can eventually reach acceptance. “

The first diagnosis was scary because she didn’t know what to expect or what her life would be like. After Leah received her daughter’s diagnosis, it was easier for her because it was the second time around and she had already accepted it. It allowed her to view her daughter differently and to have more patience with her. As a result, she began to experience a deeper connection with her kids because she finally began to understand them.

There is such a high divorce rate of parents who have kids with autism. Leah and her husband struggled because they were dealing with accepting their children’s new future on their own. Leah needed a partner to go to and talk about the anxieties she felt. when she finally vocalized that, the diagnosis strengthened their marriage. It connected them in a way she didn’t think they would be otherwise.

Leah experienced a miscarriage when she tried to have a third child. Going through this felt like the joy of pregnancy went away for her and she was sad because her fear of miscarrying again took away any possible excitement. She felt similar feelings as she did towards an autism diagnosis. She had to grieve the loss of her child and the realization that she couldn’t feel the joy of being pregnant. Leah learned that you can be sad that you are missing out on something, but also enjoy what you do have.

So many people are scared to have more kids if they already have a child with special needs. Having a third child didnt alter Leah’s life, because she was already there with her other two children. Her third child was a unique and wonderful experience because she didnt have any expectations for her and just allowed her to be who she is.

“For anyone considering having another baby and feeling terrified, just do it! There will be things that adults won’t be able to teach your children that younger siblings can. That baby will bring so much joy to your family because you have already gone through so much trauma and now you will get to just enjoy your child.”

“A final and important thing to remember is that your child is the same kid that they were before they received the label. They were already going to do or not do the same things as before. Your son or daughter is still the most amazing human being and it is okay to feel sad about it and also enjoy your life with them! “

Important Notes:

Everyone grieves when they go through an autism diagnosis. You have to grieve the dreams you had for your kid. They can still do those things, but it will look differently for them. You have to accept that what their future will be is not as easy as it once looked, but they are strong enough to face anything.

Allow yourself to feel everything.

It is important to give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling. It is key to acceptance and there is no way around it. You have to let yourself work through all the stages of what normal grief is. When you do this, a weight will be lifted off your shoulders. Because it is so heavy to carry all the anger and regret. But when you let your child be the way they are, you will see that life becomes easier.

If you don’t go through it together, you don’t make it out together. So many people are not struggling together, grieving together or praying together. Both you and your spouse are grieving and are not giving each other your best. It can become easy for arguing to become a natural reflex to deflect and express the frustration you are feeling about something else.

It is okay to stop mid argument and breakdown what you are actually upset about. Your argument with your spouse could be because of something else going on. Its okay to just be done arguing, you don’t have to over talk things. You don’t have to wait for the argument to end to come to that conclusion. Sometimes it’s helpful to just stop and really think about why you are reacting.

Remember that your child is the same kid that they were before they got that label. They already were going to do the same things or not do the same things as before. Your son or daughter is still the most amazing human being as always. It’s okay to be sad about it and also enjoy your life with them. It is much more rewarding and beautiful and so much less stressful to give your child permission to be who they are.

Leahs Contact Info

Instagram; leahbehrens

Blog: The Behrens Den

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My contact Info

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026 | Beliefs, How Your Belief System Shapes Your Special Needs Child

26 november 2019 | 49 min

Every single one of us holds beliefs that we believe are true. Do you know that our beliefs shape both our happiness and our misery? What we believe can help us to raise our child with autism and special needs to be strong and independent and happy, or it can help them to grow up feeling like a victim and that there is something wrong with them.

In this episode, we are talking about the topic of beliefs. We don't often realize that the beliefs that we hold so closely shape everything in our lives. Our reality that we view the world is framed by the set of beliefs that we have. It can be challenging to look at them in our own lives because it has been ingrained into us since we were little children. We've been trained and conditioned by the people in our lives. Because we've thought that way for so long, it's easy to believe it still.

The parents and adults in young children's lives fear the topic of special needs, and they teach their children not to stare or talk about them. They are taught not to look at someone different, and as a result, it puts into their minds that people with special needs should be feared. It is easy as an adult to still feel like it is the truth when you grow up with this belief that is there from such a young age. It is especially easy to take something as fact when there is a large group of people that feel the same way about something. Many people that hold a negative view about special needs often don't have anyone in their life that has any disability. I discovered that most of the beliefs I had were based on other peoples' uninformed opinions.

Growing up, I was influenced by the people around me and their view about children with special needs, and this shaped my negative thinking when I received Remy's diagnosis. I used to believe that Remy's autism and epilepsy was a curse placed on her life. She was a beautiful and perfect little girl in every way, and her life was cursed because she had crippling seizures and was unable to communicate or interact with people like other children could. I had to start asking myself what the positives were about Remy's situation. What could be the reason that she has autism and epilepsy? I learned that when you question your beliefs and ask yourself why you believe something, you'll be able to see that a lot of those beliefs are not true and that your fear is just that. It's fear.

When you have low expectations, then the very things you are afraid of are going to be true. Your child can feel your energy, even if you are not verbally communicating it. If you think that your child is a victim, then that is what they will grow up feeling like, and it can create anxiety for your child and a sense of dependency. They will not think that they are capable of being independent or confident in themselves unless you believe that they are.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Our weaknesses or things that we think are weaknesses are there to help teach us and to help us grow and evolve. Our strengths are the special things that we can give to the world. Remy is here to change the world. Because of my actions and everything I believe aligns with that belief, it will inevitably happen. This enables me not to feel any fear about her future. When people have a change of heart, they will start to have a different perspective about people with autism and epilepsy, and that will influence other people in their lives and challenge their ignorant beliefs and so on. That is how your child can change the world!

It is a process to accept your child's diagnosis. The only way that your beliefs can truly change is if you acknowledge that they exist. Then you can start to think differently and believe differently, and that is when you will see that your life changes, your parenting style changes, your child changes, and ultimately, complete change happens.

Interesting Points:

(6:30) Beliefs are things we can change; they aren't facts. They are just a set of guidelines that we use to go about our lives. When I started to question the beliefs that I had, I was able to start seeing the beauty of autism and epilepsy. There is beauty in it because epilepsy, autism, and other special needs are there as a tool to teach us and awaken us and to show appreciation for the contrast in life.

(17:50) If we have a victim mentality, then every single action that we take is rooted in that belief, and we are leaving a devastating fate to our kids. The worst thing you can do is make a conclusion about your child before they are grown because you are setting whatever negative belief that you have about their future. I had to begin to look at what I believed and realize that what I thought about special needs was a small way of thinking. Asking questions about my own beliefs was the seed of what the power of Remy's purpose was.

(21:41) A cultural belief doesn't mean that what they believe is true. My experience with my daughter was very different than my experience with the things I heard before I had her. What people believed about autism and special needs was not correct because most of those beliefs came from people who didn't have someone in their life with autism or special needs.

(22:45) If you cant except your child, and you believe they are cursed, then what you are putting out into the world is more of that unacceptance and fear. It is not about the words you say but the energy around it. You may want the best for your child, but deep down, if you think that there is something wrong with your child, anything that comes out of your mouth or any energy is going to reflect that belief.

(25:13) All behavior is a form of communication, and whether you understand it or not doesn't make it any less communication. If you have the belief in you that your child is a victim, then you are putting that on your child, and even if you don't say it with words. You can be saying positive reinforcing messages with your words, but if your belief is something different, that is what they will hear. They will start to grow up thinking there is something wrong with them and that they are less than. When they become adults, they won't be able to function because the only messages they ever got were that they are a mistake.

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Power of Positive Parenting: A Wonderful Way to Raise Children by Glenn Lathum

025 | Special Education and the Power of Being an Autism Helper - With Sasha Long

19 november 2019 | 59 min

How should you respond when your child is consistently exhibiting negative behaviors, like a meltdown or tantrum? What types of curricular help are out there for parents that want to homeschool their child? What can you do to be an advocate for your child? Ensuring they get the help that they need both inside and outside of the classroom?

These questions can be very overwhelming to think about.

Today, I am joined by Sasha Long, author of the Autism Helper Podcast and creator of The Autism Helper Curriculum, to provide some clarity for you and give you answers to all these questions!

Sasha Long is a former Special Education teacher, and she spent ten years working in a self-contained public-school classroom. She loved doing her job, but she struggled in the beginning because there wasn't a lot of support for Special Education curriculums. Sasha went to school to become a BCBA while she was still teaching, and she learned a lot of helpful principles that she applied and put into action within her classroom. Eventually, she decided to create her own curriculum that would be structured and explicitly geared towards learners with autism.

In this episode, we talk about behavioral problems and how to stop reinforcing our children's negative patterns. It can seem easier in the moment to give in to our child's tantrum, but ultimately, we are not creating positive changes in their behavior. We should begin by figuring out what is motivating the disruptiveness and then determine how to starve the negative behavior and replace it with a positive and healthy way for the child to communicate what they want. It is also essential to write down the data behind these behaviors, so we can better understand what keeps triggering our child and the actions that work to help calm them down. It will help you to figure out how long their behavior lasts and what seems to be working or not on your part to discourage it positively.

We also discuss how we can better advocate for our children and in doing so, help there to be more inclusiveness when they are in social situations. By speaking about the positive actions and the good things that our children are doing, it creates a positive image in people's minds. People are more inclined to remember negative traits and habits, so by reinforcing the good things about our child, it helps them to remember the positive instead of focusing entirely on what they do wrong.

There are four general reasons for negative behavior, called SEAT. This stands for Sensory, Escape, Attention, and Tangible. Each of these motivations can contribute to why your child is expressing disruptive behaviors. We often want to jump in and put an intervention in place immediately when we see negative behavior, but we need to figure out what is going on first because there could be things you are not noticing. Antecedents- what is happening before a behavior, and Consequences- what is happening after?

We also talk about Sasha's curriculum titled The Autism Helper Curriculum. She discusses each of the subjects that she created, which include Math, Language Arts, Science, Social Studies, Functional Literacy, and Reading Comprehension. It is designed for a teacher or parent that wants their children to have flexibility in their style of learning. Whether it is for independent study, an extremely verbal method of teaching, or through visual and gestural prompts.

We, as parents, need to find the courage to stand up for our children and be unafraid to challenge what our child is receiving and to ask questions about everything. We need to have discussions with teachers and other school officials in a way that is both respectful but also conveys our concerns or curiosities about anything that we want to know about. Ultimately, our children can only get everything that they need and deserve through us as parents advocating for them!

Interesting Points

Giving in to your child's tantrum is not creating long term change. Kids learn that they should wine or throw a tantrum to get what they want, and it becomes a vicious cycle that gets harder and harder to get out of. To respond, we must first think about our child developmentally, regardless of their age. Where is their skill set? A lot of kids do not have the coping skills yet to de-escalate on their own. When a meltdown becomes more significant than the original issue, there are a few things that you should do.

Make sure the child is safe and won't hurt themselves or others and then give them space. Sometimes something snaps them out of it, or it could be a gradual process. However, if this doesn't happen, you can start to create contingencies for your child. Let them know that if they communicate with you in some way that they are ready, you can speak with them or sit by them.

When a child is upset or angry, they won't respond very well to a specific command telling them what to do so you can create a choice board for them to pick from. Ask them if they want to go for a walk? Get a drink of water? Lay in their bed?

Be nearby with your physical presence to let them know that you are here for them, even if you are not currently giving them attention.

Plan ahead of time or create a protocol for negative behaviors and write down the data. When our kids are so full of anxiety, fear, and out of control, it can often transfer to the parents. Write down their behaviors and what is different about each time. If something isn't working or getting better, you should think about doing something differently. Data can be a simple as how long a tantrum lasted or what initially caused it. Remember that every experience is a learning opportunity!

How to be your student's publicist.

A common problem across many schools and classrooms is the inclusion piece. You are in control of the narrative about your kids! People remember the bad stuff more than the positive things. There might be negative things that people see regarding your child's behavior, and other people, and teachers will remember that. It could be why inclusion isn't working. Talk about the good stuff that your kid can do. It can be easy to focus on the negative behaviors that your child displays, but you should try and play a different narrative in your head so that when you talk about your kid's other people can see how much they can do. Focus on the positive things that your child can accomplish because they are so amazing!

All behaviors are functioning to get something.

There are Four General Reasons Someone Shows Bad Behavior | SEAT

Sensory, Escape, Attention, and Tangible.

Sensory- gives us some type of internal satisfaction
Escape- To avoid or get away from something.
Attention- Positive and negative. Attention is not just praise!
Tangible- To get access to something that you want.

Remember that you need to Starve it and Replace it. If you want to make negative behaviors not work as well, you must remove attention. You want to starve the negative behavior and make it seem like it won't work or not as well, while simultaneously replacing it for a new and positive way of asking for and receiving something.

How do you empower parents to make sure that their school year is suitable for their children? How do you talk to the teachers?

Become very involved, and don't allow yourself to be worried about offending someone. You can be involved politely and respectfully! Ask a lot of questions, even if it seems annoying. Be there for your teacher and develop rapport. Make sure that s/he remembers who you are and the interest you have for your child's wellbeing. Don't be afraid of questioning anything you don't understand because no one else is as interested in your child's rights as much as you are!

Resources and links mentioned:

The Autism Helper Podcast: Episode 12 "Negotiating with Terrorists"

The Autism Helper Podcast: Episode 13 "Being your Student's Publicist"

The Autism Helper Podcast: Episode 19 "Old School Time-out vs. New school Time-away."

Sasha Long's Website: theautismhelper.com (Access ABC Data Sheets) https://theautismhelper.com/

wrightslaw.com (to learn what your kid is legally allowed to receive from school) https://www.wrightslaw.com/

Contact Info and Links for Sasha

Website: The Autism Helper

https://theautismhelper.com

Blog: The Autism Helper Blog

Instagram @theautismhelper

Facebook: The Autism Helper Podcast

Podcast: The Autism Helper on Stitcher, Spotify, Anchor, and Apple Podcast.

Jodys contact info

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024 | Decisions, How To Know You're Making The Right Ones For Your Child

11 juni 2019 | 54 min

023 | I know It's Hard But You Can Do It

29 maj 2019 | 29 min

022 | Making Peace With Autism - With Megan Carranza

21 maj 2019 | 75 min

021 | ABA Therapy - With Ashleigh Guich

7 maj 2019 | 55 min

020 | I Accept My Childs Diagnosis But...

30 april 2019 | 47 min

019 | You Are Enough

16 april 2019 | 25 min

018 | How Our Marriage Survived Special Needs Parenting - Zach Warshawsky

9 april 2019 | 65 min

017 | Self Care

2 april 2019 | 35 min

016 | Special Needs Siblings, How To Balance Siblings Needs

26 mars 2019 | 58 min

015 | So What Had Happened Was... (update on the podcast)

20 mars 2019 | 10 min

014 | Autism, Nonverbal Communication

12 mars 2019 | 54 min

013 | Autism, How To Teach Your Child To Play With Others

5 mars 2019 | 43 min

012 | Autism, How To Get Your Child To Communicate

26 februari 2019 | 55 min

011 | Autism, How To Get Your Childs Attention

19 februari 2019 | 64 min

010 | Autism, Our Story

12 februari 2019 | 57 min

009 | How I Use Cannabis For My Daughter's Seizures

5 februari 2019 | 33 min

008 | Im Not Doing So Well At This Mom Stuff

29 januari 2019 | 32 min

Today I had a hard day. Do you ever have those days where you just feel like everything you do is wrong? You don't have anything figured out? The laundry is piled up, You haven't read your kid a bedtime story in forever, you haven't showered in 2 days, motherhood isn't quite fulfilling your sense of worthiness, you are questioning if you are doing anything right.

I had that day today. The to-do list was longer than the completion list. Sometimes I feel like I should know how to juggle everything all the time. I have been a mom for 16 years, I mean, I should have this thing down pat right?

In this episode, I am getting very vulnerable. I am sharing all my fears, shortcomings, worries, and feelings of inadequacy.

I have to believe that I am not the only one with bad days like today. Yeah, of course, us moms have bad days when our kids are in the hospital or having a very hard time because of neurological challenges, those are obvious. I am talking about bad days that we just don't feel we are enough.

This episode is very important because us moms need to know we aren't alone. we ALL struggle. Some of us struggle in areas that others succeed in and vice versa. If we didn't have these hard days, worries, feelings of inadequacy, then we aren't human. just sayin

I think we have these feelings because there are things we can improve on. We always have room to grow.

But what I am learning is that shaming ourselves and putting ourselves down doesn't help.

I hope you listen through my weaknesses list because I have a strategy I use to balance those feelings.

What if after we spent time focusing on all the ways we don't measure up, we spent some time listing all the ways we are killing it. The things we are doing right.

With this exercise, you will get a better perspective that you are doing a good job. You might not have everything figured out but there are things you are doing right and as moms, its so important that we are able to focus on those things as well.

If I can do it, YOU DEFINITELY CAN TOO

Let me know how this episode impacted you. email me, leave me an iTunes review or DM me on social media.

007 | Making Peace With Drugs / Pharmaceuticals / Medications

22 januari 2019 | 58 min

006 | Acceptance, Accepting the Child You Have

15 januari 2019 | 47 min

005 | Depression and Grieving the Child You Thought You Were Going to Have

8 januari 2019 | 31 min

004 | Bargaining and Grieving the Child You Thought You Were Going to Have

1 januari 2019 | 43 min

003 | Anger and Grieving the Child You Thought You Were Going to Have

1 januari 2019 | 33 min

002 | Denial and Grieving the Child You Thought You Were Going to Have

1 januari 2019 | 42 min

Do you feel anger, jealousy, and resentment because your child isn't who you dreamed of when you thought about being a parent? Do you feel way over your head and that you and your child have been short-changed due to a medical diagnosis? Grieving over a life you prepared for and fantasized about is totally normal and actually very healthy. Us moms feel such shame around grieving because we are supposed to be thankful and grateful for what we have. But sometimes life has other plans, and we are just along for the ride.

Denial is the first stage in grief and sometimes the hardest one to get over. But there are ways to be able to look at areas of fear and get through them even when we don't feel like we can face them.

Every mom who has a child with a neurological disability, autism, epilepsy, etc., grieves. It is because of fear of the unknown and sadness that our child may suffer and we don't know how to help them. We are angry that all the dreams we had might never happen and we feel worried that life will be harder than our children and we can handle.

The reason I am doing this podcast is that I had a PROFOUND event happen in my journey of being a special needs parent, that changed my life completely. I went from being utterly miserable, worried, filled with anxiety, jealous, confused, overwhelmed and afraid to complete and total acceptance.

When I was able to accept that my daughter had epilepsy and autism and that life was going to look different for us, it changed the way I parented, it washed my fear away, it made my soul calm and rested. Acceptance gave me hope and excitement and filled me with unconditional love. Love for myself and my daughter and the situation. It made me appreciate the journey and what its here to teach me and the world and gave me the answer to the question “Why this disease and autism for Remy? Why me? Why anyone”

This was 2 years ago, and ever since then, I want for EVERYONE who is raising a child with extra needs, to come to the point of complete and total acceptance. You deserve a life of joy happiness even though it looks different than you thought. But before we get there, we have to walk through the crummy stages first.

I have decided to talk about the stages of grief being a special needs parent. If we spend all our time and energy in a state of resistance, we can never have the strength we need, or our children need to thrive in life.

The first stage of grief and what this episode is about is denial. Denial comes in all shapes and sizes and is a natural defense mechanism to protect us.

Sometimes the fear is so great, that denial is a way that makes us not have to face the fear. The goal is to recognize the areas that we really shouldn't ignore and realize we are stronger than we think, and we find the answers along the way.

Enjoy this episode and tell me what you think. Here are all the places you can find me

Facebook : Page: Accepting the Unacceptable

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001 | Why Getting a Second Opinion is so Important

1 januari 2019 | 28 min

000 | All About The Show - Starting From The Beginning

1 januari 2019 | 34 min

All About the Show - Starting From the Beginning

When I first started on the road of being a mom of a child with autism and epilepsy, I was a fish out of water. I had no preparation or warning and not a clue of how to be the mom I needed to be for my daughter who obviously needed so much care. Out of desperation, I turned to every single place I could possibly think of to find answers. I came up pretty short and was shocked that something so known as autism or epilepsy had so few resources for people trying to make sense of it all. Doctors, specialists, friends, and family all had their value but the place I found the most help was from other parents who had gone through the same or similar journey as me.

When Remy first started having seizures, I was shocked that the “so-called” professionals had no real answers. When we left the hospital and I pleaded with the doctors and nurses to “PLEASE tell me what to do next” they all shrugged their shoulders and said “I'm not really sure, just come back to the hospital if you need to”

Luckily for me, I was able to connect with the most amazing people in this new world of parenting that helped show me every step of the way.  This was so incredibly valuable to meet other parents and see what they have done, but I wished there was a place to go that could dive deeper into some of these topics.

I wished that there were a podcast, blog, website, school any place that I could go and be able to get information about all the things we as special needs parents need and want to know. How to get the right services for my daughter, what are the available services out there, what research has been done for autism, what drugs do what for seizures, why isn’t my daughter talking yet, why does she wake up 8 times a night, what do I do during a meltdown, how will I ever take my child out in public without her running away, can my child go to school and if so, what does that look like.

I also struggled with my own health. I found that I wasn’t eating right, I wasn’t getting any sleep, never being able to leave my daughter to have a few minutes alone with my husband or other children. I was depressed and angry and stressed and overwhelmed. My friendships were suffering, I was in over my head and in complete and total agony.

I am starting this podcast because I was given this incredible journey. It hasn’t been easy. It actually has been like going through hell. But with the amount of growth that has taken place inside of me in these 5 years of raising Remy, I HAVE to share what I have learned for other parents who are starting this journey too.

I want all of you to know that if you don’t know what you are doing if you feel like you were dealt a bad hand if you wish you knew how to be one of those kick-ass parents, you will. It takes a lot of self-reflection, and a willingness to learn but its possible and necessary. Your child was no accident. Your child was made in the image of God and is here on this planet to change the world. Even if you don’t feel this way, you were meant to be their parent and you have the privilege and burden of raising that child and helping to make this planet more conscious.

If you don’t believe me, look around you at all the people your child has already touched and affected. Look at how much this little person has given people a reason to be better. THATS an incredible purpose. My daughter Remy is 5. She is on the spectrum and suffers from a seizure disorder called PCDH19. She has had thousands of seizures and has affected every area of life for everyone around her. She requires 1:1 attention at all times and while its oh so challenging, Remy is a world changer and I am blessed beyond measure to be able to be her mother. She has this sunshine that beams from inside her. She is the most resilient person I have ever met and in her world, there's absolutely not a cloud in her sky.

For this reason, I know that she was brought into my life as my spiritual teacher. She has taught me about compassion, appreciation, gratitude, and living in the moment. I am stronger, braver, and a more evolved parent because of what she has taught me and I can't wait to share those lessons with you.

Thank you for stopping by. We are going to have an amazing adventure together.

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