The Cannon Canon

The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) are transported to 7th Heaven with this "COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON"! We're talkin' Berry Gordy's THE LAST DRAGON! A movie that The Cannon Bros have an undeniable nostalgic "glow" for.

Once again, we swoon over the late great Vanity, praise the badassery of Sho'nuff and excuse the timidness of Leroy (he's definitely in a form of arrested development...right?). This movie hammer fists all our 80's nostalgic sweet spots. With its bop of a soundtrack, Bruce Lee obsession and classic over-the-top white slimeball villain, it's SHOCKING it's NOT a Cannon.

Turn it up the DeBarge and "Kiss my converse" because when you got the glow, your body's gold!

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We’re fudging the rules and diving back into the HBO/Cannon video releases and today we cover a horror classic the Cannon Bros know and love, Sam Raimi’s THE EVIL DEAD (1981)! Find out which Cannon Bro is team The Evil Dead and which is team Evil Dead II!

"For god's sake, what happened to her eyes!!!" but those ears are still good, so put down that fleshy old book of the dead and play this episode like it's Raymond Knowby's tape recorder, ya Deadite!

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The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) check in to let everyone know about the Cannon Canon release schedule moving forward.

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”Barbecue, huh?! How do you like your ribs?!"

It's another COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON and today we're talkin' 1988's ACTION JACKSON! A movie that lives in the Tango & Cash realm of irreverent joke at the time but actually better than it got credit for.

It's got Vanity, Coach and pretty much every stunt guy from Die Hard. Enjoy!

“I expected a standing ovation.” “You’re getting one.”

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"TO ALL MY FRIENDS!" The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) stagger down to the local L.A. dive and cheers to 1987's BARFLY! A semi-autobiographical screenplay written by Charles Bukowski and directed by Barbet Schroeder. This critically acclaimed Cannon flick has Mickey Rourke taking some big drunken swings (literally AND with his acting), Faye Dunaway gives a fantastic performance (as do her legs) and Frank Stallone shows he can be more than a classic Norm Macdonald punchline. Barfly maybe hits a little too close for comfort for the Cannon Bros, but that doesn't stop them from raising a glass to this prestige Cannon film.

Pour another and turn this episode up louder than Henry's classical music because "endurance is more important than truth."

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"That's my momma!" It's our second week of covering the comedic stylings of Dreyfuss & Landsberg! This week we discuss 1987's DUTCH TREAT! A movie that literally came out MONTHS after Detective School Dropouts. 

Cannon had conceived a vehicle for Dutch "girl band" the Dolly Dots in 1983 and they made good on that promise...4 years later...by combining their movie with a Dreyfus & Landsberg comedy. That's our Cannon!

It's a movie SO loud and unrelenting in its attempt at madcap chaos comedy that it gave one of the Cannon Bros a migraine. It also has the honor of possibly having the most attempted murders or actual deaths than most of the Cannon action films The Cannon Canon has covered! 

We discover that the Dolly Dots are a great 80's pop-rock band ala The Go-Go's and The Bangles, Dead Meat sounds better at 1.5 speed and that the TRUE star of this film...is the boom mic (which is present in almost every single shot). Should have received top billing, really. 

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“They don’t make Munks like they used to!” Abbott & Costello, Martin & Lewis, Cheech & Chong...Dreyfuss & Landsberg. That's right, for the next two weeks, The Cannon Canon will be covering the Cannon comedic stylings of Lorin Dreyfuss & David Landsberg! First up, 1986's Detective School Dropouts! A mixed-bag, madcap comedic romp that leaves the Cannon Bros a little lukewarm on the film itself but respecting the hell out of the story behind getting their two movies made to begin with! 

In this episode we discuss: The hustle and dream of sketch comedians landing a 2 picture deal with a movie studio, Benny Hill speed-ups, middle-aged men in flimsy tear-away clothing, a plane that shows Ninja III: The Domination as its inflight movie and composer George S. Clinton takes on the Euro-Discoteque nom de plume GEO for this score.

After all, "God knows what they put on their pizza in California!"

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“I can get an interview with a Times Square pimp!” It's Oscar season, so it's time to get prestigious here on The Cannon Canon. The Cannon Bros are dressed in their tuxes and sitting down to dissect the serious cinema of the Cannon Oscar swing, STREET SMART! Ever wanted to see a sociopathic Clark Kent? Then Street Smart is your movie! Christopher Reeve was able to make this passion project by agreeing to do Superman IV for Cannon. But of course, you know it came with some Golan & Globus stipulations. 

Morgan Freeman turns in an incredible performance that earned him an Oscar nom, Kathy Baker and Mimi Rogers get to show off their powerhouse acting chops and Christopher Reeve does his best to shake the Superman blues (and red cape briefs). 

Sip a Yoo-Hoo, get wild with the scissors and stay Street Smart, Cannon-heads!

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“I’m gonna rip out your heart and suck your blood!” Patreon member Joaquim Dantas steps up to the Cannon Canon plate and knocks it out of the park with this COULD'VE Been A Cannon pick! 1987's ENEMY TERRITORY! 

Before Full Moon Productions, Charles Band ran Empire Pictures and released this gem that hits ALL the Cannon staples. It's a movie described as Die Hard meets The Warriors and...it's pretty spot on! Add a dash (pun not intended) of some Fox News fearmonger porn and a surprisingly excellent soundtrack and you got yourself one perfect COULD'VE Been A Cannon! 

Starring Tony "Candyman" Todd, Ray "Ghostbusters Theme" Parker Jr., Stacey "Clueless" Dash, Jan-Michael "Airwolf" Vincent, Gary "Family" Franks and a brief appearance from Kadeem "A Different World" Hardison.

The film caters to Frank and Geoff even more with its Halloween theme sampled end-credit song!

Take a listen, ya dime store Darwins!

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"Hay is for horses!" It's the unofficial sequel to Breakin' that barely has anything to do with Breakin'! That's right, today we're covering the 1985 Cannon finger on the pulse film "RAPPIN'"! 

Where Krush Groove successfully showcased the early rap scene, Rappin'...has rapping sequences of Mario Van Peebles awkwardly re-voiced by Ice-T and Master Gee. Everyone gets a chance to rap (even if they shouldn't)! 

Despite its flaws, it's still fun to watch Rappin' Hood and his merry men mix it up the only way Cannon can! You'll be itchin' for a scratch, Cannon-heads!

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The HOT continues to boil over from "Hot January" thanks to Lou Ferrigno and Sybil Danning at their hot throbbin' peak! So you know what that means...no, we already covered Hercules....the OTHER one starring sexy Lou & Syb: 1984's THE SEVEN MAGNIFICENT GLADIATORS (or as the Cannon Bros call it, "The Sev Mag Gladz")!

We're talkin' Anthony Kiedis looking demi-god villains, middle-aged gladiators, chariot scenes so nice they used it twice (in 2 different movies), Han-cules and the most confusing, hard-to-follow action this way of a Transformers Bay production, babe. 

Hide the chickens and cheese, the Cannon Bros are sliding back the woolly sheath to swing around the thick phallic sword of entertainment with The Sev Mag Gladz (trademark pending)!

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“Kill the goat! Oil the women!” Our HOT January spills over into February where we…don’t have a theme. "F#@k It February"?

Today we cover Golan’s dream swing at the desert epic with 1984’s SAHARA. A film that looks great but maybe suffered from “too many cooks” syndrome. Starring young starlet (and infamously exploited) Brooke Shields and a handful of white actors in brownface.

We discuss: Jonathan Rhys Davies remains typecast, actors getting buried in the sand while covered in REAL beetles and scorpions (Jackass style), Brooke Shields’ Mom being EXTREMELY hands-on with her special Producer title, wild tone shifts, elastic geography and what speed should the roaring ’20s be represented at?

Plus, Geoff reveals the SHOCKING secret behind the inspiration behind one of his band's names.

"I am the law!" - Jaffar (not Judge Dredd)

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"The song- is finished. The laughter- silent. The dream- dead."  We continue to scorch the cold January air with more HOT Cannon titles! Today, we serve up two slices of piping hot beefcake with 1987's The Barbarians! Starring The Barbarian Brothers as...The Barbarians! Sword and Sorcery meets pure dumb Cannon fun! Eva La Rue charms, Michael Berryman Dirtmasters and Richard Lynch does what he does best, creeps up the screen and chews up the scenery. 

Call up an Emo Philips lookin' mystic, pop in that belly ruby, fight a phallic animatronic dragon and donkey noise your loin cloth exposed buns this way 'cuz things get HOT when The Cannon Bros tackle The Barbarian Bros!

"Who you callin' fatty, Moosehead!" R.IP. Ruggero Deodato

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“I just wanna f*******ck!” We continue our HOT January with HOT CHILI! A "teen sex comedy" that's not afraid to get bizarre and surreal now and then and also not afraid to share the exact same plot as Hot Resort. It's got sexy music lessons, gun-toting horny elders, a crazed Nazi-esque jealous husband, "ChiChi!", video blackmail, Bubba from "Mama's Family" going full skinemax and a bullfight gone wacky breaking the 4th wall!

Is it better than Hot Resort?! Tune in to see which WE think is the superior HOT movie!

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The Cannon Canon heats up a cold January with some hot flicks this month. This week we're covering the "sex comedy" (we use that term liberally), "HOT RESORT". One thing is true, there is a resort. With appearances from Bronson Pinchot, Frank "The Riddler" Gorshin" and known Hollywood creep, Dan Schneider.   

Does the movie live up to it's name and promise? Or is it a Cold Asylum (chacha)?

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The Cannon Bros are kicking off the New Year with a COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON! Patreon member, Joshua Richardson, chose one of THE most Could've Been A Cannon's we've seen yet. 1986's NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

John Stamos, Gene Simmons and Prince protege Vanity star in this wannabe Bond flick for the Pepsi generation. Is it effective Bond-fare? It certainly has A Bond (George Lazenby) and...yeah, that's about it. If you thought Gene Simmons was too subtle for your tastes, this movie gives you a full trough of insane and problematic Gene Simmons ham! You even get a side helping of Robert Englund!

Hiding emotions isn't good for your health, so sing it LOUD! "STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE, STARGROVE..."

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"Oh. I don’t like him. Kurt Cobain? He took my cricket." We conclude our detour into "Shane Black Christmas" with a movie that revived both Shane Black and Robert Downey Jr's career, 2005's Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

A movie that paved the way for RDJ Iron Man, ultra meta storytelling and an imperfect attempt to break gay stereotypes. Frank and Geoff are on opposite sides of their feelings on this movie, so to play tie-breaker, former guest John Murray steps back into the Cannon Canon ring to offer some insight as to why this is or isn't a top-tier Shane Black film. 

It's been the most wonderful time of the year covering Shane "Captain f#@%in' magic" Black. 

See ya in 2023, Cannon-heads! 

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The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. Today we discuss our FIRST (and likely only) Marvel movie, 2013's IRON MAN 3!

Shane Black gets a crack at a big-budget Marvel film and we ponder, "Is it a Shane Black Marvel movie or a Marvel Shane Black movie?" It's got all the Shane Black tropes you know and love plus the Marvel tropes you...tolerate. Though it really doesn't deserve all the hate it gets from the MCU spectators. 

Call up the "House Party Protocol" and suit up because we're deckin' and wreckin' the halls this Shane Black Christmas!

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 The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. Today we discuss 1991's THE LAST BOY SCOUT. And joining us to chat some Wayans and Willis is the last boy scout himself, Jason Gore! 

The Last Boy Scout is a movie where the two main stars hated each other, the producer and director hated each other, multiple editors had to be brought in to make the movie watchable and Shane Black, well...he got paid 1.75 million for the script (so he was probably OK). 

Friday night's a great night for football AND The Cannon Canon!

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The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. Today we discuss 1996's THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT. And joining us to chat about this underrated film is John Murray! 

We discuss the hit-or-miss madness of Renny Harlin, the stellar performances from Samuel L. Jackson and Geena Davis, how much of Shane Black's script was kept intact, the underutilization of Brian Cox and how Cutthroat Island's poor box office performance might have hurt this solid film. 

Take a listen, regain your suppressed memories, and declare "Chefs do that"! 

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The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. First up is 2016's criminally underrated The Nice Guys! A somewhat greatest hits of Shane Black tropes that fires on all cylinders.  It's an all-out Cannon Bros gush fest, valid criticism need not apply. 

Don't worry, "the car can drive itself". Turn up this episode and get in the Shane Black Christmas spirit with The Cannon Canon!

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"I don't like adventures!" It's November and with Thanksgiving here, we wanted to treat you to a feast this month with The Cannon Canon Commentary Cornucopia! All month long we're doing watch-alongs to some of our favorite Cannon films! This week we do a watch along for 1987's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE! 

Join us as we give some Langella love, crack-wise at He-Man's lack of use of his signature sword and rack up Lubic trailer one-liners! 

Load up on the leftovers, chow down like Gwildor and break out your Cosmic Key/Japanese Synthesizer, cuz the Cannon Bros have the power!!!

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Oh, our achin' banana! It's November and with Thanksgiving around the corner, we wanted to treat you to a feast this month with The Cannon Canon Commentary Cornucopia! All month long we're doing watch-alongs to some of our favorite Cannon films! This week we do a watch along for 1986's Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2! 

We've really come around to ol' Tobe "Cream Jeans" Hooper's TCM sequel. While Geoff still gets Chop-Top queasy, Frank gets homesick for Shiner and questionable BBQ. 

Gather 'round the table, hand Grandpa the death blow mallet and dance around to some Oingo Boingo, Cannonheads! 

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"OK, USA!" It's November and with Thanksgiving around the corner, we wanted to treat you to a feast this month with The Cannon Canon Commentary Cornucopia! All month long we do watch alongs to some of our favorite Cannon films! This week we do a watch along for 1988’s Bloodsport!

Watch along with The Cannon Bros as we Kumite all day, root for ANY sport's team named The Giants, ponder why exactly Forest Whitaker accepted this role at this point in his career and of course....marvel at some JCVD buns.

Dim Mak your worries away, sit down, relax and watch Bloodsport with the Cannon Bros. "I'll drink to that!"

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It's November and with Thanksgiving around the corner, we wanted to treat you to a feast this month with The Cannon Canon Commentary Cornucopia! All month long we do watch along to some of our favorite Cannon films! This week we do a watch along for 1985's DEATH WISH 3!

Put on your bib, fire up the ol' TV and favorite podcast platform, stack up on leftovers and get your fill of our stupid voices talking through Death Wish 3. You'd rather hang out with your family?! No dice, boyo!

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We close out CARPENTOBER with the Cannon Bros favorite Carpenter film (and possibly favorite film, period) HALLOWEEN! You've heard MANY people talk about this perfect horror classic...now you get to hear us talk about this perfect horror classic! 

It's the night the Cannon Canon came home...and talked about their favorite Carpenter film!

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“You gotta be f#@%ing kidding”. No kidding, CARPENTOBER continues with the alien paranoia classic THE THING! Considered a "failure" at the time, this Carpenter classic found the praise it deserved over the past 40 years. The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) dig this harder than a Swedish...sorry, Norwegian research team in the Antarctic. 

We talk killer creature designs by a young Rob Bottin, badass Kurt Russell beard/hair, existential dread, Lovecraftian Aliens and a mustacheless Wilford Brimley?! WEIRD! 

Break out the J&B Scotch and trust NO ONE! But trust us when we say this movie rules. 

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LOVE LIVES TODAY! We take a slight, but relevant detour from CARPNETOBER to share our thoughts on 2022's HALLOWEEN ENDS! With The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) being huge Halloween heads (and since we did Halloween Kills), you KNOW it had to be done. 

Crawl out of that storm drain, throw on your plastic scarecrow mask, hop on the back of our bad boy evil motorcycle and burn it all down with us! 

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CARPENTOBER continues with the wildly underrated PRINCE OF DARKNESS. An apocalyptic tale that came to Carpenter while reading about...quantum mechanics?! The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) hunker down in a creepy L.A. church and pontificate about science and religion, extraterrestrial Jesus and that awesomely creepy VHS dream transmission!

Fill up on some Anti-God juice, reach through the mirror to your evil faaaaaathherrrr and turn this episode up louder than an Alice Cooper rocker! 

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We're taking a detour from discussing Cannon Films this October so we can cover our favorite master of horror, JOHN CARPENTER! We're calling it, "CARPENTOBER"! To kick off CARPENTOBER, we put on our special shades to see the truth about the Carpenter classic "THEY LIVE"!  A sci-fi horror that unfortunately still has relevant social and political commentary today (but not in the way conspiracy dummies co-opted it). 

(Insert obligatory kick ass/ chew bubble gum quote here). 

Mama don't like tattletales, but spread the word about this episode! BUY! CONSUME! CONFORM! SLEEP! OBEY! CARPENTER IS YOUR GOD!

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It's another COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON and this time we're covering the infamously maligned TANGO & CASH. A movie that's better than the punchline it became over the past few decades. It's got prime sexy form Kurt Russel, Sly Stallone and Teri Hatcher with a Harold Faltermeyer score, what's not to love about this blatant copaganda romp?! Also, this movie's got more quips than Chandler Bing writing Deadpool fanfic over the corpse of an attention-deprived standup, cha cha.  

"Best Of What I Got"? It's certainly the best of what the Cannon Bros got, "peewee"! 

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We end SEQUELtember and our coverage of the Bronson "Death Wish" series with the return of the Bronson Bros (Frank, Geoff and Noah Segan) to talk DEATH WISH V: THE FACE OF DEATH!

This post-Golan & Globus "Death Wish" sequel/finale finds Kersey back in New York seeking revenge against one of the broadest mob stereotypes this side of a poisoned cannoli! MAMMAMIA! It's got toy soccer ball bombs, Kersey politely closing the door behind him when rushing to check on his dead fiance, Kids in the Hall-like problematic psychopaths, Chekhov's Acid Bath and more!

Will this be the last of "Death Wish" we discuss as the Bronson Bros?!  To that, we say, "Hey Lieutenant, if you need any help, give me a call." 

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"Pride is a poor substitute for intelligence." For this "SEQUELtember" installment, we're dippin' our toes back into the HBO/Cannon home video releases and talkin' RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II! A sequel with more of a summer blockbuster action flick feel than the first (blood) film (thanks in part to some script help from James Cameron). More government distrust, more gratuitous violence, more romance (sort of) and more scenes you might also remember from Gremlins 2! 

What do the Cannon Bros want?! WHAT DO WE WANT?! WE WANT, WHAT THEY WANT! FOR OUR COUNTRY TO LOVE US AS MUCH AS WE LOVE IT! AND FOR YOU TO ENJOY THIS EPISODE! 

*cue Frank Stallone*

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"SEQUELtember" continues with one of Cannon's most popular sequels, "BREAKIN'2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO"! And returning from our Breakin' episode to break down Breakin' 2 is Danielle Perez (Russian Doll, Curb Your Enthusiasm)!

Released only 7 MONTHS after Breakin', this "extended music video with suggested dialogue" raises the question: Is Kelly the real enemy? Is Ozone a bad teacher? Can breakdancing bring back the dead?! Does our insurance cover being treated at the hospital with the Foxy Nurses?!

One thing is for sure...we believe in the beat! And we believe in Golan and Globus! Snuggle up with your favorite Lucinda Dickey plush mannequin and enjoy this episode! 

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"SEQUELTEMBER" is here on The Cannon Canon! We kick off a month of Cannon sequels with 1990's Delta Force 2: The Columbian Connection! A movie that has little to do with the first Delta Force or Columbia. Filmed in part at Regan's abandoned getaway crib, this movie has Norris beating up "skinheads" in a restaurant, more Molasses 2x4 climbing and John P. Ryan having the time of his life. 

Billy Drago's still full from the scenery he chews up in this one! The winds of change are growing stronger, and so is SEQUELTEMBER!

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We close out August of Austin with the bizarre 1987 Cannon "kid's" movie TOO MUCH: THE ROBOT WITH A HEART! A tale about an American girl who forms a special bond with a robot in Japan. Does it lack a coherent plot, justification for actions and put kids in insane danger? Of course it does! It's Cannon, baby! 

This classist, copkillin' magical robot will have you shouting "TOO MUCH"!

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"Damn you, baby! And damn you, clown!" The August of Austin continues! Each week we'll be covering a Cannon film suggested by author and Cannon scholar Austin Trunick (The Cannon Film Guide Vol 1.: 1980-1984 & Vol 2: 1985-1987). Today the Cannon Bros take a sweaty, sexy(???) peek at 1984's Maria's Lovers (which you can watch HERE).

A rusty chair in a field, a bulldog in sunglasses, pregnant mouth invading rats, JOHN GOODMAN?! Yes, this movie will haunt your memories and make you skip town to work on the kill floor.

It's the episode you dreamed about for too long. Now it lives in your dreams. Not in your body.

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The August of Austin continues! Each week we'll be covering a Cannon film suggested by author and Cannon scholar Austin Trunick (The Cannon Film Guide Vol 1.: 1980-1984 & Vol 2: 1985-1987). Today the Cannon Bros tackle "CHAIN OF COMMAND" Dudikoff's final film for Cannon and a rollercoaster of convoluted twist after twist..after twist after twist after twist (repeat until dead). 

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Today on the Cannon Canon we kick off the AUGUST OF AUSTIN! Each week we'll be covering a Cannon film suggested by author and Cannon scholar Austin Trunick (The Cannon Film Guide Vol 1.: 1980-1984 & Vol 2: 1985-1987). And let us warn you...Austin did NOT disappoint.

Just when we thought Cannon couldn't surprise us anymore, Austin hands us PENITENTIARY III. The craziest movie the Cannon Bros have watched to date. WE HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU WATCH THIS MOVIE BEFORE YOU LISTEN! We're not even going to bother with highlights or a description because NOTHING can prepare you for PENITENTIARY III. 

"GUTS! GUTS! GUTS!"

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We close out J(CVD)ULY with the Cannon CLASSIC, 1988's BLOODSPORT! Based on a True (but not true) story. This is PRIME JCVD. Buns, Kicks n' Slo-Mo Screams. It's a Dim Mak blow to the cinematic senses and a nutpunch to the heart. You'll be chanting "Dux" and "Kumite" 'till the government tries to drag you back to the US Military. They've invested too much!

GO, GIANTS (any sports kind)!

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"You're discharged... Sarge." J(CVD)ULY heats back up with the JCVD classic, 1992's UNIVERSAL SOLDIER! 

Dolph Lundgren has the time of his life with ear puns, JCVD asks, "Is that supposed to be there?" and we get those obligatory JCVD smooth baby-oiled bunz 4 funz, y'all!

"Are we having fun yet?" You're gonna need a trunk full of bag ice to cool down after this hot episode!

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"HEY! WHO PEED IN THE POOL?!" J(CVD)ULY was getting TOO HOT, so we cool it down a bit with the JCVD (BARELY) co-star, classic NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER. A charming movie somewhere between Miami Connection and Rocky IV. A tale of some retreating and some surrendering to a mob that wants to own a franchise of dojos? 

JCVD is in this movie for a total of maybe 10 minutes and he plays a Russian? But at least you'll learn the difference between L.A., New York and Seatle karate!

OK, sure, the rules are being bent a little on this one, but our Patreon members voted and DEMANDED no retreat, no surrender on taking this movie head-on!

Summon the spirit of Bruce Lee, eat a full chocolate cake on your lawn and exclaim "I'm the best! I'M THE BEST!" IT'S NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER FOR THE CANNON BROS! 

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"Poor bastard. Tomorrow might have been a brighter day." J(CVD)ULY continues with 1994's TIMECOP! While it's a little played out to say, this movie is strangely prescient of our current time. Except for the Timecop stuff...that we know of. 

We get buns, splits, kicks and jokes that land with a thud, so you KNOW it's quality JCVD that we love. 

Afterward, you can pump that Fudge Factory, Inc on your Sony MiniDisc player!

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We take another slight detour off the Cannon track with the whole month of July dedicated to the "Muscles from Brussels" himself, Jean-Claude Van Damme! We're calling it J(CVD)ULY! This week we find ourselves in the Big Easy for 1993's HARD TARGET! 

Take a chance, like his mamma did, punchin' snakes while escaping the deadliest game and movin' in slow-mo to some "Swamp Denim" jams. We "Woo!" for Woo! And you will too! 

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When the Geoff is away, the Frank will play. It's our first ever Cannon Canon Patreon Roundtable! Patreon members Andy Puechner and Ed Harris join Frank to discuss their Top 5 Cannon Films (as well as some honorable mentions). If you'd like to join a future roundtable and have access to some episodes a month early as well as bonus content, head over to our Patreon and sign up! 

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We've been threatening it forever...and it's finally risen from its pulsating rubber grave! That's right, our "COULD'VE Been A Cannon today is SPOOKIES! 

A wild movie that is technically 2 movies? Amazing monster effects that balance out some of the head-scratching moments like WHY is there a cat guy dressed like Balki Bartokomous with a hook hand? HOW exactly are they all friends? Those awesome muck monsters are...farting? 

We love it. 

And thankfully it's available to stream on Shudder (we even recommend watching The Last Drive-In version with Joe Bob Briggs' commentary between scenes).

SPOOKIES!

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Austin Trunick RETURNS to The Cannon Canon to discuss his incredible new book The Cannon Film Guide Volume II (1985-1987)! 

We talk all things Cannon and the staggering amount of information that had to be parsed through for this massive edition. We also get a taste of what Volume III might look like and we set in stone "Austin's August Picks" where Austin will hand pick the Cannon films we cover in the month of August! 

It's a great chat that will leave you wondering, "How deep did Bronson's knowledge of The Groundlings go?!"

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"You can find me at the school". After a month of Bronson, we decided to return to an old friend (sort of), today the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) discuss 1990's (technically 1991) "American Ninja 4: The Annihilation". Dudikoff returns...45 mins into the movie. It's a sequel that's missing a bit of that "ninja magic"...and Steve James. 

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"I can carry nearly eighty gigs of data in my head." And the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) can talk 2+ hours about 1995's pre-Matrix Keanu cyberpunk flick "JOHNNY MNEMONIC"! A "COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON" picked by Patreon member Brian Armstrong! We thought it couldn't get more 90's than "Tank Girl", but Johnny Mnemonic is a Fruitopia-soaked Gateway Computer running Windows '95 while Stabbing Westward blares from your Sony Discman! It's gold, Jerry! 

Slammin' electro-hard rock soundtrack? An angry Ice T character? A talking dolphin with telepathic abilities?! Keanu being Keanu?! There's plenty here to make an argument for it being considered a "COULD'VE Been A Cannon". 

By the end, you'll understand why it boasts the tagline: "A pulse-pounding cyber-slam"!

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HE'S A SECRET FREAK! SECRET FREAK! Today the Cannon Bros are talking about a movie that is not a Cannon but could be the most Cannon non Cannon film we have watched. Of course it is Bronson's 1984 flick "THE EVIL THAT MEN DO".  From production history, to confusing plot to the Cannon Bros continuing their realization that Bronson just might have a little more kink than we give him credit for. And a hunger for scenes with food. It has it all! Except Mayonnaise BRONSON DON'T LIKE MAYONNAISE! 

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Bronson "Don't like May(onnaise)" month continues on the Cannon Canon with the one that started it all...DEATH WISH! While not a Cannon, it was ESSENTIAL for us to watch it for context...and because we wanted to. Our Bronson Brother from another "One Mama", Noah Segan, joins us once again! While the other Death Wish movies we've covered have been fun movies, this one is truly a FILM. Marvel at Bronson at some of his finest while Jeff Goldblum kicks off a tradition of future stars playing total scumbags. 

Fill your hand and draw! It's the Cannon Canon, boyo!

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Bronson "Don't like May(onnaise)" month continues on the Cannon Canon with DEATH WISH 4: THE CRACKDOWN! Joining us once again is our Bronson Brother Noah Segan! A little dialed back and introspective than Death Wish 3, but still delightfully Cannon and Bronson! 

Once again, don't be someone Kersey loves! It never ends well! 

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It's May, which means we're kicking off our special "Bronson 'Don't Like May(onnaise)"" month! Bronson all May long! We sail off into this Bronson voyage with 1987's Assassination! With the original title of "My Affair With the President's Wife" combined with a Cannon Bronson film, you know it's gonna be a good time! 

Look, no need to be longwinded here, Bronson LITERALLY delivers the lines, "I don't want to die from a terminal orgasm!" Just watch, listen and thank the Cannon Gods for smiling (or Bronson little smirking) upon us! 

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LEARN TO LOVE THE ROPE! This week on our COULD'VE Been a Cannon series. Well, maybe we don't make a strong case for it being a Cannon film. But, wow, do we love the 1977 William Devane/Tommy Lee Jones classic "Rolling Thunder". I mean it's a revenge movie! Cannon. Our main character gets his hand put into a garbage disposal and gains a razor-sharp hook hand, taking lemons and making revenge lemonade! That could be Cannon. Oh wait...it's pretty close to a perfect movie? Yeah we just love it and it changed our lives and at least one of the Cannon Bros(it's Geoff) got a Rolling Thunder tattoo and taught a sketch comedy class based on the movie. SO OF COURSE WE COVERED IT! And we hope you enjoy this episode just as much as Tommy Lee Jones enjoys just gettin' his gear.

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It's a Cannon Ninja movie with a "Flashdance" meets "The Excorcist" flair! That's right, we're finally covering NINJA III: The Domination. A sequel with little to NO connection to the first two Ninja films (except the excellent Shô Kosugi). Joining us to talk about this batsh*t film is the ultracool and very funny Lucé Tomlin-Brenner (Too Much Productions, It’s Always Halloween, Vidéothèque)! 

Break out the V8 for foreplay, get possessed via your "Bouncer" game cabinet and spin around in a chained-up straightjacket!

When you crank this episode during your Aerobics class, you'll find that "there's nothing out of the ordinary. Aside from your exceptional extrasensory perception and your preoccupation with Japanese culture. No harm in that!" 

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GRAB SOME BUTTERMILK AND HEAD TO THE BEACH, BOY-O! Well it's spring break brah and the Cannon Bros need to take a little bit of a sabbatical. Rest up. Go watch a marathon of "Porky's", "Porky's Revenge", "Hardbodies" and "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise" a thousand times in a row. So enjoy this little minisode as the Cannon Bros prepare for the next burst of Cannon film greatness (not to mention a special appearance by Charles Bronson himself). 

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When you think Aladdin, you DEFINITELY think...Miami, Florida? It's truly a Cannon update on a classic tale! We're talkin' 1986's ALADDIN/SUPERFANTAGENIO! Bruno Corbucci brings you the tale of the great Bud Spencer sleeping his way through a performance as The Genie! And in case you didn't know, he even has a cap to remind you! It's Italian cinema meets Cannon. The kid's name is Al Haddin for crying out loud! And there's a kidnapping/trafficking subplot?! WHAT?! Don't worry though, thankfully there's a water skiing competition and mob thugs being turned into cockroaches and stepped on. Huh. What a movie.

Fly away with us in a Rolls Royce and turn this episode up! 

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"Gosh, you’re so beautiful". It's the Cannon Hercules sequel that SHOULD have been! Just in time for the 33rd anniversary of its US release, we're talkin' 1989's Sinbad of the Seven Seas! We're back in Cozzi/Coates land and baby is it a fun ride. Metal AF imagery,  accredited magicians, cool fights, great creatures, sexy bods, clone fights and LASERS! Ferrigno could have been Cannon's Schwarzenegger, but they fumbled the beefcake.  

“Justice, Happiness, Prosperity and Peace” Wait...weren't there 5?!

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"Feeling a little inadequate?" On this edition of "COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON" the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) talk 1995's comic to screen adaptation TANK GIRL! Picked by Patreon member and honorary Ripper Tony Farina! Frank and Geoff are at odds on this VERY 90's film. Grab a bottle of water siphoned from a human body and crank this like an L7 track! Pa pa pa POW! 

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INSERT SNARKY "FUNNY" LINE HERE! Because we have a lot of them to get through in the 1992 "action" "Comedy" "Celebration of American CIA puppet governments" Cannon classic, "Fifty/Fifty". Open up a pack of Bing Bongs with the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) as they discuss Peter Weller and Robert Hays just trying their best in this mess of a movie. Going through the complicated production history, the complicated politics of this movie, the complicated abundance of "soft jokes" and the real complicatedness of just WANTING to get on board but thinking..."Why is Robert Hays swearing SO MUCH?". Look, it's a complicated movie and if you're unsure, "lick your finger and touch the sucker". And who knows, maybe the coin at the end will move you like no other movie in cinematic history. 

"Frenchie, for a piece of a** you’d start World War III." - Robocop Banzai

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STEAK FRIES ARE DISGUSTING! Even without a finger in them. This is just ONE of the many bold statements made by The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) as they discuss the 1986 HBO/Cannon video creepy as hell classic "The Hitcher"! And they get DEEP into what makes this the most stressful movie...ever? Rutger Hauer's amazing yet super damp performance! C. Thomas Howell's terrible movie choices the same year this came out! Jennifer Jason Leigh's character possibly betting on the wrong horse? Her decision is tearing her apart (literally!). Not to mention Geoff having a classic, "Oh my God. Did like 5 of my lifelong neuroses that led to deep deep therapy come from this movie?!" It's a pretty amazing movie that if you choose to be the type of fan who wants to listen to us talk about it for 2 hours, might feel life-affirming after you watch it? You might want to take a couple of years off before you watch it again. BUT- Life-affirming! But still...bad steak fries are the worst!!!!!

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CANNON. COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON! That's right, it's time for another "COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON"! And today's movie was chosen by our debonair Patreon member of danger and romance, Michael Bagford. The movie? The Irvin Kershner directed James Bond film, NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN! A Bond movie that's not quite a Bond movie because of complicated rights? It's the return (and final performance) of Sean Connery as 007 and while we were skeptical that this COULD'VE been a Cannon, there were plenty of gleeful Cannon-like choices that brought a big ol' Golan & Globus like grin to our faces.

Let's just say THERE'S A FRIGGIN' VIDEO GAME FIGHT!!!

So Never Say Never Again unless you say never again, then you said never once more, but maybe you can avoid saying it again, but then you'll have to remember...Never Say Never...Again. 

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GONNA SET THE NIGHT ON FIRE!!! LAMBADA! Yep, that's right. Today the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are dipping our toes in the double shot of 1990's "LAMBADA!" Our second movie in the row about the Lambada. Does it feel like we've said the word Lambada a lot? Well, so will you when you're singing the soundtrack to yourself weeks after you listen. Because even though there's surprisingly not a lot of Lambada dancing in this movie, they do sing about it a lot, while delivering a movie that is closer to a Stand and Deliver through the lens of Breakin'? Look, this may have been the movie that helped signal the true end of love between our beloved Golan and Globus, but you just might enjoy Melora Hardin from The Office trying to seduce her teacher while he tries to teach a bunch of young dancers how to program an Apple IIGS to...again...dance but not dance the Lambada? Confused?! That's "Lambada"! 

So, people, do us a favor...

GET OUT!.......and make somethin' of your life. 

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THIS PODCAST IS DEDICATED TO THE PRESERVATION OF THE RAINFOREST! LAMBADA! Well the Cannon Boys are back in town and Frank and Geoff are showing off their thongs and solving all of the world's problems by watching the 1990 Lambada classic "The Forbidden Dance". That's right, we're going to finally dance into the two competing Lambada movies which signaled the true end of Golan and Globus. Which one is this one? Well...Is it the one with the song by Keoma we all know? Check. Does it try to solve 4-5 social issues through the Lambada? Double-check. Was it written in ten days and feel like it was shot in even less time? You better believe it! Not to mention, Laura Herring earns the coveted, easy to earn title of "definitely more erotic than Bolero". So get your dancing shoes on and get ready to decide which Lambada movie is better! The fate of the world depends on it!

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YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK AND BAKE! But you should listen to our latest episode. Cannon Bro Geoff is left alone in Cannon HQ so he called in a special guest co-host, John Murray, to talk about the 1986 Arnold Schwarzenegger classic "RAW DEAL". Now it might just be an HBO/Cannon video distribution title, but it is truly PURE CANNON! The constant tone shifts, the cribbing from Arnold's other movies, the sets that look like they shoved a casino into a high school auditorium. And the budget possibly blown completely on the Rolling Stones "Satsifaction". It's a wild ride of a needlessly complicated plot. Sure they mostly make Arnold do all of the things he is not known for, but when he finally gets to be the Arnold we love it's fun as hell. So put on your boxy leather jacket, slick back your hair and don't bother explaining your accent because THIS IS RAW DEAL!

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GRAB A SLICE AND A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND CATCH A FLICK! WITH US!!! THE CANNON BROS(Geoff and Frank). We are releasing from behind the paywall of our Patreon, our full commentary episode on the 1986 Cannon/Stallone classic "Cobra". If it is your favorite Cannon or just in your top 5, you gotta listen. These episodes are very fun to do, you can watch along or just listen to us snort and chuckle with each other. And if you enjoy then check out our Patreon for more exclusive to the Patreon commentary episodes. Until then! Go get a gummy bear and a giant hamburger and settle in! THANK YOU ALL FOR LISTENING!

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GET TO THE CHOPPA!!!! Is for some reason the line we have all held onto vs the literally HUNDREDS of fantastic one-liners in the 1987 stone-cold classic "PREDATOR"! Look The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) basically admit it...this one was for us. It might as well be called "CANT'VE Been a Cannon" because it is just TOO damn good. But it's been a hell of a year and we needed to treat ourselves. Do yourself the favor and listen to this episode. We go through it all. From Arnold being an equal opportunity screen hog to Jesse "The Body" stealing the show. 

Also, sci-fi and action's appropriate balance, the made-up IP that is the Predator lore. And all the "wait that's Shane Black?" in between. Plus, the whole thing is accompanied by a soundtrack that will dig in your ear like an Alabama tick. This movie is pure fun and so is this episode. 

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THAT THING IS GOING TO WORK! I GUARANTEE YOU THIS! Well...it's a promise maybe unfulfilled in the 1984 "Classic" "Erotic" "Film" "BOLERO" starring Bo Derek. And this week the Cannon Bros are joined by our wonderful guest, Kelly Hudson ( What Are You Into? podcast, Tond ) to figure out the answers to all of our burning questions. Is this movie erotic? Is Milk and Honey belly licking sexy?  What is the point of soft-core porn? Why is Bo Derek acting like that? Is that supposed to be a joke? And that? AND THAT? All while dealing with piles and piles of questionable production choices that will remind you...this is truly a Cannon. By the end, you'll be riding around butt naked on a horse just wishing George Kennedy was there to creep you out. BOLERO!!!

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WE SHALL BE THE DEVIL ON YOUR BACK! The Cannon Bros and Donald Pleasance, of course. We're talkin' 1989's Michael Dudikoff (almost Robert McGinty and Christopher Walken) mish-mash of a movie "River Of Death"! This movie has more stars and more plot/tone shifts than you can shake a stick at. It's every movie all at once. It has "jokes". It has a horny Donald Pleasance. It has a plot right out of "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" (but with Nazis). It has an insanely sleepy voice-over that would make Harrison Ford's Blade Runner voice-over seem like the life of the party. And most importantly...it has lots of ads for our newest sponsor (in spirit, not actual money) BLUE CHEW! And you will need a lot of it to get through that long long Cabaret scene. So come aboard for a ride down the RIVER OF DEATH!

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THIS MOVIE IS PURE COCAINE! That's right. We are in our "COULD'VE Been A Cannon" Series and still trying to come down from the high that is 1990's "PREDATOR 2". The movie that said "it's a franchise now and yes we planned out this mythology, DON'T QUESTION US!!!" Is it wilder that we haven't covered "Predator" yet OR how "Predator 2" was the right first choice because it is SO Cannon. Thank you Patreon member Peter Jacobson for picking this pure cocaine party put to film for us to watch. It's a fun ride (like Danny Glover hanging from the side of a car shooting cartoonish gang members). 

We ask important questions like...How do the Yautja and Danny Glover know references to the first movie? Why is everyone screaming as they throw bullets nonstop?! Where's the full Busey cut CUT?! And could that trophy case use more skulls of familiar aliens? We think an ALF or E.T. skull would look great next to that Xenomorph skull.

Warning: Do NOT have a cold brew before you watch because you'll wonder if it's the caffeine or the franticness of this movie that's giving you a heart attack (like Geoff did). 

Put on your annoying heat vision way too many times and enjoy this episode! 

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"I. am. Eeeeeviiiiillll!" Happy New Year! Crank up Shadow and join Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) as we do commentary (or watch along, whatever you want to call it, nerds) to our favorite underrated Cannon horror gem, NEW YEAR'S EVIL!

Hope your 2022 is more of an "American Ninja 2" than a "Pirates"! Enjoy, Cannon Canon heads!

And remember...."All that don't mean doodly-dee squat. When a girl doesn't have a date on New Year's, she's in sh*t city."

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Ninjas, Gods, Aliens, Female Special Ops Groups, Living and Undead Rock Stars & Cops, Dystopian Futures, Italians, Rocket Truck Texas Rangers and Vigilantes Galore! 2021 was quite the year for The Cannon Canon! In this episode, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) pick their 5 favorite Cannon films covered on The Cannon Canon this past year. And for good measure, we throw in a couple of favorite "COULD'VE Been a Cannon" flicks and two movies that almost made the "Pirates" stink pile. Let us know your favorite films The Cannon Canon covered this year, boyo!

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"Don't let me die alone!!!" Picked by our Patreon members, the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) dip our toes back in the scuzzy waters of Michael Winner with 1983's THE WICKED LADY! A movie the Cannon Bros are very conflicted about (but passes the "Pluto TV" test).

In this episode, we talk about how much the "Razzies" suck, how the movie benefits from Faye Dunaway's gloriously unhinged and elated performance and of course- Cannon obligatory sex scenes.

We also ask, could this be a camp classic? Would you buy a “Winner Winner, Bronson dinner!” shirt? Do we write an episode of Charles Rocket-era SNL with Michael Winner or Charles Bronson hosting? And THAT’S Commander Troi?!

What else...what else…oh yeah...WHIP FIGHT!!!

It's a 2 for 1 podcast because within this episode of The Cannon Canon you also get our "Talkin’ Genesis" podcast. 

Steal your cousin's lover (twice), slowly poison a man of god* and enjoy this episode! 

(*reference to the movie DO NOT actually do this)

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ONLY A NINJA CAN STOP A NINJA! That's right, we're talkin' about the 1983 Shô Kosugi Cannon essential REVENGE OF THE NINJA! And joining us is a ninja in his own right, Brian Wecht (Ninja Sex Party, Leighton Night, and Go Banana Go!)! 

We gush about the amazing Shô and the introduction of his stylish and kickass son Kane, Firstenberg’s brilliance, tennis court deathmatches, and of course... Fringe.

We also talk about how the soundtrack rips, No Pants Karate, local UHF channels, rent-to-own prices, Brian's sensitivity as a child that caused him to miss a portion of The Great Muppet Caper and somehow we stumble upon Krippendorf's Tribe?

Revenge of the Ninja is a movie sure to have you saying, "That's my bag of apples!"

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NOW I HAVE A MACHINE GUN! HO....HO.....HO....and Jingle All the Way. Cannon Bro Geoff has gone rogue this week and decided to have a roundtable discussion about HOLIDAY ACTION MOVIES! Geoff is joined by good friend and fellow movie addict JOHN MURRAY(30 Rock, The Bosscast, John and Geoff Are Married) and we go deep. That's right....we gotta talk about the movies we want to watch this season when we don't want to ever watch "It's A Wonderful Life.  We are talking Lethal Weapon, Invasion USA, Cobra, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Long Kiss Goodnight, Reindeer Games, Jingle All The Way, Lethal Weapon, The Nice Guys, Let It Ride, Moon Over Parador, The Christmas Chronicles, Lethal Weapon the TV show, Lethal Weapon and Shane Black's jokes in Predator. We go deep on both the movies and if Shane Black picked the ultimate theme of the redemption of the holidays? It's a fun one to get you ready for the season. Make a list, check it twice and see if these movies are streaming on Pluto TV

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS! This is a very special episode of The Cannon Canon. A full commentary/watchalong episode of us watching "American Ninja". Are you feeling sick of your family and want to watch a movie with someone but don't want to talk and just have us yell jokes and praise at you while we all marvel at how great Michael Dudikoff and Steve James are together? Then this is the perfect treat for you. Hell it even works without watching the movie (but don't worry we tell you when to press play). 

We have more of these commentary episodes on our Patreon but we let this one out into the free world. So relax, sit back, take out your nun-chucks and leave the joking to us: The Cannon Bros. 

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Pop a Pearl beer, get in your rocket truck and dump it on your head because we have a good one for you. This might be a COULD'VE Been A Cannon but the 1983 Chuck Norris vehicle "Lone Wolf McQuade" MIGHT be the most Cannon film we have ever watched. And it was picked by one of our amazing Patreon members so even better. If you are like the Cannon Bros, this "modern take on a spaghetti western" might feel like you have seen it 100 times already even if this is your first rodeo. Possibly because it might as well be "Walker: Texas Ranger" but also because it has all of the touchstones of a classic Molasses 2x4 aka Chuck Norris film. Karate matches with David Carradine? Check. Rampant alcoholism everyone sees as kind of charming? Check. 100 shots of his steel eye stare showing no emotion? Check. A rocket booster truck that gets buried underground and is able to burst out of the earth like a cheap Texas beer fueled Shai Hulud? Well...maybe that is just in this movie but also, Check! It is a true blast of a movie and maybe, just maybe, you will understand what the hell a Texas Ranger is after it is done. 

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We’re still ridin' in the loophole of another HBO/Cannon Home Video European VHS release with the Ridley Scott Adventure Fantasy "LEGEND"! And joining us is the velvet voice of Ryan Patterson (Coliseum, Fotocrime, Cat Magic Punks, Shirt Killer ), who lives in the middle of high art and low art and is right at home on The Cannon Canon. "Legend" is formative and a favorite for Frank, but does Geoff feel the same?

We ask, is this the best cinematic devil? Do you prefer the Tangerine Dream or Jerry Goldsmith score (or William Goldsmith as Frank erroneously calls him)? Is this movie trying to gaslight us into thinking it was all Lili's fault?! Ridley or Tony Scott? SHOULD we do a Valentine's Day "Phantom Tingles" Special?!

All that plus, we imagine a world where Jim Carrey talks out of his ass to Darkness, the "Gothic" VHS cover haunts us again and we ALL just want to be Bryan Ferry walking up invisible steps to open a door to a shredding David Gilmour.

See you at Legend-con!

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OK. STAY WITH US...We found a lil’ loophole and TECHNICALLY this movie's home release was distributed by HBO/Cannon video (in Europe). We know we’re stretching the rules here, but do you REALLY care? Hey, it’s a quirky choice, much like THIS movie, 1984’s The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension!

We discuss the magic of getting something insane greenlit and how it's impossible for this movie not to charm the hell out of anyone who has ever written big ideas. We also talk about how this film features every character actor ever, how everyone's HORNY for Buckaroo Banzai, watermelon placements to test the studio, and the Billy Joel secret connection. We also ponder the question, COULD this get made today? Probably not, but even in our phlegmy, getting over a cold, fever-dream state, we enjoy talking about this cult classic. 

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EVIL DIES TONIGHT! Here's a lil' treat this Halloween from the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff)! Fitting into our COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON category, we talk about HALLOWEEN KILLS. It's the latest installment in our favorite horror franchise and we have a LOT to say. 

We talk about how it compares to Halloween (2018), which we enjoyed and how when reading online criticisms to consider people's taste resume before investing in their take. Also, will we veer into Cult of Thorn or Conal Cochran territory with Halloween Ends?! 

Get your muddy political message mob together and make sure you let everyone know "40 YEARS AGO..." and "EVIL DIES TONIGHT!" cuz the Cannon Bros are staring into the sister's bedroom window that is this movie!

Did we mention "EVIL DIES TONIGHT"?! 

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We wrap up ARGENTOBER and this edition of our HARD PIVOT with 1975's DEEP RED! Yes, technically we covered this first since we recorded and released it on our Patreon a month ago BUT it's no more confusing than some of the "plots" in Argento's films! No matter what, Deep Red aka Profondo Rosso aka The Hatchet Murders has it ALL for Argento fans. Amazing Goblin soundtrack? Check! Some sort of artist who just happened to notice something the dumb cops didn't see? Of course. Progressive and regressive politics all at the same time? You better believe it! And a killer puppet doll thrown in because Argento had a dream about it and everyone else involved in the movie thought it was a bad idea. YES YES YES! "Deep Red" is truly one of the greats by one of the greats of all time, and is a great way to cap off ARGENTOBER!!!! (But trust us we will most likely get to every other Argento movie soon anyways. Because you don't need a spooky season for the GOAT!)

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We're almost through ARGENTOBER (and this edition of HARD PIVOT) and today we're discussing the 1971 Giallo (and possibly dark comedy?) FOUR FLIES ON GREY VELVET! A movie whose rights are so complex you can only watch it on Plex. Not to mention it goes in and out of English dub to Italian in the last 10 minutes. Whatever, still watchable! We discuss the shoehorned title into the reveal of the movie, grown men yelling "I don’t want a bath!" and how Fran Lebowitz claims she’s never seen a worse movie (c'mon, Fran!). We also ponder if the Coen Bros were inspired by Argento, is our protagonist like Phil Collins? and subconsciously is this movie a HUGE influence on Geoff’s sense of humor? 

Once again...ARGENTO HATES CATS (and small dogs)!!! Gather your prog jam band together, kill a mosquito with your hi-hat and put on that Jim Adkins lookn' mask cuz we're talkin' 4Flies, babyyyyyyy!

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We're halfway through ARGENTOBER! And today we're talkin' about Argento's wildly impressive debut film, The Bird with the Crystal Plumage. We HIGHLY recommend you watch this movie before listening (we hope you do this with every movie we cover). The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) veer into "film theory", the protagonist's wild lack of awareness of JUST how good his life is and even Dudley Moore makes a cameo. Geoff also shamefully spills his guts about his dirty little 900 number addiction as a sick, depraved and perverted young man while Frank was calling a Heathcliff hotline. 

And once again...Dario Argento HATES CATS! 

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"ROSE! I CAN'T HEAR YOU. ARE YOU THERE?" ARGENTOBER continues as we talk about the 1980 Suspiria follow-up INFERNO! Joining us is our own favorite little witch, DAVID BLUVBAND (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, The Chris Gethard Show). Will Bluvband and the Cannon bros start a "3 Brothers Talking About the 3 Mothers" spin-off podcast?! Don't hold your breath (unless you can hold your breath as long as Rose underwater). But they do go deep on the confusing plot...and all the poor cats. And if the Billy Drago lookalike that gets murdered is even related to the three mothers...and those poor cats. And all of the fun happenstance, amazing Keith Emerson soundtrack and murder murder murder in between...but my god THOSE POOR CATS! Dario Argento really hates cats? So give it a listen and decide for yourself: Did Dario really mean for this to be a trilogy or did we get Cornetto'd. 

[Due to audio issues, we had to use our Zoom backup for audio. Apologies audio is not up to our usual crispy clean sound!]

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The Cannon Canon presents our first HARD PIVOT! For the month of October, we'll be covering the films of Dario Argento. We're calling it, ARGENTOBER! And kicking off "Argentober" is the 1977 horror classic SUSPIRIA. That's right, we are starting with the gold standard of Argento. We swear it is not a gush fest (but it's not that far off). From the mindblowing soundtrack of Goblin, to the unbelievable set design, to the trademark Argento NCS (Needlessly Complicated Shot), we go through how much we love this movie. But also talking about how the plot almost doesn't make any sense and how for a world-class ballet school they seem to not really do much dancing. 

But seriously, watch Lords of Synth.

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HEY, YOU'RE HURT! LADY I'M F-ING DEAD! Yep, you got that right. Today, The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are doing a COULD'VE Been A Cannon on the 1988 Treat Williams/Joe Piscopo horror/comedy/cop movie vehicle "DEAD HEAT" (from Cannon kissin' cousin New World Pictures). Also known as "Young Geoff's most rented movie". Find out with the Cannon Bros how this movie psychologically scarred us both as children and now. Was it from the horrific, crazier than an Italian gore film practical effects from the great Steve Johnson? Was it from the existential questions that this movie poses and does not answer? Or was it simply from the amount of Joe Piscopo being Joe Piscopo you have to deal with? No matter what, The Cannon Bros cover it all while doing piles and piles of Joe Piscopo/Frank Sinatra impressions and "Uzi Doozies". And keep your eyes peeled for what special effects were clearly leftovers from "Big Trouble In Little China". Plot be damned, you are gonna like the way you look...in Piscopo's shoulder-padded leather jacket! 

"Whatsitgonnatake?" 

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CHECK THEM NECKS AND TALK TO YOUR KRANG BRAIN! Because today we are back in Toby Territory, talking about Toby "Cream Jeans" Hooper's 1986 remake "Invaders From Mars". Joining us is special guest Lucas Hazlett (TBS' Wrecked, Lifetime's American Princess)! This movie is a cavalcade of amazing actors, amazing behind the scenes, and amazing how it just...isn't...that amazing? HEAR US OUT! We go through it all, from the alien's Pink Floyd laser light show, to the alien's terrible skills at hiding their plans, to the alien's ship designs...kind of looking like low rent "Alien". Are those tic-tacs he's pouring into that coffee? Is this an "Edge of Tomorrow" scenario? Did Karen Black accidentally say an actress' real name? Did Mrs. McKeltch own that creepy taxidermy van BEFORE the invasion?! Also, Frank completely botches his easter egg trivia and cites "Starcrash" instead of the original "Invaders From Mars" (they look like the same head!). And we try to answer the ultimate question: Does Cream Jeans just have a little brother complex with Spielberg? 

Never forget...“Marines have no qualms about killing Martians!”

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MEET US HALFWAY...and think about joining our Patreon! Yep, the Cannon Bros are on a little bit of a Cannon respite but we haven't stopped the Cannon train rolling. Today we are giving you a taste of a Patreon exclusive episode we have up now. We did commentary for all of Sylvester Stallone's "Over The Top". It's a fun one for a great movie, so take a sample of us breaking down what a bad dad Lincoln Hawk is...and what a bad Grandpa Jason Cutler is...and what a bad son Michael is. OK, so everyone but the Mom sucks. Bunch of lil shits all arm-wrestling and driving trucks. It's a fun ride so join on in!

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I LIKE THE PAIN...AGAIN! Well, let's try something a little different. Thought about joining The Cannon Canon Patreon but haven't yet? Perhaps now is the time. On today's episode, we are giving you a little taste, a little sampler, a little bit of a full commentary episode we recorded for the 1989 JCVD Cannon Classic "CYBORG". The full episode is only on the Patreon feed. So, try it on, see how it fits and if you like the way you look in us yelling about how much we like the pain, then think about joining the Patreon. It's more fun than trying to hold on to barbed wire that keeps the ones you love from dropping to their death in a wishing well!

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"Too much linguini!" Yep, you should know by that iconic joke that this week we are covering (in a Patreon member picked COULD'VE Been a Cannon) the 1989 Tri-Star classic "BLIND FURY". It stars Rutger Hauer as a comedic blind swordsman in the vein of Zatoichi. If Zatoichi was in Reno, Nevada and was up against one of the most ineffectual big bads ever and was accompanied by an unbelievably annoying kid from the TV show Step By Step. Yeah...that Blind Fury. Don't worry. This movie is never going to let you forget that Rutger is both blind and kind of creepy when he is playing against type as he slices off arms left and right protecting his good friend Terry "Terrance" O'Quinn. It's a romp full of fun set pieces, strange jokes and an AMAZING guest appearance from Cannon's own Sho Kosugi! Wow. In retrospect, this movie might actually have it all!

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Took us long enough but the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are finally covering the 1989 JCVD essential KICKBOXER! The movie The Cannon Canon has NO qualms about saying is definitely better than Rain Man. Join us as we break down why training montages are SO damn satisfying, Cronenberg strip joints, still remembering the ice despite knowing your brother is about to get destroyed, JCVD "dancing" memes and what up with that hawk?!

Plus, pan flute score galore (and a real flute with fake flute sound), The Van Damme Bunz Appreciation Society (even Sir Mixalot gotta give it up), and the unneeded and unnecessary plot move and tonal shift of a single scene (the rest is perfect). 

You'll come away wondering....Do YOU have the heart of a hero?

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"YEAH! IT'S GOOD!" Things get uncharacteristically serious for the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) because we're covering 1988's Platoon Leader! The Vietnam action drama directed by Molasses 2x4's bother, Aaron Norris and starring Cannon darling Michael Dudikoff. A movie we could only watch for free with ads or on YouTube via some account titled War TV. And according to the YouTube comments, this one is a mixed bag of accuracies and Hollywood BS! It's a movie less with a plot and more of a vignette of scenes that presents like that play from Rushmore. It's a smattering of word salad quotes, rushed character arcs and Duduikoff does some heavy lifting with his acting. We talk about Hollywood’s boner with Vietnam, the logistics of war injuries and the movie's biggest star turn...the snake! You'll wonder, "what was Greaser’s deal again?" And Eugene Levy shows up during our Woodstock '94 talk?! One thing's for sure...we should've never been there. 

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OH GOD! OH MAN OH GOD! OH MAN! OH...baby. Have we got a wild one today. The Cannon Bros (Geoff and Frank) are tackling the 1987 Norman Mailer "Comedy" Crime Drama, Tough Guys Don't Dance. Joining us is the author of The Cannon Film Guide Vol 1, 1980-1984 and the upcoming The Cannon Film Guide Vol 2, 1985-1988, Austin Trunick! That's right a POWERHOUSE of Cannon films knowledge. But will we be able to tell you what is going on in this movie? Probably not. Will we be able to explain if this is a powerful parody of the genre or Norman Mailer crapped this movie and book out in a haze of cocaine? Unclear. And why is everyone spitting out their unwieldy dialogue like they are doing a high school production of a Tennessee Williams play in the middle of Rhode Island? Well, we definitely don't get that, but we have a lot of fun trying to figure it out and so will you! So, sit back, relax, grab a head in a bag or three? And start figuring out if Tough Guys really Don't Dance? Maybe?

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HE'S A SUPER SNOOPER! REALLY SUPER TROOPER! OH BOY! If you know what those lyrics are, then you know what you're in for. And if not? Prepare yourself for the 1980 Sergio Corbucci Italian Comedy, Poliziotteschi, in its own wonderful category..."SUPERFUZZ"! (or Super Snooper or Poliziotto superpiù). Whatever you call it- it's amazing. It isn't Cannon but it definitely COULD'VE Been a Cannon! And this ultra-special movie was picked by our amazing Patreon member Chris Norris aka Steak Mtn. A man almost as wonderful as this movie. We almost don't want to even explain it because, well...it just wouldn't make any sense. All you need to know going in is that low-rent Franco Nero, Terrence Hill, is a super-powered cop with infinite abilities? Sure. You will be as confused as Borgnine, but enjoy the ride and we GUARANTEE the theme song will be stuck in your head for the rest of your life. AND THAT IS A GOOD THING! Eat a mountain of beans and avoid the color red, it's SUPERFUZZ! 

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MMMMM THAT MANTRA FELT GOOD! And you will feel good listening to the Cannon Bros talk about 1990's "Rockula" with special guest Matt Rubano (Taking Back Sunday, Angels and Airwaves). The movie you can watch and script yourself all at the same time. Tony Basil has some bathtime fun with Tony Cox (Yes, that Tony Basil). Thomas Dolby's fake commercials give the movie a much-needed comedic bump (Yes, that Thomas Dolby). And Bo Diddley will bum you out with how low he will go for a paycheck (my god, yes...that Bo Diddley). And in between, Geoff's Wax Trax radar goes off. Matt tells us how he really feels about musical comedy. Everyone gets disgusted by "bat dork" and Frank gives some tough love to Geoff about finishing that Rockula 2 script that Michael Fassbender will one day win an Oscar for. And...*sigh* Rapula. 

Do like Matt and "yield to Rockula"!

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SLEEP TIGHT SUCKER! Because the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are back and they are watching the 1986 Cannon Classic The Delta Force. Oh baby, it's Chuck Norris, Lee Marvin and a cavalcade of stars from disaster movie past to do Cannon's own version of a disaster movie. What happens when you combine a very politically complicated "Based on a true story" terrorist situation with Chuck Norris on a missile launching motorcycle? Well, you're left with a movie you think is going to be a kick-ass action film that...kind of just makes you wait. And wait...and wonder if they are handling this all correctly but then..you wait. And then OH IT'S THE GREATEST THEME EVER AND NORRIS IS KICKING PEOPLE AND FARTING OUT MISSILES SO WHO CARES! But don't worry...it is a Norris movie so we definitely get into a PTSD "is this all in his head" theory. Would you expect anything else from the Cannon Bros or DELTA FORCE?!

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"I'M NO MORE MR. VIGILANTE!" Yeah right Bronson because the proof is in the pudding and the pudding is 1985's Death Wish 3! Bronson is back as well as our first return guest, Noah Segan(Knives Out and our episode on Death Wish II)! And we are going through all the beauty that is Kersey's return to NY and murder. It's nothing but buttermilk, potrosts and Home Alone style traps killing creeps for stealing pocketbooks. Everything you could ever want out of a Death Wish times 1000 and mixed in with a great conversation about old Hollywood with Noah. So start rubbing two dollars together for some ice cream and some vengeance Bronson style!

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"HIS SAVAGERY HAS BEEN CANCELLED!" And maybe this movie should have been as well. Because if you look to the stars you can see the constellations for the most disappointing sequels and shining bright amongst those constellations is 1985's The Adventures of Hercules! And the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are dealing with this boner killer of a sequel BIG TIME. The Cannon Bros end up feeling almost as duped as Lou Ferrigno finding out he filmed a Hercules sequel without his knowledge. You will be amazed at how one movie could reuse so much footage from the previous film and still have it be confusing as hell. The future belongs to chaos..and science and a Pink Floyd laser light experience King Kong vs Dinosaur fight? Throw on your mermaid pasties and settle in for this "adventure". 

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WE ARE GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE BLOOD BANK! Because on today's COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON episode, the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are talking about the 1988 Steven Seagal debut "ABOVE THE LAW" aka "Nico". Half of his family are cops, half are in the mob and Seagal is 100% your dad's wet dream in this movie. We go through it all. From Seagal's maybe realistic but mostly odd fighting style; to his odd screen presence that gives our beloved Molasses 2x4 a run for his money to the odd fact that...he's lying right?! Seagal is lying about everything that happened in his life that went into this complicated plot. The Cannon Bros try to piece together if he is Frank Dux redux as we wade through the pretty fun one-liners and figure out: Would Nico do anything for his family? Really.

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PLEASE DON'T INTERRUPT US WHILE WE SOLILOQUIZE! Because we got some classic horror actors in the house and a lot of things to say about them. The Cannon Bros take on 1984's elderly horror icon supergroup nod to Hammer Horror films House of the Long Shadows! And joining us from Left Handed Radio is Adam Bozarth and Anna Rubanova. And we all have matching Vincent Price impressions, don't you worry. Not to mention a handful of Dezi Arnaz Jr impressions to break down what are these long shadows that are falling on these elderly men's long faces? Not to mention the many, many confusing questions about what exactly is happening in this house and what is reality and what ISN'T (Vincent Price voice). And most importantly we try to answer...which member of the Traveling Wilburys are each of the Hammer Horror stars? Don't go betting 20k with your publisher that you can finish a book better than Wuthering Heights in 24 hours. Just listen to this episode! 

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LET US SEE YOU STRIPPED DOWN TO THE BONE! It's Bret Easton Ellis meets Avenging Force? The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) break down the 1986 “teen” action, crime, thriller Dangerously Close! Directed by a Pre-Cyborg Albert Pyun! 

This movie is a true Cannon Canon 50/50. You will get whiplash every scene thinking "wow what a beautiful shot...that leads into a confusing plot". Almost as confusing as it's politics. This Reagan Youth Goes Avenging Force will leave you saying, "They got 2 Depeche Mode songs on this soundtrack?!" And then be blown away every scene in Cannon's answer to Deadwood by asking yourself, "Wait...what do I know that actor from? And what do I know THAT actor from?!" So many questions and one huge fish in a tiny fishbowl. By the end, you’ll want to finance our Cannon+ pitch for the Amazon MGM acquisition!

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The Cannon Bros are taking a quick vacay. Summer is in the air and we can't stay inside just watching Cannon films. Instead we are watching them somewhere else besides our houses. But instead of taking a week off, The Cannon Bros are answering listeners questions submitted from the Patreon. And go on a few tangents pretty much immediately. And set themesleves up for a BIG project. You don't want to miss every action packed minute. 

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MARJOE IS BACK! This month's "COULD'VE Been a Cannon" starts off with a bang...because we have a special guest! That's right the first COULD'VE with someone besides the Cannon Bros. Special guest Connor Ratliff (Dead Eyes podcast, The George Lucas Talk Show, Search Party, Marvelous Mrs. Maisel) is here to break down the 1978 Luigi Cozzi Star Wars rip off "STARCRASH". A pastiche of space action, possible Heavy Metal like robot love connections, signature Italian film ADR and oh yeah...David Hasselhoff is in this...sort of. But the BIG question of this film is... Do you love Elle as much as we all do? It's all here in STARCRASH! 

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The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) are all goofed up from our 2nd vax and boy does it help because we're talking about 1986's Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold! Richard Chamberlin's charm does some heavy lifting, James Earl Jones earns a paid vacation, Cassandra Peterson’s talents WASTED, a High Priest with Will Ferrell-like delivery, "Ghoulie" Worms and...*sigh*...the film ruining racist caricature known as Swarma. 

It's a movie that really delivers the message...a gun is a solution to any predicament! 

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It's Porkys meets Death Wish? One thing's for sure, this one comes with a big trigger warning! The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) are covering 1983's Young Warriors aka The Graduates of Malibu High . And joining them is the incredible Marcy Jarreau (Brooklyn 99, 90 Day Bae, A Funny Feeling). In this episode we'll cover Frat Boy Vigilantism, another gratuitous and unnecessary assault scene, the possible miscasting of Ernest Borgnine, Richard Roundtree is just...there, is our protagonist the fastest animator alive? Plus, the practicality of mesh underwear. By the end, the only thing that's clear is that the best part of this movie "Professor Party the Dog"!

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The Cannon Bros are back covering their favorite Cannon property American Ninja with 1989's American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt! The movie that feels like a non-threatening but not very exciting stepmom. We'll explore the great mysteries of this movie like...Is David Bradley Molasses 2x4 squared? Is ninja magic still a thing in this? Did sarcastic adults do the ADR for the kids in this movie? Did The Cobra Marjoe install a dictator with the money they took from ONE martial arts tournament? WHAT exactly is the plan for their virus and what does it have to do with the best martial arts fighter? But the biggest question is...Why the f#@% isn't Steve James THE American Ninja in this?! Is the American Ninja shine starting to lose its luster?! Steve James does some heavy lifting to keep the American Ninja franchise alive in our hearts. All this, plus Banks vs Ferarri in teenage Frank and Geoff's bedrooms. You'll be shouting once again, "He is a ninja!"

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WARNING: HARDLY ANY ACTUAL STREET FIGHTING IN THIS MOVIE! In our latest entry into "COULD'VE Been a Cannon" history, the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are covering the 1994 Jean Claude Van Damme/Raul Julia film adaption of "Street Fighter". Although really it's Street Fighter II...or SFII Alpha...or the billion variations. No matter what, there is a surprising lack of street fighting in this movie. But what they lack in the street, they make up for in needlessly confusing storylines, jammed in characters you thought you knew and the most hideous makeup this side of the Garbage Pail Kids movie. Enjoy the biggest fight in this movie: the ultimate charm of JCVD vs his total lack of caring about being in this movie. At least Raul Julia makes up for it by putting in a fantastic, quotable performance for his last role. Unfortunately, it is in...STREET FIGHTER!

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HE CAN KICKASS ROCK AND ROLL AND YOU KNOW IT! And we ain't talking about the Cannon Bros. We are of course talking about Magic (or Live Magic?) in the 1985 "music drama" Thunder Alley. And joining us is a man SO GOOD he drives us to do drugs and live on the edge. That rockstar? John Flynn (Two Old Queens Podcast)! Take a trip to the rock capital of the world...Tucscon, Arizona? And watch the crazy rock stylings of...Leif Garrett? And ask yourself "wait..is the best song this band has written by...Toto?" We will get into all of the epic hero's quest of this young upstart rock band and all their trials and tribulations to get to our favorite festival...The Rainbow Festival? Yep, there are a lot of questions in this one. Including...is this surprisingly one of the better representations of being on the road in a movie? Listen and decide for yourself! 

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That’s a lot to expect from Las Vegas Showgirls! The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) have traversed the simplest of obstacle courses to watch the 1986 "action" "sex-comedy" HELL SQUAD! And joining them as their demolitions expert is Jeremy Bolm (Touché Amoré , The First Ever Podcast)! On this one, we ask the hard-hitting questions like: Would Tarantino hate us and this podcast? How much driving in the desert can one person take? How can one movie make a tub of naked women unsexy? Was Scooby-Doo this film's biggest influence for the final act? The questions NEVER STOP with HELL SQUAD!

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I don't know what Mars is and I was never there! The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) are back covering the 1980 (or '82?) Italian low-budget sort-of "Alien" rip-off "Contamination". This time we're joined by the incredible James III (Netflix's Astronomy Club, All That, Black Men Can't Jump in Hollywood podcast)! In this episode: Geoff spins around in his Italian cinema wheelhouse, spoiling your end scene monster in the opening credits, the logistics of cyclops space eggs, Goblin phoning it in and the Italian love language of the slap! Fire up the flamethrowers and turn some knobs on a cheap giant future computer prop and give it a listen! Warning: May cause random chest combustions.

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It's been a year since the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) made their debut! And now, 40 Cannon movies later, they're more broken than ever, boyo! So join the Bros as they look back on the year to end all years. They reflect, relax and tear their hair out as they rank all of the 40 movies they watched from best to worst. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! Well actually two number ones because Frank and Geoff have different number ones. And it certainly ain't "Pirates"!  

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HEY KILLIAN!!!!! We are doing it! The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are going down the COULD'VE Been a Cannon rabbit hole with the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger dystopian game show classic "THE RUNNING MAN". Don't be a plain Zero and go through all the madness with The Cannon Canon. From one-liners layered upon confusing one-liners, to being blown away by Jesse "The Body" Ventura's acting, to being blown away by what exactly Captain Freedom's suit does. You'll also be wondering if you would be able to remember the codes to take down the system and "Why is Mick Fleetwood and Dweezil Zappa in this again?" This movie is a cavalcade of wonder and the Cannon Bros are on the ride the whole time. By the end, you will be saying the catchphrase we wish we had said in the episode: "I'll Be Bachman".

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It's not exactly Hard Rock and it's not exactly Zombies but it's definitely weird. That's right, today The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) discuss the 1985 comedy horror rock flick Hard Rock Zombies! So pull out your poorly digitized YouTube links because this is a deep cut that is fun as hell. Is the plot confusing? You betcha. Is the movie every genre all at once putting the kitchen sink approach to shame? You better believe it! Does Hitler show up? Of course he does. Why wouldn't he in a movie called Hard Rock Zombies?! It's a wild ride and the songs ain't half bad either. So get out your resurrection books and try to figure out where you think you have heard these samples from (FYI it's an Agoraphobic Nosebleed song). Your skull will be slurping up your own flesh after listening to this episode! 

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Today on The Cannon Canon, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) watch a problematic Charles Bronson film. Doesn't narrow it down? You're right. Anyway, it's the 1989 Action-Thriller "KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS"! And joining the Cannon Bros for this episode is Jayson Green (Jayson Green & The Jerk, Orchid, Panthers and 24 Hour Video podcast). In this flick, Bronson sodomizes a crime suspect, Bronson gets racist, Bronson makes a man swallow his watch and burns his car, Bronson murders and then jokes around about it. You know...hero stuff! But don't worry, Bronson definitely spends a surprising amount of time talking about pot roast and almost falling down when he tries to kick anyone. Like we said, Classic Bronson!

An episode so good you won't think it's "BABY DOODOO!"

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Interesting. MOST interesting! Is definitley what you will yell as you listen to the Cannon Bros(Frank and Geoff) discuss the 1987 Oliver Reed fantasy film "GOR". A movie that should have the tagline"GOR: It just happened". And you might find that watching and talking about "GOR" can be a very enlightening endeavor. It can help you learn the difference between "low budget film making" and "Cheap". It can teach you how to show the most boring fight scenes ever accompanied by the biggest swords ever. It will show you the patented drunk Oliver Reed quiet LOUD acting style. How Reddit can connect this odd movie and book series to a BDSM subculture. And most importantly, the Cannon Bros will teach you how to talk about a "Highway The Heaven" episode AFTER talking about "Children Of The Corn" and somehow connect it to GOR. It's a magical fantastical ride that will leave you asking one final question.  "Can I put this in your sack"? 

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YOU GOT A HEART LIKE A LION! Yes, you do, for listening to our latest COULD'VE Been a Cannon where we are covering the 1990 Jean-Claude Van Damme street fighting classic (that is NOT "Street Fighter") "Lionheart"! This one will make you do a split and show us a gratuitous butt shot. Do we go through how JCVD does not really prove himself to be the best street fighter in the biz? You bet. Do we try to parse through what exactly are the actual economics of street fighting? Of course. Are we completely confused on what exactly a Legionnaire is? You better believe it. So put your entire savings down on a "wrong bet", and take on an ever-morphing street fighting nickname, cuz this one's gonna light your drug dealin' brother on fire! But seriously..what exactly is a Legionnaire?

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Just a bunch of ninjas doing ninja stuff! That's right. The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are finally covering the 1981 Cannon Ninja classic "Enter The Ninja". And, literally, this is where it all started. Most of the ninja stuff you love in movies came from this and Cannon's complete misunderstanding of ninjas! We talk shirtless nunchuck practice! Ole blueyes himself, Franco Nero, layering one-liner after one-liner! Using his old war buddy's drunken impotence as a green light to play "enter the ninja" with his wife! Is it practical to have an office in a pool? And oh yeah, ninja fighting! You'll question the ethics of the TWO separate cockfighting scenes, but by the end, you'll be joining us in a toast proclaiming, "COMPAI"!

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SUCK A DOORKNOB FART BRAINS! That's just some of the beautiful poetry you'll fall in love with in the 1986 Charles Bronson neo-noir Cannon classic "Murphy's Law". The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are joined by special guest JEN SAUNDERSON (Everything Is Scary! podcast) to parse through this modern-day Shakespeare. And trust us, this is classic Bronson. Convoluted and problematic old man jokes? Check. Bronson going grocery shopping and throwing buttermilk everywhere? Check. Needlessly complicated revenge plot? Check. And a whole lot of moments that will make you go "WHOA! WAS THAT A LOT MORE VIOLENT THAN IT NEEDED TO BE?!" CHECK CHECK CHECK. Top it all off with the threat of a Bronson sex scene with someone more than half his age and baby, YOU GOT A CLASSIC BRONSON! What is this?! Romper Room?! NO! It's the Cannon Canon, boyo! 

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IT'S ALMOST TEXTURED? Oooh baby do we have a wild ride of a movie today. The 1980 Klaus Kinski kind of a slasher, kind of a giallo, kind of an Agatha Christie whodunnit, kind of a good movie and kind of not classic "Schizoid"! And talking about it with the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) is the fantastic writer, actor and director, Josh Ruben (Scare Me)!  Listen as we try to wade through the classic questions: Is Klaus Kinski sexy? Are these the worst cops in LAPD history? Do we really believe that THAT is the killer? Is that the girl from "Angel"? And did they mean to make a good movie sometimes or is it just "almost textured"? Not sure we got the answers (other than Klus Kinkski is an unforgivable monster in real life) but we have a fun time trying to figure it all out. So, get naked, pour a glass of champagne and let's dish in the hot tub about...SCHIZOID! 

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What ELSE "COULD'VE Been a Cannon"? Today The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are pulling back and throwing out a little minisode. While they are releasing their first month-early COULD'VE Been a Cannon episode on their Patreon, the boys go through some of the possible movies they are thinking of covering in other COULD'VE Been a Cannons. Take a trip down the list while taking a detour into tangent city with topics like how to pronounce the word "Aunt" and "Snickers".  It's a fun episode that is visited by the Ghost of Future Possible JCVD Films. Let them know what you think and feel free to add on. And go to the Patreon to get another episode. Pray we never do The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.

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YEP SHE IS STILL NAKED! That's right, today we are talking about the 1985 sci-fi/horror/space boobs classic from the master of the erotic himself Tobe Hooper, "Lifeforce". The Cannon Canon bros are joined by special guest Jason Gore(The Best Show w/Tom Scharpling and 108.9 The Hawk) to answer all the important questions raised by this film. Like "What exactly is the plan of these space vampires?" and  "How many times did Hooper have to cut himself out of his cream jeans" and "Will anyone enjoy a Riki Rachtman impression" to the most important question. "Can there be too much nudity??" (Spoiler the answer is yes. )

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HERCULES, HERCULES, HERCULES! Yep we are finally doing it. The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are watching the 1983 Lou Ferrigno sci-fi/fantasy/what the hell is going on classic "HERCULES". If you wanted to see the greatest collection of sexy people on screen at once? You got it!  If you wanted to see Lou Ferrigno fight a bear and throw it into space? You got it! If you wanted to wade through a constant barrage of "is this problematic because it's Cannon, an Italian production or classic mythology"? You got that too! It truly has it all in the best and worst ways possible. Best listened to while cleaning the horse stables with river water!

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BRADDOCK!!! The name so nice, it's said a million times!  It's a new year and the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are starting it strong by closing out the Missing in Action trilogy with 1988's "Braddock: Missing In Action III". That's right, good ole' Molasses 2x4 is back for one more round of confusing politics and now with an extra dash of confusing timelines. From the head-scratching choice to name the Reverend overseeing an orphanage "Reverend Polanski" to the Saw style torture of his...wait for it...son? to the constant international incidents Braddock is causing non stop while people yell out his name,  we go in deep and are still left flummoxed when we realize...his first name is Jim?

Jump Into the Braddock-verse with us!

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Happy New Year...s Evil! The Cannon Bros, Frank and Geoff, look back at a year of Cannon goodness (while the world went to hell) and they share their thoughts on where they hope to take the Cannon Canon in 2021. Frank and Geoff also revisit some of their favorite movies, music, actors and moments from the films they watched the past year and they even get a special visit from Charles Bronson himself to assess the choices Frank and Geoff have made in life. 

Rally 'round the moon, boy! And give it a listen (maybe at the strike of midnight in each U.S. Time Zone)!

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MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM MOLASSES 2X4! On this very special Christmas episode, the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are watching the 1985 Chuck Norris "holiday" classic INVASION U.S.A.  Or as we all call it...the prequel to AVENGING FORCE.  Put on your Jay Leno denim special because we are giving you the gift of confusing politics. A movie that has so much Christmas shoved in between blowing up suburbs with rocket launchers, you would think Shane Black directed it. From shooting people in the penis, to rocket launchers, to realizing this movie is Back to the Future II for the GOP, to rocket launchers, to constantly being worried about that lil armadillo to rocket launchers. It's the gift that keeps on giving! Did we mention rocket launchers? There is almost TOO much action in this stone-cold Cannon classic and we go through every...damn...moment. It's the episode that'll hit you with so many rights you'll be begging for a left! 

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LET OF SOME STEAM...with our latest "COULD'VE Been A Cannon". The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are going deep on one of their favorites: the 1985 ultimate action film, Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Commando". And like an Austrian god emerging from the mountains holding an entire tree, it's a great one. From nonstop one liners to wondering if Bennett is REALLY Freddie Mercury on steroids or just a lil' dumpy, to the will they or won't they relationship that we are glad they didn't explore more to the ultimate question: did the guy from the Warriors yell out "Oooh la la"? And we also announce OUR BRAND NEW PATREON! This episode is the ultimate holiday gift for everyone. But mostly for the Cannon Bros because we love it so much. 

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"HIS KNIFE HAS TO BE HIS PENIS!" Who would say something like that? Charles Bronson, that's who, baby! Today the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are going to go through every intense thing ole "Lil' Smile" himself says in the 1983 Cannon classic "10 to Midnight". There is a lot to unpack in this old man, confusing politics, serial killer murdering film. You will want to pull out your Bronson impression every time he is a terrible cop, a terrible father and a terrible human being in this beautifully scummy movie. Maybe you'll ask yourself, "Where can I get that giant poster of our killer in his karate outfit?" But you'll definitely be making slightly problematic YouTube tributes set to Dream Weaver after hearing this episode! 

"No, we won't." 

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GET YOUR PHANTOM TINGLES READY! We are watching 1988's total fever dream of a movie "Doin' Time On Planet Earth". Join The Cannon Canon bros as they half-remember watching it as a child and marvel at the total lost comedic genius of Adam West. As well as ask all the right questions about this almost unavailable lost "possible punk classic" of a movie. Questions like "Did Darren Star bury this movie post his 90210/Sex and the City fame? Is there some hidden connection between Doin Time and "Teen Wolf? Why would you make a movie about the B-52's and never have them show up? And the question we are all asking ourselves...How did Maureen Stapleton end up in this movie? How did we miss Roddy McDowall as the minister?! And many more. So marvel at how Adam West is clearly an inspiration to Matt Berry with us and sit down to a wonderful dinner of peas, carrots and...ham and listen!

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IT'S A ROMP AND A HALF! Or actually...it's half a romp and half a mess. Today The Cannon Canon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are hunting down 1985's "King Solomon's Mines". And they go through it all on this epic journey. From the bloodless brutality, to the giant Universal Stunt show spectacular set pieces to the worst blue screen plane chase you have ever seen. Oh and did we mention Richard Chamberlain blows off someones balls with a shot gun in this light hearted Indiana Jones style romp? It's a wild ride that will leave you breathless. Because it never stops and they jam so much "what the hell is going on" into this movie. Cozy up with your loved one in a giant cannibal pot and get listening!

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IT'S A LOVE FEST, BABY! The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are back to gush about our favorite couple in 1987's "American Ninja 2: The Confrontation". If you stan Michael Dudikoff and Steve James, then you're in the right bar/brothel brawl, my friend. This one has it all! Beach Ninjas that excel in teamwork,  Ninjas that wait in kitchens, Ninjas that attack in alleys, Ninjas that hang on trucks Indiana Jones style, Ninja's who break code and wield surprise shotguns and enough "Super Ninjas" to make you go, "...wait? Are they actually that super?" Throw in a dash of "Ninja Magic" and you'll be screaming "HE IS A NINJA!" So tune to hear all the talk about your new favorite Christmas movie and all of our love for the powerhouse that is Dudikoff/James! *bowling strike noise*  "It's a party!" 

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We like the pain AND the misery! And we can't believe it took us this long to get to a Jean Claude Van-Damme movie. So this week The Cannon Bros are tackling JCVD's 1989 film "Cyborg" with special guest Andy Beckerman (Beginnings Podcast, Couples Therapy podcast). From the corpses of Masters of the Universe 2 and Spider-Man, Cyborg rose like a phoenix from the ashes to give the world constant slow-motion spin kicks, constant yelling, constant ripping off of Brian Bosworth sunglasses to show them piercing blue eyes and constant confusion about what exactly a "slinger" is. We wade through the many minutes of JCVD staring off into the middle distance in a flashback that goes into a flashback and wonder along with him: should we make a movie about the making of Cyborg? Well come on down to the Wasteland, follow a billion red herrings and end up where we all will: marveling at JCVD's splits in that one beautiful shot. Cyborg...we got you covered.

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Get ready for a softer side of Chuck Norris...kind of...not really. The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are diving deep into the 1988 Norris vehicle "Hero And The Terror". From the Molasses 2x4 in a sweater cracking "jokes", to watching the great Steve James get sidelined to a thankless role (while doing a confusing character voice) to Norris being the worst partner and father to be. The Cannon Bros give fatherly advice all to the tune of Prong's "Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck"...with plenty of slow-mo windmill kicks and pointless ADR to go around. Listen and YOU can decide if Norris should really have earned the nickname "Hero". It'll have you quickly saying "Hey, how ya doin'?" to random Jesse Ventura looking dudes on the street! 

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ONE MORE DAY TILL HALLOWEEN! SILVER SHAMROCK! We are breaking format for our first "COULD'VE Been a Cannon" episode and the Cannon Canon bros (Frank and Geoff) are covering one of our favorite movies of all time: HALLOWEEN III: Season of the Witch! If there ever was a movie that COULD have been a Cannon film, this would be it. SO much to love here. From a drunk womanizing protagonist, to a diabolical plan that could be ruined by timezones to the secret nexus of the universe that is a gas station somewhere in California, we cover it all. Pop a Mentos, watch out for Peter Cetera robots and give it a listen! 

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EVERYTHING CAN'T BE CREEPY!!! Or can it? The Cannon Bros(Frank and Geoff) explore that question in 1984's "Hospital Massacre" or "X-Ray" or a billion other titles. In one of Cannon's early jumps into the slasher genre, the bros will also answer: Are these nurses in Human League? What is the deal with those Shakespearean witches? What exactly is Dirty Synthy? And is it a hamburger or a Sloppy Joe? Oh and is this a successful horror movie? Come on! It's hundo- Le Bon!  

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GETTIN' A LIL' GINTY! This week the Cannon Bros(Frank and Geoff) dive deep into 1984's EXTERMINATOR 2! We talk about all the burning action and figure out what Cannon films would be like in a Twitter world. From the quickest flame throwers in the world, to cocaine as an acting choice to the the craziest sight lines you will EVER see. The Cannon bros are gonna take you on a tour of the seediest parts of Exterminator 2 as well as mid 2000 Williamsburg/Greenpoint as we RALLY ROUND THE MOON!

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"Daddy?!" This week the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) go underground (to the center of the earth!) to watch the 1988  Kathy Ireland vehicle, ALIEN FROM L.A.! Joining us on this journey is voice-actor, comedian and musician Sandra Saad (Marvel's Avengers video game, Eye of the Sun)! We talk about Kathy Ireland's borderline offensive mean girl approach to sounding like a "nerd", Deep Roy's deep long eyelashes, morphine drip acting, unnecessary and inconsistent dual casting, the Alien from L.A. extended cinematic universe, random love interests introduced over an HOUR into the movie and so so much more!!! It's truly the random-ass Halloween decorated lawns of movies! 

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Today the Cannon Canon bros are split up! Its like Michael Dudikoff or Steve James left to their lonesome, as Geoff takes on a quick minisode on his own. As we take a brief respite from regular episodes to refuel our Cannon jets, Geoff will give you a little thanks for all your listening. A little preview of some upcoming episodes. A couple big ideas we have for the future. Even a call out for someone to make us shirts(Molasses 2x4 anyone?). And probably some other things he forgot he babbled about. You can consider this like one of those weird clip shows they used to do the night before the beginning of the new Saturday Morning Cartoon lineup. But if that was just Geoff talking. IT WILL BE GREAT!

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It's our first Global Pictures movie! Even though the trailer has the Cannon logo. This week the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) take on 1993 or 1995's technically released in theaters but sort of direct to video "erotic" "horror" film, Night Terrors! Directed by Tobe "TCM 2" Hooper. And joining us is the very funny Halle Kiefer (Ruined podcast)! Robert Englund plays the depraved Marquis De Sade and his Yuppie descendant Paul Chevalier. Is it erotic? Privates floppin' around on horses, snake jobs, Freddy rip off scenes,  Mermaid cults, weird dad's dressed as boyscouts, imagining Tobe Hooper directing sex scenes. Whatever it is...it's definitely Tobe Hooper's Night Terrors. 

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The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) take a trip to "moments of disappointment from your childhood" with this week's big-budget Cannon film, 1987's "Masters of the Universe"! And who better to join us than the NEW ORKO himself, GRIFFIN NEWMAN (Blank Check pod, The Tick, Masters of the Universe: Revelation). We discuss John Williams Rip Off Scores! He-Man's not even the star! Langella Love! Petty George Lucas! Kids love Billy Barty! Poor Pig Boy! “Guess you should have avoided The Noid”! And SO much more. Even a lil' "spoiler-free" tidbit about the new Masters of the Universe coming to Netflix. Good journey, Cannon Canon listeners! 

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The Cannon Bros take a little detour to interview Austin Trunick about his new book The Cannon Film Guide Volume 1: 1980-1984!

We talk about some Kim's Video love, the best rejection letter EVER, how Firewalker was a sample script, Dustin Hoffman takes Cannon to court, Tobe Hooper’s Pinocchio?! and so much more! 

It's a must-have book for any Cannon-head. Check it out!

(Heads up: Had some audio issues, but we tried to clean it up as best as possible. Enjoy!)

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It was bound to happen sooner or later and unfortunately, it happened sooner. One single Cannon film has broken the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) and that movie is Roman Polanski's trash fire of a film, "PIRATES". Enduring the pain of this movie with us this week is Dave Schilling (Full Court Chat)! We all eat the rat on this one. Good luck! 

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HOT DOG!!! On this episode, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) get Stockholm Syndrome watching 1986's FIREWALKER starring Chuck "Molasses 2x4" Norris, Lou "Iron Eagle" Gossett Jr and Melody "Flash! AH, AH!" Anderson. So much to cover in this adventure, action-comedy! Shockingly short production turnaround times! Misleading Fonts! "Dead People Sleeping"! Stomped on Comedic Timing! Paul Rodriguez Punch Ups! Moving Eye Patches and Problematic Catch-All Casting! If the gold isn't here, then it's somewhere else! But it's all gold on The Cannon Canon, baby!!!

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GAWAINNNNN!!! On this episode of The Cannon Canon, special guest Jon Gabrus (High & Mighty, Action Boyz) joins the Cannon Bros to discuss a Cannon take on an Arthurian legend...kind of...maybe??? Whatever it is, it's certainly, "Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight". From sex witches turn ceramic frogs, to floppy horned unicorns to Sean Connery's green chest hair, just try to keep up with a plot so needlessly complicated that it would confuse a 4th level Dungeon Master. We cover SO much that we forgot to even mention that crazy detached Connery head! To quote Friar Vosper, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

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Dog will hunt! Today on The Cannon Canon, Michael Berdan (Uniform) joins the Cannon Canon Bros (Frank & Geoff) to debate the good, the bad, and the repetitive of 1986's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2! Lefty rejects redemption, bodies from the first film used like furniture and muppets, Bill Moseley turns Geoff's stomach, Frank gets homesick for Texas, the impracticality of chainsaws as weapons and SO much more!  OH, OUR ACHIN' BANANA! What an episode! 

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DUDIKOFF BABY!!!! "Avenging Force" might be the most Cannon-y Cannon films in the history of Cannon Films and the Cannon Canon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are sticking it where the sun don't shine (audibly speaking and into your earholes, of course)! Is it a sequel to "Invasion U.S.A"? Is it almost too prescient of our current times? Are Frank and Geoff jealous of Michael Dudikoff and Steve James' friendship? Is that John P. Ryan's real guttural demonic scream? Which Build a Bear killer costume would we choose? And DID SO MANY KIDS NEED TO DIE?!?!?! So many questions, you could discretely fit them into a baby crib, it's...."Avenging Force!"

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Runaway Train never going back. But the Cannon Canon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are back...to talk about the THREE-TIME OSCAR NOMINATED Cannon Film "Runaway Train" with our special guest Mike Pace (Mike Pace and the Child Actors, The Oxford Collapse, Worst Gig Ever). We revel in all of the insane acting choices in this Cannon Film that many consider to be, "the good one". From your mama's farthole, to eatin' anchovies, to finding some shoes. We cover every aspect of "Runaway Train" like it's gold! "THAT'S GOOD!"

Do you think Manny ever found that bathroom in the end?

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EEEEVVVVIIILLLLL! Use your Mom's red stockings as a mask and take some giant pills, because The Cannon Canon bros (aka Frank and Geoff) are back and breaking down the "Punk"/"New Wave" "holiday" horror film New Year's Evil!  Weirdo sons overcoming nepotism! Accurate representations of the LAPD! Death by weed bag!  Colorady! Morose Liquor Store transactions! Punks shuffle loud! Judas Priest takes a nap! Subtle 3 Stooges ADR! Bob Hope lookin' Stan Laurel masks! It's almost as good as the main theme which is definitely not punk. All that don’t mean doodly dee squat if you miss out on this one! You're in sh*# city.

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No better time to watch people sweating and holding hands while screaming in each other faces!  That's right, we're guzzlin' Valvoline and talkin' about the Brut stench of Sylvester Stallone's "Over The Top" with special guest Andrew Ti (Yo, Is This Racist?; Mixed-ish). From what a bad dad Stallone's character is, to the jerkiness of the Razzies, to why we should all listen to Loggia and drink our orange juice. We're flippin' that cap around and helping you go...Over The Top! Just don't go running in traffic on us, Ok?! 

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DUDIKOFF BABY! The Cannon Canon bros get into our first American Ninja and our first Michael Dudikoff film. That's right. He's American...and a ninja?! We go through it all! Dudikoff's James Dean stares, not so stealthy motorcycle escapes, Jackson's practicality and badassery, ALF's neighbor is HIGHLY flammable and lazer ninja hands?! Listen to this episode and you will finally exclaim "HE IS A NINJA!"

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BRONSON IS BACK! Sigh. And he is fighting Mormons? And he ISN'T a detective? And he has multiple bulky leather jackets? Well, the Cannon Bros aka Frank and Geoff are here to guide you through this ridiculous mess one Bronson impression at a time. And by the end you will agree that Bronson is the Dave Barry of Cannon Films. 

You'll definitely have an 80's Taco Bell craving after this one. 

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BRADDOCK IS BACK...for the second time...in the first movie? It's confusing. Frank and Geoff are here to guide you through all the molasses action! From the Norris rule of 27's to a surprising amount of bartering to a theory about MIA and all action movies that might BLOW YOUR MIND. Just don't let Braddock distract you or you're a dead man! 

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Michael Hartney (School of Rock the Musical, Montreal Just For Laughs Festival)  joins us to talk about SUPERMAN IV: The Quest For Peace! It's the Comic Book You Get At a Dentist Office of Comic Book Movies! The genius of Christopher Reeve still shines in a turd of a movie! The origin of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy"! The "Cannon Stink"! Another one of Geoff's sexual awakenings! Superman's potentially problematic "sick" look! FLOATING LOIS! "First I have fun!"  WARNING: Don't say "ReeveS" or Hartney will kill you! 

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HEY! HEY! HEY! BIM IS THE WAY! Recorded in Dec 2019, Lauren Adams (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Modern Family, Drunk History) joined The Cannon Canon to talk about the perplexing cocaine meets LSD trip that is THE APPLE! 6 Drafts in 3 weeks! Geoff's earliest film cameo! McPlayPlace Cars! Mispredicting 90's eyebrows. LONG songs about Speed! Stylish translucent suitcases and MORE! Join us as we pile in the sky Impala taking us to musical heaven!

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Geoff and Frank put the Cannon Canon on pause this week and encourage listeners to open their ears and hearts to other voices. Tune in next week for "The Apple" with guest Lauren Adams. Until then, be safe. 

Grab the ratbag! It's a special pandemic episode of The Cannon Canon. Frank and Geoff record from the safety and comfort of their separate homes to discuss the Chuck Norris Regan-hard on action flick MISSING IN ACTION 2! The movie that "honors"  Vietnam POWs. The consistent acting style of Chuck Norris! Burning bridges...literally! Mouth Rat commitment! Brooklyn has a chicken BFF! Pantsed in front of Prostitutes! Dictators in wicker chairs! It's all "SO EXTRA!" 

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Danielle Perez (CBS Showcase 2020, MTV's Decoded, Jimmy Kimmel Live!) joins us to talk about the underdog box office smash hit...BREAKIN'! The delicate balance of incredible breakdancing and...just OK dancing? JCVD wiggle cameos! Shooter McGavin's a good guy! Cupcake's mean jean meat! Perplexin' ADR! "Stop flexin' so hard!" We BREAK(in') it all down!

Tech issues ahoy! Frank unfortunately had some audio issues, but we tried our best to clean it up for yer pretty lil' ears.

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WIll Hines (Brooklyn 99, Wrecked, How To Be The Greatest Improvisor on Earth) joins us to talk about HIGHLANDER! Connery the "Spaniard", The McManus Nexus, Queen lives forever, Shoegaze lovin' Gods, literal sparks flyin' at Silver Cup, EVERYONE HAVIN' A GOOD OL' TIME ON SET, AND MORE!!!

We'll tell you that for nothing! 

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Oscar Montoya (Spanish Aquí Presents, Bless the Harts)  joins The Cannon Canon to talk about the Andrew McCarthy/Kim Cattrall "comedy" romp MANNEQUIN! We get into it all from burgeoning sexuality, to 80's junkyard fridge panic, to James Spader simply stealing the show!

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Today the Cannon Canon crew talk to Nate Smith (Red Oaks, There's Johnny, Mixed-ish) to discuss one of the greatest movies in the Cannon filmography IF NOT IN ALL OF FILM. Of course we are talking about Sylvester Stallone's 1986 "Cobra". From garbage bellies to robot photo shoots to deep childhood trauma, we cover it all. 

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The Cannon Canon crew talk to special guest Noah Segan (Knives Out, Looper) about all things Charles Bronson and our movie this week, 1982's "DEATH WISH II". From punks, to Zeppelin, and all the Mandom in between, The Cannon Canon goes in deep on Bronson.

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Welcome to the Cannon Canon. In this premier episode aka The Beginning, Frank and Geoff take you through what this podcast is, a slight history of Cannon films and their personal history with Cannon. 

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