10% Happier with Dan Harris

An alternative for people who have trouble meditating on the breath.

About Sharon Salzberg:

Sharon Salzberg is a meditation pioneer, world-renowned teacher, and New York Times bestselling author. She is among the first to bring mindfulness & lovingkindness meditation to mainstream American culture fifty years ago, inspiring generations of meditation teachers and wellness influencers.

A co-founder of The Insight Meditation Society in Barre, MA, Sharon is the author of thirteen books, including the New York Times bestseller, Real Happiness, now in its second edition, and her seminal work, Lovingkindess.

In 2023, Sharon released two new books: Real Life, available from Flatiron Books, and Finding Your Way, a small gift book from Workman.

To find this meditation in the Happier app, you can search for “Meditating with Touch Points.”

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A crucial (and often misunderstood) concept in Buddhism: letting go.

For this episode, Executive Producer DJ Cashmere interviewed a trio of brilliant Dharma teachers to get their advice about how to handle surrendering or letting go. This is the fourth in a series of 'correspondent' episodes, in which DJ identifies a pain point in his life and meditation practice, then goes out into the world to report on the best ways to address it.

Kaira Jewel Lingo is a former nun in the Plum Village tradition started by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. Vinny Ferraro teaches at the Insight Meditation Society and Spirit Rock, and also in prisons. Matthew Brensilver teaches at many of the same retreat centers, and spent many years working in the field of addiction pharmacotherapy.

*Find the Soft Belly Meditation here 

*Check out Sebene Selassie’s website and newsletter, Ancestor to Elements. Plus, her ‘Let It Be’ guided meditation on DanHarris.com

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Want to study and practice with today's guests? Please check out these Spirit Rock offerings:

Matthew Brensilver, Buddhist Psychology Training (Begins in January)

Vinny Ferraro: A Year to Live; Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully (Begins in January)

Kaira Jewel Lingo: Healing Our Way Home (Oct. 20); Insight Meditation Retreat (April 9-16; opens Dec. 11)

All 10% Happier listeners receive a discount code for our December Insight Retreat (Dec. 8-18) with the code TENPERCENT

Vinny and Kaira Jewel will also teach at the Insight Meditation Society:

Kaira Jewel Lingo, Strength to Love: Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King: Jr. (Jan 17 - Jan 20), and Return to Wholeness: Opening to Wisdom & Love (online) (Mar 23 - Mar 29)

Vinny Ferraro, Peace in Presence: A Four-Night Retreat for All (Jan 31 - Feb 4)

Related Episodes:

• Listen to all of DJ’s correspondence episodes here
• 3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• How to Keep Your Relationships On the Rails | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• Three Buddhist Practices For Getting Your Sh*t Together | Vinny Ferraro
• Why Self-Hatred Makes No Sense | Matthew Brensilver
• How to Actually Be Present | Matthew Brensilver

Also, the teachers’ sites:

https://vinnyferraro.org/

Vinny Ferraro's Course, A Year To Live

https://www.kairajewel.com/

https://www.matthewbrensilver.org/

Feedback form: Let us know what you think!

https://www.happierapp.com/contact

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

Full Shownotes: https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/dj-surrender-4

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What ancient Greeks and Romans figured out about stress reduction.

You may have heard about stoicism, in the common parlance, as having a stiff upper lip, sucking it up, grinning and bearing it, suppressing your emotions, etcetera. Or you may have heard of Stoicism, the ancient Greco/Roman philosophy, that has become the de rigeur set of life hacks among millennial self-optimizers. 

In this episode, guest Nancy Sherman argues that Stoicism is way deeper than any of that. She will argue that, in fact, Stoicism is kind of the opposite of all the above. It’s a way to truly know your patterns of thought and emotion. 

Nancy Sherman is a Professor of Philosophy at Georgetown University. She is an expert in ethics, the history of moral philosophy, moral psychology, military ethics, and emotions. Her most recent book is called Stoic Wisdom: Ancient Lessons for Modern Resilience.

This episode is a rebroadcast from 2021: it’s one of our most-listened episodes, and we thought it might be particularly useful in this time of election-related stress. 

In this conversation, we:

• cover the basics of Stoicism, 
• how and why capital “S” Stoicism is often misinterpreted, 
• a meditation practice called “premeditation of evils,” which is far more practical than it may sound, 
• and another practice designed to make you feel “at home in the world”.

Content Warning: There is a brief reference to suicide.

Related Episodes:

Ancient Strategies for Managing Stress & Anxiety | Ryan Holiday

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Full Shownotes: https://www.happierapp.com/podcast/tph/nancy-sherman-rerun

Additional Resources:

• Download the Happier app today: https://my.happierapp.com/link/download

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Discomfort with the unknown is a natural human response. This meditation will help you relax as you practice allowing the rhythm of life to unfold.

About Alexis Santos:

Alexis has practiced and taught Insight Meditation in both the East and West since 2001. He has been a long-time student of Sayadaw U Tejaniya (a well respected meditation teacher in Burma whose teachings have attracted a global audience), and his teaching emphasizes knowing the mind through a natural and relaxed continuity -- a style of practice that's particularly useful during our crazy lives. Alexis has completed the Spirit Rock/IMS Teacher Training, teaches retreats across the globe, and currently lives in Portland, Maine.

To find this meditation in the Happier app, you can search for “Facing Uncertainty.”

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How to get the practice into your molecules—not in some militaristic way, but in a way that feels easy and natural.

Alexis Santos has been in the field of mindfulness and meditation since 2001. After graduating from Harvard University in 1995, he spent several years in medical school before leaving his chosen career as a doctor to seek out a different path. It was while traveling in India that he was introduced to insight meditation.

Since that time, Alexis has practiced in many meditative styles and traditions, including with Sayadaw U Tejaniya, the Thai Forest tradition with Ajahn Sumedho, the Tibetan tradition with Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche and within the lay Western insight community where he continues to learn from the growing diversity of voices.

Alexis's primary teacher has been Sayadaw U Tejaniya, from the Burmese Theravada tradition, and with whom he ordained as a Buddhist monk from 2003 - 2005. Sayadaw encouraged Alexis to teach in 2012. Alexis also completed the Spirit Rock/IMS four-year teacher training program with Jack Kornfield and others, including mentors Joseph Goldstein and Carol Wilson. 

​

Alexis teaches meditation at retreat centers around the world. He is featured on the Ten Percent Happier meditation app and is co-founder of Open Door Meditation Community in Portland, Maine where he is a guest teacher. 

Alexis's teaching style is natural and uncrafted. He brings a practical, intuitive and compassionate approach to the development of wisdom.

***

Want to study and practice with Alexis? Visit his website at alexissantos.io where you can join his freely offered online practice sessions.

He will also be teaching at the Insight Meditation Society from March 5 - 12. When Awareness Becomes Natural: An U Tejaniya-style Insight Meditation Retreat

Related Episodes:

A More Relaxed Way to Meditate | Alexis Santos

I Just Did A 10-Day Silent Meditation Retreat With Joseph Goldstein. Here’s What I Learned

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Full Shownotes: https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/alexis-santos-855

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How optimizing this skill can change your life – and the world.

Rabbi Sharon Brous has some extremely practical tips for how to improve what psychologists call your social health. She is the senior and founding rabbi of IKAR, a Jewish community in LA. Her new book, a bestseller, is called The Amen Effect: Ancient Wisdom to Heal Our Hearts and Mend Our Broken World.

Related Episodes:

• This Neurobiologist Wants You To Ask One Question To Reframe Anxiety, Depression, And Trauma | Dr. Bruce Perry (Co-Interviewed by Dan's Wife, Bianca!)

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Full Shownotes: https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/rabbi-sharon-brous-852

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Unraveling one of our main sources of unhappiness.

About Sebene Selassie:

Growing up, Sebene felt like a big weirdo. Born in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and raised in white neighborhoods in Washington, D.C., she was a tomboy Black girl who loved Monty Python and UB40. She never believed she belonged. Thirty years ago, she began studying Buddhism as an undergraduate at McGill University where she majored in Comparative Religious Studies. Now, Sebene is a teacher, author, and speaker who teaches that meditation can help us remember our inherent sense of belonging, that our individual freedom affects absolutely everyone and everything, and that our collective freedom depends on each and every one of us. Sebene is a three-time cancer survivor of Stage III and IV cancer.

Check out Sebene’s Substack newsletter, Ancestors to Elements. 

To find this meditation in the Happier app, you can search for “Hope in the Everyday.”

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Buddhist case — and toolkit — for “don’t-know mind.”

For this episode, Executive Producer DJ Cashmere interviewed a trio of brilliant Dharma teachers to get their advice about how to handle being wrong. This is the third in a series of 'correspondent' episodes, in which DJ identifies a pain point in his life and meditation practice, then goes out into the world to report on the best ways to address it.

Kaira Jewel Lingo is a former nun in the Plum Village tradition started by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. Vinny Ferraro teaches at the Insight Meditation Society and Spirit Rock, and also in prisons. Matthew Brensilver teaches at many of the same retreat centers, and spent many years working in the field of addiction pharmacotherapy.

*Matthew’s Dharma talk on Knowing And Not-Knowing

****

Want to study and practice with today's guests? Please check out these Spirit Rock offerings:

Matthew Brensilver, Buddhist Psychology Training (Begins in January)

Vinny Ferraro: A Year to Live; Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully (Begins in January)

Kaira Jewel Lingo: Healing Our Way Home (Oct. 20); Insight Meditation Retreat (April 9-16; opens Dec. 11)

All 10% Happier listeners receive a discount code for our December Insight Retreat (Dec. 8-18) with the code TENPERCENT

& if you'd like to study with these guests on the East Coast, check out these retreats at the Insight Meditation Society:

Kaira Jewel Lingo, Strength to Love: Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King: Jr. (Jan 17 - Jan 20), and Return to Wholeness: Opening to Wisdom & Love (Mar 23 - Mar 29)

Vinny Ferraro, Peace in Presence: A Four-Night Retreat for All (Jan 31 - Feb 4)

Related Episodes:

• Listen to all of DJ’s correspondence episodes here
• 3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• How to Keep Your Relationships On the Rails | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• Three Buddhist Practices For Getting Your Sh*t Together | Vinny Ferraro
• Why Self-Hatred Makes No Sense | Matthew Brensilver
• How to Actually Be Present | Matthew Brensilver

Also, the teachers’ sites:

https://vinnyferraro.org/

Vinny Ferraro's Course, A Year To Live

https://www.kairajewel.com/

https://www.matthewbrensilver.org/

Feedback form: Let us know what you think!

https://www.happierapp.com/contact

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Ten Percent Happier online bookstore

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

Full Shownotes: https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/dj-being-wrong-3

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A Stanford innovation expert shares practical tips on future-proofing your mind.

Frederik Pferdt was Google’s first Chief Innovation Evangelist, where founded Google’s Innovation Lab. He’s also taught classes on innovation and creativity at Stanford University for more than a decade. His new book is called What's Next Is Now: How to Live Future Ready.

In this episode we talk about:

• Why we are so resistant to change
• How to embrace the unknown
• Why and how to develop compulsive curiosity
• The value of experiments and why we shouldn’t fear failure
• What it means to have expansive empathy, and why that can help you develop a future-ready mindset
• And how to identify what he calls your Dimension X—your own unique capacities

Related Episodes:

Dua Lipa On: Radical Optimism, Falling On Stage, And “Writing Yourself Into A Good Idea”

#516. Robin Roberts on the Skill of Optimism

#274 The Case for Optimism | Dr. Jonathan Salk

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More from Frederik Pferdt:

Book: What's Next Is Now: How to Live Future Ready

NextLetter (newsletter signup): https://www.frederikgpferdt.com/#nextletter

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/frederikgpferdt/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/fgpferdt/?locale=en_US

Full Shownotes: https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/frederik-pferdt-851

Additional Resources:

• Download the Happier app today: https://my.happierapp.com/link/download

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Cultivating what’s good in us helps during times of both abundance and adversity. In fact, it’s when times are hard that we need it the most.

About Kaira Jewel Lingo:

At the age of twenty-five, Kaira Jewel Lingo entered a Buddhist monastery in the Plum Village tradition and spent fifteen years living as a nun under the guidance of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. Now based in New York, she sees her work as a continuation of Engaged Buddhism as well as the work of her parents, inspired by their stories and her dad’s work with Martin Luther King Jr. on desegregating the South. The author of We Were Made for These Times: Ten Lessons on Moving through Change, Loss and Disruption, Kaira Jewel especially feels called to share mindfulness and meditation with Black, Indigenous, and People of Color, as well as activists, educators, youth, artists, and families.

Recently on the podcast:

Six Buddhist Practices To Stay Calm In A Tumultuous World | Kaira Jewel Lingo, Valerie Brown and Marisela Gomez

To find this meditation in the Happier app, you can search for “Growing the Good.”

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why the man behind “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” is a self-help junkie.

Judd Apatow is one of the most prolific comedic minds in the industry. Recently, Apatow produced Peacock’s buddy comedy Please Don’t Destroy: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain and Universal’s romcom, Bros, starring and co-written by Billy Eichner. Apatow also directed, produced, and co-wrote with Pam Brady, the Netflix comedy The Bubble and produced and co-directed HBO Films’ Emmy®-winning documentary George Carlin’s American Dream with Michael Bonfiglio. His Netflix comedy special, Judd Apatow: The Return, released in 2017 and premiered to critical acclaim. Previous director credits include the Emmy®-award-winning documentary, The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up and The King of Staten Island. He produced Academy Award®-nominated The Big Sick and Bridesmaids, as well as Superbad, Pineapple Express and Anchorman. For television, he executive produced Crashing, Girls, and Freaks and Geeks. Off screen, Apatow authored Sicker in the Head, a follow-up to his New York Times best-seller Sick in the Head.

In this episode we talk about:

• The role of his parents’ bitter divorce in his life and work
• The balance between creativity and ambition
• Why so many comedians are so neurotic
• His creative process, including some gems from the TV writer David Milch
• His relationship to panic, and a hilarious story about freaking out on weed
• The way he’s started to understand the different voices inside of him
• His recent experiment with ayahuasca, and what he learned
• And the role of comedy when it feels like the world is on fire

Related Episodes:

Bill Hader on Anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, and Leaning into Discomfort

Duncan Trussell on: Being a Spiritual Omnivore, Whether Psychedelics Are a Bridge to the Divine, and How the Gates of Hell Are Locked From the Inside

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

Full Shownotes: http://www.happierapp.com/podcast/tph/judd-apatow

Additional Resources:

• Download the Happier app today: https://www.happierapp.com/

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What you resist persists. Buddhist strategies for acceptance and equanimity.

Ofosu Jones-Quartey, a meditation teacher, author, and musician hailing from the Washington DC area brings over 17 years of experience in sharing mindfulness, meditation and self-compassion practices with the world. Holding a bachelor’s degree from American University and certified by the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program, Ofosu is a graduate of the Teleos Coaching Institute and is the male voice on the Balance meditation app, reaching over 10 million subscribers. 

Ofosu leads meditation classes and retreats nationwide, having taught and led retreats at the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, The Insight Meditation Society, Spirit Rock, Brooklyn Zen Center, Cleveland Insight, Inward Bound Mindfulness and more.

As an accomplished hip hop artist under the name “Born I,” Ofosu released the mindfulness-themed album “In This Moment” in 2021. His most recent album is “AMIDA”, a spiritual, Lo-Fi Hip Hop album exploring life, death and his Buddhist faith.

Beyond music, Ofosu is an author. His self-published children’s book “You Are Enough” debuted in 2020 and his next work “Love Your Amazing Self” via Storey Publishing in 2022. Ofosu’s latest book: “Lyrical Dharma: Hip Hop as Mindfulness” will be released in 2025 via Parallax Press. You can pre-order the book here.

Ofosu lives in Rockville, Maryland, with his wife and four children.

Cara Lai has worked as an artist, wilderness guide, social worker, and therapist before becoming a full time meditation teacher. She teaches teens and adults at Spirit Rock, Insight Meditation Society, and Ten Percent Happier.

To find out more about what Cara does, you can go to her website, www.caralai.org – where she’s got some online meditation classes, including one called Meditate Your Face Off. She also has a monthly class for parents, co-led by Ofosu Jones-Quartey.

Speaking of podcasts, Cara also co-hosts a podcast called Adventures in Meditating (For Parents), along with Jess Morey and Jon Roberts.

Cara lives in Vermont with her husband and their 2-year-old son.

Related Episodes:

The Upside of Desire | Cara Lai 

Can You Get Fit Without Self-Loathing? | Cara Lai 

Rewire How You Talk To Yourself | Ofosu Jones-Quartey

What It’s Like To Do A Year-Long Silent Meditation Retreat—By Yourself | Cara Lai

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

Full Shownotes: https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/cara-ofosu-848

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“America's Government Teacher” has smart tips for staying calm in turbulent times.

After years of serving as a high school government and law teacher, Sharon McMahon took her passion for education to Instagram, where more than a million people (who affectionately call themselves “Governerds”) rely on her for non-partisan, fact-based information.

Sharon is also the host of the award-winning podcast, Here’s Where It Gets Interesting, where, each week, she provides entertaining yet factual accounts of America’s most fascinating moments and people. In addition, she is the author of The Preamble, a Substack newsletter about politics and history. 

In this episode we talk about:

• How to avoid being ‘confidently wrong’ 
• How we often get confused between our opinions and our identity—which makes it very hard to change our opinions
• The importance of having a diverse media diet 
• Tips for consuming the news without driving yourself nuts
• How to have compassion for people who we completely disagree with
• How history can be a balm for hopelessness—an antidote for when we’re tempted to conclude that things have never been worse
• How everyday people have way more power than we think
• And why hope is a choice.

Related Episodes:

Eight Things I’m Doing To Stay Sane During Election Season | Dan Harris

#405. How You Help End Polarization and Inequality – and Get Happier, Too | Robert Putnam & Shaylyn Romney Garrett

3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

Full Shownotes: https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/sharon-mcmahon-847

Additional Resources:

Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://app.tenpercent.com/link/download

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Co-opt the feeling of boredom and use it as feedback, instead of just wanting it to go away.

About Joseph Goldstein:

Joseph is one of the most respected meditation teachers in the world -- a key architect of the rise of mindfulness in our modern society -- with a sense of humor to boot. In the 1970's, he co-founded the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) alongside Sharon Salzberg and Jack Kornfield. Since its founding, thousands of people from around the world have come to IMS to learn mindfulness from leaders in the field. Joseph has been a teacher there since its founding and continues as the resident guiding teacher.

To find this meditation in the Happier app, you can search for “When Meditating Gets Boring.”

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Last month, Dan appeared on Impolitic With John Heilemann — the two guys are old friends — to talk through Dan’s strategies for staying sane in the homestretch of this anxiety-fueled, agitation-inducing, existentially unnerving election; why failure is often more productive and profitable (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) than success; how to maintain a sense of calm, balance, and serenity while working harder than, in Dan’s phrase, a “six-peckered goat;” and the career earthquake that’s led to the big recent changes you’ve all heard about in the 10% Happier empire. Dan thought that the conversation was terrific, so he asked John if he could offer it to his followers—et voila, here it is! If this taste of John whets your appetite for more, please follow Impolitic With John Heilemann for a twice-weekly all-you-can-eat buffet of fresh, candid, no-holds-barred conversations with the people who shape our politics and culture. Thanks for listening, hope you enjoy, and namaste.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How to handle other people's anger—and the anger that their anger might trigger in you.

For this episode, Executive Producer DJ Cashmere interviewed a trio of brilliant Dharma teachers to get their advice about how to handle anger. This is the second in a series of 'correspondent' episodes, in which DJ identifies a pain point in his life and meditation practice, then goes out into the world to report on the best ways to address it.

Kaira Jewel Lingo is a former nun in the Plum Village tradition started by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. Vinny Ferraro teaches at the Insight Meditation Society and Spirit Rock, and also in prisons. Matthew Brensilver teaches at many of the same retreat centers, and spent many years working in the field of addiction pharmacotherapy.

****

Want to study and practice with today's guests? Please check out these Spirit Rock offerings:

Matthew Brensilver, Buddhist Psychology Training (Begins in January)

Vinny Ferraro: A Year to Live; Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully (Begins in January)

Kaira Jewel Lingo: Healing Our Way Home (Oct. 20); Insight Meditation Retreat (April 9-16; opens Dec. 11)

All 10% Happier listeners receive a discount code for our December Insight Retreat (Dec. 8-18) with the code TENPERCENT

& if you'd like to study with these guests on the East Coast, check out these retreats at the Insight Meditation Society:

Kaira Jewel Lingo, Strength to Love: Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King: Jr. (Jan 17 - Jan 20), and Return to Wholeness: Opening to Wisdom & Love (Mar 23 - Mar 29)

Vinny Ferraro, Peace in Presence: A Four-Night Retreat for All (Jan 31 - Feb 4)

Related Episodes:

• Listen to all of DJ’s correspondent episodes here
• 3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• How to Keep Your Relationships On the Rails | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• Three Buddhist Practices For Getting Your Sh*t Together | Vinny Ferraro
• Why Self-Hatred Makes No Sense | Matthew Brensilver
• How to Actually Be Present | Matthew Brensilver
• How to Speak Clearly, Calmly, and Without Alienating People | Dan Clurman and Mudita
• Brené Brown Says You're Doing Feelings Wrong
• Dolly Chugh, How Good People Fight Bias
• The Many Benefits of a “Paradox Mindset” | Dolly Chugh

Also, the teachers’ sites:

https://vinnyferraro.org/

Vinny Ferraro's Course, A Year To Live

https://www.kairajewel.com/

https://www.matthewbrensilver.org/

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/DJ-Anger-2

Additional Resources:

Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://my.happierapp.com/link/download

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Amanda Ripley is a New York Times bestselling author, a Washington Post contributing columnist, and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict. She has written three award-winning, nonfiction books about three very different subjects: High Conflict, The Smartest Kids in the World, and The Unthinkable. 

In this episode we talk about:

• The key differences between healthy conflict and high conflict
• Five key steps for getting out of or avoiding high conflict
• Why it's a golden age for so-called conflict entrepreneurs; and how to spot them in your orbit
• ‘Looping’ – a key technique that changed Amanda’s life (and Dan’s)
• How to set good boundaries while not giving up on people
• One of the most reliable antidotes to all forms of bias, something called contact theory
• Thoughts on how to interact with the news and social media during a presidential election
• The very good reasons to avoid humiliating your opponent. She calls humiliation the nuclear bomb of emotions
• And much more

Related Episodes:

Fight Right: The Science of Healthy Conflict | Drs. John and Julie Gottman

How to Repair the Damage After a Fight | Dr. Becky Kennedy

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Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes

Full Shownotes: https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/amanda-ripley-843

Additional Resources:

• thegoodconflict.com
• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://app.tenpercent.com/link/download

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A soothing meditation for moments when stress gets out of control. Take time for self-compassion by accompanying yourself with gentle presence and kind words.

About Pascal Auclair:

Pascal Auclair has been immersed in Buddhist practice and study since 1997, sitting retreats in Asia and America with revered monastics and lay teachers. He has been mentored by Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield at the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Massachusetts and Spirit Rock Meditation Center in California, where he is now enjoying teaching retreats. Pascal teaches in North America and in Europe. He is a co-founder of True North Insight and one of TNI’s Guiding Teachers.

To find this meditation in the Happier app, you can search for “Find Comfort in Self-Compassion.”

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October 10th is World Mental Health Day - and to mark the event, Yale professor Dr Laurie Santos of The Happiness Lab podcast has assembled a crew of fellow hosts from the top wellness shows, a group we’re calling The Titans of Happiness.   

Dr Joy Harden Bradford is a clinical psychologist and host of the podcast Therapy for Black Girls.

Gretchen Rubin is the OG of wellbeing experts. She’s written many best-selling happiness books - most recently Life in Five Senses and hosts Happier with Gretchen Rubin. 

Dan Harris was a TV news anchor who - after having a panic attack live on air - promoted mindfulness meditation practices on his hit show 10% Happier. 

And since she wanted this to be an extra special episode, Dr Laurie invited one extra, extra special guest, Sesame Street’s Elmo. Elmo’s only three and half, so Samantha Maltin (Chief Branding and Marketing Officer at Sesame Workshop) came along with him.  

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This stuff can be done by anyone, anywhere, anytime.

Kaira Jewel Lingo, a frequent flier on this show, was an ordained Buddhist nun for 15 years. Now she lives in New York, writes books, and teaches meditation all over the world. Valerie Brown is a former lawyer and lobbyist who traded in her high-pressure job to teach the dharma. She also works as an executive coach. And Marisela Gomez is a physician, public health scholar and longtime meditator. 

All three guests come out of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s Plum village tradition. They also are the co-authors of the new book Healing Our Way Home: Black Buddhist Teachings on Ancestors, Joy, and Liberation. 

Related Episodes:

• 3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• How to Keep Your Relationships On the Rails | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• The Medieval Executioner in Your Head | Valerie Brown

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Up until now, in our culture, we’ve generally talked about physical health and mental health–but there’s an emerging consensus that the missing piece is social health.

But what can you actually do to improve your social health? Today we’re going deep with the scientist who has thought a lot about this, and has a ton of good advice.

Kasley Killam, MPH, is a leading expert in social health and the award-winning author of The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier. As a graduate of the Harvard School of Public Health, sought-after advisor and keynote speaker, and founder of Social Health Labs, Killam has been improving global well-being through connection for over a decade. Her collaborations with organizations like Google, the US Department of Health and Human Services, and the World Economic Forum contribute to building more socially healthy products, workplaces, and communities. Killam’s insights can be found in outlets such as The New York Times, Forbes, NPR, Scientific American, Psychology Today, and The Washington Post.

In this episode we talk about:

• Why social health is so important, and how it impacts our physical and mental health
• How to figure out what your social style is
• Tips for strengthening your social muscles
• What you can do to boost your social health muscles
• How much vulnerability is appropriate 
• How to have a healthy relationship with yourself
• How legislation could help with social health
• Emerging industries for social fitness
• And lastly, how we can work towards creating a society that cultivates connection

Related Episodes:

Self-Compassion Ain’t Always Soft | Kristin Neff

Kryptonite for the Inner Critic | Kristin Neff

Rethinking Success | Mia Birdsong

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Without a good compass, it is hard to have a sense of direction. Our inner world is much the same—and you can fine-tune your aim in life by sensing where you are right now.  

About Emily Horn:

Emily Horn is on the core team of Buddhist Geeks, which integrates technology, culture, and meditation. She is authorized to teach meditation by Spirit Rock Meditation Center, Insight Meditation Society, and InsightLA, and has been called a “power player of the mindfulness movement" by Wired Magazine.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Tuning Your Inner Compass.”

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A deep dive on one of the thorniest and most destructive states of mind.

For this episode, Executive Producer DJ Cashmere interviewed a trio of brilliant Dharma teachers to get their advice about how to handle anger. This is the first in a series of 'correspondent' episodes, in which DJ identifies a pain point in his life and meditation practice, then goes out into the world to report on the best ways to address it.

Kaira Jewel Lingo is a former nun in the Plum Village tradition started by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. Vinny Ferraro teaches at the Insight Meditation Society and Spirit Rock, and also in prisons. Matthew Brensilver teaches at many of the same retreat centers, and spent many years working in the field of addiction pharmacotherapy.

****

Want to study and practice with today's guests? Please check out these Spirit Rock offerings:

Matthew Brensilver, Buddhist Psychology Training (Begins in January)

Vinny Ferraro: A Year to Live; Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully (Begins in January)

Kaira Jewel Lingo: Healing Our Way Home (Oct. 20); Insight Meditation Retreat (April 9-16; opens Dec. 11)

All 10% Happier listeners receive a discount code for our December Insight Retreat (Dec. 8-18) with the code TENPERCENT

& if you'd like to study with these guests on the East Coast, check out these retreats at the Insight Meditation Society:

Kaira Jewel Lingo, Strength to Love: Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King: Jr. (Jan 17 - Jan 20), and Return to Wholeness: Opening to Wisdom & Love (Mar 23 - Mar 29)

Vinny Ferraro, Peace in Presence: A Four-Night Retreat for All (Jan 31 - Feb 4)

Related Episodes:

• 3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• How to Keep Your Relationships On the Rails | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• Three Buddhist Practices For Getting Your Sh*t Together | Vinny Ferraro
• Why Self-Hatred Makes No Sense | Matthew Brensilver
• How to Actually Be Present | Matthew Brensilver
• The Voice in Your Head | Ethan Kross
• I Just Went Through A Career Earthquake: This Is What's Next.
• How to Repair the Damage After a Fight | Dr. Becky Kennedy
• Get Happier Without Losing Your Edge | Kamala Masters
• Best of the Archives: Making it RAIN | Tara Brach
• Kryptonite for the Inner Critic | Kristin Neff

Also, the teachers’ sites:

https://vinnyferraro.org/

Vinny Ferraro's Course, A Year To Live

https://www.kairajewel.com/

https://www.matthewbrensilver.org/

Feedback form: Let us know what you think!

https://www.happierapp.com/contact

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Dr. Sanjay Gupta is the multiple Emmy Award-winning chief medical correspondent for CNN and host of the CNN podcast Chasing Life. Gupta, a practicing neurosurgeon, plays an integral role in CNN’s reporting on health and medical news for all of CNN’s shows domestically and internationally. In addition to his work for CNN, Gupta is an associate professor of neurosurgery at Emory University Hospital and associate chief of neurosurgery at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta. He is the author of four New York Times best-selling books, “Chasing Life” (2007), “Cheating Death” (2009), “Monday Mornings” (2012), and “Keep Sharp: Building a Better Brain” (2020).

In this episode we talk about:

• Sanjay’s origin story and how he got interested in the brain in the first place
• The mysteries of consciousness
• We dive into his five pillars of brain health
• How you can grow new brain cells by moving the body (but in certain ways)
• Key skills for challenging your brain
• We hear about some meditation tips Sanjay picked up from the Dalai Lama
• Whether we should worry alone or with other people
• And lastly, why it’s so important for men to have vulnerable conversations with each other

Related Episodes:

The Dalai Lama’s Guide to Happiness

#230: The Power of Rest | Alex Soojung-Kim Pang

#614. Your Brain on Food | Dr. Uma Naidoo

The Science Of Memory: How To Get Better At Remembering And Be Okay With Forgetting | Charan Ranganath

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This practice is an opportunity to take a break from *thinking* about frustration and feel a little bit of balance, ease, and patience.

About JoAnna Hardy:

JoAnna Hardy can talk about meditation to pretty much anybody. She not only teaches in traditional environments like retreat centers, but also in both schools and jails. JoAnna has been studying meditation for nearly two decades and she's done some amazing work ensuring that the practice is available to people who might not otherwise have access to it. JoAnna teaches at the Insight Meditation Society, at Spirit Rock, and is a Founding Member of The Meditation Coalition.

To find this meditation in the Happier app, you can search for “When You’re Frustrated.”

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Bringing you an episode of Good Inside with Dr. Becky Kennedy. 

Even if you don't consider yourself an anxious person, once you become a parent, it is easy to start worrying about the health and wellbeing of your child. But parents need to learn to manage their anxiety for themselves and their kids. To celebrate the 10th anniversary of his book, 10% Happier, Dan Harris joins Dr. Becky to dispel some of the myths about meditation and to show parents how meditation can be a practical strategy in their everyday lives.

Check out Dr. Becky's appearance on the 10% Happier Podcast here.

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A (potentially challenging) Buddhist recipe handling anxious times.

Tara Brach, a legendary meditation teacher, psychologist, and frequent flier on this show. She is the founder of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington and has been active in bringing meditation into schools, prisons and underserved populations. She has also written several books including Radical Acceptance, Radical Compassion and Trusting the Gold. 

In this episode we talk about:

• A Buddhist tradition known as the Bodhisattva teachings… which are quite radical… and which Tara thinks can vastly improve your life… and the health of democracy. 
• We also talk about: why some people might think this stuff is too soft
• 4 practices to develop compassion 
• A mindfulness technique known as RAIN
• How mindfulness can help you see what is beneath your anger
• Letting distress be a portal—and the amazing phrase, “action absorbs anxiety”
• How to get active when you have limited time
• And how to counteract the tendency to numb out

Tara also recorded a guided meditation based on this conversation, which you can find on www.DanHarris.com.

Related Episodes:

• The Dalai Lama’s Guide To Happiness
• Vitamin E: How To Cultivate Equanimity Amidst Political Chaos | Election Sanity Series | Roshi Joan Halifax
• A Counterintuitive Source of Hope | Sebene Selassie
• Best of the Archives: Making it RAIN | Tara Brach
• Can You Handle This? | Tara Brach
• How to Stop the War Against Yourself | Tara Brach

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Full Shownotes: https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/tarabrach-833

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The connection between your psychology and your health, and how to work with it.

Ellen J. Langer is the author of eleven books, including the international bestseller

Mindfulness, which has been translated into fifteen languages, and Counterclockwise:

Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility. Most recently, she is the author of The

Mindful Body: Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health.

Langer is the recipient of, among other numerous awards and honors, a Guggenheim

Fellowship, the Award for Distinguished Contributions to Psychology in the Public

Interest from the American Psychological Association, the Award for Distinguished

Contributions of Basic Science to the Application of Psychology from the American

Association of Applied and Preventive Psychology, and the Adult Development and

Aging Distinguished Research Achievement Award from the American Psychological

Association.

She is the author of more than 200 research articles and her trailblazing experiments in

social psychology have earned her inclusion in The New York Times Magazine’s “Year

in Ideas” issue. A member of the psychology department at Harvard University and a

painter, she lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

In this episode we talk about:

• The power of placebos
• Why she isn’t a fan of positive thinking as it is talked about in new age circles
• Her version of mindfulness, which is quite different from the version we usually talk about here on the show, which comes out of Buddhism
• Psychological treatments for chronic illness 
• Smart strategies for reframing aging. 
• Why the world would be boring if you knew it all
• What she means by her concept of a “mindful utopia”
• And her favorite one liners 

Related Episodes:

• The Science Of Manifestation: Can This Stanford Neuroscientist Convince A Skeptical Dan To Give It A Shot? | Dr. James R. Doty
• How to Get the Wisdom of Old Age Now | Dilip Jeste 
• Tripping Out with a Legend: Jon Kabat-Zinn on Pain vs. Suffering, Rethinking Your Anxiety, and the Buddha's Teaching in a Single Sentence

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Start focused on what's truly important. When you pause to remember the big picture, your day can move forward grounded in integrity & wisdom.

About Alexis Santos:

Alexis has practiced and taught Insight Meditation in both the East and West since 2001. He has been a long-time student of Sayadaw U Tejaniya (a well respected meditation teacher in Burma whose teachings have attracted a global audience), and his teaching emphasizes knowing the mind through a natural and relaxed continuity -- a style of practice that's particularly useful during our crazy lives. Alexis has completed the Spirit Rock/IMS Teacher Training, teaches retreats across the globe, and currently lives in Portland, Maine.

To find this meditation in the Happier app, you can search for “Wake Up With Perspective.”

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Natasha Rothwell created, executive produced, and stars in the highly anticipated series How To Die Alone.

Natasha is best known for her Emmy Nominated performance in HBO’s The White Lotus and is set to reprise her role as Belinda Lindsey in the third season of the series currently in production.

She is also known for her critically acclaimed work as a series regular, writer, director, and producer on HBO’s Insecure, for which she has won a Peabody Award and received the 2022 NAACP Image Award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy.

Having previously written for Saturday Night Live, and after penning screenplays for Netflix, Paramount, and HBO Max— Natasha’s original screenplay Black Comic-Con was selected for the 2021 Sundance Screenwriters Lab.

Her genre-bending feature, along with several other projects, are in development at her production company, Big Hattie Productions—founded in 2020 to focus on creating, producing, and developing projects that champion marginalized voices in subversive ways.

In this episode we talk about:

• Being alone vs being lonely
• How she handles her own tendencies toward people-pleasing and burnout
• Working with doubt, faith and the venerable cliche of “trusting in the universe”
• Envy (and how it’s a partner to the scarcity mindset)
• Therapy
• Meditation
• Why she loves RomComs — and her issues with them 
• And we go Behind the scenes in a TV writer’s room — and why it’s even tougher when the character is you 

Related Episodes:

Kryptonite for the Inner Critic | Kristin Neff

Self-Compassion Ain't Always Soft | Kristin Neff 

Non-Negotiables Playlist

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Meditation retreats are the object of much intrigue and even suspicion. So today, we’re going to take you inside a 10-day silent meditation retreat that Dan recently did with his teacher, Joseph Goldstein. You’ll also hear from Senior Producer, Marissa Schneiderman, who was fresh off a retreat of her own, with meditation teachers Alexis Santos and Andrea Fella. 

In this episode we talk about:

• The ups and downs of retreats
• Some famous Buddhist listicles, including the five hindrances
• The importance of repetition
• We’ll hear snippets of Joseph answering Dan’s questions
• We find out what “cowboy dharma” is
• What it feels like to wear shit colored glasses
• How to stop getting caught in a mind trap
• And lastly, we listen to voicemails and answer audience questions! 

Related Episodes:

Joseph Goldstein On: How Not To Try Too Hard in Meditation, Why You Shouldn't "Waste Your Suffering," and the Value Of Seeing How Ridiculous You Are

#377. A More Relaxed Way to Meditate | Alexis Santos

Everything You Wanted To Know About Meditation Retreats But Were Afraid To Ask | Spring Washam (And Dan’s Close Friend, Zev Borow)

#327 Uprooting Your Delusions | Andrea Fella 

How to Take Risks (an Experimental Episode) | Marissa Schneiderman

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It’s so easy, especially these days, to numb out. To get bored. To move through life on autopilot. There is even a scientific term for this: habituation.

Today we’re talking to a researcher who co-authored a new book about the neuroscience of habit and how to wake up again. To make things exciting. Or as she says, to “re-sparkle”. 

Tali Sharot is a professor of cognitive neuroscience at University College London and MIT. She’s written several books including The Optimism Bias and The Influential Mind. Her latest, co-written with Cass Sunstein, is called Look Again: The Power of Noticing What Was Always There. 

In this episode we talk about:

• What habituation is and what’s going on in the brain when it happens
• How it negatively impacts the joy we feel in life – and inversely – how it can make us stop noticing the bad stuff
• Key strategies for disrupting habituation and introducing change and variety into your life
• The interesting relationship between creativity and people who habituate slowly
• How habituation impacts our relationships
• Why it’s important to break up the good experiences, but swallow the bad whole.
• How to wake up from a “technologically induced coma”
• How people emotionally habituate to dishonesty and lying
• And lastly, we talk about the dangers of habituating to a slow, incremental rise in tyranny – and how dis-habituation entrepreneurs can help

Related Episodes:

#345 How to Change Your Habits | Katy Milkman

How Turning Habits Into Rituals Can Help You At Home, At Work, And When You’re Anxious | Michael Norton

Making and Breaking Habits, Sanely | Kelly McGonigal

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Recorded live at the Omega Institute, Dan leads us through a loving-kindness meditation, followed by discussion with retreat co-leaders Jeff Warren and Sebene Selassie.

For more information on the next upcoming Meditation Party retreat, including scholarships available for BIPOC participants, visit Omega Institute. 

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We also talk about: whether it is possible to be a failed meditator; grief versus mourning; and meditation tips for parents.

Sebene Selassie is a writer, teacher, and speaker who leads meditation, creativity, and nature-based practices for personal & collective liberation. Using ancient wisdom and modern science mixed with her own relational and relatable style, Sebene helps spiritually curious people explore the profound and sacred truth of belonging. She is trained as a meditation teacher, an integral coach, a practitioner of Indigenous Focusing Oriented Therapy for Complex Trauma (IFOT), and is a licensed hiking guide in New York State. She has taught classes, workshops and retreats online and in person for almost fifteen years. Sebene is a devoted student of mystic traditions, including astrology, and writes the popular newsletter Ancestors to Elements. Her first book, You Belong: A Call for Connection, is published by HarperOne. 

Jeff Warren is a meditation instructor and writer, known for his dynamic and accessible style of teaching. He is the co-author of The New York Times best-selling Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics, founder of the nonprofit Consciousness Explorers Club, and co-host of the Mind Bod Adventure Pod. Jeff's Do Nothing Project streams for free every Sunday night on YouTube; his guided meditations reach millions of people through the Ten Percent Happier and Calm apps, as well as through his Substack, Home Base. 

Jeff’s mission is to empower people to care for their mental health, through the realistic, intelligent and sometimes irreverent exploration of meditation and personal growth practices. As someone with both ADHD and bipolar, he is big on destigmatizing mental health issues, and championing a neurodiverse outlook on life and practice.

Tascha Schumann is a Buddhist Lama, writer, visual artist, co-host of The Mind Bod Adventure Pod, and Juno-nominated recording artist whose work has been streamed many millions of times around the world.

Related Episodes:

How to Stay Calm No Matter What’s Happening | Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren

Meditation Party: The “Sh*t Is Fertilizer” Edition | Sebene Selassie & Jeff Warren

Meditation Party with Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren: Psychedelics, ADHD, Waking Up From Distraction, and Singing Without Being Self-Conscious

Meditation Party: Magic, Mystery, Intuition, Tattoos, and Non-Efforting | Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren

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In which Dan gets candid about a major life struggle, the practical takeaways, and a big new project.

In this episode:

• Dan shares news about what’s next for him
• His strategies and lessons from a big career change including how to deal with conflict, anger and insomnia
• What he's learned about the power of self-compassion, the value of failure and how to gain perspective when you need it most 

If you'd like to be a member of Dan's new community but a subscription isn't affordable for you, write to [email protected], and we'll hook you up, no questions asked.

Related Episodes:

Your Sleep Questions, Answered | Donn Posner

How To Sleep Better | Diane Macedo

Kryptonite for the Inner Critic | Kristin Neff

Check out all the offerings at DanHarris.com

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This Stanford psychologist has evidence that being a cynic is bad for your health, and offers a non-corny alternative. 

Dr. Jamil Zaki is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab. He’s the author of The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World, and his new book is called Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness.

In this episode we talk about:

• What cynicism is, and why it’s so appealing
• His own history as a “recovering cynic,”
• How to know if you yourself are a cynic
• A step-by-step guide to start developing the “hopeful skeptic” mindset
• How to get better at disagreeing with other people, including some rules of engagement
• And how to encourage kids not to become cynical

Related Episodes:

How (and Why) to Hack Your Empathy | Jamil Zaki

Reversing the Golden Rule | Jamil Zaki

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Recorded live at the Omega Institute, Jeff guides us through two different approaches to being attentive to our experience — followed by a discussion with Dan and Sebene.

About Jeff Warren:

Jeff makes meditation and practice accessible to diverse audiences in order to help people live more fulfilled and connected lives. He’s taught meditation to suspicious journalists, US Army cadets, burned-out caregivers, Arizona cops, formerly-incarcerated youth, virtuoso popstars, distractible teens, and every other conceivable demographic of freethinker, including squirmy six-year old kids.  He tries to do this in a way that’s rigorous and clear and adventurous. You can find out more about him at jeffwarren.org. 

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We all know that change is inevitable and impermanence is non-negotiable. But somehow it can feel surprising, maybe even wrong, when we personally hit turbulence. The Buddha had a lot to say about this, and so does our guest. 

Kaira Jewel Lingo is a Dharma teacher who has a lifelong interest in blending spirituality and meditation with social justice. Having grown up in an ecumenical Christian community where families practiced a new kind of monasticism and worked with the poor, at the age of twenty-five she entered a Buddhist monastery in the Plum Village tradition and spent fifteen years living as a nun under the guidance of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. She received Lamp Transmission from Thich Nhat Hanh and became a Zen teacher in 2007, and is also a teacher in the Vipassana Insight lineage through Spirit Rock Meditation Center. Today she sees her work as a continuation of the Engaged Buddhism developed by Thich Nhat Hanh as well as the work of her parents, inspired by their stories and her dad’s work with Martin Luther King Jr. on desegregating the South. 

In addition to writing We Were Made for These Times: Skilfully Moving through Change, Loss and Disruption, she is also the editor of Thich Nhat Hanh’s Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children. Now based in New York, she teaches and leads retreats internationally, provides spiritual mentoring, and interweaves art, play, nature, racial and earth justice, and embodied mindfulness practice in her teaching. She especially feels called to share the Dharma with Black, Indigenous, and People of Color, as well as activists, educators, youth, artists, and families. Her newest book, co-written with Marisela B. Gomez and Valerie Brown, is  Healing Our Way Home: Black Buddhist Teachings on Ancestors, Joy, and Liberation.

In this episode we talk about:

• waking up to what’s happening right now
• trusting the unknown (easier said than done) 
• A Buddhist list called the five remembrances 
• how gratitude helps us in times of disruption
• And accepting what is (and why this is different from resignation or passivity)

Please note: There are brief mentions of domestic violence, abuse, the suffering of refugees, and war in this episode.

Related Episodes:

3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo

How to Keep Your Relationships On the Rails | Kaira Jewel Lingo

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Cognitive scientist Maya Shankar talks about how to get comfortable with uncertainty in an ever-changing world. 

It seems like a design flaw in our species that we live in a world of constant change yet most of us are not comfortable with uncertainty. 

In this episode, we talk to Maya Shankar about how to get better at dealing with change and to stop seeking what scientists call “cognitive closure.”

Shankar is a former Senior Advisor in the Obama White House, where she founded and served as Chair of the White House Behavioral Science Team. She also served as the first Behavioral Science Advisor to the United Nations, and is currently a Senior Director of Behavioral Economics at Google. She is the host of the Pushkin Industries podcast A Slight Change of Plans, which was named Best Show of the Year in 2021 by Apple. 

In this episode we talk about: 

• Why humans are so uncomfortable with uncertainty and change
• What a behavioral scientist actually does in the world
• Why even the host of a podcast about change isn’t immune to the uncertainties of life 
• The benefits of cultivating a more malleable sense of self
• Why humans are such bad forecasters
• The importance of auditing yourself when you’re undergoing a big change
• How to take advantage of big reset moments
• The concept of cognitive closure and why encouraging an open mind can make us more resilient  

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/maya-shankar-466

Where to find Maya Shankar online: 

Website: mayashankar.com

Social Media:

• Twitter 
• Facebook
• Instagram

Books Mentioned:

• The Language Instinct: How the Mind Creates Language 
• Nudge: Improving Decisions about Health, Wealth, and Happiness
• Stumbling on Happiness

Additional Resources:

Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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This is the first time you’ve ever been here, now. Pascal invites you to discover the vivid and mysterious experience of this new moment.

About Pascal Auclair:

Pascal Auclair has been immersed in Buddhist practice and study since 1997, sitting retreats in Asia and America with revered monastics and lay teachers. He has been mentored by Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield at the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Massachusetts and Spirit Rock Meditation Center in California, where he is now enjoying teaching retreats. Pascal teaches in North America and in Europe. He is a co-founder of True North Insight and one of TNI’s Guiding Teachers.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Rediscover the Familiar.”

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Cultivating resilience in the face of whatever comes up.

Ethan Nichtern is the author of Confidence: Holding Your Seat through Life’s Eight Worldly Winds and several other titles, including the widely acclaimed The Road Home: A Contemporary Exploration of the Buddhist Path. A renowned contemporary Buddhist teacher and the host of The Road Home Podcast, Nichtern has offered meditation and Buddhist psychology classes at conferences, meditation centers, yoga studios, and universities, including Brown, Yale, and NYU. He has been featured by CNN, NPR, the New York Times, Vogue, and Business Insider and has written for the Huffington Post, Beliefnet, Lion’s Roar, Tricycle, Buddhadharma, and more. He lives in Brooklyn. Visit him online at http://www.EthanNichtern.com.

In this episode we talk about:

• Authentic vs performative confidence
• The line between humility and confidence
• A Buddhist list called the Eight Worldly Winds
• A slew of little practices you can do in order to boost your confidence (or resilience or equanimity)
• The meaning of self-confidence in a tradition that argues the self is an illusion

Related Episodes:

• A Buddhist Approach to Money Worries | Ethan Nichtern
• The Dharma of the Princess Bride | Ethan Nichtern
• How To Get Ahead At Work, Buddhist-Style | David Nichtern
• #574. Do You Feel Like an Imposter? | Dr. Valerie Young (Co-Interviewed by Dan's Wife, Bianca!)

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Smart and practical strategies for living, in Maria's words, wonder-smitten by reality.

Maria Popova thinks and writes about our search for meaning — sometimes through science and philosophy, sometimes through poetry and children's books, always through the lens of wonder. She is the creator of The Marginalian (born in 2006 under the name Brain Pickings), which is included in the Library of Congress permanent digital archive of culturally valuable materials, author of Figuring, and maker of the live show The Universe in Verse — a charitable celebration of the wonder of reality through stories of science winged with poetry, which is now also a book.

In this episode we talk about:

• Wonder as a tool for improving all of your relationships
• The tyranny of the word should
• How the hardest thing in life is not getting what you want, it's knowing what you want
• Why she doesn't believe in making meditation a tool, even though she's been practicing for 14 years
• The illusion of certainty
• The immense value of intellectual humility
• Strategies for outgrowing your old habits
• Her new book, The Universe in Verse, which is a combination of science and poetry

From The Marginalian: How to Love the World More: George Saunders on the Courage of Uncertainty

Related Episodes:

• Bill Hader on Anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, and Leaning Intro Discomfort
• The Science Of Getting Out Of Your Head | Annie Murphy Paul
• George Saunders on: “Holy Befuddlement” and How to Be Less of a “Turd”
• The Profound Upside of Self-Diminishment | George Saunders
• A Radical Approach to Productivity, Self-Compassion Series | Jocelyn K. Glei

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A busy city is an ideal place to cultivate loving-kindness and powerfully connect to those around you while you’re out & about.

About Jay Michaelson:

Jay Michaelson is a writer & journalist, rabbi & meditation teacher, keynote speaker, and scholar of religion. Jay is the author of ten books, most recently The Secret That Is Not A Secret: Ten Heretical Tales. His 2022 book, The Heresy of Jacob Frank: From Jewish Messianism to Esoteric Myth, won the National Jewish Book Award for scholarship. He holds a JD from Yale, a PhD in Jewish Thought from Hebrew University, and nondenominational rabbinic ordination.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Loving-Kindness in the City.”

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There’s a great podcast we want to introduce you to today, hosted by our friend Rachel Martin at NPR. It’s her new show, called Wild Card, which she describes as “part-interview, part-existential game show.” It’s a different way of approaching a celebrity interview, with a special deck of cards that helps shape the conversation. It’s a really fun show, and she talks to some really big names, including David Lynch, LeVar Burton, Issa Rae, and US Poet Laureate Ada Limon. 

Rachel was also a guest on this very podcast recently, and we had a great conversation and even played a little bit of the card game, so go back in your podcast feed and check that out. You can also listen to it here. 

The Wild Card episode we’re sharing with you today features Taylor Tomlinson, who has found the kind of success many comedians dream about, with multiple Netflix specials and a late-night hosting gig — After Midnight on CBS. She tells Rachel that part of the secret to her success is fear. They also swap stories about their Christian upbringings, the search for validation and getting things stuck up their noses.

So enjoy this episode, and check out Wild Card wherever you find your podcasts. 

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The radio stalwart addresses life’s biggest questions.

Rachel Martin is the co-creator and host of the podcast Wild Card, an interview game show about life's biggest questions. She invites notable guests to play a card game that lets them open up about the memories, insights, and beliefs that have shaped their lives.

Martin spent six years as a host of Morning Edition, and was the founding host of NPR's award-winning morning news podcast Up First. She previously hosted Weekend Edition Sunday. She served as National Security Correspondent for NPR, where she covered both defense and intelligence issues, and also worked as a NPR foreign correspondent. Martin also previously served as NPR's religion correspondent. 

In this episode we talk about:

• How to survive the news
• How to make a huge career pivot
• What it’s like to become an orphan as an adult
• Insomnia and meditation
• How to decide what matters in your life
• We play the game Wild Card!
• We talk about how good we are at being wrong
• And lastly, something light… mortality and the infinite universe.

Related Episodes:

3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo

How To Find Meaningful Work in a Rapidly Changing World | Bruce Feiler

Why We Panic: A Journalist Investigates Anxiety, Fear, and How To Deal With It | Matt Gutman

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Lessons learned from the psychiatric hospital

We’ve got a fascinating and very personal discussion today about the often very painful gap between the way you feel on the inside and the way the world perceives you. We also cover the urgency and difficulty of sitting with your own discomfort. 

Anna Marie Tendler is an artist and writer. She is also the author of a new memoir called ‘Men Have Called Her Crazy’. 

In this episode we talk about:

• The circumstances of her checking into a psychiatric hospital in 2021
• The difference between our interior emotions and our exterior selves
• The help she found through Dialectical Behavior Therapy – DBT
• We dive into a very specific theme of the book – and its title – the insidious ways in which men have impacted her life. 
• And lastly, how she found a way to sit with discomfort and pain, while showing up in the world authentically to herself.

Related Episodes:

#510. Me, a Love Story: How Being OK With Yourself Makes You Better at Everything | Sharon Salzberg

The Science Of Speaking Up For Yourself | Elaine Lin Hering (Co-interviewed by Dan's wife Bianca!)

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Dan dweebs out with a dad rock icon.

Jeff Tweedy is the lead singer and songwriter of the Grammy award winning rock band, Wilco. The band have put out 13 albums… and shortly after this interview was conducted, the band put out a new EP. Jeff has released two solo albums and has written three books, including his latest, which is called World Within A Song: Music That Changed My Life And Life That Changed My Music.

This interview is part of an occasional series we do called Boldface, where we talk to well known people who are willing to go there. We’ve already dropped two Boldface episodes this week: the rapper and author Common and the actress, activist and author Goldie Hawn.

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Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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This multi-hyphenate opens up about his four pillars of health and success

Common is an Oscar, Golden Globe, Emmy, and Grammy Award–winning music artist. He is an actor and producer, and has appeared in numerous critically acclaimed films, as well as hit TV series. He is the author of One Day It’ll All Make Sense and Let Love Have the Last Word, which were both New York Times bestsellers. He was raised in Chicago and currently resides in Brooklyn.

In this episode we talk about:

• Common’s relationship with self esteem growing up, and where he eventually found his own self worth.
• What it’s like dealing with rejection as an artist
• His book ‘And Then We Rise’
• The four different wellness pillars in his book; food, the body, the mind, and the soul
• The positive impact that therapy has had on his life
• What his meditation practice looks like
• The evolution of vulnerability in hip hop
• The evolution of vulnerability in his life
• And his relationship with spirituality

Related Episodes:

Rewire How You Talk To Yourself | Ofosu Jones-Quartey

#597. Mike D On: The Value of Failure, the Addictive Power of Adrenaline, and How a Beastie Boy Got Into Lovingkindness

#311 Karamo: How To Actually Do Self-Love

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Don’t be fooled by the bubbly public persona.

Goldie Hawn is an Academy Award winning actress, producer, director, and best-selling author. She’s written two best-selling books, a memoir called A Lotus Grows in the Mud and then, more recently, 10 Mindful Minutes, which is for kids and parents. She is also the Founder of MindUP, a charity that equips children with mental fitness.

In this episode we talk about:

• How she got interested in meditation — a story that, like Dan’s, involves panic attacks
• The power of curiosity 
• What she means when she talks about God
• What it means to take a “brain break”
• Why jealousy has never really been part of her repertoire
• And how to make a romantic relationship last.

Related Episodes:

How To Live A Happier Life | The Dalai Lama & Dr. Richard Davidson

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Our inner critics are sticky and painful. Practice radical kindness and self-compassion to reprogram harmful self-talk habits.

About La Sarmiento:

La Sarmiento (they/them) is a mentor for the MIndfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program (MMTCP) and a teacher with Banyan. They have taught meditation retreats for BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, Teens, and Young Adults, and everyone in-between around the United States since 2010 and are a 2012 graduate of the Spirit Rock Community Dharma Leader Training. 

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “When Your Inner Critic Is Unrelenting.”

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A personal program for working with election-induced anxiety.

We’re dropping a special/experimental pod today, because we know a lot of you are freaking out about the election — so Dan’s going to talk through some strategies he is personally using to keep it together during this turbulent time. 

Additional Resources: 

Podcast episode with Bill Doherty (Braver Angels)

Feedback form: let us know what you think!

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Cara Lai has worked as an artist, wilderness guide, social worker, and therapist before becoming a full time meditation teacher. She teaches teens and adults at Spirit Rock, Insight Meditation Society, and Ten Percent Happier.

To find out more about what Cara does, you can go to her website, www.caralai.org – where she’s got some online meditation classes, including one called Meditate Your Face Off. She also has a monthly class for parents, co-led by Ofosu Jones-Quartey and Jess Morey, both of whom have been heard on this podcast.

Speaking of podcasts, Cara also co-hosts a podcast called Adventures in Meditating (For Parents), along with Jess Morey and Jon Roberts.

Cara will also be a core teacher for a 14-week residential semester program for youth ages 18-32 this Fall in Marlboro VT. The program is called the Contemplative Semester, and there are many folks who will be teaching who have been in the TPH orbit, including Joseph Goldstein, Sharon Salzberg, Jessica Morey, Kaira Jewel Lingo, and more. You can find more info at www.contemplativesemester.org

Related Episodes:

The Upside of Desire | Cara Lai 

Can You Get Fit Without Self-Loathing? | Cara Lai 

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A Harvard professor on how to elevate everyday activities in order to lift your mood, improve your relationships and rise to new challenges.

Michael Norton is the Harold M. Brierley Professor of Business Administration at the Harvard Business School. He has studied human behavior as it relates to love and inequality, time and money, and happiness and grief. He is the author of The Ritual Effect: From Habit to Ritual, Harness the Surprising Power of Everyday Actions. 

In this episode we talk about: 

• The difference between habits and rituals
• How rituals impact various spheres of life, including creativity, grief and politics - and how not all rituals are beneficial 
• how to transform your everyday activities into rituals and how they can inject meaning into your life and give a boost to your relationships
• How to introduce rituals into your workplace without falling back on cliché (like trust falls)

Related Episodes:

What Science Says About Money and Happiness | Elizabeth Dunn — Ten Percent Happier 

How to Benefit From Religion, Even as a Nonbeliever | David DeSteno — Ten Percent Happier

How to Change Your Habits | Katy Milkman — Ten Percent Happier   

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When you’re spiraling with intense emotions, here’s a practice to help pick you up off the bathroom floor. 

About Sebene Selassie:

Growing up, Sebene felt like a big weirdo. Born in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and raised in white neighborhoods in Washington, D.C., she was a tomboy Black girl who loved Monty Python and UB40. She never believed she belonged. Thirty years ago, she began studying Buddhism as an undergraduate at McGill University where she majored in Comparative Religious Studies. Now, Sebene is a teacher, author, and speaker who teaches that meditation can help us remember our inherent sense of belonging, that our individual freedom affects absolutely everyone and everything, and that our collective freedom depends on each and every one of us. Sebene is a three-time cancer survivor of Stage III and IV cancer.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Meltdown.”

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The two practices that helped turn this self described scowling, sarcastic skeptic into an expert meditator

Since 1999, Devin Berry has been a dedicated meditation practitioner, his practice is deeply rooted in the metta and vipassana teachings of the Insight Meditation tradition. He spent nearly five years in silent, intensive retreats, cultivating his practice and understanding. Devin is deeply committed to the personal and collective liberation of marginalized communities, believing that integrating reflection and insight leads to clarity and wisdom, which in turn fosters wise action.

Devin is a dharma teacher at Spirit Rock and the Insight Meditation Society (IMS), where he serves as a guiding teacher. He also shares his teachings through Sounds True and at various sanghas and centers across the country.

In this episode we talk about:

• Why mindfulness alone is not enough
• How metta is part of four related mental skills, called the brahma viharas—and how to practice those
• The story of how and why the Buddha invented the Metta practice.
• The role and practice of Dana – generosity.
• Devin’s year long Metta/Dana experiment 
• And lastly, how these practices can help us on and off the cushion

Related Episodes:

Sharon Salzberg Takes on the Cliches: Authenticity, Love, and Being Your Own BFF

Mike D On: The Value of Failure, the Addictive Power of Adrenaline, and How a Beastie Boy Got Into Lovingkindness

Everything You Wanted To Know About Meditation Retreats But Were Afraid To Ask | Spring Washam (And Dan’s Close Friend, Zev Borow)

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Our guest today is James R. Doty, a neurosurgeon who has just written a whole book about the science of manifestation – although, as you’ll hear him admit, there’s very little ‘magic’ involved in his process. 

James R. Doty, M.D. is a Stanford neurosurgeon, neuroscientist, compassion researcher, inventor, entrepreneur, author and philanthropist. He’s the founder and director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE) at Stanford University. 

In this episode we talk about:

• Doty’s six steps to manifest
• His very interesting backstory
• The art and science of intention setting and the role of our neural pathways.
• How caring can ignite our Parasympathetic nervous system, which in turn can help us manifest better
• Practical tips for embedding an intention into our subconscious.
• The keys to understanding what we want vs. what we need
• And how to ‘alert the bloodhound’ to harness the full power of your mind

Related Episodes:

• #388. The Science of Training Your Attention | Dr. Amishi Jha
• The Art and Science of Compassion: Thupten Jinpa
• #425. Compassion Is the Ultimate Tool for the Truly Ambitious | Paul Gilbert

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Watching things come and go helps weaken obsessive cravings both in meditation and in our lives.

About Joseph Goldstein:

Joseph is one of the most respected meditation teachers in the world -- a key architect of the rise of mindfulness in our modern society -- with a sense of humor to boot. In the 1970's, he co-founded the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) alongside Sharon Salzberg and Jack Kornfield. Since its founding, thousands of people from around the world have come to IMS to learn mindfulness from leaders in the field. Joseph has been a teacher there since its founding and continues as the resident guiding teacher.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Going Deeper: Seeing Change.”

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We're introducing you to the Ted Talks Daily podcast, with an episode featuring our own Dan Harris. Here's his TED Talk, "The Benefits Of Not Being A Jerk To Yourself."

After over two decades as an anchor for ABC News, an on-air panic attack sent Dan Harris's life in a new direction: he became a dedicated meditator and, to some, even a guru. But then an anonymous survey of his family, friends and colleagues turned up some brutal feedback -- he was still kind of a jerk. In a wise, funny talk, he shares his years-long quest to improve his relationships with everyone (starting with himself) and explains the science behind loving-kindness meditation, and how it can boost your resiliency, quiet your inner critic and simply make you more pleasant to be around.

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Loch Kelly is an author, psychotherapist, and nondual meditation teacher. Loch has Master’s Degrees from both Columbia University and Union Theological Seminary. He has his own app, called Mindful Glimpses. Loch is also a very popular teacher on the Waking Up app, run by friend of show, Sam Harris.

Free 30 days of the Waking Up meditation app: https://www.wakingup.com/tenpercent 

Free training and guided meditation pack from Loch Kelly: https://lochkelly.org/cycle-of-dissatisfaction 

Related Episodes:

Sam Harris on: Vipassana vs. Dzogchen, Looking for the Looker, and Psychic Powers

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Full Shownotes: https://wwwdww.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/loch-kelly

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A neuroscientist’s strategies to help you remember what really matters, and how mood, multitasking and other people can impact our memories

Charan Ranganath is a professor at the Center for Neuroscience and Department of Psychology and director of the Dynamic Memory Lab at the University of California at Davis.  He is the author of the New York Times bestselling book Why We Remember: Unlocking Memory’s Power to Hold on to What Matters. 

In this episode we talk about:

• The different kinds of memory that help us function day to day
• The impact mood has on memories - not just making them, but recalling them
• Why forgetting is not only useful but essential - even if it doesn’t always feel like it
• Practical tips to help us remember better, including distinctiveness, meaning & organization, planting cues, and chunking
• Why making errors is actually one of the best things you can do for learning and memory 

Related Episodes:

How To Prevent Dementia | Lisa Genova — Ten Percent Happier

How to Actually Be Present | Matthew Brensilver — Ten Percent Happier  

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/charan-ranganath/

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Strengthen your ability to know the difference between fact and fiction by using sound to harness a foundational anxiety-taming skill.

About Leslie Booker:

Booker brings her heart and wisdom to the intersection of Dharma, Embodied Wisdom, and Liberation. Using this framework, she supports folks in creating a culture of belonging through her teaching and writing on changing the paradigm of self and community care. She shares her offering widely as a university lecturer, public speaker, and Buddhist philosophy and meditation teacher. She currently lives in Philadelphia with her partner and pup and is the Co-Guiding Teacher of New York Insight.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Return to Reality.”

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Reverend Benjamin Perry, is the author of Cry, Baby: Why Our Tears Matter. He’s the editorial director at Garrett Seminary, Consulting Minister for Public Theology at Middle Church, and editor of the Queer Faith photojournalism series. He has a masters in divinity from Union Theological Seminary. 

In this episode we talk about:

• Why Doty got interested in this subject, and the rather extraordinary exercise he put himself through
• The gender differences on this issue
• How vulnerability can be misused or weaponized
• The issue of interpersonal relationships when it comes to tears (Bianca and Dan delve into this in regards to their relationship)
• How we replay childhood patterns in grownup relationships
• The deep connection between crying and shame
• The messages we share with our children about crying
• How we can reconnect to the emotional parts of ourselves

Related Episodes:

• #361 Why Men Armor Up | Daniel Ellenberg
• #441. A Thing Most Men Won't Talk About
• Vulnerability: The Key to Courage | Brene Brown
• The Science Of Speaking Up For Yourself | Elaine Lin Hering (Co-interviewed by Dan's wife Bianca!)

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/benjamin-perry

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Learning how to thrive with enough.

Michael Easter is the New York Times bestselling author of Scarcity Brain and The Comfort Crisis. He travels the world to uncover practical ideas that help people live healthier, happier, and more remarkable lives. His ideas have been adopted by institutions ranging from the military to professional sports teams to Fortune 500 companies. He also shares his ideas on his popular newsletter, 2% with Michael Easter. 

In this episode we talk about:

• The evolutionary roots of overconsumption
• The challenges of having an ancient brains in a modern world
• The Scarcity mindset vs. the abundance mindset
• Understanding what Michael calls the “scarcity loop” – and how to apply it to daily life
• Tactical ways to work with habits and cravings 
• Understanding the scarcity loop, how it hooks us, and then how you can unhook using that same loop
• And How’s Michael’s life changed after researching this book
• Toward the end, we talk about Michael’s previous book, the comfort crisis—and some Practical steps for embracing discomfort

Related Episodes:

• The Anti-Diet | Evelyn Tribole
• Abby Wambach On: Grief, Addiction, And Moving From External To Internal Validation
• Glennon Doyle is Rethinking Her Relationship to Social Media, Hustle Culture, Intuition, Her Body, and Her Parents

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/michael-easter

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Learn to connect with the true home of strength, wisdom, and clarity inside of yourself, a place of safety that no one can take away.

About Kaira Jewel Lingo:

At the age of twenty-five, Kaira Jewel Lingo entered a Buddhist monastery in the Plum Village tradition and spent fifteen years living as a nun under the guidance of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. Now based in New York, she sees her work as a continuation of Engaged Buddhism as well as the work of her parents, inspired by their stories and her dad’s work with Martin Luther King Jr. on desegregating the South. The author of We Were Made for These Times: Ten Lessons on Moving through Change, Loss and Disruption, Kaira Jewel especially feels called to share mindfulness and meditation with Black, Indigenous, and People of Color, as well as activists, educators, youth, artists, and families.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Deeply Accepting Yourself.”

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On hitting Rock Bottom, de-armoring, and worthiness.

Jada Pinkett Smith is a multifaceted artist whose career spans over 30 years. Raised in Baltimore, she studied dance and theater at the Baltimore School for the Arts before moving to Los Angeles to pursue acting. Her breakthrough came in with the NBC series A Different World, followed by her first feature film, Menace II Society. From there, Pinkett Smith became a global star, appearing in numerous films like The Nutty Professor, Set It Off, The Matrix franchise and the comedic hit Girls Trip.

In addition to her acting work, Pinkett Smith has also executive produced projects such as Karate Kid, Free Angela and All Political Prisoners, The Queen Latifah Show, Red Table Talk, Red Table Talk: The Estefans, as well as Queen Cleopatra and Queen Njinga for Netflix. She expanded her skills further as the host of the Emmy award-winning talk show, Red Table Talk, where she engages in multigenerational discussions about social and cultural issues with her daughter, Willow Smith, and mother, Adrienne Banfield-Norris. She is now heading out on a worldwide book tour to promote her memoir, Worthy (a NYT Bestseller).

Related Episodes:

Non-Negotiables Playlist

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/jada

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The Queen of Drag discusses his new memoir, The House of Hidden Meanings, and makes Dan play an R-rated game.

RuPaul Charles became famous in 1993 with the song “Supermodel.” Since then, he’s put out 18 albums, he’s been in more than 50 films and TV shows, including his global hit, “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” He’s put out four books, including his latest, the number one New York Times best seller The House of Hidden Meanings. He’s won fourteen Primetime Emmy Awards, and he won a Tony in 2022 for producing the Broadway show A Strange Loop. 

In this episode we talk about:

• His daily spiritual practices
• Talking to his inner child
• The challenging family he grew up in
• His incredible business idea for a daytime disco for the over-40 set
• His definition of wealth, and why he says he’s always been rich, even when he had no money
• And he ropes Dan into a game of Dirty Charades – which gets a little spicy, so heads-up if you’re listening with kids around or have sensitive ears

Other resources mentioned: 

• RuPaul’s Allstora book shop and book club
• Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Dr. Susan Forward with Craig Buck

Related Episodes:

A Star, Utterly Unguarded | Brett Eldredge

How to Deal With Emotionally Immature People (Including Maybe Your Own Parents) | Lindsay C. Gibson

There’s No Part Of Your Life You Can’t Make More Awesome | Jeff Warren

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/rupaul-2024

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Plus her definition of the oft-dismissed yet game-changing notion of self-love.

We caught up with Abby Wambach at a really interesting time. She’s experiencing grief, for reasons we’ll let her explain. And for the first time in her life, she’s grieving while sober—which, in itself, is an interesting story, which she will also tell.

As you know, we only talk to famous people on this show if they’re willing to really go deep. And it’s why we call this recurring series Boldface. And Abby is bolder than most.

We also talk about: moving from external to internal validation, her definition of self-love (a concept in which Dan have a lot of interest, because it’s both cheesy and life-changing), the one question that changed her life, how every experience can turn into something positive, and on a related note, why getting arrested for drunk driving was one of the best things that ever happened to her.

Abby Wambach is a two-time Olympic gold medalist, FIFA World Cup Champion, and six-time winner of the U.S. Soccer Athlete of the Year award. She is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Wolfpack. And, together with her wife Glennon Doyle and sister Amanda Doyle, co-hosts the award-winning, critically acclaimed We Can Do Hard Things podcast. 

Related Episodes:

• Doing "The Work," Byron Katie
• Glennon Doyle is Rethinking Her Relationship to Social Media, Hustle Culture, Intuition, Her Body, and Her Parents

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When the world feels like a dumpster fire, it helps to remember that your contributions to improve things matter—even the small ones.

About Matthew Hepburn:

Matthew is a meditation and dharma teacher with more than a decade of teaching experience and a passion for getting real about what it means to live well. He emphasizes humor, technique, and authentic kindness as a means to free the mind up from unnecessary struggle and leave a healthier impact on the world. Beyond Ten Percent Happier, Matthew has taught in prisons, schools, corporate events and continues to teach across North America in Buddhist centers offering intensive silent retreats and dharma for urban daily life. 

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Celebrate Small Wins.”

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Emotionally immature people can wreck your life. One of our most popular guests returns to teach you how to make sure they don't.

Description: 

Our relationships are the most important variable in our health and happiness, but they may also be the most difficult. This is especially true when those closest to us turn out to be emotionally immature people.

Lindsay C. Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author who specializes in helping people identify and deal with emotionally immature people, or EIP’s. Her first appearance on our show was one of our most popular episodes of 2022. Now she’s back to offer concrete strategies for handling the EIP’s in your life, wherever you may find them. Her new book is called Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People.

In this episode we talk about:

• A primer on the cardinal characteristics of emotionally immature people (EIP’s), how to spot them, and why you might want to
• What Lindsay means by “disentangling” from EIP’s, and how to do it
• What often happens to your own sense of self when you’re in relationship (or even just in conversation) with an EIP 
• How to interact with an EIP 
• How to prevent brain scramble when you’re talking with someone who isn’t making any attempt to understand what you’re saying  
• How she reacts when she comes across EIP’s in her everyday life
• Whether it’s possible to have some immature characteristics without being an EIP
• Handling your own emotionally immature tendencies  
• Whether or not EIP’s can change
• The limits of estrangement
• Why she encourages “alternatives to forgiveness”

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/lindsay-gibson-791

Book Mentioned:

• Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People

Other Resources Mentioned:

• Lindsay’s first appearance on the Ten Percent Happier Podcast

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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Today’s guest, Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, gives advice for dealing with emotionally immature people— whether they are your parents, boss, spouse or childhood friend, she offers practical tools to help navigate these difficult relationships. 

Description: 

Emotionally immature people (EIP’s) are hard to avoid and most of us, if not all of us, have to deal with them at some point in our lives. These interactions can range from mildly annoying to genuinely traumatic, especially if the emotionally immature people in question are our own parents, which is true for an awful lot of us.

Today’s guest, clinical psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson, gives advice for dealing with emotionally immature people, whether they’re your parents or not. She has written a sleeper hit book on the subject called, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents. 

In this episode we talk about:

• The signs of emotional immaturity
• Whether or not I’m emotionally immature
• What happens to children who are raised by emotionally immature parents, including their signature coping strategies
• Why adult children of EIP’s turn to healing fantasies, and how to let them go
• How to cope with emotionally immature parents as an adult
• What role compassion should and should not play in your relationship with EIP’s
• How to heal

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/lindsay-gibson-2022-rerun

Books Mentioned:

• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
• Who You Were Meant to Be: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Life's Purpose
• Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy
• Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidence
• Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People: Avoid Emotional Traps, Stand Up for Your Self, and Transform Your Relationships as an Adult Child of Emotionally Immature Parents 

Other Resources Mentioned:

• Lisa Feldman Barrett

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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To find some mental stability, start with physical stability.

About Oren Jay Sofer:

Oren Jay Sofer teaches mindfulness, meditation and Nonviolent Communication. He has practiced meditation since 1997, beginning his studies in Bodh Gaya, India and is a long-time student of Joseph Goldstein, Michele McDonald, and Ajahn Sucitto, and is a graduate of the IMS/Spirit Rock Teacher Training program. Oren teaches retreats across the country and works as Senior Program Developer at Mindful Schools, teaching and developing curricula for one of the international leaders of mindfulness in education.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Ground Hope In Your Body.”

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A self-described “silly man” tells us about what’s really important in life. 

Ted Danson has an acting career spanning over four decades. He rose to prominence in the 1980s with his iconic portrayal of Sam Malone in the long-running sitcom "Cheers," earning him critical acclaim and multiple awards. Danson's charisma and acting prowess have since led him to a myriad of diverse roles, including his Emmy-nominated performances in "Damages" and "Fargo." Most recently, he starred in the existential comedy “The Good Place.” Beyond his acting career, Danson is also celebrated for his environmental activism and philanthropy, demonstrating a commitment to making a positive impact beyond the screen. His next venture? A podcast with his old “Cheers” buddy, Woody Harrelson.

In this episode we talk about:

• meditation
• marriage
• hypochondria
• grief
• what he means when he calls himself a joy junkie
• what he learned from being on the TV show “The Good Place”
• and that time he did shrooms with his fellow cast members on “Cheers”

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/ted-danson

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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Practical tips to stop judging yourself, chill out about exercise, and start taking better care of your body – from a Buddhist teacher who learned the hard way.

Description: 

It’s an urgent question for so many of us: Can we exercise, can we take care of our bodies, without being driven by shame, self-loathing, or noxious comparison to other people?

Our guest today has a unique perspective on this. Cara Lai is a former social worker and psychotherapist who is now a Buddhist teacher. She also used to be a marathoner. But in the last few years, her body has undergone some radical changes, leading her to some hard-won, fascinating, and deeply useful insights about how to strike the balance between taking care of your body and staying sane.

In this episode we talk about:

• Practices for that moment when you’re getting out of the shower, see yourself in the mirror, and engage in a festival of self-judgment
• The surprising things that happened when Cara was forced to stop exercising
• A counterintuitive mindfulness practice suggestion for those with exercise routines
• When and why you should purposely do things you know are bad for you
• Why we often resist ‘being in our bodies,’ why that’s OK, and how to lower the bar on this contemplative cliché–without giving it up
• A body-related Buddhist practice she finds to be totally not useful

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/cara-lai-787

Other Resources Mentioned:

The Upside of Desire | Cara Lai

The Anti-Diet | Evelyn Tribole

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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What if one of the often overlooked keys to being productive is being lazy? That’s the case you will hear made today by Brother Pháp Hữu, a very impressive young zen Buddhist monk.

Brother Pháp Hữu is a senior Dharma teacher in Thich Nhat Hanh’s International Plum Village Community and abbot of Upper Hamlet, the monks’ community in Plum Village Monastery, a practice center founded by Thich Nhat Hanh in southwest France. Born in Vietnam, he emigrated to Canada as a child. He began training with Thich Nhat Hanh at the age of thirteen when he first entered the monastery to become a monk. Thich Nhat Hanh gave him the name Chân Pháp Hữu, which means “True Dharma Friend.” For more than ten years, he accompanied Thich Nhat Hanh on his international teaching tours as his attendant and assistant. Today, Brother Pháp Hữu is deeply committed to building community and continuing Thich Nhat Hanh’s legacy, bringing his teachings in particular to businesspeople, families, and young adults. Brother Phap Huu is passionate about basketball, music, and developing new approaches to teamwork, leadership, mentoring and coaching, and is a beloved co-host—with journalist, leadership coach, and workshop facilitator Jo Confino--of the Plum Village podcast, The Way Out is In.

In this episode we talk about:

• The origin and purpose of something called Lazy Day
• What doing nothing looks like in practicality
• Why doing nothing is so hard for people
• How you can integrate the wisdom of lazy days into your life, even if you can’t carve out a whole day
• How laziness in and of itself can be productive and how it allows for a re-examination of our own happiness.
• And The geopolitical case for being vs. doing

Related Episodes:

• The Buddha’s 8-Part Manual for a Good Life | Brother Pháp Dung
• How to Suffer Well | Brother Pháp Dung
• This Episode Will Make You Stronger | Sister Dang Nghiem
• Six Buddhist Strategies for Getting Along Better with Everyone | Sister True Dedication
• 3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• A Buddhist Recipe for Handling Turmoil | Kaira Jewel Lingo

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• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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While we may want to conquer physical pain, it’s actually observing the sensations and knowing when to take a break that’s the key to relief.

About Sharon Salzberg:

Sharon Salzberg is a meditation pioneer, world-renowned teacher, and New York Times bestselling author. She is among the first to bring mindfulness & lovingkindness meditation to mainstream American culture fifty years ago, inspiring generations of meditation teachers and wellness influencers.

A co-founder of The Insight Meditation Society in Barre, MA, Sharon is the author of thirteen books, including the New York Times bestseller, Real Happiness, now in its second edition, and her seminal work, Lovingkindess.

In 2023, Sharon released two new books: Real Life, available from Flatiron Books, and Finding Your Way, a small gift book from Workman.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “When Your Body Hurts.”

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On this show, we talk a lot about ways to stop the interpersonal and intrapersonal violence of obsessing about thinness. Today’s episode, though, is a bit of a departure… because this whole dynamic and debate has been deeply disrupted by the advent of Ozempic and other new weight loss drugs, which are technically called GLP1s. This is a controversial and touchy subject, to say the least. 

Journalist and best-selling author Johann Hari discusses his latest book Magic Pill: The Extraordinary Benefits and Disturbing Risks of the New Weight-Loss Drugs. He believes drugs like Ozempic are the equivalent of the invention of the iPhone – and will impact all of our lives, whether we like it or not, and whether we take them or not. And in Magic Pill, Hari – who somewhat ambivalently takes Ozempic himself – marinates in the complexity of all of this. 

This is Hari’s third time on the show. He has come on before to discuss his books on distraction and depression—entitled Stolen Focus and Lost Connections.

This is the latest episode of our Get Fit Sanely series. This is the third time we’ve done Get Fit Sanely, and in this go-round, we’ll be covering longevity, exercise, and the Buddhist case for laziness. 

Related Episodes:

Get Fit Sanely Playlist

Why You Can't Pay Attention - And How to Think About It | Johann Hari

Fighting Depression with Social Connection | Johann Hari

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Five takeaways from a year's reporting on fitness, and why this journalist says it's time to go easier on yourself.

Shannon Palus is a features editor at Slate covering heath, science, and human interest. In 2023, she edited Slate's year-long fitness column, Good Fit, about exercise. Her writing has also appeared in the New York Times' Wirecutter, Scientific American, and the Atlantic. 

In this episode we talk about:

• How this conversation changed the way Dan thinks about exercise
• Why you shouldn’t drive yourself crazy following the latest trends about health and fitness
• Why tracking your workouts isn’t always helpful - and remembering that there is always the option to “go slow.” 
• The importance of remembering that exercise is not one-size-fits-all 

Related Episodes:

Can You Get Fit Without Self-Loathing? | Cara Lai — Ten Percent Happier 

How to Stop Obsessing Over Your Body and Eat Sanely in a Toxic Culture | Virginia Sole-Smith — Ten Percent Happier 

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