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Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium

Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium

Rating all the emperors of Rome in the history of the Roman Empire (sort of)


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162 Michael IX

Ok, he is not the most well known, and yes, he died before his father. But there must be a reason this co-emperor is on all the lists right? Right?

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Special: Eat Brains Love (Quest Friends Pontifact crossover!)

Ever wanted to listen to a Quest Friend Role playing game with Totalus Rankium and Pontifacts in it? Well, here you are!! Recorded a while ago but released for halloween, join us was we go on an adventure! 

More info:

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161 Andronikos II

So the capital is back! The empire is up and running! That Charles fella is gone! So we can only assume that everything will go well from now on... Hang on, why does the money not work anymore?

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160 Michael VIII

So we come at last to the last dynasty of the Roman empire. It's been quite a journey, let's hope the final dynasty live up to at least some of the others! In this episode find out about Micael's heroic recapture of Constantinople! 

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159 John IV

The Laskaris lot have done alright so far. But how is an 8 year old going to cope in a world full of cut-throat men? Hopefully ok. After all, it is his birthday. And Christmas.

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158 Theodore II

The dynasty is going well. suspiciously so. So well in fact - they are a nat's hair away from gaining the capital back. So is Theodore the one to do it? Or does he hate his Tutor too much to notice?

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157 John III

John has a big task in front of him - the empire has fallen and several men claim to be the Roman Emperor. But who will claim the prize? Can John do it before he dies?

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156 Theodore

The empoire has fallen! But from the ashes rises one man with a mission: to restore the Empire! Or at least annoy his father in law.

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Update and Q&A

Update on why we have been away and what is happening next. Plus a Q&A session. 

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Totalus Rankium Vs Pontifacts

Ho Ho Ho!


Merry Christmas!


As an apology fpr the lack of content, here is a Senate only episode that we are releasing to all. 


TR v P


Who knows their fellow co-host best? 

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155 Alexios V Monobrow

the second of our two episodes this weekend. This times its the man with a plan to save the empire! Alexios V!

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154 Nicholas

Part 1 of our double feature this weekend, It's Nicholas! Never hear of him? I'm not surprised. Unlike he was to find himself emperor! 

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4th Week - Baccus Groundus Commentry

Rob and Jamie listen back to their first ever recording from May 2016.    Hear the awkwardness and the cringe moments such as: -Jamie giving facts -Rob awkwardly trying to explain how the podcast works  -The emergence of Jeff -Flaming phallus! 
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153 Alexios IV

New Alexios! Better than last Alexios? Maybe, maybe not. Listen to find out!

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152 Alexios III

We continue with the story of the best dynasty the Romans ever had. Isaac was a bit useless, yes, but maybe his brother has what it takes?

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151 Isaac II Angelos

It's a new dynasty! And let's see just how good the Angel dynasty goes shall we? I'm sure it will be fine. It will won't it? It'll be fine.

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150 Andronikos

Bored of all these sane, competent emperors we have been having lately? Long for the days where an emperor would spit in your eye, jump out the window and steal your wallet and your wife as he fled the city? Fear Not! Andronikos is here!

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149 Alexios II

We are back and we are kicking things off with Alexios II! Nope? Never heard of him? Oh well. Maybe this episode will help. 

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148 Manuel

Manuel was never supposed to be emperor. He was the forth son. But when fate shoves him into the top job, can he build upon his father and grandfather?s legacy? Or will he watch it burn? Find out!

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147 John II The Beautiful

His father started turning around the ship, leading it to calmer waters. Now John must take the reins (of the ship, they had reins back then) and steady the course. Can he do it? Find out!

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146 Alexios

We are back, and with the longest Emperor episode yet! Join us as we skim through the insanely busy life of Alexios!

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145 Nikepheros III

Yes, he is approaching 80, and yes, he has no legitimacy. But who knows? Maybe he is just what the empire needs right now to turn the sinking ship around. If only he could get rid of the couping pigeons...

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144 Michael VII

Now Romanos is gone, Michael has the chance to righten the ship - with the help of his advisors, there will surely be no - whats that? They have been captured? And the money is not working? And the generals are all called Nikepheros and they are all revolting? Ah...

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143 Romanos IV Diogenes

If you know your Roman history, the date of 1071 will mean something. And here we are! However, if like Jamie, you don?t know about 1071: Just how bad can Romanos? push against the Turks go? Find out!

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142 Eudocia

You wont find Eudocia on many lists, but she deserves to be on them. She may not have ruled long, but she made an impact. Also, we take a brief look into the Seljuk Turks. They may be important in the next few episodes?

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Interview: Rex Factor: Sulla

Rex Factor have just released an episode on Sulla, so we thought it was the perfect excuse to have a chat with them about the man. We also chat about podcasting in general, worms, the dangers of squash and we play the ever popular ?How well to you know your co-host?

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141 Constantine X

Isaac is dead and Psellus has installed his mate to bring back the good old days of the wealthy families reaping in all the cash. As long as there are not mulitple invasions hitting the empire at once, it'll be fine!

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140 Isaac

Isaac is here! He couped his way to the top, and he has plans. Hopefully camping next to Mount Outrageous Damage with Ethel the Pecheneg doesn?t slow him down?

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139 Michael VI The Old

We are back! After having a break to talk about the slave revolts of the Republic, we are back ranking all the emperors. Apparently things start going downhill after the Macedonian Dynasty - so let?s see if that is true. If Michael VI is anything to go by, oh, it is true.

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Interview: Partial Historians: Spartacus

We were very lucky this week to be joined by the amazing Partial Historians! They are experts in the field, and this field has a tree, and under this tree is a man named Spartacus! Find out about the man, the myth and how he has been used throughout history. Plus, a fabulous return of our ever popular, regular feature: 'How Well Do You Know Your Co-Host?'!

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Interview: Saga Thing: Norse Perspective

In our first ever interview episode (for the Roman series) we are lucky enough to have a chat with John and Andy from Saga Thing! Ever wondered what those Northern Barbarian were thinking about the empire? Well, find out! Also, we test John and Andy on how well they know each other. Who is the ultimate Saga Thing host? Find that out also! 

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Battle of Zama (Plus Update)

Schedule update with the Battle of Zama thrown in as a bonus for you lovely people. 

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138 Theodora II Purple Born

We have covered her uncle, her father, her sister and three of her brother-in-laws, so now it it time to get Theodora's side of the story. She is the least known about of all of them so we do what we can to unravel her life story! 

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137 Constantine IX The Lone Fighter

When The Ship Smearer came to an untimely end, someone needed to step in. Zoe and Theodora did, but many in The Powerful felt they lacked a certain appendage that made them qualify. So an old flame of Zoe was found to rule the empire. Constantine Monomachos? Why not? How bad can he be?

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136 Zoe II Purple Born

We have covered a lot of her life, but now we get to dive in and see what life was like from her perspective. Just who was Zoe? And how did she survive the reign of 5.5 emperors? And exactly just how many hotty-bits-on-the-side called Constantine did she have?

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135 Michael V The Ship Smearer

Michael V may be the son of Steve the Ship Smearer, but that does not mean he can't become a great emperor! No! His lack of understanding the public mood does!

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134 Michael IV

So Romanos is dead, and John has a plan. As does Zoe. It's a simple plan: put John's little brother and hotty-bit-on-the-side-of-Zoe Michael on the throne! What's the worst that can happen?

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133 Romanos III

Constantine is about to die, and he needs an heir. Who better than Romanos? Who? The Urban Prefect? Yeah, he'll do. Likes to read doesn't he? Yeah... He'll do...

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Just a little update to let you all know how we are and what our plans are.

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132 Constantine VIII

How can you follow Basil II? Well, we suggest not like this. Constantine VIII loved to drink and gamble and wrestle and make his 'special' sauce. But running an empire currently enjoying a golden age? Nah...

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131 Basil II

We get to arguably the last big name of the series, and its a good one: Basil II the Bulgar Slayer. Jamie has doubts, but can Basil II impress him? Join us on this journey involving intrigue, civil war, one-on-one duels, Mace-eye, and a small appearance from a guest podcast!

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130 John I Tzimiskes

Basil II is still a pup and Nikephoros is dead. Who can take charge of the empire? How about the man who literally just beat the last one close to death before cutting his head off to be sure? He'll do. Hopefully he is a decent chap. Oh, and the Russians are coming!

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129 Nikephoros II

Nikephoros II knows how to do two things: love God and to shove swords in people until they are dead. The sources greatly differ to as what kind of ruler he was. So what was he? A monster who fell in love? A man falling his duty when he wants to follow God? A man who simply loves a good battle? Find out!

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128 Romanos II

Romanos II. What to say about Romanos II? Well, according to the sources, not much because there is a general out there called Nikephoros and he is doing all sorts of exciting things. So join us while we find out about this general and occasionally mention the emperor! 

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127 Constantine VII The Purple Born

He was gently couped when he was young, something that does no growing lad any good. But now he is surrounded by a step-family who are only keeping him alive out of convenience, can Constantine do anything about his situation? 

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126 Stephen

So, he wasn't going to get an episode - but you guys insisted. So you have no one to blame but yourselves. 

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125 Romanos


Zoe is out of action, now Romanos just needs to deal with the Partriach Nicholas, the general Leo Phocas, the Bulgar King Symeon, the many uprisings, the Caliphate, the famine, the vikings - VIKINGS!? Yep, those too. Romanos does not have it easy, but how does he do?

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124 Zoe Coal Eyes

Zoe of the coal-black eyes. She is not always listed as an emperor, but we are including her as she undoubtably ruled in her own right for a few years. However - these were not good years... There is an angry Patriach plotting revenge, a scored general plotting a coup, another general plotting a coup, oh, and a third general plotting a coup. Things are about to get quite coupy.

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123 Alexander II


Here he is! The one you have been waiting for! it's Alexan- who? Oh, sorry. No one has ever been waiting for Alexander II. But here is an episode on him anyway!

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122 Leo VI The Wise

Leo the Wise has Daddy issues. Mainly, he does not know if his daddy is the man who hates him, or the man who the man who hates him murdered. He is not treated well my his supposed father, but when a tragic hunting accident propels Leo to the throne... well, it's time for a bit of payback.

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