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Beat Your Genes Podcast

Beat Your Genes Podcast

Let's look at life through the lens of our ancestors. Our instincts were shaped by their struggles in an environment much different than our current environment. Our instincts haven't changed much but our environment has changed dramatically. We blend the science of evolutionary psychology with the clinical experience of Doug Lisle, PhD to explore common problems and stumbling points in our pursuit of happiness. New episodes come out Wednesdays at 8:30 PST. If you have a question or comment, or maybe even a complicated situation that you'd like some advice on, feel free to call us and leave a voicemail at (714) 900-2601 or send in a question through www.BeatYourGenes.org

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325: Prove-'em-wrong Motivation, Managing child's outbursts, Aunt is very disagreeable

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

1. Help! My son just turned 8. He has acquired part of his personality from my mother- he can be loud and will overreact or get really angry about things. This includes being told he needs to stop an activity because we are leaving the house, etc. I am trying to help him manage these outbursts because kids are starting to make fun of him at school for them. Do you have any specific strategies that would help or should I focus more on his diet and sleep? He is normally a sweet boy and these outbursts have improved with age but I feel he needs more support.

2. Is there anything that is the opposite of the ego trap when you have been repeatedly told negative things like that you are worthless and will never amount to anything? If the ego trap is demotivating, is hearing the opposite motivating? If so, can't it also be extremely demotivating as well, especially if your mind is doing a CB analysis of the possibility of success and whether the energy output is worth it, but the people around you are saying that you won't succeed?

3. I have an aunt who is so solipsistic, doesn't enquire about anyone else and is disagreeable. Sitting across the table from her, it's difficult to understand how someone can be so blind to the life of others and narcissistic. She's was divorced by 2 prior husbands. Is disagreeable behavior like this related to the "theory of mind" module and if so can you describe the various demarks on the "theory of mind" bell curve?

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@Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Jen Howk, PhD www.jenhowk.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones ? Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

2024-02-08
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324: Is Attachment Theory WRONG? Do parents owe you support?

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD  discusses the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

1.  I'm trying to decide whether to go back to work a year after my second child, or to stay home with her till preschool. I have heard you say on your podcast 'it doesn't matter who raises your kids' which I understand to be a reference to twin studies that show that parents have very little influence on how their children turn out (outcomes are about 80% genetic). How do you square this with attachment theory, and psychologists who say that children need one primary caregiver for the first three years or they will be beset with anxiety and depression in their teen years. I am thinking of the book 'being there' by Erica Komisar in which she advocates very strongly for being a stay at home mother for the mental health of your children. I would like to have a third child, but being out of the workplace for 6 years would dent our finances and possibly my self esteem.

2. Dear doctors, I grew up in a Christian home but stopped going to church once I left home. All of my immediate family are still very religious and my parents financially support someone who was my best friend in high school, who has become a missionary. I find that dynamic very unfair and recently told both parties that I feel boundaries have been crossed. My friend asked my parents to stop supporting her but they refused. I feel betrayed by my parents. How do you advise I deal with the relationship moving forward? I?ve already ended my friendship but wish I could be emotionally closer to my parents.

 

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

 

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. 

Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus. Licensed for use. 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

 

2024-01-25
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323: Can everyone be happy? Does online dating change the cost-benefit?

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1.  Can all personality types be equally happy if they apply diligent effort to worthwhile goals? ie all other things being equal, would a low conscientiousness individual be as happy as a high conscientiousness individual if they both applied their version of diligent effort and equally felt they hadn't left 'anything on the table' (despite those levels of effort and results being very different)

2. You have previously characterized men as "pair bonders or not." How has on-line dating changed the CB here for both sexes?

3. I am 51, happily married for 2 decades and have 1 child. We recently had a huge fight regarding whether we have a responsibility to help others. We have a friend who had a messy, complicated divorce and is struggling financially while still fighting her ex in court over child custody and business matters. He is a lying, unpredictable scam artist . As much as I feel sorry for our friend, I would like to keep a distance from this situation. Last time we saw her my husband offered to pay for a lawyer, and an accountant. While we live comfortably, we do not have the money this woman would need to become unentangled. When we got home I started yelling that my husband should not have made this offer because we really cannot afford it and I don't want her criminal ex husband knowing that we are helping her. While my cavewoman instinct was to protect my financial stability, I found it more effective to (over)emphasize the physical threat this could have on me since my husband travels a lot and her ex knows where we live. The fight escalated as my husband accused me of being selfish, uncharitable, and unwilling to help. I said that my time and energy go into taking care of my home and our family. We have already given this friend money and our time over the years. From an Evo-psych point of view, I understand that I feel a threat to my resources (financially and emotionally) as well as safety. My husband does not see this situation at all like I do. Shouldn't a cave-man have the instinct to primarily care for his family (only) and not spread their resources to another man's family??  Sidenote: while my son likes her kids, I would like to avoid any possible bad influence as one is already dabbling with marijuana. So, threat to offspring is another concern... Please offer any insight you have.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2024-01-11
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Love him when he's here, but hate him when he's away, Solving social anxiety? Are SJW's really more noble?

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1. I have a friend who is very active in fighting for workers' rights. In fact he has a high level job in one of my country's major trade unions. He often organises protests, and is always the first person on the frontline with the megaphone. On a personal level, he is quite overweight, and I know for a fact does not help out much at home with housework and childcare. I used to think that social activists and social justice warriors were high conscientious types. But now I'm wondering if it is actually a mixture of disagreeableness and extraversion. Are people like Rosa Parks and Greta Thunberg, who we hold up as icons, conscientious or disagreeable, or a mixture of both?

2.  I am a woman in my 30s and I struggle with severe social anxiety and it seems like no matter what I do I can't get better. I'm terrified of wasting any more of my life due to my fears and avoidance behaviors. It's even difficult for me to hold down a job long term because of how hard it is for me to perform in front of others all day. My love life is nonexistent and I don't know how to make friends. What is social anxiety exactly? Is it that I've been stuck in the ego trap for years because I fear status loss? How can I overcome this? I tell myself I have no status to lose but it doesn't help. I get so anxious at times I even dissociate. Counselors just tell me to push through it. Doctors just try to put me on medications. I am tired of being crippled with fear every day and watching my days pass me by. I know the life I want isn't going to come to me while I'm hiding at home. I want to have a life that is meaningful to me but I don't know what to do.

3. I've been with my husband for 5 years. When I am with him I feel so in love, we have lots of good sex, we talk about the future. To me, he's gorgeous. He can't believe how much I enjoy his natural scent. But something happens when he isn't around. I start doubting everything about our relationship, thinking it's going nowhere, that I married the wrong person. Some of my thoughts are we're broke, he's 15 years older than me, I settled down too soon. It feels like I hate him and that he robbed me of my future. Why is this happening? I can't understand how I can feel so in love and then feel so ambivalent.

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-12-14
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321: Processed stimulation - How social media competes for our attention

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener question:

Why do people love formulaic media and entertainment? Most of the pop music that dominates the charts is nearly identical. It uses the same four chords in the same progression with similar melodies and lyrical themes. Most of the blockbuster films that gross massive amounts of money tell variations on the same story with similar effects, music, and actors. This seems even more pronounced in the era when massive franchises like Marvel and Star Wars reboot and re-hash the same stories/characters over and over? and over. Even content on TikTok or instagram tends to be made from a formula? the influencers tend to look the same, use the same music, and say/do the same things. Whether in music, film, TV, or social media, we seem to be stuck in a rut where very little ?original? art rises to the surface.  I know there is a pleasure trap aspect to this, but I am curious why the majority of our human brains find this type of content so appealing to begin with. Why do we seem to get so much enjoyment from reliving the same experiences? Why do we find these particular types of media so fascinating?

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-11-30
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320: Diet considerations, Disease-reversal, Losing weight, Metabolism Dynamic, Cram circuit

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD, social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD, and Nathan Gershfeld, DC discuss the following listener questions:

 I am curious about the work of David Sinclair from Harvard about his anti-aging research. He makes some pretty fantastic claims. He does, for example, advocate for a plant-based diet, but then talks quite a bit about supplements, including prescription drugs like Metformin. I also heard him say that although plant-based diets are good, we must avoid foods that spike blood sugars - like rice and grapes. Aren't those whole foods? Grapes, really? What do they think of Dr. Sinclair's work...work considering or majoring in minor things? I?m on the highest end of a healthy weight range even on a whole natural foods diet composed of fruits vegetables whole grains and legumes, with at most 1 avocado per week and 1 tsp of flaxseed per day. No nuts or seeds. I?ve lost weight before by restricting and over exercising, but I couldn?t maintain it. However I felt much more confident at this lower weight (about 10-15 lbs thinner than I am now). As women there?s a lot of pressure to be thin. How do I get over my desire to be thin? Is this something I can ever get over? I think about it every day and am tired of thinking about this. Is the thicker persons' metabolism or spontaneous recovery different from the genetically skinny person? i.e. if your genetics figured out your survival success by having you eat more, weigh more and get more resources, won't your body be genetically predisposed to continue those successful survival instincts that helped in your survival before? I?m having difficulty distinguishing the difference between eating intermediately to grit myself through the extinction curve of a condition cram circuit and eating under the hunger drive. How do I know if I?m eating intermediately or eating under the hunger drive when I got through this process ? Is there like a rule of thumb you would suggest we follow e.g 1 plate of food then nothing for a couple of hours??

 

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld, DC                           

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Fasting Supervision:  www.FastingEscape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

 

2023-11-16
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319: Free will vs. decision making, Best political system aligned with human nature

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1. If I am understanding what you have said in the past about decision making and free will, the main thing that changes/influences our behavior is new information. So, we really don't have "free will" in our decision making like we think? If this is true, does it mean that -- if we want to have more control or positive results in our decision making -- rather than "trying harder" or "thinking more clearly" we should fastidiously study the situation and accumulate the most information possible. Then we kind of sit back and see what our computer-brain-cost/benefit/analyzer ultimately decides -- even though we like to think WE are making the decision? Maybe I have this wrong. Can you elaborate?

2. I love learning about evolutionary psychology because everything makes so much sense. However, this knowledge often makes me sad because I now realize how many things I can't change, specifically I can't make my disagreeable husband nicer. Do the doctors ever feel this way? Any tips for not feeling defeated?

3. Generally advice givers tend to give big picture advice. However, from listening to the doctors I see much more attention paid to the little minute to minute and hour to hour processes of any meaningful goal. For example, the whole concept of running experiments is to change conditions at the granular level to see if they result in a meaningful difference in affect that supports the general direction someone wants to move in. Why is it that people tend to ignore the small details of change? Is it because they are not very interesting I.e they don?t really sell books?

4. Which political system is best aligned with human nature? And if we could click our fingers and make it happen, what would that look like in reality?

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-11-02
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318: Jen Howk on Buddhism, Philosophy, The Matrix, Simulations, and Sentience

Social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following topics:

I loved your last podcast about Buddhism and other perspectives in psychology. I'd love to hear more of your perspectives on spirituality such as how you would describe the personality profiles of popular gurus Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle. They both claim to have been in close to catatonic states of misery/depression, suicidal and then overnight, woke up enlightened. If it's not enlightenment, what are they experiencing? I'd also like to hear your views on other personality profiles such as influencers who end up being con artist and other weird, modern day criminals. Can all personality types be equally happy if they apply diligent effort to worthwhile goals? ie all other things being equal, would a low conscientiousness individual be as happy as a high conscientiousness individual if they both applied their version of diligent effort and equally felt they hadn't left 'anything on the table' (despite those levels of effort and results being very different) I am curious how you would define a ?sentient? organism. Does sentience even exist? If we are simply a system of electrical signals that indicates our next action based on a pre-programmed reward/punishment function, then are we truly more ?sentient? than the AI personalities currently being built by OpenAI and Google, etc? How and where do we draw the line between an organism or machine that is sentient and one that is not? Do you think this should any implications for the construction and ownership of AI personalities and computer-based neural networks?

 

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-10-19
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317: When Nobody Else Gets It! Could my Cost-benefit calculator be faulty? Do men love their children like moms do?

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses the following listener questions:

1. I have read "Blueprint" many times and am still learning so much from that book. It is obvious to me how much of who we are and what we do is heritable. So, what do you do when no one else gets that? Or knows that? Recently I was having coffee with good friends and they were discussing a mother of one of them who is a serious hoarder. The conversation went on forever while they tried to decide why she is like that...bad childhood, loves collecting stuff, mean husband, etc. Finally, I suggested "genetics" and they all stopped, looked at me in horror, and went right back into all their own opinions. Finally, to avoid getting frustrated with everyone, I had to leave. This kind of thing happens all the time as people talk openly about their kids, husbands, friends, etc. I feel like I can't have an interesting or intelligent conversation with anyone, anymore.

2.   I believe that a lot of my problems stem from the fact that my cost-benefit mechanism is faulty! I can never decide on a course of action and tend to miss out on things because I can't come to a decision as to which option is best. I've jumped from job to job throughout my life, I'm now 50, but have never achieved anything career wise due to indecision and the feeling the grass is always greener on the other side. This spills over into every aspect of life as I'm constantly comparing myself to others and their achievements and feel I'm a failure in comparison. Is it too late to do something about my over analysing of everything and is there a way to make my internal machinery stop going around in circles and finally reach some sort of a conclusion? Thanks very much from someone who thought they'd never make sense of humanity until discovering evolutionary psychology!

3. How do you find the balance between ?trying? (gritting through something), or alternatively focusing on changing an environmental variable or circumstance. Based on carefully listening to the Drs discussing motivational dilemmas and procrastination it all comes down to a C/B analysis (most of which in unconscious). Therefore what rule of thumb or questions do you ask yourself to know when it is a good idea to potentially grit something out so you can ?go up a learning? curve or instead focus your energy on changing something in the environment? To put this into context, I find my job boring? really boring? I can barely focus on the subject matter without my brain wondering, I can also see that if I focused for a few weeks or so and was diligent I would do better and start receiving positive feedback which could change how I feel i.e chane the C/B. So what?s the procedure here? How can I tell if I should be gritting it out or changing some variable in my environment.

4. Do men only love their children for as long as they love their mother? I?m a divorced single mom with two small children. I live in Florida while my ex lives in Colorado and he never comes to visit his children and rarely even calls them. He seemed like a loving father when we were together. When our marriage was falling apart, he seemed to care less about the children. Even though he says he loves them, his actions don?t show it. I have sacrificed so much for these children and love them more than I love my own life, while he?s happy just paying child support and sitting on the sidelines while I do all the work. I?m not complaining at all, I actually prefer it this way, I?m just baffled at how men who claim to love their children can spend years without seeing them. I have many divorced friends in this same situation. It seems to me that men only love their children for as long as they love the mother. Is this true? Is a man?s love for his children dependent upon how much he loves the mother? Even King Henry VIII was an example of this.

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-10-05
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316: Buddhism & Evolutionary Psychology, Is Evo Psych only controversial to other Psychologists? Corporal punishment

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

Do the realizations of Buddhism hold any credibility through an evolutionary psychological lens? Does suffering really come from unfulfilled desires? Why would we evolve to have an unsatiable drive of desires which leaves us suffering? Why is psychology the only field in which evolutionary psychology is controversial? Biologists, computer engineers studying AI and neurologists will all happily discuss evo psych. The most fierce reactions come from other psychologists. Why was hitting kids as discipline so normal throughout history and many cultures today. We now know it has many detrimental effects, so why does it come so naturally or intuitively to humans?

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld               

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-09-21
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315: Does wealth reduce IQ? Can emotions be unresolved? If able, would men pair bond with two women?

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

A while back, you mentioned that when someone is financially strained, they can behave as though they are 10 IQ points lower than they actually are. Can you expand on that? In addition, if someone is obscenely wealthy, would you expect that they also would behave differently - maybe also lower IQ? I ask this because a close friend of mine has recently started earning a lot of money, he's 25 and is now making a 7 figure income. For context, he didn't just hit an actual lottery, he's very smart, with a reputable job in a highly specialized field, but he'll do wild, dangerous things that I consider lower IQ. Is it because he thinks he can bail himself out of any mess with enough money? I can't help but wonder if he would be less reckless if he was making a normal income for his age. If emotions are our response to environment to help us survive and reproduce, and we want to beat our genes, should we not focus on understanding and reshaping our emotional response before engaging in rational and analytical activities? If emotions are unresolved, wouldn't that cloud or impair our cognitive abilities? I ask this because a close friend, a conventional therapist, is at odds with me when I discuss what I hear on this show. He tells me of all these success stories of his clients as he explains that he is reshaping their emotional responses with his therapy method. I am a layperson in this field so maybe I'm missing something but how could my friend see so much success if his approach is not based at all on evolutionary psychology? Dr. Lisle - you say that men want to pair bond up. So a 7 will want to pair bond with an 8 or higher.  What trade-offs do the Dr's think men would take in order to have 2 permanent pair bonds simultaneously?  I'm not even sure men want this, but Dr. LIsle has talked about wife, wife, wife, chippy.  Would that same 7/10 male settle down with two 6s vs holding out for just one 8 or 9?  Obviously there's no correct answer but I'd love to hear Dr. Lisle and Jen's best guess on this.

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-09-07
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314: Are men right more often than women? Own personality distortions, Getting flustered in arguments, Do children's personality evolve through adulthood?

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:  

1. How does one go about getting an objective personality test? I have a friend that constantly mentions that they are cursed with being highly conscientious and very agreeable. However most others in our friend group find them not very conscientious, and highly disagreeable. How does low intelligence impact distortions in ones own perceptions of their personality, and possibly reality in general?

 

2. I am a very agreeable female married for many years. My husband and I very occasionally disagree and I find I need to stand up for myself. He stays calm and I get really anxious in an argument and even end up saying things I don?t even mean in the heat of it all which upsets me and him. Can I learn to stand up for myself but be calmer and if so can you help me with how to do this.

3.  In a great relationship, would a woman feel more comfortable if her mate was right more often than she was during disagreements? 

4. I know that a child?s personality can go through a kind of dramatic evolution from a young age to adulthood. For instance, I know a very pleasant, agreeable young man who was quite obnoxious when he was 10. And I would suspect that this development is all genetic, and that an identical twin would also be obnoxious at 10 and pleasant at 18.   I am wondering if there is a continual evolution  of the personality as an adult that is genetic.  For instance, I know a woman who became increasingly bitter over the years. Is she likely more bitter at 55 than 18 due to circumstances or due to genetics?

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-08-24
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313: Dr. Lisle & Nate: Why are people snobby? Why doesn't my spouse want to improve their health? Can you sleep train an infant? Single by choice but lonely

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses the following questions: 

I find snobbish behavior fascinating (sometimes irritating, sometimes amusing), but I don?t really understand the evolutionary basis of it. What are the basic motivations behind and effects of snobbish behavior? Is it insecurity and an attempt to hijack unearned or unwarranted status, a combination of personality traits, or something else? My husband is 56 yrs old obese,smokes all day and eats the SAD diet and does not exercise. He just got a colonoscopy he has diverticulosis,internal hemorrhoids and 3 polyps removed.We are waiting on pathology report.His cholesterol is high and is pre diabetic.I have been trying to motivate him to make some changes to his diet or lifestyle but I have failed.Now he even gets irritated with me taking about it. I?m whole-foods, plant-based and exercise daily.I?m really getting frustrated.What should I do? I am pregnant and in my readings on parenting, I came across the hotly contested topic of infant sleep. In short, the sleep training camp believes that babies need to be taught how to sleep independently, and that the ?cry it out? method does not cause any harm. Their rhetoric is heavy on the idea that babies are manipulating their parents and if the parent doesn?t sleep train, then they are creating terrible habits and will be trapped by their child?s sleep. The anti-sleep training camp believes that babies naturally want to be close to their caregiver (like other carrying mammals) and that the ?cry it out? method is cruel and does not work. They believe that sleep training ruins the secure attachment that babies need, and that babies who have responsive parents will develop into more independent and secure children. I think the cry-it-out method is biologically inappropriate, but I also don?t know if I believe that it has the capacity to cause long-term harm. I also think that disagreeable parents are more likely to sleep train. At the end of the day, it seems like it all comes down to personality, and the best my husband and I can do is hope that we get a baby as agreeable as the two of us. What are your thoughts on sleep from an evopsych perspective? Do you have any tips on how to pursue physical intimacy as a single, young woman if you are not finding a proper "pair bond" partner . Ive been single for about two years, so far haven't met anyone who would qualify as a proper boyfriend but have a strong craving for intimacy. I already follow your tip to delay sex to not get hurt but I still do not want to miss out on the cuddling, intimacy, attraction part. Do you have any tips on communication skills and how to spot qualities in a partner who might be able to provide that?

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

For consults, visit www.EsteemDynamics.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-08-10
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312: Fraud in Lancet journal, Should I stay in an unhappy or sub-par relationship?

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss a very misleading graph in a recent paper published in Lancet Journal along with the following listener questions:

1.To what extent would you say children, money and marriage contracts keep sub-par relationships intact today vs. the lesser stickiness of relationships in the stone age. This isn't always a bad thing, right? Parents are raising kids and everyone gets to keep more of their wealth. What's the harm- why bother splitting things up in the hopes of finding a magic 10. Isn't the conservation of energy circuit just doing what it does?

2. I am stuck in a loveless marriage. I had a steady career making six figures as a pharmacist. I hated my job, but I was stuck because I was over $500,000 in debt. I then met a rich man who promised me if I married him I wouldn?t have to work another day in my life. He paid off my student debt. So I agreed to marry him. Five years later, I am miserable. I never loved him, but I also feel like I have no purpose in life. I do nothing besides sleep, eat, exercise and attend social events. He has maids, cooks, nannies and tutors taking care of everything a woman normally would. The sex is awful, most of the time I just lie there waiting for him to finish and pretend to enjoy it. He loves and is attracted to me, but now even the sight of him repulses me even though he did nothing wrong. Now I am stuck in a dilemma: do I stay in a loveless marriage and comfortable life, forgoing my chance at ever finding true love, or do I leave, go back to a job I hate and have a chance at finding true love? I am a 32 year old female and he is 45

3. Dear doctors. I've been with my wife for a couple of decades. She was always very physically beautiful and I was very overrewarded up until we had kids several years ago. She is still the best person I know, however she has lost the looks and the dopamine doesn't drive me to seek her the way it use to. I've tried to talk to her about this, but she is pretty firm in her stance that I have to take it or leave it. I love my kids too much to leave the relationship, but I know deep down I would be happier with someone who I am attracted to physically. Do I do what my dad did and stick out an unhappy marriage for the kids? Or do I make the exit plan that most men seem to always do? 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

 

2023-07-27
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311: Can you screw up a good relationship? Finding the courage to break up.

Evolutionary Psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD, and Harvard social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD. discuss physical attractiveness & general health, whether a relationship can fall apart from a simple misunderstanding, choosing one passion from many, and finding the courage to make hard decisions about a relationship.  

Study mentioned:  "Physical Attractiveness & CardioMetabolic Risk" https://doi.org/10.1002/ajhb.23895 

Q1: Do physically attractive people have an easier time developing attractive skills? I'll give an example because I'm having trouble wording this: on shows like American Idol, more often than not when someone can sing, they are physically attractive. I know that that instance is probably just selection bias by the editors of the show, but it got me thinking: are attractive people on average born with more attractive genes which are also better at developing attractive skills?

Q2.   Is there anything one can do to improve chances of ?qualifying? for a pair bond besides following the ?10 paid dates? rule? Or if it?s more like, either you do or don?t qualify and it?s out of one?s control. Is it that all one can do is just wait and see?

Q3:  I am a very conscientious and passionate person with varied interests. When I become interested in something, I consume all the information I possibly can and eventually move on to another hyperfixation. I am trying to figure out a career path, but feel a bit like a master of none, despite having more knowledge on niche topics than anyone else I know. Evopysch is appealing because it is a topic that contains all other topics, but making a career out of Everything seems insurmountable. How can I use evopsych to try and figure out what topics are worth building a career around when I feel equally passionate about all of them?

Q4: I am with a man (he's 26, Im 25) who has been my best friend for many years. I love him a lot and honestly think in terms of compatibility I might never find someone better. He makes me really happy in my daily life. However, the sex and intimacy is almost forced on my part. He doesn't turn me on as much as my previous partners. The sex quality is good and he'd do anything for me. But I'm always relieved when it's over. I also am still sexually and romantically interested in other men . How do I navigate this situation? As we are long distance I often find myself having the urge to cheat as he might never find out.

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewees: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-07-13
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310: Do women dangle sex? Maintaining friends when income becomes disparate, Are Modern-day office jobs feminized? Does society prefer sons?

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Howk discuss: 

You talk about Tears, Anger, Force, Fraud and Free Trade RA strategies. Why did you exclude sex from this list? And in particular, women dangling sex to get men to do stuff. I guess we can ideally put this in the FREE TRADE category, but sex can be gotten by using any of these other RA strategies too I suppose. Anything more to add here? Do the doctors have any thoughts on the ability of people in different socioeconomic situations to be friends, or maintaining friendships when socioeconomic situations that were similar become disparate? I am in my 40s and have remained close with a group of four other women from college. We all come from upper middle class backgrounds and are professionals doing pretty well. However, one of my friends has become wealthy. I feel that this causes some resentment and awkwardness between her a couple of other women who become irritated with her and don?t seem to believe that she could possibly have any problems. My friend who is wealthy is pretty humble and neither brags about nor conceals her circumstances, but this happens nonetheless. This has me wondering generally about how important similar socioeconomics are to friendships and why. When problems arises due to this difference, it there a way to beat our genes in order to preserve friendships? Can Dr Lisle discuss if he has any views on the feminisation of modern desk based/ office jobs. To me the majority of knowledge work in the corporate world feels better suited to gathering oriented nervous systems as opposed to hunter oriented nervous systems, especially when you look at the nature of the recognition culture in corporations. It seems like it is very much suited to align with the types of reward structures women would seek out. How might this impact the feelings of excitement, boredom or fulfilment for people who are not inclined in this way? I was trying to think about patriarchy/son preference through the lens of evolutionary psychology. Here's what I came up with: As far as I can tell, this tendency tends to be stronger in traditional societies with a strong emphasis on marriage. Males are willing sleep down under casual mating strategy but want to sleep up with a fancier females if pursuing long-term mating strategy. In a marriage-type situation the male's offspring will probably be fancier/more desirable than he is. If that male has a son who, in turn, pair bonds with an even more attractive female, his grandkids will be fancier still. But if he has a daughter, she might have to marry "down" to secure resources for her future offspring, in which case the original male's grandkids won't be as "desirable". Could a son preference basically just boil down to the hope that, by "marrying up" generation after generation, the original male's genes will eventually out compete all his competitors and either take over the world or be all 10s? What is unique about teen brains that make them so commonly giddy, laughing and joyous when hanging out with their friends?  What's so funny?  I'm so old I don't remember!

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-06-29
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309: Resentful of Cheating Dad, Do Men Prefer to Earn More than Spouse, Moving In with Partner but Marriage is Off the Table

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Howk discuss the following questions:

I listened to your talk discussing whether humans actually have Free Will: If we, as an organism are just doing what we perceive is optimal for the species in survival and reproduction, does that mean that I should not be very angry at my father who cheated on my Mom repeatedly, divorced her, and spent the rest of his life hitting on women whenever one seemed available in front of him? It has bothered me my whole life and as his daughter I hate him for that. But of course, as I am agreeable, I have never told him that but deep down I resent him. Does the average man prefer to make a higher salary than his spouse?  And does the average man prefer to have a degree that is at least as advanced as his spouse?    How does it affect a man if he makes less money than his wife, or is not as accomplished academically? So I understand that women can't make themselves more attractive by earning more money, but all things being equal, will men generally select a woman making more money rather than less?  Also, what about a woman who makes significantly more than a guy -- might that hurt her chances with him? As a man how do I approach my partner about moving in and us signing a cohabitation agreement that everything is separate other than things we agree to in advance? She is very sensitive and think it will be a tough subject to talk about. I have a lot more money than she does and don't want any legal matters to be an issue later if we break up. Marriage is not in the cards.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-06-15
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308: Dumped but then he came back, Can't eat healthy unless I live in the woods, Do introverts need to socialize more

In today's show, Dr. Lisle & Howk review the following questions: 

How do you reconcile Dr. Jen's potted plant theory with Dr. Lisle's ego trap? As someone that is over 90th percentile introverted and emotionally unstable I find I prefer to keep my world very small and do not have energy for much socializing outside of working full time in an office full of people. Sometimes people encourage me to push myself to socialize more but I'm content spending time at home with my spouse and animals - how would I know if I avoid socializing due to an ego trap or if I'm just designing a life that fits my big 5? A friend of mine was recently dumped via text message. She was in a relationship with this man for about 6 months, everything was going well (both had been married previously and had teenage children). The breakup came as a complete shock to my friend. 6 weeks later the guy contacted my friend, appologised for dumping her and asked for a second chance.  Is it possible he was seeing someone else and realised my friend was a better 'mate' option? As a woman in my 50s who has eaten crap her whole life and fought her weight the whole time too, I have found that unless I quit my job, divorce my husband, drop all my friends, move to a cabin in the woods in total isolation with no form of communication or entertainment and never leave while growing my own whole foods, controlling everything in my environment is impossible and triggers and cravings are everywhere. (and some appear without any noticeable provocation and with a connection that only my brain can seem to find.). What can I do? I am trying to deprogram over 50 years of programming and habits and are surrounded by people who aren't even trying and surrounded by an industry and environment that is bound and determined to make me sick and fat.

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-06-01
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307: Where Does Evolutionary Psychology Evidence Come From?

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses in detail "Where does the evidence for evolutionary psychology come from?"

Our first question from a listener begins, " I am incredibly fascinated by EP and feel that I have learned so much from the show. I do wonder sometimes though when the questions get answered, what evidence/research is it based on? Assuming the conclusions are inferred... there obviously isn't a set of randomized control trial which provides the answers. I ask for my own interest but also as to provide additional weight to my recommendations to friends/family to learn about this area as I have been doing for the last couple of years. "

Question # 2 from a different listener:   "What personality traits correlate with people who seek continual simple pleasures in place of higher achievements, even if their community values higher achievements? Such as people who choose alcohol over the success of their career or relationship, or who shirk responsibly because it feel "too hard" or "too much" for them?"

 

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

To schedule a consultation with Dr. Lisle, visit www.EsteemDynamics.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

 

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

2023-05-18
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306: Romance novel villains, Boyfriend admits he kissed an ex, Socially awkward or self-preservation, Is population getting dumber & flakier?

Why do women fall in love with villains in romance novels? I was reading through my girlfriend?s provocative novels and the men in these books are not noble or kind, they are dark, twisted, cruel, violent criminals, stalkers, vampires, demons or devils. The sex scenes are aggressive and violent. An example I will never forget is the love interest, who is a stalker, violating the woman with a loaded gun and knife. Is there an evolutionary reason why women would like this? If this is what my girlfriend likes, I don?t even understand why she?s with me. I am exactly the opposite of these men. I am in a relationship with a divorced man who is 15 years my senior, with two adults (or nearly adult) children. We've been together for about two years, and he just communicated that six months ago, he kissed a close friend of ours in our shared home. He said it meant nothing (they had a previous relationship) and the kiss was intended to signalize "closure" - that it was the first and last time that something like this has happened in our relationship. He has a history of adultery (his prior wife left him because of serial cheating). Should I trust that this is a one-off thing, or trust my intuition and take a painful step to end the relationship? Afraid of being threatening to others, especially other women, I dress down, don?t wear makeup, don?t bother with my appearance, am obese. Is this a form of self preservation/protection? I always had poor social skills and to not get hurt, I isolate and dress down etc.  Don?t know why I have poor social skills, I may be slightly autistic or asocial. Given that people with less conscientiousness have more children, would it stand to reason that people in general are less conscientious than in the past?  I would presume this might hold true in other areas -- for instance, wouldn't people with less intelligence also have more children?  So over time, wouldn't we see less conscientiousness and lower intelligence in the population at large?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-05-04
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305: AI Fears, Frustrated Serial monogamist - Am I a whore? Daughter is wasting life living with me, Looking for your hometown

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss artifical intelligence and some of their fears for the future.  Then at 26:15, the discussion turns to answering these listener questions: 

1. I am a frustrated serial monogamist female looking for my magic 10%. For the past six years, I?ve been in several long-term relationships. I enter every relationship with the hope that he is the one and the desire and dedication to make it last. However, after a year or so, I gradually realize that the person isn?t right for me, become disillusioned and fall out of love with him, and then am poached out by the next prospect. However, I never mean for this to happen, and it is painful every time.  I am truly pair-bond oriented, but I am worried that my ?inability to settle down? is sending casual mating signals. I am a very demanding person in all areas of life, including this one, which inadvertently makes me fall out of love with someone because they don?t meet my standards. I was like this even before discovering evolutionary psychology, but especially now. However, this has led to accusations from my parents of being unable to be satisfied by one man - crassly put, that I?m a whore. And I?m worried that future male partners will see it that way.  How do I continue dating and exploring relationships in order to find that magic 10% without ruining my reputation? Should I avoid being intimate with someone for many months until I?m sure that they meet all of my standards? How do I avoid leading both myself and the other person on, and not trick myself into thinking that this will last forever? How do I cope with the fact that I may never find someone who makes me happy forever in that fairytale way?

2. My 35 year old daughter refuses to grow up, get a job and move out. She has a university degree but she doesn?t want to use it. It also seems like she doesn?t have any goals for herself. She says she wants to live with me forever. She also doesn?t want to get married or have children. It doesn?t bother me that she lives with me, but I feel like she?s wasting her life. How do I help her? What do I do? Please don?t tell me to kick her out or charge rent because I won?t do it. I love her too much and am too conscientious and agreeable.

3.My husband and I currently live in New York but want to move somewhere that better fits our values and lifestyle. We feel ?politically homeless? and would like to avoid the insanity of either end of the political spectrum. We work remotely, are college-educated, vegan, plan to homeschool, and are non-religious? we know that no place is perfect, but would love to hear your thoughts on whether this warm, friendly, community-centered place exists, or if we are just looking for a unicorn.

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld               

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-04-20
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304: Information Overload, Do Humans procreate for help later in life?, How much does income/status matter for a woman?

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Howk discuss the following questions:

1.  Has the team discussed how information overload impedes progress and making changes to one's health? I'd assume one can overdo information gathering, whether it's from podcasts, books, or blogs. As a clinician, how can we help clients get out of this stagnant, noncommittal place? Also, it seems to cause people a lot of stress and anxiety when they have too many thoughts going on in their heads. I have to imagine it gets to a point where it's harmful?

2.  It was recently mentioned on the show that there isn?t any relationship that isnt a trade. I was hoping the doctors could discuss the trade aspect of a mother child relationship specifically from the mother?s perspective? as in what is she getting? I understand its the hormones that dictate the bond and that she is saving her genes.. is there more to it though like at some level is there also an awareness of gains from the children when they are adults in the future?

3.  How much does a woman's income and occupational status matter to the typical man's nervous system in regards to pair-bonding? I've seen men express desire for high-earning women with high-status careers but am not sure if it is because these traits inspire pair-bond "love" feelings in men or if they are just viewing potential long-term relationships in a utilitarian way.

For the upcoming True to Life seminar, visit:  www.TruetoLife.us

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewees: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, PhD

www.BeatYourGenes.org

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-04-06
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303: Awakening a Dormant Circuit, Social Climbing vs. Meaningful relationships

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Howk discuss the following questions:

 

1. Jordan Peterson mentioned briefly in a video that increasing oxytocin can increase agreeableness. He also gives advice that agreeable people can become more disagreeable by "waking the circuit up" if it's laying dormant in you. He thinks we have a wide range of genetic propensities, some that are switched on and it's possible to switch other propensities on. Is there evidence to support either of these theories?

 

2. Could the doctors talk about ?social climbing?? I have family members who spend much of their free time and resources trying to networking with higher status people. They join different country clubs, go to fancy fundraisers, and will cancel plans with people they have known for years if an opportunity with a fancier new acquaintance arises. They often bring up income and status in conversation, which I find a bit off putting. I can?t decide if this is pseudo esteem seeking, personality cancer, or a legitimate way to make real connections that matter for extroverts. Can this pursuit lead to meaningful relationships?

2023-03-23
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302: Abused/Battered women, Obsessed with a competitor, Overpopulation & Mental health

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following listener questions:

How do you square the notion that there is "no 1 mate" (or job, friend etc) with the jealousy/abuse/ stalking (and worse) that happens in relationships. What type of general education on this concept could be offered to attempt to mitigate such costly stone age behavior.  Related, can u talk about the treatment of battered women in your practice, how they do or don't escape?  Buss claims one contributing cause of such behavior is patriarchal culture and institutionalized male dominance.  Any truth to that or is this just genetic like everything else? I have a frenemy (that is, a friend who was really an enemy) who I?ve long lost touch with, but whom I still irresistibly stalk on social media. She was very competitive with me in college, although I drastically outperformed her at the time (I was the dux and she was upper-middling). Nevertheless, she went on to similar feats as me, getting her PhD from Yale (again, the same as me). I see her subtweeting things about me occasionally and I wonder why, after not being friends for so long, we both harbour a malevolent obsession about each other? What is the evolutionary good of this? Neither of us stands to gain anything from this and we?ve both achieved what we wanted, showing that it wasn?t the zero-sum game we might?ve thought during our early college years. She has become a tenure-track professor while I started a very successful company and am now a millionaire. Why do we ruminate so much about enemies/frenemies, and how can be finally move on from them? I was wondering what over population does to a society. I understand nothing is changing genetically but was curious how lived experiences differ between populated densely packed cities and villages/ towns. Is one better than the other for mental health?
2023-03-09
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Episode 300

In our 300th episode (actually episode 301, but we wanted to save it for Dr. Howk),  Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk take a break from solving listener problems and answering listener questions and instead turn towards answering some fun, personal questions.  

 

 

2023-03-02
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301: Genetics,BPD, Getting Your Health on Track,Group performance,Nosy Neighbors

Upcoming seminar Sun, Feb 19:  True to Life Seminar - visit www.TrueToLife.us to register. 

 

In this show, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. I am still trying to figure out genetics and evolution (I wasn't taught it), so I might be way oversimplifying this. If you get a set of genes from your parents and they get a set of genes from each of their parents, wouldn't you be able to track a certain genetic trait as being from either one of your parents or one of their parents? 2. You have previously explained borderline personality.  Can we have a refresher on this, and do you have a better moniker it? 3. If you had to map out the very best way to get on the right track or stay on the right track for my health, What would be the best things for me to do? 4. My organization is constantly trying to access and improve 'group performance' and there are a variety of corporate tools marketed to optimize the effectiveness of work Teams. Is this bunk or does this have any relevance. More broadly, what do you think of "Organizational Psychology?" and does this relate? 5. My wife and I recently moved to a very exclusive neighbourhood. It?s a small, rich neighbourhood and we thought before we moved here that we would enjoy a lot of privacy and that people would keep to themselves. However, we have discovered to our horror hat we have extremely nosy, over-friendly, and slightly interfering neighbours. What can I do to enforce boundaries without falling out with them and potentially creating even bigger issues?

2023-02-09
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299:Eugenics & EvoPsych, Child threatens suicide, Bad child blaming good parents

1. I am curious about an unpopular subject: systematic eugenics.  Has "random? selection in the mating market already produced the best possible human genes combinations? Could we generate humans with drastically higher IQ, strength, size, speed, athleticism, beauty, etc? What do you think is the hypothetical limit of human genetic potential for outlier individuals and for the average of a population?  This kind of discussion is often obscured by the obvious practical and ethical problems, rather than what it could theoretically achieve.

2.My husband's daughter is extremely disagreeable, low conscientiousness, low IQ, highly introverted, open to drugs and alcohol and unstable. She is in constant crisis and is constantly threatening suicide. My husband and I have really tried to be there for her and never miss a call, but her constant cries for attention are draining and have taken years off our lives. I don't want to discount anything that she is feeling but my and my husband's mental health are really suffering and we don't know what to do. 

3.How do you respond to a child who has no recognition of their limitations? i.e. on the verge of being fired because they constantly call in "sick," show up late, don't do their job. Or the child who barely passed chemistry but says they are going to med school? Even if we say "That's great, but I understand med school is a lot of work" she gets mad and tells us and all her friends that we told her that she was a loser and a failure and because of us, she isn't going to med school anymore and instead she's stuck in a minimum wage job. Then she gets depressed at what might have been if we hadn't held her back. But if we say nothing, then she tries and fails (or fails to try) and becomes depressed and that somehow becomes our fault too.

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-01-26
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298: Depression in the modern world vs. Stone Age

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following question:

Given that depression is inherently demotivating (because it is failure feedback that tells you to stop what you're doing), how might one 'bootstrap' oneself into more positive, motivated mood states? I wonder what people in the Stone Age village would have done to bounce back from failure feedback; it makes most of us want to curl into a ball and die. How does depression actually end up benefiting and motivating us?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-01-12
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295: Nothing satisfies, Euthanasia, Tragedies, Adrenaline junkies, Homophobia

In today's show (episode 295), Dr. Lisle discusses the following questions:

I am a 35 year old female and I don?t know what to do with my life. I have a bachelors degree in biochemistry and doctorate degree in pharmacy. I worked as a clinical pharmacist for a year but I got bored and I quit. Then I worked as a massage therapist, a real estate agent, and a dental hygienist. I got bored of these as well. They just didn?t satisfy me, even though I don?t even know what I?m looking for or what I want. My relationships are the same as my careers - casual at best with many different men. I really want to settle down in a career and relationship but I just seem unable to. What should I do? The euthanasia law changes in Canada to include mental illness as a valid reason seem deeply disturbing to me based on an evolutionary psychology perspective for people in the majority of situations. This would have been considered a "slippery slope" argument on euthanasia in the past, I cannot see how they are considered logical fallacies anymore at this point. What is your libertarian perspective on this issue given your wealth of knowledge within these areas? My son recently became disabled. If ?finding yourself in good circumstances? is what leads to feelings of happiness, how will I ever feel happiness again? How could I ever feel ?happiness? for him if everything about his life is now difficult and painful. These are not good circumstances. My pain and sadness for him and his future is indescribable. Can you discuss adrenaline rush and the people who seek it? especially with respect to free climbers.. i mean i get the status acquisition part but god are they crazy ?  I am curious about how homophobic sentiment arose in humans. Has it always been there?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2023-01-05
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297: It's the End of the... Year 2022

In our final show of 2022, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle have a discussion about current events and the year to come.  For more information on their upcoming "True to Life" Seminar being held live & virtually on Feb 19th , please visit www.TruetoLife.us  

 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-12-29
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294: Cultural appropriation/Oppression Olympics, Mate choice, Finding dream job

Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk are having a virtual seminar Sunday Feb 19, 2023.  Visit www.TrueToLife.us for details! 

In today's episode, the Dr's discuss:

Could you discuss cultural appropriation?  Especially with regards to not sporting wigs etc I for one really admire when people dress up like people from my culture and use the same hair and face accessories even though in the past we were under colonial rule and oppressed. Are men, now, in a world where women also make a lot of money, willing to sleep down if they themselves don't make much money? In episode 288, the Dr's talked about how one might stumble into a dream job - and exposed the dynamics that would have likely taken place. Could you help us get some idea of how young people in their 20s can increase the likelihood of stumbling into a good fit job.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-12-22
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296: Do minorities have low self-esteem, Interrupting, Neuroplasticity

Announcements:    -On Feb 19, 2023, Dr. Lisle & Howk are doing a Live Seminar called the True to Life Series.  

Registration link:  www.TrueToLife.us -Episodes 294 & 295 will be released in the coming weeks. 

 

In today's show the dr's discuss: 

Do people feel disgust for themselves when they are a minority in the village? Like you?ve said, disgust evolved not just out of a sense of right and wrong, but also out of infection and threat. So, my question is, do (racial, sexual, etc) minorities suffer because their internal audience will be in tune with the majority community's sense of disgust and/or threat around them? How important is it to have people who look, think, love, and are like you for your self esteem? What is the psychology behind interrupting people in conversation? I?ve read that we?re ?wired to tie up loose ends? meaning that it feels good to tie up a thought that may get forgotten about or change as the conversation carries on. Also, do you think most people really listen to what we are saying or are they just waiting for their turn to speak? Can neuroplasticity be used to change personality ? or is it that the DNA remains the same thus the way new neurons or connections form is also predetermined ?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-12-15
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293: Child behavior problems, Do men cope by retreating?

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss:

How well does clinical evolutionary psychology explain and treat behavioural problems of children such as aggression or violence (often in cases even towards their own parents who have a reliable history of being loving and warm and not abusive). Any recommendations for literature/ reading sources/ books on psychology for people interested in dealing with aggressive kids? I have been told often that men retreat from their romantic partner emotionally when they are upset, is that a gender difference in coping mechanisms or is it just that men are inherently less invested in relationships than women? 1)what impact has women's education and empowerment had on gender dynamics? 2)if left to our primal instincts i.e. hypothetically if in a place where humans are born and there is no culture to begin with, would men be inseminating attractive women left right and centre forcefully/ by overpowering them (especially adolescent fertile girls) or is there now a genetic component of mutual consent seeking ?
2022-11-03
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292: Ditzy girls, Gratitude, Quality of your internal audience, Empathy

Why do men seem to be so enraptured by ?ditzy? girls? They trip over themselves trying to take care of her. Is it an behavioral manifestation of attractive estrogen levels in the woman? How did gratitude and gratefulness come to evolve in human beings. if one analyses it, it is an extremely complex highly advanced thought process about how bad a situation could have been and the fact that its not one must accept, acknowledge and recalibrate one's esteem cues and status so as to not be sad/depressed/ low about a certain event. How does one?s personality influence the quality of the internal audience? I can imagine that someone higher in C would have a lower or maybe harsher internal audience. I am curious about a few inferences I made about the interface between environment and personality. High conscientiousness and agreeableness implies a higher likelihood of accepting and following social norms. In other words, these genetic traits are responsible for preserving the cultural environment. On the other hand, a person with high conscientiousness but low agreeableness is more likely to develop and carry out their own credo, based more on their personal experiences and judgement. Does any of that pass the smell test, or better yet, is there research that supports or disconfirms any of it? Over a period of million years, if we keep eating the way we eat (high fat salt sugar diet),would eventually those individuals get selected whose genetic variations are such that can tolerate the high fat diet and still survive for a hundred years. would that be a fitter, new species then ? Could you explain empathy , the processes involved, the CB that we run, etc through the lens of evo psych. Also is empathy a cognitive process or it is a means to an end i.e. a signalling device?
2022-10-20
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291: Is addiction more likely in sad people, Evo Psych in classrooms

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

Dear doctors, although addiction has been discussed extensively already im still trying to piece it together, thus would like your comments on the following: In a state of anxiety, stress and depression where we are getting negative esteem cues and dopamine levels are low, a substance that boosts dopamine can take one from 20 to say 80 on pleasure scale, whereas if you are content and calm that substance may take you from a 60 to say 70 or 80 which the brain doesnt recognise as a significant increment. does this mean that poeple who are sad are much more likely to get addicted to substances, much like the harvard study revealed? Do you think it would be beneficial to include evolutionary psychology in school curriculums? At what age would children be able to grasp and understand these concepts? What impact would an awareness of our instinct to grade attractiveness and our genetic constraints of majorly being attracted to people 20% above and below ( depending on mating strategy) have on human relations and behaviour? Would it ultimately enrich life experiences? My dad was a smoker in his twenties. my mom told me that he gave it up after the birth of my elder sister. growing up i remember that there was a sealed packet of cigarettes in a certain drawer that never moved, which my dad had kept to remind himself of the fact that he had quit and to practise willpower. after learning about channel factors this seems like a stupid decision in retrospect. what may be your comments on this?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-10-06
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290: Need to understand, How BYG started, Childless, Bad Childhood & depression

In today's show, the dr's discuss:

How does evolutionary psychology approach the complex human need to understand how/why/when about the workings of the universe   hello! i am just curious how this podcast came into being and the aim behind it, as it appears to be an extremely altruistic dissipation of scientifically accurate advice and help. highly grateful for it. thankyou! greetings! i am 23 years old, from a pretty conservative nation and feel i have missed out on many life experiences thus do not want a kid as i want the rest of my life completely for myself and for the pursuit of other achievements. today's seemingly increasingly apocalyptic world (due to climate change and resource shortage) further kills the desire to bring forth a child. i feel its the poorly lived childhood and early adult experiences that prevent me from wanting a kid. would it be possible to understand the psychology behind it with respect to the fact that childhood experiences don't shape our desires? why do some women not want kids? Does having bad childhood experiences cause depression? Who?s philosophers view of the world do you agree with the most? What does Dr.Lisle think of the view of ancient Greek atomists?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-09-29
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289: Ideal exercise, Resentment, Frustrated with dating, Getting better tips

What is the ideal level of exercise for one's health? Five years ago, I was diagnosed with severe OCD. After two years of painstaking efforts, I successfully got off SSRI and recovered without the help of therapy sessions. During the height of OCD, my wife treated me with contempt, frustration, anger, hostility and total lack of compassion and patience. She justified that in the past - when were were still a new couple - that I was harsh, critical and rude towards her. How can I get over my resentments? I feel like I am losing my mind in the dating world. I feel like men don?t want to lift a finger for a relationship. Much less to even meet a girl and get laid.  I?m on a dating site and get multiple likes or matches a day. I talk to guys over the app and they quickly give up. I talk to some longer term, meet up and it?s like they don?t want to put much effort into getting together. I think that at least 70% of it has to do with my kid and that takes some work and maneuvering. And no one seems willing to do it! It?s like fast food dating or what?! I feel like I am over qualified for most these men, will settle for less, and I don?t hardly get a ?what?s up babe?. It?s extremely frustrating and disappointing and makes me second guess myself every minute. I wish I could send you pictures of myself and pictures of these men I?d settle for and almost have to chase for their attention. I must be either uncalibrated or something has gone majorly wrong in the dating world. I will be graduating from cosmetology school next month. As a professional hair stylist, tips will make up a significant part of my income. I am curious about the psychology of tipping. Is there anything that I can do to increase my chances of receiving a generous tip from my clients?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-09-01
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288: Anti-depressant news, Ruined by dating a hot guy, Finding a dream job

In today's show, the Dr's discuss new evidence about anti-depressant treament and then discuss the following questions: 

I think I have messed up my dopamine reward system and I don't know how to fix it or if I want to. I am early 40's, single and have been in many relationships. I don't have trouble attracting men. I think if I just decided it was time then I would settle for one but to me it is boring and mundane and I only feel excited by unpredictable, magnetic dynamics with men. For the last couple of years I've had an online FWB who lives overseas. He has a bit of a high profile and so the reward I felt from attracting him and engaging with him long term has been really high. Now that I attracted someone so unattainable I can't get excited about anyone else. I didn't used to be like this. I had plenty of loser bfs in the past. Wtf is wrong with me? And if I don't fix it, will I end up alone and be a miserable old person? My partner?s parents are in their early 70s and still love what they do, jumping out of bed to start work each day as they did 40 years ago. Both work in creative fields.  It?s not clear if they found the perfect careers, or if they would take the same excitable, have-at-it attitude to any path they had followed.  Are people who find their dream job genetically predisposed to do so? Is it in their own personalities to work with such passion and positivity or does everyone have that potential, if the right job comes along?
2022-08-18
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287: Dr. Howk on Current Events

In today's show, Dr. Jen Howk discusses some current events. 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-08-18
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286: Pair bond must-haves, Spirituality & EvoPsych, Creating an alter ego

In today's show, the doctor's discuss: 

If your relationship status is single, would you only look to someone with your diet lifestyle as someone you'd only be interested in dating and possible pair bond? Can spirituality fit into evolutionary psychology? My question is about creating an alter ego - Apparently sports people do it and David Goggins did it. David Goggins was a flake and overweight and had no prospects and by his own admission was a liar. Then he basically turned his life around and became a Navy seal and said he did it by inventing an Alter ego called Goggins. So does this suggest personality can be changed. I know current theory is it is largely inherited. He also said an important part of his transformation was the accountability mirror. You basically look in the mirror every day and be completely honest about who and what you are and then from there you can change what you don?t like about yourself. Any merit in this?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-07-21
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285: Roe v Wade, Body Positivity in Women, Blank Slate model appeal

In today's show, the dr's discuss:

Current events re: Roe v Wade There is so much about ?body positivity? on the media and women growing their body hair out especially. On social media I read mainly positive comments on this, but especially from women, while some men are making rather jokey comments. I was just wondering what might be the motivation for women who keep saying stuff like ?good on her?, ?if only I was braver, I?d do the same?, etc??? Like they?re all claiming that removal of body hair is forced on us by recent culture. Is it though? I personally as a women hate my body hair and have removed it since before puberty. To me it actually feels "natural" to remove it. So I wonder if there is any perspective on this specific topic from the evolutionary psychology perspective? What is your erudite opinion on why the ?blank slate? model seem to particularly appeal to certain "character types" more than others.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-07-07
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284: Dropout daughter, Autism, Social connections, Rethinking 10 paid dates?

In today's show, the drs discuss

I am worried about my daughter. She graduated with a perfect gpa while also modeling. After her degree, she moved to pursue modelling but she soon developed an eating disorder and quit.  Subsequently, she attended medical school but dropped out due to an illness caused by stress. She moved back home but she doesn?t want to work or go back to school. In fact, she barely leaves the house. Whenever I try to talk to her about it, she starts crying and we never get anywhere. I hate to see her waste her life like this. Please help, I don?t know what to do to help. Any thoughts on autism or Asperger?s, particularly in women? I am a 35 year-old woman who has struggled in life in very specific ways. I?m trying to figure out if my issues are related to being on the spectrum or if they are simply a result of the combination of my big 5. I find friendships draining, and the cost of friendships are not worth the payback. My concern is that there is pressure to make and maintain social connections, for example Dr. Dean Ornish believes social connections are one key to reversing disease. My concern is this pressure could cause unnecessary anxiety for some people, who become anxious trying to keep connections, when they could be just as happy without them.  I?m trying to follow your 10 paid dates strategy, but men just don?t pay anymore! Isn?t this a slightly archaic expectation or do I need to lower my standards? I?m 40 and would very much like to find the right man and have a kid while I still can. I?m athletic, a solid 9 physically, of high intelligence, relatively successful and highly agreeable. I?ve been on dating apps for over a year and been on countless dates. The only man who paid for our date knew about the 10 paid dates strategy and was honest enough to tell me he?s only interested in casual mating.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-06-16
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283: Attachment styles, Confidence, Impostor Syndrome

In today's show, the Dr's discuss: 1. Are attachment styles just the last trend in psychodynamic nonsense? Or is there some legitimacy to it? 2. I wanted to get your perspectives on the trait of confidence. Do you view confidence as a combination of Big5 traits? Is there such a thing as internal confidence or is it all driven by market feedback with respect to mates, friends, and trading partners? I'm particularly interested in understanding if there are ways to help children feel more confident.  3. Please can you help me with 'Imposter Syndrome'? I was recently offered, seemingly out of the blue, a stellar opportunity to work at the highest tier of my industry that I am yet to complete training in. I am HC, HA, HN, above av intelligence. After weeks of stress & emotional turmoil, not to mention hard work, I pulled off a great presentation and have been flooded with esteem & positive feedback & people wanting to work with me. Not soley because of the presentation, but my name must be getting 'out there' in my field. I am in a permanent state of bewilderment & anxiety. I cannot seem to internalise, accept as true and enjoy my 'success.' I feel like a fraud and that my new clients are overestimating me and will be disappointed. Please help, these feelings are crippling and are inhibiting me moving forward. NB This is my third career and I have not experienced anything like this before.
2022-06-09
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282: Do women avoid direct help? Career confusion, Sister needs bone marrow

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle goes over: 

What would be the stone age benefit for women to seek only compassion and not direct help or solutions? I grew up in a household with parents who successfully left their home countries and ?made it? as engineers in the US. I grew up with the expectation that I would follow their trajectory - I completed a bachelors, a masters, and was always ?en-route? to medical school. Post-graduate school though, things started to look a little differently for me. I lost academic steam and I fell into mystical, artsy land. Recently, I feel like I woke up from a pity-party slumber. I am getting back on the path to medical school. The problem? I am torn. I find myself battling 3 different lives: a life of sacrifice to others through usage of my scientific aptitude, a life of being a jester and using my charm to brighten people?s lives, and a life of solitude in pursuit of philosophical truths. So what do I do? Why have I been torn in this position for the past 3 years since graduate school? Am I stuck in black-or-white thinking and can do all three, or have I subconsciously ran a cost-benefit analysis and have determined certain routes aren?t worth it? My sister is in need of bone marrow. As her only sibling, I would be ideal for this and have a 25% chance of matching. But this comes with serious risks for the donor. Unlike my sister, I take good care of myself, eating a whole foods diet. I am not on any medication and avoid taking even aspirins. Also unlike my sister, I am vehemently opposed to taking the vaccine. However, my doctor says that I will likely be forced to take it if I want to be her donor. I could postpone a decision and simply find out if I'm a match, but if I am, I will feel compelled to continue going down this road, a road I'm not sure I want to go down. How do I make this decision?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-05-26
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280: Lazy husband, Painful sex, Bf might wander, High T & agreeable?

In today's show, the doctors discuss: 

 I have been married for 8 years to a man who is a federal government employee. He is very responsible and reliable. Now, since the pandemic, he has been working from home 4-5x/week. I have notice how lazy he is. I workout, eat clean, do the cooking and all the cleaning. I find myself getting so irritated when I am with him. He is overweight and growing. He literally sits watching TV or reading articles on the computer and eating crap during working hours. I do not understand why my habits are not more influential.  My question is, how can in manage my feelings of frustrations and irritability. I border lack of respect and even attraction to him, am I being too dramatic. I am in a relationship for about 4 years now.  I am an agreeable introvert she is disagreeable introvert.. we both like spending time together and doing things, but our sex life is not great, she has some medical reasons and penetration is painful.. and this is something that comes up every now and then, she confessed previous relationships ended because of this, i can feel it most times she is not enjoying having sex, but she puts up with it.  My question is, is such dynamic possible, can a relationship survive long term, my sex drive is quite high, i'm 30, she is 28.. i feel like we should make it work but dont know what are the odds of this, i find myself reaching out different outlets to express my needs. How can I tell if my boyfriend is in love with/is really interested in his 'female friend'? How often would you say intuition is right in these situations?  Is it possible to be an agreeable highly testosteronized male?   What would such a male look like?  This confuses me bc I often think of highly testosteronized as a dominance climbing, aggressiveans & competitive and so am wondering how these traits co-exist.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-04-28
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279: BF's career, Women abusing men, Video games, Afraid to talk, gender theory

In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses: 

Should I be worried if my boyfriend's career is a higher priority than me and our future family? If I was the love of his life would his career still be more important than me? He is 40 and a financier on wall street. What are the ways women abuse men? Is the silent treatment, inducing jealousy, withholding intimacy, considered abusive? I?m a woman and I found myself doing these things in a toxic relationship in which my partner called me abusive, which made me wonder if I was. You've only briefly touched on video games on the podcast, and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on the psychology behind them. What do you link their popularity as an entertain medium / form of escape to?You've only briefly touched on video games on the podcast, and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on the psychology behind them. What do you link their popularity as an entertain medium form of escape to? I am a 35 year old female who is afraid to talk to men. I am so nervous when talking to the opposite sex that it is affecting my work and studies, to the point where I chose to pursue a professional degree in which the majority of students are female. I avoid interacting with males wherever I go; I always choose female doctors or dentists and only speak to female salespersons when in a store. At 35, I have never been on a date, which my friends (who are female) and family think is weird. I have never been traumatized by a man, never been raped, and had a good childhood. I know this is not normal and would like to overcome this. I am a student in my 3rd year of a bachelor of psychology. No matter the subject, the courses always manage to devote a section to gender theory. Its taught as a fact that gender is a series of norms socialized into us and have no basis in biology. Where does evolutionary psychology fall on gender theory?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-04-28
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278: Sexual disgust, Meaningful and authentic esteem dynamic in a pair bond

In today's show, the Dr's discuss:

can you illuminate us a bit about the nature of sexual disgust. I am currently seeing a man who is very much in love with me and is a good match for me in general. I like him very much and can imagine him as a future partner. However, I hate being touched by him. I feel so grossed out by it,it doesn't turn me on at all and so I avoid physical intimacy with him. Is there any way to get over this or should I just quit? My ex that I was with for one year that's 60 pounds overweight and objectively a 4 cheated on me even though I'm 108 pounds with about a .7 hip to waist ratio and at least a 7. Why would this happen? I dated him because I thought he would appreciate how much more attractive than him I was and thus treat me well and not cheat on me at the least! The girls he has dated before me and cheated on me with were less attractive than me. He even said they were only 'okay'. He told me he makes seven figures but I estimate it to be $200,00 which is still great so maybe that's why he thinks he's so great and better than me? He showed me the ring he was going to propose to me with as a last ditch effort to get me to not break up with him which was apparently $80,000. My guess is that it's actually around $15,000. Other than that, he doesn't seem interested in marriage in general even though he's 41. Is he just naturally a short-term mater unless he's insanely rewarded? If he really valued me wouldn't he not risk losing me over some random girls? Please tell me what I'm doing wrong and what's going on, I have an open loop about this and I feel like I can't stop thinking about this until I understand every small detail so I can avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-03-31
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277: Do ppl marry out of necessity, Assessing happiness, Contribution Anxiety

In today's show, the Dr's discuss: 

My male friend told me he married his wife even though he was in love with an ex-girlfriend because he could trust her to be loyal whereas he couldn't trust his ex. How often do men do this? How good/bad of a situation is this for the wife who wants a reliable husband and father until death does them part(she might be concerned about him having an affair with the ex)? How do I assess how to stimulate/encourage my brain's moods of happiness? I?ve always been quite anxious but this feeling has worsened in the past two years. I always feel a sense of insecurity about the future as well as inferiority to everyone. I question my decisions and my capabilities. Is it a real fear that signals that I?m not ?contributing to the village? or is it just my personality?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-03-10
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276: Jealousy & Possessive behavior, Crystal Clear, Deception in dating

In this episode, Dr. Lisle discusses: 

Is jealous and controlling/possessive behavior a sign that a romantic partner loves you or is just a something to do with their personality? Does crystal clear usually only work with honest people? I suppose a dishonest person would lie and manipulate during the crystal clear, therefore the best outcome of the conversation would be finding out the truth despite their dishonesty and/or terminating the relationship because of the realization of their dishonesty and that it carries too many costs. How common is it for men to be successfully deceived about a woman's promiscuity? How easy is it for men to correctly 'sniff out' a woman's promiscuity? How common is it for women to lie about their promiscuity?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-02-24
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275: Sex frequency issue, Cheating on Horace, Current Events

In today's show, the doctors discuss: 

Dear Doctors, my husband and I have been married for 5 1/2 years now, and have an amazing relationship. We agree on most things, enjoy spending time together, have great communication and have very infrequent arguments. One thing (probably the only thing) we do argue about is my sex drive and my husband?s penis size. If my husband had it his way, we would have sex twice a day, every day and for me there is about a 10 day window every month where I actually want to have sex and the rest of the month I have absolutely no desire. My husband believes it is because he has a ?small penis? even though he is the one who noticed my sexual desire peaks around my ovulation window. When we do have sex it is amazing and we are both fulfilled. No matter how many times I tell him he satisfies me and it has nothing to do with him or his size, he does not believe me. When I do engage in sexual activity outside of my ?window? it is solely for him, and he can tell that I do not enjoy it. He immediately thinks of his penis size and gets depressed about it and he truly believes if he were bigger I would want him more. How do we move past this as a couple? How does a woman prevent herself from cheating on her ?horace? husband with a ?jimmy? and losing his fathering to their children if she?s not in a magic 10% relationship? The recent episode about current events was alarming. I understand the basics of what's happening, but is the gravity of the situation being exaggerated by the doctors? Could they be falling into the trap of being the wise prophet foretelling doom in the stone age? That concept has been discussed on the podcast before so I'm curious their thoughts on it now.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

 

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

2022-02-11
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