39. How to Create Strong Bonds with Resistant Stepkids

You want to be connected to your step-kids.  You want to experience that bond you had hoped for early on.  The bond you knew would take some work, but now seems impossible to experience…

…now there seems to be a wall that's standing between you and the step-kids you love.  That wall is robbing you of the connection you really want.

Sure, you understand that many of the bricks that built that wall originated from your step-child's resistance to you.  But you also know there's more to the story than just a stubborn kid.

You know there's got to be a way to dismantle the wall, but most of what you've tried doesn't seem to be working.

I remember feeling that way with my step-daughter.  We started out so great, but several years into our blended family journey the wall seemed to get built almost overnight.

At times I felt hopeless.  Some days the wall seemed insurmountable.  But as I kept at it — trying new ways of removing bricks and creating connection, Kim and I finally found some strategies that worked.

We shared these strategies with some other step-couples we knew and found that they were making progress on dismantling the walls in their blended family too!

We're sharing a handful of those strategies in this episode.  

Don't let that wall of resistance keep you from experiencing the bonds you really want with your step-kids.  Use these strategies to create an atmosphere in your home that will help connections emerge and strong bonds for the long-run will eventually become your family's reality.

You'll Discover:

• How to stop trying to prove yourself to your step-kids
• One critical message your step-child needs to hear from you over and over again
• How to focus on being an advocate rather than a disciplinarian
• Where to focus so that you can take the pressure off yourself (and your family)
• What to listen for in order to loosen up the binds kids experience

Resources from this Episode:

We mentioned several different episodes that will help you learn more.  Here they are in order of how we mentioned them:

• Episode 37 — Why do Kids Struggle to Accept Their Stepparent?
• Episode 13 — How to Parent as a Team in Your Blended Famliy
• Episode 30 — Should Step-Parents Want Authority with Their Step-Kids?
• Episode 25 — How to Survive Alone Time with Your Step-Kids
• Episode 14 — 3 Helpful Steps to Overcome Your "Perfectionistic" Ideals & Disappointments
• Episode 29 — What is a Loyalty Bind and What Can You Do About It?

We also mentioned Lauren Reitsema's book which you can check out here:  In Their Shoes

And finally, if you want to join our Patreon community to learn more about the 3 most important messages you need to speak to your step-kids, just click here. 

Subscribe & Review in Apple Podcasts

Are you subscribed to our podcast yet?  If not, then subscribe today so you don't miss any episodes.  Click here to subscribe