107 - One Hundred Seven

[TRANSCRIPT]

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Dear Harry, 

I have no postcard to write on, but I’m still going to address this missive to you. I need to—it’s hard, to go back to talking to everyone after so many months of talking to someone. And you’re the only other someone I know, so you’ll serve as stand-in for the time being. 

You’ve probably never been ignored by a friend. You’ve been ignored by me, but I’m not sure you ever considered me a friend. 

I don’t know what I consider you. A pain in the ass, a force of nature, the only person I trust. 

That’s…that’s quite the realization to have, actually. But it’s true. You’re the only person alive I trust. Though that trust is conditional. It didn’t used to be. I used to trust you with everything—the truth, my life. I thought I could trust you with—

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Well, the truth and my life should have been enough. And it wasn’t…it wasn’t just because I had to. It wasn’t just default. You’d always been honest with me—brutally so—and you’d kept me alive these past six years, even when it would have been easier not to bother. But then you had to go and—

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I don’t know why I still trust you. With the truth and with my life. Maybe it’s because I think you should trust me. I think I—I’ve earned it, I—

And not because—I never wanted you to trust me because how it all began, I never wanted to hold that over you. Make you feel as though you owed me. Maybe you do owe me. I don’t know, I don’t know what to think now. 

That was something you put on yourself. You could’ve left at any time, you didn’t need to repent or—

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I think, you know, if you can hear this, you’re probably disagreeing with me out loud as you sit in your studio. That’s where I’m imagining you’re keeping the radio. 

But maybe that’s wishful thinking, maybe I just like the idea of you having it nearby, so you can hear anything that might come through—

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Oh, you got me all mixed up. 

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Anyway. I know you disagree with me. I know you think that the choice I made was extreme, that we could’ve figured something else out, but…I don’t think that’s true. I think it was the best option we had and I think if I hadn’t been there, you would, you would have made the same choice. You think that you can outsmart anyone, that you can clever your way out of any situation, but that is provably not true. You would do what had to be done. 

“But that’s what I’m saying, Abigail, it didn’t have to be done at all” —that’s what you’re saying right now, I can hear it perfectly in my head. And not just because it’s a conversation we’ve had before. Because I know—I know you. And I know…I know you. Despite everything, despite what you—

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See? I don’t even need you to radio back, I can do both sides of this conversation. I don’t need anyone to be on the other side. 

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