266 - Two Hundred Sixty Six

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[TRANSCRIPT]

Hi, Scarlet. God, this is trippy. I guess I'm talking to Red, too, because. Well, I don't know what you all can hear of what I'm hearing, but, Red, if you can hear me. A person? Well, a person that sounded just like you reached out and says their name is Scarlet, or that's a pseudonym that they chose because of you. Well, now I don't know who I'm talking to. Two different versions of the same person speaking to me from two distinct universes. Both universes sound tough. And lonely. But universes in which the two of you have taken very different paths, had very different lives and experiences. 

I think about her all the time. The other me. Well, all of the other me's. What are they doing? What lives are they living? In how many universes are they already dead? In how many universes are there accompanying Harry's keeping all of those Whiskey's company. In how many universes are those Harry's driving all of those Whiskeys completely insane and vice versa? 

I shouldn't say that. Things have been a little better lately. The arguments fewer and farther between, but...I don't know. Now we're at the point where things are just aimless. We settled into a rhythm. For a while there, you know, in Pennsylvania. And then obviously the year I was gone...well. That was aimless in its own way, but the driving without a destination in mind was kind of the point. But I don't- I don't think we're ready to settle back down. 

But we need to do something. We can't just keep moving from place to place without any destination in mind or without any purpose. Harry really needs a purpose and we've gotten good at the staying alive bit that that's not going to keep her occupied for long. I'm not going to keep her occupied for long, I- 

How do you keep a brain active when you only hear one voice? Scarlet, you said that you've only been hearing your own voice for the last seven years, and I can't even imagine what that's like. Just having Harry to talk to - just one other person to talk to - it's not that we've...I haven't gotten sick of her. I worry sometimes that I'm not interesting enough for her, but. I don't know. 

Even with what we are to each other now, with what we're trying to be to each other, that hunger to find more people...it's still there. I think she feels it too. She doesn't want to admit it because she doesn't want to admit that she spent seven years cooped up in that house with me, begging me not to leave for nothing, but... 

We can't change the past as much as we might want to. And there's no way of knowing who else might be out there. I'm really glad, Scarlet, to have broken the silence for you, to have brought color into the life of your counterpart and I don't know, maybe brightened some other sense of some other you somewhere, but is that enough? Don't you want to find someone? Have you tried looking--? Sorry. Bad choice of words. I just mean...are you certain that you're alone? 

Because we weren't. Junior and Donnie have been out there this whole time and...I've tried- I've tried reaching out to Birdie again. I even called out for Fox a few times. You may have heard it. I don't know, but having some kind of guidance, having some kind of direction to go in, it was...well, it was really frustrating, but it was also helpful. And Birdie, they said something had changed, that they couldn't see the path clearly any more, that the timeline we were in was different than the timeline we started in and I-- 

Nothing's different. Nothing is different and I don't know if I'm terrified of finding out what's changed or if I'm dying to know. 

What would you do, Scarlet? If you could change your world, press a button saying that things would be different, but you didn't know in which direction, would you do it? Or would you choose to keep things the same even if it's not quite enough? It's still safe. Would that be better?

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