Cinephobe

Watch this week's Look At This Photograph on YouTube

Zach, Amin and Mayes are headed to London for a high profile funeral, making them sitting ducks for someone trying to wipe out all of Cinephobe in one fell swoop.

Those better be comfortable shoes.

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Cinephobe is now on Youtube! Subscribe and check out CT5s and Look At This Photograph on Video.

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CTD @countthedings IG: @cinephobepod Threads: @cinephobepod 

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Watch this episode on YouTube

Fresh off of Gryla's shapeshifting shenanigans in Red One, Zach Amin and Mayes come up with the people or things in Cinephobe they would most like to turn into.

Plus, a long awaited update to the sound board.

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Join the Count The Dings Patreon for Rewatchingtons, Ad-Free Episodes, Extended Cold Opens and more at www.patreon.com/CountTheDings

Cinephobe is now on Youtube! Subscribe and check out CT5s and Look At This Photograph on Video.

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Follow Cinephobe on Twitter, Instagram & Threads:

CTD @countthedings IG: @cinephobepod Threads: @cinephobepod 

Zach Harper @talkhoops IG: @talkhoops Threads: @talkhoops

Amin Elhassan @darthamin IG: @darthamin Threads: @darthamin 

Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

Email: [email protected]

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Watch this week's Look At This Photograph on YouTube

Zach, Amin and Mayes are a couple of Level 4 Naughty Listers who have drawn the ire of Santa's Enforcement Logistics and Fortification squad.

Will they be able to make a complete reversal in character and morality in time to save Christmas?

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Cinephobe is now on Youtube! Subscribe and check out CT5s and Look At This Photograph on Video.

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CTD @countthedings IG: @cinephobepod Threads: @cinephobepod 

Zach Harper @talkhoops IG: @talkhoops Threads: @talkhoops

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Watch this week's Look At This Photograph on YouTube

And shepherds we shall be.

For Thee, my Lord, for Thee.

Power hath descended forth from Thy hand.

That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command.

So we shall flow a river forth to Thee.

And teeming with Cinephobes shall it ever be.

In Nomine Patris, et Fili, et Spiritus Sancti.

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Join the Count The Dings Patreon for Rewatchingtons, Ad-Free Episodes, Extended Cold Opens and more at www.patreon.com/CountTheDings

Cinephobe is now on Youtube! Subscribe and check out CT5s and Look At This Photograph on Video.

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CTD @countthedings IG: @cinephobepod Threads: @cinephobepod 

Zach Harper @talkhoops IG: @talkhoops Threads: @talkhoops

Amin Elhassan @darthamin IG: @darthamin Threads: @darthamin 

Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Watch this episode on YouTube

Zach, Amin and Mayes are turning Cinephobe classics into a combination, replacing characters or plot points from one movie with another.

It's a little bit Tango & Cash, it's definitely a little bit D2 The Mighty Ducks. It's kind of a cosmic gumbo. It almost moves to the beat of jazz.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Zach, Amin, Mayes and Roy abruptly retired from podcasting after a deal gone bad, but they get forced back into action when trouble comes tapping on their shoulder in the form of a Jamaican gang leader with blue contacts named Screwface.

Be sure to check out our new video segment for Look At This Photograph on the Cinephobe YouTube

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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We're closing out 2024 with a time capsule, turning back the clock to the extended cold opens from D2 The Mighty Ducks in January through the Sudden Death double header in April.

Remember Noodle? When Steamboat Willie entered the public domain? Skippy the Bush Kangaroo? The creation of the Unhoused Gentleman?

It's been quite a year, thanks for listening along with us as we catalog the dregs of Hollywood.

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Cinephobe is now on Youtube! Subscribe and check out CT5s and Look At This Photograph on Video.

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CTD @countthedings IG: @cinephobepod Threads: @cinephobepod 

Zach Harper @talkhoops IG: @talkhoops Threads: @talkhoops

Amin Elhassan @darthamin IG: @darthamin Threads: @darthamin 

Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Zach, Amin and Mayes conclude their award season by looking back at the most astonishing and jaw dropping Golden Dumpsters of 2024. From the quack attack kicking off Amin's canonization campaign through the epic Zach-Mayes pick swap and return to Gotham, we unveil our favorite moments of the year.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are double dipping on Hallmark Christmas movies like Two Scoops McGee plunging an ice cream cone into hot fudge (ope!).

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Zach, Amin and Mayes answer listener questions live on YouTube to help close out 2024.

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Whichever of Zach, Amin or Mayes gets hitched first becomes CEO of Cinephobe, complete with unlimited access to the private jet, thanks to the traditional values of a deceased Nana.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Zach, Amin and Mayes continue their award season by looking back at the most astonishing and jaw dropping performances of 2024 (but in a bad way). From the quack attack kicking off Amin's canonization campaign through the epic Zach-Mayes pick swap and return to Gotham, we unveil our least favorite thespians of the year.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are spending another Christmas in the trenches, separated from their family once again and racking up countless attempted murder charges against those relentless Wet Bandits.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are headed out back to their murder shed to hang with Mr. Highway and shoot their homemade crossbow.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Believe it or not, another year is drawing to a close, so it's time for Zach, Amin and Mayes to kick off their award season by looking back at the most astonishing and jaw dropping performances of 2024. From the quack attack kicking off Amin's canonization campaign through the epic Zach-Mayes pick swap and return to Gotham, we unveil our favorite thespians of the year.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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It's been 170 Cinephobe years since Zach, Amin & Mayes last visited Gotham City, but the time has come to complete the Schumacher double feature.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Zach, Amin and Mayes dive headfirst into a world of obsession, paranoia and the esoteric procession of the number 23.

Zach Harper

26 + 1 + 3 + 8 = 38 | 8 + 1 + 18 + 16 + 5 + 18 = 66 |

Amin Elhassan

1+ 13 + 9 + 14 = 37 | 5 + 12 + 8 + 1 + 19 + 19 + 1 + 14 = 65 |

Anthony Mayes

1 + 14 + 20 + 8 + 15 + 14 + 25 = 97 | 13 + 1 + 25 + 5 + 19 = 63 |

3 + 8 + 6 + 6 + 3 + 7 + 6 + 5 + 9 + 7 + 6 + 3 = 69 / 3 = 23!!

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Have you ever wanted to see a movie based on the title alone?

Zach, Amin and Mayes try to strip down previous Cinephobes of all context, stars, plot and taglines, focusing on the word or words that sold a movie all by themselves.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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After taking tandem dumps at the airport, Zach, Amin and Mayes are headed to Paris!

Unfortunately, Death's Sadistic Design gets in the way and they are forced to retreat to a cabin in the woods and survive off of cat food.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are detectives at the rainiest precinct in all of Los Angeles, hot on the trail of a serial killer called the Family Man.

Or are they the Glimmermen, former CIA operatives with a preternatural ability to identify Russians, hot on the trail of their former handler?

No, actually they're Steven Seagal, showing up in his own wardrobe, 2 hours late, after restocking on powdered deer penis in Chinatown.

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Anthony Mayes @cornpuzzle IG: @cornpuzzle Threads: @cornpuzzle

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It's a dirty job coming up with the worst forms of employment in Cinephobe, and the somebodies that have to do it are Zach, Amin and Mayes.

Whether they don't make money, have bad benefits, don't offer upward mobility or straight up aren't real jobs, the only thing we know for sure is you don't want them.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are double dipping on 1997 Volcano movies as lava flows out of the La Brea Tar Pits and Tommy Lee Jones is given the power to command and control all the resources of Los Angeles.

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Zach, Amin, Mayes and Mike are putting the pod on alert!

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are putting together a team, a team of villains and antagonists that are the worst at what they do.

They are annoying, display misguided business practices and find themselves outwitted and overmatched by heroes that they should wipe the floor with.

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Zach, Amin, Mayes and Mike recommend you put the pod on alert.

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Zach Amin and Mayes are deployed to Fallujah but end up in Mexico for this memorial day episode unlocked from the Patreon.

Grab some tacos and cervezas, shove your arm into a cannon and pick out your favorite karaoke song... it's time to GIT R DONE.

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In the second ever episode of Cinephobe (Next), Zach, Amin and Mayes discovered the Mensa member and extremely opinionated author slash movie critic H. Anthony Medley.

Unfortunately, despite reviewing hundreds of films since 2002, there are plenty of movies we've done that Tony has not reviewed.

In this CT5, we compile the movies that we wish Tony had seen and reviewed, speculating on what we think we would have said and which films would have inspired classic scrutiny from our Toluca Lake Legend.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes don't play with the bad boys anymore as they track down that scallywag Stavros in their iridium lensed Oakley shades.

Offense gets the glory - But defense wins the game!

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are a couple of unhoused ex-podcasters who love nothing more than hitchhiking across the country from seedy motel to seedy motel.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes make a playlist of the best Cinephobe episodes to listen to while you're traveling across Europe.

In fact, Zach might be listening to one of these episodes right this instant, as he travels across Europe.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are bonding adamantium to their skeletons to withstand the onslaught of Weapon Xposition in this movie.

In order to make this podcast indestructible, first we're going to have to do destroy it.

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Amin and Mayes answer listener questions live on YouTube.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are putting all their plutonium deals aside to concentrate on opening a chain of Cobra Kai dojos all over the valley.

For the next few weeks, our business is strictly revenge.

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Much like Sean Astin himself, Zach, Amin and Mayes bit off more than they could chew with their first CT5.

So now they are back to dig up seven more of their most unbelievable moments in Cinephobe history, the elements of the plot that took it too far, shattering any suspended disbelief that might have existed.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are inventing the 'Revenge For Hire' business to save their impotent, whore mongering father with a heart transplant from a degenerate gambling doctor.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are the most ridicalickaliss schemingest keenest scam artists being hunteded by Germans on a private island for fifty thousand dollars.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes try to determine what makes a character heroic while also exhibiting clear signs of contempt and disdain for decorum.

They might do good things, but they do them the wrong way.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are at the forefront of the burgeoning underground fight club scene, reaping the benefits of the upper class' thirst for blood in order to provide for their poverty stricken sister in law.

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Zach, Amin, Mayes and Nery are all held accountable for the conclusion of this podcast.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes choose the villains and antagonists of Cinephobe that carry themselves a little different. They might do bad things, but they do them the right way.

This topic was a fresh idea out of the chat during the A Million Ways to Die in the West Rewatchington, due to Clinch Leatherwood's comportment.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes take justice into their own hands when the assembly line legal system fails them.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are headed to Hawaii for a wedding, but not before they create the world's greatest Craigslist post looking for nice girls to accompany them and appease their family.

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Who could have predicted before the Encino Man episode that Sean Astin would become ubiquitous in Cinephobe lore? And not for shouting 'My wife is a bingo!' at a Blockbuster.

Zach, Amin and Mayes dig up their most unbelievable moments in Cinephobe history, the elements of the plot that took it too far, shattering any suspended disbelief that might have existed.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes have the power to be supreme, the power to be almighty, the power to use a Cosmic Key and travel across the galaxy in the blink of .34 chromons.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes get uploaded into the serververse to take on Al-G Rhythm and his goon squad as a classic tale is rebooted for the video game generation. Will we be stuck as Warner Brothers properties forever? Will LeBron connect with Bryce about something other than basketball? Do any kids even know who the Looney Tunes are? Do you, as long as doing you means listening to this podcast.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes review the applications and cover letters for the repeat offenders in the Cinephobe Universe who have compiled the most impressive bodies of work.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes can see better than they ever have thanks to this refreshing, delicious, ice cold Pepsi Cola.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are flying deep into the wilderness of the pacific northwest for their favorite annual therapeutic activity: Hunting the Unhoused Gentleman.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes review their favorite baddies, the most diabolical antagonists and evil incarnates, characters who blazed such a trail of destruction their names are burned into our brains for eternity.

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Zach, Amin, Mayes and Ian Karmel refuse to sign a record contract until everyone listens to Ian's new audiobook 'T-Shirt Swim Club'

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Zach, Amin and Mayes team up with Ian Karmel to hold the KPPX Radio station hostage until everyone buys a copy of Ian's new book 'T-Shirt Swim Club'

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Zach, Amin and Mayes dive into the minutia of what makes someone a great sidekick as they explore the friendships and business relationships in Cinephobe history where there was a clear power dynamic and separation between leader and follower.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes took a ride on the flat line for 22 minutes and lived to podcast about it.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are joined by a rag tag group of warriors, thieves, wizards and princesses on a quest across the land to retrieve the jeweled horn of the dreaming god Dagoth.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are not gonna cawl de cwopz in this episode inspired by The Wicker Man Rewatchington.

Cinephobe has a rich history of police officers. Main characters, side characters, caricatures, schizos, weirdos and bozos. Not many of them are good at their job, but which ones are exceptionally bad?

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are taking out the trash and saving the environment.

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Zach, Amin, Mayes and Kelley L. Carter can only remember numbers by associating them with chess moves or tickets at Madison Square Garden.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes choose the characters that they would most like to have on an episode as a guest to review a different movie.

What character do you think would fit in with the Cinephobe crew the best?

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are recruited by the CIA to pose as their twin brother's alias in order to secure a suitcase nuke before it falls into the possession of a multi-national terrorist organization.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are back in the mall as security guards with delusions of grandeur and an obsession with firearms determined to stop a perverted flasher from harassing their patrons, no matter what it takes.

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Zach and Mayes answer listener questions live on YouTube

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Zach, Amin, Mayes and Roy are headed into extra time where the next goal in the seventh game wins the Stanley Cup, what's the name for that situation again????

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are joined by the dad who stepped up, Roy Bellamy, after scoring tickets to the seventh game of the Stanley Cup Finals in Pittsburgh.

The only thing that can stop these puckheads from having the best day ever is an unplanned interruption by disgruntled government employees.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are challenged to compile a list of movies that they neither picked nor philed, but that one of the other two championed.

To no one's surprise, Zach is leading the league in this category and has the most picks to choose from.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are throwing over a hundred miles per hour and headed straight to the majors! So long as they get a letter certifying their mental health.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes get put on the first bus downtown and end up starring in a major Hollywood picture.

They bond with their costar, seduce the leading lady, get pitched on a major IP franchise by a scenester director and climb all the way to the top of fame's fickle ladder before it comes toppling down.

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In what turned out to be the longest and most bountiful CT5 to date, Zach Amin and Mayes select the worst husbands, wives, significant others and partners that have laid waste to a myriad of relationships in Cinephobe movies.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are joined by the great Chef Reactions to run through the sewer, cover all the entrances, taunt the security guards and confront their fears in the form of Denis Leary.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are piling into a fully loaded RV, chugging some brewskis and headed to the big fight! Unfortunately, they get caught in traffic, and take a shortcut that will change their lives forever.

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In Episode 211: Driven, we declared that Gina Gershon’s new husband Memo Moreno was so charming and handsome, you could understand why Sly Stallone would be cool with Memo, who was also a rival racer, getting involved with his ex-wife.

And in record time, Zach Amin & Mayes have turned around their top five “People You Would Be Cool With Smashing Your Girl”

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Zach, Amin and Mayes overcome childhood trauma and decades of working the lunch buffet in Reno to infiltrate the world's most exclusive and dangerous Ping Pong tournament and avenge their father's death.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are a couple of hard working Texans headed to Surfer's Paradise down under to look for their missing sister, where they learn about septics, two ups and proper little bobby dazzlers.

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It's not how you finish, it's how you start, so Zach, Amin and Mayes choose their favorite beginnings to Cinephobe movies.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are asked to do one little thing. Something they are uniquely qualified to do. Something meaningless to them, but that could profoundly affect an individual listening to this podcast. Will they do it?

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are joined by Tony the point shaver himself to talk about how he got cast in Blue Chips, working for William Friedkin, observing Nick Nolte picking Bobby Knight's brain and so much more.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes gather all the essential ingredients that coalesce into a classic Cinephobe experience.

The texture, the flavor, the color, the consistency... It’s definitely a Cinephobe movie.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are recruiting the best podcasters in the country to Cinephobe University.

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Last week we lost an absolute titan.

A man whose work transcends genre and generations.

A world class athlete and thespian that was irresistibly charismatic.

A human being that was truly a one of a kind.

Rest In Power to the Count of Monte Fisto.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes team up with a roundie and popo obsessed guh-nome named guh-norm to track down his missing lumen so he can reunite with his pooka Rena that spit good and leave Upworld behind.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes choose their favorite moments when a movie stopped lollygagging and took action, propelling the story forward up into the air.

A term that originated in the first decade of Cinephobe, only to be brought back 150+ years later and given it's own theme music, Plot Liftoff is now a Cinephobe staple.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are back on the ice with a secret weapon and everyone is going bananas.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are podcasting for pure victory as they induct Sylvester Stallone into the Ten Timer's Club.

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Mark Ordner blessed Zach, Amin and Mayes with amazing CT5 art featuring 33 characters from Cinephobe movies. This CT5 is essentially the OLIs for the art, the characters that ended up on the cutting room floor.

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It's the tale as old as time: Boy meets Girl. Boy fights an ex-boyfriend. Boy gets killed by Lion. Boy gets brain removed by a mad scientist and inserted into a robot T-Rex.

Zach, Amin and Mayes find themselves in one-a-them testicular standoffs.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are headed to the Bahamas with a bloodthirsty shark hellbent on making the Brody family suffer for what they did to a different shark in a different movie.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes put together the movies rated between 40 & 60 percent on Rotten Tomatoes that they wish could drop a little lower and become eligible for the show.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are teaming up with the best and brightest stars to represent their country (but really the Walt Disney Corporation) in the Junior Goodwill Games. So grab your gear and let's go play some schoolyard puck!

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Zach, Amin and Mayes did a Christmas movie in June, but are now unlocking this father's day exclusive episode for Christmas 2023! Full circle.

Whether you prefer to be called Pop Pop or El Padre, operate in the friendzone or the endzone, give your dad a big ol kiss on the lips.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are veteran Time Enforcement Commission agents mourning their dead wife and waging war across time with a corrupt presidential candidate.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes have had their memories erased and their corpses reanimated to become the most expensive and elite podcasting unit in the world.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes conclude their award season by looking back at the most astonishing and jaw dropping Golden Dumpsters of 2023. From Liam Neeson month, to the Daisy Chain (but not directly connected), all the way through the third century of the podcast, we unveil our favorite moments of the podcast.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes have a whole twelve hours before sunup, and there’s money to burn, whores to fuck and drugs to take. Will they be able to escape the Martian charnel house?

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are injected with the Plutoxin 7 Virus and dispatched to Los Angeles Island, the deportation point for all people found undesirable or unfit to live in the new, moral America. Will they make it out alive?

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Zach, Amin and Mayes continue their award season by looking back at the most astonishing and jaw dropping performances of 2023 (but in a bad way). From Liam Neeson month, to the Daisy Chain (but not directly connected), all the way through the third century of the podcast, we unveil our least favorite thespians.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are headed to Steve Wynn's Las Vegas, Nevada for the Security Officers Trade Association Expo and Award ceremony.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are faxed to the past to rescue their Scottish dad from being stranded in 14th century France during a crucial conflict of the Hundred Years' War.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes kick off their award season by looking back at the most astonishing and jaw dropping performances of 2023. From Liam Neeson month, to the Daisy Chain (but not directly connected), all the way through the third century of the podcast, we unveil our favorite thespians.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes all desperately want to be Number One, so pack your silenced weapon and your cat, we're headed to the Banco Internacional in Puerto Rico for Dia de los Muertos.

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Zach, Amin, Mayes and Mike Ryan have been betrayed by the Law, cast out from Megacity 1 into the Cursed Earth. Will they make it back in time to defeat evil former Judge Rico and his huge Janus?

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are looking in the mirror for the most dynamic duos sharing genetic material in 200 plus years of Cinephobe.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes celebrate their 200th Birthday.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes grapple with racism yet again as a Pulitzer Prize winning author must overcome meddlesome fame hungry neighbors, a politically ambitious Chief of Police and a dim-witted career criminal who prevent him from enjoying even one night at his newly purchased summer home.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes visit the Cinephobe Menagerie, filled with creatures big and small that have captured our hearts and opened our eyes to the magic of the animal kingdom.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes now must escape from Aquatica as it floods while they are pursued by bloodthirsty eight thousand pound sharks with massive brains and a penchant for buggery.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes are headed to Aquatica to wrangle sharks, feed whipped cream to parrots and cure Alzheimers.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes assemble a squad of degenerates that would like nothing more than to slick back their hair and slosh water onto rare cuts of meat after a night at Blue Dolphin before it burned down.

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Zach, Amin and Mayes buy Mickey Mantle's Monkey as part of 'The Plan' to turn around a struggling Santa Rosa Rockets minor league baseball team.

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