Learning Faith Through Friendship

Today is the Feast of St. Francis of Assisi. He wanted to be a warrior, a knight in battle, yes for his own glory, still he wanted to be a soldier. When he was a young man he had a dream that his home changed into a great palace filled with shields, armor, swords and banners – on all this war equipment glittered a red cross. As he wandered the halls a beautiful poorly-clad young woman appeared and clasped his hand tightly and said to him: “Francis, my beloved, all this is for you and for your companions. Take up your arms.” Francis misinterpreted the dream. The poorly clad young woman was Lady Poverty; the companions – Franciscans, not secular Knights, and the weapons well, God had other weapons in mind: prayer, penance and preaching. God does not give up on us in our miscues. Francis came to the broken-down church of St. Damian, barley more than rubble. He fell on his knees before the Crucifix and in the silence, Jesus spoke saying: “Rebuild my Church. It is falling down.” Again, Francis did not interpret the will of God perfectly, he began rebuilding the little stone chapel of St. Damian. It was a good start, but God had something much bigger in mind. Men began Francis and his way of life. When there were 12, they went to the Pope for his approval. The night before, the Pope had a strange dream. The Pope dreamed he saw the Church splitting apart, and when it was about to fall into pieces, a small man came up and put his shoulder against the building and with one shove he set the Church back on its foundations like new. When the Pope awoke, he knew the small man was Francis. He approved his way of life.

The Church and the world today are in a difficult situation. There are 100 million people in America who were baptized Catholic. Only 15-20% go to Mass every Sunday. The largest and fastest growing group of people have no religious affiliation. For every person under 30 who enters the Catholic Church, 4-5 leave. Baby-boomers are gentrifying, the family is disintegrating, and marriages and baptisms are down by 50 % since 1971. US Surgeon General has declared loneliness and isolation a public health crisis. Roughly half of Americans suffer from this “disease” which I call “Friendship Deficit Syndrome” in which people have no one to share deeply with. Suicide is the number 2 killer of teens behind motor vehicle accidents. Drug overdose is #1 killer of Americans under 50; both a symptom of loneliness. Jesus personally invested in the Apostles, then at the Last Supper he said, “I no longer call you servants but friends.” Salvation comes from faith. Faith comes through friendship. St. Francis of Assisi once told a brother who was struggling with doubts: “Do not be troubled brother, but through friendship learn faith.” 

Where you live create an atmosphere of hospitality, friendship and good conversation in your kitchen, living room, deck, garage, by the pool – wherever. Invite people into this space, offer them something to drink or eat. Nobody cares if your house looks like Pintrest, in fact, if your home is too neat and clean it is not hospitable, it looks like no one lives there – the devil wants to stop you by this temptation. Don’t freak out about putting out a big spread – just offer what you have in your fridge and pantry. 

The Second Part of this way of life is to Learn the Art of Meaningful Conversation. Don’t begin by telling people stuff; it’s not your responsibility to fix people – that is God’s responsibility – not yours.The first step is to Seek to know, understand, love and care for them. Validate their existence by being genuinely interested in their lives. Learn the art of asking good questions. 

The third part of this way of life is that prayer and conversation with friends have some of the same ingredients.