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Difficult Relationships – Christian Wisdom for Life’s Toughest Ties

Biblical Proof that God Considers Gaslighting Emotional Abuse

9 min • 15 juni 2023

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You’re too sensitive.

I never said that!

YOU’RE the one with the problem.

Why do you make everything such a big deal?

If you’ve ever had these words spoken to you, you, my friend, may have been gaslit. 

 Gaslighting is the withholding of information or pretending that you don’t understand what someone else is talking about in an attempt to get that person to question their reality and good judgment. It the evil attempt to distort another person’s reality through lies and manipulation, and a desperate attempt for self-preservation.

Gaslighters project their issues onto you to divert attention away from their dysfunction or wrongdoing, and they don’t care who they harm along the way.

 They will even go so far as to deny something has taken place even in the face of concrete evidence. 

 But gaslighting doesn’t typically end there. In fact, I have never seen gaslighting as a stand-alone behavior. It’s commonly accompanied by things like infidelity, narcissism, stealing, gossiping, and smear campaigns, just to name a few.

 While the term gaslighting does not appear in the bible, a word that mirrors it certainly does:  manipulation.

That’s because gaslighting IS manipulation. And the bible certainly has a lot to say about manipulation. From watching out for false teachers, to avoiding evil doers, God does NOT tolerate a lying tongue.

 At its core, manipulation is a form of lying. When someone speaks falsely with the purpose of deception, they are being manipulative. Satan himself is the master manipulator.

 There are several examples of emotional abuse in scripture, including Abigail at the hand of her fool of a husband in 1 Samuel 25 and Samson at the hand of the alluring Delilah, just to name a few.

 So, let’s look to scripture to shine light on what a healthy relationship should look like in comparison and in doing so provide Biblical proof that gaslighting is emotional abuse. 

 The famous love passage in 1 Corinthians 13 makes it clear that emotional abuse is wrong. The apostle Paul describes the actions of real love. 

 First, he says love is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4), but gaslighting is neither patient nor kind. Rather, it’s quick to flare up and deflect. 

 Love “keeps no record of wrongs” (verse 5), but gaslighting is all about pointing out how another person is wrong and has wronged you.

Love is not rude or selfish or prideful or irritable or resentful, but as with all emotional abuse, gaslighting is self-preservation. 

Love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (verse 7). Emotional abusers only look to protect themselves.

As you can see, if you are not aware of the tactics used by these wolves in sheep’s clothing, you can easily become a target for their emotional abuse. 

 So, does “love” require you to bear with these emotional abusers? I don’t believe so. 

 To continue to endure under such toxic behavior gives permission and acceptance to the abuser that their behavior is tolerated. God finds that behavior despicable, and so should we.

 You may be thinking: "But they could change because of my love."

 To that I say, yes, they can change, but enabling the current circumstances all in the name of love will not bring about change—it will only keep the door open for further abuse.

 In addition, there may be degrees of codependency within you that needs to be addressed. 

If you feel it’s your responsibility to b

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