Narcissistic Twist - What You Say vs What They Hear

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Have you ever tried to speak to someone who spoke a different language than you?

Maybe you’re really patient at first but the more you realize that it’s not helping, the more frustrated you get.

 You likely start talking s-l-o-w-e-r. Maybe you even start yelling, as if a higher decibel is going to change the fact that they can’t understand you.

 The same is true for a narcissist who doesn’t interpret things the same way you do. Yes, they may speak the language. But what you say and what they hear are two completely different things.

 The truth is, no amount of repeating, yelling, or rehashing that is going to change what they hear. I know you want to treat others with love, patience, and kindness. But something just feels off—like they’re not getting it.

 That’s because they don’t. They have a language all their own and if what you say doesn’t match what they want to hear, you’re going to get frustrated and confused because they don’t really say what they mean or mean what they. That means what you say is up for interpretation too.

 So join me as we dive into 14 things you’ll say versus what the narcissist will hear. 

 You: You really hurt me when you said we would save money but then you took it out
of our account without talking to me. Why did you do that?

 Narcissist: You’re trying to control me. Why are you doing this to me?                    

 This is their way of playing the victim

 You: But you said that you wouldn’t touch the money without talking to me first. 

 Narcissist: Are you calling me a liar? Are you calling me a liar? Great, you’re calling me a liar.

 This is their way of deflecting the issue at hand, and playing the victim.

 You: I don’t want to argue with you.

 Narcissist: Of course you don’t. That’s because you know you’ll lose.

 Narcissists love to intimidate you.

 You: Are you going to put the money back so we can stay on track to get out of debt?

 Narcissist: After all the times you spent money and I didn’t say anything, I can’t believe you’re giving me a hard time about this. Maybe I shouldn’t forgive you. 

 The narcissist is always looking to take the focus off of their wrongdoing and turn it back on you.

 You: But I only spent money on necessary things for the house and kids. You took $10,000.

 Narcissist: If you weren’t so tight with the purse strings, I wouldn’t have had to go behind your back to take the money. It’s your fault.

 Blame is the narcissist’s favorite game. Nothing is ever their fault. 

You: I would like to try and resolve this. It’s not just about the money. I’m having trouble trusting you. 

 Narcissist: No you’re not. You’re just complicating things. Why can’t you just leave well enough alone?

 Narcissists will always deny your reality. This is called gaslighting.

You: Let’s try to move past this. I forgive you.

 Narcissist: It’s about time. Enough of this nonsense. Now we can get back to the way things were.

 They love to exploit your good nature

You: I’m still upset about this and would like to talk about it.

 Narcissist: Since you’re upset with me, I’m going to give you the silent treatment to make you feel so uncomfortable that you come graveling back to me.

 This is their way of manipulating people

You: I’ll love you no matter what but I re