The Art of Nurturing Boys :: David Thomas [Ep 119]

I’m not a boy. Yet I’m raising four of them to be men.

And as much as culture tries to tell us there aren’t differences between boys and girls. My every day experience begs to differ. I truly don’t understand the “why” behind most of my boys’ choices. And it never benefits me to ask.

This week (for my own help and maybe yours too) I’ve invited David Thomas on the show. As a family therapist and director at DayStar Counseling Center in Nashville, David has lots of experience counseling families and children. Having his own set of twin boys has provided a lot of education as well.

The first book I ever read that gave me a glimpse into the mind of a boy is David’s book “Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys”**.  Then I heard him speak at a DotMom event and I’ve always wanted to have him on the show.

Our conversation did not disappoint. David’s genteel manner and calm approach gave me such peace. Afterwards I felt encouraged and equipped to not only “handle” my boys but enjoy their uniqueness.

David answered a slew of questions I received on Facebook from listeners. But a theme emerged in each topic we covered: outlets and boundaries. David would point out a need boys have and how we as moms could provide a proper outlet for that need. But he also gave great instruction on how to train on boys in regulation, by setting boundaries on where and when those needs can be met.

If you are a boymom, get ready to be set free from a lot of guilt over “why your boy does that”. And given some practical ideas to help create places and times in your family’s schedule to let “boys be boys” but not allow that phrase to be an excuse for unkind or inappropriate behavior.

If you’re not a boymom, I hope this will still be an entertaining episode to help you understand your husband, nephews, friend’s son. And stay tuned because I’m working with David’s partner Sissy Goff to record a “Raising Girls” episode this fall. (Of course, feel free to share this episode with any boymom friends you have. . .they will thank you!).

What we chat about:

• When and how to let boys rough-house/wrestle
• How “Stage One boys” (ages 1 to 4 years old) express love with aggression.
• Providing an outlet and training regulation and respect.
• How to help our boys who feels things deeply (the ones often labeled as ‘sensitive’).
• Giving boys ways to process emotions with space and physical outlets.
• Helping boys hear our directions and respond to us.
• Taking advantage of how boys are hardwired visually.
• How to handle when boys talking about private parts, farting, etc.
• 4 & 14 year old boys and their testosterone surges.

Links Mentioned:

• Brooke McGlothlin (Thank you Brooke for connecting us!)
• Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys **
• Mini Trampoline ** ($25 option)
• Trampoline with handle bar  ** ($70 option)
• 5 Practical Actions to Help Boys Behave
• Birds and the Bees? Oh Help Me Please with Mary Flo Ridley (Ep 25)
• Raising Boys and Girls

**Amazon affiliate link