Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

In which X-Force is kind of silly; that really isn’t what “quantum” means; polite and lawful are two entirely different things, and Sam Guthrie is only one of them; Selene vogues; and the Hellfire Club plays the dead girlfriend card.

X-PLAINED:

• Blackheart
• The Damocles Foundation (more) (again)
• Lucas Bartholomew Guthrie
• The difference between prisons and jails
• X-Force #98-98
• Whether Dr. Octopus enjoys the literary stylings of Elmore Leonard
• One way to get out of prison
• The Glitterbox
• An unsuccessful heist
• Celestial cigarettes and/or golems
• Thomas and/or Tyler Zebulon and/or Zeke Guthrie
• Demon Bears as urban pests
• Selene, Always Voguing
• Gatherers
• Various evil scientists
• The Sword
• Junkyard life
• Lenny Delmonico
• Psychic rodeos
• Nightmare chambers
• Bat sex
• An offer Sunspot can’t refuse
• Hank McCoy’s villain arc
• New Mutant superlatives

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

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In which Gambit is fundamentally goofy; t’ieves love research; Magneto was ripped; Professor Xavier remains a jerk; Miles attempts to convey something very fundamentally visual in an audio format; Marrow is adorable; the X-Men pretty much disband (again); and a miniseries is the opposite of a vacation.

X-PLAINED:

• Where Wolverine went
• Gambit Annual 1999
• Uncanny X-Men #372
• X-Men #92
• A lot of backstory
• A very cute plastic goose
• What Gambit does in his free time
• Those weird fluid-filled tubes they put people in all the time for some reason
• Gambit’s abs
• The fart ghost (Mary Purcell)
• Manhattan, Indiana
• A very minor continuity error
• Fart ghost metaphysics
• A very bad idea
• A muppetworthy death
• Dream’s various ends
• X-pajamas
• Professional dinosaurs
• Thinkers
• Theoretical Cyclops-Daredevil team-ups
• X-characters recognizable as civilians

NEXT EPISODE: The return of the Damocles Foundation!

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In which the 1990s were very long; if you die in the simulation, you die in real life; Adrienne Frost is a bad person with good clothes; we judge the number 57; things just keep happening; and Penance somehow gets even more complicated.

X-PLAINED:

• Bevatron
• Generation X #55-57
• The Hellions and their untimely demise (again)
• Uncanny X-Men #281
• A continuity conundrum
• Many allusions and references
• Cognitive dissonance
• Dancing between the raindrops of continuity
• Resolution
• Emma Frost, triumphant
• Fashion
• Emplate (more) (again)
• Propeller beanies
• Feelings
• Explosions
• One way to solve a problem
• Whether you should read Dazzler: The Movie
• The worst possible power swaps

NEXT EPISODE: The secret origins of Gambit’s fart ghost girlfriend!

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In which Magneto may be right but is also wildly impractical; X-Force goes on a sneaking mission; Magneto isn’t mad, he’s just disappointed; Rictor and Shatterstar return; Strong is not a common surname in the Marvel universe; and being a mutant on TV doesn’t mean you’re one in the comics.

X-PLAINED:

• How Jubilee became a vampire
• The most X-treme youth of them all
• X-Force 94-95
• X-Force Annual 1999
• Genosha
• Butler disambiguation
• Clown jobs
• A team-up predicated on an awkward breakup
• Hammer Town
• Delphi
• Memory boxes
• Several potential continuity error
• Names
• Genoshan robots
• Archie
• A hierarchy of potential fates
• Vershiagen Industries and/or Vershlagen Industries
• V2
• Hanrancha
• Stronghold
• Martin Strong
• Freddie
• Michelle Balters (Neurotap) (more) (again)
• Communication with X-teams
• A sudden and depressing resolution
• Continuity across media
• Why Gambit doesn’t (usually) throw tarot cards

NEXT EPISODE: The Return of the Hellions (kinda)

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In which Synch is better with your powers than you are; Generation X gets some actual training; Artie and Leech are fully feral; everyone gets the hots for Paladin; Zeus has probably fucked a motorcycle at some point; many countries have valleys; and Adrienne Frost is terrible.

X-PLAINED:

• Generation X #52-54
• Tristan Brawn (more) (again)
• Grant Morrison on suspension of disbelief in superhero media
• Honor vs. privilege
• School dance themes
• Artie and Leech’s habitat
• Spider-Ham
• Ducktor Doom
• Role models
• What Gaia is probably definitely up to
• Paladin
• The Rising Sons
• Rollerblades
• Dragon problems
• Power emulation vs. reproduction
• Pokémans
• Cosplaying Emma Frost with a beard
• Diamond Patch
• Muir Island vs. Muir Isle

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force goes to Genosha!

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In which Devin Toohey joins Miles to discuss X-Men’s DC Comics cousin Doom Patrol, and their bastard Amalgam child, X-Patrol!

X-PLAINED:

• X-Men vs. Doom Patrol
• Meet Your Doom
• Doom Patrol
• Amalgam
• X-Patrol
• Elasti-Girl (Amalgam)
• Shatterstarfire
• Beastling
• Ferro Man
• Dial H.U.S.K.
• X-Patrol #1
• Exciting X-Patrol #1
• Niles Cable
• Dr. Doomsday
• Superhero aviation
• Brother Brood
• Raveniya
• Niles Dayspring
• Technoorganic lettering
• Claw mechanics
• Magneto on X-Force
• Real-life Dazzler and Lila Cheney analogs

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X goes to Madripoor!

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In which Tommy Lee Edwards draws a damned fine everything; death gods get taken a lot less seriously when their avatars are seagulls; warm and cool colors get in a fight; Domino has no time for this bullshit; Cable and Domino wait ’til the kids are asleep; Sunspot’s alibi is too complicated; X-Force forges a pouches path; Engines are nothing but trouble; and Ry’lor the Destroyer puts himself in time out.

X-PLAINED:

• The Norse Pantheon of 2099
• X-Force #91-93
• One of the best X-covers ever
• Our favorite Siryn story
• Jesse Aaronson, penitent chef
• Sean Cassidy, penitent dad
• A realistically anticlimactic breakup
• Cassidy/Rourke history
• Bring Your Daughter to Crimes Day
• Napoleon Sanders
• An epistolary montage
• The dusty pink word balloons of Tom Waits
• A missed Manos-portunity
• The Chaos Engine
• Halloween Jack
• Domino’s varied musical tastes
• Ry’lor the Destroyer
• Kodo the Komodo
• Bedlam’s extremely situational powers
• Astarte and Electryon
• Horniness as a superpower
• The Temple of the Dying Sun
• Cable & Corsair’s (lack of) history
• Hope, Hope, Hope, Hope, Hope, and Hope

NEXT EPISODE: Miles and guest host Devin talk X-Patrol, 1996’s X-Force / Doom Patrol mash-up!

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X-PLAINED:

• Dazzler’s murder trial
• X-Men Unlimited #24
• The past and future of X-Men Unlimited
• Doctor Cecilia Reyes
• Ghost Pirate Cap’n Bloodscream
• Wolverine and friends
• Pushing your kid out of a plane as a basic first aid skill
• Banter
• The Silver Samurai (Keniuchio Harada)
• Sunfire and the Big Hero Six
• Projectile-based wordplay
• Irene Adler, spoiler machine
• Genosha (again)
• The Cabinet of Doctor Lensherr
• Magneto’s panties
• Stupid metaphors
• Football stars and their football cars
• Magneto’s nuanced and baby-filled past
• Generation X #51
• Hunter & Tristan Brawn
• Helicopter grandparents
• Artie & Leech, perpetual moppets
• Emma Frost, forever traumatized
• Generation X’s new costumes
• Gaia as the Bird Boy of Generation X
• Peach Momoko’s Ultimate Armor
• Sauron and the Lizard’s agendas and fashion
• Comic book collecting preferences

NEXT EPISODE: Some damned fine X-Force.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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In which there’s nothing inherently wrong with monster-of-the-week; Marrow’s makeover extends to her font; Red Skull gets a Power Glove; Marvel sets up a slate of spinoffs; and you should hire Matt Hunter to produce your podcast!

X-PLAINED:

• What Danger’s been up to lately
• Uncanny X-Men #371
• X-Men #91
• X-Men Annual 1999
• Crossover cover design
• Skrullverine
• Machine Man
• Dethlok vs. Dethklok
• Jack Truman (Agent 18) (to some extent)
• A nice dress
• An awkward reunion
• Gambit as a mentor
• Billy G.
• A daring but silly rescue
• Several upcoming series
• Marrow’s bone bikini and/or pubes
• Whether Rogue can absorb animals

NEXT EPISODE: Cecilia Reyes returns from retirement!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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In which Roadhouse is basically a Wolverine story; Spider-Man does crimes; space names are derivative; there are lots of good reasons to yell at Professor Xavier; the X-Men do Doctor Who; Galactus is not interested in your puny human feelings; Marrow gets a new look; the Skrulls need a crash course in UI; and we overthink bones.

X-PLAINED:

• The time the Skrulls did “A Piece of the Action”
• The trouble with benevolent dictatorships
• X-Men #89-90
• Uncanny X-Men #370
• A New York City that is not in fact New York City
• “Spider-Man”
• A ruse
• Faces
• Skrull problems
• Mar-Vell
• Adam Warlock
• Sass vs. joviality
• Skrull Cop City
• Disguises
• Nova (Frankie Raye)
• How Galactus eats planets
• Condiments
• Several melees
• Bone pubes
• Skrull UI
• Whether Moopsy could drink Wolverine’s bones
• X-Musicals

NEXT EPISODE: The return of Douglock!

The Roald Dahl short story whose title Jay couldn’t recall is “Beware of the Dog.”

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!