I Am a Claus

Kreezus written and produced by Local Business Comedy: Joey Clift, Nick Gligor, Stephen Perlstein and Dumbshit Mountain

Producer Jason Smith. Produced and Mixed by Alec Sherrie

Recorded at Seaward Studios and Starburns Industries. 

Vocals by Carl Tart, James Ross

[Beanie man] 

(Silent night riff...)

[Intro] 

I am a Claus 

I am a Claus 

I am a Claus

[Hook]

I am a Claus 

Hurry up with my damn rudolph

Hurry up with them trains & dolls 

Get the Sleigh out the damn garage

I am a Claus

Even though I'm a Santa Claus

Your wish list in the hands of Claus 

So y'all better quit writin’ to Claus

[Verse 1]

Naughty or nice is so unlike you

Kissin' santa's ass is so unlike you

The only santa that’s not a white dude

So here's a few hating-ass children who'll fight you

If you were milk n cookies I wouldbite you

And I don't even wanna hear 'bout what children might do 

Old parents mentally still in high school

Since the white beard they never liked you

Red-ass jacket with a fucking knapsack

But everybody know you brought real gifts back

Gifts was unwrapped, man, we the Wrap Pack

Dasher Dancer Donner Sleighback

Rudolph Reinder, Red Nose shining

Monop' in this bitch again, Milton Bradley

Skip this house these kids be bratty

Until the day day stop calling me fatty

[Hook]

I am a Claus 

So hurry up with my damn rudolph In a family-ass residaunce

Hurry up with my damn egg nog!

I am a Claus 

I am a Claus 

I am a Claus 

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

[Verse 2]

I just talked to Jesus

He said, "What up, Kreezus?" 

I said, "Climbing buildins, trying to gift these childrin" 

I know elves bout yay high 

Reindeer make dat sleigh fly 

Su casa, mi casa

I drink milk the mosta - HO!

I am a Claus 

I am a Claus 

I am a Claus

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

[Outro: Justin Vernon]

Ain't no way I'm coming to town. I'm a Claus

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