MILKLESS

Dive in with the brilliant Dr. Morgan Cutlip, a psychologist and mother of two. Together, we tackle the often invisible mental load that comes with raising kids - and Max finds out who has been refilling the liquid soap dispensers in his house.

Morgan helps us navigate the fine art of sharing the parenting load without turning it into a wrestling match. We discuss the surprising ways the mental load creeps into our daily lives and how it affects everything from dinner plans to bedtime routines.

Whether you’re juggling laundry, school projects, or just trying to get out of the house, this episode is packed with insights to help you lighten your load and keep the family ship sailing smoothly. So grab your favorite snack (even if it’s gummy worms) and tune in!

• And here’s the link to the guide Dr. Cutlip mentions in the episode about how to talk about the mental load. 
• And a link to her book, Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself
• And a link to her new book, A Better Share
• And a link to her Instagram

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We're talking about misinformation with a recent study to round us out as we dive in by soon-to-be doctor of Psychology, Evan Orticio. Matt and Max tackle the crucial topic of equipping our kids with the skills to navigate the chaotic seas of falsehoods and dubious claims. Is shielding them from misinformation doing more harm than good? Spoiler alert: it might be time to lean in instead of shielding!

Join us as we explore a cool study that shows how engaging with misinformation can actually boost kids' critical thinking skills. We’ll discuss the fine balance between trust and skepticism, how to help our kids to question everything (including... what we say?), and the art of navigating the digital minefield of today’s media landscape. Cheers to Evan!

Link to an article about the study

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Part Deux of a two-parter! In this half of the episode, Matt opens up about the looming threat of losing his cool as the kids grow and their needs evolve, while Max reflects on the challenges of balancing individual attention with collective chaos. Whether it’s mastering the art of co-parenting during the newborn phase or navigating the inevitable sibling rivalry, Matt and Max are once again joined by Sam to explore that wild moment when your family goes from only child to man-on-man defense—and possibly even to zone defense.

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This episode dives deep into the emotional rollercoaster of expanding one's family. Max and Matt are joined by returning guest, Samuel "Iceman" Stolper, who's days away from welcoming baby number two. Together, they unpack the highs, lows, and unexpected gut punches of bringing a second (or third) child into the mix. From sibling dynamics to parental sanity checks, they explore everything—from how much your first kid might lose in the attention department to the importance of celebrating the magic of a growing family. Let's go!

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Matt and Max unpack the unexpected magic of a one-on-one hotel stay with only one of your kids. During a soccer tournament in Boise, Max finds himself bonding with his son over card games, Coldplay, and a healthy dose of nostalgia. But as they reminisce about their mini-adventure, the boys dive deep into the bittersweet nature of those one-on-one moments that make parenting so rich—while also grappling with the guilt of missing the whole family dynamic. Tune in as they brainstorm ways to carve out special time with each kid, explore the art of spontaneous hangouts, and ultimately remind us why sometimes, it’s the “wasting time” that creates the best memories.

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There really is nothing better than those hours that pass with your kids when nobody is trying to get anything done, nobody is multitasking, and everybody is totally present. We spend so much time thinking about how to "parent right," yet some of our best interactions with our families come when nobody is really thinking too hard about anything at all. But man, can that vibe be elusive! Finding a moment when nothing needs to get done and everybody is in the right place to truly sink into the moment... pick your metaphor for finding a thing that's hard as hell to find. It's worth aiming for, though, because the sense of connection that comes from those experiences is palpable - for us AND our kids. Max recounts having recently found one of those moments with his kids, and The Boys try to break it down - figure out how to get to that place and stay there as long as they can.

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We've all been there. We're innocently driving the kids to school, and from the backseat you hear: "Daddy, what's that?" You look out the window and calmly respond, "Honey, that's four bloody skeletons hanging from a tree with their skin peeling off." Mysteriously, bedtime is suddenly incredibly hard. Don't get us wrong, Halloween is fun as hell, and it can be a time for kids to dip a healthy toe into the world of fears, and death, and monsters... and all that other stuff we wish we could shelter our kids from completely but obviously can't. Max and Matt kick around ideas for how to get into the Halloween spirit without traumatizing the small, partially developed humans that live at their house. Let's Go! 

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Max reveals a game-changing parenting strategy: losing it on his kids… in a good way. When his kids do something overly kind, he doesn't just give a pat on the back—he matches the intensity of a negative dad-freak-out, but flips it to pure joy. The result? Kids who get a huge reaction and a ton of attention when they least expect it. Matt chimes in with his own stories of dialing up the energy and why it's important to notice the little victories. Expect plenty of laughs, a shirtless moment, and a real look at how turning the volume up on the good stuff can make parenting more fun—and effective.

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The Boys tackle the struggle of giving kids independence without losing the emotional connection. Matt shares a recent bedtime standoff with his 6-year-old that led to a breakthrough in how he handles her growing need for autonomy (spoiler: there’s a silent ‘f*** you’ involved). Meanwhile, Max reflects on the pressure to always be the "good dad" and how that sometimes leads to over-parenting—even when all the kid really needs is space. Expect hard truths, a lot of laughs, and a reminder that as long as you love them and don’t hit them, you’re probably doing just fine.

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Matt and Max talk about when Matt had to break some news to his daughter about the nonexistence of a magical creature she had believed to be real for as long as she'd been alive. 

Warning: Matt cries a little bit.

Love, Max

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Matt and Max talk about why they took a random week off. Spoiler Alert: Max's dad was med flighted for an emergency surgery. They talk about aging parents and how they look at their own health.

When=Now Episodes are a second bonus episode we drop some weeks. The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, no editing, and more free flowing.  Enjoy!

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As parents, we're often told how important it is to guide, nurture, and protect, but what about just being silly? Humor plays a critical role in child development, and in this episode, Max and Matt get rounded out as they dive into a study highlighting the importance of being a parent who embraces humor. Whether it’s being the silly parent, encouraging kids to crack jokes, or just watching funny stuff on TV, The Boys break down the different types of humor kids develop at various stages and how it can affect their development. Plus, they'll share their own funny, tried-and-true methods of getting their little ones rolling on the floor. This is a fun one, so get ready to chuckle your way through parenting. LET'S GO!

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This is part 2 of a two parter. So if you haven't listened to episode #67, maybe hit that one first. This is a continuation of a wide-ranging conversation with Caitlin Murray of Big Time Adulting (@bigtimeadulting). We started off talking about how social media sometimes makes us feel like lousy parents, but in part two we wander into everything from the heartache of getting ready for school, to nasty hangovers, to learning to forgive ourselves for our inevitable failures. You don't have to listen to part one before diving in, but it won't hurt... and it'll make a lot more sense why we keep using the phrase sh*t d*ck. So crank up the volume, and get yourself a snack!

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Matt and Max talk about how Max has been tired for the past four days and how his kids have been annoying him to no end.

When=Now Episodes are a second bonus episode we drop some weeks. The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, no editing, and more free flowing.  Enjoy!

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One of the toughest parts about parenting is all the other examples we see of it around us every day. Whether it's a parenting influencer telling you how to handle tantrums better, or your high school friends posting pictures of the amazing arts & crafts they've done with their kids, it's easy to feel like you're not stacking up. Max and Matt have their good friend Caitlin Murray of Big Time Adulting on to explore why sometimes getting parenting advice from experts makes their blood boil. Is it that we didn't use the right words during our attempt to diffuse a tantrum? Or was it that we didn't have our own sh*t together? Caitlin is absolutely hilarious and if you haven't checked out her instagram, @bigtimeadulting, do it now. You'll laugh your ass of and feel truly seen as a parent in today's world. And it'll also give you some insight into why this episode had us laughing so much. This is part one of a two parter. Enjoy!

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Matt and Max talk about how Matt broke his headphones in an angry moment yesterday and how that might have some parallels with parenting.

When=Now Episodes are a second bonus episode we drop some weeks. The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, no editing, and more free flowing.  Enjoy!

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This is part two of a two-parter (Part 1 is Episode #63). We don't really love the whole concept of "Parenting Hacks," because any trick that promises to make this sh*t-show easy is typically a load of hooey, and one-size-fits-all solutions don't work nearly as often as they claim to. But there are a handful of things Max and Matt have figured out over the years - mostly through trial and a comedy of errors - that have made certain aspects of the grind a little bit easier. On this Hot Takes episode, The Boys are sharing those hopefully helpful strategies with each other. We worked backward from common hangups. Max sent a bunch of his daily annoyances over to Matt, who tried to offer any useful solves he's worked out over the years... and vice versa. These bad boys run the gamut from how to avoid "sheepdogging" your kid from one room to the next at bedtime, to finding fun summer activities that don't cost an arm and a leg, to dealing with your kids' inevitable desire to look at your phone. Here we go!

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Matt and Max talk about a very recent moment when Max screamed at his kids.

When=Now Episodes are a second bonus episode we drop some weeks. The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, no editing, and more free flowing.  Enjoy!

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We don't really love the whole concept of "Parenting Hacks," because any trick that promises to make this sh*t-show easy is typically a load of hooey, and one-size-fits-all solutions don't work nearly as often as they claim to. But there are a handful of things Max and Matt have figured out over the years - mostly through trial and a comedy of errors - that have made certain aspects of the grind a little bit easier. On this Hot Takes episode, The Boys are sharing those hopefully helpful strategies with each other. We worked backward from common hangups. Max sent a bunch of his daily annoyances over to Matt, who tried to offer any useful solves he's worked out over the years... and vice versa. These bad boys run the gamut from how to avoid "sheepdogging" your kid from one room to the next at bedtime, to finding fun summer activities that don't cost an arm and a leg, to dealing with your kids' inevitable desire to look at your phone. This is part one of a two-parter, y'all. Here we go!

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Matt and Max talk about how friendship is so important in today's world and how sometimes we can get different things from different people in our life.

When=Now Episodes are a second bonus episode we drop some weeks. The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, no editing, and more free flowing.  Enjoy!

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Trying something new here folks - it's our first ever Milkless Mailbag! Listeners sent in questions, and Max and Matt did their best to say useful things - with the help of good friend and returning guest Sam "Ice Man" Stolper. We cover topics ranging from overbearing grandparents, to sharing the load within a marriage, to the challenges of maintaining a clean home (and the value of recognizing that not everyone shares the same definition of "clean"). This is the hardest we've laughed making an episode in quite some time, so sit back and crank it.

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Max and Matt are joined by the famous Bez, as the three Dads dive into the often tricky balance between firm boundaries and gentle parenting. What does it look like to put your foot down kindly with a kid who's truly ready to test your limits? What can we do before that meeting of the wills that will hopefully make it go better? How do we calm our own worries that those necessary limit-setting clashes will create long term ripples in the relationship? We also talk a lot about how different this can look from one kid to the next, or even with the same kid at different points in their life. This is one of the many balance beams that we're always walking as parents: respecting our kids' feelings and who they are and creating an environment that doesn't feel like a dictatorship but does acknowledge the many ways in which our kids need us to say, "no" when they can't do it for themselves. We ain't got it figured out yet, but we're working on it. Here we go!

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Matt and Max talk about how one of the great mistakes of humankind is how we are more apt to follow consensus over what might yield the best outcomes.

When=Now Episodes are a second bonus episode we're dropping each week. The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, no editing, and more free flowing.  Enjoy!

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The data is overwhelming: adults who commit themselves to acts of service and make volunteering a part of their life are just way happier. And, like everything else, that's a muscle you start building when you're a kid. But unless you belong to a religious community, you've kind of got to bring your own beer in terms of incorporating service into your family's life. And with young kids, your options can feel a little limited, because... well, no offense, but five year olds suck at a lot of stuff. So how do you find opportunities that start to instill an instinct for service in your kids? How do we balance boots on the ground volunteerism with making thoughtful decisions about monetary donations? How do we create a healthy connection between privilege and responsibility without dipping into the shame zone. Max and Matt are joined by longtime friend Simon Salgado, who has put a lot of thought into all of these questions and helps make it a funny episode with a lot of laughs. He also shames Max and Matt by making the most disgusting joke of the episode. You win this round, Salgado. 

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Matt and Max talk about how important it is to have adult time away from kids and then meander into how strange the parenting social media universe can be.

When=Now Episodes are a second bonus episode we're dropping each week. The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, no editing, and more free flowing.  Enjoy!

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If you haven't listened to Part 1, go back and start there at Episode #55 (which is Part one of this two part episode). 

We know we keep talking about this, but we (and just about every other parent we know) keep struggling with it. How is it that - no matter how many times it happens, no matter how aware we are of the dynamics, and no matter how much we work against it - sometimes the temperature in the house just gets turned up so high that things explode? Luckily, we've got a new brain and a new perspective entering the conversation: our old friend and father of one Matt Rose, who pushes us into whole new ways of thinking about this age-old parenting culsterf*©k. We get into the uncomfortable relationship between caring deeply for a thing and wanting to exert power over it... the constant push-pull between the need for control and the inevitability of surrender... the fiery reactions we have when our own identities feel threatened... and, of course, an S&M joke or two. Tuck in, y'all. This one goes deep.

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We know we keep talking about this, but we (and just about every other parent we know) keep struggling with it. How is it that - no matter how many times it happens, no matter how aware we are of the dynamics, and no matter how much we work against it - sometimes the temperature in the house just gets turned up so high that things explode? Luckily, we've got a new brain and a new perspective entering the conversation: our old friend and father of one Matt Rose, who pushes us into whole new ways of thinking about this age-old parenting culsterf*©k. We get into the uncomfortable relationship between caring deeply for a thing and wanting to exert power over it... the constant push-pull between the need for control and the inevitability of surrender... the fiery reactions we have when our own identities feel threatened... and, of course, an S&M joke or two. Tuck in, y'all. This one goes deep. This is Part 1 in a two part episode.

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Matt and Max talk about how when you have a second child often times the older child feels like they are pushed out of the way and sometimes fight for attention.

When =Now Episodes are a second bonus episode we're dropping each week. The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, no editing, and more free flowing.  Enjoy!

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There’s a fair amount of research to support the notion that spirituality and religion can be awfully good for people (and for their kids). But organized religion doesn’t exactly have a spotless track record - no matter what faith you’re talking about. Plus Matt and Max both grew up pretty much full-on heathen, so even if they do buy into the benefits, is religion really something that they could genuinely incorporate into their families’ lives? The Boys welcome the refreshingly open-minded Dan Koch to the program to hash it out. Dan hosts the brilliant podcast You Have Permission. He was raised Evangelical, left it behind, and became a therapist and researcher (with a focus on spiritual trauma) - all while remaining a person of deep faith. Dan has spent much of his life thinking about the babies and bathwaters of spirituality and religion - and as a father, he spends a lot of time trying to figure out what that looks like for families and kids. How do we give our children access and exposure to the innate human drives for meaning, transcendence, and connection to something bigger than ourselves… without shoving a bunch of mumbo-jumbo down their throats? Let’s go!

Listen to Max and Matt on Dan Koch’s Podcast You Have Permission:

• On Apple Podcasts
• On Spotify Podcasts
  
  
  

Dan Koch’s Linktree

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Matt and Max talk about how kids are doing travel sports younger and younger with their good friend Simon Salgado.

When = Now is a new episode format for us. This will be the second episode we drop each week! The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, no editing, and more free flowing.  Enjoy!

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Has one of your kids ever asked you to look at them? How about in the last hour? How about in the last five minutes? This one seems to be totally universal, and boy can it drive you up the wall. It is simply not possible to live a full adult life while looking at your kids every time they ask you to. But the son-of-b*tch is that it's also really important for kids to consistently feel seen by their parents. So how do you balance this impossible task? How do you handle those moments when your kid is asking desperately for your full attention and you truly cannot give it to them (because you're, like, merging onto the freeway)? How do you create an environment in which kids feel like they're a part of things, but don't have carte blanche to interrupt you whenever they want? We don't know... but we're definitely going to talk about it. Let's GO!

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Matt and Max talk about how watching science videos with their kids can be a fun way to learn about the world and the wonder within it.

In case you missed Episode #48 (When = Now (Uncut) | Modern Frustration), we're dropping a second episode each week! The format of the second episode is called "When = Now." The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, no editing, and more free flowing.  Enjoy!

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We've got another kickass guest - and this one's kind of, like, a famous guy. Colton Underwood's resume is truly unique: a Catholic-raised college football star from rural Illinois who made it all the way to the NFL, then appeared on three seasons of The Bachelor... then came out as gay at age 29. Colton is now married with a kid on the way and hosting the hit podcast Daddyhood, but coming out was a long and painful process that he wouldn't wish on anybody. Colton joins Max and Matt for an honest discussion about how we as parents can make whatever road our kids travel a little smoother - and allow them to be exactly who they are - whatever that turns out to be.

Daddyhood Podcast

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We're going to start dropping a second episode each week! The format of the second episode is called "When = Now." The topic is something that's going on in our life right now. Less research, more gritty, less editing, and more free flowing. Take a listen and if it's your jam, then you just got 2x the MILKLESS in your life. (But if it's not for you and you like the regular episodes, we won't be offended if you skip over some or all of them).

Matt and Max talk about why we seem to be getting a little more frustrated with out kids than we like to be in 2024. Were our parents this intense? Is it the fact that in our quest to be perfect parents we inject an unneeded level of stress into the equation? Let's dive in.

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We're always watching our kids to see how they're doing, and to make sure they get the help they need when they need it. But the question of if and when to intervene is seldom clearcut. Whether it's language development, physical or emotional well-being, or even just climbing up high on a counter - parents are constantly asking themselves whether this is the right time to get in there, or if it would be better to hang back and let the kid figure it out. Of course that equation gets even more complicated with two parents who don't necessarily share the same opinion. Max and Matt are joined by longtime friend Sam Stolper, who brought this topic to the podcast after navigating a couple of different "to intervene or not to intervene" situations with his wife. Of course, there's no one right answer to this question. We're more interested in how to approach the thought process. How do you engage in useful milestone-tracking while avoiding an anxious household? What are the right questions to ask when weighing the cost/benefit of a certain intervention? What are the biases that we as people bring to the equation, and do those leanings serve our kids? What's the best time to argue about it with your spouse? Probably when you've both had a couple of drinks when the in-laws are over, right? It's the Season 3 Premiere, y'all. Let's get it.

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Just a little somethin' between seasons 2 & 3 of the show. Matt tells a story about his daughter, and about the man who told him - long before Matt had kids - that being a father is "the best thing you'll ever do."

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Holy sh*t, The Boys are turning forty. This one's literally coming out on Max's 40th birthday. Is it just a number, or an opportunity to look at life in a whole new way? Maybe both? Maybe neither? Maybe it's what you make of it. But all the research shows that having a positive perspective on getting older makes the back half of your life a whole lot better (not to mention healthier and longer). So, how do we get there, in spite of the aching joints and inevitable humbling that life deals out? Matt and Max dive in, looking for ways to embrace what's coming whether we like it or not. Also, they talk about death for a while, cause that's always a crowd-pleaser (apologies in advance). But it's one of our favorite episodes already. Let's do it!

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Our kids spend a LOT of time looking to us to figure out how they're doing. Does this work? Am I not supposed to do this? Do people like it when I try this thing? It's a little bit terrifying how much power we as parents have in shaping not only what our kids see as positive or negative behavior, but in how they see themselves and their identity. That means praise and critique are a pretty big part of parenting. But not all praise is actually helpful, and not all criticism is constructive. Max and Matt dive in, starting from a few well-researched principals and then exploring all of the nuance and grey area that is actual, real-life parenting. If you like the episode, send praise to @milklesspodcast. For all criticism, contact @milklesscriticismfanpage.

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You heard it here first, y'all: eating healthy and exercising makes you live longer AND does wonders for your mental health. Oh, wait, literally everyone is already saying this? Well, then maybe we should talk about how the f*ck you get yourself to do it consistently - particularly with young kids. This is not something Max and Matt have mastered, which is exactly why it's not intolerable to listen to them talk about it... because aren't we all a little tired of six-packed influencer parents telling us how easy it is to get your twenty-year-old body back? This one's as much about trying to understand our relationship with our own bodies, as it is about ways to stay fit. And if that all sounds a little soft, well... maybe it is... but we also curse a lot.

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If you haven't listened to Part 1, go back and start there at Episode #42. Look, not everything about being a parent is that awesome. We all know it. Let's just say it. Actually, let's make a list, and then hang out and holler about how mad we sometimes get about this stuff. Sounds great, actually. Carthadic. Let's do it. We might even figure out some things to try, see if we can't make it all go a little smoother. It's a Hot Takes, y'all. Ten things Matt and Max hate about parenting Part Deux.

Support Milkless by buying the best kids book ever (seriously). Matt wrote it, Max illustrated it. So if you like Milkless, your kids will love Violet Archer! For kids Aged 5-12

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Look, not everything about being a parent is that awesome. We all know it. Let's just say it. Actually, let's make a list, and then hang out and holler about how mad we sometimes get about this stuff. Sounds great, actually. Carthadic. Let's do it. We might even figure out some things to try, see if we can't make it all go a little smoother. It's a Hot Takes, y'all. Ten things Matt and Max hate about parenting.

Support Milkless by buying the best kids book ever (seriously). Matt wrote it, Max illustrated it. So if you like Milkless, your kids will love Violet Archer! For kids Aged 5-12

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First off, don’t worry. We’re not coming for your phones. We LOVE our phones! Also, without them, it would much, much harder for you to listen to this podcast. But then there’s this uncomfortable truth that nobody really wants to talk about... including The Boys. It might just maybe be possible that we're all waaaaay too connected to our devices, and it's really f*cking with our heads and frequently forcing its way into the middle of our relationship with our kids. But dude, it's 2024 - going full-on Amish isn't exactly an option for most of us. Also, SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! So, how do we create an intentional relationship with our mobile computers - where we can do our work, and manage our schedule, and enjoy all of life's modern conveniences and entertainment - but also be in control of the situation. Because, at least for Max and Matt, it too often feels like that little buzzing devil in their pocket is really the one in charge - and that just ain't right, for us or our kids. So take out your phone and press play... and find us on Insta! Oh boy. The irony is not lost on us.

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Hey y'all, so Matt wrote a kids book! Violet Archer and the Case of the Purple Martin is an early chapter book (the first in a series) that follows the investigations of kid detective Violet Archer and her investigative partner, Baba - a Jack Russell Terrier. Max read the manuscript and freaked out over the writing. Then he spent the next 6 months (and hundreds of hours) moving mountains to get the kids mystery book published. And holy sh*t it just came out! This less-than-typical episode starts off as an interview - Max reading passages from the book and asking Matt about his creative process. But the format quickly morphs into a conversation on trying to empathize with your kids, recognizing the ways in which we as parents sometimes unwittingly make life harder for our small people, and the power of story to articulate the internal life of a child. We promise we’re not just log-rolling a book here. This is an interview with an Emmy-nominated writer/director - most of it about parenting - complete with the low-brow dumb humor that Max and Matt couldn’t avoid even if they wanted to.

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For parents, there are few things more grating than the sound of your kids whining. It is biologically engineered to snap us into action. Unfortunately, it frequently snaps us into a rage, and literally all children do it - at least sometimes. Matt and Max are on a mission to handle their kids' whining better - and to try to dodge it completely whenever possible. So, why do kids whine? Why does it instantly turn us into Jack Nicholson from The Shining? And how do we GET IT TO F*CKING STOP without messing up our kids? As always, there is unfortunately no silver bullet answer. But there are tons of helpful ideas out there, and the Boys are diving right in.

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Kids cry. It's universal. It's also one of the hardest things to handle well as a parent, because - as effed up as it feels to say - upset kids can be really GD frustrating. And to make things more complicated, they don't always want to be doing it either! Even our kids get embarrassed when they get emotional at a moment where they'd rather have held it together. So, how are we supposed to validate their feelings, while giving them the tools to not lose their shit when they can't make the FUCK*NG LEGOS FIT! When you're a baby, you cry when you need something. That's how it's supposed to be. When you're an adult, you kind of want to have outgrown that phase... but still be able to cry at Field of Dreams. It's a long, strange trip. Let's go.

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It's time for some HOT TAKES. This is a collection, in no particular order, of things that have made Matt and Max's family life a little easier and better - without requiring much work. Cause really, who has time to add anything more these days? From the modestly profound, to the profoundly modest, here are eleven sweet, juicy pieces of low-hanging-fruit. 

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"Tough" is a complicated word. Does it mean hard-edged, unfeeling, and even bullying? Or, are we talking about perseverance, courage, and the strength of character to take risks, weather adversity, and do the right thing? Matt and Max are trying to figure out how to equip their kids with that second batch of traits, without slipping into the first one. And the more we thought about it, the more we realized that this comes up A LOT. Sometimes it's helping our kids work up the courage to get a shot at the doctor. Other times, it's how to stick with an activity that's challenging but rewarding. Heck, sometimes it's knowing when to quit. So, how do you prepare your kids for a life that will inevitably put them to the test - without teaching them to shut off their feelings and harden themselves to the world? What is the "right" amount of hardship to expose them to, and what's the best way to support them in those challenges? How do we, as humans, develop the skill of doing the hard thing because we believe in it (or cause it's just gotta get done)? And why was Chase's jump to save Ryder in the first Paw Patrol movie so stupidly unrealistic? Sit down. Shut up. And listen to this sh*t. Just kidding. Your feelings are important. 

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The Second half of a two part episode on chores and allowance: Man, oh man - it's hard to think of a much more fraught subject than MONEY. Is it the root of all evil, or the thing that makes the world go round? Maybe a little bit of both? Like it or not, developing a healthy relationship with money and a basic knowledge of how to manage it makes a huge difference in your stress level, sense of self-worth, and quality of life. So, when is the right time to start introducing our kids to the concept, and what's the best way to do it? Are we paying for chores, or setting up a monthly stipend? Do parents get a vote on purchases, or is it truly their money to spend? And how do we balance the knowledge that kids learn things best when they're young, with the truth that money (not just the dollars and cents of it, but the cultural significance it commands) is an awfully heavy idea to carry. This episode, like all the other ones, is totally free. We're still working out the economics of that setup.

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Doing chores is about more than keeping the house clean. It's one of the first ways kids learn how to pull their weight as part of a team. It's also pretty reasonable to ask for their help, given that they are the kings and queens of absolutely destroying your GD house. And studies show that chores are insanely good for a child's development (and becoming a well adjusted adult - makes sense). So how do you get young brains to buy into the often tedious tasks required to run a home? How do you find the right jobs for them - where they can actually help without breaking things or creating more work for you? And is there a place for chores that are just for their own sake, even when they don't actually make your life that much easier. This is part one of a two parter (part two tackles allowance and money), so grab a dish towel, put in your headphones, and let's get to work.

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Holy crap, kids really, really like getting presents... and as parents, we kind of like giving them. But it's an expensive world, and materialism is a real thing, and so are spoiled kids, and this country sure does work hard to get you to buy things you don't need - especially around the holidays. So, how do you strike the balance between the magic of thoughtful gift-giving and the pitfalls of going way too hard on prezzies? There's no right answer here, but Max and Matt dive into their approaches to gifts in addition to providing a bit of a holiday gift guide for your kids and partner. Experiences versus objects of significance, Black Friday Amazon sprees versus the DIY approach, big surprises versus that pair of boots your wife has explicitly told you she wants. This ain't just for the kids either. The grandparents and spouses shouldn't get left off the Nice List. So here it is, our holiday gift to you... we guarantee it's worth every penny.

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A couple of months back, we had one of our absolute favorite people in the world, Caitlin Murray of Big Time Adulting on Episode 22 of MILKLESS. Right around that time, we actually went on HER podcast too. Well, we're going to play you that episode in full... here... on our show. Here's the Big Time Adulting Podcast's original description of the episode:

The dads of the Milkless Podcast, Matt Naylor and Max Valverde, are here to grace the airwaves with this refreshingly honest conversation about fatherhood and how manly it is to take on more responsibilities as a parent.

Tune into this dynamic conversation between Caitlin and the dads as they explore topics like masculinity, equity in the home, scorekeeping, mental load, division of labor, and how men can show up more equally in the parenting game.

@milklesspodcast
@bigtimeadulting

We truly love her show and, in our humble opinion, it's one of the only other parenting podcasts that keeps it real. We highly recommended it. If you want to check out more of her show, search "Big Time Adulting" in the search bar!

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'Tis the season: to load up your kids and go visit the the in-laws... or maybe it's your parents, or a sibling, or maybe they're even coming to you! Given that 'the grandparents' already raised you, how much should they partake in the child support during an extended family visit? No matter how you slice it, putting multiple nuclear families together under one roof can be fraught... but it can also be pretty freakin' great. There's nothing quite like watching your kids tear around with their cousins. And hey, your siblings are the only other people who know all the ways your parents are crazy! It's worth the effort to make it work. So, how do you navigate all the old minefields and remember to enjoy the people you love. From political divides to sibling rivalries, dietary restrictions to different bedtimes - Max and Matt run the gauntlet that is the extended family vacation.

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There aren't a whole lot of things that make Max and Matt lose their cool faster than a hard, "NO" from one of their offspring. Incidentally, those two letters aren't the kids' favorite ones to hear either. So, how do you set necessary limits without ending up in unnecessary power struggles? How do you give your kids a voice in decision making without living your life in a state of constant negotiation? And how do you parse out which parts of the conflict are inevitable, and which parts are about the unresolved baggage we're bringing to the table as adults? You WILL listen to this episode, and you're going to LIKE IT... because mandating other people's feelings works every time. Let's NO!

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Look, Frozen is great! Bluey is unbelievable! Paw Patrol is... an incredibly lucrative business. But by the 11th viewing, they are all the worst thing you've ever seen - and mostly your kid ends up watching them alone while you zone out on your phone. Max and Matt are diving into an alternate take on screen time with your kids - one filled with great films, dope music videos, and sketch comedy that's just as funny to you as it is to a five year old. With a little research (and some time on Common Sense Media), this can be a truly shared experience - instead of a way to kill an afternoon. So, grab some popcorn and settle in. Tonight we're gonna watch something GOOD.

Links Discussed on the Show:
Batman Scene
Iconic Mission Impossible Scene
Arrival - First Contact Scene
Arrival - Heptapods Speak Scene
Arrival - They Need to See Me Scene
Singin' in the Rain - Make 'Em Laugh
Singin' in the Rain - Moses
Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity
SNL Office Boss
I Think You Should Leave - Skeleton Song
I Think You Should Leave - Interview Door Scene
Nature Videos (ex. ring-tailed lemur)
also:
Common Sense Media

Before watching the below movies, we'd recommend checking Common Sense Media and reading what makes these "more adult" and see if you're cool with them with your kids (ex. profanity, storyline, etc). We recommend watching these with younger kids to explain complex plots.
Movies listed:
Rudy
Apollo 13
The Truman Show
Ready Player One (Watch out for the scene from the Shining)
Once
Arrival

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Loud noises, separation anxiety, monsters under the bed, scary movies, and "Holy sh*t, Dad - I'm gonna die someday?!" Max and Matt are venturing into the deep, dark wood that is childhood fears. How do you help your kids navigate scary stuff, when the part of their brain that freaks them out is better developed than the part that calms them down? What's the balance between sheltering, comforting, and providing young people the tools to face a world that can sometimes be legitimately terrifying? And how can stories - even spooky ones - help your kid feel like an empowered protagonist in that world? It’s Halloween, y’all! Wait until dark, grab a handful of your kids' trick-or-treating candy (they'll never notice), and take a walk with us on the dark side... 

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There is nothing worse than staring at your own four walls, counting the minutes until bedtime while your children slowly chip away at the last shreds of your sanity. But there's a cure for this affliction! Sometimes you just gotta GTFO o' the house! Is it easy? No! Does it go smoothly every time? Of course not! Is parenting in public occasionally a clusterf*ck? Sure! But taking your kids out into the world - whether it's an enriching library trip, or just an errand at the drug store - can be an amazing way to create adventure, stay present, and build closeness with your kids. Max and Matt dig into everything from outdoor excursions, to car time, to restaurants with toddlers. The Boys share tricks, tips, and outing ideas that have worked best for them. And they discuss why exposing your kids to the world, and all the crazy people out there in it, is an amazing (if frequently stressful) part of being a parent.

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We've got Vani Hari, AKA The Food Babe joining us this week! As a mother, author, cook, and activist, Vani has been able to rally her Food Babe Army of 1.5MM followers to hold massive food companies accountable for their practices. She's even gotten corporations like Kraft and General Mills to actually change some of the ingredients in their products. Holy sh*t! Who does that? With a new cookbook out this week (Food Babe Family), Vani is on a mission to help parents navigate a world of additives, dyes, and unhealthy food. Max and Matt (who are definitely on board but also a little less discerning about what they stuff in their faces) mix it up with Vani - trying to strike a balance between keeping their kids healthy and not freaking the f*ck out over every piece of candy. Vani's meteoric rise has not been without controversy, and the wide-ranging conversation spans everything from the FDA approval process, to getting your kids to eat their vegetables, to a social media influencers' responsibility to their followers. This one's a doozy, so grab a Twinkie and crank the volume. Let's go!

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Raising one kid feels like a lot, and then you have MORE of them and holy sh*t, the struggle is real. It's not just the exponential increase in exhaustion, navigating sibling dynamics is no joke. Older kid displacement. Younger Kid disadvantage. Middle kid... disappearance? How can we help our little hellions work through the complex dynamics of siblinghood, and when should we let them figure it out themselves? What does it look like to parent a baby and a five-year old at the same time? And how rough is... too rough? We're just scratching the surface of a HUGE topic, and one we'll definitely come back to - because this is about supporting what we hope will be some of the most important relationships in our kids' lives. Also, Matt and Max can talk about whatever they want, because YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF THEM. Not touching you. Can't get mad.

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HOLY SH*T KIDS ARE SO F'ING SLOW! It's just the truth. Our children do NOT move as quickly as we do. They don't hold onto urgency (a butterfly is STILL worth looking at, even when the plane leaves in an hour), and it often feels like the more you push, the harder they pull. Those "Hurry Up!" arguments are the worst, so how do we maintain some modicum of punctuality without constantly rushing our kids? Can you train your pokey hellions to get a move on when they really need to, while still allowing for the leisurely ultra-presence that makes childhood so special? And - in a world obsessed pace and productivity - how can we remind ourselves to make the distinction between moments when the urgency is real, and times when it honestly doesn't matter. Press play. Hurry up. Do it. Do it!! Holy hell, take forever, why don't you?!

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One of the toughest parts about parenting is that you frequently end up feeling like you’re failing at the thing you care about most. Parental Guilt is f*cking real! It’s a hard job to do well, and an impossible one to do perfectly. And, Man, do the stakes feel high. So how do you take it easy on yourself, while still aiming at a legendary standard? How do you snatch moments of calm, when your kids are hollering your name on repeat? And how clutch are earnest apologies in a world full of imperfect people? Matt and Max are going to ask Caitlin Murray of Big Time Adulting about it, because she’s been taking on parental guilt for years… hilariously, and in public. Her blend of brutal honesty and comedic talent has earned her more than a million followers, many of whom count on her to make them feel a little less crazy - and guilty - on the hard days. Get yourself a snack. Let’s go!

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Some people on Instagram have been asking @milklesspodcast about just who Max and Matt actually are. Here's the answer, Raw and Uncut! Childhood, marriage, career - the boys cover the whole enchilada in this candid and informal bonus episode.

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It's the Season 1 Finale! Not that big a deal, actually, Matt and Max'll be back at it in a few weeks - but it did feel like a good excuse to riff on some of the absolute BEST parts about being a Dad. From laughing your ass off at the dinner table, to having a tiny hype man tell their friends how strong you are - the whole parenting gig comes with some pretty tasty perks. This isn't about ignoring the hard parts - The Boys have spent much of the first nineteen episodes trying to stumble their way through those. But that's what makes remembering the good stuff so important! In the day-to-day grind of life, it can be easy to forget the wins, and a little shot of good vibes goes a long way when the Gremlins won't go the f*ck to sleep. Hopefully this episode sparks a few good memories from your own household, and maybe gives you a trick or two for keeping those types of things near the front of your mind. Parenting isn't a fairytale or a nightmare... it's both! And today we honor the first part. Let's ride.

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Don't know about you, but Max and Matt both kind of wish somebody had told them that having kids meant signing up for a lifetime of worry. Some of that anxiety is inevitable. As parents, we all have to reconcile the fact that our favorite tiny humans will go out and encounter a world that can be scary and unpredictable. And as mammals, it's our job to protect the offspring, so the Mama/Papa bear instinct needs to be strong. But how do you keep that natural parental worry from slipping into its unproductive big brother, persistent anxiety - especially in an era of rapid change, nonstop incoming information, and 24/7 news that's designed to scare the sh*t out of us. The Boys dive into it all, from sweating it around swimming pools, to pouring over finances, and hand-wringing about the state of the world. The chaos of life isn't going anywhere, so it's all about getting ourselves in a place to meet that uncertainty with confidence and calm. Sleep, exercise, the great outdoors, therapy - Max and Matt talk about the tools and practices they lean on to quiet those internal voices that like to freak the f*ck out. Let's do this!

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While doing research for another episode, Max came across an article called, "7 Mistakes that Destroy Kids' Mental Strength." After getting past the clickbaity headline, he actually found some pretty solid ideas. The boys go down the list one-by-one (just about all of these are things we mess up sometimes). How often do we rescue our kids from necessary struggle? What does it look like to navigate a ridiculous tantrum without invalidating your child's real feelings? Is it cool to spit on ducks, or is that a hard no? Nobody's destroying anybody around here, but it would be cool if we could avoid a few of these things a little more often. Now, let's go obliterate this episode.

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Dad… Dad.. Dad! DadDadDadDadDaaaaaaaaaddy Dad! -WHAT?!?! Getting annoyed with your kids is a time-honored tradition as old as parenting itself... but it still sucks! Why is it that the people we love by far the MOST in the world (no offense, spouses) so often drive us up the MFing wall? It's the little things - from fighting over the window seat, to totally disregarding sound parental guidance, to the never-ending barrage of “why?” - that can make even the best of us want to scream. So, are kids just inherently annoying? Is there any hope? And how do we come to see some of those behaviors not as pestering, but as an expression of real, legitimate needs - manifestations of curiosity and development in action. Because, while our kids are, undeniably, enormous burdens on all of us - we sure as hell don't want them to feel that way. And it wasn't their idea to be born and need us so bad. Matt and Max dive into the suuuuuper fun world of getting annoyed with your kids. Are we there yet?

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If you think about the millions of minutes we all spend with our respective families, it’s pretty much guaranteed that every household will develop its own peccadilloes and idiosyncrasies. But none of us get the same window into OTHER people's lives that we do into our own... which leads to the inevitable question: Is this weird? Do your kids INSIST on flushing the toilet? How do you handle bugs in the house - rescue mission or targeted attack? And what percentage of the words you exchange with your children are totally made up? Matt and Max have each prepared some hard-hitting questions for each other, as we seek to answer the ultimate question: Is my family totally insane?

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“They won’t remember it. The kids will make the whole thing a pain in the ass! It's too hard breaking out of the routine.” These are all the reasons you hear for not traveling with kids, but studies have shown that getting out there and seeing the world has amazing benefits for young people. We're talking tolerance, confidence, curiosity... the good stuff. In this episode, Matt and Max dive into the gauntlet that is traveling with children. We've got tips and tricks on how to make life on the road easier, more rewarding, and more fun for everyone - from international adventures, to camping out at the local state park. We'll also talk about the different ways to look at a vacation. Is it about relaxation, adventure, quality time, or a little bit of all the above? If your squad already travels a ton, hopefully you'll pick up a few new hacks. If you're worried about taking the plunge, then let this be your catalyst. Please put your tray tables in the upright and locked position, as we are about to f*cking do this. Let's go!

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There's no denying it: everybody is worse at everything when they're tired. And that may be more true of parenting than pretty much anything else. We're less patient, less fun, and quicker to snap at our kids when we're gassed. We all know it, and yet a large percentage of us consistently self-sabotage by staying up later than we should. Whether it's doom scrolling in bed, vegging on the couch watching TV, or worst of all: doing both at the same time, the phenomenon of "revenge bedtime procrastination" is widespread and growing. There has been a good deal of recent research into the topic, and Matt and Max are going to dig into it. They'll also speak quite a bit from personal experience - which, unfortunately, they've got a lot of. These two night owls share humiliating stories of self-inflicted sleep deprivation, trade strategies for avoiding those own-goals, and try to figure out why they just can't make themselves let go of the day. This may feel like a strange topic for an entire episode. But if you're chronically underslept, getting even one more hour a night could give you a bigger quality of life bump than just about anything else you could do. So, if you’re bingeing this episode at 2:30am… go the F to sleep and listen tomorrow morning! Otherwise, pour yourself a coffee (early in the day) and buckle up. It’s a fun one. Let’s go!

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This one's got something for everybody. Whether you’re expecting, know and love somebody who is, or are still wondering what the hell happened during that crazy phase right before your kids showed up - this is a dive into the parts of pregnancy that parents (and Dads especially) don't talk about nearly as much as they ought to. Max and Matt had two very different experiences bringing their combined 5 kids into the world, and there's a hell of a lot they wish they'd known going in... Like how common miscarriage is, or the average success rate of IVF, or what it feels like to doubt if the whole kids thing is ever going to happen at all. Even if you’re done having children, some of the data and perspectives in here are super interesting - and if everybody talked about this stuff a little more, the whole experience might feel a little less lonely. Plus, despite the heavier subject matter, these two idiots are still mostly trying to make each other laugh. Let’s go!

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We're all trying to raise healthy kids, but it can be a real battle getting good food into their bellies. Some kids eat everything. Others only want mac & cheese. And most kids seem to prefer an endless parade of snacks to an actual meal. So, how do picky eaters develop? Is there science behind the frustration? Is it nature, nurture, power struggle, total luck of the draw, or a little bit of all the above? And how can you help broaden your child’s pallet, so they don’t turn into that embarrassing guy that tells his first date “I only eat chicken fingers and french fries?” Matt and Max certainly don't bat a thousand on this one, but they are a couple of try-hards. It's a deep dive into the world of food with small humans, and if you struggle with getting your kids to eat healthy (or eat anything at all that’s not a snack) hopefully this one’s for you. Let’s go!

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When you have kids, you take on an unimaginable responsibility. Most of us realize that, for the first time, we care more about another human being than we do about ourselves. So you put the “self“ on the back burner for a few weeks... and then a few months... and then a few years... and then? This episode is about that metamorphosis, and about finding yourself again after becoming a parent. What does that process look like? When and how do we start to prioritize our own lives as the kids get older? And are we really trying to get back to who we once were, or is this about becoming someone new... maybe even someone stronger than who we were before. Let's go.

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Kids are NOT supposed to use profanity… right? But then at some point, it just becomes part of normal adult life. Matt and Max dive into the world of cursing with kids. What do you get mad about? What do you let slide? There’s actually a fair amount of data in support of off-color language (and we’ve got the studies to prove it, motherf*cker). So, how do you give your kids the room to experiment, while making sure they don’t wind up calling their teacher a Butt Nugget. And what the hell are we supposed to do with the unending barrage of poop talk? Couple pretty good stories in this one. Let’s. F*cking. Go.

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The format on this one’s a little different - just a mashup of musings on media. Matt and Max go back-and-forth on their favorite books, movies, shows and songs to read/watch/listen to with tiny humans! We're trying to get our kids hooked on good art. Trying to give them little windows into the adult world. Also, trying not to scare the sh*t out of them. This one's mostly just for fun, but I guess they all are. And who knows? Maybe it'll get you out of watching that same Peppa episode for the 11th time. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming next week - but keep an eye out for more Hot Takes in the future… we kinda like the ones we don’t even have to do research for.

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It's a debate! Finally, some conflict around here. Max and Matt dive into the world of planning, milestones, skills-building, and generally trying to get your kid ready for the world without giving 'em a complex. We've got one self-described "Chill Tiger Dad," and one artsy go-with-the-flow type... who is also a highly competitive entrepreneur. Contradictions abound. Let's do this.

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Honesty is the best policy, but snitches get stitches. Don’t keep secrets from your parents, but don’t tell mom about her surprise birthday party. What does it mean developmentally when our kids start lying to us, and how do we help them navigate the complex world of honesty in a polite society? This is a fun one. Lets go!

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American parenting culture constantly emphasizes skills-building and academics, which puts a ton of pressure on Dad's to become Tiger Parents. But what about straight-up fun?! What about free play, imagination, and child-driven adventure? Matt and Max take a look at the many different kinds of play - from team sports to digging around in the mud - exploring the invaluable qualities that horsing around, in all its forms, helps instill in children.  Most importantly, we're on the lookout for ways to have adventures and create activities that are fun for everybody - including the grown-ups - because most of us Dads could use a little more play in our lives too. It's all fun and games until the United Nations recognizes play as a right of every child. This is serious business. LET'S GO!

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Do you and your partner keep a secret scorecard on who has done more for the family? Sounds like a TERRIBLE idea - and a great way to start a fight. But the truth is we all keep score more than we realize, and a well-thought-out division of labor is key in a happy marriage. So, who does mornings? Cooks dinner? Does baths? What about the laundry? We look at a few surprising studies, and talk about how to keep things fair without constantly counting favors. Let’s do this.

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Keeping your kids safe is job one for every parent. But there’s no such thing as avoiding risk entirely, and nobody wants to think of themselves as a helicopter parent. So, how do we balance giving our kids a long leash to explore the world, while holding onto job #1 (safety)? How do we protect our kids without making them think the world is a scary place? And does hovering truly avoid risk, or does it just delay it? Join us as we unpack risk on this episode… also, we talk about wildebeests.

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We didn't know we had a temper until we had kids. Have you ever completely blown your top? When your kids push your buttons, what's the worst thing you've said or done? All parents deal with frustration and anger when raising kids. On this episode, we swap embarrassing stories from when we've lost it, look at a few studies, and trade tips and strategies to keep the volcano from erupting. This is a really fun episode so we hope you enjoy it!

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How do you provide discipline and consequences for your child in the modern world? You can’t hit ‘em (the research is pretty clear on that), so what do you do to keep your kids well behaved? Is that even the goal? Matt and Max try to navigate the gauntlet of setting boundaries.

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If you're new to listening to Milkless, you can do in ANY ORDER. So feel free to scan our catalogue and start with a topic that is especially interesting to you.

Dads have had a major shift in the last 75 years. We've gone from pipe smoking, unavailable, and disinterested in our kids to either interested but unengaged or neutered and not respected. Did we overcompensate as a culture when trying to be different from the 1950's dad? We talk about how we fall into these stereotypes, why we think they are so prevalent, and what we can do to combat it. *Disclaimer:* This was our first episode and there was a 2 second lag in our communications so the dialogue wasn't the most snappy. Enjoy!

Also! Matt wrote a kids chapter book and Max illustrated it! Buy Violet Archer on Amazon here today!

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