EP21: People Pleasing

In episode 21 we talk about people pleasing. We explore why we do it, what it means, the positive and negative sides to it and how to move towards having healthier boundaries in all areas of life.

Key Takeaways:

1. The term people pleasing; refers to all humans, that one may willingly do things for, at the expense of oneself.

2. The act of people pleasing is about controlling how others may view you, act towards you, and often generates resentment in the person doing the pleasing.

3. People pleasing can also come from an inherent sense of unworthiness. Therefore we feel we need to add value or become worthy people to combat that idea.

4. People pleasing can also be aided by the discomfort in setting boundaries and the expected or imagined conflict that that action may bring. 

5. In art and in life, self-awareness and self-reflection are going to be the things that serve you in understanding:

a. Are you trying to control someone’s thoughts, feelings, or reaction?

b. Are you feeling resentful?

c. Is the need or want you’re anticipating true? 

d. Is the urgency or danger you’re feeling to fulfil this perceived need real?

6. At the same time, we shouldn’t gaslight ourselves and deny:

a. We have cultural expectations, and a difference in in the philosophies we grow up with.

b. Our experiences are valid, and that the definition of danger or urgency depends on our situations.

7. People pandering and boundary work BOTH use energy:

a. However, people pleasing has a perpetual use of energy.

b. Whereas boundary work might have a larger investment at the start but a maintenance energy as time goes on.

8. The choice therefore lies with the individual, and which energy they feel costs them the least.

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Iris

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Tamara

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