71. Values-Filled Advice About Sleep Routines and De-escalating Situations

This week, we’re going to dive right into two topics that are both highly relevant these days. Lately, I’m hearing a lot from private clients, Instagram, and patrons alike about sleep routines for kids that are starting to give up their naps – and I’ll give you a heads-up, it’s actually more about the parents’ values. We’ll also look at de-escalating situations, which I’m sure you’ll all agree is a skill that is currently in great demand throughout our entire country.

I’ll share with you the importance of sleep, particularly in children under 6, and how the decision about sleep routines is very much rooted in the values which each of the parents hold. In light of this fact, I also strongly encourage you all to read (or re-read) the ‘Values’ chapter in my Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler book for more in-depth information and exercises to follow. Moving onto our other topic, I provide the steps involved in de-escalating situations whether on-line, in person or otherwise, and which are valuable when dealing with adults, and can work with children as well. As mentioned, these seem to be growing into hot topics in parenting and relationships these days – today’s episode will assist you in navigating your way through them and lead to the development of the healthy, happy, well adjusted adults for which we all strive.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

· It is well documented that children need more sleep than they’re currently getting in our society

· We all have internal value systems

· One common value clash in parents is one valuing routine and boundaries and the other more valuing creativity and super adventure

· When the child is under 6 boundaries and routines are best for kids

· You’re actually doing your child a brain/intellectual disservice by not giving them plenty of sleep

· If you’re in a situation where one parent stays home with the kids, that parent gets the final say on this issue, because they deal with the consequences the next day

· Read the chapter on ‘Values’ in my book, Oh Crap? I Have a Toddler

· As parents, it’s important to determine what your values are so you can come to an understanding

· Walking away is always an option when a situation is escalating

· No matter what the escalation, remember kindness first

· If you activate a childhood wound, you are adding fuel to the fire

· Bring your vocal quality down when de-escalating

· In any given escalation, determine what the other person needs to hear and acknowledge that

· You have to offer a bridge to the olive branch

· Find out what you need in this emotional transaction – and it can’t be ‘to be right’

· If you don’t care about the relationship, just walk away

Quotes:

“When you put an already kind of psychotic three year old on less sleep, you are adding fuel to a massive fire!”

“You have your child’s entire childhood to be the whimsical adventuresome parent, and…your ten year old is going to love you for this. But your three year old is just going to be a fucking mess tomorrow, plain and simple.”

“You’re not raising a kid for your feelings. You’re raising a kid to be a healthy, happy, well adjusted adult.”

“There’s tons of nuance and grey in every situation.”

“You are never, ever going to de-escalate any sort of situation without kindness.”

“Most often, all of us just want to be heard…we don’t even need to be right.”

Links:

Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ 

Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU

Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - 

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738

Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki?