Marriage or Monasticism? (The Young Facing the Two Paths in Life) - St. Paisios the Athonite

From "Spiritual Counsels Vol. IV: Family Life"

0:07 - Married life and monastic life are both blessed 

3:15 - Anxiety in getting settled 

5:14 - Let us help the young follow their inclination 

8:30 - Deciding on a way of life 

13:41 - Studies and getting settled 

20:16 - The spiritual life is the basic prerequisite to a good marriage   

Geronda, what should one say to young people who ask if monastic life is superior to married life?  

-To begin with, one must help them understand what the destiny of man is and what the meaning of life is. Then one can explain to them that both roads indicated by our Church are blessed, because each can lead them to Paradise if they abide by the will of God. Let's say that two people start out on a pilgrimage. One takes the bus using the public road and the other goes on foot along some trail. Both have the same goal. God rejoices in the one and marvels at the other just the same. It would be bad if he who goes on foot criticizes the other who takes the bus, or vice versa.

Those young people who may be thinking about monasticism should know that the mission of the monk or the nun is a very high calling; it is to become an angel. In the next life, in Heaven, we will live like angels, Jesus Christ had told the Sadducees. This is why some very philotimo-filled* young people become monks or nuns and embark on their angelic life from this present life.

But let no one think that those who go to the monastery will be saved simply because they became monks or nuns. Each person will account to God about whether he sanctified the path of life he chose. Philotimo is needed everywhere. God does not make deserving or undeserving people; but, anyone who doesn't have this spirit of philotimo, no matter what path of life he follows, will be undeserving. On the contrary, the philotimo-filled man will make progress, wherever he may be, because Divine Grace is with him. There are married people who live most virtuously and are sanctified. The head of a household who loves God and is drawn by divine eros, can make great spiritual progress. In the meantime, they can endow their children with virtues, create a good family, and receive a double reward from God.

This is why every young person should aim to struggle in life with philotimo and without anxiety, in order to sanctify his or her chosen path of life. Do they prefer marriage? Then they ought to wed, but they should struggle to be good spouses and live a holy life. Do they prefer monastic life? Then they should choose monastic life, but they must struggle to become a good monk or nun. One must weigh and assess his strengths, understand his limitations, before embarking on one of the two ways of life. If, for example, a young woman can see that she doesn't have the strength needed to become a nun, then she can humbly say to God, "My Lord, I am weak; I cannot live as a nun. Please send me a good man who can help me so that we create a good family and live a spiritual life.” God will not abandon her. If she chooses to marry and create a good family; if she lives in accordance with the Gospel, God will not ask for more from her. 

*Philotimo means “love of honor” and in the spiritual life it is the desire to “outdo one another in showing honor” (Rom 12:10) and fulfill the Lord’s command that “whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain” (Matt 5:41).

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