12: Bullying, and the best way to tackle it. Also, dealing with teenage backchat.

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A definition of bullying:  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3918673/

Negative physical, verbal, or relational actions that (a) have hostile intent, (b) cause distress to the victim, (c) are repeated and (d) involve a power imbalance between perpetrators and victims.

What researchers have learned about it:

• There is no single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bullied by others as well. Similarly, those who are bullied sometimes bully others.
• Solutions to bullying are not simple. Bullying prevention approaches that show the most promise confront the problem from many angles. They involve the entire school community—students, families, administrators, teachers, and staff in creating a culture of respect. Zero tolerance and expulsion are not effective approaches.
• Bystanders, or those who see bullying, can make a huge difference when they intervene on behalf of someone being bullied.
• Studies have shown that adults can help prevent bullying by talking to children about bullying, encouraging them to do what they love, modelling kindness and respect, and seeking help.

WHAT PARENTS CAN DO:     Ask questions of everyone, write everything down and become the most pleasant nuisance you can be until it is resolved.

Beforehand: Parents create trust with children by initiating open, honest discussions. Communicate values and learn about your child’s experience. Make it easier for your children to turn to you if they witness or experience bullying. A bully's preferred method of intimidation is to keep his victim isolated. A parent's best strategy for countering bullying is to reach out to as many people as necessary to make sure that the bullying comes to an end.

IF YOU THINK YOUR TEEN MIGHT HAVE BEEN BULLIED: Start the conversation in a general way because it’s humiliating to admit.
IF THEY AREN’T SURE IT WAS BULLYING: Ask open-ended questions to get more information about what happened, so you can help them identify bullying.
IF YOUR CHILD WAS THE BULLY:  Stay calm. Be open and listen. Ask questions. The goal is to help them learn from this and work through the reasons they did it so you can help them find other, healthy ways to deal with their feelings or situations that come up. You will also need to work with the school or parents to deal with it. 

BULLYING
https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/teens

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I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

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