33: Masculine role models: Andrew Tate, misogyny, red pills, and the manosphere.

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We've been asked by a listener to discuss how we talk to our boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate, who act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny. 

If you have a son who spends time online  he's highly likely to have come across the concepts being bandied around - simply as a result of the algorithms used in social media. Whether the words red pill, matrix, and manosphere have any particular meaning for you, they are having an increasing impact on the environment our boys are growing up in. It's up to us as parents to help our boys unpack what they're hearing and sift the diamonds from the dirt. 

My research into the topic has highlighted an urgent need to be talking with our sons about their dreams, and how we can support them in discovering role models who show what it is to be a successful man, without needing to humiliate and destroy other people.   

Top tips:

1. Avoid silencing your teen, even if you disagree with what they say. It's vital that they are given the chance to talk about what they're thinking so that you can have proper discussions about it. Telling them they are wrong won't help them think about the issues.
2. Focus the discussion on what is really attractive to them about the messages they are hearing, and help them to differentiate between the positive and the dangerously negative.
3. Unpick the words the boys use and be clear about anything that is sexist, racist, etc and why that's an issue. Remember, they are building their identity and they're allowed to make mistakes along the way.  Don't shame them.
4. Arm yourself with real facts. If they tell you something that they've heard online help them to go to real sources, rather than simply listening to someone who has an agenda and wants to get lots of clicks.
5. Don't just focus on Tate, he's only one of the people espousing this thinking.

Great role models:

Mark Lewis: https://www.marklewis.co.uk/

• Novak Djokovic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=867mtHTsaDo
• Stephen Bartlett - Diary of a CEO (Business) His podcast has lots of successful men being interviewed.
• KSI, Beta Squad, Sidemen, Mr Beast, Chris MD. 
• Bear Grylls - Chief Scout and outdoor adventurer.
• Lebron James - Basketball
• Dwayne Johnson - former wrestler now actor - a top earning Insta celeb.
• Christiano Ronaldo - footballer, family man, top earning Insta celeb.
• Justin Baldoni - Actor 
• Chris Evans - Captain America actor
• Terry Crews - Former NFL and actor
• Jay Shetty - Author and Podcaster
• Kendrick Lamar - Rapper

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I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
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Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk