Secondhand Therapy

Lou doesn't hate to be needed after all which ties into his main focus of being. Lou feels like he has to catch everything before it happens. Michael's ADHD has his to-do list floating around in the ether. Michael still prioritizes his external appearance over his internal growth. Lou and Michael compare their views on their phones affecting their presence. Michael talks about his past situationship that hurt him real bad.

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Lou can't believe what Michael is doing in therapy. Lou saw his dad for the first time in four years... unplanned. Lou recaps his relationship with his father. Michael is coming to terms with loving his family but not necessarily liking them. Lou and Michael debate grief before discussing cutting people out of your life and closing the door on relationships. We finally figure out why Michael won't close the door. 

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Lou had a very existential therapy session this week. Why are humans the ones, ya know? Lou reflects on his phone and online shopping and the dopamine hit of a new match before getting into his swan song in therapy. Michael is starting a new exercise tracking points and he is already up ten thousand.

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We’re talking about the emotional side of the election and Donald Trump’s victory before we get into understanding your needs as a human.

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Lou and Michael pull cards from the game “We’re Not Really Strangers” which lead to conversations about when they’ve surprised themselves, curiosity vs judgement, cause and effect, what parts of themselves they see in each other and much much more. And then Lou shares something that rocks Michael’s world.

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Love, Vulnerability and Boundaries... Lou confronts the complexities of relationships as he addresses his partner's perceived lack of effort in their home life. Lou explores the struggle of balancing healthy boundaries with genuine care. Lou and his partner reflect on their progress in conflict resolution before Lou reflects on his fear of embracing true vulnerable love.

Michael shares his insights on the impact of his father's influence on his current relationships, acceptance, and emotional well-being. The discussion delves into a thought-provoking debate: Does love need to be earned?

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We couldn’t avoid it any longer. We’re talking about grief this week.

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This is a deeper, heavier episode. Lou opens with a quick pickleball story. Feeling a bit down lately, Michael explores the reasons behind his funk, with Lou suggesting it might be for obvious reasons. The conversation delves into Michael's childhood experiences and his relationship with his parents, offering insights into how our past shapes our present. Tune in for an honest and relatable dialogue about mental health, personal growth, and the pressures of perfectionism!

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Lou shares his dream with a surprising message for Michael, sparking a discussion about self-reflection and personal growth before cussing out his Grandma. Lou reveals his new habit of mouth-taping during sleep. Lou may have a hygiene problem. Meanwhile, Michael candidly reflects on his professional journey, expressing feelings of backstepping and the sacrifices he’s made for his career.

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Stay tuned after the episode for a little surprise! A sample of our weekly "After the Pod" only on Patreon!

Lou shares his candid thoughts on why he struggles with therapy, particularly due to the scheduling during the day (not really). He reveals exciting news about finally getting scheduled for his autism and ADHD testing, highlighting the importance of understanding these neurodivergent experiences. Meanwhile, Michael embarks on his first EMDR session with a new therapist, diving into the transformative process of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. As Michael explores Internal Family Systems (IFS), he uncovers new parts of himself and reflects on the deep emotions tied to self-reliance.

Topics discussed: therapy, autism, ADHD, EMDR, Internal Family Systems, self-discovery, mental health, neurodivergence, emotional healing, talk therapy.

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In this insightful episode, Michael opens up about the side effects he's experienced from his ADHD medication. Join him and Lou as they explore their differing views on strangers discussing medication and the impact of mental health on daily life.

Lou shares a humorous story about sliding into a celebrity's DMs—only to face rejection. The conversation takes a deeper turn as they address behind-the-scenes challenges in their podcast collaboration, highlighting the dynamics of their working relationship.

As Lou dives into his Internal Family Systems (IFS) work, he reveals new aspects of himself that emerge when witnessing loved ones engage in self-destructive behaviors. He also candidly discusses his struggle with dissociation during parts work, while Michael confronts his discomfort in these emotional discussions.

Listen in for a raw and honest dialogue about ADHD, medication, personal growth, and the complexities of relationships. Don’t forget to follow us for more episodes on mental health and self-discovery! #ADHD #MentalHealth #Podcast #PersonalGrowth #IFS #Medication #SelfAwareness #Relationships #SelfDestructiveBehavior #MentalWellness

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Michael has noticed that he used to be hot but now he's just cute. Lou doesnt care. Michael talks about the Ask Matrix and how his time with his new therapist is starting out.

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Michael clears up a few things (a lot of things) from Episode 051 with regards to public perception, Snapchat and other things. Lou made a joke in therapy that didn’t land. Lou painted his toenails. Lou feels weak and embarrassed for missing his partner and had an uncomfortable conversation with her about it. 

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We talk about a break-up…

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Michael explores the impact of ADHD on his life, highlighting how it enforces a strict schedule due to executive dysfunction. He shares his struggles with all-or-nothing thinking and his pursuit of the ideal. Meanwhile, Lou, who is not usually fond of activities, reflects on his recent EMDR therapy sessions related to his past relationship and former partner. He discusses overcoming anxiety and wonders if it's time to share his personal story.

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Lou got a vasectomy and afterward played a joke on his girlfriend. Michael’s words are not matching his actions in areas of his life… specifically with women. Michael’s continued struggle with boundaries might have made him a f*ck boy. How old is too old to have Snapchat? Okay but is Michael a f*ck boy or no? Michael is still addicted to validation but he really doesn’t want to be. 

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Michael and Lou delve into a thought-provoking discussion about communication and emotional challenges. Michael recounts a transformative family trip to the woods, where he faced miscommunication, lack of empathy, and emotional misalignment. He reflects on how his past frustrations surfaced during this experience. Lou shares insights from his own experiences with "verbal one-night stands," offering valuable lessons learned about the impact of words. Together, Michael and Lou explore the power of words and how they can sometimes be unintentionally hurtful. Michael also opens up about feeling isolated and misunderstood, especially within his family dynamics. 

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Lou recaps a compelling text from the podcast hotline, leading to a candid discussion about relationship expectations, accountability, and the hope for partner change. Lou shares his struggle with naming his feelings and reflects on a challenging situation that left his girlfriend heartbroken and its impact on him. Lou revisits childhood memories from Little Louie to explore why vengeance has been a key motivation for him. Learn about the surprising source of comfort Lou sought as a child and its influence on his emotional journey.

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Lou dives into the unique challenges of being the sole member of your family pursuing self-improvement through therapy. He shares his personal journey and experiences in couples therapy, shedding light on the emotional and psychological impacts of seeking help. Michael opens up about his struggles with self-frustration, particularly around not learning from past mistakes and the role of people-pleasing in his life, especially in his relationship with his roommate. He explores the deep-seated shame he feels when setting boundaries and saying “no” to others. Additionally, Michael discusses the importance of dreaming intentionally and offers insights on how to harness your dreams for personal growth and mental well-being. 

Topics discussed: mental health podcast, therapy, couples therapy, self-improvement, people-pleasing, setting boundaries, personal growth, intentional dreaming, mental well-being, emotional health.

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Warning: This episode contains a discussion about suicide, suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation. Michael talks about finding a surprise at his friend's house in Texas and it sparks thoughts and behaviors in him that he hasn't felt in quite awhile. Lou talks about the benefits of evolving with the right partner but also how sometimes your old habits creeps back in even when you're doing the work to keep them at bay. 

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Michael makes the mistake of mixing ADHD medication with coffee. Michael talks about the new feeling of being detached from your own reality before talking about his efforts of accepting positive feedback. Michael shares everything with everyone and Lou doesn’t. Lou is getting close to accessing shame in therapy. Lou gets into his childhood and how his upbringing probably wasn’t conducive to emotional development; Lou talks about his mom and hates it.

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We welcome comedian Gabby Lamb to the sleuth today! Michael explores therapist transitions and his new ADHD medication. Lou reflects on philanthropy in Los Angeles. Is starting your day with news or social media detrimental? They share personal stories about upbringing and parental dynamics. Gabby dives into managing comments and her unyielding resolve.

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Lou and Michael explore the impact of sharing beliefs on social media and the accessibility of voices online, amidst global issues. Lou reflects on his vision of an ideal life and its practicality, while Michael shares his heartfelt journey navigating Mother’s Day without his mom and grappling with time management and future planning. They also delve into the emotional toll of living apart from family and feeling disconnected from their everyday reality.

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We welcome guest host Omono Okojie to the sleuth to talk all things existential dread!

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We welcome our good friend and comedian Jenny Zigrino to the sleuth to talk all things grief, coping and eating disorders

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Join Lou and Michael as they delve into the complexities of emotional support and personal growth in this enlightening conversation. Lou grapples with the possibility of entering his hippie phase, sparking a spirited debate with Michael. A profound revelation emerges as Lou confronts the stark reality of never having experienced physical affection, igniting a poignant discussion on the importance of human connection. Then, they get into a candid exploration of the ideal methods of support in times of emotional vulnerability, including the poignant question of how to comfort a friend in need. Unravel the intricacies of communication styles within families, as Michael sheds light on the concept of unconditional love. Gain valuable insights as Michael shares his journey towards reframing expectations and embracing gratitude.

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We had a bit of an unforeseen and unprecedented recording this week...

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Join Michael and Lou in a transformative episode where they dive deep into personal growth journeys. Michael shares his breakthrough experience with ADHD medication, unveiling profound life changes. Delving further, they explore the struggle of finding intrinsic value in accomplishments. Lou sheds light on his quest to cherish the process rather than fixate on outcomes, resonating with Michael's journey. Additionally, Lou confronts the impact of his pursuit of perfection on his relationships, offering valuable insights for listeners. Tune in for an enriching conversation on embracing change, valuing the journey, and overcoming perfectionism.


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Michael opens up about a recent emotional setback and his journey back to a place he's avoided for some time. Delve into Michael's struggles with self-forgiveness contrasted with his ease in forgiving others. Lou and Michael engage in a candid discussion on accountability and the importance of seeking and granting apologies. In a poignant moment, Lou reflects on a significant breakthrough in therapy, particularly regarding communication challenges. Together, Lou and Michael also share heartfelt experiences and dreams involving their deceased loved ones, offering a glimpse into the complexities of grief and healing. Tune in to gain valuable insights into navigating the intricacies of mental health, fostering forgiveness, and embracing breakthroughs in therapy. Don't miss out on this raw and authentic conversation.

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Join Lou and Michael for a deep dive into relationships, anxiety, and personal growth on this episode. From questioning the duration of people's roles in our lives to navigating anxiety and ADHD, they share their candid experiences. Tune in as they explore the challenges of therapy and the liberating journey of shedding self-identities.

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Lou is sick but still talks about his frustration doing parts work in therapy. Lou still struggles feeling silly, especially in therapy. Michael feels left out, even when he isn’t left out. Michael has started to lean into life more while he is also learning to dodge energy that isn’t for him. Michael hates kids, except one.

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Lou looks different in glasses. Lou had a nice day outside enjoying the trees. Michael likes posting about his daily activities online while Lou hates it. Michael talks about accepting himself and not liking kids before Lou reveals his RAADS-R results. The boys debate how the majority should affect your behaviors.

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Lou fills Michael in on some secrets he’s been keeping. Lou wants to start wearing glasses so he looks less scary. Michael reflects on seeing himself in others while he was on the road before unpacking how he has made grief his identity. Michael saw a psychic and learned some things. Michael is struggling with how he looks these days… or rather, who he looks like.

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Michael thinks Lou is autistic. The boys unpack the surprisingly controversial Episode 030. Disclaimer: We do not mean any offense to anyone on the spectrum. This is a real conversation not intended to be insulting in any way. We have had this conversation in private and in therapy and thought it was important to share as adult diagnoses of autism are becoming more common as people navigate their mental health.

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Lou had a really rough therapy session this week unpacking how his last relationship is affecting his current relationship. Lou talks about how his nervous system is taking over before diving in to his approach to being the best partner he can be. Michael talks about his growing loneliness before coming clean with the bear cubs about his recent breakup and the toll it's taking on him. 

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Guest host Madison Bellissimo sits in with Papa Bear as Michael is out of town to talk all things love and struggle.

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Lou talks about his first EMDR session before Michael voices his concern for not having a good memory. Lou challenges Michael on his approach and desire for healing. Michael and Lou debate what “normal” means. Michael quickly begins to feel his back against the wall and confronts Lou about it. Michael is trying to re-program himself. 

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Michael starts off dissecting his newfound daddy issues and how validation and disappointment plays into his life before getting into his younger self. Lou and Michael get into their individual desires to express more gratitude. Lou explores the dichotomy of having a great life but not feeling great all the time before discussing EMDR.

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Michael is still people pleasing and discusses getting “in trouble” as a grown man. Lou and Michael debate the difference between disrespect and not giving a fuck before getting into talking to their younger selves and comparing their different views on validation. Michael needs a Mom again… right?


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Papa Bear has a life update that he has been hiding from the Bear Cubs for a few weeks; he comes clean before opening up about some new struggles. Michael discusses his fear of not being enough for potential partners before getting into his realization that he needs a hobby. Michael has an epiphany about his anxiety.

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We welcome comedian Lara Beitz to the sleuth to talk all things mental health.

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Lou still can’t cry and may be getting closer to knowing why before talking about getting closer with his therapist and how he feels defeated in therapy lately. Michael is still a people pleaser and talks about how outside opinions help him make progress. Michael and Lou discuss goal-setting in personal and professional aspects. 

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Lou is kinda grumpy; Michael has no interest in learning how to be alone. Michael talks about sacrificing all of his needs in order to please those around him before detailing how he gets into the hole of isolation.  Lou talks about being in touch with his body and how that affects one’s nervous system. The boys discuss their different approaches to swag. Lou wants to cry but still hasn’t. Yet.

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Lou and Michael discuss their very different relationships with their fathers and their ideologies regarding families and forgiveness.

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Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions related to sexual assault.

We welcome Hanorah to the sleuth to discuss all things anxiety, PTSD, self-love and more!

Hanorah is multidisciplinary artist based out of a small studio filled with cats, canvases, and glittered tape recorders in Montreal’s west end. With years of touring under her belt (including several television appearances and supporting the likes of Mavis Staples and Lee Fields), she recently took time to plunge back into song writing and forge a new musical direction. What emerged was a collection of songs highlighting the overlap between maturity and the enduring charm of playfulness. Music that journeys through emotions of the past and present, as she blurs the lines between the recurring cycles of time, choice, and circumstance. In short, her first full length album ‘Perennial’. A work packed with soulful ballads and RnB grooves as it digs deeper into Hanorah’s musical roots to explore the lush tones and textures of her voice. Influenced by the likes of Etta James and Joni Mitchell, the combination of Hanorah’s powerful voice and the vulnerability of her messaging naturally drew her to soul music. Following an early record deal, she released her debut EP ‘For The Good Guys And The Bad Guys’ in 2019. The record amassed over a million streams, won her several awards, and helped her tour extensively through Canada and the U.S. In 2022, Hanorah released her debut album Perennial through Ensoul records. In its initial month, the first singles amassed over 50,000 streams on Spotify and 60,000 views on YouTube. The release was met with wide anticipation. It was featured on over 20 radio stations across Canada and multiple spots on editorial playlists through Spotify. Exclaim! Magazine listed the album as a ‘staff pick’ for 2022 and she performed several tracks on the hit Quebec TV show Belle et Bum. The band is currently on tour supporting the album, with stops at Liverpool Sound City and Focus Wales in the UK, as well as Los Angeles, CA (Pop Montreal) and Austin, TX (SXSW).

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Lou and Michael discuss their different experiences from a recent party they attended before getting into their strong opinions regarding people asking you to remove your shoes at their house. Michael has a theory on Lou’s opposition to small talk. Michael reveals his surprise feelings of loneliness recently before getting into his struggle with codependency.  Lou and Michael discuss the idea of choosing happiness before Michael gets into his difficulties processing emotions.

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Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions related to sexual assault, child abuse, pedophilia. suicide, suicide attempts. We welcome Siliva Saige to the sleuth to discuss her difficult journey from childhood to becoming a star in adult entertainment.

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Lou is still talking about his newfound fear of relationships; his therapist gives him a crash course on attachment styles and boundaries before he explains how it can be all tied to a discomfort about identity. Lou and Michael talk about how misery can be comforting before Michael talks about his melancholy Thanksgiving where he fell into a dark hole of grief.  Michael talks about embracing the disgruntled employee that lives within all of us.

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Lou reveals his strategy for dealing with breakups before Michael gives his thoughts on anger and retaliation that follows cheating. Lou talks about dealing with feelings of rejection in the dating world.  Michael talks about his recent business trip where he implemented some new self-love tactics before getting into his desire to unlock some childhood memories in therapy. Lou and Michael talk more about Lou’s recent rejection.


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Michael talks about a dream he recently had that really messed with him before contemplating how he’s processed his grief.  Lou and Michael debate what showing emotion actually looks like while sharing their difficulties crying in front of people.  Lou talks about an exercise from his therapy session that sent him into a panic attack before he and Michael talk about their childhoods.

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Michael talks about his new confidence since getting his teeth fixed and how his therapist tied it back to his struggle with self-love. Lou and Michael discuss self-awareness when it comes to showing up in relationships. Lou figures out why he can’t be late before his therapist gets into the weeds regarding his lifelong use of humor as a shield.

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We welcome Behavioral Specialist Laurie Singer to the sleuth today to talk all things grief, anxiety, self-worth, ADHD and more.

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Lou starts off discussing having prepared answers ready for vulnerable conversations before talking about calling his therapist out for using “therapy talk.” Lou and Michael discuss empathy; Lou finally figured out why he struggles with it. Michael and Lou discuss social media and how their opinions on it differ. Michael talks about a big takeaway from the book he’s currently reading.

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Michael ponders his struggle with anxiety and control before unpacking how he protects his partners from his flaws in relationships. Lou and Michael discuss monogamy and the idea of legacies. Lou talks about his recent thoughts regarding having kids before taking you through an anxiety-filled exercise from his recent therapy session.

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Lou recaps the final session with his current therapist before he moves on with a new therapist. Michael and Lou ponder what “normal” life looks like before contemplating the differences between men and women. Michael opens up about his experience with losing interest in past relationships. Lou and Michael debate what the majority or romantic relationships look like.

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Lou didn’t have therapy this week and Lou really needed therapy this week.  Lou talks about how a small crush led him into his feelings of the past.  Lou and Michael discuss the stresses of moving and difficulties of finding a place to live in Los Angeles.  Michael talks about uncovering an old journal and the entries sending him into reflection about his past. 

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Lou is in a mood and we never really find out why.  Lou talks about his recent day at Disneyland.  Michael and Lou talk about the viral 75 Hard Challenge and Michael’s take on his own version before discussing the likelihood of implementing permanent change. Lou talks about his new revelation from therapy that there are no good or bad decisions. Finally, Michael has had enough and the boys fight.

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Michael and Lou discuss some negative feedback they received about the podcast before they get into Michael’s addiction to inner conflict. Lou hates being late and discusses his recent hypocrisy-filled rage situation. Lou discovered he needs to find a new therapist. 

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We couldn’t avoid it any longer. We’re talking about grief this week.

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Lou is not hoeing. Michael has been throwing anger tantrums; Lou talks about mindfulness helping him overcome his past anger before they debate healing your inner child versus living in the past. Lou and Michael dip their toes into discussing grief.

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Lou talks about never having had his “ho era” and his recent desire to start hoeing.  Lou details a recent experience he had in the ho world. Lou and Michael discuss societal norms and the ideas of monogamy and marriage.

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Lou and Michael discuss their respective issues with body image before getting into the effects of self-talk. Lou still doesn’t care if you like him.

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Lou expresses his desire to show more gratitude in life. Michael talks about his breakthrough in therapy and possibilities of why he doesn’t like himself.

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Lou and Michael discuss their love languages and attachment styles before considering whether unconditional love is a real thing. Lou talks about his recent experience dating a 26 year-old.

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Get acquainted with your hosts, Lou Paoletti and Michael Malone, as they give a rundown of what to expect on Secondhand Therapy.

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