Episode 29: So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex

Dr. Ian Kerner is the Sherlock Holmes of sex—he’s a detective who helps people to understand the mysteries behind their sexual problems. His approach to sex therapy begins with a simple question: “So tell me about the last time you had sex.” This question establishes the “scene of the crime,” and then it all becomes a matter of searching for the clues that led up to it.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Kerner, who co-leads the sex therapy program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in New York City. He is the New York Times best-selling author of the book She Comes First, and his latest book titled: So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.

We talk all about Dr. Kerner’s unique approach to sex therapy, how people at home can use it as a form of self-help, and general tips for improving your intimate life.

Specific topics we cover include:

• How is sex therapy like a form of detective work? And how can this approach help sex therapists to better serve their clients?
• How can you better understand your own—and our partner’s—sexual scripts, and why is this a vital first step in fixing a sexual problem?
• What are the different frameworks for sexual desire? And what can you do if you and your partner have different desire frameworks?
• How is sex therapy similar or different with heterosexual patients compared to LGBTQ patients?
• Why is it important for us to change the way we think about our own sexual fantasies?
• How can you more effectively communicate about your fantasies with a partner?

To learn more about Dr. Kerner, check out his website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of his new book, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.