Episode 305: Tangled up in Rules

Tangled Up In Rules

Concept:  Jeff Hallett

Written by Jeff Hallett and Dennis Donovan

Vocals, music, and mixing: Firefly

Early one morning, the sun was shining

I was playin’ ‘gainst Fred 

Startin’ up a new campaign game

One from the Barricades, Red
We both played ASL together

Just couldn’t play it enough

We never did like that Squad Leader mess

The rulebook wasn’t big enough

Now it’s time to get the show on the road 

Wondering what units to choose

Setting up will take weeks at most
Lord knows there’s SSRs, to go through

Tangled up in rules

He was married when we first met

Soon to be divorced

Helped him through a rough time, oh yes 

With Advanced Squad Leader of course 

We played that game as much as we could

Never gave it a rest

Stayed up late most every night

Arguing, but only in jest

He poked around in Chapter B

As I was yakkin’ away

Heard him mumble something ‘bout “ rubble

Collapsing on a wide city avenue?”

Tangled up in rules

I had a half-track set up in some woods 

Lurking on the flank for a spell

But it wasn’t really doing all that much

Then one turn some mortar shells fell

So I read all about area fire

Chapter C, 1 point 5-5

Knowin’ he’d smile and probably gloat 

If my half-track got destroyed

But the HT’s partially armored

So I asked around online

I’ve seen a lot of answers

But none made sense in my mind 

What else is new??

Tangled up in rules

He was lookin’ in the Perry Sez

When I popped opened a beer

I just kept reading the Chapter C pages

The examples aren’t so clear

And later on when we figured it out

Finally gettin’ back to our game

He was saying, “I’m still not quite clear

‘bout that whole open-topped thang.”

I muttered somethin’ underneath my breath 

And studied the links on the page

I must admit I felt a little uneasy

When he pointed out some errata from Journal 2

Tangled up in rules

I'd setup for a perfect shot

‘Twas no way I could lose

He walked into my clever trap

Put his men's heads in the noose.

I rolled a six & yelled, “I got ya good!”

He said. “I hate to disappoint you,

Your squad's of the inexperienced kind

And that machine gun's captured, too

And did you forget that the SSR

Said the ammunition was short?

And I must point out your sustained fire

Will only add to the growing list of your blues…”

Tangled up in rules

He took a burger off the stove,

And offered me a bite

“I see you read Chapter O,” he said

“Your eyes hurt from the tiny type?”

Then he opened his book of rules

And showed me something he’d

Written down in the margins were notes

From 1993

And every one of those notes was true

There were all from an ol’ 

Q & A on the last page of

Avalon Hill’s ASL Annual ‘92

Tangled up in rules

I fought against him in Stalingrad’s streets

In the cellars under the stairs 

There were Ruskis on the attack at night

And starshells in the air

Russians are stealthy for ambush but 

Conscripts aren’t, I realized

He won most all ambush rolls

And lots of my guys died 

When the star shells finally burned out 

His squads had all withdrawn

The only thing I knew how to do

Was to keep on playing on, like in A point 2**

Tangled up in rules

So now I’m really confused again

I got to figure it out somehow

All the rules that I thought I knew

Are eluding me right now

Some CG SSRs

Some in Chapter H

Don’t know where errata’s listed

I don’t know why we chose this campaign 

And me, I’m still scratchin’ my head 

Wondering what’s the point

12 years now we’ve been playing our game

And haven’t even started German, Turn 2

Tangled up in rules

**A.2 ERRORS:  All errors stand once play has progressed past the point of commission.