The ABCs of Bad Movies

Bounty Killer (2013)
Director: Henry Saine
Starring: Matthew Marsden, Kristanna Loken, Christian Pitre
It's the seasonal "Alex and Jeff deep dive into the movie" episode.  Who doesn't love those extra long ones, right?  Alex and Jeff watch a Mad Max "homage."  The boys discuss a potential alternate after the fact.  The Australian accent comes in full force.  Alex does the Jaws monologue.  The boys discuss the legitimacy of the film along with the graphic novel on which it is based.  Jeff slights Alex by mentioning another film that the boys could have watched instead of Bounty Killer.

After Last Season (2009)
Director: Mark Region
Starring: Jason Kulas, Peggy McClellan, Scott Winters

Alex kicks off Season 2 by trying to find exactly what it will take to get Jeff to hate him, and he finds success in this choice.  The boys attempt to comprehend the atrocious sets, lighting, acting, music, "CGI", and plots.  This film sure has it all: MRI machines made of paper, paper signs photo-shopped to have words on them,  news articles printed on printer paper, paper taped to ceilings, paper stuck in exterior house siding, wallpaper wrapped around corners, cardboard boxes containing microchips made of paper.  You may be thinking "is there anything besides paper?"  Yes!  We also get mind reading and general psychic ability, CAD programs of a man with a ball for a face holding a cone, future doctors, a serial killer on the loose, and a even a ghost!  Jeff discusses France.

Alex and Jeff rank the movies they've watched this season.  Alex uses his feelings.  Jeff uses numbers.  They hope against hope that they'll agree on at least one movie.  Will they?  Maybe.

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead (2011)
Director: Noboru Iguchi
Starring: Arisa Nakamura, Maya Sugano, Asana Mamoru

Alex and Jeff close out season 1 with another Japanese experience.  This time, it's a little different.  Alex and Jeff do some bad voices and talk about a short film by the director.  Watch your back, and be wary of doctors who offer you pasta.

Yakuza Apocalypse (2015)
Director: Takashi Miike
Starring: Hayato Ichihara, Riko Narumi, Shô Aoyagi

Jeff finds a gem in this action, horror, comedy from Japan.  Vampires! Gangsters! Demons! Ear milk!  They boys certify Yakuza Apocalypse as an ABCult film; check it out!

X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes (1963)
Director: Roger Corman
Starring: Ray Milland, Diana Van der Vlis, Harold J. Stone

Jeff listens to consistent reminders that AIDS didn't exist in 1963.  A doctor joins a circus after throwing a dummy out of a window.  Jeff provides some space program trivia.  Alex discusses a conspiracy theory about Pitbull.  Jeff insists on a bad ending.

We Are What We Are (2013) 
Director: Jim Mickle 
Starring: Bill Sage, Ambyr Childers, Julia Garner 

Jeff sings several songs.  A horde of guests join as Alex and Jeff wade through the incestuous, cannibalistic bog that is We Are What We Are.  The peanut gallery stay and watch the movie.  Chris, Donny, and some Muppets tag along.

Vehicle 19 (2013)
Director: Mukunda Michael Dewil
Starring: Paul Walker, Naima McLean, Gys de Villiers

Alex and Jeff have their friend, Luis, on the show.  Jeff does some singing.  Luis does some ASMR.  The boys forget about the movie, and they do some space trivia for a while.  Touchy Larry makes his first (and hopefully last) appearance.  The boys find themselves diametrically opposed.

Ultraviolet (2006)
Director: Kurt Wimmer
Starring: Mila Jovovich, Cameron Bright, Nick Chinlund

Relations break down, and Jeff spits on Alex.  Jeff discusses a class he had to take.  The boys watch a very cool murder.  The boys witness a gunkata master at work.

Troll 2 (1990)
Director: Claudio Fragasso
Starring: Michael Paul Stephenson, George Hardy, Margo Prey

Alex and Jeff lose the thread multiple times today.  If you think they're only going to talk about pirates briefly at the start, you are thinking wrong.  Alex loses the thread while editing and leaves everything in.  Have fun!

Surviving the Game (1994)
Director: Ernest R. Dickerson
Starring: Ice-T, Rutger Hauer, Charles S. Dutton

Alex and Jeff witness and ponder whether they would survive the game.  Then, they talk about how they would run the game.  Snakebites make a return.  For the record, Alex would not survive the game.  Jeff wrote a short story once about the game; how coincidental!

The Room (2003)
Director: Tommy Wiseau
Starring: Tommy Wiseau, Juliette Danielle, Greg Sestero

Alex and Jeff are back talking about one of the most famous bad movies ever made.  A tale of love and betrayal is experienced by Jeff for the first time, and it comes with lots of confusion and singing.

Party Monster (2003)
Director: Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato
Starring: Macaulay Culkin, Wilson Cruz, Seth Green

Alex and Jeff provide commentary for Party Monster.

Party Monster (2003)
Director: Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato
Starring: Macaulay Culkin, Wilson Cruz, Seth Green

Alex and Jeff suffer the results of two strong, cheap drinks.  They boys discuss the mechanics of standing while urinating.  Alex proposes a very special guest to Jeff.

Octaman (1971)
Director: Harry Essex
Starring: Pier Angeli, Kerwin Mathews, Jeff Morrow

Alex and Jeff host a guest.  The group discusses day for night and how to incorporate octopus monsters into both the Godzilla universe and the Marvel universe.  Alex defends the ease of Price Is Right rules for guessing games.  The group tries Malort, a wormwood based liquor.

Octaman (1971)
Director: Harry Essex
Starring: Pier Angeli, Kerwin Mathews, Jeff Morrow

Alex and Jeff and special guest Mitch provide commentary for Octaman.

Next (2007)
Director: Lee Tamahori
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Julianne Moore, Jessica Biel

Alex fights to keep Jeff from falling into a sleep deprived delirium.  It does not work.  Jeff sings a lot.

Next (2007)
Director: Lee Tamahori
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Julianne Moore, Jessica Biel

Alex and Jeff provide commentary for Next.  The Peanut Gallery has a small talk after the movie.

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot (2018)
Director: Robert D. Krzykowski
Starring: Sam Elliot, Aiden Turner, Caitlin FitzGerald

Alex and Jeff watch a surprisingly good movie about a man who assassinates Hitler and is later hired to stop Bigfoot from spreading a easily spread disease.  There was no discussion for this movie as it was determined to be too good, so this episode is uncut.

Legion of the Night (1995)
Director: Matt Jaissle
Starring: Time Lovelace, Jeff Rector, Ron Asheton

Alex and Jeff give a two minute synopsis before the Peanut Gallery tries to stop Alex from singing.  Alex burns bridges with the Midwest and argues with Jeff about how many strings are on a bass guitar.  Jeff challenges Alex by asking him to list the top billed characters of Legion of the Night.  Alex forgets the name of the movie.