#54 Building Sexual Confidence and Enhancing Intimacy With Dr. Alison Ash

What does it really mean to be confident in the bedroom? On this episode, we are joined by Dr. Alison Ash, a trained, Trauma-Informed Intimacy Coach, Educator, and Founder of TurnON.love. Dr. Aly helped pioneer research into the orgasm gap and has written books and articles on topics ranging from pleasure in heterosexual dynamics to queer identities and experiences. Join us for an insightful conversation that touches on many different aspects of sexual relationships. From self-discovery and the co-creation process, to dealing with shame and distinguishing it from guilt, our conversation is a deep dive into the fundamental elements of healthy, fulfilling sexual experiences. Dr. Aly demystifies the complex world of intimacy and the factors that all too often stand in its way. Thanks for listening!

 

Key Points From This Episode:

 

•    Introducing Dr. Alison Ash, Intimacy Coach, Educator, and Founder of the website, TurnON.love.

•    Her career journey which began in sociology before she found her true passion in education.

•    The constant process of self-inquiry and self-discovery necessary for fulfilling sexual experiences.

•    What it means to have the confidence to co-create your sexual experiences.

•    How shame can damage our relationship to sex and our bodies.

•    Empathy, reassurance, and normalization.

•    Differentiating between guilt and shame.

•    Three attributes of sex positivity.

•    Components that make up sexual consent.

•    Defining boundaries according to capacity.

•    Tips for affirming a romantic partner.

•    The role of self-deprecation in preventing intimacy.

•    How communication can enhance emotional connection during sex.

•    Tips for creating safety to share with your partner.

•    What lies at the core of any sexual fantasy.

•    Dr. Aly’s work and different options she offers for coaching and workshops.

Quotes:

 

“Society at large is pretty bad at templating healthy intimacy skills, but it is a skill, like any skill, something we can get better at with proper instruction and practice.” [0:02:47]

 

“One of the first things I tell folks is that sexual empowerment comes from knowing yourself.” [0:04:26]

 

“Some of the best sex comes from having a mutual shared orientation towards exploring and not having to have all the answers.” [0:05:39]

 

“So much of feeling confident and sexually liberated, and having fulfilling sex and relationships is about uncovering the things that we feel ashamed about and moving through it.” [0:08:46]

 

“A lot of institutions try to teach through shame. I think it's way less effective and problematic as supposed to holding somebody with love and compassion, but still accountability for mistakes.” [0:13:59]

 

“An affirmation is a compliment on steroids.” [0:21:10]

 

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

TurnOn Love — https://www.turnon.love/

Dr. Alison Ash on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/alisonashphd/

Dr. Alison Ash on Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/dralisonash/

Dr. Alison Ash on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/turnon.love/

Dr. Alison Ash on X — https://twitter.com/turnon_love

Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills Mastercourse — https://www.turnon.love/sexual-and-emotional-intimacy-skills

Sustainable Intimacy — https://www.turnon.love/sustainable-intimacyold

Bad Girls Bible Newsletter — https://badgirlsbible.com/newsletter