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The Great and Secret Knowledge

The Colour of Magic (2008) Part 2 with Dean Eaton

118 min • 24 december 2024

Dean Eaton is back and ready to go! This second half was somewhat less hilarious only because the film itself was less so and we seemed to be sapped of energy because of it. But don't worry! We made it work! As always, we knuckled down and made ourselves presentable because damnit we're professionals and that's just how we do it. End of.

 

Please join our Discord server and get to know the fam! 

https://discord.gg/vtJnpkhd

 

Dean's livestream

 

Omniversal Escapades

 

Jeff's podcasts/livestreams

 

Shattered Worlds RPG

Everything is Awesome with Jeff and ?

Omniversal Escapades (Jeff’s livestreaming RPG show)

James Lark (composer, podcaster) wrote the theme song for the show Licensed for show use, copyright 2024

Here’s James website for all his activities: 

jameslark.co.uk

Possible show titles

 

Daft Cows

A Wizard Did It

Something Said at an Orgy

Tempting Fate

[Jeff: we didn't say this but it struck me funny so I put it here] A Concept of a Planet

Making a Movie is Hard

Recommendations

 

Interior China - Jimmy O Yang

Til Death Do Us Til Blart

Altered Carbon

Omniversal Escapades

Social Media

 

Jeff Richardson

@eljefetacoma on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Instagram, and Mastadon

 

Dean Eaton 

@geekusdean on the various socials\

 

Links

Tupac hologram

Tim Curry quits acting

The Simpsons

Lucy Lawless: "A wizard did it"

The MCU

Shang-Chi: Legend of the Ten Rings

Captain America: Civil War

Spiderman: Far From Home

Creed

Evil Dead

Bruce Campbell

Ronnie Chang

Chloe Bennett

Extended Notes

Atun the turtle knows why he's going near a star

no one else knows

the octavo is taking action, its pedestal is shaped like discworld and tilts to move the turtle

rincewind falls - and doesnt die!

shot of wizards tower why?

 

"did i just leave the world only to fall back on it again?"

 

2:30 "is that me, or is it getting bigger?"

 

protestors mobbing against wizards

 

"wizards out, wizards out!"

 

TC puts on big hat, getting inducted

 

"one small step for a wizard into the unseen, one giant leap for the unseen university"

 

TC is pretty chill about the unrest

 

"i propose that we perform the rite of Ashkente"

 

barbarian soldier types

theyre talking pillaging

one eyed guest whose name is legend explains his secret of longevity

 

"hot water, good dentistry, and soft lavatory paper"

 

big chest has toilet paper he uses to lure the one eyed guy

is he smoking weed?

he has a horse

back at the tower, Ashkente rite takes place

death shows up 

 

"i was at a party, you know"

 

TC asks why the red star is getting bigger

its because the turtle is moving towards it

the octavo needs the eighth spell which is why it turned to grab rincewind

all spells must be said together at solstice or many worlds will die

where is rincewind?

 

"in the forest of skund, rimward of the ramtop mountains, feeling very sorry for himself"

 

death thinks the party will go downhill at midnight

trymon talks to the orangutan librarian

 

"whoever says all the spells when the disc is in danger will gain ultimate power...to save the world. Yes, and that."

 

Trymon tells Horace not to tell anyone else about this secret. He gives H a banana. He says rincewind must not die until they get him back and empty his head

Tourist shows up. RW doesnt want him to haunt him

turns out hes still alive and dangling from a tree

 

"the turtle must have caught us somewhere?" why? who knows

 

where are we? tourist sees a stonehenge

Trymon says get rw alive to save the world

old one eye sees the chest open show the gold and keep moving

2f and rw are seeing nature sscrifice thing

sex and violence usually at the same time

2f sees the cult coming, they hide

old one eye and chest arrive

about the chest:

 

"hes very loyal. if loyaltys what you need in a suitcase"

 

theyre going to sacrifice hottie

2f steps in to disrupt the party

old one eye moves in, grabs rw, demands info

 

"his name is 2f and hes not from these parts"

 

old one eye wants the chest

star is getting bigger

 

"you ever done this sort of thing before? rushed into a temple, killed the priest, got the gold, and saved the girl? not in too many words no. you do it like this."

 

one eye rushes in

rw encourages 2f to go, he rescues hottie instead. shes not that into it. she didnt eff for eight years so she could be with moon goddess and they messed it up

rw gets kncoed out, one eye stabs priest

rw is dreaming, weird visuals he hs a very important task

 

"its not even a flesh wound"

 

girl wont let then rescue her. one eye disagrees

 

"dont just lie there you daft cow, help me up"

 

the seven spells want him to come back and return the eighth. he mustnt let the wrong wizards get his spell

he must bring it back at the solstice. hes mad at them for ruining his life. he will be a real wizard again if he turns over the spell

2f wants to stay for the druid rite but rw tells him the solstice festival is best in Ankh Morpork

 

he wants to see the temple at bel shamharoth. where no one has returned alive

the river snarl runs right past it on our way to the celebrations at ankh morpork

they do their bro handshake

wizards attack, they hide in sacrifical altar

rince and tourist make it to a sacrificial pyre and the wizards are outside telling him theyve come for him

 

RW: "even by wizard standard, trymon is a nasty piece of work"

 

"if that star is an omen, were all going to die. how about the death star?"

 

they roll out action hero style, wizards stormtrooper shoot them until one goes right for rw. 2f takes the shot

back to the protest

trymon dumps some piss on the lead organizer

wizards havent been able to find rincewind

 

one eye kills a guy

rw drags knocked out 2f, props him up

who saved them? cohen the barbarian

hottie is way into it

its him but hes gotten super old

 

hottie: "Bards still sing songs about you. I never get anyroyalties."

 

80 years in the business and what do i have to show for it? 100 recipes for soup

hes bemoaning being too old to get respect

rw has a cough

2f isnt exactly dead, hes just gone

a necromancer

 

"whats neck romance?" "no necromancy is talking to the dead"

 

rw doesnt believe ittarot cards, 1st is the star

four of elephants

ace of turtles

death

 

"is he really dead?"

 

lady makes a sort of medicine. he needs to drink it

rw drinks

he freezes and leaves his body

where am i going?

weird black and white death zone, hourglasses of rw and 2f

rw arrives in driveway of big house

 

he looks for 2f

sees a big pendulum blade

2f is watching it

 

"where are we exactly?"

 

"were sort of informally dead"

 

rw drags him out

death says 

 

"i so seldom have company"

 

"ive never been in deaths door before"

 

they run down the drive

death rides up with a scythe

hottie wakes up rw

2f hugs rincewind for saving his life

 

"the horse people are very suspicious"

 

picture guy paints whats really there, rw didnt like what he saw

back at the wizards, trymon burned a magical chair. he goes over the agenda

rw is item 1

star is item 2

trymon sent a hero to find rincewind

wizards find that ridiculous

 

a heroine named Herrena is coming to grab rincewind

cohen says horse people have decided to give the team mounts and horses to get to the river

rincewind decides to split with cohen

cohen doesnt know how to deal with sincerit

rincewind explains how 2f always focuses on the positive wherever they go

cohen likes his eyes 

 

"they can see for 50 years"

 

cohen agrees to travel with 2f, hottie comes with

 

"in case Cohen needs anything rubbed"

 

star even bigger, 2f asks if theyll be burnt up, rw doesnt know

rw says hottie has taken a shine to cohen

cohen says hes 87

 

2f says "who could possibly attack us now?"

 

Herrena continues to follow

big vistas and generic music

near the troll bone mountains

2f tells cohen about dentures

Herrena knocks out the crew and brings them to a big rock cave

 

2f and rw argue because the ladies ruin rincewinds cunning lie

old troll mountain - really old trolls turn to stone

fire is going to upset him because theyre all standing on his tongue

troll waking up is a real nightmare

rw and 2f are still tied, runningish

 

troll moves in their direction

boys fall down

wait how does sun work if discworld is freely moving through space?

rw tells 2f what he really thinks

the goons are back and have the boys

cut to clamoring peasants outside university

 

destroy false wizards!

the trouble is the archchancellor just isnt a team player

lesser wizards plot to kill the AC

theyll do it all together

they do a trap with a banana component

looks like AC got covered by drywall yogurt

 

he escapes!

then has a growly freakout

they bang a gong to get the ferryman ove

its foggy

ferryman is hooded

 

"youre not the usual ferryman"

 

Herrena orders men to grab Cohen

he pops out and demolishes everyone

Rws fight is so dumb

he gets knocked out twice then bonked by the chest

2f is cheering on the fight

cohen hurts his back

 

Herrena preps to stab

hottie cracks her on the head with a stick

hottie and cohen are getting married

rw thinks its a bit odd

wonders how cohen will have the stamina

 

cohen agrees with the concern, but he thought rw was talking about her

octavo is itchy

AC growls some more

AC is pissed about hero not getting rw

so hes going to consult the octavo

 

"we have gone beyond wisdom"

 

aint that right

hottie is bethann

people are going bugfuck

rw asks why

guy says disc is going to hit the star

the spell speaks thru rw and says the star is life not death

 

cohen gets trolls teeth dentures

Bethan his betrothed

he wants a wedding dress and a steak

rw and 2f come across rubes burning magic books

people decide to slowly advance on rw

AC enters octavo room

 

orders wizards to unlock the chain

rw tries to do magic, but cant

2f hypes him up

guy says all the magics gone

rw does a wind spell that pokes a guy

then rw faints

 

"I have a wizard!"

 

luggage returns and breaks up the mob

wizards get the chain off

AC grabs the book and heads to the great hall, locking the other wizards inside the room

the star has other worlds around it

2f called them spots

rw says no, but doesnt have a name for them, knows theyre things floating around the star

 

he just jacked someones fur off their stand and they didnt even react

they get to the lower cellars

we hear wizards shouting

upstairs AC is climbing up

RW goes to the octavo room door and sees that its the other wizards

the masters of wizardry are in there

 

rincewind tries to open door but the guy says he doesnt have the magic for it

rw tries to prove him wrong

blue magic floats out and turns the lock

door opens

the wizards fill him in

people are screaming so the wizards go to check it out

are demons coming through? guy says no but worse

 

2f runs madly into the tower

he just jacked a guys sword no problem

rw has to follow

 

2f: "this is an adventure, isnt it?"

 

book comes down

octavo is done

2f picks it up

RW takes it and goes up top

he says im not crazy and then talks to himself

 

AC greets him and welcomes him to enter

his eyes are green flames briefly

 

"the 8th spell, give it to me"

 

AC tries to kill Rincewind but the big book blocks the shot

chimp librarian climbs tower

 

"these statues look like wizards. "they are the wizards! there are? they were."

 

2f is looking for sword

rw tries to crush AC with book

then falls down

ac falls on a banana peel and the spell hits him in the mouth, turns him to stone

rw is inside the book

rw is actually hanging off the stone

 

rw drops

cohen grabs him

death is annoyed again

rw returns the spells to the book

isnt all this magic exciting?

 

cohen isnt impressed, he likes stage magic

book floats up and vanishes

suddenly worlds move towards the disc

theyre all new turtles with discs!

theyre itty bitty

 

"thats 2flower, he just appreciates beautiy in his own way"

 

sleepy Atun looks kinda suss

theres a turtle flying up over the sunset

why only 8 and not hundreds like actual turtles

magical octavo drops and lands in the luggage

it wouldnt tell 2flower where it had put it

 

poor Trymon fell over and broke

2flower is going home

rw is upset

 

"you havent really been anywhere until you get back home"

 

Cohen and Bethan got hitched

he stole the dress for her

they go to do their homey shake

rw hugs him instead

it feels like the end of a summer love affair

 

the tourist knows he'll never come this way again

if he goes again he'll go somewhere else

i wish he wasnt so closed off a character

the patrician!

he peers out of his litter, confirms that 2f is leaving, and bows his head

 

the luggage arrives to assist rw

he doesnt want it but eventually caves

Cohen and Bethan wave as the ship floats along the pier

the real ship and dock would be all shouting, instead its all serene

the scientists from the start do a joke and thats it

its all a question of perspective?

 

00:00 -00:00