The Housewives Archives: A Real Housewives Podcast

What do we want for Christmas? Just you! Grab a mince pie and settle in for this one-off festive extravaganza! In the spirit of the season, we get all nostalgic for classic RHONY and discuss Housewives Secret Santa, our perfect Housewives Christmas, and our favorite Bluestone Manor memories. We also petition for Luann to appear in Ellie's next cabaret, we talk our rose and thorn from our recent New York trip, and Ellie recounts her Airbnb eviction story. Plus, we reveal our grand plans for The Housewives Archives in 2023...

Instagram.com/Housewives Archives

In true Housewives Archives style, we came together for a Halloween special that dropped in November... but we're persevering regardless. We're taking a look back at the most recent sensational season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and discussing our favorite moments. We talk a Carlton Gebbia Bravocon, Erika's Aspen meltdown, virtue signaling in Beverly Hills, the Richards sisters, leaking to the press, Kathy Hilton's off-camera tantrum, Lisa Rinna, Crystal and Darkgate, and Erika's seemingly constant (and possibly imaginary!) conveyor belt of dick. Enjoy!

RHOBH Discussion: 14:00ish

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

Nobody asked for it, but we did it anyway. This week, we gather one last time for a season-finale-cum-roundtable-discussion about our beloved Jersey lunatics. We talk our favorite Housewives Archives episodes, impressions, lifestyle porn in New Jersey, making Rosie a Housewife, our favorite RHONJ moments, and Danielle Staub fan fiction...

RHOBH Recap: 10:00ish

RHONJ Discussion: 20:00ish

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

It's the season finale! Sort of. This week, we finish up our deep-dive of Season 12 - and RHONJ as a whole - by talking obstacle courses, Nashville, body-shaming, analogies, Teresa's love bubble, moving houses, the husbands, and Margaret's unspoken but ever-present devotion to Coffee Mate...

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, the name on everybody's lips is Luis Ruelas, aka the new beau of hopeless romantic Teresa Giudice. Is he a con artist, or is he just a harmless Jersey bro with an over-zealous penchant for self help and a vague affinity with cultism? You decide! We talk the video that got everyone's tongues wagging, Jennifer's new nose, Bill's affair, Dolores' relationship with her Old School roots, Traci and Tiki Barber, and the blow-up at the Jersey Shore.

RHOBH Recap: 10:30ish

RHONJ Discussion: 22:00ish

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we take a break from our Jersey deep-dive to discuss the breaking news that is Teresa's wedding: specifically, the sentient mass of hair pieces sitting atop her head. We also recap this week's episode of Beverly Hills, wherein we discuss the problem with Lisa Rinna, her business endeavors, Erika's sexuality, and the treatment of Crystal's eating disorder. Finally, we give our first impressions from the premier episode of Ultimate Girls Trip: Ex-Wives Club!

Teresa's Wedding: 9:00ish

RHOBH Recap: 17:00ish

UGT Recap: 31:00ish

This week, we take a look at Season 11 of New Jersey, and how one little analogy almost led to Jackie's death by cunnilingus! We talk the passing of Teresa and Joe's father, Evan doing stuff at the gym, fighting with Teresa, the Jersey Shore blow-up, Melissa and Joe's marriage woes, Dolores and David, and Teresa's new boyfriend Luis...

RHOBH Recap: 6:30ish

RHONJ Discussion:  18:00ish

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

Danielle's wearing something very expensive, she's soaking wet, Teresa's in her ear, and she just can't help herself... But first, we talk pineapple pizzas on Love Island and the hilarity that is Jamie Lee Curtis flogging wind chimes to Dorit on Beverly Hills. Then, we bid adieu to Danielle - for the second time - as we wrap up our RHONJ Season 10 breakdown. We talk iconic Housewives costumes, that hair pull, the ethics and treatment of violence in reality television, Danielle ratting-out Teresa, Danielle's swan song Reunion performance, and Teresa and Joe's ill-fated Italian reunion...

RHOBH Recap: 8:00ish

RHONJ Discussion: 18:30ish

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

We're back from our mini-break and we've got a lot of catching up to do! We talk the latest Love Island drama and recap Diana v Sutton and Erika's drunken antics on RHOBH before discussing Season 10 of New Jersey. We analyze Jackie Goldschneider, debate the kids birthday party fiasco, talk money and how you spend it, and of course, Danielle's on-again-off-again relationship with Marty.

RHOBH Recap: 16:00ish

RHONJ Discussion: 25:00ish

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we check in on Ekin-Su's latest shenanigans and recap the most recent Beverly Hills before concluding Season 9 of RHONJ! We watch Milania's illustrious singing career, Jackie's article, Old School v. New School, Mexico, sleeping in the pool-house, costume jewelry, and pushing Marty in the pool.

RHOBH Recap: 13:30ish

RHONJ Discussion: 20:30

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, Danielle throws away all her goodwill from last season by transforming into a complete Bridezilla during her ill-fated wedding to Marty, and we're here to cover it all! We discuss the new additions Jackie and Jennifer, the trip to Oklahoma, controlling your husbands, Old School versus New School, the bachelorette party, Bimini, and the dissolution of Margaret's friendship with Danielle.

RHOBH Recap: 8:00ish

RHONJ Discussion: 12:00ish

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week we say goodbye to Siggy Flicker in the most on-brand way possible: by throwing herself down the stairs in a fit of mania! But before that, we talk the latest season of Love Island, recap Beverly Hills, and wrap up Season 8 of RHONJ. We discuss the trip to Milan, Hitler analogies, anti-semitism, Kim D as a madam and possible genocider, and we learn how to spell Posche courtesy of Teresa! 

RHOBH Recap: 12:00ish

RHONJ Discussion: 22:30ish

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we discuss one of the biggest 180s on The Real Housewives as Siggy Flicker well and truly goes off the rails for her second and final season... and it's all because of a certain cake. We talk new housewife Margaret Josephs and her pigtails, the return of Danielle, "Welcome back, scumbag," Ellie's love of Dolores, "Soggy Flicker," the girls' trip to Boca, and a two/three-tier cake getting thrown across the restaurant. Plus, Ellie recounts her recent odyssey to the holy Mecca that is Envy by Melissa Gorga...

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we wrap up season 7 of RHONJ and say goodbye to Jacqueline as she speeds off in an Uber whilst laughing maniacally. We discuss the fallout of the Vermont trip, the Envy Fashion Show, Joe Giudice going "away," Jacqueline losing her voice (both literally and figuratively), and the re-writing of history at the Reunion. Plus, we get an illuminating, if disturbing, insight into the circumstances of Joe Gorga losing his virginity!

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

It's a reboot of a reboot! This week, we briefly touch on the thrilling season premiere of RHOBH before taking an in-depth look at Season 7 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Teresa's freshly out of "camp," Joe's about to go into "camp," Teresa and Jacqueline have made up, then they've fallen out, it's hard to keep up! We talk Melissa's new boutique/money pit, the newbies Siggy and Dolores, Jacqueline and the "crazy ex-girlfriend" trope, cutting Kathy and Rosie out like cancer, and the ill-fated trip to Vermont where a certain ass is threatened to get raged on.

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we welcome back friend of the podcast Macy Nyman to help us dissect the ill-fated RHONJ reboot that is Season Six. We discuss the return of Dina, the twins' shenanigans, the first responders' party, hair-pulling, Amber & Jim, "the cancer," the Kathy & Jacqueline sideshow, fighting like a girl, sleeping with your mother-in-law and, of course, Teresa going to jail...

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

TW: Assault and domestic abuse

This week, we're taking a break from RHONJ to talk Bravo's newest literary venture, "Not All Diamonds and Rosé" by Dave Quinn. The “Paradise Lost” of our times, its undeniably epic in scope and scale. It’s sprawling, it’s ostentatious, it's candid, it’s funny, it's tragic, and it’s a legitimization of our longtime thesis that these shows are truly literary. We talk the origins of The Real Housewives, the importance of Tamra Judge, the Housewives that didn't take part in the book (we're looking at you, Bethenny), and those whose voices leapt off the page. 

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we take a look at Season Five, where the seemingly endless Giudice-Gorga saga is put to bed (for now at least) as we all take a trip to Lake George for some healing group therapy. And a fist fight! We talk retreats, team-building, how Bravo treats physical fighting, apologies, Kim D's protégées: Penny, Jennifer, and Jan, the Arizona trip, Johnny the Greek, and miracle-worker-cum-fembot Dr. V. 

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we're wrapping up the gargantuan Season Four by taking an in-depth look at "Strippergate" and its ensuing fallout at the Reunion. We talk Angelo and his "salon," Kim D's new hairdo, the Posche Fashion Show, the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa, Rosie's Reunion meltdown, and much more. Enjoy!

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

Hello from not-so-sunny LA! This week, we're together in person and we're talking all about Season Four's premier villain, Joe Giudice. We discuss the husbands' confessionals, the fall-out from the Teresa-Jacqueline fight, fambily therapy, Kathy's mother's pizzelles, the Napa Trip, Caroline versus Teresa, that phone call, and the c-word heard around the world...

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, Teresa Giudice is the most famous person in the world and everybody hates her. We talk Teresa's Faustian deal with the devil in exchange for fame, magazine covers, freakin' jealousy, the summer solstice fight, Teresa's love of pictures and cliché, and of course, her epic breakup with Jacqueline.

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we finish off our study of Season 3, and we're thinking about so many things... Among them: rival Thanksgiving dinners, Monica Chacon, the greatest Christmas party of all time, the runs, Kim G's swan song, the Wakiles, Gia and her musical prowess/cry for help, and the longest stretch of Christmas-themed episodes known to man...

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

Danielle may be gone, but her chaotic spirit remains as we kick off a new season of New Jersey appropriately enough with a punch-up at a baby's Christening! We say hello to Melissa and Joe Gorga, we discuss Teresa's slow slide into villainy, her latent sexual desire for her brother, Joe Giudice's seething jealousy, and his Machiavellian attempts to break up the Gorga family. It's all very Shakespearean. And operatic. And Greek tragic, of course.

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week we wrap up Season Two of RHONJ by taking a look at the Posche Fashion Show and its ensuing fall out. We talk 2000s Jersey fashions, Kim D's skunk hair, foreclosure, hair extensions, Danielle's horrific breasts, and the fall of Jersey's number one flip-flopper: Kim G. 

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we discuss the Danielle v. Dina showdown at Chakra, "spicy editing", suit-shopping for Danny, leaked sex tapes, Danielle's quest to reclaim her sexy, Donna, Posche's most gormless sales associate, and Kim G's struggle to climb up a stripper pole.

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives 

It's a brand new season in New Jersey, and Danielle's out for blood. We talk Danielle's game plan going into the new season, stalking the Manzos, Christine's modeling luncheon, Kim G, Danny Proventzano, Hell's Angels, and a charity fundraiser for a baby with cancer. All very uneventful stuff.

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week on the season premiere of "The Housewives Archives," we head back east to say hello to our new batch of Housewives! We discuss RHONJ's humble beginnings, the Season One taglines, the importance of "fambily," Château, Jersey interior décor and, of course, the table flip. Plus, we dissect the biggest storyline of Season One, New Jersey's resident pariah and the little book that haunts her wherever she goes: "Cop Without a Badge."

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, for the world's most tenuous Christmas special, we head to the snow-capped mountains of Salt Lake City for a one-off look at Bravo's newest cohort of beloved psychopaths. We discuss the major misfire that was Season One Jen Shah, we psychoanalyze SLC's resident cult leader, Mary Cosby, we pick apart the mystery that is Meredith Marks' cleavage and the destined failure that is Brooks Marks, and we laud the true unsung hero of RHOSLC and the world's worst manipulator, Lisa Barlow. And of course it wouldn't be Christmas without reliving the infamous Jen Shah arrest in the Beauty Lab + Laser parking lot. God bless us, everyone. 

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

It's bittersweet over here at the Housewives Archives as we reunite for our very first in-person episode - and it also happens to be the season finale! This week, we discuss Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip, Sex and the City, RHOSLC, Ellie's first Thanksgiving, Zarin Fabrics, and our ill-fated trip to the world-famous Regency... Plus, we reveal where we're headed for season three of the Housewives Archives! 

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

Look at her. Look at her fucking life... This week, we cover the demise of Erika Jayne/Girardi as we know it. We talk the beginning of her marriage to Tom Girardi, widows and orphans, Sutton, mascara, remorse, Erika's most recent Reunion performance, and trolling the Instagram trolls. Plus, we predict what the future holds for Erika. Will she bounce back unharmed, or will this be the last we ever see of Erika?

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

She's an enigma wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in cash, wrapped in a Moschino T-shirt dress. This week, we talk sex, fashion, Erika's nasty side, incidental music, daddy issues, singing, "nakedity" and alter egos. Plus, we meet our vocal match when we try to nail down the ever elusive "Erika voice"

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

Oh, you bet we're gonna talk about it... This week, we discuss Lisa Rinna of Depends fame and her old Hollywood friend-turned-nemesis, Denise Richards. We talk owning it, threesomes, wigs, Lois, openness and honesty, out-of-control fashion, the blurred line between truth and fiction, and the suspicious timeline of Brandi's 'surprise' Denise revelation... Plus, we lobby for a remake of 'The Black Swan' starring Lisa Rinna.

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we're taking a walk over the swan bridge and through the glass double doors to visit Lisa Vanderpump in Villa Rosa. We talk Lisa's love of animals, her friendships with Brandi and Kyle, Munchausen's syndrome, Lucy Lucy Apple Juice, Ken, the Reunions, British stoicism, and manipulation. Lots and lots of manipulation...

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, as an early Halloween treat (or trick, depending on your persuasion) we bring you all things Carlton, the resident Wiccan of 90210! We talk pentagrams, bees, early-2000s fashions, black magic, anti-semitism, hexes, and the scariest thing of all... Kyle Richards.

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we conclude our analysis of our favorite train wreck, Kim Richards. We talk Kim's sober years, her wobbles in Paris and at Eileen's Poker Night, her friendship with Brandi Glanville, the Great Amsterdam Fight of 2014, Kingsley the dog, and of course that bunny...

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

People try to figure her out, but she's one of a kind. This week, we have the honor of discussing the truly iconic lover of turtles, Kim Richards. We talk her career as a child star, Big and Little Kathies, Ken the Gay Bull Mastiff, the Hawaii trip, and "You stole my goddam house!" Plus, we attempt to untangle the truly unholy mess that is the toxic relationship between Kim and Kyle. Boom, boom, shebang!!

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

Did you know? It's Game Night! We talk The Housewife & The Hustler, $25,000 sunglasses, Thai-speaking babies, (allegedly) doing crystal meth in the bathroom, and the worst party that we've ever seen on The Real Housewives. So, let's do it. Let's just go. Let's go on a journey together. That's what we're about. Always have been. 

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we take a look at the darkest chapter of Beverly Hills: Taylor Armstrong. We talk her marriage to Russell, Kennedy's extravagant birthday parties, Beaver Creek breakdowns, and the Malibu Beach Party From Hell. Expect some heavy themes that some listeners may find upsetting.

TW: domestic abuse, suicide

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

We've put a couple of extra chairs out at the dinner table this week because we have the special privilege of welcoming theatre royalty and real-life siblings Preston and Macy Nyman to the show! The Nymans give us their Housewives hot takes before we dive into an analysis of the fabled Dinner Party From Hell. As expected, it was complete chaos. We talk bad fashions, gargantuan cocktails, e-cigarettes, the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, and the sheer unadulterated madness of the infamous Allison DuBois. Plus, Preston explains his love of Kim Richards' one-time boyfriend Ken, and his intense hatred of D.D...

Dinner Party From Hell discussion: 24:00ish

Instagram.com/HousewivesArchives

This week, we have the privilege of discussing Beverly Hills' first true villain, Camille Donatacci Grammer. From her disastrous first season to a glorious comeback in the next, Camille has suffered wild changes in circumstance, but her ridiculous essence has always remained a constant. We talk the demise of her marriage to Kelsey Grammer, her passionate womanservant D.D., the palpable sexual tension with Nick, Jesus complexes, hot tubs, and her quite simply not being like other girls.

Instagram @housewivesarchives

Azerbaijan's 40th most popular Film & TV podcast is back by unpopular demand! We catch up and reminisce about all our newfound success since wrapping last season, from minor international infamy to vaguely threatening Cameos from a certain Housewives-Friend-Of. Plus, we reveal which new city will be the subject of Season Two...

Follow us on Instagram @housewivesarchives

This week on our finale episode of Season One, we appropriately end things by taking a look at the New York Reunions. We talk Andy Cohen, fashion hits and misses, breaking the fourth wall, cocaine accusations, and all our favorite Reunion Ramonaisms.

Instagram @HousewivesArchives

¡Hola Chiquitas! This week, we delve into the literal shit show that is the Season 10 group trip to Cartagena, Colombia. We talk Bethenny versus Carole, anaphylaxis, falling down the stairs, Luann versus Dorinda, the boat ride from hell, and rampant diarrhea!

Instagram @HousewivesArchives

It's been a long time coming, but we finally made it. This week, we conclude the epic saga that is the life and times of Countess Luann, as seen through the prism of everything from Greek tragedy to Tennessee Williams. We talk divorce, alcoholism, arrests, and cabaret. Lots and lots and lots of cabaret...

Instagram @HousewivesArchives

This week, it's about Tom. We unpack the genesis of the ill-fated romance between Luann and notorious Upper East Side womanizer, Tom D'Agostino, and all its ensuing chaos. We talk Girl Code, rooming at Sonja's townhouse, the insane Bethenny v Luann Bezerkshires fight, and those incriminating photos at the Regency...

Instagram @HousewivesArchives

The leviathan that is Countess Luann de Lesseps is so monumental that we could not possibly fit her and her pumpkin head into just one measly episode, so we made her a two-parter! In our first installment, we take a look at Luann B.T. (Before Tom) and her many personas therein: the Countess, divorcee, "singer", gay icon, Friend of, and, of course, the Cool Countess. We discuss etiquette, charity, camels, and pirates. C'est bon! C'est bon!

Instagram @HousewivesArchives

Fasten your seatbelts, because this week we take a wild ride on the Ramonacoaster! We talk Ramona's fashion hits and misses, her unfiltered mouth, the Brooklyn Bridge fight, and the tried and tested Ramona Apology. 

Instagram @HousewivesArchives

Get the pinot ready, because it's turtle time! This week, we reminisce about all our favorite drunken moments on RHONY, from the Tequila trip to Tipsy Girl. But before that, we do a bit of close character analysis as we look at alcohol through the prism of its two biggest abusers: Sonja Morgan and Dorinda Medley. Woo-hoo!!

Instagram @HousewivesArchives

We're determined to start 2021 on the wrong foot as we continue our in-depth literary analysis of Kelly Bensimon's oeuvre "I CAN MAKE YOU HOT!" We check in on our respective hotness journeys, we also discuss water consumption, food mistakes, and how to dress hot. Plus, an anecdote about meeting Madonna gives us crucial insight into the origins of Kelly's infamous trigger. Get your notebooks ready because there's plenty more nuggets of lunacy to dissect!

Instagram @HousewivesArchives 

We round off this hot mess of a year appropriately enough by conducting a forensic analysis of Kelly Bensimon's magnum opus, inspired by a Reddit thread. Part cookbook, part health & wellness, and part manic ramblings, this book is a bold, imaginative work for our times and the closest thing humanity will ever have to truly understanding the psyche of the genius that is Kelly Killoren Bensimon. We laughed, we cried (a lot), and we were ultimately none the wiser because of it. 

Instagram @HousewivesArchives

With the dawn of a new era of RHONY, we say hello to Aviva Drescher: a Housewife who gives Kelly Killoren Bensimon a run for her money in the crazy department.  We talk the Season Five revamp, St. Barths, Harry Dubin, Bookgate, and that infamous Leg Toss... 

Follow us on Instagram @HousewivesArchives

This week, we unpick the knotted web that is Jill Zarin and Bethenny Frankel's best-friendship and their subsequent groundbreaking feud. We talk Jill Zarin cosplay, "you need to get a hobby," the phone call argument, and Ramona's intervention.

Instagram @housewivesarchives

This week, we're trapped on the Kelly train, and it has very much left the station. We turn lemonade into lemons and discuss the Brass Monkey fight, Scary Island, and running in traffic before coming to the conclusion that we're just as deranged as she is! All aboard!

Instagram @housewivesarchives

In our first full-length episode, we commemorate the occasion appropriately enough by taking a look at New York's most awkward Housewife: Alex McCord. Simon, "Wearable Art", Johann and François, modeling, hives; it's all here!

Instagram @housewivesarchives

In this prefatory episode, we introduce ourselves as a couple of Real Housewives savants. We reminisce over our student days watching vintage Bravo, talk taglines, our favorite city, and how our unhealthy obsession with the Real Housewives has turned us into a couple of social pariahs.

Follow us on Instagram @housewivesarchives