#199 Esther Perel: Cultivating Desire

Few episodes in The Knowledge Project’s nine-year history have impacted people’s relationships and lives more than when Esther Perel shared her infinite wisdom for the first time in 2019.

Shane and Esther discuss how the stories you tell yourself shape how you see the world (and what to do about that), the important conversations to have at the beginning of a relationship, the most common arguments couples have and how to prevent them, what to say to a partner if the relationship isn’t working out, the relationship between desire, love, and pleasure, and so much more. Plus, the conversation starts out on an interesting note: Esther Perel shares stories about her parents surviving the Holocaust and how their experiences shaped her childhood and continue to shape her life today.

(This episode is a replay of one of our most popular episodes ever and was recorded in 2019.)

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Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro
(02:38) Coming back to life after the war
(08:09) The myth of stability
(11:30) The power of reflections
(19:48) Important conversations for early relationships
(24:20) Can values change in relationships?
(27:20) Being secure in a relationship
(30:40) Better conversations with your partner
(33:00) What's behind every criticism
(36:52) Too much honesty
(39:37) What happens if I don't love my partner
(47:12) Why does good sex fade in relationships?
(50:59) Love vs. desire
(55:38) How to have difficult conversations with your partner
(01:05:13) Conscious uncoupling

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