The Psychology of Secrets || Michael Slepian

Today we welcome Michael Slepian to the podcast. Michael is the Sanford C. Bernstein & Co. Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University. A recipient of the Rising Star Award from the Association for Psychological Science, he is the leading expert on the psychology of secrets. He’s authored more than fifty articles on secrecy, truth, and deception. Michael’s research has been covered by The New York Times, The Atlantic, NPR, BBC, The Wall Street Journal and more. He is the author of The Secret Life of Secrets. 

In this episode, I talk to Michael Slepian about the psychology of secrets. Everyone has secrets that they keep from others—how does this affect our relationships and well-being? According to Michael, maintaining privacy is not the most burdensome aspect. Carrying a secret all by ourselves is what weighs us down. Michael and I explore the different categories of secrets and we talk about when to reveal the deepest parts of ourselves and who to reveal them to. We also touch on the topics of personality, morality, trauma, developmental psychology and communication. 

Website: michaelslepian.com

Twitter: @michaelslepian

Topics

02:04 Michael’s family secret

05:38 Defining secrecy

11:12 Correlation of personality with secret keeping

13:01 Revealing secrets

18:56 Categories of secrets

24:31 Healthy communication with children

29:50 Morality of secret keeping

34:20 Jamie Kunz and Dale Coventry's secret

36:27 Journaling and emotional support

40:25 Three dimensions of secrets

44:09 How to deflect direct questions

46:05 Sharing secrets anonymously

47:46 Secret joys

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