Regarding your extensive self-examination.

It is known that my father-in-law would say one is not allowed to speak Lashon Hara about oneself. While Beis Shammai says to praise the kallah as she is, the ruling follows Beis Hillel, who says to describe her as 'pleasant and gracious.' https://www.torahrecordings.com/rebbe/igroskodesh/011/012/3795