These Are Bad Movies

It's 4th of July weekend and what a time to be an American! All this military hasn't been able to defend our freedoms after all, but the Top Gun franchise sure would like you to think that all is well and good guys are just out there doing good guy stuff (whatever that means).

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We noticed some odd activity in our podcast metrics the other day. It looks like an oddly large number of people just outside of Washington D.C. decided to comb through our back catalog. So this episode is dedicated to the FBI! We discuss the 2004 movie Mind Hunters with LL Cool J and Christian Slater. Maybe this movie will be a little nostalgic for our new friends!

Roger Ebert and Amy both give this movie "thumbs up," but Amanda has different feelings. Join us for all the glory of the oddly lovable (at least to Amy) disaster film "Knowing." Sure it's filled to the brim with fundamentalist ideology, but it's just so darn fun.

Terminator is an iconic movie that really is fun to watch. It also attempts to give a warning about the dangers of certain technology developments. It could have been a good movie. It should be a good movie. But for some reason a bunch of fools must have gotten really mixed up on the message here. Why are so many people still trying to build Skynet?

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These Are Bad Movies is proud to celebrate our 69th (nice) episode! We are celebrating with a classic sex comedy from the creators of South Park, Orgazmo. Sex really is low hanging fruit for comedy writing, and sure, it can be funny, but sometimes the joke is pointed in the wrong direction.

So the United State Supreme Court has determined (or will shortly) that women aren't wholly people. Cool.... Cool cool. Our society has been debating this subject for decades, and most of the "supportive" discourse is absolute garbage that seems to agree with the idea that women are at least some different type of person who needs special rules. Enter "The Cider House Rules," a movie adapted from acclaimed author John Irving. A sweet sensitive story about a man's very, very important opinions on abortion. It's got all the clichés, a woman who dies, and woman who is raped, and a women who will never get to have kids again after having an abortion. Amy is in an absolute rage over this one.

Amanda and Amy set out to break down conspiracy theories while enjoying the classic brainwashing film, The Manchurian Candidate. It turns out that sometimes the truth sounds like a conspiracy theory, but there are some tell tell signs that the government wrongdoing you are imagining is actually giving the government way more credit than it deserves. Other times.... Well the government does some messed up stuff.

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It's Tornado season and Amy has a yearly ritual of watching Twister. It's not a good movie, and storm season isn't exactly a good thing either, but you know what's worse? Climate change.

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CONTENT WARNING: This episode deals with sensitive subject matter including rape and HIV. Plus we are a bunch of jerks so it might not be presented in the best way. That being said.... wow, this is a bad movie, but it fits right in with the overly moralized narrative around sex that was front and center in the 90's. Why do we treat kids like this?!

Confessions of A Shopaholic is a quirky rom com with plenty of sight gags and an outrageous plotline. These brave storytellers were able to imagine what it would be like if a rich and a poor fell in love! Our plucky heroine is a poor who is living beyond her means (in exactly the way a rich would imagine an irresponsible poor behaving) who falls in love with a rich, who is struggling to make a name for himself (with a little help from some ultra rich mentors, a seemingly endless supply of startup money, and his family name). You're sure to get swept up in this fairy tale romance!

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After the drama at the 2022 Oscars, Amy wants to talk chivalry, and The Last Duel delivers on the bull*meow*. Why do men feel the need to get violent in defense of their women? And is it a good thing? Most importantly, we discuss why chivalry likely doesn't apply to you.

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We wrap up Crime Month with our favorite heist movie, Inside Man. Conan Neutron of Protonic Reversal and Movie Night Extravaganza joins us to discuss what really makes a crime a crime, and why do we love to root for a criminal. Amanda reveals that she has fallen in love with crime this month, while Amy and Conan try to hold her back.

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Attachments area

Crime Month just wouldn't be complete without The Godfather! We dive deep into America's fascination with the mafia with guest Forrest Miller. As a bonus we dive into the odd world of Italian discrimination and racial slurs. Be warned, we do openly discuss Italian slurs.

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Robert Pattinson Batman is out and it did not disappoint! It was a decidedly strange Batman with a complex plot and a wide array of classic characters. What is it about the masked vigilante that delights us so much? Do we want to be Batman? Or do we just like watching him work? This week is all about the Batcrimes!

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In our first episode of Crime Month we take on the most iconic of the spaghetti westerns. I guess you could call every episode of These Are Bad Movies "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly," but this week we take on the real deal. With beautiful cinematography, stand out performances from the actors, and praiseworthy attention to detail, this can hardly be called a bad movie. Instead we take aim at the cowboy outlaw trope and what it says about our culture today. We are joined by Chuck from Red Leg Revolution in our deep analysis and our outright shenanigans. Listen out for the bonus musical tribute to spaghetti westerns!
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This week's episode on Little Women is preparation for our upcoming episode on the new Batman movie. Really. That's why Amy picked this. We take a look at this classic tween romance and the Batman it produced.

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This week we subject Amanda to her first ever Kevin Smith movie. She came with an open mind but left less than impressed. Meanwhile, Amy regresses into full 90's kid problematic behavior. Love it or hate it, Dogma is a unique piece of cinema that you almost have to see to believe, but still....Don't Watch This At Home.

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This is it! The Mormon Cinema Episode! "But this is Napoleon Dynamite," you say. Yes. Like we said, Mormon Cinema. Have a listen and find out how.

The magical world of Harry Potter has played a large roll in our childhoods. It's the only reason Amanda knows how to read! We were all let down by the behavior of the author, but had we been paying attention, her behavior should not have come as a surprise. It turns out the movies were loaded with offensive stereotypes and right wing style oppression fantasy. The signs were always there, we just didn't know how to read them.

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Interview with the Vampire is a classic vampire movie based on a series of books by Anne Rice. It stars big name actors like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Antonio Banderas, Kirsten Dunst, and Christian Slater. It's also super horny, but in a weird way. Amy knows a lot about Anne Rice's literary career, and Amanda thinks this movie makes Twilight look respectable. Either way you look at it, Anne Rice changed the landscape of vampires, smut, and vampire smut. 

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Buckle in folks. This one is wild! Who is this movie for? Why does it do.... whatever it is it is doing? Take a listen to our delight at this video game movie classic, and be prepared to take sides on the great question: Which shower scene is the hottest?

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever he's contractually able to do under a web of IP negotiations! But seriously, it was fun to see all the various Spider-Mans come together in a nostalgic romp. What could it have been though? And why are we still acting like these are good stories for children?

We have been looking forward to this movie all year! And we have split reviews. Amy did not enjoy the movie, but Amanda did. One thing we both agree on.... this was a bad movie.

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This week we're treating you to an encore of one of our favorite episodes - The Matrix. It may be one of Amy's more controversial takes, and Amanda is not pleased to have her childhood attacked yet again. Give it a listen and get ready for next week when we cover the new Matrix movie!

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Amanda got taken to task for her love of Josie and the Pussycats, now it's Amy's turn. For one reason or another *cough* Benicio Del Toro *cough cough* Amy saw this movie in theaters an unreasonable number of times. It's full of crime, cuteness, and Christopher Walken.

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The year was 1979, Alien was first released in theatres, and Ridley Scott was still relevant. This week we take a look at the classic sci-fi masterpiece and how it depicts unions, foreigners, rape, and reproduction. It's a fun watch, but it's still a bad movie, and it's only gotten worse with time.

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You may have heard that House of Gucci has gotten "mixed" reviews, so let's break it down for you. Almost everything is wrong about this movie, except Lady Gaga, she killed it. That's the mix! Amanda breaks nearly burst a blood vessel with rage over the Italian representation, and our guest Lucas laments that movies just don't speak to his reality anymore. Somebody stop Ridley Scott before he hurts himself!

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Duh, Duh! Duh, Duh! Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh! It's Jaws! We know the shark is supposed to be the villain, but really the shark has nothing on unreasonable standards of masculinity. 

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Such Top. Much Gun. Who wouldn't want to enlist in the Navy after this movie? The U.S. Government spent a lot of time and money on this Hollywood blockbuster in the hopes that recruitment would go up, and it did. What was this movie really teaching us, and who is the elusive Wolfman?

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Have you ever heard of a "Bad Masterpiece?" A "Basterpiece" if you will. Find out what makes There Will Be Blood a truly wonderful, yet bad movie. Spoiler alert, it's capitalism.

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As spooky month comes to a close, we take a look at the classic political suspense thriller, The Purge. This movie sure has a lot to say.... about... something. Despite its glaring flaws, this is actually a pretty fun movie to watch, at least we had fun watching it. We may get a little silly, but hey, so does this movie.

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This week we are joined by Movie Night Extravaganza for a slasher film podcast mash-up. We debate the merits of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and, spoiler alert, it's a bad movie! Seriously, this movie was truly ground breaking in so many ways, including some damaging tropes and stereotypes. Take a listen and tell us how you feel about this horror classic.

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It's iconic, it's creepy, it's got problems! The Shining, and its director Stanley Kubrick, has made its way to classic status, but it wasn't always well received, and is this film really worth all the suffering it caused those who made it? This week we take on Auteur Theory with one of film history's most notorious "Auteurs."

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These Are Bad Movies Spooktacular October continues with The Blair Witch Project. Other than the complete lack of character development, inattention to plot details, and obnoxious camera work, this movie was a lot of fun. Of course, the good parts of this movie are actually the worst. We're pretty sure this movie owes money back to everyone who ever paid to see it.

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These Are Bad Movies kicks off a month of horror with the classic Alfred Hitchcock film, Psycho. We admit, we kind of love Hitchcock movies, but there are some glaring problems with his work, not the least of which was the man himself.

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This week we take a look at the dirty underbelly (and fabulous makeup) of televangelism! Are these grifters actually worth our sympathy? We bring recurring guest Sharon Lockhart on to discuss The Eyes of Tammy Faye.

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In this episode we take on the "Citizen Cane of Bad Movies," but is it really that bad? Yes, yes it is. Amy believes that it's still a better movie than The Joker though. Forrest Miller from Movie Night Extravaganza joins us for a conversation that none of us really expected to have.

Our live stream of this episode can be found at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aisV0mwO9Lg.

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How many good movies are there about eugenics? Well... we hate to say it, but at least one. 1997's sci-fi drama, Gattica, is a beautiful and thoughtful piece that is still relevant today. But it still has it's issues. Guest R.C. (Charlie) Roberts returns to "abuse the listener" with us.

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Here's a deep cut for you all! Wrong Cops is a movie with almost everything you never wanted in a movie. A 40-year-old Marilyn Manson playing a teenage boy, racism, ableism, cops selling drugs hidden in the bodies of rats... Despite this, the movie was kind of funny. We go deep with this one and talk about cancel culture too!

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Sometimes a movie surprises us and is MUCH worse than we expected. Snake Eyes is one of those movies. We disliked almost everything about this movie, except the textiles, they were lovely.

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Oh come on! This is a great movie! This episode is going too far! Amanda and Amy burst our bubble with Free Guy, one of the most fun movies at the box office this year. And in case you missed it, check out Amy and Amanda on Movie Night Extravaganza: https://youtu.be/smeFXh5jc-I.

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DC is back in the box office, and is it any surprise it's with a bad movie? Ok, maybe it was a little fun, and there were some good fights, but other than that... TERRIBLE.

This week, our new friend Charlie guest stars to talk about his favorite movie - The Edge. And with Anthony Hopkins snuggles and bear fights, what's not to love?

Good news! If you love Nicolas Cage, then this is also a movie he is in. That might be the only good thing to say about the Hollywood production of Left Behind. If you love virtue signaling and plot holes, this may be the movie for you! Take a listen to find out why this whole franchise should be left behind.

Amanda takes aim at one of the most beloved movies of all time, and Amy isn't having any of it. Who walks away the winner of this epic battle? Or is it possible that they are both right?

Michael Bay movies really are low hanging fruit. As much as we do love a good movie explosion, they are not a replacement for plot, and big name actors will not cover up for poor character development. Yet it may be the underlying message of this box office hit that is the most disturbing - experts are incompetent.

There have been arguments for decades about Fritz Lang's 1927 classic Metropolis, and whether it is a Nazi story. Some people say it's not, but those people are wrong. This movie is Nazi trash!

In this episode Amy and Amanda breakdown the latest installment in the Conjuring franchise - The Devil Made Me Do It.

OK, so this movie is fun, what's the harm in that?

Amanda and Amy move closer to ruining everyone's childhood with this week's episode. Who doesn't love the Ninja Turtles? Michael Bay apparently.

This. Is. Nothing. Like. Spartaaaaaa.

This week we take a bit of a deep dive into an often forgotten, yet surprisingly star-studded, film from the director of Donnie Darko. Southland Tales is an objectively bad movie - no joke - yet it is oddly charming. Not good, but charming. 

EXPLICIT CONTENT - NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNG AUDIENCES - OR PROBABLY ANY AUDIENCE

This episode we do a deep dive into pure freedom with America's second favorite Constitutional Amendment. Listener beware, we really bring the freedom to this bad movie.

What's one of the most defining video game franchises of the Millennial generation? Da DA da DA da DA da DA da MORTAL KOMBAT! 2021 has brought us all what we didn't realize we needed, a reboot of this beloved kill fest from our childhoods. Nothing bad about that. Right?

Amy gets the opportunity to ruin another one of Amanda's favorite movies! What makes this a bad movie? Listen and find out.

Is anyone else tired of all the live action Disney movies? It's getting a little out of hand, and the Jungle Book is a prime example. Disney managed to turn a beloved (yet still bad) children's movie into a star-studded extravaganza of terrible. And OH THE COLONIALISM!

We know, we're rebels, we can't help it. There is just so much to cover with this one! Hyper-masculinity, capitalism, gardens, and Louisa May Alcott! We cover it all in this deep dive into what might be one of the best bad movies ever made.

Monster smash! Monster fight! Monster! Monster! Monster!

How does the new Godzilla vs. Kong stack up? Is there enough monster? Too much possibly? Is there a point to this movie, and more importantly, should there be?

With a star-studded cast and a plotline from a beloved children's novel, Ella Enchanted should have had some redeeming qualities, but alas. Mostly this movie just made us want to watch other movies and tv shows that we like better. Oh well, I guess we still have to talk about Ella Enchanted a little bit.

Ooooh here we go. It's time for Fifty Shades of Grey. We have a lot to say about this movie, and not all of it is bad....ok some of it is really bad. We are joined by guests Blanch and Blanch for some extra raunchy bad movie banter. Listeners be warned this episode may make the more timid listeners blush.

It's time for *best Sean Connery voice* Bond, James Bond. Amanda and Amy have on special guest Sharon Lockhart to discuss Live And Let Die. This episode may have gone off the rails, but what do you expect from a Bond movie?

Either you hate to love it or you love to hate it, but it's hard to miss the impact of Twilight. Either way, the movie has PROBLEMS. Amanda and Amy take a walk down memory lane to trash on this beloved teen drama.

It may be called "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo," but let's be real, it's about Daniel Craig's character. A word of caution if you aren't aware, this movie depicts rape, frequently and badly. We will be discussing portrayals of rape and the use of rape to drive the female protagonist's story arc. Despite all of this, Amy still likes it for some reason. Amanda really enjoys the opportunity to shame Amy for her poor life choices.

For our final instalment of white savior month, we are watching The Help. This. Movie. Is. A. Mess. Of course, the Academy LOVED it. If this movie doesn't convince you to stop letting white people tell black stories, I don't know what will.

Freedom Writers.... I guess it's kind of a good movie? This week we evaluate a truly classic story of white saviorism, one where the white teacher saves an entire class of inner city youth. 

Ugh.... Driving Miss Daisy is so full of racist tropes, but for some reason it won best picture. The Academy sure likes movies designed to make white people feel better about race. White Savior Movies Month continues with more reasons we need Black History Month.

We are celebrating Black History Month bad movie style! This month is going to be all about the White Savior Flick, and let us tell you, it's going to be bad. This week kicks things off with The Blind Side, need we say more? Yes actually, we say a lot more. Listen to the podcast!

It's High Fidelity! Amy actually likes this movie, but Amanda DOES NOT. We have Amy's husband on again to talk about this movie from the perspective of working at a record store and being married to a lawyer!

What's the highest grossing rated R movie of all time? Joker? Seriously? Why?

Sure, this movie is a classic, but what can we say? We don't like it! A special guest appearance by Amy's husband makes for entertaining dialogue as he attempts to defend his favorite movie. We also find out that Amanda is banned from the zoo.

We know it's kind of played out to make fun of M. Knight Shyamalan, but Amy really thought she was going to like this movie! Alas, Mr. Shyamalan worked hard to earn his reputation, who are we to dispute it.

Amanda and Amy take on Before I Fall, a teen movie that tackles some heavy topics..... really badly. Our teens deserve better!

You know you have been waiting for this all week! Amanda and Amy break down this weeks hottest "film," the KFC made for TV movie, A Recipe For Seduction. Did any of you think this was going to be good? We didn't! Maybe we were pleasantly surprised, maybe Amy thinks its time for the revolution. Listen and find out.

Join Amanda and Amy as they try (and fail) to get in the holiday spirit. This episode is all about Love Actually. Why is this movie considered a holiday classic? Why would a woman like this movie? And why did they even bother releasing this movie in the first place?! We may never know!!!

Amanda and Amy talk Josie and the Pussycats. It's Amanda's favorite movie though, so this podcast and their friendship may end after one episode.