TPP 321: Chris Balme on How Parents Can Navigate the Tricky Middle School Years

Middle school might not feel like a very enchanting time in our lives — it definitely didn’t feel that way for me when I was living through it. But according to my guest Chris Balme, middle school is a time of great magic and opportunity for our kids, and for us as parents, if we know what we’re looking for. 

In our conversation, Chris explains the three stages of identity development a child goes through in middle school, how we as parents will want to adapt our parenting styles change as our kids reach these stages, and how to navigate our child breaking our trust. We also talked about what individuation is and what it means to become a better companion for our kids, which is a reframe I really love.

Chris Balme is an education leader and writer, passionate about helping young people discover more of their human potential. As Co-Founder and Head of School at Millennium School, a lab school in San Francisco, Chris helped pioneer new learning methods for middle schoolers, based in developmental science. Chris then founded Argonaut, an online program to bring social-emotional learning to more students. He now serves as the Founding Principal of Hakuba International School in Japan, developing learning approaches that foster human and environmental well-being.

 Things you'll learn from this episode

• Why Chris believes the middle school years are magical
• What the three stages of identity development for middle school students are how kids may progress through them
• What individuation is and how to navigate it with your children
• Advice for parents regarding scaffolding in a way that supports their child’s development
• How to navigate a child breaking our trust
• What companioning is and how to do that for our kids

 Resources mentioned

• Chris Balme’s website
• Finding the Magic in Middle School: Tapping Into the Power and Potential of the Middle School Years by Chris Balme
• Chris’s Growing Wiser newsletter (Substack)
• Not Much, Just Chillin’: The Hidden Lives of Middle Schoolers by Linda Perlstein
• Maria Montessori 
• Anders Ronnau on How He’s Transforming ADHD (Tilt Parenting podcast)
• Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud on How to Motivate Kids and Build Their Stress Tolerance (Tilt Parenting podcast) 
• The Self-Driven Child with Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson (Tilt Parenting podcast)

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