Unchurchable

She married "the one God sent." Like so many of us, she did so without knowing fully what she was getting into. When the relationship became abusive, she sought help inside the church but what she found was advice tantamount to entrapping her in what she calls "church sanctioned domestic abuse. Sadly, Tia Levings story is unlikely to be the only one of its kind, but unlike so many others, Tia found the courage to get herself and her five kids out of that situation. Years on, she is thriving - in love, in life, and in parenthood beyond religious trauma and domestic abuse. Its a story of hope and Tia's gentle wisdom covers could indeed be life-saving. There is life after, and it is so worth pursuing.

Now, I'm sure that's not a title you expected to read on a podcast for people who are navigating life post-church and deconstructing their faith. But can I point something out? Deconstruction is hard work. And it's not even like you get to choose whether or not to deconstruct. It seems to choose you! So finding the humour in the journey is vital to maintaining your place on the happy wagon while you also deal with grief, existential questions and all the overthinking that comes with deconstructing faith or making your way towards something like a new lens through which to view life, the universe and other things. 

A friend of mine once told me that "the humour is part of the healing." And I'm 100% there with her on that. When I found Angry Church Kid on the gram, I loved her humour. Now that I've interviewed her, I love her fearlessness, her irreverence and her understanding of what it is to deconstruct out of church but not land quite at atheism. Enjoy this sweary, dick-jokey session!

In Sunday school, kids learn about the golden calf - the moment the Hebrews banded behind Moses' brother Aaron and made a god of their own to worship while their leader was up on the mountain. It was the perhaps the first time in recorded history, but certainly not the last time that we would make a god in our own image. Today, in Evangelical churches across the world, we cherry pick and reinterpret scripture to make Jesus fit our needs. These incarnations, according to Marc-Henri Sandoz Paradella, are the Toxic Jesus's we need to remove from our lives if we are going to move from "holy shit" to spiritual healing. I loved this interview and the humble wisdom of the man who wrote the book. Enjoy! 

What do you do when you move away from a form of spirituality that came with a prepackaged set of rules, regulations and existential dread? For many if not most, you feel a little lost at sea. Anchorless. So how do you find purpose and the freedom to explore spirituality within healthy boundaries that don't trample on who you are as a person? I caught up with the musical, the magical, the free-spirited musician / boss lady that is Alphamama to talk about her journey into being, well, Alphamama. 

In this session, Jess Hugenberg and I talk about two topics that could not be more important as we walk through recovery from all the things that 2020 brought us: spiritual bypassing, spiritual integrity, and the importance of churches being trauma informed. It's important for a number of reasons. 2020 saw many things revealed; political upheaval, church abuse scandals, continued scandals in Hollywood as a result of the Me Too movement, the pandemic which saw many of us face escalations in our personal lives or our mental health. In line with this, it is not only unhelpful but it should be unacceptable for churches to sweep such things under the rug with thought-terminating cliches like "just forgive" or "have faith in God and don't be bitter." We need to be trauma informed. And we need people like Jess who can walk us through how to do better. Enjoy this session! 

I've always been of the belief that the best relationships were the ones where partners are able to see and celebrate the evolution that occurs over the lifetime of their spouse. It takes grace, commitment, self-awareness, consideration, selflessness and no one embodies this better than Nia and Katie. Their's is a relationship that started as high school sweethearts, and travelled through churchianity, deconstruction, and one partner coming out as transgender. This is a story that will inspire you to realise that while life isn't always simple, love causes us to go to great heights and great depths for the ones we love. And that is brilliant and beautiful. 

Brit Herbert's journey with Christianity started in a rather unique manner, and as a youngster she was quickly plunged into a world of missions work in countries as far flung from Louisiana USA as Russia. It's a powerful story of recognising the good in the bad and the bad in the good, of grappling with our role in spiritual colonialism, deconstructing, finding your feet, and being part of birthing the "Do Better Church" movement. It's a fascinating ride through the thrills and damage of Evangelical egocentricity in an episode that could otherwise be called "The adventures of Brit and Kit." 

Sometimes a guest comes along with such an impressive CV that you really have to get her to cover off on two different topics. Dr Anica is that lady. A proud woman of colour, daughter of immigrants, clinical psychologist and general badass, she is the pioneer behind the "Race Positive" program which aims to bring a strengths-based approach to a topic often loaded with deficit language. In life post BLM, its important to keep talking about systemic racism until we can dismantle it! But the reason I found her was another topic altogether, when a listener asked me how I handle my PTSD. It wasn't something I've talked about much, but perhaps I should. Because normalising trauma responses and their treatment matters. And so do you! Thanks for tuning in.

I've long watched on as Jonathan Merritt has penned noteworthy books, and written a swath of articles that have helped me understand and grapple with the big issues in Christianity as I deconstructed from conservative faith to something markedly more progressive and affirming. Yet as I lost faith in the institution we call "church", his work has challenged me that it may yet have something to offer society. It is this idea, along with commentary on the incredibly vast array of historical moments 2020 has served up, that we explore on this episode of unchurchable. Enjoy!

I met Sanny on the great connector called Instagram. I instantly knew we had a lot in common, but also that hers was a perspective on the phenomenon of deconstruction that would be quite different to mine as well. And thus, I knew I wanted to interview her. You see, deconstruction can lead us to question our faith and interaction with church, but it is as individual as we are. The moment we think there is one way to deconstruct, we miss the nuanced and complex ways in which it affects each of us. Sanny brings wit, wisdom, strength and intelligence to this conversation and I just loved hearing what she had to say. Enjoy!

Growing up inside evangelicalism, its likely you knew what "Train up a child in the way he should go" meant. It was clear how parenting should be done. We already knew all the answers - God's way or the highway. Enter deconstruction, and all the things once taken for granted about how we would raise our kids went out the window. Todays guest is a pastor, author and a mother who has been through deconstruction so she knows this territory. Abby Norman sheds some light on how to parent, and how to "person" post deconstruction.

When Tim Fall mentioned that he had some availability for podcast interviews, I was pretty darn quick to put my hand up and say "pick me!" His is a fair, reasonable voice in an often polarised and adversarial world. It stands to reason, then that the man is a judge! What ensued was a conversation about the validity of Judea-Christian claims on ethics, equality in church, and how a Christian should respond when those above us don't act in ways that are ethical or befitting of a Christian. Tune in! Its one you won't want to miss.

When Phil Drysdale first started speaking at churches on the topic of deconstruction, it didn't take him long to realise it was happening in epidemic proportions. Years on, he has devoted his professional life to supporting the people who started pulling at the thread of doctrine and institutional Christianity and ended up holding a ball of twine but finding themselves with nothing to stand on. So what is deconstruction, what does the research say about it, and how do you survive it? Its all on todays session (along with some interesting stuff on the fear of hell!)

Cait West grew up inside a form of Christian patriarchy that many wouldn't have even heard of - the stay-at-home-daughter movement. This form of conservative Christianity protected male headship to the point where courtships were quite strict and women were meant to serve men in the home. Her deconstruction into a more empowered version of faith and femininity involved leaving behind that movement. Now she is a University graduate, a writer taking on big topics, and has a job in publishing - proof that self-empowerment is possible even when the stakes are high.

Trauma recovery is difficult enough when it is a single issue. But when you layer complex trauma with purity culture, religious pressure, murder, suicide, Klinefelter syndrome (also known as being Intersex), you have a potential recipe for disaster. Zach Cave is now a therapist, and has waded his way through difficult waters. His wisdom and discoveries on the journey to recovery make for a surprisingly calming and hopeful podcast episode. I hope you enjoy it.

Many of us have grown up in a Christian tradition with many good things about it: activities, study groups, upbeat worship, active prayer traditions are more. But the downside to this is that, when we deconstruct our faith or find ourselves unable to engage with church, there can be a feeling of distance from God. Enter contemplative spirituality. Not only is it the antithesis of activities-based faith, but it includes simple ways we can set up our days to pour from a full emotional and spiritual cup rather than an empty or exhausted one. 

Contains adult content:

Arguably, one of the most memorable movements of the 1990's or 2000's was the purity movement. Marked by songs like DC Talk's "I Don't Want It" and Rebecca St. James' "Wait for me," and of course Joshua Harris's book (now pulled from circulation) "I kissed dating goodbye." But how did this movement contribute to body shame and the ongoing experience of sexual desire for those who grew up in it? That is a story still unfolding, and the topic of today's episode.

When I read the term "Purity Culture Dropout" on Erica Smith's instagram page - I knew I had to talk to her, because frankly, this isn't a topic I'm comfortable with. And it should be. I'm in my thirties now! Purity culture was a significant movement during my formative years as it was for people all over the world. That, combined with all too common "abstinence only" sex education left a lot of people with gaps. Gaps in knowledge about their bodies, about consent, about what is and isn't "normal" and how to navigate their way through the psychological gifts that keep on giving - those of shame related to sex and sexuality. Erica Smith is fabulous, and knowledgeable, and its an important session today. 

RATED M Ya'll! 

A chat with Kevin Garcia is always insightful, fun, challenging (in a good way) and a bit mind-bending. This session is no different. The original intent was to have Kevin stop by and talk about their new book "Bad Theology Kills" - and perhaps there is no better time in history to have this book-baby out there in the world. But in true Kevin style, we couldn't help but extend the conversion far beyond that - deconstruction, spellcraft, sex, sexuality, civil rights revolutions and the power of red lipstick. Curious? Give it a listen.

No episode of this podcast has had as wide-reaching topic material within it as this one. We talk about cults, toxic groups, the Black Lives Matter movement, dominions, toxic evangelicalism, sexuality, trauma recovery, and the reclaiming of your core identity and autonomy after religious trauma. Obviously, there are a few trigger warnings built into this episode, but its truly an unmissable one as so much of it pertains to the big issues of 2020! Be safe. Be well. Be empowered to reclaim your spirituality and self-expression.

Tonya Nash, the pioneer behind the Autism Faith Network, takes us on an insightful journey through the challenges faced by families and churches when it comes to making church a beautiful experience for families and carers of people with autism or other disabilities. She offers up some simple guidance that can so beautifully enrich the experience of these amazing people, and help us treat them with the dignity and inclusion they deserve.

As large portions of the population sit on lockdown, awaiting the decline of coronavirus, many of us sit alone with our thoughts, dreams, relationships and lives. It might be a time for asking "Is the living I'm living congruent with who I am on the inside?" and indeed for reflecting on whether or not our jobs, economies, or personal lives can bounce back. Lance Pyburn from Brave New Love joins me this week to talk about resilience, authenticity and finding our value on the inside.

Leaving a church is a big deal. Leaving a religion & choosing to explore spirituality on your own terms is an even bigger one. Carrie Maya has carved out an empowered spiritual practice that aligns with her values rather than dictating them. She is wise & intuitive, and honest about the times when life it isn't all rosy. What she has to say about working with the shadows in our lives, the archetype of Christ & releasing the fear of hell is a breath of fresh air. 

Church should be the safest place in the world. It should be a place of safety and refuge for all who want to follow Jesus. Yet the data paints a bleak picture for LGBTQIA+ (especially questioning) people of faith. Nathan Despott and the Brave Network have been working to change this. In this weeks episode, Nathan spoke to me about Queer theology, the harm done when a church is "welcoming but not affirming", and what we need to do to make church a safe place for all. 

CW: suicide

For this weeks pod, I interviewed the fabulous Gretchen Baskerville, author of "the Life Saving Divorce." Gretchen has been working with people in the divorce recovery space for the past 20 years. Tune in for a well-needed discussion on breaking down the unhelpful narratives around divorce, empowering people to maintain their right to and engagement with faith and church post relationship breakdown, and realising that bringing hope is everyone's ministry.

If you grew up Evangelical in the 1990's or 2000's, then the news right now might be triggering flashbacks of End-Times Doctrine: the four horses of the apocalypse, famine, pestilence, war, the anti-Christ, the Great Tribulation and the Rapture. I caught up with Shari Smith, faith and coffee blogger and Christian feminist, to talk about whether the book of Revelation is prophetic or reflective, fact or fiction, and how to deal with the anxiety that comes with traumatic theology.