Pearl Jam Sucks

First of all, none of you are prepared for how many of your friends are secret Pearl Jam fans. Go look up this band's sales figures. You think it's just everyone you've never met buying copies of these albums? Wake up, people! Not only is Pearl Jam's music terrible, they are parasitic masterminds of commerce! The war with TicketMaster was just a smokescreen! All will be revealed...

P.S. Anyone else think it's weird how Eddie Vedder sang about "goin' hungry" even though he was clearly eating mashed potatoes while recording half his vocal parts on Pearl Jam albums?