100 avsnitt • Längd: 15 min • Månadsvis
This podcast is for parents who not only want to short-term tips for handling current kids’ behaviors and moods, but who are exhausted from addressing the same situation over and over and want to find solutions that last much longer into the future.
Because you will receive plans and step-by-step tools, it’s also for parents who crave feeling in control — and who do much better with structure than the chaos traditionally associated with parenting.
The podcast Your Parenting Long Game is created by Rachel Bailey. The podcast and the artwork on this page are embedded on this page using the public podcast feed (RSS).
It's natural to want to do a “good job” as a parent. We want to be attentive, be calm when our kids are having a difficult time, teach them all the skills they need to know in life…and it's easy to be really hard on ourselves when we don't do all of those things well. The good news is, our kids don’t need parents who never make mistakes -- they actually need us to be imperfect!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why it’s hard for us to accept that our imperfections make us better parents
Four reasons we MUST be imperfect to raise great kids
What we should spend our energy on, instead of trying to be good at everything
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Summary and examples from this episode Transcript for this episode
If you are raising a child or children with big emotions, you probably deal with a lot of drama throughout the day: anxiety, resistance, disrespect…maybe even your child speaking negatively about themselves. The good news? There are a lot of strategies that can help. The bad news? There are a lot of strategies that can help. And often because there are a lot of these strategies that can help, you may feel so exhausted and run down that you don’t know which strategies to try first or what your next step should be.
This episode includes:
What keeps us feeling stuck and unable to move past our overwhelm
The first step we need to take to get unstuck -- and why it doesn’t take any extra energy!
How one simple shift can help us find more lightness inside and more peace in our homes
JOIN THE “DAILY LIFT” (+ WEEKLY “GET UNSTUCK” CONVERSATION) FOR $1 Transcript for this episode
If you are raising children with big emotions, you are probably used to their big reactions when they are tired, hungry, or overstimulated. But sometimes children have big reactions even when there is no obvious reason, leaving us feeling confused and like we have to walk on eggshells around them.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What is going on when our kids act overly irritated or annoyed but it isn’t clear why
How to recognize what I call “energy mismatches” (with examples)
What we can do to help our kids have fewer big reactions -- and more confidence and healthy self-esteem
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We know how important it is to be a powerful positive influence with our children. But becoming one sounds daunting at times -- especially with everything else we have to juggle on a daily basis. The good news is, we can increase our influence easily, just by adding two little words to our vocabulary!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What a “powerful positive influence” is, and what happens when you are one
Two qualities every powerful positive influence has
Two “magic” words that show our kids we care, we are consistent, and we can handle their big emotions
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Children with big emotions often struggle with transitions: Getting out of the house in the morning, stopping what they’re doing to go to the dinner table or to get ready for bed. They may even resist leaving the house when they have something fun to do, like a birthday party! When nothing seems to motivate them, we can feel confused and frustrated. Fortunately, there is something that we can do to help our children with transitions, and it’s easier than you might think.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why transitions are difficult for our children (it’s not just that they don’t feel like going to the next thing)
Why traditional strategies like logic and rewards don’t work for children with big emotions
Two things we can do to make transitions easier for our kids (and us!), with real-life examples
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FREE LIVE Parenting "Power Hour"
When our children react strongly to disappointment or frustration, we often feel like we need to cater to their needs or give in to keep the peace. And then we worry that our child’s big emotions will keep them from learning how to handle the inevitable challenges they’ll face in life! Fortunately, even children with big feelings can learn to handle obstacles effectively.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why feeling strongly is strength -- and why it’s important we don’t teach our children to hide their emotions
Why we don’t have to cater to our children to prevent hard feelings…and how to empower them instead
A Long Game Parenting strategy that helps kids and parents learn how to respect negative emotions without being controlled by them (with several practical examples)
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FREE LIVE Parenting "Power Hour"
You likely want to motivate better behavior and maintain a strong, positive relationship with your children. But there is something that you may be doing frequently that will reduce your influence and harm your relationship… and it happens any time your child isn’t behaving or feeling the way you want them to. (How often does that happen?!)
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Scientific reasons why we communicate in this harmful way (so you know how to stop it)
How our tone and body language impacts our children and leads to bigger reactions in kids with big emotions
One simple shift in perspective can help you build influence and strengthen your relationship in every interaction – with your children and with anyone else
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FREE LIVE Parenting "Power Hour"
FREE RESOURCE: Summary of this episode
It can be frustrating when our children won’t do what they’re supposed to do: brush their teeth, finish their homework, or complete a chore that we’ve been asking them to finish. While it’s common for kids with big emotions to resist things that feel boring or uncomfortable, it can be exhausting for parents to find “just the right thing” to motivate them to move forward. The good news is, understanding one thing about resistance can reduce it tremendously.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why kids with big emotions are so likely to resist doing boring or uncomfortable things (what’s going on in their brain)
How to recognize this type of response
How to get kids on board with reducing the resistance
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FREE RESOURCE: Summary of this episode
You crave a peaceful home, but peace can be hard to come by when raising children with big emotions. Our kids are quick to react disproportionately to situations, and it’s easy to get sucked into their drama. How can we make sure that we are in control of our homes rather than everyone’s reactions?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The science behind big reactions (and why we have more control that we think)
How to break the cycle of Yuck that keeps us stuck
A Leadership Parenting strategy called “Expect and Plan” that ensures we are in charge of our homes, not everyone’s reactions
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Show Notes:
We might want to handle the daily stressors of life with calmness and respect, but often it doesn’t work that way. (At least not for me!) Listen as I describe a situation I handled pretty poorly as a parent – and the strategies I used to get myself out of a cycle of guilt.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to feel our feelings without being controlled by Yuck
A simple and effective Leadership Parenting strategy to address mistakes
Questions to ask YOURSELF when you do something you regret
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Free live "Power Hour" event: How to Boost Confidence in Children with Big Emotions
FREE RESOURCE: Summary of this episode
https://rachel-bailey.com/332https://rachel-bailey.com/332Show Notes:
When we are raising children with big emotions, it can be frustrating watching them struggle when things don’t come easily. Even when we encourage them and remind them that they can do hard things, they may continue to complain or resist, leaving us wondering: Should we push them, or should we give in? Fortunately, there is a simple way to make this decision… and a way to help them handle discomfort when a push is appropriate.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why children with big emotions often avoid doing hard things
How to decide when to push them do hard things and when it doesn’t make sense to push
How we can help deal with their discomfort so they can become the best version of themselves
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Show Notes:
While some kids with big emotions blame others, others are incredibly hard on themselves. And it can be devastating to hear them beat themselves up when they make a mistake! Often when they do, our instinct is to tell them it will be okay, that it’s not a big deal, that everyone makes mistakes. But as you’ve probably noticed, that doesn’t make them stop this behavior in the long run, and it can even make them feel worse in the moment. The good news is that we can use Leadership Parenting strategies to help our children – and ourselves! – handle these situations more effectively.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why previous attempts to help our kids calm down haven’t worked -- and often make things worse instead
Qualities that many children with big emotions have in common (and why it feels like they regularly get stuck in cycles of negativity)
How to stay regulated and help kids get unstuck so they can learn how to handle their mistakes in the moment… and build resilience for the future
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Free resource: Summary of Episode 331
Most parents who are raising kids with big emotions would say that our kids’ reactions – their reactions when they don’t get their way, or when they have to do something they don’t want to do, etc. – tend to be very big and very difficult to manage. Often, we feel like their reactions control our homes because they impact our daily routines, our other children, and even the decisions we make. But it is possible to regain control of your home so that it doesn’t seem like those emotions or reactions are in charge! Specific step-by-step strategies, called Leadership Parenting strategies, can help you make that happen.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What Leadership Parenting strategies are and why they’re so powerful
Two actionable leadership parenting strategies that allow us and our children to respect emotions without being controlled by them
Benefits of using leadership parenting strategies with our kids
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FREE RESOURCE: Leadership Parenting Strategies
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions Learn more about the Leadership Parenting Academy and Leadership Parenting Success Lab
Having a joyful and connected holiday season can be challenging when we are raising kids with big emotions. We are so busy and our children are overstimulated, full of sugar and out of their regular routines. If we aren’t proactive, we can become overwhelmed, exhausted, and resentful. The good news is, a simple process (that just takes a few minutes) can reduce holiday Yuck and increase our parenting influence, giving us more energy to enjoy the season.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to work with our children to solve problems, rather than working against them
A simple process that addresses our kids’ negative behavior, moods, and attitudes in the moment
How to use this same process to teach them the skills they need for the next time they have big feelings
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FREE RESOURCE: Work WITH your child using the 4Ps
https://rachel-bailey.com/?p=88635Holidays can be hard for kids with big emotions. From staying up late to being out of regular routines to being overstimulated, this season can leave us all feeling exhausted and stressed. In this bonus episode, I share a plan for holiday stress that doesn’t take a lot of time... and almost always leads to success!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why taking 5-10 minutes now will save you hours later
The steps in this process, with an example of each
How this plan ensures that you will feel more in control this holiday season
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FREE RESOURCE: Plan for Success with the 4Ps (and examples)
Show Notes:
It can be hard to know what to say to a child with big emotions when they're struggling. And while it’s important not to pressure yourself to say the “right thing” all the time, one small change (that you can make immediately) will almost always make things better in those situations.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why one word (that most of us use all the time) almost always upsets children with big emotions
The alternative word that can make a positive difference in negative situations
How this shift improves our influence in the moment and strengthens our children’s self-esteem in the long run
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FREE RESOURCE: Reminder of “but” to “because” strategy + examples
Many kids with big emotions lack confidence, and that can be heartbreaking to see. While building children’s confidence doesn’t happen overnight, one simple action can help. Even better, this same action can also strengthen your relationship and takes less than a minute to use!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The simple strategy to strengthen your child’s confidence and your relationship
How we can incorporate this strategy into our daily lives
Why this strategy might not work for anxious or sensitive kids (and why that’s a good thing!)
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FREE RESOURCE: List of "Emotional Needs Accounts" + ideas for deposits
Apply to Rachel's "Beyond Behavior Blueprint" program
It’s very common as we’re raising kids with big emotions to walk on eggshells, fearing the moment we might “set them off.” But it is possible to learn to diffuse dramatic situations more easily so that we can handle them instead of dreading them.
In this episode, you’ll learn, through the “sink metaphor”:
Why it’s absolutely in our power to make situations better instead of worse
What our kids really need so that they (and we) don’t get stuck in the drama
What our responses are like from our children’s perspective
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Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/327-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
Many children with big emotions crave consistency, but how can we be consistent when life gets in the way? There are so many things to juggle as a parent -- extracurriculars, homework, schedule changes, work trips, family visits -- and we’re tired. The good news is that there’s an alternative to consistency that is much easier to achieve as a busy parent (and it has all the same benefits!).
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to reduce the pressure on yourself and still meet your kids’ needs
The difference between predictability and consistency
What it feels like to be on the receiving end of this strategy
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Your personalized next step: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/204
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/326-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
There is nothing worse than feeling helpless as a parent, and it’s easy to feel powerless or out of control when our kids won’t listen to what we have to say. Often when we feel powerless, we end up trying to control our children more… which only reduces our influence! Fortunately, there is a simple strategy that can help you improve the impact of your words so your children can actually hear the lessons you’re trying to teach them.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why most people dig their heels in when people try to change them
How to give our kids with big emotions what they need to be able to hear us
A simple strategy to increase our influence that requires us to spend less energy, not more
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Your personalized next step: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/202
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/325-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
Often when we ask our kids with big emotions to do things they have to do, instead of doing what we ask, they resist, negotiate, or even become disrespectful to us (or themselves!). And when we feel helpless and stuck, we often then fall back on strategies that our parents used with us… which tends to make things worse. So how can we motivate responsible and respectful behavior when our attempts seem to just lead to more drama?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Two reasons why rewards and punishments don’t work for kids with big emotions
Common reasons why children struggle (and how we can identify these reasons when our kids are having a hard time)
How to go beneath kids’ behavior to motivate more positive behaviors, moods, and attitudes with less resistance
One of the defining qualities of children with "big emotions" is that they have a hard time when things don't go their way. But explaining to them why they need to be more flexible doesn't seem to work, and it only frustrates them and us more! The good news is that we can help our children handle frustration and disappointment when we shift from telling children WHY they need to be more flexible to teaching them HOW to be more flexible.
In this episode, you'll learn:
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Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/323-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
We want our children to feel respected, and we know that it’s important to connect with them and validate their feelings. But when they’ve behaved in an unacceptable way, it’s easy to wonder if, when you’re connecting with them, you’re letting them “get away” with negative behavior.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why our influence does depend on being able to balance both validation and firmness
A simple formula (with examples!) to show our kids that we sincerely care about what they’re going through without condoning negative behavior
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Summary of this episode with examples:
https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/199Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/322-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
Changes and new situations – especially a new school year! – can create a lot of worry for our kids with big emotions. But no matter what the change is, or what their worries are, we can empower children to handle hard things.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Simple steps to help kids get ready for a new school year (or any other situation that they’re nervous about)
How to make it less likely that they’ll worry about changes and transitions
How to help them feel more in control of situations that they are anxious about
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/198
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/321-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
Many children with big emotions can seem spoiled or entitled at times -- like they expect to get everything they want, all of the time. And even though it can be tempting to give in for the sake of family peace, there are better ways to help our children in these situations… so they can learn how to handle not getting their way in the future.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why kids with big emotions seem to always want more, more, more
What we can ask ourselves to know if we’re giving our children what they truly need (or just want they want)
One thing all parents can give their kids so they don’t keep asking for more
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/197
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/320-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
Despite the fact that they experience emotions very intensely, it’s very common for children who feel strongly to NOT want to talk about their emotions. But in order to address negative behavior, moods, and attitudes, we need to have these conversations!
The good news is that using specific phrases will allow us to improve our influence with our children so they are open to hearing us, rather than trying to avoid us.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The real reasons why our children tend to avoid talking about their emotions
How to start conversations with our kids (without triggering their resistance)
How we can help our kids handle their discomfort more effectively and maturely
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/196
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/319-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
We ask our children to do things all the time, and (of course) we assume that they know how to do what we ask. Why wouldn’t they? In reality, a lot of negative behavior stems from skills that children are missing – which means they actually don’t know how to do what we ask. In order to improve our influence and their resilience, all we need to do is teach them a few strategies for success.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What actually stops children from doing what we want them to do
How one simple shift can decrease our frustration and our exhaustion
What it’s like to be a child who wants to do better… but can’t
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/195
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/318-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
It can be exhausting to parent children with big emotions -- especially when it feels like our efforts to improve behavior, moods, and attitudes take longer than we would like. Even if we understand (in our minds) that it takes time for our kids to learn how to deal with their discomfort and develop new skills, that doesn’t always make us stop wishing they would feel and act better more quickly!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why wanting things to go more quickly actually slows things down
One question we can ask ourselves to change our perspective and our attitude (so progress does happen faster)
The key to less frustration if children do take time to change
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Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/194
Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/317-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
One of the most common reasons for big emotions in our homes is related to asking our children to get off of their devices. And let's be real: They DO have to learn to get off of their devices without acting like it's the end of the world! But most of the time, we attempt to make this happen makes things worse, not better. When we get into our children’s world, we can often understand why our attempts aren’t effective – and what we can do instead.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What it’s like from a child’s perspective to have to get off of screens
Why his parents’ (very logical) attempts to address his behavior don’t work
How getting into your child’s shoes can help bring peace to your home
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Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/316-transcript/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
This time of year, navigating the use of screens can be a real challenge -- especially when you’re raising children with big emotions. The summer can start off feeling more relaxed, but then come the power struggles over how long children can be on screens and the meltdowns when they have to get off of their devices. Fortunately, a few simple changes can reduce the drama, even during those times when children are even more likely to turn to screens as entertainment.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why kids with big emotions struggle with screen time limits
How to increase your influence to reduce screen time drama
How to give your kids the skills THEY need to get off of screens more easily (helping them deal with transitions and boredom!)
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FREE 1:1 CONVERSATION: Want to talk to Rachel about what's causing YOUR screen time drama? Send an email to [email protected] with the word "Screens" in the subject line!
Free summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/193
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
Of course we want our children to listen to us when we ask them to do what they’re supposed to do or when we ask them to act maturely in situations that don’t go their way.
But often when we try to get our kids to listen to us, we do it in ways that actually decrease our influence. This is especially true when we try to get our children to see why we are right and they are wrong.
Of course it’s not that we shouldn’t try to motivate better behavior! Rather, we can just do it in more effective ways.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why telling children what they’ve done wrong doesn’t lead to them doing what’s right
Exactly how to approach your child to increase your influence
Why this non-permissive strategy not only increases your influence, but strengthens your relationship
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FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call
Free summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/192
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
As parents, we want to be able to influence our children. And we can feel helpless and out of control when we try to help our kids feel or act better… and we can’t make it happen.
One of the most common ways that we “leak” influence happens on a day-to-day basis in the way we ask our kids to do things and in the way we respond to their requests.
Once you become aware of this leak, you can make a simple change and increase your influence immediately!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why some of our our requests and our responses immediately put our kids into fight-or-flight (and make them more resistant to us)
An example that illustrates what this is like for your child that you will be able to relate to
Simple strategies to increase your influence and improve your relationship with your child
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FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/191
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
As parents, we want to be able to motivate our kids to act more responsible and handle situations more effectively. And we can feel helpless and out of control when we aren’t able to make that happen.
Unfortunately, we will feel helpless and out of control because we often (unknowingly) “leak” influence by the way we think about and respond to situations. One of the most common influence leaks happens when we set unrealistic expectations and aren't even aware that we're doing that.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How setting realistic expectations increases our influence with our children
A simple question that will help you set expectations and handle previously-difficult situations more effectively
The benefits (for us and our kids!) when we plug influence leaks
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FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/190
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
We want to be able to influence our kids. We want them to listen to us, and we want to be able to calm them down so they can work through situations with less drama. So it can be challenging when our attempts to influence them don't work… or even make things worse! In this second episode of a two-part series, we’ll discuss what's needed to become a powerful positive influence with your children so you can bring more peace to your home, even if that seems impossible now.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The type of influence we usually have with our children – and why it doesn’t motivate better behavior, moods, and attitudes
The two qualities that you need if you want your children to listen more readily and calm down more easily
What it looks like when you do improve your influence (even if your children don’t realize it’s happened)
--- FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/189
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/rachel
Most of us crave more calm in our homes. But what do we do when there is drama on an almost-daily basis and nothing we try makes a difference in our child’s behavior? Is it possible to reduce the drama and feel more confident in our parenting without damaging our relationship with our children? The good news is you can bring more peace to your family while increasing your children’s resilience and self-esteem.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why our current parenting strategies don’t change behavior, moods, or attitudes
The differences between Band Aid Parenting and Long Game Parenting
What our kids really need from us when they’re struggling (and the long-term benefits of meeting their needs rather than addressing negative behavior with punishments and rewards)
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/188
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
It’s natural to want our kids’ negative behaviors, moods, and behaviors to stop. But what happens when nothing we do seems to end the drama? How can we break out of the cycles of negativity?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why “quick fix” methods don’t help our kids feel better (and often make things worse)
Why Yuck Dumps are NOT the same as wallowing, and how these Dumps actually build resilience
Simple ways to help children release their negativity and frustration
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/187
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
Live "make your plan" sessions: https://rachel-bailey.com/training/
We know it’s better to stay calm when our children have big feelings, but it seems like some days, we can only hold on for so long when they are complaining, crying, or melting down. How can we help our kids handle their discomfort when their behavior triggers our own Yuck?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why we need to set realistic expectations for our children
What it looks like when we’re using willpower to stay calm (and why willpower never seems to last long enough)
How to shift from artificial calm to genuine emotional regulation
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/186
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
"Make Your Long Game Plan" live sessions: https://rachel-bailey.com/training/
Most of us have an idea of how we'd like to interact with our kids. But often when we're tired or frustrated, we don't react in a way that feels good. And when situations with our kids frequently spiral out of control, it’s natural to feel like we are failing at parenting!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Tips that will help any time you feel like a failure
One mindset shift that can reduce guilt immediately
How simple steps we take can positively impact our kids
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/185
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
We talk a lot about BIG reactions when our kids have big feelings, but what about quiet, sensitive children who struggle when other people around them are upset? Often these children will do anything they can in order to make others feel better. To keep the peace, they will also disregard their own needs – even when we encourage them to stand up for themselves!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why many parenting strategies don’t work with our sensitive children (and may even make things worse)
How to help our kids deal with discomfort -- without hurting their self-esteem
How we can help "sensitive" children become confident, resilient kids who know how to advocate for themselves in difficult situations
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/184
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
When we’re raising kids with big feelings, it can be hard to stay emotionally regulated all of the time. How can we be the parent we want to be when it’s hard not to lose our cool? How can we teach our kids how to stay calm when we’re struggling with staying calm ourselves?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why we get stuck in a “cycle of Yuck” (and feel guilty and ashamed)
How your ability to regulate yourself impacts your influence with your child
A simple tool you can use in the moment to get unstuck - even when your children are complaining or melting down
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/183
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
We want our days to be filled with peace and connection, but those of us raising kids with big emotions know that’s not always the reality. Even when we try hard to fix the arguing, complaining, and general resistance to our requests, it can feel like nothing reduces the drama long-term -- and sometimes, it seems like our efforts are actually making things worse.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why some of your current parenting strategies may not be working, despite your best efforts
The real reasons behind seemingly-unbreakable cycles -- and what to do about it!
The lifelong benefits (for us and our kids) of breaking negative cycles for good
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/182
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
It can be overwhelming navigating the constantly-changing emotions and reactions of children who feel things strongly. One minute they’re happy and the next, they are melting down about something that’s not even a big deal! We want to reduce the drama and be a powerful positive influence with our kids, but how do we do that when we don’t really understand what’s driving their reactions?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What to check first when kids have unpredictable behavior
How to “see” inside our children’s brains, so we can approach them with compassion instead of judgment
The benefits of changing our perspective when kids have confusing reactions
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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/181
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Even when you try to make deposits with your children, sometimes you run into obstacles. You may feel particularly stuck if your child resists the attempts you are trying to make to connect with them! When that happens, using micro-deposits can help you get unstuck and shift things back to a more positive direction.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to address common obstacles to making deposits
Why children with big emotions pull away or push back when we’re trying to spend time with them
Easy-to-implement “micro” deposits -- simple actions that don’t take much time but have a BIG impact on your relationship
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Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence
Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/180
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Because our children struggle with challenging situations and feelings, we want to give them what they need to be resilient. But if we’re being honest, sometimes it's easier in the moment to give them what they WANT instead of what they NEED to be able to handle the obstacles they will inevitably face in life.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to know whether we’re meeting our kids’ wants or needs -- and when we need to make a change!
What our children actually need from us to become more resilient
The easiest way to meet our kids’ emotional needs (with examples!) for stronger self-esteem and healthier relationships
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Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Today we are celebrating our 300th episode with a more personal episode as I respond to listener-submitted questions. If you’ve ever wanted to learn a little more than the parenting tips I share, you’ll be able to do that now!
In this episode, you’ll hear:
What I was like as a child - including the worst thing I ever did!
How and why I started a business helping parents
Some quotes that inspire me, both as a parent and as a person
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Free video series for parents raising children with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
Coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
When our children are having big emotions or behaviors, it’s natural to want those big feelings and behaviors to stop so that there is more fighting, no more disrespectful attitudes, no more drama. Unfortunately, there’s one problem: We can’t control how our kids feel or how they behave. And when we try, we just make the situation worse (and we feel worse).
Fortunately, there is an alternative that leads to a better outcome – AND doesn’t require us to give in to them.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why our need to control others leaves us exhausted
How to address big feelings without trying to change other people
A simple shift that will reduce resentment and lead to more peace and influence with our children
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Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence
Coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Why do some kids listen more to one parent than another? Why do some kids seem to calm down more quickly around one parent than another? Often the difference is that one parent is a powerful positive influence, while the other isn’t. The good news is that any parent can learn to be a powerful positive influence.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What we need to give our kids if we want to be more influential
How becoming a Powerful Positive Influence can motivate better behavior and healthier self-esteem -- without yelling, punishing, or shaming
Two necessary qualities that will help you become a Powerful Positive Influence with your children
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Apply to join the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program: https://forms.gle/JTfYQfUXWeg5cpmR8 Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence
Coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Many people confuse “respectful parenting” with permissive parenting, thinking that respectful parents give into the whims of their children to make them feel good.
But caving to our kids’ feelings and reactions is not respectful…to them or to us. Believe it or not, firm boundaries are a hallmark of respect-based parenting. And firm boundaries are what our children with big emotions really need.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What firm parenting boundaries look like
Reasons why setting limits can be uncomfortable for us (and how to deal with the discomfort)
How to respond to our children’s big emotions respectfully
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Sometimes people assume that because I teach parenting strategies for a living, I’m always parenting the way I want to. I actually think that assumption is dangerous, so I wanted to offer just a few of my parenting regrets... some of which you may be able to relate to!
In this episode, I’ll share:
Some of my personal parenting fails
How I handle those fails – sometimes “successfully,” sometimes not
What I do when I recognize that I’m not parenting the way I want to
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Even when you listen to so many tips and parenting strategies available, it can be difficult to find those that actually work with kids with big emotions. And when nothing we try seems to make a difference, it’s easy to feel helpless. But it is possible to identify what our children need in order to feel and act better.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why our definition of “what works” doesn't always work!
What our kids need more than rewards or punishments
Two things our children must have in order to do the things that we want them to do
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
There is almost nothing more upsetting than when a child acts disrespectful. And of course when our kids talk back, roll their eyes at us, or ignore us…we don’t always respond effectively. How can we learn to understand children’s disrespect so that we can give them the coping skills they need to act more maturely?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Two simple reasons children are often disrespectful to their parents, even when they know they shouldn't be
How to respond in the moment to behavior that is rude or dismissive
How to increase your influence so your child NATURALLY respects you
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
You have an idea in your mind of what you “should” be doing as a parent. But how often do you feel like you’re falling short of your own expectations? So many of us feel guilty on a regular basis, and it can be exhausting. But there is something you can do to reduce your guilt (and get some energy back!).
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What happens when we let go of parenting guilt
One question we can ask ourselves to turn our guilt into confidence
How to create a simple plan that will empower you to parent from your values so you feel less bad about what you’ve done (or not done)
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Dealing with children’s lies can be very upsetting. When we know that they’re not telling the truth, we may feel disrespected and helpless and worry about how this behavior will impact our child (and our connection) in the future. How can we stop the lying once and for all – without harming our relationship?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The real reasons our kids tend to lie
The strategies that don’t stop lying behavior (and why!)
The mindset shift we need to make in order to influence our kids to stop lying
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
We love our children with big emotions, but sometimes our love isn’t enough to build their confidence, especially when their strong feelings confuse them so much.
As a child I had trouble believing in myself, and I’d like to share my experience with you – and why your children are likely better off than I was!
In this episode, you’ll hear:
What I learned as a child with big emotions
Two hard-to-hear things our children with big emotions often believe about themselves
How Long Game Parenting strategies help our kids become more resilient and capable
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
We know that consistency is really important for our children with big emotions. But sometimes it feels like we spend all of our time enforcing limits – at the expense of our relationship! How can we teach our kids to do the things they need to do without feeling helpless or like we’ll have to nag forever?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to outsmart kids’ “avoider brain”
How to find and address the real reasons for resistance
How to get to the point where you can nag less so you can spend more enjoyable time with your children
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Raising a child with big emotions can feel like a roller coaster some days. One moment they might be yelling at you to go away… and the next moment they’re angry that you did what they asked. What do we do when our child does something that seems illogical and nothing we do is helping?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What’s underneath kids’ seemingly-illogical behavior
How to understand what’s going on inside our kids before addressing their (outer) behavior
How to make a plan for handling your child’s big -- and sometimes illogical -- reactions in the future. (And it’s easier than you think!)
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
If you have a child who tends to have big emotions or reactions, you’ve probably tried many different things to reduce the drama in that moment. But you may not have found much success, so you’re dealing with the drama over and over (or you’re walking on eggshells to prevent their big reaction!).
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why it’s so hard to shift things in the moment once a child is reactive
What to focus on as your child is having a big emotion so that the situation goes more smoothly
Two simple ideas to regulate ourselves when our kids are melting down
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
You probably know from experience that the stronger our relationship with our kids, the more smoothly things go. But these days, when everyone is so busy, it can be challenging to find enough time to strengthen our relationships.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why a strong connection does make a positive difference in their behavior, moods, and attitudes
A way to stop feeling guilty about how little time (or energy) you have to spend with them
Quick ideas for small “deposits” that have a big impact
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with pediatric sleep consultant Bonnie Dimmick!
Listen as I ask Bonnie 3 questions: 1. For families with toddlers, preschoolers or young kids that aren't sleeping independently, is it too late to help them learn? 2. How can I get my kids to stop stalling so much and all their curtain calls at bedtime? 3. All of a sudden my great sleeper refuses to fall asleep without me in the room and is waking up at night, what should I do?
Listen as Bonnie asks me 3 questions: 1. How do you deal best with periods where a child has a very strong parental preference? 2. What are your best tips for handling kids who hate making mistakes and it feels like logic and modeling aren't working? 3. How do you get kids to practice hard things or try something new without bribery or how do you recommend handling this?
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FREE RESOURCES Rachel's free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Rachel's Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Rachel's Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Many of us have tried to teach our kids healthy coping strategies, but often they don’t use those strategies in the moment when they’re upset. And then we feel helpless when nothing we say or do seems to help them calm down!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
An important reason that your child might not be using coping strategies
What our kids need us to do in the moment when they’re in Yuck
How we foster resilience and strengthen our relationship by giving our children what they need
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
When our kids have big feelings -- and even BIGGER reactions -- it can be a challenge to avoid getting sucked in. The good news is that even if they are being dramatic, complaining about little things, arguing with a sibling, or simply shutting down, it is possible to stay out of their Yuck and avoid making situations worse.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What happens to our adult brains when our kids are stuck in Yuck
Two steps we can take to parent from our values rather than reacting in a way we regret
How simple changes we make can positively impact kids’ self-esteem and our relationship with them in the long run
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Mari Collins Harris!
Listen as I ask Mari the 3 questions: 1. How does Ketshop help teach kids personal responsibility? 2. How can Ketshop help reduce clutter in the home? 3. How does buyer's remorse help children to learn budgeting?
Listen as Mari asks me the 3 questions: 1. Chores vs. Allowance: how do you give your kids money without spoiling them? 2. How can you teach your kids to be generous? 3. How can we encourage our kids to use technology responsibly?
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Ketshop app: https://ketshop.com/
Rachel's free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Rachel's Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Rachel's Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Homework can bring up lots of feelings in our kids with big emotions, including frustration, stress, and overwhelm. While we’d like our children to do homework without drama, what do we do when they won’t listen to logic or finish their work without fighting us every step of the way?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why our children struggle to complete their homework, even if they know how to do it
One tool that can help our children stay on task (without nagging or fighting)
How homework can teach our kids lifelong skills that will help them find success in the long run -- and strengthen our parent-child relationship along the way!
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
We know that it’s ideal to handle difficult parenting situations with patience and respect. But often when we’re tired or frustrated, our Yuck gets the best of us and we say and do things that we regret. And then, of course, we feel awful. But mistakes don’t need to make us feel guilty… in fact, making them can be quite helpful.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why it’s important to “mess up” as a parent
An effective way to repair a relationship after we do something that hurts our child
How we can use our mistakes to help children take responsibility for themselves as well
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Creativity Coach Beryl Young!
Listen as I ask Beryl the 3 questions: 1. How did you personally discover the powerful connection between creativity and self-care, and what led you to become a self-care coach? 2. What are some common misconceptions or barriers people often face when it comes to integrating creativity into their self-care routine, and how do you help them overcome these challenges? 3. What advice do you give to those who struggle with finding time for creative pursuits amidst the demands of daily life and responsibilities?
Listen as Beryl asks me the 3 questions: 1. I'm all about showing parents that it's essential to address your own needs for self-care and well-being while also attending to your kids needs. How do you recommend parents strike this balance between fulfilling their personal needs and the responsibilities as a parent? 2. I'm just about to enter parenting a teenager and my role as a parent I can feel shifting. I have more time for me but I worry about maintaining open lines of connection and communication with my kiddo. What advice do you have for fostering healthy communication and trust between parents and teenagers? 3. Teenagers (and kids of all ages really) are increasingly exposed to social media and digital technologies at younger and younger ages. How can parents effectively navigate this digital landscape and help their teens develop healthy screen time habits?
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Beryl's "100 Steps Photo Project Guidebook": https://beyoungcreative.com/100stepslonggame/
Rachel's free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Rachel's Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Rachel's Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Many kids with big emotions resist doing what we ask them to do. And it can be exhausting to deal with this resistance day after day. But if the strategies we’ve tried to use to address resistance don’t work, what can we do instead?
In this case study episode, you’ll learn:
What we need to know about resistance in order to address it effectively
What we’re unintentionally doing that contributes to kids’ resistance
Two questions to ask yourself to help improve your influence with your child
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
When they are feeling big emotions, different children may behave in very different ways. Some children become “strong-willed” when they’re upset – they become resistant to us or try to make things go their way. Others act more “sensitive” when they’re upset – they become hard on themselves when they think they haven’t done something the right way. Despite the fact that these behaviors seem so different, “strong-willed” and “sensitive” children actually have a lot in common.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What strong willed and sensitive children have in common
Practical tips to help both types of children handle their uncomfortable emotions more effectively
How we can help any child with big emotions become more confident in themselves and in their relationships
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with prenatal yoga teacher Deb Flashenberg!
Listen as I ask Deb the 3 questions: 1. How does POSTnatal yoga benefit a new parent as oppose to just going back to their regular class? 2. What is one thing a new parent can do right away to help heal diastasis and help their pelvic floor? 3. What is your "go to" yoga pose to relieve upper back pain from breastfeeding?
Listen as Deb asks me the 3 questions: 1. What are your suggestions for supporting anxious children? 2. How as a parent can we respond to kids’ stress and overwhelm, and how should we foster overall resilience? 3. What are some ways to make transitions easier even when time "warnings" and count downs have been given? ie- getting off a device, getting out of the house?
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Rachel's free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Rachel's Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Rachel's Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Raising a child with big emotions can be exhausting. Not only are we trying to manage their emotions, but we’re often dealing with the emotions of siblings, spouses, ourselves…and everything else we have going on in our lives! However, it is possible to be less drained by the emotions around us, and we don’t need to make others change for it to happen.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why trying to reduce others’ emotions is NOT the solution to feeling less exhausted
A simple mindset switch to make any “drama” easier to handle
Tips that you can start using immediately that will lead to more energy
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
We want our kids to use healthy coping skills when they are dealing with discomfort. But what do we do when they regularly “forget” or fall back on unhealthy strategies when they are disappointed or frustrated?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why trying to make or convince children to use healthy coping skills doesn’t work
Why children genuinely struggle to use these skills, even when you’ve reminded them over and over
What children really need in order to successfully (and consistently!) handle their big feelings more effectively
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Certified High Performance Coach Julie Lowe.
Listen as I ask Julie the 3 questions: 1. You're a high performance coach – what does it mean to live a high-performance lifestyle exactly? Can anyone adapt to it, or is it just for the super-organized amongst us? 2. In your book, A Few Good Habits, you talk about how relying on willpower and motivation alone can be misleading and set us up for failure. Why is that and what should we do instead? 3. Many people are on the hunt for a 'magic bullet' solution to better their lives. You, however, advocate for simplicity and returning to basics. Tell me more about this philosophy and what that looks like.
Listen as Julie asks me the 3 questions: 1. For a child with ADHD who struggles with emotional outbursts, could you share some practical advice on how parents can effectively calm the situation and help their child manage these strong emotions? 2. Many parents struggle with the constant battle over 'device time'. Can you share a fun yet effective way to inspire kids to willingly switch off their devices? 3. We hear a lot about fostering resilience in kids. Could you share a real-life example of a parent-child interaction that encourages resilience in a situation of stress or anxiety?
Children with big emotions often want to be in charge. They try to control the schedule, their siblings, and even us! But trying to take away control leads to power struggles… and giving them MORE control doesn’t lead to better behavior. The good news is that there is a way to motivate our children to be more flexible and responsible without taking away all of their control or giving them too much of it.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What leads to better behavior with kids who like to be in control
How to easily find the right balance between permissiveness and firmness
What our kids really need from us so that they can develop confidence, internal motivation, and a better parent-child relationship
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Many children with big emotions also experience symptoms of anxiety -- at school, at bedtime, even in relationships with friends and siblings. It can be challenging for us to help our child when they’re worried, especially when it seems like most strategies aren’t effective. How can we make things better in the moment when children are experiencing symptoms of anxiety?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What’s going on in the brain during anxious moments
What’s most effective to focus on when a child is worrying
Three actions we can take in the moment to help children move through anxious symptoms more quickly
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with pediatric nurse practitioner and sleep consultant Kelsey Alford.
Listen as I ask Kelsey the 3 questions: 1. How should you handle sleep regressions? 2. How to know when is the right time to make sleep changes ? 3. How do you stay kind and firm when you are exhausted?
Listen as Kelsey asks me the 3 questions: 1. How do you deal with parent preferences? 2. How do you deal with transitions away from/stopping devices (especially over summer)? 3. How do you deal with fears- how much to validate and when (night time vs daytime)?
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FREE RESOURCES
Of course we want to raise responsible, respectful children. But the strategies that we are most comfortable with – like punishments and rewards – don’t seem to be effective with our kids, especially those with big emotions! How can we teach children to do what they need to do when traditional strategies often lead to worse behavior, meltdowns, or unhealthy self-esteem?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why “traditional” ways of motivating better behavior aren’t effective for many children
How punishments and rewards can actually make some kids feel and act worse
Strategies we can use instead to motivate responsible behavior
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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Many children with big emotions struggle to express what they need. Some tend to demand that things go their way…while others rarely stand up for themselves. How can we teach our children to ask for what they need without offending others or letting others walk all over them?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why we need to identify what’s causing our children’s behavior before we try to change it
The scientific reasons why a child might struggle to be assertive (and why our pushing usually makes things worse)
How to teach important life skills -- like standing up for themselves respectfully -- without harming their self-esteem or our parent-child relationship
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with school counselor and author Ashley Bartley, who is the author of five social emotional learning books for children.
Listen as I ask Ashley the 3 questions: 1. How can I help my child with time management? 2. How can I establish routines in my home to make the mornings go more smoothly? 3. What strategies would be helpful for a child experiencing separation anxiety?
Listen as Ashley asks me the 3 questions: 1. How do you handle kids refusing to do homework? 2. How do you handle kids refusing to do chores? 3. How do we minimize screen time with our children?
When we are raising children with big emotions, we have to take care of ourselves, too.
But how do we find the energy we need when we’re exhausted by meeting everyone else’s needs and have NO extra time?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
The scientific reason why our bodies are constantly in fight or flight mode
The differences between self-care and self-treatment
Three questions you can ask yourself that will give you more energy…right now!
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Let’s be honest: Raising a child with big emotions can feel HARD. As we try to manage their reactions, their behavior, their emotions (on top of everything else in our lives), we may feel exhausted, helpless, resentful. How can we continue to support our kids when things just seem so difficult?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What we can do when we feel stuck in our Yuck
A new perspective to help regulate our emotions and keep our cool
A tip that allows us to respond from our values, even when we’re struggling ourselves
Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey
Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with coach and consultant Nadine Stille, who helps moms find more balance and joy as working parents.
Listen as I ask Nadine the 3 questions: 1. How can moms/ parents prioritize their own wellbeing? 2. What are quick ways to get calm and grounded for when it's stressful all around you? 3. What are some ways to bring more joy into everyday life of a busy mom/ parent?
Listen as Nadine asks me the 3 questions: 1. Even with routines in place and plenty of advance acknowledgements, what else can parents and caregivers do, to avoid drama, knowing that their child reacts strongly to certain words and activities, like 'It's time for bed', 'Let's get dressed' or 'We're having dinner now and we'll switch off the tv'? 2. What's one activity that parents can do to help both young and older kids to be more confident in their own abilities and worth? 3. For anxious kids that get easily overwhelmed or stressed by new situations, what's an easy step to help them build more resilience?
If you are raising a child with big emotions, you may be gaining confidence handling outbursts in the safety and privacy of your own home. But what happens when our kids get anxious or frustrated in public places? How do we help our kids handle their big emotions in crowded stores or at family events?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why the judgment of other people affects us so much and makes outbursts even worse
In-the-moment strategies to help when children express big emotions in public
Tips to give your child what they need so that these outbursts are less frequent
We want our children to get along with their siblings -- both now, when they’re young and living in our house, and in the future, when they are all adults. But sometimes, kids with big emotions struggle to have healthy relationships with their siblings. How do we know if we should get involved in their conflicts? And how can we help them all get along?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why our current parenting strategies aren’t reducing sibling conflicts
When we should step in and help our kids resolve conflict and when we shouldn't
Three important factors we should consider when it comes to sibling conflicts + simple action we can take to get results
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Carly Adams, home organizer, owner of Tidy Revival and The Tidy Revival podcast.
Listen as I ask Carly the 3 questions: 1. What tips to you have to start decluttering when you feel overwhelmed at home? 2. What are some tips to create simple systems so that my family can get on board with home organization & Mom doesn't need to be the gatekeeper? 3. How do you find time to create systems / declutter & organize when you're already stretched thin as a parent?
Listen as Carly asks me the 3 questions: 1. As a parenting specialist, how do you recommend that parents approach decluttering and organizing when they have children with big emotions? For example, how can parents balance the need for structure and organization with the potential stress and anxiety that decluttering and reorganizing may trigger in children who struggle with big emotions? 2. Many parents of children with big emotions find themselves feeling overwhelmed and drained, which can make it difficult to prioritize self-care and maintain their own mental and emotional health. What recommendations do you have for parents who want to create a more balanced and sustainable approach to parenting, while also managing their own stress levels and emotional well-being? 3. How can I help my child develop emotional regulation skills and build resilience, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed myself? Are there any specific decluttering or organizing strategies that can support these efforts?
Sometimes when our kids have big emotions or big reactions, we handle it with confidence and patience… but other times we respond with frustration and annoyance. It may seem like it would be impossible to react consistently when we don't know how our kids are going to act or feel! However, when our reactions are predictable to our kids, it actually helps THEM be more resilient. And it’s much easier to respond predictably than you’d think.
In this episode, you'll learn
How OUR reactions foster more resilience in our children
What it’s like from a child’s perspective when we react differently based on our mood
A simple plan that will allow you to immediately become more predictable
It can be frustrating when we ask our children to go play on their own for a bit (so we can get things done!!) and they just keep coming back to us. How can we encourage our kids to play independently…without losing our tempers or resorting to unlimited screen time? In this episode, you’ll learn two reasons why many kids resist playing alone. You'll also hear a simple shift in perspective that helps us lose our cool less so we can motivate our kids more, plus practical steps that we can take to help our kids be successful at entertaining themselves…so we can do what WE have to do.
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Danielle Shea Tan, Licensed Nutritionist, Integrative Health Practitioner and Author of "52 Small Changes for the Family"
Listen as I ask Danielle the 3 questions: 1. I have heard that some foods can impact a child's emotions and attention, can you tell me more about which foods or ingredients and why? 2. If a parent wants to try to change a child's diet to see if behavior improves, how could they go about doing this with a picky eater? 3. Does digestive health have any impact on a child's emotional health? How?
Listen as Danielle asks me the 3 questions: 1. I am working to heal my toddler's digestion but she has anxiety and stress about going poop because it has hurt in the past. How can I support her anxiety? 2. At the dinner table, all my children do is complain about what's being served but then they eat it after we've had a blow out. How can I avoid getting triggered by these complaints and diffusing an argument before it starts? 3. My child has to avoid some foods as part of his healing protocol, but my husband and my in-laws still give them these foods and it's setting him back. How can I get them on board?
Sometimes when we see our kids’ negative behavior – when they’re being mean to a sibling, or acting disrespectful – we can tell that it’s because they’re in Yuck. But sometimes our kids act negatively and they don’t seem to be in Yuck at all. But even in those situations when it isn’t obvious, it’s likely that Yuck is still motivating their negative behavior. In this episode, you’ll learn a simple way to know that a child is in Yuck, even if they don’t seem upset. You'll also learn why it’s so important to recognize this “quiet” Yuck and how we should respond when even our kids don’t know why they’re upset.
There are a lot of demands on our time these days. Even though we know we should spend 1:1 time with each of our children, it can feel like a daunting task to find space in our calendar and plan activities for multiple children. In this episode, you’ll learn how to make 1:1 time with children more realistic, even when we’re busy. You'll also learn how to make sure our 1:1 time actually gives kids what they need... and a tip for what to do when kids want more time with us than we can give them!
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Abbey Williams, therapist and founder of of You, the Mother.
Listen as I ask Emily the 3 questions: 1. How do I decide if I should go no contact with my mother? 2. How do you deal with the guilt and shame of being estranged from your mother? 3. How can we support those who are navigating estrangement?
Listen as Emily asks me the 3 questions: 1. How do I manage my child's stress when I am feeling overwhelmed? 2. I find my child's big emotions triggering, how do I deal? 3. How do I ensure my child has a healthy self-esteem when I struggle with this?
Children with big emotions like things to go the way they imagine they will go. Sometimes this makes them seem like they’re acting entitled -- like the world revolves around them and what they want. How do we help our kids deal with their big feelings when things DON’T go their way so they can become more resilient people…now and in the future? In this episode, you’ll learn two reasons why children with big emotions may seem entitled or self-centered and practical actions we can take to address their long-term needs (instead of their short-term behavior). You'll also learn how using this Long Game strategy helps our children learn to handle a world that isn’t always kind.
So often we assume that what we’re asking our kids to do – brush their teeth, clean their rooms, not complain when they don’t like the dinner we made – is realistic. And this is especially true when we KNOW they’re physically capable of doing what we ask! But when we expect our kids to do those things and they’re consistently not listening, sometimes we do need to re-think our expectations. And this does NOT mean letting them off the hook.
In this episode, you’ll learn why, just because our kids can physically do what we ask, that’s not enough to motivate better behavior. You'll also learn the one simple question to ask to determine whether expectations are realistic... and what to if they’re not (to ensure that kids will do the things they have to do!).
Want more?
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/ "Raising Resilience" membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with Emily Siegel of The Connected Mom Life.
Listen as I ask Emily the 3 questions: 1. Why does it feel so awkward to make new friends as an adult? 2. How can we make friends in the midst of busy motherhood? 3. But what about moms who are introverts?
Listen as Emily asks me the 3 questions: 1. I’m an only child and I feel lost with navigating sibling squabbles. What are the basics? Do I need “house rules”? Do I need defined consequences? How much should I be “policing” their play and their language with each other? They’re boys, so the line always feels so fuzzy to me… 2. I’m prone to just do things for my kid with ADD (age 5) so we can get out the door on time. Are there strategies that can help him better self-manage? I’ve tried the get ready charts with mild to no success. I end up just telling him each thing one by one and it’s driving us both crazy. 3. I’m tend to not push my kiddo with anxiety (age 9) into situations that will test it. How do we as parents figure out when to push and when to let them stay in their comfort zone?
We want our kids to enjoy spending time with each other, but what happens when they spend most of their time together competing and complaining that they didn’t get something the other has? Of course, the more we try to explain WHY our kids don’t always get the same treatment, the more they complain about it. In this episode, you’ll learn why kids regularly compare themselves to others, especially their siblings, what our kids really need instead of reassurance and logic when they feel things are unfair, and simple tips for reducing competition and comparison between siblings for more peace in your home.
It’s our instinct to try to help our children when they are upset, but what do we do when they won’t tell us what’s wrong? In this episode, you’ll learn why a child might not tell us why they are upset, what kids REALLY need from parents when they are sad, anxious, or annoyed, and how to address our own concerns so our kids can build resilience and healthy self-esteem.
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with online safety expert Lisa Honold!
Listen as I ask Lisa the 3 questions: 1. How can I reduce screen time at our house without making us all miserable? 2. Related to devices and technology and social media and online safety, what should I be thinking about and preparing for at different ages and stages? 3. How can I get my kids to buy into screen time limits and rules we have as a family?
Listen as Lisa asks me the 3 questions: 1. How do I intervene when 1 sibling is physically abusing another without making the first one feel ashamed and the victim powerless or "the winner" because they got our help? 2. How do I get my child to help? My 8 yo used to clear her place from late toddlerhood until Covid. Now she leaves dishes, absentmindedly beginning to play or dance or something. (My husband does this also!)… also with laundry, books, toys etc. And reminding them just makes them irritated. 3. How do I get my tween (12yo) to stop lying?
Many children with big feelings react strongly to situations that seem like no big deal, like when they forget to take a plate away or have to fix one thing on their homework. In those moments, kids get really upset, and they don’t react well when we tell them that it’s no big deal. These sensitive kids often need something different than logic or reason…but what? In this episode, you’ll learn what is beneath “sensitive” children’s big reactions, what they really need in that moment in order to calm down, and how you can foster resilience in your child in a way that also builds self esteem that lasts.
Many of us believe that when you’re responding to kids’ behavior, you can either be firm OR you can be respectful -- not both, and definitely not both at the same time. Not only is it possible to balance firmness and respect, but it’s actually essential to do so if you want to be a powerful positive influence and foster internal motivation. In this episode, we’ll discuss why balancing these two qualities is necessary, why it’s easier than you think, and what it actually looks and sounds like to respond with firmness and respect, even in challenging situations.
We all know how hard it can be to get our children off of their devices without tears, pushback, or defiance. Even commonly-suggested tips -- like giving kids plenty of warning -- don’t seem to work for kids with big emotions. How can we get our kids to listen to us and get off of their devices when we ask? In this case study episode, you’ll learn why traditional strategies for getting kids off their screens don’t work, what our children need from us (instead of constant reminders), and how Long Game Parenting can teach our children strategies for hard or uncomfortable things with less conflict and a healthier parent-child relationship.
Welcome to a bonus "Ask Me 3" episode with therapist Jen Hershey!
Listen as I ask Jen the 3 questions: 1. Why do we need to re-think self-help for parents? 2. Why do parents need better resources than Google? 3. How can tech reduce parenting stress?
Listen as Jen asks me the 3 questions: 1. I have a child who feels strongly and I worry about her socially. At school, she'll only play with one person, and she feels a deep hurt if that person won't play with her. How do I support her? 2. My child with big emotions seems to be ruling the house. How do I know when to rein it in or when do we let it ride? 3. I tend to get really upset at my child... and then remove myself from the situation. How do I not make removing myself the consequence?
Most of us want to be around positive people, but often kids with big emotions aren’t positive. And when they complain about homework…or cleaning…or their siblings, our first instinct is to try to get them to STOP. But trying to get them to stop isn’t often effective. In this episode, you’ll learn why logic doesn’t work when it comes to kids’ complaints, how to shift our mindset to see complaining as a good thing (really!), and what happens when we listen to complaints with an open mind.
En liten tjänst av I'm With Friends. Finns även på engelska.