211: How to raise a child who doesn’t experience shame

Are there parts of yourself that you don't share with other people?   Things that you think: "If people knew that about me, they wouldn't love me / they'd think I'm a terrible person / they wouldn't even want to be around me"?   When you mess up, does it seem like it's not that you did a silly/bad thing, but that you are a stupid/bad person?   If your answer to any of these questions is "yes," then you're experiencing shame.   Almost all of the parents I work with are ashamed of some aspect of themselves...but not Dee.   That's not to say that Dee never struggles - far from it. But her struggles seem to feel more manageable to her, and she has a sense of 'right'-ness about her.   If Dee recognizes that she has a need, it never occurs to her to not ask for help from others in getting that need met.   How did this happen? What implications does it have for how we can raise our children so they don't experience shame?   In this episode, Dee shares her story and her top three ideas for raising children in a shame-free environment with us.   If you realize that shame has been a huge part of your childhood (and even adulthood) and you're ready for help healing that so you can be the kind of parent you want to be, I do hope you'll join me (and Dee!) in the Parenting Membership.   We don't just learn how to make parenting easier (although that is a big focus!). We also work to heal ourselves so we can show up as whole people in our own lives.   Join the waitlist and get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Click the image below to learn more.    

Other episodes mentioned

209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner 212: How to make the sustainable change you want to see  

Jump to Highlights

00:59 Introducing today’s topic and featured guest0 6:31 Dee talks about her life, interests, and journey as a parent, including travel, family, and retirement plans. 09:24 Dee reflects on her supportive mom, who embraced their behavior as expressions of needs and valued their personalities. 12:39 Dee reflects on her nurturing upbringing, emphasizing the importance of feeling loved and accepted. This foundation drives her to seek intentional parenting strategies. 20:31 Dee learned to negotiate needs and boundaries with her child, leading to mutual respect and a harmonious dynamic. 30:39 Dee shares her experiences in the Parenting Membership community where she finds support and insights through coaching calls, ACTion group, and modules on topics that help her navigate parenting challenges and personal growth. 40:50 Through the Parenting Membership, Dee learned to address resentment, prioritize her needs, and communicate better with her partner for a healthier balance. 01:06:15 Three things Dee suggests for parents to try on based on the conversation. 01:09:39 Wrapping up