Beautifully Complex

In this episode of the Beautifully Complex podcast, I had an insightful conversation with Dr. Janina Elbert Maschke, an expert in ADHD coaching and cognitive psychology. We discuss how to support neurodivergent young adults as they navigate the unique challenges they face, such as feelings of isolation, academic pressures, and emotional struggles. Dr. Maschke shares invaluable advice on recognizing and celebrating the strengths of neurodivergent individuals, as well as empowering parents to shift from instructing to supporting their young adults. We also discuss the importance of finding one's passion, building confidence, and seeking outside support.

In this episode of the Beautifully Complex podcast, I?m exploring the profound impact of successes on our neurodivergent kids (and all of us humans). I discuss how experiencing successes contributes to building confidence, motivation, and a positive mindset, all through the lens of brain science. I also offer practical ways for parents and educators to create opportunities for success and the importance of celebrating even the smallest victories. Join me as we explore the power of successes in shaping our children's journey and the strategies to support them along the way.

I'm thrilled to bring you another compelling episode of Beautifully Complex. For this episode, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Elizabeth Sautter, MA, CCC-SLP for a truly eye-opening discussion about the often wildly misunderstood concept of listening and showing that you?re listening. Elizabeth, a speech language pathologist and social cognitive specialist, emphasizes the importance of allowing individuals to find what works best for them in terms of regulation, challenging the notion of a one-size-fits-all approach. We dive into the myths surrounding what it looks like when a kid or teen is listening, the significance of regulation as a foundation for education, and the diverse ways in which individuals process information. From the concept of "Listening Larry" to the need for tailored support for neurodivergent children, our conversation offers a newfound appreciation for the complexities of listening and the impact it has on learning.

In this episode of the Beautifully Complex podcast, we?re setting achievable intentions for the new year, with a strong focus on nurturing connections and fostering collaboration with our neurodivergent kids and teens. As always, I?m challenging the traditional authoritarian parenting/educating approach and advocate for a collaborative relationship with your kids and students, and I provide practical insights and resources for creating a collaborative environment. I emphasize the importance of spending quality time without distractions to build connections and suggest ways to provide opportunities for children to connect with you and with peers. You can even download my annual goal planning worksheet for 2024 in the show notes.

In this episode of Beautifully Complex, I?m joined by Doreen Samelson, EdD, MSCP to discuss the emotional impact on neurotypical siblings of neurodivergent children. Learn about the importance of acknowledging and accepting diverse emotions, creating intentional time for the siblings, and seeking support from networks and family members. This episode offers practical resources and highlights the significance of open dialogue and radical empathy in supporting all family members.

In this episode of the Beautifully Complex podcast, I?m taking a deep dive into the concept of "can't versus won't" when examining a child's behavior. It?s important to understand that the majority of the time, when a child is struggling, it is a "can't" rather than a "won't," even when it feels like an undoubtable won?t. I cover the complexities involved in assessing the "doability" of tasks for neurodivergent kids and provide an acronym, "DESKS," to help parents and educators analyze the factors that contribute to a task's doability for that child. Each factor plays a significant role in determining whether a child can or cannot complete a task without significant support or accommodations. Learn to approach challenges with empathy and understanding, and the framework required to assess doability to support children in overcoming barriers to achieving success.

In today's episode,I have the pleasure of hosting Dr. Brent Crandal, a clinical psychologist and children's book author. Join me for this thought-provoking conversation with Dr. Crandal about practical ways to build mindfulness and connection within families. From fostering gratitude to promoting a culture of hope, this episode presents valuable insights and actionable strategies to enhance family dynamics. We delve into the importance of mental health hygiene, modeling healthy behaviors, and finding balance in parenting. This episode is filled with wisdom and inspiration. So, grab your favorite beverage, get cozy, and get ready to be uplifted by this enriching conversation.

In this episode of the Beautifully Complex podcast, I outline five strategies to boost the confidence of neurodivergent teens and young adults. I emphasize the importance of leaning into a strengths-based approach, fostering a growth mindset, providing opportunities for talents, interests, and passions, making "time in" a part of the family culture, and being transparent about your humanness, frustration tolerance, grit, and resilience for your teens. I share practical examples and insights on implementing these strategies to help you guide your neurodivergent kids towards building confidence and self-esteem.

In this episode of Beautifully Complex, Leslie Josel and I explore the crucial role of emotional rewards in building habits and fostering positive behavior in neurodivergent children. We highlight the significance of specific praise, genuine curiosity, and active listening in reinforcing routines and solidifying relationships. The conversation also delves into the challenges of effective communication and the importance of providing space for children to process. You?ll get practical insights and strategies, and be empowered with valuable tools to support your child?s development and nurture meaningful connections.

In this episode of Beautifully Complex, join host Penny Williams as she delves into the topic of childhood OCD with guest Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., MS. Brendan opens up about his personal journey raising a child with OCD and the challenges his child and family faced, and continues to face, along the way. From the early signs of OCD in his son to the impact of COVID on his family dynamics, Brendan shares the highs, lows, and important lessons learned about raising a kid with OCD. Join us as we explore the complexities of OCD, the power of connection, and the realities of being a parent in the face of mental health challenges. This is a conversation you won't want to miss.

In this episode of Beautifully Complex, I?m diving into behavior challenges at school. We'll discuss the common struggles faced by children with ADHD, autism, and other developmental delays, and explore effective strategies to help them navigate these challenges. From poor frustration tolerance and off-task behavior to big emotions and argumentativeness, we'll unpack it all. Join me as I share practical tips, insights, and stories to empower parents, educators, and professionals in supporting these beautifully complex individuals.

In this episode of Beautifully Complex, we?re discussing the incredible power of music for those who are neurodivergent with Penny?s son, Luke. Luke shares his personal journey with music, starting from using it as a tool to assist his focus and mental clarity beginning in fourth grade. He also delves into his experience with creating digital music on his iPad and phone. Penny and Luke explore how this particular form of music ? with its rhythmic and often heavy nature ? has been instrumental in helping Luke regulate his emotions, cope with overwhelm, and ultimately improve his ability to refocus on his schoolwork. They also touch upon how different music genres, including heavy and fast beats, can have a calming effect on neurodivergent individuals. Join us as we dive into the fascinating world of using music to feel better and do better and uncover the beautiful complexity it brings to our lives.

In today's episode, our host Penny Williams dives deep into a topic that many parents struggle with: how to stay calm in the midst of the storm. As a parenting coach, author, and mindset mama, Penny shares her personal journey of going from a parent who yelled and felt frustrated to one who responds calmly, compassionately, and clear-headedly. From reframing our children's behavior to understanding that it's not personal, Penny offers valuable insights and strategies on how to manage our emotions and effectively support our neurodivergent kids. Let's dive into this beautifully complex topic together.

I have a special guest in this episode ? Alice Gendron, also known as The Mini ADHD Coach. Alice shares her personal journey of being diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 29 and the challenges she faced afterward. She discusses the misconceptions surrounding ADHD, particularly in women and girls, and highlights the importance of understanding the different ways in which ADHD can manifest. Join us as we dive deep into this beautifully complex topic and gain valuable insights into working with the ADHD brain.

In this episode, I?m diving deep into the topic of de-escalating challenging behavior with Dayna Abraham of Calm the Chaos. As parents of neurodivergent kids, we often face moments when our children's behaviors become overwhelming and difficult to handle. This discussion will provide you with valuable insights and strategies for navigating these situations. We explore the concept that all behavior is communication and how to approach challenging behaviors as clues of dysregulation, rather than as negative actions. We also discuss the importance of staying calm, being mindful of our words and actions, and using tools like sensory anchors to ground ourselves in tough times. Plus, wel explore how our own behavior as parents can influence the outcome of these challenging moments. So get ready to gain some powerful tools for de-escalation and join us on this journey of understanding and embracing the beautifully complex adventure of parenting neurodivergent children.

In this episode, I?m diving deep into the reality of frustration, particularly for mothers of neurodivergent children with Stephanie Rosenfield. Stephanie shares her insights and personal experiences, highlighting the challenges and struggles faced by moms who are constantly striving to balance authenticity and protectiveness. We'll explore the societal pressures of being the perfect parent and how it impacts our ability to be real with our children. Stephanie also offers valuable tips on how to navigate frustrating moments and teach resilience to our kids. Get ready for an honest and eye-opening conversation that will leave you reflecting on your own parenting journey. Let's explore the beautifully complex reality of frustration with Stephanie Rosenfield.

I?m diving into the big picture goals of education and how refocusing on those overarching goals helps struggling learners thrive. Join me as I discuss how understanding the true purpose of education and the true purpose of each task or assignment can level the playing field for struggling learners and enhance a child's learning journey.

In this episode, I discuss the role of neurobiology in our ability to learn. Join me as we uncover the science behind how our nervous system?s state impacts our availability to learn. We will explore the concept of regulation and why it is crucial for optimal learning. Get ready for some eye-opening insights that will challenge the traditional educational norms we've been accustomed to.

The concept of the "just right challenge" plays a crucial role in supporting growth and success for neurodivergent kids in school. I share insights on finding the balance between pushing children outside their comfort zones and ensuring they can still achieve success. I emphasize the need to meet kids where they are and create opportunities for growth, all while understanding the ever-changing nature of neurodiversity. Tune in to learn more about the Zone of Proximal Development and how to navigate the complexities of setting appropriate challenges for struggling students.

Connection and a sense of belonging are integral to learning. Join me as I explore strategies for creating a community that not only supports academic growth but also celebrates individual differences. Tune in to discover how building a culture of community can positively impact students' emotional well-being and engagement in the learning process.

Normalizing differences in education is a key topic for creating schools that are equitable to all learners. I share valuable lessons learned from experts on how to embrace neurodiversity, different learning styles, and unique needs in the classroom. Join me as I uncover strategies to create a culture of acceptance, foster community, and encourage open conversations about alternative approaches to learning. It's time to make education a place where every student feels seen, understood, and successful.

In this episode, I explore the crucial importance of providing adaptable approaches to education for neurodivergent children and those who struggle in school. Prepare to discover three key ways to implement flexibility in education, ranging from the flexibility of the learning environment to accommodating different modalities of learning and allowing individualized planning and organization.

In 2022, 34 students and adults died in school shootings, while more than 43,000 children were exposed to gunfire at school. These are startling statistics, but an epidemic that many Americans have grown somewhat numb to. While we?ve become accustomed to expecting more school shootings, it doesn?t reduce the fear and anxiety kids and parents feel. In fact, the inevitability keeps the lack of control top of mind. 

In this episode, I?m joined by the Executive Director of the Trauma and Grief Centers, Dr. Julie Kaplow, to learn what we can do as parents and caregivers to help kids navigate the emotions and fears they feel when a school shooting happens. First and foremost, Dr. Kaplow says we have to talk about the tragedies with our kids. Listen in to learn more about what you can do to empower your kids to navigate tragedy and the resulting fear it often causes.

Everyone has eight senses ? the five we know commonly, which are our ?far? senses, and the three additional senses that are our ?near? senses. The three additional senses of vestibular, proprioceptive, and interoception are vitally important to regulation.  

In this episode, I?m joined by occupational therapists, Rachel Harrington and Jessica Hill, hosts of the All Things Sensory podcast. Listen in to learn about the three ?near? senses, how to put on your sensory goggles to decode behavior and help your kids regulate, and many tools and activities for the different sensory areas.

School is hard for neurodivergent kids ? there's no question about that. Traditional educational systems are not designed for kids who learn differently. That means we have to advocate for our children and take steps to provide a path for success. First and foremost, we must understand the end goal of schooling: to provide our children with the education and skills they need to thrive as adults. We can't achieve that if we get caught up in just conforming to a rigid system. Instead, let's focus on nurturing their individuality and helping them discover their sense of purpose. Our kids need to understand why they're learning certain things and how it will impact their lives. And here's the key: we need to create opportunities for them to experience success, no matter how small. Remember, learning and growth is a process, and it's important to meet kids where they are, celebrate their victories, and empower them with ownership and control over their education. Listen in to learn how.

Everyone needs grit for self-actualization. Without experiencing that we can do hard things and be okay on the other side, we don?t feel truly successful and fulfilled. Of course, we want this for our kids ? we want them to have grit and to feel a great sense of achievement and purpose.

So how do we foster grit in our kids (and ourselves, btw)? The short answer is that we allow failure and then learn and grow from it. As the executive director of SOAR, John Willson (or Big John as I and his campers know him) explains to us, it means that it?s imperative that we stop rescuing our kids too quickly. We must teach them to ?fail forward,? as he calls it. We must step back and watch the hard thing happen to them or witness them really struggling with something, and then wait for the recovery and the sense of true accomplishment to hit them. Doability and support are crucial, of course. Listen in for the full conversation on helping kids build grit.

Our culture is pretty rigid and it calls for parents to be rigid in their parenting as well ? you set rules and limits, kids break them, you punish them. But, this is not good parenting! 

Kids do need structure but they also need the space to be authentically who they are and find their own path. Rigidity doesn?t allow kids to be true to themselves, it doesn?t allow parents to feel good about their relationships with their kids, and it doesn?t prepare kids for adulthood and independence. There is a better way. 

Author of Calm the Chaos, Dayna Abraham, joins me in this episode to talk about why we need to shift from rules and limits and what we should shift to, boundaries and agreements, routines and plans. Listen in to learn a values-based family system and how to implement it in your family.

Parenting itself can be traumatic ? it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders to protect your child while also teaching them to live their truth and live it fearlessly. When you add in neurodivergence, you amplify the stress, anxiety, and intensity. And your body holds onto that stress, anxiety, and intensity ? it doesn?t feel safe and it signals you not just emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. 

I?m honored to have the founder of The Biology of Trauma, Dr. Aimie Apigian, with me in this episode to discuss not only the trauma and what it may feel like for you in the ways your body is responding, but also the process of repair and healing. Listen in to also hear Dr. Aimee take me through two very short exercises to help relieve the stress and overwhelm right when it hits us the hardest. 

One of the struggles we hear from parents again and again is that their child lacks self-regulation. Being with a kid who can?t self-regulate day in and day out is challenging, no doubt. But you can help your kid calm and kids can learn to self-regulate ? you just need the right strategies.

In this episode of Beautifully Complex, outline five strategies to help your child get regulated or to foster their own self-regulation skills. Most of these can be woven into your everyday lives and things you?re already doing. Remember, when kids are regulated, their bodies and brains are able to engage and get things done, and they can feel good about themselves. Regulation is a key priority.

It?s hard not to get overwhelmed when parenting neurodivergent kids. The chaos, the school meetings, the appointments, the seemingly never-ending need? it?s a lot to juggle. But what our souls crave ? what we need to truly live ? is joy, ease, and presence. 

In this episode, Heather Chauvin of Emotionally Uncomfortable reminds us that overwhelm is just a symptom, not a lifestyle. Instead, focusing on how you feel and how you want to feel can create a transformation in your body, mind, and spirit. Listen in to learn how to take charge of your energy and how you feel.

Though our understanding of autism has greatly expanded, many autistic individuals are still missed or misdiagnosed. Not all autistics are severely outwardly impacted, like Rainman. Autism is a spectrum and it can show up in many different ways ? even camouflaged. 

In this episode, I?m talking with Donna Henderson, Psy.D. & Sarah Wayland, Ph.D., authors of the new book,  Is This Autism? A guide for clinicians and everyone else. We talk through the diagnostic criteria of autism in a new way ? through a lens of understanding the deeper nuances of each area and what those symptoms might look like in a child, adolescent, or adult who has less-obvious autism. Those who are hiding in plain sight.

We talk a lot about strategies for when our kids get stuck, but what about us? Parents can certainly feel stuck too. I?m feeling it to the nth degree these days, and I?ve decided to share my current feelings of being stuck in the stuck of stuck and what I?m doing to slowly find my way out of that darkness. 

In this episode I share my current stuckness, how doing simple things has been hard for me, and what my therapist is helping me do to feel better so I can do better. I hope that my openness in sharing some of my personal story helps you feel a little less alone and inspires a new perspective for yourself or your parenting.

It?s easy to get overwhelmed by your child?s behavior, numerous possible interventions, school struggles, medication trials, and your feelings about all those things when you have a child with ADHD or autism. And we can?t live our best lives, or help our children live their best lives, when we?re overwhelmed and trying to do too much at once. 

?We?re living in systems that make it hard for [parents of ND kids],? says Dr. Kelly Fradin. That inherently brings more difficulty to parenting complex kids. In this episode, Dr. Fradin shares strategies on both coping with the emotional aspects for parents and helping our kids develop and grow in their own time. It?s a process, and Dr. Fradin is here to help you with it.

The rate of suicide in children is rising sharply, not at a true crisis point. It?s something we worry about as parents, and rightfully so. Especially when we?re talking about a marginalized population like neurodivergent kids. Conversations with our kids about suicide are paramount, but often avoided because it?s a really hard topic to think and talk about. 

In this episode, Jonathan Singer, Ph.D., LCSW joins me to talk about suicide. As an expert in the field, Jonathan shares the latest statistics, why the epidemic is increasing, and what we can do about it. He also provides examples of the conversations you should be having with your kids.

Parents and teachers often worry that if they help a kid with lagging executive functioning skills that the kid won?t develop skills for independence ? that they won?t be able to function on their own. But, the truth is, you can help a child with functioning skills and teach them independence skills. The first step is to replace doing things for the child with doing things with the child.

In this episode, we talk about the difference between helping in a way that is enabling, versus helping in a way that is empowering. You can support and still teach a kid to be independent. In fact, that?s what good support actually does ? it helps and empowers. Listen in to learn how to support a kid who struggles with time management, task initiation, planning, and organizing while also teaching skills and self-accommodations.

There is a LOT online about ADHD and autism. A LOT! How do you know what to trust, what to try? It can be tough, especially when you?re searching through a lens of fear and worry for your child. 

In this episode of Beautifully Complex, we offer some guidelines on knowing what to trust and considering what interventions are worth trying. We talk about ADHD medication, diet, brain training, and more.

You want to help your child. So you make some assumptions as to why they?re upset, why they?re not getting things done, why they?re avoiding or disengaging? You show empathy and validation with that info, still trying to help, and then your kid gets more upset and you can?t figure it out because you feel that you did everything right. The hurdle you tripped over may be assumptions and judgment. We have an opinion about why the behavior is happening and act on it as fact, when it?s really just a guess, at best. This causes so many issues. Tune in to this episode of the Beautifully Complex podcast to learn what assumptions you should make and how to check your judgment so you can actually be helpful more often than not.

There are some tough and scary things in life that we need to talk to our kids about: divorce, serious illness of a family member, moving, death of a loved one, to name a few. As parents, we don?t want our kids to be hurting and often default to sharing as little painful information as possible with them. But, we do them a great disservice with that approach. Instead we need to be open and honest with them in an age-appropriate way. 

What is age-appropriate for these conversations? My guest, Sara Olsher, shares a step-by-step process of talking to kids about hard things that helps parents have the conversation they need to have in a way that works for the child too. We discuss removing the unknown factor, answering questions, and talking about how the child?s day-to-day life may change because of this circumstance. Not only does Sara have the knowledge, but she?s developed the tools for this process as well.

Instead of viewing ADHD and autism through the medical model, we need to view them through a strengths-based model as the neurodiversity movement does. A strengths-based model uses interests and strengths to help with challenges. We talk a lot about it in terms of parenting and educating, but now it?s time to teach our kids to operate through a strengths-based lens. 

In this episode, Dr. Matt outlines the steps to help your child develop a strengths-based perspective specific to their own strengths and weaknesses. This puts challenges and non-preferred tasks through a lens that the child or teen cares about, making it much more doable. As Dr. Matt reminds us, ?Rising tides raise all boats.?

If there?s one thing parents of struggling learners understand, it?s that the IEP process is complex. Between the law (IDEA), qualifications, the IEP document, goals, measurements, and formal meetings, there?s a lot to know and navigate to ensure that your neurodivergent child receives the education they deserve (and have a right to).

In this episode, I?m joined by Master IEP Coach, Catherine Whitcher. Catherine shares insights on the IEP process,  two main strategies for IEP meetings and what to expect in those meetings, and all the facets of a student should be addressed with special education, not just grades and test scores. Join us to discover your voice of advocacy for your child. 

Biology influences behavior. Being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world does, too. The challenges neurodivergent kids experience at school and in their classrooms are tied to their neurological differences and how their bodies interpret their environment and gauge their safety. When kids don?t feel safe, they cannot regulate and they cannot learn.

In this episode, Dr. Emily King helps us understand the added layer of complexity that neurodivergence adds to a student?s school experience. We discuss the importance of regulation, choice, and interests in helping kids feel safe and helping their bodies be available to learn.

It?s easy to fall into bad patterns with our interactions with others, especially our kids. But a better relationship is always possible, as long as you make changes and do the work. In this episode, Sarah Wayland, Ph.D. is back with me to talk about making amends, repairing the relationship, and pivoting to more healthy and rewarding interactions.

Intelligence and learning and doing are different things. An individual can be highly intelligent and also struggle with getting things done or even with learning itself. When someone has both a high IQ and a learning disability, they?re referred to as twice-exceptional, or 2e. As you can imagine, this can be a struggle in school, as well as other aspects of life, because people tend to automatically think that an intelligent person is a highly capable person.  

I?m joined by 2e expert and counselor, Emily Kircher-Morris, to discuss the asynchronous development that leads to twice-exceptionality and how we can help 2e kids and teens self-advocate and create an environment for their success.

It?s the 6 year anniversary of the Beautifully Complex podcast so I?m looking back at some of the most pivotal lessons I?ve had about parenting neurodivergent kids. I?ve interviewed nearly 150 experts and also parented my son from young teen to young adult during that time. I?ve learned a lot! Listen in as I explain my six biggest aha?s and what they could mean for you and your child ? the interconnectedness of biology and behavior, pressure is actually a demotivator, rejection sensitive dysphoria, giving kids control, compassionate parenting, and asking for help.

Many neurodivergent kids ? including those with ADHD, autism, and anxiety ? can be quite aggressive at home or at school. To cope with and improve aggressive behavior, you have to understand why it happens. In a global sense, the child doesn?t feel safe, and acknowledging this is a great place to start. 

Tosha Schore of Parenting Boys Peacefully is my guest on this episode. In her work with families, Tosha helps parents discover the root of the aggression and work to diffuse it. Listen in to learn the three things you  must understand if your child (or student) is aggressive, common mistakes to avoid, and how to restore peace.

We?ve been busy recording the sessions for the upcoming Decoding Behavior Summit, March 3-5, 2023. In this episode of the podcast, Sarah and I reflect on the common principles and strategies we heard from the experts in this Summit, including your role in your child?s behavior, the importance of adult regulation, the transformative properties of a sense of control for kids, and more. 

The parenting long game is all about putting the right mindset and strategies in play so that kids can succeed and thrive. As parents, we often spend a lot of time in the ?yuk,? overwhelmed by what?s hard and negative. And we?re wired to focus on the negative as a means of protection. 

However, to parent with the long game, Rachel Bailey tells us that we have to shift from judgment to understanding. Judgment is often followed by a negative narrative we create. Understanding is often followed by the narrative that our child needs help. Listen in to get Rachel?s strategies to go from chaos and overwhelm to setting your child ? and yourself ? up for success.

It can be hard for our neurodivergent kids to find their path into adulthood. They often don?t yet know what they?re interested in pursuing long term, even after graduating from high school. The key is to support kids, teens, and young adults in exploring their interests, as actor and puppeteer David Bizarro illustrates as he shares his story with us. You?ll gain insights on the ADHD brain and that journey and leave with a sense of hope for your child?s future.

Low demand parenting doesn?t mean that we dismiss all expectations of a child and let them do whatever they want. Instead, low demand parenting means dropping demands and reducing expectations in order to meet kids with radical acceptance. AS Amanda Diekman explains in this episode, the purpose of the low demand life is to find ease and joy.

But how exactly do you shift from the high demand parenting that?s instinctual to most people to low demand parenting? Amanda explains that you start with radical acceptance and respecting the child?s boundaries. Listen in to hear her explain all six steps to shift to low demand parenting and see a transformation for your family.

The challenge of raising a child with differences in a mostly intolerant world is very real. There?s both joy and heartache, as Kaylor Taylor illustrates in her book, ?Canaries Among Us.? At stake in this quest to honor our kids? individuality, is the mental and emotional health of an ever-growing population of neurodivergent children. 

In this episode, Kayla and I discuss the injurious nature of being a misunderstood and different kid in rigid societal systems, such as education, including the lifelong impact on mental health, the ability to hold down a job, and even physical health. You?ll also learn what to do to advocate for neurodiversity and help the world celebrate differences rather than condemn them.