The Simple Sophisticate - Intelligent Living Paired with Signature Style

Rituals, whether designed by us solely for ourselves, or legacy rituals, or relationship or group rituals that involve others, give us more than can be imagined to deepen the quality of our life than we thought possible prior to fully engaging and incorporating them into our lives.

You may recognize Dr. Michael Norton's name, a professor of business administration at Harvard Business School, as he co-wrote a book I thoroughly enjoyed and often sited for over a decade on the effects of money and happiness with Elizabeth Dunn, Happy Money: The Science of Happier Spending (if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it, as their work has been sited on TSLL as well). Released just this past April, Norton's new book, The Ritual Effect, shares the research behind the effects of rituals on our daily life, and while he begins with sharing rituals' origins which we might often imagine when we hear the word, those "rigid, communal practices" which he describes as legacy rituals, the primary focus rests upon daily life and all of the potential benefits rituals can give us whether it be in our daily routine, or when we step into a new life chapter, or when we say goodbye to someone for any number of reasons, how we work, how we connect and strength relationships, how we design holidays with family and blended families, how to heal and how to recognize when rituals are causing the problem of division for example or exclusion.

For our purposes in today's episode we're going to focus primarily on exactly what constitutes a ritual, the importance of having them in our lives and where to incorporate them, as well as sprinkle examples throughout the conversation (so be sure to tune in to the audio version of this episode if you are reading the Show Notes here on the blog :)).

 

Find the Show Notes on TSLL blog - https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast380 

"We are not born with the secret of how to live [well], and too many of us never learn it. There is nothing cold-blooded or mechanical about it, but there are many things we have to learn to do . . . the first thing is to realize we've probably been looking in the wrong place. The source is not outside us; it is within." ?Mildred Newman & Bernard Berkowitz, authors of How to Be Your Own Best Friend

Befriend yourself and you have a friend for life.

This simple saying, often expressed, while true, is often not understood as to how it can be possible. But the most awesome news I want to share with you today is that you have had the answers to so much of the peace, calm, and clarity you have been seeking traveling within you all this time. How to tap into and what exactly are you looking for? That is what we are going to talk about today.

Inspired by a book that was written in 1971 Mildred Newman and her husband, both psychologists, Bernard Berkowitz, the title was originally How To be Your Own Best Friend: A Conversation With Two Psychoanalysts. Consisting of only 74 pages, their insights are shared, as this title suggests, in conversation form - questions followed by answers.

While little known when the couple originally self-published, it was with the help of author, screenwriter and director Nora Ephron, who upon reading the book quite liked it so she introduced the authors to her book agent upon which it then became a national bestseller (learn more about how she helped in this article published earlier this year). Picking up my own copy and zooming through it, I found common sense advice, grounded in approachable guidance sharing reminders and nudges of how we can help ourselves out but often are too timid to do so due to a variety of cultural circumstances and pressures.

As I read, the overlap of choosing to be your best friend and finding and experiencing contentment quickly became apparent, and having just wrapped up producing all of the filmed lessons for TSLL's Contentment Masterclass, as you will discover when you enroll, knowing ourselves and honoring what we find to be true for ourselves resides at the core of a fulfilling life. In the words of the authors, becoming our best friend is sage wisdom to follow. However, what does that look like? Being our own best friend? That's what I want to share with you today and the benefits of doing so.

Let's get started.

 

View the Show Notes on the blog: https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast379 

"Composting what was into what will be."

Mother Nature and the cycle of seasons provide endless life lessons and nourishing guidance if we are wise enough to heed her teachings.

More specifically, spring's arrival, the season as we all know that introduces itself after winter, the latter season of which for many of us can be frigid, keeping us more home-bound and bundled up far more often than we might prefer as well as to cause us to take stock of our home environment most directly and intimately.

It was upon hearing the statement above in a recent yoga class that I immediately smiled. Why? Well, there is much truth in this literal description of how compost is created and as to why it applies to our lives, it can figuratively be true as well. However . . .

We have to choose, and thus remember, to compost in the first place!

Spring gifts us with an abundance of wonderments and opportunities to apply what we have been investing in and working on during winter, or healing or resting in order to feel rejuvenated and reenergized. So not only do we need to remember to view winter as an opportunity to tend to what needs our attention, we must also be courageous enough to step forward into what that rest has given us.

Simply because we plant, water and fertilize a new plant in spring, or pot up a dahlia tuber in spring, doesn't mean the beauty we hope to come will appear in spring. No, it will not. The dahlias take around 100 days to share their first flower, but once they begin flowering, so long as they have been planted in their right conditions and the gardener keeps dead-heading, the blooms keep on coming until the first frost in early fall. This is beautiful reminder to be patient with ourselves and the changes we have begun to put into place, or the steps we have begun to take that will eventually lead us where we want to arrive. Spring is the beginning of the new journey, but we may not arrive where we wish to go until Summer or early Fall, but we will never arrive if we don't choose to compost first.

In today's episode we will explore eight instances in our life when unwanted moments have happened and how to compost them into something we do want. I welcome you to join us and tune in.

 

Have a look at the Show Notes for the episode, #378 here - https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast378 

Author and professor of computer science at Georgetown University Cal Newport's latest book Slow Productivity: The Lost Art of Accomplishment without Burnout details exactly how and where in our daily lives and throughout the year we can apply the Slow Productivity approach and why it works.

In today's episode I will be sharing with you 10 takeaways that caught my eye as areas of interest that I thought would interest TSLL readers/podcast listeners, and if what you discover here speaks to you, I encourage you to pick up the book as far more detail and information is shared. Throughout the discussion today, I will be dovetailing the ideas Newport suggests with how it overlaps with living simply luxuriously because as is made clear from the name given to his approach, the concept of quality versus quantity is the key thread that runs through Slow Productivity, something that TSLL Community is all too familiar as we individually cultivate our simply luxurious lives.

 

Check out the detailed Show Notes - https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast377 

The savviness of wise money management encompasses many factors, but one is an approach often overlooked or dismissed: Understanding the difference between a Good Value versus a Good Deal.

Here in the states tax season is upon us, and so many of us may have money on the mind even more than we usually do; however, I often find myself at the beginning of the new year assessing my monthly budget, determining where I am gaining value or unnecessarily causing more tasks and draining money. Ultimately, whenever I sit down to assess my money, my goal is to do so less often, knowing I have invested well, so I can go about the living of my life that I love and trust that my decisions will stand a long duration of time offering the performance, purpose or function I purchased it for.

In other words, I don't want to be shopping for my capsule wardrobe constantly, restocking and replacing worn out jeans that while a great deal, only lasted one or maybe two seasons. Likewise, I don't want to have to be taking my car to the repair shop frequently, or gassing up frequently or even replacing the car itself as frequently (more on what I am hinting at below in our discussion).

When we invest well, and apply the wisdom of purchase great value rather than falling victim to a good deal, we deepen the quality of our overall lives because however we enjoy living them, we can do so without surprise expenditures frequently arising.

Today, I would like to explore a handful of areas of our lives in which investing in Good Value vs. a Good Deal occurs, and to offer explanation as to why paying the large price tag upfront will save more money in the long run, as well as instances when a large price tag upfront is just welcoming more stress throughout the duration of your ownership. Let's get started.

View the Show Notes for the episode here ? https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast376

The concluding note to readers that author, yoga and meditation instructor Deborah Adele shares in her book Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga's Ethical Practice includes the wish that they become more skilled participants in the living of their lives. And with the wisdom she shares in her book, she provides them with the tools to do just that.

Having shared various insights here on the blog gained from her book, specifically in this post about the simple conscious everyday choice that leads to true fulfillment, and as we conclude the two month-long series of 'new year, new life' as you continued along the way to making the change you set to bring to be as the new year began, I wanted to explore two simple, yet powerfully crucial habits that will make the difference you seek inevitable.

A skilled participant.

In order to be 'skilled' we must know the skills that would be beneficial to acquire. And in order to embody being a participant in our lives, we must be engaged, we must act, we must take part.

While we have covered multiple skills throughout this podcast, here on the blog and in TSLL's books (and will compile and detail them all in a linear approach to cultivating contentment in TSLL's upcoming Contentment Master Class video course), the two skills, I want to talk about today are simple to adopt and when we do, the quality of our life and everydays is amplified for the better:

Choose to live instead of wait. In other words, Living vs. Waiting - choose the former. Choose to savor rather than to rush. In other words, Savoring vs. Rushing - again, choose the former.

Let's dive into each of these in more detail . . . 

Check out the Show Notes for this epsiode on TSLL blog - https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast375

Bonjour à tous !

Just last week, I concluded FR 105 with Washington DC's Alliance de Français, a Zoom/online course that met twice a week, two hours each time since just after Thanksgiving.

You may remember that Part Six of this series was shared during TSLL's Annual French Week which shared what I had learned through FR 104 and 103, and now it is time to share some progress!

Thankfully, there has been progress and while I chose to take Everyday Situational French this fall due to my travel schedule, this once-a-week meeting provided me the opportunity to keep the French language on the tip of my tongue before I could dive back in to the regular course work.

Some of what I share will be from the Situational French course, but most of it was learned during FR 105.

I am tickled to share that while my French definitely has a looooooong way to go, the ease I am feeling constructing basic sentences with a few different tenses delights me to no end. Last year at this time I was nervous and hesitant to attempt to say anything slightly different than what I said the week before when the professor would greet us, but now I at least can speak without hesitation and share what I did over the weekend.

With that said, with growth comes growing pains, and I had a few moments throughout the past 10 weeks of frustration when it just wasn't making sense; however, I have a new-to-me professor, she being French and also a long-time educator, I was and am so grateful for her expertise and professionalism. She pushed, but then lightened up and stuck with us when she could tell we were struggling. In those moments, she encouraged us to keep trying and then doubled down on reviewing that particular difficult piece of the language to ensure the concept was acquired. As a fellow educator, what I observed was a keen awareness demonstrating her skill of both the language and how to teach it based on where the learner was and not holding true to the lesson plan if the class wasn't ready to move forward. I am eager to step back into her class when courses resume later this month. I have made it to FR 201! (We now are enjoying a two week vacances.)

Tune in to discover 13 things I have learned so far in French class. 

View the Show Notes ? https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast374 

"Part of art making is living your life in such a way that your work gets done, over and over?and that means, among other things, finding a host of practices that are just plain useful . . . a life lived within productive patterns. The life of a productive artist becomes filled with useful conventions and practical methods. And in truly happy moments those artistic gestures move beyond simple procedure, and acquire an inherent aesthetic all their own. They are your artistic hearth and home." ?David Bayles & Ted Orland, authors of Art & Fear

In unforced or unexpected moments, ideas, solutions and connections appear at the forefront of our mind providing a sense of relief, exhilaration and celebration we may have never thought possible.

Such wondrous moments indeed do seem to the onlooker and to the unaware individual to appear magically, and while there will always be an element involved beyond our control, the good news is we have far more contribution to ensuring such ahas happen and happen more frequently than we may have initially thought.

The paradox of being a professional creative in any field that must produce work outside of a robotic construct, so this stretches well beyond that of a traditional artist, although most certainly, this need of creating an artistic hearth and home is essential to an artist of any medium, is that the day and life needs to have structure in order to create the freedom to discover and then to bring to being that which is discovered by the undistracted mind.

From writing to parenting, to teaching to engineering, to designing whether in clothing, décor or in the graphic arts and even to leading or managing people in any career field, creativity, remaining open to receiving the ideas that wish to be discovered, is present and powerful. And it is up to each of us to nurture an artistic hearth & home for it to be discovered on a regular basis. Because it can be.

As we continue to move through the first weeks of the year, our intentions remain clear and all of our efforts, each small regular change of habit contribute to the bringing to fruition the change or outcome we seek. Most importantly, we must enjoy the journey in order to remain upon it which is why I wanted to bring today's episode/post to you.

When we thoughtfully and with intention curate our sanctuary to be an artistic hearth and home, we not only provide security and safety for ourselves to reside throughout our days and in-between our trips to work and life outside of the home, we also create warmth which encourages us to grow, expand and evolve in ways we have never been but now know is the next best step, the step that keeps niggling at us to let be and to stop holding back out of fear and doubt.

So how do we go about cultivating an artistic hearth & home?

Tune in to discover the 10 nourishing ideas.

https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast373

 

We explore the topic of rituals frequently here on TSLL (explore all of the posts and episodes shared thus far here), and initially it may seem redundant to do so again in today's episode/post, but as I have experienced in my own life, my appreciation for the benefits and happiness deepens and therefore I understand even more fully the power of carefully choosing rituals to tailor to the lifestyle we love living.

It is in the tailoring that our daily lives and future outcomes we hope will materialize have the opportunity to enrich our experience and bear the fruit we have envisioned. As the saying goes, when we know better what will nourish us well, we then can do better, and such is the case with carefully chosen and savored rituals.

First, let's look at the five characteristics of rituals before we take a look at examples you may want to add or adapt to suit your everyday life.

 

View the detailed Show Notes for today's episoe (#372) here - https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast372

Whether or not snow has fallen come December, the warmth and cheer of good tidings appearing about town, the neighbors, in the shops and arriving in the mail by way of the annual Christmas cards sent from friends and family living near and far always wraps me in a figurative hug.

This year, similar to last year, I will be spending Christmas at home in Bend, Oregon, and it is exactly where I want to be. And leading up to the festive day has been and will continue to be sprinkled with intentional activities, pastimes and nibbles that create a festive, cozy atmosphere I feel most fortunate to be able to savor.

Each of us will go through seasons in our lives, stepping out of old chapters and into new ones when we embrace our courage to welcome what is awaiting to be given to us, and such is the case for me that I am delighting in quiet Christmases.

As Nigel Slater eloquently writes in The Christmas Chronicles, in his delicious, image evoking prose, "Christmas is celebrated by Christians and non-Christians alike. It is a cultural event as much as a religious one". I share the rest of the quote in last year's holiday episode - #347 if you want to have a look, but part of why Christmas and the entirety of November and December is treasured by so many is that it is celebrated around the world and it is celebrated by people of a variety of different beliefs or non-beliefs, and that is a reason to smile and appreciate the season all the more.

Perhaps inspired a bit by Beth Kempton's beloved book that I know many TSLL readers have enjoyed and return to reading each November and December, and adding to the list shared last year, episode #347, that included 9 Ways to Savor Christmas at Home, Alone, Simply Luxuriously, I wanted to share today's episode of how to savor a quiet Christmas with as few or as many people as you desire, and reveal how these thoughtful ways to enjoy this special time of year, while not extravagant, complex or even requiring money, can bring a deep richness to the season, making it all the more special.

Let's take a look at the list.

Visit the Show Notes: 

https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast371

"My mission in putting the single at heart on the map is to rewrite what it means to be single. Single life, to those of us who are single at heart, is a joyful place, a place to learn and grow. It is a big-hearted, expansive, meaningful life full of possibilities . . . intimacy, to us, is personal; in that domain as in all others, we follow our hearts rather than the cultural rulebooks. We chart our own life courses, with meaningfulness, psychological richness, and authenticity as our guide." ?Dr. Bella DePaulo, author of Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life

Joining me on the podcast today is a guest who has courageously chosen to share that she thoroughly and unapologetically savors living a single life. The leading expert on single living, Dr. Bella DePaulo dispels the myths that pervade modern-day (and historic) cultures around the world when it comes to being single by looking at the research that is often cherry-picked and misleading as it speaks to in what type of relationship status one finds the most happiness. But most importantly, in her new book that was just released yesterday December 5th (2023), Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life, she focuses on an abundance of findings that reveal the many benefits of living single. From improved health and deeper life satisfaction as we age.

Thankfully, so much of what is portrayed in media - films, books, television, pretty much everywhere - is not an accurate depiction of where and how happiness is found. By no means is Single at Heart an anti-marriage or anti-couple book, but rather a book that reveals that those of us who have chosen to be single, who find it far more fulfilling than being in a traditional couple, need only trust our inner compass to continue to choose the life that brings us fulfillment. As she points out, the world would be far more peaceful and content if we would trust what we know to be true of ourselves - those who wish to be in a couple would find people who truly wanted to be in a couple, and those who savored their single life would not feel forced to choose a life that was not nourishing.

Tune in to today's conversation where we will talk about the priority and value of freedom as well as benefits of solitude for the Single at Heart, and also speak to how those who are widows/widowers, as well as divorcees, can step into a new chapter of revelation about where and how joy can be cultivated. Dr. DePaulo discusses the importance of nurturing The Ones rather than just The One and reminds us that courageously saying we love our single life is what is needed to change the view that the culture errantly holds on to.

Satiation.

To completely satisfy your appetite, whether it be literally, therefore with food and drink or figuratively as we seek to fulfill our needs in all immeasurable areas of life.

To equate contentment with satiation is somewhat accurate except that satiation requires us to engage with something outside of ourselves, to choose well, to know much about what and why we are pursuing it, and thus to know ourselves and physiology well. Granted, the 'knowing ourselves' is a shared cross-over between contentment and satiation if we are to attain either which is why when I began to ponder today's focus of making our everydays taste better, I naturally began thinking about the literal sense of 'taste' as it appeals to our palate, but then began to expand the breadth of 'tasting better' as it pertains to how we move through our days - the decisions we make, the structure, the rituals and routines.

And with holiday feasting just around the corner as well as a new year that often brings with it a reassessment of how we are caring for our health, I thought today's episode a wonderful topic to explore because we really can eat well and deliciously all year round, thereby elevating the taste of our everydays.

Let's take a look at simple, yet dependable ways to ensure what you cook and eat will satiate your appetite.

 

Visit the Show Notes for episode: 

A quiet confidence, an ease of being. A deep joy of living each day.

To consciously find ourselves in any of the three states of being above, it will have taken much intentionality, effort, patience and compassion. As well as strength, courage, kindness and trust. And these are all actions given to ourselves, let alone to the people and environments we engage with along the way to reach each or all of the aforementioned states. However, as Steve Jobs succinctly shares above, once you arrive at the simplicity, you have gone through much complex exploration, and it is because you have gone through that exploration that you know, absent of ignorance, that indeed what that true simplicity is and how to attain it. It is then at that point you really set yourself free and yes, his metaphor is apt - you will be able to do things you may have never thought possible, experience things you once thought only resided in your dreams.

When The Simple Sophisticate podcast premiered back in September 2014, in the first episode, we dove right into sharing the eight pillars of living simply luxuriously (the most downloaded episode in the show's history); however, I think we are long overdue for sharing exactly what constitutes someone who is a simple sophisticate. And while I concisely shared a definition on the podcast page: The simple sophisticate is someone who prefers quality over quantity, sensible living over mindless consumption, personal style instead of trendy fashions, has an insatiable curiosity for life?s endless questions and a desire to live a truly fulfilling life rather than being led around by the nose, and the term itself 'simple sophisticate' has simple in its title, but it is in fact a complex concept, a destination and a way of living that takes time at which arrive; however, once we arrive and attain clarity in the understanding of what a simple sophisticate is and experience it first hand, the benefits, the elevation of the quality of our life, we then wholeheartedly understand the invaluable, yes, complex journey of self-discovery and self-growth we needed to travel in order to arrive at a state of being a simple sophisticate. And similarly to living a simply luxuriously life, the pillars for being a simple sophisticate are concrete, but how each of us embodies and welcomes them into our lives will be unique to our own life journey, and nobody will be exactly the same.

So to be clear, a simple sophisticate is not a simpleton, and in fact, polar opposite of such a descriptor. A Simple Sophisticate, as we will share in detail below, chooses and acknowledges that many lessons and skills are needed to be able to experience the deep contentment within, but in accepting this truth, now has a focus that will lead through the temporary complex journey in order to arrive at a state of simplicity, a dynamic resting place of clarity, inner peace and a quiet confidence in how you go about your daily life.

So remember . . .

"Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it." ?Alan Perlis

And it will indeed follow it if you are willing to grow, to stretch, to explore, to let go of control and find comfort in uncertainty. Let's take a look at the 14 characteristics of a simple sophisticate:

"The fastest way to a good life, is to slow down." ?World Institute of Slowness in Norway

Walking into a beautifully decorated home, an abode that welcomes you, gives you a hug and invites you to stay without saying a word takes time to curate. And even those homes that someone else has curated and we feel this way when we walk across the threshold into their home, it is their home, and not our own, filled with choices, items and details that they will appreciate more deeply than we ever could, even if we can understand why they appreciate it.

All of which is to say, curating a home for ourselves that gives us a hug each time we return home will take time, and so it is in our practice of patience and trust that the house will reveal what we need in time so long as we live consciously and feel our way honesty through living well in our homes, that we gradually begin to see and then feel how wonderfully loving and comforting a slowly decorated home can be to elevate our days and thus our lives.

Now, if you when you see the term ?slow decorating? you think to yourself, but I want to feel comfortable in my home now. I cannot live without basic comforts. I hear you and I completely concur. Which is why it is important to keep this approach of slow decorating in mind even more. Suzanne Imre from Neptune shares, ?Slow decorating is about planning, considering, refining. It?s about having a strategy. A direction of travel, which helps clarify those decorating decisions (light or dark? Nickel or brass? Wood or tiles?). And it?s about enjoying the process as much as the results.?

And so it is with today's episode/post, I would like to give you 10 tips to provide exactly that, your strategy moving forward.

Choosing to go the route of slow decorating is also a planet-friendly approach. Imre goes on to say, ?This slower method also supports the desire for sustainability and preservation. If you have an unhurried approach to furnishing your home, you?ll likely buy less but better. And those pieces will have longevity.? This concept of quality over quantity has been the founding principle of living simply luxuriously and what inspired the TSLL blog coming to be, and it is just this concept that will serve us well, but also the planet should we choose to trust that with time, many benefits for many entities, ourselves, talented artisans, and the environment will be enjoyed. 

While I have known this concept to be worth putting into practice and have put it into practice with the three year journey of customization of Le Papillon as shared in this episode, I saw with my own eyes how choosing such an approach over years can create an amazingly special place when I had the opportunity to stay for a week at British interior designer Rita Konig's North Farm in Durham, England.

Britain is calling, and if it is calling you as well to hop on an international flight and cross the Atlantic or the English Channel, or whichever body of water you will have to cross to arrive on British soil, this is an episode I think you will find helpful to ensuring you have a wonderful trip to your destination.

So that I don?t repeat myself, I wrote and shared a detailed 17-point list on how to prepare for international travel in episode #183. This list is for traveling anywhere internationally, not just Britain, but it is definitely a list I always refer to before I head out the door at Le Papillon to France or Britain.

Today what I would like to share with you are more specific tips and insights for traveling to Britain specifically so that you can enjoy the journey to your accommodations as much as the trip itself once you arrive. 

Assuming you have your passport all squared away as well as your Global Entry pass should you wish to utilize this swift admissions through security, let?s talk about everything else (again, for general preparation for international travel, check out episode #183).

"Our world is dominated by algorithms ? by data collection that steers us toward a limited set of products and designers who have paid for the privilege of coming up first in our search. The result is that our taste has gotten . . . only more homogeneous, more limited." ?Rachel Tashjian, style contributor to The Washington Post, in her article Whatever Happened to Having Taste?

The primary reason I wanted to begin with this quote is because the reality is all too real: good taste is often hard to find, and much of it has to do with remaining inside the box. Often this 'box' is the one we see frequently on Instagram, Pinterest or TikTok.

Enter interior designer Heidi Caillier, someone who didn't and doesn't play by the rules of social media, who didn't follow the trends, and trusted her own voice and eye.

To walk into a home curated by someone with exquisite taste, time seems to vanish, and the primary emotions one feels are comfort, awe and appreciation even if we don't know at all how they did it. Somehow, it all just works. A symphony of hues, textures, pieces, and details that appear as though they just belong together to welcome the residents of the sanctuary home each time they cross the threshold.

I remember seeing interior designer Heidi Caillier's work for the first time. It was the cover story of Rue Magazine in 2019. Caillier had designed a Seattle cottage guided by the charming Scandinavian aesthetic - simple, yet cozy, unique, yet functional, and with thoughtful touches of vintage to create a feeling of nostalgia. I became even more intrigued when I saw her work on a handful of Arts & Crafts houses both in California, Oregon and across the country on the east coast. Heidi was speaking my language (she embraces wallpaper!), as she incorporated the aesthetics that reminded me of English country with modern sensibilities for living well and thoughtfully. Check out a few of the homes here (one of my favorites - the kitchen!), here and here. And her entire portfolio here.

As Caillier is also someone who lives in the Pacific Northwest, in Tacoma, Washington, part of my intrigue was her home base as rarely had I seen an interior designer from PNW that has their own aesthetic that wasn't wed to the stereotypical Portland or Seattle modern trends that never quite captured my definition of timelessness or comfort, or even warmth. With delight and immediate appreciation, I began following her on Instagram as she share glimpses into her projects as they begin, are in progress and eventually are completed. As she shares in her new book, just released on September 5th, Memories of Home, the portfolio shared in the pages of the book tells stories that are "nostalgic, romantic, creative, playful but sophisticated, and so incredibly comforting." All the boxes in my ideal of a sanctuary are ticked with that sentence, and indeed each home showcased demonstrates her objectives have met their desired results with each client's home shared, including her own.

As timing would have it, the topic of good taste, and the seeming lack thereof arose this month in an article written by style contributor to The Washington Post Rachel Tashjian, as I was pouring through the pages of Heidi's new book, it became immediately clear she understands and brings forth good taste in each of her homes, but how does one do that? Even if we don't hire someone or are unable to work with the talent and expert Heidi provides, how do we curate a home, and in very much the same way, curate a wardrobe and a life that is not guided by algorithms? Well, I think that question in and of itself is a great place to start. Let's take a look at eight key aspects of curating good taste when it comes to our décor.

Prevention versus correction.

For a few decades now, or perhaps more than a few, stress management has been the term of phrase often used as we find a culture, and more specifically, ourselves nearing or reaching burn-out whether in our jobs or life in general, and while bringing healing and remedy to something in our lives that needs our attention for improvement is certainly valuable and a necessary skill to learn should we find ourselves in this state of fatigue and chronic stress, preventing such a state from ever being reached is a far more beneficial approach, and gives us much more enjoyment and yep, contentment for a far longer time throughout our life journey.

Similarly to stress management is time management, a term of phrase again that is used often but actually brings our attention to the wrong place. Living simply luxuriously is a drilling down and investing in quality over quantity, and this includes how we go about our days. Time management shares directives on how to squeeze more into the day, but energy management teaches us how to thrive throughout our entire day, something the former doesn't prioritize although it does keep it in the equation.

And here's the important detail to keep in mind, energy management is going to be unique to each of us because we are each unique individuals traveling during different periods of our life journey, experiencing different chapters of our life, so to focus on time management is to focus on a logical, concrete approach, but we are not stoic, robotic individuals. We have ups and downs in our moods, our physical abilities, our mental strength for focus, will-power, etc., and that is why shifting to energy management will actually solve the issues that stress management and time management are trying to address, but also ensure you are honored for the individual that you are.

Let's take a look at six habits to consider when managing your energy well through the day in order for you to thrive, enjoying each day even attending to tasks that are have-tos.

When I knew I would be sitting down to chat and catch up with the lead vocalist of the jazz band The Hot Sardines, Elizabeth Bougerol, I knew our conversation would be enjoyable, inspiring and much like taking a drink of refreshing water that leaves you energized, hopeful and inspired. And indeed that was the case. ?

To talk with Elizabeth, now our second time (listen to episode #157 for our first conversation), is to talk with someone who knows and is passionate about her craft and the genre of jazz; in other words, the history of jazz. And it is because of her passion, along with her unquestionable talent of being born to do it, paired with fellow co-founder of the band Evan Palazzo, the pianist of the ensemble and his equal passion and talent for what they do, that more and more people who tune in to The Hot Sardines' music, and attend their concerts, are discovering and loving jazz all over again or for the very first time as you will learn about in our conversation.

Not only will she talk in detail about a handful of the songs on The Hot Sardines' new album C'est La Vie (released wherever and however you enjoy your music on August 4, 2023), but we'll talk about the difference between French jazz and American jazz which I found fascinating and also further revealing as to why I am enamored with the French culture.

We will also go beyond the album to talk about work-life balance, what it's like to perform on stage while pregnant and how she answers the ever common question often raised, oddly, nearly exclusively to women who work, about Mom Guilt. I so enjoyed her answer, and I think you will as well.

Lastly, we talk again about finding the courage to pursue a passion project, and she offers advice to anyone who is considering doing so but maybe hasn't taken the leap just yet.

I do hope you enjoy this episode which will also include three clips from the album that offers both French and English tracks, originals written by Bougerol and Palazzo and covers of beloved jazz favorites.

Now to the episode!

Buy the new album C'est La Vie from The Hot Sardines here

Links mentioned in the episode:

Visit their website - hotsardines.com

Listen to our first conversation in 2017, episode #157

Watch and listen to The Hot Sardines in Confess, Fletch

Listen to their album French Fries & Champagne

Correction: my favorite track mentioned in the intro, Wake Up in Paris, is found on their first album - The Hot Sardines

Follow The Hot Sardines on Instagram here

Listen to Elizabeth Bougerol partner up with Bob Parins in a duet covering Edith Piaf's classic "La Vie En Rose".

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CvZzLNTgc05/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Listen to our first conversation together back in 2017, episode #157, talking Passion Projects, Jazz, Being French at Heart & Living in the Moment

~Explore more episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

Photo credit of Elizabeth Bougerol above captured by Shervin Lainez.

Explore all posts shared during TSLL's 8th Annual French Week here

"I still have yet to discover a secret ingredient that has been proven to ensure a long and healthy life?well, not one you can put into a blender, anyway. But I can help you discover the secrets of true health and happiness . . . they're based on a simple shift in perspective."?Gladys McGarey, MD, author of The Well-Lived Life: A 102-year-old doctor's six secrets to health and happiness at every age

Born in 1921, Dr. Gladys McGarey's life journey began living and experiencing the life truths she later learned contributed to her living her long healthy and happy life. A doctor in holistic medicine for over 80 years, Dr. McGarey's life story in childhood and young adulthood reads like a history book now taught in classrooms. In 1930 as a young child, while on a train from Delhi to Bombay (now Mumbai) with her family who was returning to the states after having lived in India for some years, she witnessed Gandhi's historic salt march. As she worked her way through school and became a doctor, she battled with cultural norms of where a woman's place should be, and as life continued to unfold, having honored what was speaking to her about what brought her to life even when others disagreed, she continued to witness truth after truth of the medicine one receives when they trust their heart.

Released on May 1st of this year, Dr. Gladys McGarey's book is a treasure of inspiration, backed by science of the power of honoring your language of how you find life in living. Below I will be sharing 11 insights and ahas that she teaches that perhaps will inspire you to trust what your heart is saying even if you don't know what will transpire.  

"Part of what makes mysterious happenings possible is our belief that we don't know everything . . . I cannot overstate the importance of keeping a sense of wonder about the world as we age. It is what keeps us young. Our souls benefit from our holding on to the idea that we don't know what's going to happen next."

Let's get started.

1.Find your life force

"To be truly alive, we must find the life force within ourselves and direct our energy toward it."

Dr. McGarey calls it our "juice" and explains that "the process of finding our juice that keeps us vital". She shares that in many Eastern philosophies "there is a certain energy tied to well-being", two terms used to describe this are prana as well as chi. Western philosophers often use the term purpose or motivation. She continues to remind that while finding our juice and cultivating it won't "ensure perfect health, running out or losing our juice is often a major obstacle to feeling good".

When we don't find our juice, both our mental and physical health start to wane. Finding what your juice is may shift and change over your life journey, but keep yourself in the process of finding what lights you up, what makes you feel energized when you are engaged in whatever it is you discover. That is your juice. That is your life force and it is immeasurably powerful to living well.

Multiple studies at the University of Michigan Health and Retirement Study "observed a link between a high sense of purpose and decreased mortality in adults over fifty." Similarly to what Dr. McGarey shares, when we find what is our purpose, our calling, our prana, whatever term you want to give it, the world receives this positive energy, and not only is our well-being improved, but so too is the world's. Why? "The joy [finding our juice] brings to our lives will ripple out to the world around us".

2. Know this to be true: You are as you are and that is an awesome thing

"We're supposed to be shaped precisely as we are, because that way we can fit together. It isn't anyone's job to judge the shape of anyone else's piece, and in the same way, it isn't useful to try to make ourselves more or less like anyone else or to worry if they judge our shape."

What Dr. McGarey then reminds us is for each of us, knowing that we are made the way we are for a reason to give something awesomely unique to the world, to contribute positively in a way only we can, it is our responsibility to find it, embrace it and share it because "each of us is essential". And when we tap into our truth, our true self, we inspire others to do the same in their own lives.

"When we feel ourselves click into the whole puzzle, we become part of the pattern of life. When this happens, we exchange juice with the world around us. Our juice flows freely, and we have more of it than ever before."

3. Multiple streams of 'juice'

"We're able to connect with life best when we get juice from multiple places. A puzzle piece doesn't just click in on one side; it clicks in on two, three or four. What that looks like varies from person to person ."

When you find your juice, you may think it will be one thing, but in actuality, our life is full of multiple sources of inspiration and energy, and each, when consciously chosen using our self-awareness to ascertain what fuels us and what drains us, we can cultivate a life full of juice. From our work, to our relationships, to our hobbies, to how we nourish ourselves. McGarey speaks in this section about how the 'should's from the culture that surrounds us can make us involve ourselves in life choices that 'should' be the best choice when such advice is incorrect, even though perhaps well-intended. Her example that she uses is choosing to be a parent. While she herself loved and loves being a doctor, she also loved and wanted to be a parent. Being both during the mid twentieth century was scoffed at, but to her, working as a doctor was her juice, but so too was being a parent. She dismissed what others said was 'best' and honored what gave her energy. But raising kids and being a parent isn't going to be a source of juice for everyone and that is vitally important to understand. I use the example of being a parent because it is a common one purported as including, "well, of course it is exhausting - that is what parenting is!" But I say this most sincerely as a teacher who met many hundreds even thousands of parents over my 20-year tenure - for some people it drained them, for others it lifted them. It isn't being a parent that is the medicine for a happy life, it is choosing what is discovered to be your juice and for some that is parenting, but not for all.

I so appreciated her pointing this out and sharing her own experience as a parent that indeed, it isn't something that everyone will find to be their purpose and honoring that is vitally important to living well. For me, I knew this pretty quickly, but I was amazed, especially more upon reflection, how adamant society was to tell me I was wrong, even though they had no idea what made me fill inspired and full of energy. That is all the more reason to trust your own journey, your inner voice, your soul as many call it, and keep searching until you find your juice. You will know it when you come across it, and as mentioned above, there will be MANY things that will give you juice. Explore, delight and include them in your life as you will. Some will remain in your life your entire life journey and some will only be a part of your life for a chapter or two, and understanding this truth demonstrates you are living consciously and are aware of what fuels you and what drains you.

4. Embrace movement - physically, emotionally, spiritually

"Understanding the power of movement can get us through almost anything. It's a sacred truth that helps us in our hardest moments."

From stuck energy to blocked adrenal glands, movement is needed to bring us to good health. Studies continually demonstrate that physical movement, simply walking briskly for ten minutes, increases life expectancy, and such physical activity helps us move through stress and even depression. Why? Through physical movement, the brain is signaled "to release feel-good hormones and these have profound effects on both short and long term health." From our mood to how our brain's cognition improves, movement is good and that includes forgiveness to release stuck emotions, moving through fear, anger and disappointment is beneficial to our mental health, and thus why understanding how to become aware of our thoughts is crucial to understanding how they either impede or improve the quality of our life. If the former, it is time to make a move to learn something new to change what is thwarting our ability to let go of certain emotions we are stuck in.

5. Understand a necessary transition period may have to be traversed

Dr. McGarey points out that when you do find your juice, it is likely that you will have to, in order to do what you love doing, what brings you to life, "go through a transition in life. It shows us who we really are. This may require us to make a change, start doing something new, or stop doing something we've done for quite some time".

It may not be a dramatic change, but merely a changing of the stories you tell yourself, how you engage with the world or the habits you have been incorporating into your daily life, but it may be a significant change - a job change, relationship change or shift, a move. When you find out what you can uniquely give to the world and what the world engages with as you give a positive contribution that only you can give, you come to see that indeed you have a gift within you that needs to not be tucked away. Dr. McGarey writes "our search for juice connects us to the greater question of why we're here?" She goes on to address that this is regardless of whether you have a formal belief structure or not, so whether you are spiritually or religiously inclined, atheist or agnostic or anything that guides you in life. When you find your 'why' you have found your juice and that is the 'medicine' for a healthy and long life IF you choose to engage with it.

Sharing that after her own divorce from her husband who she had been married to for decades and shared six children, it was when she stepped away from a marriage, that for some time was filled with much love and goodness, that "life got a whole lot better from there . . . I became who I had always been meant to be." It is when we cling to what we know that no longer serves us or never served us that cause us pain and prevent us from healing. And the healing can only take place when we embrace our life force and trust what it will bring into our lives.

6. Bravely be love

"Our life force is activated by love."

Fear is inevitable in life, in many forms, but it is when we choose to remain in this state of fear that our lives are adversely affected. Dr. McGarey reminds that "Fear destroys our sense of reason, making it impossible to see things clearly."

And here is the good news. When we acknowledge fear, but don't linger in this state of feeling, but instead take action, either through asking questions, asking for help, or at the very least stop digging more of a fearful hole for ourselves by spiraling into more worry, we begin to step ever closer to finding our juice. You will appear fearless, but not in a daredevil way. But rather, as McGarey writes, as "a person who approaches life with an open heart."

When we open our hearts, we are opening our lives to love. It can enter our lives in any number of ways from the kindness experienced from others, a smile, or support as you make your intentions known and bravely pursue your calling.

7. The importance of self-love

"When we refuse to love ourselves, we shut out love from everyone else, too . . . Self-love is not pride at all. It is gratitude for the life we have been given."

When we finally remember that we have always been lovable, "that is when we become "love-able". In other words, "self-love is the basis of all love". This will require us to step away from, let go of, choose differently so as no longer to include, parts of our life that want us to believe we are not lovable or not wonderful just as we are, that what lights us up is wrong, or lacking or not enough. Dr. McGarey uses the example of the tumor that needed to be removed when she had breast cancer, in order to be loving to herself, to give herself life, she had to remove the tumor. Instead of fearing cancer, she honored herself and her body, by being loving and removing it.

She goes on to talk about telomeres (the end caps on our chromosomes), and how studies have revealed they are affected by our thoughts. Simply put, positive thinking, which involves the thoughts we think about ourselves and whether or not we are deserving of love, beginning with regularly giving ourselves love that includes honoring what gives us vitality and juice, "does affect the way our genes express themselves, which can have profound effect on both our health and our experience of being alive."

Wow! IF that isn't a reason to cultivate a life of vitality and honoring our true self and purpose, than well, just wow. :)

Thoughts create images in our mind, and depending upon what those thoughts are, we are either healing or hurting ourselves. Our life force, as discussed in #1 is a powerful healer when we embrace it and welcome it into our lives.

8. Connect and contribute what you uniquely can

"Life comes from our connection, is supported by our connection and creates connection. We are happiest and healthiest when we are contributing to and drawing from our collective life force."

Positive social connections are crucial to our overall well-being and good health. And when you have found your life force and are bravely sharing it with the world, more energy is created. On the flip-side when you are drawn to others because of what they are giving to the world, you're connecting with them, and supporting their journey is equally energizing to both parties.

The key is yes, connect, but connect through what you can uniquely offer. This takes bravery because you are making yourself vulnerable, but you are also tapping into supporting others in ways you may never know which is why when someone or something speaks to you, supporting them genuinely in ways that are welcomed and you can partake is a priceless gift given and received.

With that said, finding friends, again creating connection, is awesome medicine, but also not something to be rushed or forced. McGarey suggests start with your neighbors and then move on to people you work with or network with at work by simply being kind and curious.

When you are living your life force in everyday life, more serendipitous meetings will occur, "pushing new people your direction", we simply need to remain open to seeing them. With that said, we need to actively be aware of how we feel and how our juice or life force responds to new people that cross our path. If anybody is draining our juice, this is when we need to honor our boundaries.

9. The importance of boundaries

"Setting boundaries starts with knowing who we are and what we came to do. We must first understand what gives us juice and what drains it, because that shows us what's on our soul's path and what's interfering with it."

Boundaries is a topic we have talked about in depth here on the podcast (episode #343), so I encourage you to listen/read that episode/post for specific tips and tools for understanding how to set and know what your boundaries need to be. However, to begin with, in order to have the right boundaries, "we have to know ourselves really well" as Dr. McGarey shares.

Boundaries in our life are a bit different than boundaries as we understand them when it comes to sovereign states for example, but not really if we look more closely. Boundaries are set to honor what we need in our life to flourish, and as we grow and change, and life and other people are dynamic as well, our boundaries will change also. But it is essential that we are the ones moving them, not anyone else. For example, another country cannot tell their neighboring country that the boundaries will change (i.e., the former mentioned country decides to take more land without permission). Nope, that is not how boundaries in our lives work. We have to, upon knowing and discovering what we need, set our boundaries and adjust them as we recognize they need to change to continually support our life journey of living well.

10. Life reflects what you give

"When we contribute positively to our collective life force, our individual life force benefits. We find greater purpose and meaning in our days. We understand not only that we are part of a greater whole but how we are part of that whole. We align with what life intended for us to do all along."

If you are at a point in your life where you feel life is just not going your way, it is hard, it is constant struggle, and you have lost trust in others, yourself and/or the world, ask yourself the following questions as listed by Dr. McGarey:

If you feel unsupported by those around you, are you truly supporting them?

Are you contributing to the world or pulling from it?

Are you offering joy and positivity to the world around you?

Can the community trust in you?

Are you able to maintain strong boundaries regarding where you put your attention and still find the friend in everyone?

She reminds us that "community is a give-and-take relationship" and we can't come to the community with an 'ask' or a demand for a specific outcome. We actually just have to show up with our true selves give with loving kindness while honoring our integrity and while we have clarity in our own life journey, having set intentions because we know ourselves, we can simply let go. We don't know how the support will show up or who you will begin to work with that will involve trust, but so long as we engage with self-love (knowledge of where your boundaries are and why they are there) as well as our life force that brings us to life, we are becoming part of the collective force that creates the healthy connection we need to live well and live a long, lovely life.

11. Lessons are everywhere and in everything

"We live our best lives when we approach life with curiosity and desire to learn from everything."

Something that was the subject in a recent Monday Motivational post is the idea that even when things look like they may be falling apart, they may actually be trying to help us if only we shift our perspective to see this truth. When we realize that there is a helpful lesson to learn even in unwanted events, the quality of our everydays and thus our entire life changes for the better. McGarey shares, "Life always has new teachings to offer us if we can find the courage to look for them."

Admittedly, it will take great courage and inner strength to look for the wisdom that is hidden in the unwanted. But when we choose this path, we are helping our health. Why? "We are moving our attention away from suffering and directing it back toward life". Remember earlier in the list when we talked about movement? If we stay stuck in focusing on what isn't working, what is unwanted, we are not helping ourselves, but stopping life from happening, from moving forward. "Seeing everything [as a teacher] helps us make our life a living, breathing process."

Now you might be thinking, well, that is just too Polly-Anna positive for me, Shannon. But I beg to differ. It is actually more realist than anything else. It is accepting what is and choosing to use it for fuel to constructively move forward to give you life rather than drain your life. McGarey concurs, "True optimism isn't toxic, because focusing on the positive does not mean denying the negative. It does not mean we dissociate from our pain, whether it's physical or emotional, or pretend that things are okay when they aren't. Instead, it means we look for what's wonderful anyway. We allow what hurts to hurt while continuing to search for the lesson in it and be grateful for the teaching."

12. Understand what true health is: Steer your energy toward life

"True health is about living with the world around us as an engaged, participatory experience."

Encouraging readers to 'spend your energy wildly', Dr. McGarey teaches that once we have discovered and embraced our life force, we have an abundance of energy, and now we can spend it by enjoying our lives. And because we gain energy by embracing our life force, we have much to spend as we engage with the world, and so bravely, "tap into [your] deepest knowing", let yourself be who you are and give what you can uniquely give. It will energize you in return and create a wonderful give-and-take relationship that will continue to give you life. With that said, we need to step toward and engage with "things that feel good and help us grow".

What energizes you may not energy someone else in the same way or at all. Reminding us that each of us has to find our own rhythm that works best for us, as well as remembering to adapt to it as what we learn and as life unfolds reveals is best moving forward.

And don't forget, choosing to and needing to rest is indeed an action. We all need to rest. This is a nourishing self-love practice that is necessary. Some may say resting is being lazy. Dr. McGarey disagrees writing, "Being lazy is when we withhold our life force from the collective; it's when we hold back, refusing to give, refusing to participate. This drains our juice. The purpose of resting is just the opposite. When we rest, we're consciously dedicating our energy toward what's most important to us."

13. Turn toward life, your life and what makes you come alive

"Learning to listen to our own inner knowing is the key to discerning, in any given moment, how and where to invest our life force. And it takes truly living to understand this. We're meant to interact with our lives. The work of life is simple: We must try and fail until we succeed."

A truth that is shared repeatedly here on the blog/podcast and in different phrases and words, but all are focusing our attention on the truth that you have something that makes you come alive within you. Find that, and you find your path forward. You won't know what the path will reveal, but follow the vitality that you receive, remember to get to know yourself along the way and apply that knowledge to the decisions you make about what you will explore, who you will dance with and also carry with you the knowledge that, as Dr. McGarey reminds, "you are right on time". Your health depends on you bravely and with an open heart and mind stepping in a direction that brings you to life.

The Well-Lived Life: A 102-year-old doctor's six secrets to health and happiness at every age by Gladys McGarey, MD

Explore the book, The Well-Lived Life here.

Petit Plaisir

?And Just Like That, season 2

Tune in to the end of today's episode to hear a detailed review of why I recommend the second season of And Just Like That on Max, addressing the critics of the show and sharing why this season dovetails wonderfully with the topic of today's episode.

https://youtu.be/0Tqd9aKxuik

~Explore all of the episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

The journey of customizing Le Papillon, my house and home in Bend, Oregon, since September 2019 has provided much opportunity for learning both about the actual and practical purpose of home remodeling and decorating but also for self-growth. Over the past nearly four years, an abundance of experiences, discoveries, lessons and ?wow? moments have been collected which is why I wanted to share today's detailed and lengthy (90 minutes) episode with listeners of The Simple Sophisticate podcast.

As I share at the beginning of today's episode, while it has been a dream of mine to customize my own home, I never actually planned to spend the past four years doing so, but the timing and opportunity presented itself to continue moving forward once my first "must-do" project (the kitchen) was completed, and now with the installation of the front porch screen door you see a glimpse of above, the journey is complete, and I am eager to share with you 33 lessons I have learned throughout the experience, so that you can confidently and more enjoyably take part in your own customization of your sanctuary that will, when you dare to trust what you discover and learn how to do what is needed, provide priceless refuge, rejuvenation, inspiration and joy for the life that brings you deep contentment.

No doubt, the journey had its headaches, stresses and questions along the way (for example, when will the bathroom ever get done!), but I share here and in the podcast episode, without any hesitation, it was worth it, to be able to call home and live my life now in a home that works with me, nourishes me and helps me feel secure but also confident enough to try to soar and explore when I step out the door into the world.

So let's begin! In the Show Notes below I have only included the 33 bulleted points and left the detailed conversation, examples and ideas solely in the audio section as otherwise, this post would have been very loooooong. To thank you for your patience as there was no new episode on the 1st Wednesday of this month, I have two Petit Plaisirs to share with you today, and I look forward to sharing those with you at the end of this post and episode. Now to the episode!

 

 

~Explore more episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

"We think love has to be obtained, earned, achieved, and received. We look for it in the form of attention and compliments, and people acknowledging us. But actually the greatest way to experience love is to give it." ?Jay Shetty, author of 8 Rules of Love: How to Find it, Keep it, and Let it Go

A simple formula to love is to be it and it appears. However, this seems either too simple for some of us or to not produce the 'type of love' we had in mind. Such thinking, to have a narrow definition of what love has to be in our lives to be fulfilled, or to refuse to let go and just be instead of chasing, demanding, swiping or requiring, is to get in our own way when it comes to living a life, every single day, full of love.

Because guess what? Such a life is possible, and it is part of what living simply luxuriously is all about. In fact, it is at the core, because as I will share today, it all comes down to finding peace with ourselves, embracing our true selves and engaging fully with the world without expectation. But again, we are being asked to do less, not more, to look inward so that we can engage lovingly outward as well as lovingly toward ourselves. We are being asked to be honest about what makes us feel loved and stop engaging in practices that result in anything but.

Visit the Show Notes on the blog The Simply Luxurious Life - https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast360

Author and philosopher of contemporary living, Alexandra Stoddard has published 28 books since she began in 1974. Continuing to be a source of wisdom, inspiration and sharing through how she lives that curiosity and forever being a student of life elevates our lives regardless of age, she joins me in a special episode to talk about her life's work.

Our conversation of more than 75 minutes covers a wide breadth of content that she has written about over the years, and it's all grounded in how to live well, cultivating happiness and contentment, mindfully living in the present moment and how that daily practice changes for the better so much about all that we cannot control in daily life.

From discussing the importance of rituals, to living a life grounded in paying attention to what our senses observe as well as how one can have a happy death as she speaks fondly of her late husband to whom they shared a loving marriage for over 40 years, we talk about many of the topics that are fundamental components to living a simply luxurious life, a life of true contentment. I do hope you tune in and hear the enthusiasm and genuine love of life Alexandra Stoddard embodies and no doubt will inspire in listeners to do the same in their own lives.

 

~Explore all episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

 

The book I wanted and needed to read.

Repeatedly, indirectly and directly women and the entire society at large are told that aging is bad, and it is especially an unwelcoming reality for women, but is this true? Fashion Director for The Times London since 2015 Anna Murphy recently turned 50, and in her new book (being released on May 30th in the states; in the UK it was released in March) Destination Fabulous: Finding your way to the best you yet, disagrees wholeheartedly with this false truth that women have begrudgingly or willingly accepted and explains exactly how each year, each decade can usher in more fulfillment, more life satisfaction and thus more contentment.

She joined me from London last week before heading down to Mexico to take in Dior's Cruise presentation, and we had a lovely conversation about everything from the benefits of doing the hard work of getting to know yourself, how your style can bust clichés, the benefits of being age agnostic, how living our best life does physically affect our skin and visage, as well as the false promises made my anti-aging procedures, plus so much more.

We begin our conversation with why she is the happiest she has ever been, and with that, I will encourage you to tune in to our conversation. I do hope you enjoy.

Links Mentioned in the episode

Clear Spring's Genmaicha Tea

Fortnum & Masons

Hyde Park

Victoria Park

Elizabeth Jane Howard, author (explore all of her titles, including her memoir here)

@jackmartincolorist, IG

The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck

Follow Anna Murphy's work on the following channels:

The Times, London (explore all of her articles from most recent) Fresh Take on Classic Craftsmanship at Dior's Mexico Cruise Show, May 22, 2023

How I Shop the High Street (corresponding image above), 2018

Twitter: @annagmurphy

Instagram: @annagmurphy

Explore Anna's first book: How to Not Wear Black: Find Your Style and Create Your Forever Wardrobe (2019)

~Pick up Destination Fabulous: Finding your way to the best you yet by Anna Murphy (2023)

Anna Murphy's book was the inspiration for a Monday Motivational post shared earlier this month.

The Key to a Beautiful and Fulfilling Life: Invest in Your Interior Self and the Exterior Begins to Shine Naturally

~Explore more episodes of The Simple Sophisticate here.

~Explore more British-inspired episodes here.

~Explore more Signature Style posts here

Explore all Previously posted content from TSLL's 5th Annual British Week

Images courtesy of the author and The Times, London

Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is a fairly new identifier to describe anyone who is highly responsive to their environment. This high responsiveness can appear in a variety of ways and different arenas of our lives - physically, emotionally, in relationships, simply going about our days and interacting with the world around us.

In 1996, American clinical research psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron wrote her seminal book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive in a World That Overwhelms You, and it was in this book that term HSP was coined. Author Jenn Granneman joins me to talk about her new book on this topic of HSP, a book that includes new research that furthers supports Dr. Aron's findings, as well as exploring history revealing that this gift has always been with us, we just didn't identify it until recently, and welcoming in specific insights and tools to elevate this awesome gift that can indeed deep the quality of our entire life.

Jenn Granneman's book, who she co-authored with Andre Sólo, Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World was released on February 28, 2023, and quickly became a bestseller in the category of Popular Psychology Studies and was recently chosen by Amazon's editor's as the Editor's Pick for Non-Fiction.

Today she joins me to talk about what HSP is, the misconceptions, how being HSP is actually a source of strength, how to approach relationships and the work place as well as talking about why she hopes this book starts a Sensitive Revolution.

~Explore the book: Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World by Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo~

Explore Jenn Granneman's websites on HSP and Introversion below, as well as other links you might be interested in:

Sensitive Refuge, blog centered on the topic of thriving as an HSP Recent post: 27 Things You Do Because You're a Highly Sensitive Person

Jenn Granneman on IG: @jenngranneman

Introvert, Dear, blog centered on the topic of thriving as an Intovert The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World, book

episode #171: The Secret Lives of Introverts, my conversation with the author Jenn Granneman: The Simple Sophisticate podcast

Podcast Episodes you might be interested in: episode #44: The Many Gifts of Being HSP

episode #315: Being in Love, Being HSP and Being at Peace with Ourselves and the One We Love

https://www.instagram.com/p/CsHX9A-ue3i/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

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"N'ayez pas peur."

And the formal lessons continue into the wilderness and beauty of the French language. Or should I say langue française.

And yep, we have just dove into to learning the imperatif form, and as the command directs above in French - Have no fear! Which is a great place to start because when we choose to learn a new language, especially as an adult, and anyone proficient in any field other than the French language, humility must be brought with us on the journey.

To trip over any new language we wish to learn, or any new skill for that matter, is a practice in being vulnerable, and being vulnerable is scary. It's scary to try to form the words and say them outloud, even if we have practiced and know the alphabet of our new language. It is scary to bravely raise our hand and attempt to answer a question when we know the answer may be a direct and frank 'no' from the professor. And it is scary to keep raising our hand, to keep speaking the new language, after we have mispronounced and incorrectly answered in the past which is why, it is imperative to hold this directive with us as we choose to learn - Have no fear.

After all, what is there to be afraid of really? This is when we need to set our ego aside, take the many (many!) corrections from the professor and just keep trying, just keep speaking and gradually, ever so very gradually, improvements and a depth of understanding as our long-term memory begins to hold this new language in its arsenal of knowledge it draws upon when we least expect it to be easy to grasp, the new language becomes easier.

I write the words of encouragement for you, readers and listeners of the blog and podcast as much as I write them for myself because it is a slow journey, but all of a sudden, I will find myself in moments grasping and understanding what to say and how to say it when in the past such an occurrence would never happen. And it is in these moments, I know that the regular effort, vulnerability and bravery (and mental exhaustion) are worth it and are paying off.

Today, we return to the series of what I have learned so far in French class. A journey that began in 2016 as I shared in Part Quatre just a couple of months ago (visit that post/episode #349 here) and is continuing as I begin FR 104 (A2.2) with Washington D.C. Alliance de Française having begun with them FR 101 in September 2022. Part Quatre brought us to the mid-way point of FR 102, so today's episode will focus on what I have learned as FR 102 concluded and all of FR 103 which wrapped up in mid-April.

Admittedly, FR 103 is when I felt I was in brand new territory as up to 102 I had a clear awareness of present tense, the numbers, basic 'get to know you' phrases, and had been exposed to the components taught, but needed to polish them as well as fill in a few of the fundament gaps (proper pronunciation of the alphabet for example!). So now I am in the thick of new knowledge, and my head is exhausted each week, following each day of classes (two, two hour classes each week). However, well, I am getting ahead of myself. Let's take a look at the list of what I have learned so far in French class . . .

1.The mental exhaustion improves with time

As I shared above, when FR 103 began, with a new professor who has high expectations and uses every minute of class, after each week and each class, my mind was exhausted; however, that was the worst of it. In other words, my mind was working in a way it had not, and therefore, had to 'get into shape' by being stretched. Now, yes, I still have mental fatigue, but part of me is used it, but the other part of me knows, my mind as it pertains to learning the French language, is getting better toned and used to searching, remembering and applying the new knowledge. All the more reason to hang in there and keep attending class, keeping signing up for the next class.

2. Être, Avoir, Savoir, & Vouloir are the only verbs that are irregular in the imperatif

As hinted at above in the opening quote, we've begun learning the form and function of the imperatif! And it is really quite simple, especially when I discovered (and it makes sense logically) that there are only ever three forms of the imperatif for conjugation (tu, nous, and vous), and so long as you know your Present tense forms, and memorize the four new irregular forms of être (to be), avoir (to have), savoir (to know) and vouloir (to want), you know how to properly use/write/speak the imperatif!

What is the imperatif? The exact same thing imperative is in the English language, a command or direction given with an understood subject (so the sentence begins with the verb).

3. How to communicate time properly (formally and informally)

A simple concept, but knowing how to form a sentence when asked the time is slightly different compared to English, but it is quite simple. The key is to remember to once you begin speaking the time formally (military time) to continue to do so - only numbers, no phrases; and when you speak heure informelle, then you can use the common phrases - midi (noon), minuit (midnight), moins le quart (less than a quarter - 15 minutes), et demi (half past), etc.

4. What "liaision" and "enchaînement" are as they pertain pronunciation in the French language

Large, odd words, but all they are, and they are very important if we want to pronounce the language correctly, is how the sound of the word changes due to the words around it.

Enchaînement: What is affected? Words that begin with "h" or a vowel.

How is the pronunciation changed? If the word that precedes the word that begins with the 'h' or a vowel ends in a consonant sound, then the speaker must combine the words and drop the last consonant sound of the first word, combining the sounds into one.

EXAMPLE: neuf heures ?alone, you would pronounce 'neuf' as [nuf], pronouncing the 'f' sound; but when the word 'heures' follows as it begins with an 'h' or a vowel, you drop the 'f' sound and pronounce neuf as [neuv] leading into 'heures'.

Liaison: What is affected? words that end with a vowel sound and the next word begins with a vowel or 'h'

How is the pronunciation changed? Pronounce the consonant of the first word that previously was not pronounced.

EXAMPLE: trois heures ? alone, you would pronounce 'trois' as [twah], not pronouncing the 's'; but when the word 'heures' follows, the 's' is pronounced and is pronounced as a [zzz] sound.

5. How to construct passé composé

Finally learning the past tense (aka the passé composé) was a big step in my learning journey of the French language. And it is soooooo much simpler than I had anticipated. While I won't teach the entire lesson to you, the key is knowing that every single conjugated verb will be preceded by either être (conjugated to fit the form) or avoir (conjugated to fit the form), and there are only approximately 15 verbs that use être (simply memorize them), and the reset all use avoir.

Below are the fifteen verbs that use être, and how I remember them is they are all verbs in which they describe a change of state or motion. Now do note, not EVERY verb that involves motion or a change of state uses être, but all of these in this list fit that definition.

entre (to enter)

sortir (to exit, go out)

monter (to go up/to climb)

descendre (to descent)

passer (to go/to go pass)

rester (to remain/to stay)

retourner/tourner (to return)

tomber (to fall out/to fall)

arriver (to arriver/to reach)

partir (to leave/to depart)

aller (to go)

venir/revenir/devenir (to come/to come back/to become)

naitre (to be born)

mourir (to die)

Extra one: déceder (to be deceased)

And then, the verb that follows has a fixed ending for all forms (je, tu, il, elle, on, vous, nous, ils/elles, which comes down to memorizing, but most, if they have a certain ending in the infinitive form (i.e. -er, -ir, etc.) end in the same ending for that form. For example, my list captured in the image below:

6. Passé composé is easier than I thought and gives me so much flexibility in constructing phrases

It is worth reiterating that again, what I thought prior to learning was incorrect. I just needed to be taught by someone who knew the language. Once I had the knowledge, great progress in communicating was made and ease experienced knowing I could share what I had done in conversation, whatever that may be!

7. Positive encouragement and praise are wonderfully powerful no matter what the student's age

It has been a fascinating experience being a teacher who taught for 20 years and stepping into someone else's classroom who is the expert on a basic subject - the fundamentals of a language. Apart of the skills they are teaching and I am trying to learn, the energy and connection a teacher brings to the space determines the probability of their students remaining in the class, believing they can do it and the confidence to try.

As well, a teacher is a human being, and it is easier to notice when my professor is exhibiting an immense amount of patience, restraint and strength to keep us accountable, so I empathize and try to be aware that she will have good days and not so good days, but what I appreciate about my current professor is that she wastes not one minute of our class time, and is determined to teach us the language.

There are moments when it is clear that teaching a lower-skilled class to students such as myself and being someone who knows the French language superbly as my professor does, gets to be a bit 'why don't you know this?!' at times, and whether through their repetition of the skills we are just being introduced to, her patience is a bit lacking and I know that for my confidence in learning the language, I could use a bit more acknowledgement of my effort and willingness to try to speak out or try to speak. However, in those moments, it is also a very helpful exercise for myself to set my ego aside and dig down and choose to learn than to take it personal. After all, I can honestly say, she is the best and most knowledgeable and capable of explaining the language clearly professor that I have had in my 20+ years of trying to finally learn this beloved language, and I am grateful these classes and the quality of classes are available.

8. Le Passé Recent

While we just received a taste of how to construct the recent past (le passé recent), so anything that has just happened, seeing the formula for how to construct the phrases, knowing that all it is is the simple formula: use the verb Venir (to come) in the present tense + de + le verb de l'action a1 l'infinitif form, reminds me that I simply need to bulk up my knowledge of vocabulary with a variety of verbs I might need or use.

9. Hearing the language spoken first without the transcript is key to eventually (and more quickly) comprehending what you are hearing, even if it is more uncomfortable initially

When FR 103 began with my new professor, she quickly told us (gently scolding us) to not look at the transcript when we were listening to passages that we were trying to decipher what was being said. I can remember in FR 101 being so perplexed that other students were able to easily understand what was being said on the first go-round and even stating my confusion in class, but what I didn't realize was that they were reading the transcript as they listened and the professor had not told them not to, so why not? Not the case in FR 103. Our professor - Olga, pointed out emphatically that if we are going to understand what we are hearing more quickly, we need to first hear it (without peeking at the transcript), struggle with what we hear, and similarly to the mental fatigue that is intense initially, it become easier more quickly than we might realize.

Needless to say, lesson learned. Nobody is looking at the transcripts anymore and struggle with audio comprehension is expected, so long as we try.

10. Just 10 minutes a day of studying, everyday, is better than hours sporadically

Another quick tip Olga shared with us was to make sure we practice or study at least 10 minutes each day on the days we don't need to complete any homework or in between class sessions - our two week breaks, for example. As opposed to studying intensively for a couple of hours, but not doing so regularly, we will actually acquire the language more quickly through consistent, short efforts.

11. Phrases for moving a story along chronologically

d'abord (first)

en suite (further then)

puis (then)

après (after)

en fin (finally)

12. Vocabulary for frequencies of occurrence (la fréquence) et l'habitude

jamais (never)

parfois (sometimes)

souvent (often)

toujours (always)

tôt (early)

en retard (late)

d'habitude (normally)

en général (generally)

chaque (each)

13. Reflexive verbs aren't as scary as they seem

FR 103 began with reflexive verbs. A verb whose direct object is the same as its subject. For example, se lèver (to wake up); se doucher (to take a shower/wash oneself); se brosse les dents (to brush one's teeth); se coucher (to go to bed); se preparer (to prepare oneself).

Once I learned where the reflexive pronoun (me, te, se, etc.) needed to go in the formation of the sentence, and in negated sentences, it was just a matter of remembering the reflexive verbs.

Simply by writing out these lessons has been helpful to remember all that was covered over the past two+ months, and now the journey continues forward. And while of course, there is guaranteed to be times in which I scrunch my forehead up and scream inside because it isn't coming quickly or at all, I also know that at the end of each class, I am grateful I am there. I am proud of myself for trying, and over-archingly I am following the directive seen below in the imperatif form, to have fun. Because if there is any class I would want to be enrolled in right now to learn something new, it is the French language, so I know I am exactly where I want (and need) to be.

"Faites-vous plaisir."

Look for Part Six late this summer.

Merci pour la visite! À la prochaine, bonne journée!

SIMILAR EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY

episode #349, What I Have Learned in French Class, So Far . . . Part Quatre

episode #276, The Art of Mise en Place

episode #248, 12 French (or Set in France) Feel-Good Films I Love (having premiered in the past 10 years)

~Explore all of TSLL's French-inspired posts and episodes.

Petit Plaisir

?Chevalier, film

~Explore all of the episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

It all began with 18 months in Paris as a young woman more than 30 years ago.

Inspired by her time volunteering during the day at a Parisian floral boutique while she figure skated in the evenings, Sandra Sigman's life journey and approach to floral arrangements was forever changed, and thus began the unfolding of a dream.

In today's episode, author of the best-selling book in Floral Arrangements, Sandra Sigman joins me to talk about French Blooms: Floral arrangements inspired by Paris and beyond and goes behind the scenes telling more of the life journey, the highs and the lows that have left her grateful and celebratory for where she is today.

Sigman's floral boutique Les Fleurs in Andover, Massachusetts, continues to offer seasonal floral arrangements that draw direct inspiration from what she learned in Paris so many years ago. Whilst continuing to take regular trips to France to visit brocantes and antique fairs, Sigman's love for the country is abundant.

In our conversation Sandra will also talk about the French's sacred ritual of welcoming flowers into the home on an regular basis, just because, as well as go behind the scenes to the genesis of the book and how her friendship with Sharon Santoni, the founder of My French Country Home who makes her home in Normandy, France, played a role in many of the images found in the book (the image just below was captured on Sharon's property with her guest cottage setting the scene in the background; and her pup Ghetto is also captured in a few photographs as well). Also, the cover! Discover the cover story that took her to Paris to capture and why she felt it was important for this particular image to be the one we now see today.

And Sandra also shares how her mother holds a powerful role in the business venture both daughter and mother began together to open Les Fleurs so many years ago and how her spirit continues on in the work Sandra does.

I do hope you will tune in to listen to our conversation, and rest assured, a Petit Plaisir will be shared as Sandra extends ideas for setting herself up for a beautiful day.

 

Links from the conversation:

Visit Sandra Sigman's floral boutique online or in person - Les Fleurs

Brecks - Sandra's go-to for bulb shopping

Adelman Peony Garden (located in Oregon)

Chatou Fair - Antique Fair just on the outskirts of Paris

Marché de Rungis - the flower market that offers 5am tours

Sandra shared the green tea she enjoys each morning - Yogi Green Tea pure green decaf

Follow Sandra Sigman on Instagram @lesfleursandover. and @lesfleursviasandra Below are a few images and a video from her account:

   

 

~Listen to more French-inspired episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast here.

~Learn more about the show, The Simple Sophisticate podcast and download all of the episodes here.

 

"To have a good relationship with money, you must know who you are and what your purpose is in this world." ?Kate Northrup, Money: A Love Story

Find your purpose, exercise your courage and you are on your way to financial freedom. Simple AND true. Not easy, but definitely doable.

For many of us, we were taught (or it was modeled) that money and how to approach money successfully is to solely look at it logically, requiring tangible proofs in order to know we are successful - the amount of money in our checking account, a lack of debt, the amount we have saved in our chosen mode of savings, the value of our quantifiable assets - our home, our business, etc., etc.. Don't worry, I am not going to say, being without any money in the bank is okay as long as you have [insert whatever non-monetary example you have heard], because it's not true. We do need money to live and live well; however, to only look at the numbers is to dismiss the powerful engine of creating the financial freedom you seek. Our lives are not Money Ball. While a wonderful film and a very successful approach to winning in the game of baseball, when we only look at the numbers, we lose the core of what living well, a life of true wealth, is all about, to lose ourselves in the sole pursuit for more money or having a certain amount of money in the bank before we [insert your big dream here] is to live without trust in the universe, to live without trust in ourselves. Again, do not worry, I am not going to say, ignore money and pursue whatever fleeting fancy your heart desires and the money will follow, but sort of, I am, it just doesn't happen overnight, or within the window you would like it to.

When I picked up Kate Northrup's first book Money: A Love Story, Untangle your financial woes and create the life you really want, it was the book I was looking for for some time but I wasn't able to find it because likely, the most important lessons wouldn't have landed with such great effect. The truth about what financial freedom is while yes, having to do with the monetary concept of literally earning more than you spend, it also involves the fuel for making money and that is not logical or literal monetarily, it comes from finding and living a life of true contentment. And as we have talked about for years here on TSLL blog and podcast, stepping onto the path toward cultivating contentment begins with being courageous enough to get to know yourself, to dig in and learn the helpful skills that all of us can learn if we choose, and then with what we discover, being brave about the next step that may be entirely different, or even slightly different than the path we were originally on.

"As with any relationship, the key to dealing with your financial woes lies within." ?Kate Northrup, Money: A Love Story

The path to financial freedom, something that upon reading Kate Northrup's book Money: A Love Story, I discovered that what she shares overlaps in multiple ways with how to live simply luxuriously. 

First, what is financial freedom?

As Kate Northrup defines it, "To wake up every morning and do whatever calls to you, whatever the heck you feel like doing, is connected to your ability to feel free from financial strain and to be open to what your heart is telling you."

The moment I read this definition, I had specifics in my mind of what this looks like for me, so what I am going to ask you to do right now is to write in your journal, on your phone in the Notes section or anywhere where you will be able to check in and remind yourself when doubt seeking financial freedom is possible for you, what it is you want to be able to do without financial restrains holding you back? What do you want to be able to do that your heart is aching to do, but you aren't able to financial make it so? What would your daily life look like, what would a typical calendar year look like, so vacations, work projects, home life, etc.?

PAUSE - seriously, write this out somewhere. See your future life on paper. It can happen. It CAN be your life. It all begins with the story we accept as possible. And I want you to know, and tell yourself that it is so, that you can live the life that continues to speak to you.

Let's dive in to writing a Love Story with Money that brings you to a life of Financial Freedom.

 

A tidy sanctuary creates mental space to find calm more readily.

Upon walking into my home, Le Papillon, knowing and then witnessing that it has been cleaned, tidied and unnecessary items have been removed, whether that be emptying the recycling basket in the boot & basket room (aka mudroom), countertops are cleared of extraneous items, and the flowers are fresh, I breathe some of the deepest breaths I ever take during my days.

Distractions to the mind come into our lives in a variety of ways (I share and discuss 11 forms of distraction here), and one such way is clutter of items in our homes, items without a home, too many items, dusty, dirty, disorganized spaces, counters, windows, fabrics, floors, etc. No doubt, I am not sharing anything you don't already know. But how do we tend to our homes and still have time and energy to live the lives we want to live?

I will admit to being nearly totally in alignment with Simone Beauvoir's train of thinking shared in her book The Second Sex when it comes to house cleaning, ?Few tasks are more like the torture of Sisyphus than housework, with its endless repetition: the clean becomes soiled, the soiled is made clean, over and over, day after day.? And if there was a magic wand to wave whenever the house needed its regular clean and tidy, I would wave it without hesitation regularly and often. I recognize that some may find calm in the practice of cleaning, and that is fine; however, what would you do if your house was perpetually clean? Think of all the time and energy you would have remaining to do something constructive, explore a curiosity, read a book, rest your eyes after a long, grueling, yet productive week, spend more time with those you love, spend more time in your own company getting to know yourself better, take a longer walk with the pups, snuggle with your cat who is seeking your company after having been at the office all day.

I share the possibilities of what we might choose to do with more time, regular time consistently available, to point out that while cleaning and caring for our homes is a necessity, there are many different approaches to doing so well to gain the benefits of such a space that is our sanctuary. Apart from hiring a regular cleaning service which I have done in the past and may do again in the future, even if they come every other week, or weekly, we still can care for our homes thoughtfully as well as simply in order to enjoy all of the time we find ourselves in our abode.

And regarding the choice to focus on a small household, this can be viewed in two ways: whether small in square footage or living with only a couple of inhabitants (our furry companions count as family here on TSLL). So whether you live on your own as I do, with dogs or cats or entirely in your own company, with your partner, or are an empty-nester, living in a small household liberates us in multiple ways, and thankfully, requires less to clean and care for, giving us more time and energy to do so well.

One of the chapters in my second book, Living The Simply Luxurious Life: Making Your Everydays Extraordinary and Discovering Your Best Self, goes in to great detail about ?Living Small?, chapter 13, and one such reason is the reality that the smaller the space we call home, the less we have to clean. However, just because we may live, choosing to or not, in a small home doesn't mean the home can't be luxurious. In decoration, in organization, in consideration for everything, we can live luxuriously in a small home, and the beauty is, we have an advantage, we have less to clean, less to furnish, less to organize, now we just have to figure out how to do so wisely and with great savvy.

Back in 2011 I shared a brief post detailing what to clean and how often throughout the year in our homes, pairing with the post a free printable PDF of this cleaning schedule, but it was brief and that was more than 10 years ago, so with the prompting from a TSLL reader recently who shares her home with her husband and pets, sans children (similar to myself, sans the husband), I wanted to update and share with you how to clean and maintain your home throughout the year so that when Spring does roll around you don't feel overwhelmed by the 'spring cleaning' fever that often arises. And I completely get it. It feels good to freshen up the entire house, but I don't have the time and energy to do so all in one swoop once a year. Rather, what makes sense to me is a steady, smart approach both in how and what I clean and maintain to avoid large repair bills due to lack of attention.

Let's take a look at the list, and I will provide again, but this time the updated version, the free printable PDF schedule at the end of today's post/episode.

1.Begin with a home and its contents that you actually use and need

In other words, this is a one off, not a regular practice, but something to keep in the back of your mind after you tend to it when considering bringing in new items to the home. Ask yourself the following question:

?The stuff you own has to help you create the life you want. And if it doesn?t, why is it in your home?? ?Peter Walsh

As I look around my own home, small in square footage but large to the eye with its high ceilings and multiple south-facing windows letting in oodles of light, I will tend to this question room by room throughout the year. Honestly, nothing is on a schedule now when it comes to this permanent editing as I have edited quite a bit over the past four years with my move to my home and with the construction over the past three years. For example, my kitchen cupboards and drawers received a thorough edit during the kitchen remodel when everything was removed and stored in my guest bedroom. Nothing says, reduce and eliminate the unnecessary when you have no more floor space in your guest bedroom to put anything. Do I really need that [insert item that I have never used, not once, ever]? Below is a list of space, collections and items to seriously look at and judiciously edit:

Your bookshelves/library ? Keep only the books that yep, brought you joy, but also that are sound reference books, collector items, and books you want to have on hand for any reason - to share, to recall a particular detail, but don't keep books just to have more books. They bring more weight, take up more space, collect dust and reflect you inaccurately should anyone scan your book collection.

Your linen closet(s) ? bedding, dining, bathroom, cleaning rags, entertaining, blankets, etc.

Kitchen cupboards and drawers ? as you go through this process, especially in the kitchen, keep a notepad with you, listing any items you know you need more of because one or two is not enough as they tend to be in the dishwasher or utilized when you need to use them again, or any item you simply need. Be stringent with yourself about letting go of items that just take up space, don't do an effective job and need to be let go. It will make finding what you need when you need it far easier and make cooking in the kitchen more enjoyable.

Any drawer or cupboard where you store anything ? in other words, know what is in your cupboards and don't use them to store things you never use. It is okay to have an empty cupboard. Say that again, and don't be tempted by the need to fill it.

Clothing and coat closets ?The seasonal wardrobe assessment is a great idea and goes more quickly each time as you get to know and love what you have in your closet. The coat (and I should probably add the outerwear accoutrement drawers/bins/shelves) closet will need to be cleaned and edited less frequently, but make sure you know what you have, have what you need and donate the rest.

Épicerie/Pantry ?Listen to/Read episode #109 ? the 34 Must-Have Items for Your Home Épicerie, then read this post - 9 Ways to Organize Your Kitchen, Improve Your Health and Help Out the Planet

Tea/Coffee Cupboard ?In episode #7 of Season 3 of The Simply Luxurious Kitchen cooking show I share in the video a peek into my tea cupboard and how I organize it.

Candle Cupboard/Closet ? The suggested idea of designating an entire closet/cupboard to candles was the Petit Plaisir of episode #280. Assess what candles you have, what candles have never been used and why, donating those you will never use, and making a plan to shop and welcome in the ones you love when/if they go on sale, otherwise purchasing when it best fits your budget and often purchasing more than one to stock up.

Bathroom drawers/cupboards/medicine cabinets ? In your primary bathroom and any guest or powder rooms, be diligent and toss whatever is not used, has expired, etc.. As well, make a note of what you always need, what you are out of, would like to add to your toiletries to enhance your daily skincare and body care rituals and routines.

Your furniture (chairs, rugs, tables, beds, dressers, desks, mirrors, shelves, lamps, etc. - large and small) ? let yourself dream and be very honest with yourself. Where do you feel most at peace, comfortable, cozy, relaxed, productive, etc.. Based on what the function of the room is, do you feel what you desire to have created with your furnishings? Admittedly, once you have your list of what you need but don't have yet, it may take time. Have the patience because once you know how you want to live and feel in your home, the waiting is easier until you find and/or save up for what you know will fit perfectly in that particular space. Be a bit ruthless in letting go of items that don't serve a helpful or comfortable purpose and vow yourself to not just purchase filler items - an ill-made side table. Get creative with what you have to hold space until you have the ability to welcome into your home what you have on your list. Explore more specific décor posts here for customizing your home.

Now that you have clarity that you either have what you need, or know what you need and have let go of the rest, you have let go of some stress, alleviated some unwanted burdens on your ability to relax when you arrive home and are ready to more swiftly and intentionally clean your home regularly without it becoming overwhelming, and maybe even a bit enjoyable. ??

2. Daily simple habits that reduce the amount of weekly and monthly cleaning

When we are at the point of burn-out even the simplest task of picking up after ourselves can be taxing. I can remember more nights than I want to admit while I was both teaching and blogging that I was too tired to entirely pick up the kitchen after cooking dinner before I went to bed. I literally needed more energy and going to bed was a necessity over cleaning the kitchen. Don't worry, I would without fail, clean the kitchen in the morning, but that was a task that didn't help to begin the day well. Stepping into a clean kitchen, a clean home each morning is a wonderful way to start the day and I knew that, but I did not have the energy to make it my regular practice on certain days of the work week. All of this built up to show me that I needed to make a change, so I share all of that with you to acknowledge, you may have an extremely busy schedule, so much so you cannot tend to these tasks listed below each day, but when you do make the necessary breathing room in your life to tend to these habits daily, it has a beautiful ripple effect of reducing stress, increasing clarity and giving you the ability to make better, more constructive decisions so that you never find yourself in such a schedule again.

Okay, so what are the daily habits? In order of the day's events:

Clear the bedside table(s) of anything such as water glasses, opened books (close and restack neatly), etc., so it is neatly organized when you return to bed in the evening.

Make the bed

Empty the dishwasher (if you ran it at night)

Clear the table after breakfast (and after any meal), placing dishes in the dishwasher, not just in the sink. Run the dishwasher when full, or nearly full but on an eco-saver wash.

Wipe the kitchen countertops after each use of the kitchen.

Empty the trash when it is full.

Empty any recycling bins when they are full to their exterior destination for pick-up on their scheduled day.

Upon receiving/picking up the mail, immediately recycle any flyers/mailers/magazines you don't intend to read/use; open all letters and recycle the envelope and any contents you don't need. Place all mail you need to address in a designated basket or holder in the main room where you look at your mail. I do this in my Boot & Basket room and have a basket on the wall that is used for just this case (tour the room here). When it is time to pay bills or tend to business, I take the basket into the office.

Place your keys in the same spot every time you walk over the threshold of your home from outside.

Have hooks on the wall as necessary and/or enough hangers or bins in the coat closet/mudroom for your outerwear, dog leashes, scarves, umbrellas. Immediately deposit the items in their designated spot when you return home.

Have a designated basket/bin for your reusable grocery totes, preferably near the kitchen and/or near the door you exit when you head to the market/grocery so that you don't forget them or lose them.

Fold up blankets in the living room, snug, reading nook upon leaving the space.

Resituate/Plump the pillows on any chair or sofa you sat in upon leaving the room.

Clean as you cook: in between steps, not just after the meal is completely done.

Return tea trays or food trays back to the kitchen once you have finished relaxing. Don't leave it to be picked up later.

Vacuum as necessary throughout the week. I have a Dyson wireless stick vacuum which makes it super simple to grab, swoop across the floor and pick up any dirt or dust the pups may have brought in from a walk, pick up crumbs from the dinner I just made and with ease place the vacuum back in the closet. Once I purchased this vacuum (2019) I have come to enjoy cleaning a bit more because there is no tedious cord, no bending over, light-weight and dare I say, it almost feels magical how easy it is to tidy up. This keeps the house clean throughout the week and lets us live our lives as well. Here is a link to the one I have. A note about what you receive with the investment of purchasing Dyson vacuum cleaners as it was a step up for me price-wise and I pondered it for a while: The customer service is spectacular, swift, knowledgeable and helpful for any question I have had to learn the basics. Also, with a two year warranty on the product, it wasn't until four years later that my battery needed to be replaced, and it was easy to do with their customer service. Free shipping and a warranty on the battery. Simple video tutorials for how to replace and install once it arrived. The customer service has sold me as a lifelong client as their products are high quality, high functioning and help available when I need it at any time.

If you work from home, tidy up your desk top/office at the end of each workday, prepared for a clean slate the next day. Make sure to have a presentable garbage bin (small) in your office. I use one from The Citizenry, and while my style isn't no longer available, they still make many small baskets that are perfect for a waste basket.

10 Ways to Make Your Office Desk Space Efficient and Inspiring

3. Choose one day during the week, an afternoon or morning (early or late), that you can designate 1-2 hours to clean

Now, again, I am not someone who enjoys cleaning, and when I used to write this task in my planner, I sighed a bit because I would have rather been doing something else, prior to retiring from teaching, it would have been just having more time to relax at my home, now it is time to create, to explore, to be with my pups without a vacuum or a cleaning rag/mop in my hand. However, #3 on this list is a be a misnomer because you don't have to do all of the same cleaning tasks each day of the week, rather you are going to alternate a few. Let me explain.

It was an aha moment for me the first time I hired a cleaning service to regularly clean my house: they came every other week. And I thought to myself, how can I possibly wait two weeks to have my house cleaned? After all, for years I had attentively cleaned my house each Friday after work, no matter what I was up to later the evening or how long my week had been. Well, what I discovered was that if you clean it well every other week AND tend to the daily habits shared above, your house will be just fine, and you will be less stressed and have more free time.

What to do each week (every other week tasks designated as such):

Vacuum everything - the floors, hardwoods, carpets, rugs, upholstered furniture, pillows, window trims, etc.

Clean the stovetop (aka the hob). Get some good dish soap and water, some stainless steel cleaner if necessary (I use EZBrite as it is environmentally friendly)

Wipe down the fronts of the dishwasher, refrigerator (use EZBrite for these as well if they are stainless steel), cupboard fronts, and around the handles as they tend to get the most dirty from being touched frequently.

Every other week: Wipe down doors, near the handles to remove prints, etc.

Every other week: Dust (I used to do this each week. It is unnecessary.)

Every other week: Mop all floors. I used to do this each week, but no longer do. If it was a particularly dirty week, I will mop, but so long as I vacuum regularly, remove my shoes and wash the paws of my pups when we return from a dust-filled/mud-filled walk, the floors stay presentable until the following week.

Welcome fresh flowers into the house - between 1-3 small bouquets placed in the living room, bedroom, dining room, foyer or office, I either pick them up at Trader Joe's or source them from my own garden during the warmer months, sometimes picking one up at the farmer's market.

Clean/wash bed linens. Air dry the sheets to ensure they last longer, especially linen sheets - NEVER put them in the machine dryer as it is too harsh of heat.

Wash any regularly used towels - bathroom and kitchen.

Clean bathrooms that receive regular use, this can be done every other week depending upon how heavily the bathroom is used. For bathrooms used occasionally, monthly is fine.

Clean mirrors and windows/glass doors, removing fingerprints as necessary.

Go through the refrigerator, assessing prior to heading out for your weekly grocery outing.

Wash your dog/cat food dishes.

If you have a microwave (I do not), clean inside and the front window/door.

Clean switch plates for regularly touched light switches.

4. Quarterly/every 3 months/Seasonally

Many of the items on this list will come from tasks shared in #3 that don't need to be done as often depending upon how you live, or need to be done more frequently that are listed below in #5.

Thoroughly clean all trash canisters/recycling bins

Dust lamps, shelves, any place that can collect dust that you can't reach easily, or isn't seen or used regularly.

Dust computer screens - this may be done more frequently, but at least every three months.

Launder all blankets used in the living room or in snugs/reading nooks.

Clean/dust/wipe down items in trays and vignettes on top of console tables, dressers, coffee tables, etc..

Store seasonal décor in a clearly labeled box or bin and place where it doesn't distract and is out of the way (garage, attic, storage space).

5. Twice a Year, during a day or couple of days that you have energy, so ideally after a day you have been able to rest

One time of year I tend to many annual or semi-annual tasks is during the week between the years, that final week of the year when I am able to have time to myself and just rest, then be energized to tidy up which always feels good upon going into a new year. Here's the list:

Clean all windows ? inside & out.

Flip the mattress

*Clean and reorganize the pantry, this happens at least once a year, sometimes twice. As I become more clear about what I need and organized to refill when I run out as it happens, I have found tending to this once a year is enough.

Thoroughly clean the refrigerator - remove the drawers, the lining on any side shelves, and clean, clean, clean. If you have been assessing your fridge's contents each week, this won't be a difficult task and should only take about 30 minutes.

Clean oven thoroughly

Launder pillows - I cover my pillows with liners (aka pillow protectors) and then place the pillowcase over the top of those. This helps to protect the pillow itself.

*Wipe baseboards and moldings - this can also be done once a year depending upon the work you have had done in your home, how often you leave your windows open, etc..

Clean the kitchen range hood.

Clean the filter in your dishwasher.

Clean any bird feeders (this can be done more often if you have an active bird café).

Clean under and around any furniture that isn't regularly vacuumed or moved.

Clean the garage thoroughly, editing as you go.

Have the sprinkler system (if you use one), turned on in the spring and winterized in the fall.

Cover/Remove vent covers - for winterizing and then come spring remove and store.

Exterior hoses, watering cans, non-frost proof pots in the garden - drain all water and store.

Replace the water filter in your refrigerator or other water dispensing device (filter dependent).

Clean gutters - this may need to be done only yearly depending upon the amount of debris that potentially can fall into your gutters. I tend to do this in the spring and the fall.

~Nelle was my helper cleaning the interior of my stove recently. Learn more about why I chose Le Cornue for my stove here.~

6. Yearly as the time is right on the calendar/season for each task and your schedule

The yearly tasks will be dependent upon your home, climate, and other variables, but whenever you tend to what you need to, choose a time that works with your schedule, budget and the best time of year to tend to this task, if it requires, for example, you to be outside.

Service HVAC - this will prevent any surprises during the winter or the summer when you want to be able to trust your heat source or cooling source is able to work properly.

Clean your fireplace if you have a traditional wood-burning fireplace.

Deep clean any carpet and rugs, either done by a professional or on your own.

Have any curtains or hanging fabric cleaned.

Clean upholstered furniture (I sometimes do this twice a year depending on how heavily used each particular piece, and I do it myself with an all-natural cleaning product the cleaning company that used to clean my house recommended - Nurturals.)

Clean around dryer vents and any vents in your home (above your stove, for example), where they leave the house on the exterior as well.

Clean porches/balconies deeply, typically I do this in March just before I place my furniture back outside after being stored in the garage.

Test and/replace smoke alarm batteries - write the date on the battery when you insert a new battery so you know how long it has been in use. This will help you decide if you should replace it as no one wants to be woken up in the middle of the night by a dead battery.

Optional and dependent upon the city ordinances: Have your water back flow tested by an approved business (this is something we have to do in Bend if we live in the city limits).

Phew! Okay, just looking back at this list may seem like a tremendous amount; however, when what you are taking care of are items and spaces in your home that bring you comfort, calm and repose, it becomes motivating to keep them at their best which is why I began with #1. When we remove what feels like a burden because we never use it, it simply takes up space or holds memories we don't want to revisit, then tidying up does become more of a chore. Once #1 has been taken care of, and you spread out all of these tasks over a year, it actually isn't that bad at all. In fact, while compared to the list I wrote in 2011, this list is quite extensive, due to the fact that I have a far smaller house (nearly half the size) than I did when I wrote the previously list, all that I do is far less and done far better which ensures that I can space out the time between tasks or when I do them more frequently, not have that much work to do.

Compiling this list occurred on a wonderfully rainy day here in Bend which gave me much time to reflect on a year's worth of responsibilities, but also, as I wrote each one, I was also expressing gratitude, thankful to have a home to care for well. Which leads me to my final idea for creating more enjoyment of the task of caring for our homes, why not name your home? I know it may sound silly at first, but when we humanize the space that gives us life, safety, security, comfort, nurtures love and care, it reminds us that is more than four walls and in a way, a part of our 'family' so to speak, and that too helps in providing an internal motivation to care for it well.

And with that to ponder, wishing you a wonderful start to a brand new season with Spring?s arrival next Monday, the 20th. ?

~Click here for the free PDF TSLL Cleaning & Home Maintenance Schedule~

~Learn more about the benefits of becoming a TOP Tier Member.

SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY

22 Ways to Start Fresh!: Spring Cleaning to Welcome Mother Nature's New Year, episode #200

10 Ideas for Reveling in the Spring Season, episode #325

Why Not . . . Take in All That Spring Has to Offer?

9 Ways to Organize Your Kitchen, Improve Your Health and Help Out the Planet

Petit Plaisir

?Palais des Thé's Herboriste (herbal/tisane) Thés

"It's not a matter of luck or magic. This is simply how your brain works. So take a break every now and then, and let your brain do what it does best."?Michael Hyatt & Megan Hyatt Miller, authors of Mind Your Mindset: The science that shows success starts with your thinking

One of the Beatles most (of many) famous songs came to Paul McCartney simply upon waking up in the morning. As he did, at the age of 21, he was humming a tune that initially he titled "Scrambled Eggs", is better known as "Yesterday" (source).

The founder of Ikea, Ingvar Kampard, came up with the concept that lays at the foundation of the now internationally recognized company - "modular furniture makes home decor more accessible", when while working at a furniture store, a customer who had purchased items for their home could not fit it into their car and had to disassemble the legs from the table in order to drive it home (source).

And if you ever wanted to thank the person who made it easy and fuss-free to have your caffeine boost in the morning, thank German Melitta Bentz who, tired of "percolators prone to over-brewing coffee, espresso-type machines leaving grounds in the drink, and linen bag filters being tiresome to clean" came up with the drip coffee machine using "blotting paper from her son?s school notebook". Patented in 1908, her grandchildren continue to head the "Melitta Group KG with some 3,300 employees in 50 companies" all for a simple idea that no one had thought so simple before: patented under the title ?Filter Top Device Lined with Filter Paper?(source).

Aha Moments can pertain to any number of areas of our world and lives. Yes, they may prompt us to come up with a promising business idea, much like Sara Blakely and Spanx, but more often, aha moments are seemingly out-of-nowhere discoveries that pop up in our minds that give us clarity, insight and/or direction about something that speaks to our true self. Webster's dictionary underscores and elongates the enumeration of what we are gifted with in such moments:  a moment of sudden realization, inspiration, insight, recognition, or comprehension.

And I don't know about you, but these moments, these Aha Moments with a capital "A" and "M", are a thrill to experience. The dopamine no doubt floods our minds and the joy and lightness in our step feels spontaneous. We figured it out! What ever the "It" might be. Who wouldn't want more of these moments? And the exciting news I want to share with you today is that you can cultivate an environment - i.e. your daily life - to do just that.

In a new book Mind Your Mindset, authors and husband and wife Michael Hyatt and Megan Hyatt Miller share neuro-science and psychology research that demonstrates the power of the stories we tell ourselves and accept. Mind you, not all the stories we tell ourselves are constructive, least of all always accurate, and so for a portion of the book, they examine and reveal how to change the stories in our mind to live a more fulfilling journey of discovery and success. Which brings us to Aha Moments.

Mind Your Mindset: The science that shows success starts with your thinking

In order to change the stories that are limiting us from realizing our full potential and experiencing all that life can be when we gather up our courage to engage fully and with our true selves, we have to rewire our neurons, and without getting too complicated, we have to start thinking new thoughts.

The authors go on to explain that while oversimplified, the brain does have a division of left and right (even though, not physically divided as each communicates with the other, which is how Aha Moments can occur). Explained as the left side being the executive network side which guides our conscious self, "it thinks about what you tell it to"; the right side is the default network side which "loves novelty and creativity and operates largely in your subconscious". Understanding this construction and function of the brain is crucial to enabling more Aha Moments to be a part of our daily life. Why?

"To find creative solutions to your problems you need to get this second part of your brain [the default network] into action. This vast network of slower-firing neurons is highly adaptable. It can be endlessly reconfigured to provide new thought and connections. Sure, this takes longer than using conscious thought [executive network], but it's highly effective." ?Mind Your Mindset

Which leads us to revealing the answer to the question: How to experience more Aha Moments in your life. Let's take a look at the list below.

1.Consciously choose to not be physically 'working' all the time.

Often work is only deemed as work if we can see something changing physically - so physical labor, cooking, cleaning, drawing, writing, correcting papers, etc. However, even Leonardo da Vinci took regular moments, even days to not be physically working on The Last Supper, but that didn't mean he wasn't working. His mind was busily meandering, not necessarily being directed by his left brain, but giving space and time to just meander about all that he held in his subconscious, letting his right side of the brain gradually discover connections that on the surface might seem completely disparate.

2. Make time for tasks unrelated to the 'problem' and somewhat quotidian, give you full attention to what you are doing - in other words, mono-task

From walking, to cooking, to eating a meal to savor, gardening, any task that requires your full attention that you can let yourself get lost in and thoroughly enjoy, but is unrelated to the dilemma or question you are trying to answer, engage in it regularly. Seemingly out of nowhere, ideas will arise, but not if we force them to, and while not every time, you are giving your subconscious space to move about because your left side of the brain is taking a break.

3. Exercise vigorously (I will let you define what vigorous is)

The reason I include the adverb vigorously is because when you are fully engaged with your workout - a long run, a cycling class, a yoga class, climbing a wall, swimming at a swift pace - your mind is held in the present moment which actually lets your subconscious dance about, yep, wander and meander seemingly aimlessly, but what it (your subconscious) is actually doing is very helpful. You just need to give it space to do that work and the time to connect any dots that you, your conscious mind, cannot see or understand.

4. Take a nap

I was going to include this idea in #2, but it is quite different in the sense of being conscience. Similar to a good night's sleep, taking a nap. You will wake up with sharper ideas and a clear mind.

On the topic of a good, deep sleep (at least 7-hours), such a regular health habit is vital to being able to experience Aha Moments. As we know while we sleep, our brain is 'cleaned' of toxins, certain thoughts are moved to long-term memory while others are swept away or taken deeper into the subconscious as deemed unnecessary for the conscious tasks we regularly tend to. There are many people, myself included, who go to sleep at night with a question about a particular situation and wake up with ideas anew for best approaching it, OR go to sleep with a worry and wake up having completely forgotten about it because the mind, based on our past experience and habits, deems it unimportant. Phew!

9 Benefits of Getting A Good Night's Sleep

5. Prioritize Play

In 2017 after reading Alex Soojung-Kim Pang's book Rest: Get More Done by Doing Less I was inspired to write episode #137 of the podcast and disspell the idea that we must always be 'doing' in order to live a fulfilling and even, dare I say, productive and successful life. What Pang points out, along with so much more is that rest need not be sitting on the sofa (although it can). Rest includes giving our mind (in this case, our left-side) a break and letting ourselves play, have fun, and return to many activities that we enjoyed as a child. In Dr. Mike Rucker's recent book The Fun Habit, he concludes, "If you want a twist of fate, start twisting. Choosing fun every day in small, seemingly superficial ways can, over time, lead to new patterns of behavior?new and better choices."

An Everyday Necessity: Deliberate Rest, episode #137

6. Enjoy a 'Lazy' Weekend or Day Regularly

One of the direct points addressed in Mind Your Mindset regarding stories is what or how we should live, and all of the ideas, in any culture, are rooted in stories we accept. So often the image is presented, at least it was to my generation in our youth by our parents and grandparents that sitting in front of the 'boob-tube' was akin to being lazy. Now don't worry, I am not advocating for plopping ourselves down regularly for hours and days and weeks on end mindlessly watching whatever, but sometimes, we need time to sit down on the sofa and just rest. To physically not move and peruse magazines, books, newspapers, watch something or having something on in the background, listen to podcasts endlessly, the latter two we may not really be paying attention to, but it creates an environment urging us to just be still.

And when we are still, when we rest, when we are idle physically with no directive for our mind to attend to or a task to complete, the right side of the brain becomes quite happy and starts to make connections or attempts to make connections to see what might be possible.

The authors in Mind Your Mindset suggest if you are trying to figure something out, you can point your mind in the direction you wish it to figure out, but then you let go. Let go and go about relaxing and toodling about with no objective in mind and what you are enabling is something quite constructive. So long as you do this regularly, your mind will begin to offer you ideas that seem initially as if they came out of nowhere, but you and I know differently. :)

Last but not least!

7. Feed your mind with a diverse serving of ideas and experiences

The only way, unique and awesome Aha Moments can come to the forefront of your conscious mind is if you continue to remain curious about life. Since you were a child, you have been exposed to a vast breadth of ideas, objects, experiences, people and information. As an adult you have agency to choose to continue to explore new ideas, to deepen your learning, to see new places, experience new cultures, food and anything that is not part of what you already know (or think you know).

By choosing to feed your mind with constructive nourishment, even if you don't know what you will do with the 'food' you receive, your subconscious holds on to these moments, and that is what it is dancing about with as you engage with each of the previous six ideas shared above.

Which also means, mind what you feed your mind. Be conscientious about what you are exposed to, the information that swirls about, the words that are used, the attitudes, energy, etc. All of this will determine the quality of your life, and when you then make space to exercise your right-side of the brain, beautiful and what may have once seemed impossible discoveries will be made, and your life will change.

Wishing you many Aha Moments in your near and distant future.

Petit Plaisir

Beyond Paradise

Gabriel. No last name needed, but he doesn't have one if he did, interestingly enough. I'm talking about Gabriel of Emily in Paris fame. Played by Lucas Bravo, Gabriel is the inspiration for today's post/episode because his clothes don't do the talking unlike the rest of the fashion-clad cast, but they definitely don't hinder his appeal.

In a recent article in The Wall Street Journal, Ashley Ogawa Clarke spotlights the character's no-excess capsule wardrobe that works to a "T" while he works as an up-and-coming chef in one of the most highly fashionable cities in the world. Sharing that "costume designer Marylin Fitoussi wanted to telegraph that he?s 'more focused on cooking rather than always thinking, How do I look??" In other words, allowing the clothes support the life he lives, showcase, but not hog the stage.

This observation immediately caught my attention as I have found myself shifting when it comes to my own clothing: not away from caring what I choose to wear, but as I become more confident and focused on running TSLL well, choosing a wardrobe that is simple, yet stylish, requires less thought, but looks smart and yet effortless.

With the release of TSLL's Annual Spring Shopping Guide arriving soon (March 1st), today's episode/post will share ideas for preparing ourselves for how to be savvy shoppers with clarity about what a Capsule Wardrobe entails without the Excess. To follow Albert Einstein's advice, although I doubt he was referring to wardrobe shopping, "Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.?

Let's take a look at how to simplify to amplify as we invest in key items for our Spring Capsule Wardrobe:

1.Love a cut/style/length? Buy it in multiples, but in different colors

This piece of advice is well-known, but something that Gabriel demonstrates well, but that is not often advised is that the colors for the same style are different. Decide to become a student of your skin's undertones as well as what complements your hair color, and purchase different colors in that same style - a shirt, a pair of pants, a skirt, a dress, a jacket, etc. - that works well with your silhouette, lifestyle and personal taste.

2. Denim just works, so invest in it, buy multiples of the exact same pair, then alter

Something that was suggested in the article mentioned above is this idea. When you find a pair of jeans that just work - they are high quality, the wash is spot-on, the waist-height is ideal and the fit remains constant (in other words, not too much stretch) - buy multiple pairs, and then based on the different shoes you wear your jeans with, have certain pairs altered to work well with that particular pair of jeans, so that while the same jean, each has a slightly different look and adds that extra polish from the tailoring.

For example, you may want an ankle hemline for the summer and spring when you wear with flats or heels, but a longer hem for wearing with booties in the fall and winter.

3. Find a jacket or blazer that you love and don't stray (buy multiples, in different colors)

For me, it is an oversized blazer that I will be hunting down this spring, and in multiples. They may not each be from the same brand, but the style an cut will be the same. The idea here is that you know what complements your style, what works for your lifestyle, so why stray? Just change up the color, change up the fabric to either dress up or down, and go do what you do and pay no mind to what you are wearing (because you look and feel great).

4. Switch up materials

Speaking of switching up the fabric . . . keeping it simple without the excess means you apply what you know and you don't add the fluff. A simple slub tee under an oversized blazer with ankle hemmed denim. Done and looking great. Throw your crossbody bag over your shoulder and get about your business. Come the weekend or an evening out, change the denim jeans to crepe pants with the same length and finish, maybe even still a dark navy, similar to your jeans. The blazer and tee still work, but you've punched it up a bit.

5. Find your pop of color and home in on that and nothing else (except neutrals)

Something I wrote about in this post last year more generally is knowing what colors work for you and to forget the rest. Keeping in mind that the colors you come up with work with each other, and so to drill down a bit more specifically, stick to neutrals all except one color. And select this lone star color to be a color that complements you without fail. My one color is a cool pink - not pastel, not fuchsia, not maroon - but a cool undertone pink. No other color makes an appearance in my closet as I have learned through past purchases that other colors just don't work for me as well as I thought they might when I viewed them in the store or online. Paired with my neutrals of cream, navy, denim, and camel, that is just about all I wear, and almost everything can mix and match.

This may sound boring, but there is no reason for me to attempt to dress like a style influencer or like Emily in Paris or Carrie Bradshaw. I adore each of their courageous ensembles and they look AMAZING, but what I gain from watching them is ideas of what types of items can go together, and then I return to my color palette and rest assured that what I end up purchasing will work with what I already have.

Finding Your Personal Style and Why It Will Free you From Worrying About Seasonal Trends and Others' Opinions about What You Wear

6. Stick to the basics for types of clothing and avoid the trends

To relieve any confusion and fret about what to buy each season, walk away from worrying about trying to figure out the trends, and instead return to the basics - basic tees, oversized button-up shirts, blazers, A-line skirts or wrap dresses, knee-high boots, flats - ballet or loafers, blazers, etc. - and within those basics, become the student of yourself and know the answer to the following question: What flatters me? Necklines, hem lengths, sleeve lengths, heel height, waist height, etc.

The simplifying of the process makes the decision-making easier, the selection streamlined and therefore you can narrow down what is available for you to choose from without draining your energy flipping/scrolling through item after item after item which is ultimately how frustration builds up - we see more of what we don't want than what we do. When the opposite begins to happen because you have edited out what wouldn't be best for your wardrobe, you feel as though you have ample options and the shopping begins to become more enjoyable.

7. Keep your shoe options to four, with variations

Part of the stress of dressing well is often having the shoe we need, so let's simplify that as well. Make sure you have these four types of shoes in your closet, and make sure they are investment - high quality and fit well. (1) a trainer or a sneaker that fits what you need - not too wide, the best material for your lifestyle (canvas or leather, etc.), and a color that will work with your outfits. (2) a pump or heel to your choosing for dress and work - choose the height that flatters your leg and is comfortable to wear in a color (or colors) that work with your wardrobe. (3) a boot - ankle or knee high, determine the heel height for your lifestyle. And (4) a flat of your preference - pointed toe or slightly rounded, a loafer, etc.

Begin with ensuring you have one of each, a quality pair of each and then build on that as you discover what will complement your wardrobe.

8. Make selecting quality over quantity your modus operandi

At the core of living simply luxuriously is to live a life of quality over quantity in all arenas of our life, and so with our capsule wardrobe, as I have shared many times before, choose quality items. Even if you can only buy one this season, instead of the handful you would prefer, that one, if made well, fits you smashingly and complements your awesomeness is worth the price. Keeping in mind the rule of investment - cost per wear, and let that long-term benefit ease your mind. From boots, to coats, to sweaters and dresses, blazers and camisoles, when I purchase a quality item, it continues to be worn year after year, for years to come. I wrote a detailed post on my first purchase (and only thus far) of a Burberry trench, and while I waited for years to be able to purchase it, it is still in fantastic shape now six years later and it is worn constantly during the spring and fall months.

Again and again and again, with advice shared in fashion magazines and even in Masterclass by fashion experts, the advice shared for keeping your wardrobe simple, but stylish is to, yep, you guessed it - choose quality over quantity. Ultimately, what you're doing when it comes to creating a capsule wardrobe that sings but without the excess is investing in multiple versions of the uniform you look your best in and that complements the life you love living.

With all of that said, look for TSLL's Spring Shopping Guide to be available on the blog on Wednesday March 1st where I will shop more than 70 items that are available in the new spring collections and items worth investing in so you will have and wear them for years to come. Ranging from low-mid (J.Crew, Madewell) to mid-range luxury (Theory, Vince, L.K. Bennett, etc.) to a few luxury finds (Net-a-Porter designers for example). As always, you can peruse TSLL's Boutique/Shop where I have shopped and keep updated timeless items for all seasons. On that page - find it in the drop-down menu under SHOP - Capsule Wardrobe - you will also see the past Spring and Fall Shopping Guides shared most recently on the blog.

SIMILAR POST/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENOY

Effortless Style ?Capsule Wardrobe Details to Include

The New Year and An Approach to Style That Works, even in Tough Economic Times (2023)

What I Wore during My Recent Trip to Paris & England ? 6 Outfits for Spring (2022)

Petit Plaisir

~The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin

Listen to the Previous Podcast Episode

 

"Presence is power."

What if I told you that the solution to your quandaries about life, love, work, finding calm, anything of value and importance already resided within you?

While initially this may seem impossible, in actuality, when we dig down deep to the core of our motivations, our hopes and even our fears, the answers rest in being able to hold ourselves in the Present moment consciously on a regular and consistent basis. Now this may seem elementary, even a simpleton answer, but today, I want to share with you why indeed it is true. And how exciting to know that what we have been seeking (and not finding) outside of ourselves has been within our power all along.

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #350

Read the Show Notes - https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast350

The Simple Sophisticate is someone who prefers quality over quantity, sensible living over mindless consumption, personal style instead of trendy fashions, has an insatiable curiosity for life?s endless questions and a desire to live a truly fulfilling life rather than being led around by the nose. Inspired by her lifestyle blog The Simply Luxurious Life, Shannon Ables (the original Simple Sophisticate) shares with listeners tips on how to live a refined life on an everyday income. From achieving your goals, preparing a memorable meal, creating a capsule wardrobe, traveling the world (Francophiles and Anglophiles tune in as France and Britain is a favorite destination), and living life to the fullest without breaking the bank, living well is really quite simple. ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

 

"On ne comprend jamais tout à fait une langue avant d?en comprendre au moins deux."

It took 43 years for me to finally learn the French alphabet, and when I say learn I mean how to properly pronounce each letter, even after taking French classes in college and then again taking French 102 and 103 back in 2016 at our local community college.

After sharing this with someone recently, they looked at me perplexed, but you see I never enrolled in French 101 as it was a fall course, and during the 2015/16 school year I was head-first transitioning into my new teaching position here in Bend, so waited until I was settled with my own schedule to explore French classes. Backtrack to college, as explained in detail in my first book, a similar situation; I began my studies during winter term rather than fall due to a shift in my life journey and needing to acquire the necessary prerequisites to study abroad in French the coming summer.

With that said, learning the alphabet, and singing the French jingle to help cement the sounds of each letter into my memory was one of the most exciting and appreciative moments of my novice French learning experience thus far.

 

Beginning today is a return to the series I began in 2016, so today's episode/post is labeled as Partie Quatre (part four). As I make my way through my courses - a new quarter/course each season - look for future posts/episodes to be shared. You can explore all of my French-themed posts and episodes via the respective links.

The Simple Sophisticate, episode #349

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

"The greatest gift that manifesting can offer us is not to help us attract things for us to possess but to help us unleash the most empowered, authentic, self-loving, and truly magnificent version of ourselves that there is." ?Roxie Nafousi

How we live, how we think, what we think determines the destiny of our lives, and all three are thankfully within our control.

All three actions - living, thinking, selecting [which thoughts to think] - involve just that, being active rather than being passive. However, the paradox arises when we choose to first actively and consciously engage constructively with each daily practice - thinking, living, selecting - but then, . . . let go and let the magic unfold as it will.

When I first picked up Roxi Nafousi's new book Manifest I wasn't sure how she would present the idea of manifesting, but I quickly discovered that she spoke to the core tenets of living simply luxuriously which involve active participation in our lives, deepening our awareness and knowledge of how our mind works and applying that knowledge to tap in to discovering what lies within that is uniquely who we are. In fact, late last year, I wrote a post about self-sabotage and better understanding the temporary discomfort that often derails the life trajectory that will ultimately bring us deep fulfillment, a discovery of insight taught in Nafousi's book.

And there is so much more within the pages of the book to inspire you as you step into this new year, so I wanted to give one more taste of what manifesting entails because what it gave me was a sense of peace to let go once I have clarity and am willing to act consciously.

To begin with, Nafousi's book is neatly organized around the seven steps, and each play a necessary role in cultivating healthy habits and thought defaults that set you on the right track to create the magic that at this moment may seem impossible.

To reiterate, manifesting is not a passive approach to life. "You cannot just be clear in your vision and then wait for it to appear." So what does that mean exactly? Step two in the book centers around eradicating fear and doubt from your life, and she goes into great helpful detail to explain how by allowing fear and doubt into your life, errantly believing that they are your 'friends' is a significant reason you are not manifesting the life you wish to live.

As it pertains to being active, Nafousi teaches that we must align our behavior with what we imagine to be our future life and selves as this reveals that we value ourselves, and we have a healthy awareness of our self-worth. If we allow fear and doubt to limit our vision of our life, then, as she describes, 'the universe won't believe you believe what you say you deserve."

And this is where the hard work comes in. So you want to pass the bar exam? You cannot just 'think' your way to passing the exam. You are going have to study, prepare, study even more, and re-prioritize your time for a duration in order to ensure you are prepared to pass. Want to learn a new language? You are going to have to invest in quality instruction, invest your time, continuing to study regularly and surround yourself with the language as much as possible for a decently long duration of time, but your clarity of what your vision is gives you the road map and helps you to stay focused.

Nafousi points out that once you know that path and what it might take to manifest what you envision, fear and doubt may still crop up. How? By way of excuses - "I don't have enough time", "I don't have enough resources [i.e. money, support, etc.]", "I don't have enough energy". Each of these excuses are just that, excuses borne out of fear or doubt. The excuse is a subterfuge for saying "I am not worth what I seek and I don't believe I am actually ready for what I hope for".

But here is the good news: If you have done the homework of you, examined the feelings behind what you seek, and know in your core that what you are trying to manifest is sincerely aligned with your true self and fulfillment, toss aside the excuses. Yep, even if you cannot see how the money situation will work to make it a reality. Why? The universe has a magical way of making it work out. Maybe not exactly as you envisioned or when you envisioned it would all come together, but if you are willing to risk and toil and invest your time and whole heart, your sincerity is in many ways a silent language that the universe understands. Stay the course, keep investing (non-monetarily and monetarily), and then let go as you travel forward on your journey. That is the paradoxical part of this beautiful concept of manifesting. Let go.

You still remain active, you are still wholly engaged, but what you will find is because you are truly aligned and sincere, the weeks and months, maybe even years on the calendar may flip by, but you are building capital as they say, building further proof that you believe you are worthy of what you are investing in and at some point it seems to all come together, often more beautifully that you could have imagined. But the good news is that you enjoyed the journey to this point as well because that journey was and is your life, just as much as arriving at the moment of manifestation.

"True contentment and joy come not from material possession but from the relationships around us; from our sense of purpose; from our ability to live in a way that reflects our most authentic self. So, when you are deciding what you want to manifest, choose the things that will bring you the most fulfillment possible and know that the only person who can decide what that is, is you." ?Roxie Nafousi

The letting go also comes in the form of "letting go of who we think we should be, who other people expect us to be, and who we once were." During this time of limbo, when you have let go and are swinging forward to a less 'known', but no less specifically desired outcome, there will be tests. These tests are something we have talked about frequently on the blog. These tests crossing your path, believe it or not, come as a good sign because it means you are beginning to grow and change, and the universe just wants to check to see if you indeed believe in yourself. Each test also brings a gift, and that gift is a lesson you need to learn in order to step closer to the outcome you seek. Take the test, pass the test, move forward. You've got this. And the only way to fail the test is to not look for the lesson it wishes to teach you. Simply face the test, engage, explore, try your best, and as Nafousi points out "whenever you make the energetic shift to overcome your test, you will be rewarded with abundance."

If that all seems a bit 'whoo-hooey', let me put it in more concise terms: it comes down to your mindset - are you set in a scarcity mindset or an abundance mindset? In a detailed post written this past November, I share how to shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance because in order to live the life you have envisioned, your mind must rest in abundance. And part of making that shift is stepping past the fear and the doubt that wants to keep you right where you are, and the only way to move forward is to engage with each test the universe sends your way and not cower. You may shake a bit, but remain standing and explore what is being presented. You don't have to act right away, but take your time, ask questions, feel your way around what is really going on and what you are really feeling and why.

The balancing of taking action and letting go may initially seem a tricky, and almost impossible balance, but really what life is asking of you is to be present. There is no need to rush so long as you have put forward your intention with the clarity that you now have. Sometimes you will have to wait months and years for the materialization, but in a flash, all of a sudden it arrives. Almost so quickly it doesn't seem real and you question it, but rest your mind in the place of reassurance that this is indeed real because you put your intention and your energy out there a long time ago, and finally, the opportunity arose because you let go and moved with the timing of the universe. Seize it and savor it.

Manifest: 7 Steps to living Your Best Life by Roxy Nafousi

Petit Plaisir

This Beautiful Fantastic, film (2017)

The holiday of Christmas is a festive time that arrives a mere one week before the new year begins.

The arrival of Christmas stirs up nostalgia for some, angst for others, seasonal stress for most of us and a stream of quiet hope for perhaps nearly all of us that a Christmas miracle will occur. And regardless of what we imagine it to be as November arrives and we look ahead to the final two months of the year, it is a holiday capable of being exactly as we most wish it to be when we approach it with a conscious and loving heart and mind.

Discovering and then honoring what brings us joy is a step in the direction for a most enjoyable holiday.

Nigel Slater reminds in his The Christmas Chronicles that "many of the festival's observances date from pre-Christian times, and those who celebrate it as a purely religious event might be surprised to find out how much of the festivities hails from pagan times." The celebration of the winter solstice just days before the 25th, the beginning of more light to our days was, again as Slater shares, celebrated long before Christmas was celebrated "Saturnalia was the Roman festival of honor of the God Saturn, with feasting lasting from December 17th to the 23rd". And so in many ways, while religious or not, spiritual or atheist as Slater shares he is happily, we all borrow from each of the reasons to celebrate during this Christmas time of year, and that too is something to celebrate.

I had planned on posting on an entirely different topic for today's episode/post, but in the days and weeks leading up to curating this episode, I found myself becoming increasingly excited about my own plans for Christmas. Knowing that how I am choosing to celebrate is a less celebrated approach by the culture, I wanted to share because as I wrote in the December chapter of my book The Road to Le Papillon, it is imperative that we celebrate all holidays that come with traditions in such a way that brings us true joy. I acknowledge that not everyone lives alone by choice as I do, but even in a household of a couple or a family, knowing and voicing and observing what brings true joy to those we love and then honoring this need in some way as you design your day of celebration is a priceless gift to give.

So day, as the final episode of 2022, the holiday episode it will be, and along with the ideas for savoring Christmas home alone simply luxuriously, today's Petit Plaisir will be holiday inspired as well and ties in quite nicely with the theme of our conversation. While alone typically signifies one person, it can also include you and your significant other/partner/spouse or you and your household - family. Let's take a look of how to savor Christmas by focusing on quality rather than quantity thereby elevating the entire experience.

~Note to readers: More is discussed in detail in the audio version, so do be sure to tune in. ?

1.Choose to celebrate alone

During the past three years, more than most of us had no choice but to celebrate Christmas alone, so understandably, doing so yet again, may not be enticing or desired. However, I was one of those people during the pandemic who enjoyed spending some of the holidays in my own company, but this is also coming from someone who prior to 2020 chose to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas in my own company more than a couple of times and had, hands down, some of the best holidays in my adult years I have ever had.

Knowing you have chosen to spend Christmas Day in your own company gives you time to plan, to anticipate, to prepare and thus to then savor the day when it arrives.

Especially if we are changing our plans from previous years of spending this day with family, knowing we have communicated and perhaps shared some holiday time together earlier in December, will make the change into a holiday tradition you desire more enjoyable knowing you have prepared well, so that your conscience can be at peace.

2. Savor other holiday social outings/gatherings/volunteer activities leading up to Christmas

Christmas Day has always been a day I don't want a grand dinner, nor do I want to dress up and throw a dinner party; however, as many of you know, I love hosting a dinner party, so it is rather how I view what Christmas Day is - cozying-in, getting snuggly and just having a wide-open day to savor the joy that has culminated over the past month or so. With all of that said, we need not wait for the actual date of the 25th to arrive to celebrate Christmas. No, no, no, no!

As I know many TSLL readers do, plan a special lunch or dinner date with your dear friend or friends to exchange gifts. During the past couple of years, my dear friend Veronique and I have done this, and dined at a favorite European-cuisine restaurant here in Bend, enjoying sparkling wine and oodles of conversation as the hours pass by, only remembering at the end to exchange our gifts because we've been talking so much! :)

3. Do something special on either the 23rd or the 24th

Every year I have done something slightly or significantly different, but these two dates are the special ones for me when it comes to soirées, hosting a dinner, going out to dinner and splurging, seeing something special with family or dear friends.

Every year as a child, Christmas Eve was the BIG dinner at my parents' house in which we and our guests would dress up for and we kids would do so obediently because we knew soon we would be in bed awaiting Santa's arrival. Now as an adult, the energy of the season is palpable and spending time with others, more than a handful is something even this introvert enjoys because it only happens once a year.

One year, in fact the last Christmas season I was in my house in eastern Oregon (Pendleton), I threw a soirée and more people came than I imagined, and it turned out to be one of the most beautiful memories of my time living in this home with the people attending from my neighborhood, my colleagues at school and my brother and his wife. It was held on Christmas Eve Eve (the 23rd), and it was perfect timing as then I had time to decompress on the 24th and look forward to a quiet Christmas Day.

This year, I am excited to be able to enjoy a full five course meal and share the meal at my neighbors', along with my own, respective houses as we will be enjoying a progressive dinner, and since we all live either next to each other or on the same street, we need only walk a couple house-lengths to enjoy the next course. The clean-up is less, the cost for each of us is more affordable, and as the weather looks to be snowy, it will be safer to imbibe and thoroughly just enjoy the evening. I cannot wait!

4. Plan your Christmas meal - brunch, dinner, dessert, etc.

As you will be in your own company and can dine whenever you prefer, decide what meal you want to enjoy and then do so at your leisure. Brunch is always a must-have on Christmas with pastries, eggs, a meat of choice - sausage or bacon, perhaps a Bellini and paired with The New York Times annual Puzzle section, I will be enjoying a good long meal in my pajamas, of which doesn't take that long to cook. Speaking of pajamas . . .

~Here is my recipe (and video) for homemade French croissants~

5. Select your favorite pajamas and have them ready to be worn

As it is quite cold in Bend, I enjoy wearing linen pajamas, and make sure they are freshly laundered and pressed. Just knowing you are wearing something comfortable and warm that you will likely be wearing part, if not all of the day, eliminates the guilt of doing something that is quite foreign to most of us, but something to savor on this special day.

6. Stuff the stockings for your four-legged companions

My pups each have their own stocking, and while Nelle doesn't know the fun that is in store for her just yet, both Norman and Oscar loves/d their stockings, and as you can see below, waited patiently to explore the contents each year.

7. Don't forget to give yourself a gift

While no doubt you have already shopped and wrapped and delivered your gifts for loved ones, even filling out holiday cards to send to personal and professional contacts and acquaintances you are grateful to have in your life, be sure to remember to include yourself on Santa's list to shop for.

Whether the gift to yourself is tangible (a nice Trudon candle) or not (purchase those tickets for your trip next year, or put the deposit on the vacation rental), give yourself something you've been dreaming about and maybe wouldn't purchase freely any other time of the year.

8. Make plans to do something unique/special on Christmas Day

Whether you stay home and take part, attend an event locally or pop up to the mountain to go skiing if snow is in your backyard as it is mine, have a plan to do something special on this day. This will get you up and give you an opportunity to move and perhaps exercise and just looking forward to enjoying this special something is a joy in and of itself.

9. Plan a special evening ritual to savor

As shared above in #4 if you have already planned on either a brunch, a lunch or a dinner, I would encourage to also include a delicious evening-into-the-night treat. What I will be up to after having a good brunch, then a jaunt to the mountain or a long walk in the snow somewhere nearby, is enjoying a slice of homemade Bu1che de Noël that I will be making a few days earlier, paired with hot cuppa or maybe a sip or two of cognac and enjoying whilst sitting by the fire, reading a bit from a book that is calling my name to suit whatever mood I am in, and then watching a bit of the new series that is this week's Petit Plaisir (see below).

A preview of what I hope I can recreate in my own kitchen. This was my mother's Bûche de Noël made, and we all enjoyed, last Christmas Eve.

Wishing you a wonderful, happy and merry Christmas this coming Sunday (and a Happy Hanukkah as well). Thank you for stopping by and look for a new episode on Wednesday January 4th, 2023.

SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY

Why Not . . . Enjoy the Holidays Even If You're Single?

M.L. Longworth Talks Provence during the Holidays, Favorite Cookbooks and her new Provençal Mystery, episode #268

Merry Christmas and What Made Me Smile This Year (2019)

Petit Plaisir

~A Storm for Christmas, Netflix limited series

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #347

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

Those who know David Jimenez and his life journey often take a sigh of adoration followed by a smile and comment, ?He is living the dream?. And indeed to us Francophiles, he is indeed.

Having called Paris home for the past six years, American interior designer living in Paris David Jimenez partnered with Diane Dorrans Saeks to bring to readers Parisian by Design: Interiors by David Jimenez. 

David Jimenez captured by photographer Xavier Béjot whilst going about his day on the Île Saint-Louis in Paris.

Parisian by Design: Interiors by David Jimenez by Diane Dorrans Saeks

Parisian by Design showcases the seven residences he has called home over his life journey of decorating, beginning in San Francisco, moving to Kansas City, then to his apartments in Paris that lead him to his now sanctuary on the City of Light, his apartment on Île Saint-Louis, as well as his design atelier on the same petite Île and, what I think is my favorite of all of his abodes, although each is inviting and quintessential European in its aesthetic with a strong affinity for Parisian touches, his apartment in the French countryside (see pics below from David's IG account).

https://www.instagram.com/p/CV8Z0LCM80c/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

https://www.instagram.com/p/CidIzyqM3UL/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

In our hour-long conversation, David will introduce readers to what they will find in the book which includes a 10-page source list for you too to enjoy and peruse first-hand David?s personal recommended shops, artisans and destinations, not only in Paris, but beyond, and we will also dive deeper because David made his dream a reality - calling Paris home. Exploring how he trusted his journey from a very early age along with sharing what he has learned along the way to be the best life advice for knowing what to do next, we talk about nudges from the universe, trusting yourself and so much more.

Oh! And his Petit Plaisir is Petit Plaisirs! Yes, David shares multiple Petit Plaisirs in the middle of our conversation, painting a picture for our minds through the senses that, if you are anything like me, will inspire and remind how powerfully rejuvenating savoring everyday seasonal pleasures can be. But I don?t want to give too much away. ?

As well, our final question speaks to the winter holidays in Paris, and how we too can bring a touch of the charm into our own homes. 

I do hope you will tune in and thank you for stopping by.

Visit David Jimenez?s website David Jimenez Studio and follow him on Instagram @davidjimenezstudio

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5anivjii36/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

~Explore more episodes of The Simple Sophisticate podcast in TSLL's Archives or wherever you listen to podcasts.

SIMILAR EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY

10 Everyday French Details I Incorporate into My Routine, episode #37

15 Ideas for Savoring Paris, episode #328

36 Ways to Welcome Joie de Vivre into Your Everyday Life, episode #253

~Explore more French-inspired podcast episodes on The Simple Sophisticate

The concept of luxury at its core is what brings you comfort.

A space, piece or item that brings ease, calm and perhaps a sigh of letting go and being able to fully relax and savor the present moment. In 2013 I shared a list full of ideas exemplifying what true luxury is; the items on that list are worth exploring as we become more in tune withwhat luxurious living is. It is important to note that a fundamental element of what constitutes something as being luxurious is the effort and dedicated intention to bring your idea to fruition. In other words, you have taken the time, expended the effort, energy, investment, so that when whatever it is that has been reached (tangible or intangible), you appreciate it and will by no means toss it aside blithely for the next 'new' or 'better' model, version, trend, etc.

When it comes to decorating our homes to create luxurious living spaces, while most certainly, luxury when it comes to interior design can be expensive, it need not always be that way, and it is important to note that size - a grand, large abode doesn't guarantee the space will be luxurious if the details are not tended to well.

To walk into a luxurious space, small or large in scale is only part of being truly luxurious; it is when you engage with the space, live in it, sit down in the chairs, sleep in the beds, pour yourself a hot cuppa, that you then discover whether or not the home is truly luxurious.

In today's episode/post I want to tend to those simple ideas that when you tend to them can elevate the luxury in a room immediately upon a guest or yourself living in the space.

Three years ago, I began this series with a post sharing 10 Simple, Significant Decor Ideas to Add Luxurious Touches to the Home inspired by interior designer Cathy Kincaid's new book at the time, The Well Adorned Home. And as you will discover in that list, while the simple touches may be investment decisions, they significantly elevate the luxurious presence of the room, beckoning the inhabitants to relax and stay awhile.

Part Une, 10 Simple, Significant Decor Ideas to Add Luxurious Touches to the Home, episode #260

In part two (deux) of this series, I am sharing 13 ideas that while simple are also quite affordable and don't require a contractor or even the expert eye of an interior designer (all except #12). There is something almost impossible to describe with words but felt by our nervous system when we step into a decorated space that to our eye is luxurious, as well as to our other senses. Immediately there is a noticeable decrease in our stress levels, dopamine may even be released, and we let our guard down and sigh, exhaling a deep breath as though we are 'home', we are safe, comforted, we have found a place to unwind and be rejuvenated.

 

"I am sure there are [trends], but I don't really like them because I think trends come and go very rapidly." ?Nina Campbell

Creating a sanctuary takes time.

But it need not take the same amount of time each time you set up a new home.

Similar to getting to know ourselves, unconsciously from day one we may be drawn to certain tastes, preferences, aesthetics, etc., and this is where we can begin both in understanding ourselves and in curating a sanctuary that rejuvenates, comforts and welcomes us home, even if the location of our home changes over the years.

However, unlike our wardrobe, the sizes of the types of furniture or décor items we are drawn to will not change, even if the colour palettes do which is good news because that means you can begin investing in the items for your sanctuary before you even have a penny in your bank account saved up for a down payment or the first month's rent.

Decorating our homes doesn't have to begin from scratch each time we move into a new home; in fact, if we are starting from scratch each time, we are wasting money, time and harming the planet (unless we are leaving all of our furniture for the new buyer). And you actual liberate yourself when you invest in quality décor pieces initially which enables you to never have to start from scratch again. Why does it liberate you, especially, you might be saying, because you just spent all of your extra money on a custom sofa for example? Well, that is exactly what today's episode is all about, sharing the many reasons why investing in key décor items will help you curate a sanctuary that is tailored to you and the life you love living.

1.Endurance to last a lifetime or at least a few decades

"[It was] good in the first place, and [is] still good today." ?Nina Campbell

Similar to well-made clothing with high quality fabric, furniture that is made well from the inside out - structurally sound sofa, chairs, beds, tables, etc. will go the distance, many lasting your entire lifetime. I will include stoves in this as well because if you are someone who spends regular time in the kitchen, invest well in a stove and yes, it can last your entire lifetime.

The quote above was shared by renowned British interior designer Nina Campbell in a podcast episode in which she shared an experience of working with a client for the second time, about 10-15 years removed. Many of the primary pieces did not need replacing because they were made well. Below in #5 we will talk more about the benefit of having high quality furniture and large appliances, but generally speaking, you save yourself an extra step of having to go shopping for yet again another item. If you purchase a cheap item that looks good today, but isn't made well, no matter how many times you recover it, it will still not work nor last, or be comfortable.

The idea of starting from scratch is eliminated when you buy well, yep, paying more, up front for the first time purchase, so that you don't have to pay for it again down the road when your tastes change, or what is more likely, the piece falls apart or you realize it doesn't fit well or is not comfortable.

2. Sustainable

The sustainability choice in buying a quality piece of furniture or large appliance for your home ensures you won't be clogging up landfills. Mass produced furniture that is typically inexpensive also enables us to be less attached to the items and thus make the item easier to toss. Granted some may take their items to Goodwill or have a garage sale, but when you purchase furniture you love and is well made, and that you need as it provides a function in your home, you are able to keep it and use it for decades to come and also often become invested in it to take care of it well.

As I will share in #7 on our list in detail, part of why buying antiques and consignment and vintage is worth doing is because of the sustainability approach, and while it may take more time to find what you need, when you find it, again, you will become more invested in taking care of it well, thereby keeping it in your home for a longer duration.

3. Saves Money in the Long-Term

The price you pay for the high quality armchair today will be the cheapest price that armchair will be sold for if you were to shop for it again 10, 15, 20 years down the road. A well-made piece of furniture, if cared for well, will actually increase in value, a cheap sofa or chair will do exactly the opposite. In other words, it is not easy to plunk down a large sum of money on a dining room table for example, but if it is well made, fits your home and lifestyle, you will have it with you for your lifetime and perhaps hand it down to the next generation, only needing to have it refinished or re-stained when it exchanges homes.

Try to think long-term if you are struggling to pay the price tag of a custom Howard & Sons London sofa or armchair, and instead think about how you will be able to have a trusted and loved piece of furniture for decades to come, even being able to hand it down and doing so with it in great condition even if the upholstery changes.

~Read British interior designer Rita Konig's advice on buying the perfect sofa (Konig is Nina Campbell's daughter)

Learn How to Be Your Own Interior Designer with Rita Konig (Create Academy course)

4. Potential to change exterior, but value is retained due to high quality craftsmanship

When you invest well in furniture you both love, as it speaks to your aesthetic tastes and lifestyle, and that is made well, as mentioned in #1, when your life changes, when your color preferences change, all you have to do is change the exterior as the skeletal, foundational components are doing just fine. Even if you have to replace and refurbish the seat cushions, you still have the well-built original frame which will save you money.

From changing the upholstery or refinishing the wood of a beloved desk, dining room table or side table, this is where you save money and time, because you already have what you love, now you are just taking good care of it, which reduces stress to have to find something that works for what you need.

5. Pay no mind to trends

"I am sure there are [trends], but I don't really like them because I think trends come and go very rapidly." ?Nina Campbell

To repeat Nina Campbell's quote from above, as someone who began working under the wing of John Fowler, I will heed her wisdom when it comes to trends. Sure, we all have an aesthetic we are drawn too, but that is separate from a trend. Nina Campbell, for example, has a particular aesthetic that draws clients to her, but what she does is not trendy and each client's home, when complete, will be different. The difference is when an interior designer creates spaces for different clients that all look somewhat similar but neither reveals an individual, then that is trendy. In other words, an interior designer brings their expertise, but listens to the client's needs (lifestyle) and what brings them comfort and rejuvenation (personal tastes and life journey), and designs a home that reflects their client.

You want to see yourself and the people who live in your home in the interior design you create in your sanctuary. This most definitely takes time, but from day one you can begin including something you love, that speaks to you. For me, I have always been drawn to cozy, deep armchairs and sofas, wingbacks and wallpaper. I can remember going to the interior design store in our small town with my mother when I was a young girl, being able to select the wallpaper for my bedroom for the first time. I was so excited to be able to have a say in the decision making and flipping through all of those wallpaper books was a joy and most curiously good time. As well, I also know what I am not drawn too, and that also plays a role in where we begin. When we don't know, we try out things, and we learn along the way. I once thought a blue painted bathroom would be a great look, feel and aesthetic, but for me, I learned it was not. Lesson learned and carried forward to my next apartment or house.

With each home we step into, or each new redecorating project we begin, we bring with us the knowledge and experience from our past projects, homes and interiors. To be guided by a trend, as was mentioned in episode #341, is not entirely a bad thing. "If an aspect of a trend speaks to you, there is a reason, and that is how we hone our understanding of what will work for a long duration of time in our homes as we decorate for the life we love living, [but] if you are not decorating in an approach that honors you, but rather following what others approve of, and in such an approach to life in any arena ? decor, fashion, life choices ? this is never an approach that will lead to true, lasting contentment."

6. You can move to other rooms or arrangements, and expand upon what you have, rather than starting from scratch

Having furniture you love and that is well-made gives you the liberty to change where the piece is placed in your home. Perhaps a chair that was in the office now is moved to the new bedroom for guests. Or maybe the bed frame in your primary bedroom is moved to the guest room of your new home as you have one more room to furnish and as your tastes have changed, you can welcome in a new frame.

Ultimately, what you are doing is giving yourself options and saving money, reducing what you need to add to your space because you already have very nice pieces to work with.

7. When you cannot purchase custom yet

"I strongly believe that people may not want, or may not be able, to start again from scratch, so giving old furniture a new lease of life is at the heart of my philosophy." ?Nina Campbell

When we begin furnishing our homes, beginning in college for many of us, buying new and high quality is just not possible. Often we begin with hand-me-downs from family members and that is just perfectly fine. As you begin to purchase items, you likely still will not be able to purchase high quality brand new, let alone custom pieces, so head to the consignment and vintage shops and go treasure hunting. Scour the estate sales in your new hometown, but be patient, ask questions, and don't be afraid to barter. My first antique purchase was in college, an oak pub table that at the time cost a fortune for me - $400. I still have that table and it has been well cared for and functions and looks beautiful.

Purchasing consignment and/or antiques when we can and want to is a sustainable approach as well to decorating our homes. It may take time to find what we are looking for, but remember, you can always update or adjust certain finds. If the items I made well, but the upholstery needs to change, that is easy to do, and you've saved money and helped the planet.

~Why Not . . . Shop Consignment Décor?

What Décor Items to Invest In

The first two items are recommended by Nina Campbell as most definitely worth investing in from the start:

Sofa ? customize with your preferred fabric as well

Bed ? mattress, headboard, frame, etc.

Upholstery ? chairs, sofa, ottomans, benches, etc.

Window Treatments ? fabric, hardware, customizing length and amount of fabric to hang properly open or closed

Flooring ? hardwood or tile, rugs, carpet, etc.

Wallpaper ? high quality wallpaper will hang well and simplify the process if you are doing it yourself.

Stove Top/Oven ? if you cook regularly in your kitchen

Hardware & Kitchen and Bathroom Fixtures ? door handles, faucets, hooks (for heavy use areas)

Inspired by Provence: Curtains to Frame a Dining Room in an Open Floor Plan

Decorating our sanctuary in many ways resembles putting together an incredibly large jigsaw puzzle, and over the years I have come to thoroughly enjoy putting together my own puzzle. Knowing what the right pieces are takes less time, but because I don't want a mass produced item, or know where what I am looking for might be found but it is not where I am at the moment, the time it takes to acquire these pieces takes longer, and that is okay. Because in the moment that we find and purchase and then welcome home the piece that fits just as we had imagined, it was worth it and our comfort and pleasure in our home deepens, and we become more rested and rejuvenated.

Of course the journey of decorating our homes is forever on-going just as our capsule wardrobe is and knowing ourselves and learning about the world and how we partake and engage with it, but that is the fun part of being alive, and our homes stay alive because of this regular awareness of how to live well, tweaking, adding, layering, editing, etc.

Wishing you a wonderful and most enjoyable journey of curating your sanctuary, and may your puzzle tickle your mind and bring many smiles to your days as you discover what would be right at home in your abode.

SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY

11 Decor Pieces to Purchase Even if You Don't Live in Your Dream Home Yet

The First 15 Key Elements I Included in My English Cottage-inspired Home, part une, episode #341

8 Unique Small Décor Ideas That Make a Signature Difference in Your Sanctuary

Petit Plaisir

~Parisian by Design: Interiors by David Jimenez by Diane Dorrans Saeks

 

"Creating healthy boundaries is how you ensure that you're happy and well in your relationships and in life." ?Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

To have boundaries that are respected is to give your life and your days peace of mind.

Just as a sovereign state provides the foundation for its citizens to thrive instead of merely surviving due to the absence of worrying if what they need to live well might not be theirs tomorrow, so too do the boundaries we assert, communicate and actively uphold. But as is alluded to, we must engage consciously, intentionally and consistently.

Licensed therapist for more than 14 years, Nedra Glover Tawwab wrote a book, a highly successful and praised both by readers and critics book, titled Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, that is exactly what her book provides - a guide. A guide sharing the tools, but also the reasons to motivate readers to welcome boundaries into their daily lives, whether with their friendships, work, children, parents, romantic partnership and even regarding our use of social media and technology. Boundaries, healthy boundaries, as she explains the non-healthy boundaries and why they are destructive and deteriorate the quality of our lives, are an essential piece of our everyday life if we wish to live a life of contentment. And her book is a hands-on step-by-step guide teaching you how and which boundaries you need.

Upon reading this book, I immediately knew I had found a valuable resource, one to not only utilize now for different aspects of my life, but no doubt in the future either when I want to be reminded or discover what I need to do, how to communicate and validate my decisions to honor my needs. As well, just as importantly, is to understand and honor what others needs as well and to not take their boundary setting personally.

In today's episode/post I would like to share with you how setting the right boundaries contributes, and exclusively contributes an essential ingredient that elevates the quality of our lives, thereby deepening our true contentment experienced in our everydays. If what is shared today speaks to you, I highly recommend picking up a copy of the book where you will find the specific examples of what to do/say, what not to do/say in very specific, as well as different situations.

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #343

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

Having what we need in our closet as each season changes into the next brings a peace of mind that when reached is often forgotten about as it frees us to engage fully and comfortably (and confidently) in our daily lives.

In my own life, it was this October when I had plans to go to the symphony that I relaxed knowing I had an outfit fitting for the autumnal weather that was timeless, yet comfortable and upon wearing it, eased my mind in quiet confidence knowing I was dressed well and respectfully for the event. It is this feeling that, as someone doesn't necessarily enjoy shopping, but finds pleasure it in when I find something that speaks to me and works with my lifestyle, motivates me when I look at my capsule wardrobe for each season and guides my decisions as I invest after considering the three qualifiers to nudge me to click purchase -high quality, fits my style and functions well.

Today I would like to share with you 10 items that I have or am purchasing this fall season as part of my capsule wardrobe that I wear with confidence knowing it supports the life I love living and enables me to feel confident that I look my best so I can forget what I am wearing and just be present.

~Note for readers: the audio version of this episode goes into detail on each of the points listed below, so be sure to tune in as well as read through today's post.

1. Oversized blazer/jacket

~Theory's wool-twill black blazer, belted

~Nili Lotan Beige Adeline corduroy-trimmed quilted coat

~Iris & Ink Gray Hope Mélange woven blazer (more colors)

~Joseph dark gray Jara Mélange wool-flannel blazer

2. Oversized Pullover Sweaters

~Banana Republic Luna Cashmere Sweater Polo (four colors)

~wool-blend, Banana Republic's Cavo Half-Zip Sweater (two colors)

~La Ligne Bastien Sweater, Stripes (multiple color options)

SHOP MORE PULLOVERS:

3. Chelsea boot or Bootie with a heel

~Stuart Weitzman Yuliana 60 mm Bootie (four colors)

~Stuart 75 mm Stretch Bootie (taupe, more colors)

~SHOP MORE:

4. Cashmere Gloves

~Theory's ribbed cashmere fold-back gloves (four colors)

5. Contour Down Coat for walking with the pups

~Lululemon's Down for It All Jacket (four colors, removable hood)

6. High-rise leggings with pockets

Lululemon's Align High-Rise Pant (three different lengths), with pockets (many colors)

7. Midi-length straight skirts with a high waist

~Reiss Dani button-up Slip Skirt

~Vince Crimped Wool Midi Skirt, Navy, use promo code 50OFF350 to save $50 when you purchase $350 or more

8. A scarf for warmth while walking or errands or travel

~Eric Bompard, cashmere voile scarf, many colors

9. A small wallet for stand-alone use or placing in my clutches and crossbody bags

~YSL Gaby, quilted small envelope wallet

10. Oversized v-neck and turtleneck sweaters with straight-leg high-waisted jeans

Joseph's black striped ribbed merino wool turtleneck sweater (on sale when place in bag)

~Agolde black Freya high-rise slim-leg stretch organic jeans (on sale when placed in cart)

~Joseph High Neck Luxe Cashmere Jumper in Mauve

~Frame high-rise straight-leg jeans

~Joseph Luxe Cardigan stitch high neck jumper, cobble stone

~Goldsign Morgan high-rise straight-leg jeans

~Johanna Ortiz Olive Swooning Wool-Blend Turtleneck Sweater

~Khaite Danielle High-rise straight-leg jeans

~Vince wool-cashmere blend sweater in Sand

Each of the items in today's list are merely an idea of inspiration as components in what creates the foundation for a fall wardrobe to fit my day-to-day schedule and events. Over the years my style hasn't changed tremendously, but what I have noticed it that is has been honed as I become more clear and thus become more confident to invest in high quality items that I will reach for again and again year after year. Whether going about my daily work, attending an event indoors or walking my dogs outside in the chillier weather, I feel comfortable in what I am wearing on a variety of levels. And I hope you do as well with the items you have in your closet for years to come.

Wishing you a stylish autumn season.

~Please note: TSLL is supported by you, readers who take the time to stop by (merci!), peruse and sometimes welcome into your life mentioned and recommended finds. Affiliate links are present in today?s post and may earn commissions for TSLL when you purchase. View TSLL?s full Privacy Policy here.

Petit Plaisir

~Gâteau au Yaourt Citron

~Annika, tv series on PBS Masterpiece Mystery

?In a simple and a peaceful cottage with a beautiful view, you will not be dreaming about the palaces or the heaven, because you already have a perfect thing!? ? Mehmet Murat ildan

To feel welcomed, to feel deeply at home in a sanctuary, to feel 'cozyed in', almost as though to be hugged without confinement and instead inspire infinite curiosity to explore and play. To me, all of these 'feels' are what comes to mind when I think of the classic English cottage, both inside and out.

Over the next many months and years, I look forward to exploring and sharing elements of the English Cottage aesthetic, the interiors, exteriors and the garden of a cottage because as many of you know, my home, Le Papillon, is what I consider to be a cottage. Perhaps it began with watching Nancy Meyers' film The Holiday and the cottage I later learned she had built especially for the movie, Rose Hill cottage, or maybe it was the interiors of the many homes profiled in The English Home magazine that I have subscribed to for over 10 years and continue to eagerly await the arrival of each new issue. Whatever precisely drew me to the English Cottage aesthetic I cannot pinpoint, but I always take notice of how I feel in a space, whether I am traveling and staying at vacation rentals, bed & breakfasts, hotels, or even at friends and family's homes. What makes me feel most at ease? What details attend to my needs to bring me comfort? Where can I truly relax and feel at home even if I am not at home? And mentally I took note, and finally, with my house here in Bend, Oregon, Le Papillon, I have been able to customize, paying attention to all of the details - grand and small that, to me, whilst adhering to the fundamental components of English cottage, create a sanctuary I feel at home, deeply at home when I am here.

There are oodles of interior décor components that contribute to creating the English cottage aesthetic, so I wanted to begin with where I began and what is in my own home, Le Papillon. Below I will be sharing pictures and images that offer the vignette, a close-up look at the details discussed here in today's episode/post, and for each image, you will have the option of clicking through to tour the entire space and how I pulled it together (explore becoming a TOP Tier Member to gain exclusive access to all tours of my home, Le Papillon). As shared in the title of today's episode/post, this is part un, and I look forward to sharing many more elements that are in my home in future postings/episodes.

First to begin with the history of the English Cottage and Cottage Garden. As Christopher Lloyd and Richard Bird share in their book about Cottage Gardens, "It has come down to us through the ages [to be] a bountiful yet regulated informality." While they are specifically speaking about the cottage gardening approach, the same can be said for the interiors as well. Everything that is chosen is thoughtful, intentional, but it may not appear to be so to the untrained eye. They go on to say, "[The Cottage and Cottage Garden] has evolved through common sense, combines need with enjoyment and is entirely unpretentious."

With that definition in mind, let's take a look at the first 15 Key Elements I included in my English Cottage-inspired home, Le Papillon.

~Please note, while I give quite a bit of detail in the written post below, I also share even more in the audio version, so please do feel free to tune in wherever you listen to podcasts.

1.Ignore all trends of the moment at any moment

"Ultimately, good taste is a considered point of view, and the courage of conviction even in the face of dissent." ?Fiona McKenzie Johnston

Before we dive in to today's topic, it is important to differentiate between classic English cottage and Cottagecore, the latter becoming a booming décor trend during the depths of the pandemic, but they are not the same, and the latter is a trend. Similar to the more recent trend that began on social media, the Coastal Grandmother style (both décor and fashion), a trend; however, if something offered by either one of these trends speaks to you, hold on to that. Explore that element and that becomes part of your good taste suggested above in the quote.

The problem with adhering to a trend is that by definition, it will go out of style, and a new trend will replace it. The primary (perhaps more unconscious) reason both of these trends rose to popularity when they did has a lot to do with the times we found ourselves: we were seeking comfort, we were seeking something that brought us calm and certainty during some of the most uncertain and unprecedented times we have ever seen across many different generations. This is not a bad thing. Again, if an aspect of a trend speaks to you, there is a reason, and that is how we hone our understanding of what will work for a long duration of time in our homes as we decorate for the life we love living. Secondly, regarding the problem with trends is that you are not decorating in an approach that honors you, but rather following what others approve of, and in such an approach to life in any arena - decor, fashion, life choices - this is never an approach that will lead to true, lasting contentment.

So we let go of trends and dare to trust that what we know makes us feel good, feel at home, even if magazines or social media says 'huh?', and what we also do, and this is key, is understand how good design works. The reason I mentioned the need to not just acknowledge what speaks to us about a trend, but also explore it, is because we must understand the décor principle that makes such a decor detail work in that particular way. We'll talk about this more in #2, but I have always been drawn to the expertise mixing and matching of prints the English seem to know how to do intuitively, except I know it is learned, and so I took online décor classes and discovered exactly what works and why, along with many other insider tips and tricks, before I invested in items I wanted to have in my home for a lifetime.

2. Wallpaper, prints, large and/or small

The power of wallpaper with prints is that it is an illusion to the eye and actually makes the space feel larger than it is. Unlike with solids either regarding wallpaper or your typical paint job, a solid wall of any color stops the eye. We will talk about this more with upholstery as well, prints while beautiful and artistic, also serve the powerful and necessary purpose in what typically are small in square footage/yards that cottages are.

Long-time readers of the blog know I have wallpapered multiple rooms in Le Papillon (six rooms as of this posting), and I have done so all by myself. I didn't begin by doing this task on my own however, but am grateful I had a good teacher. So yes, you can wallpaper on your own, just make sure, as I share in this detailed post, you purchase quality wallpaper, and you are half-way to creating an amazing space.

With that said, sometimes the wallpaper will be the guiding detail that determines all other decisions in the room, such as my guest bathroom below. It was my dogged determination to find a space in my house to bring the classic Willow Bough print by William Morris, one of his first creations in 1870, and so when I decided on my guest bathroom, all of the other details had to complement the room that was bathed in willow boughs. However, the wallpaper can also simply complement, and that is what I have done in my foyer by using grasscloth as it provides a warmth due to its texture, but is not the star of the show.

As well, small versus large prints, the large prints as you might imagine lead the way, but the small prints complement what the other stars in the room are. Choose the same color tone as those star pieces, but they need not be the same color, although they can and likely should play off of at least one color in the wallpaper. For example, my next project when it comes to curtains is to add roman shades to my kitchen, but as my house has an open floor plan, I need to pay attention to the colors in the Boot & Basket room as well as the dining room which are situated on either side of my kitchen, so my friend, Veronique, an interior designer, saw the green in the wallpaper, noting the color tone that I need to adhere to in order to work with the Provençal blue in my dining room curtains, and told me to find a print with some in green. That gives me direction of what to work for as the curtains will not be the star of the show, but must complement the details around it.

~Here is a detailed post of 12 British Wallpaper Companies to Know

The Arts & Crafts Guest Bathroom Reveal

How to Wallpaper All By Yourself (Yes, You Can!)

3. Mixing antiques, vintage, consignment finds with new, but thoughtfully considered new pieces

This detail of cottage decorating is one of my favorites, and perhaps yours as well, the treasure hunting! Of course, and yes, we need to underscore, that clutter is never a comfort, so always letting yourself purchase what is drawing your eye just because is not a great idea unless it serves a purpose and has a home in your cottage along with being something that caught your eye. Cottages are small, and just like the cottage garden, each item does two things - provides beauty and functionality.

Part of the reason it takes time to decorate a cottage is because just because something is beautiful doesn't mean it is functional and just because something is functional doesn't guarantee that it is attractive to your eye, i.e. all of the technology and gadgets available for modern living.

Think of it as a treasure hunt and then this searching becomes more pleasurable because when you finally do come across say a newspaper rack/holder that is desperately needed to keep the papers from being strewn across the floor on Sunday morning while you cozy into your reading nook, you will also be welcoming in something that is pleasing to the eye but exercising a function that you need for a tidy home.

Overarchingly, this is why it is necessary to mix old and new items. Yes, you will likely have more old in the form of vintage, antique or consignment, but there are just some things that have to be new, certain chairs or furniture to fit the size or height of people in your home. For me, I needed a long sofa and a deep one, so I customized one as it is the star of the room, and the investment was worth it for years, decades even, of cottage style I love but also comfort I needed. (You can see my sofa in many of A Cuppa Moments video chats.)

4. Remove the over-head lighting

This rule is not exclusive to cottages, but rather how to create a welcoming home. Nobody looks their best under lighting from above (unless you are young and perfect and blissfully ignorant to the benefits of youth). Overhead lighting also creates a harsh effect that is not warm nor soft on the eye. Yes, there will be places in the home or in your working areas depending upon what work you will be doing where overhead lighting is necessary, but even then, customize it so that you can dim it to your preferred brightness.

The only two places I have overhead lighting that go full-tilt bright are in the kitchen and the garage. And in my kitchen, my overhead lighting is on a dimmer. In fact, all of the new light fixtures I have put into my home during my 2-year renovation/customization are on dimmers (advice from British interior designer, Rita Konig - always put lights with dimmers when installing the electric outlets). Even if your home has overhead/ceiling/can lighting, do what I do, and don't use it and better yet, take the lightbulbs out so that they are never used by mistake. This sounds extreme, but you want to feel comfortable in your house, so add the lamps (we will talk about this in a later point below) that create the lighting you want that is in your control; this possible with table lamps, floor lamps, picture lights and semi-flush, pendant or chandelier lighting.

5. Relinquish the idea of perfection and avoid matchy-matchy

The beautiful puzzle of the English cottage is that when it comes together delights me to no end, and it is the ability to match seemingly different prints and colors in a manner that fits together perfectly, as though they were meant to go together. How do they do that?!

First, let's talk about avoiding the matchy-matchy. It is completely understand why people (and I count myself among them) do this, it's safe and it doesn't 'break' any rules or is not harsh to the eye. However, if you are decorating your cottage, you have broken the rule because a cottage is meant to look almost accidentally put together when really it was quite intentional, but there is a playful element, a daring element that reveals a bit about the inhabitants, what you love, what makes you smile, where you've been, your favorite color, etc.

Avoiding the matchy-matchy doesn't mean you can't do it everywhere, but when it is what you rely on in every room, it doesn't reveal you. For example, I have two pairs of matching lamps, one in my living room and one in my primary bedroom. For me, they create balance, a solid, subtle foundation because they are placed (especially the living room lamps) in a space that has a lot of different prints, details and non-matching furniture.

So essential, use matchy-matchy not to play it safe, but when it actually provides a value for the décor aesthetic you are trying to create in the cottage. Which brings me to letting go of perfection. A cottage never looks partnered off or symmetrical, but yet it feels balanced. How do you do this? It is easier to learn this skill by looking at whole room pics, so I highly recommend picking up copies of The English Home magazine, but you might have two armchairs (as I do in my reading nook), but they don't match and have entirely different prints. To the casual eye, this appears imperfect and off balanced, but its in balance because they have the same color tone, and that tone is married in the curtains that stand between them. I still have two chairs, but they don't visually look the same, but have the same 'weight' to the eye.

The perfection is what you want to let go, but what you create that establishes the balance will be perfect to you.

?Be faithful to your own taste because nothing you really like is ever out of style.??American interior design Billy Baldwin (1903-1984)

6. Ottomans

A cottage beckons you to sit down and relax. How do we create an aesthetic that speaks this language? Well, ottomans play a powerful role in the symphony of details in a cottage. I once had two friends come to dinner, a couple, and when they walked through the foyer and into the open-plan, after I asked them to pick any seat they'd like to sit in, they said, "I cannot choose, they all look so comfortable. Each one is asking me to sit down and relax." That is what I hoped I could create. That was the goal even if the English cottage style isn't their preference, there is a feeling I want to create for everyone who walks in, and that is the feeling when it comes to choosing my furniture.

Ottomans by nature ask you to put your feet up on them, to essential stop doing, and just be. There are so many different styles and sizes, so have fun finding the right ones (yes, plural) for your home. As I look around me, I can count four ottomans or hassocks (smaller and lower to the ground) that are in my house. They all perform a function, but their fabric or finish also work in the space aesthetically. One matches the chair it is paired with but it also is the hassock so my pups use it as a stepping stool to climb up into the chair. I will admit an error on my part because I have another armchair and purchased its matching ottoman. I love having the ottoman, but moving forward I might someday have it reupholstered to not be so matchy because there is too much of that one fabric in that corner. This is how we learn, and if we purchase quality pieces of furniture then down the road when we want to change it up, all we have to do is reupholster, not purchase an entirely new piece. Saves money and is a sustainable approach to decorating.

7. Reupholster furniture you love

Speaking of reupholstering. ?? One of the best arguments for purchasing high quality furniture is because of what we just talked about in the conclusion for #6. Likely your tastes will evolve a bit or a lot, but when you have a favorite well-made piece of furniture, you can have it for life. The upholstery may change, but having an ideal cozy chair or sofa or dining room chair is near priceless for an item that you will have to pay well for.

I have reupholstered a chair I inherited from my late Great Aunt and Uncle's home, a chair made in the 50s, had the cushions redone as well as the fabric to one that worked in my office, and each time I look at it, yes, I love the look, but it also holds many wonderful memories that make me smile. I have also purchased consignment furniture that I love structurally but not the fabric (often this will save you money because sometimes the fabric is what is keeping it from being purchased), and had it reupholstered (my office chair for example that you can see in September '22's A Cuppa Moments).

8. Have fun selecting or customizing your pillows, put them nearly everywhere

I once heard a man, he happened to be American, but I think that is important to note, say he would never want pillows anywhere in his house (he had recently finished entirely remodeling his house). Indirectly, he was insinuating that they were feminine and he didn't want to appear 'weak'. Long story, but needless to say, I wanted to say (but bit my tongue), you are missing the purpose of pillows dude. Admittedly, when pillows are used just to 'look good', then yes, by all means get rid of them. I agree on that, but there is a purpose to having pillows if they are well made and in the right shape for the piece of furniture they are placed in.

For example, on my George Sherlock sofa, which is incredibly deep, you cannot sit upright without having a large 22" square pillow behind you, and it must be a somewhat firm pillow. So over the past summer, after more than a year of figuring out which fabric would work best in the space of my living room, I had six 22" square pillows made with five different fabrics. They serve a purpose - the ability to sit comfortably, can be rearranged if you want to lay down, and they also are covered in fabrics that work with the sofa and the space.

~Tour my primary bedroom and learn about the three different sizes of pillows I chose and why I chose them.

9. Curtains, tall, complementary curtains for rooms of cozy-ing-in

There are a variety of different curtains to explore adding to your cottage, and I look forward to touching on many of them in future postings, but today I would like to share with you where to add tall drapery in your cottage: anywhere you want to relax and unwind. Tall curtains, some ceiling to floor, but at least as tall as you and likely taller, and then draping to the ground, soften the space, enable you to change the amount of light that streams through, and finish a room. What rooms am I talking about? Bedrooms, reading nooks, some bathrooms - near a soaking tub perhaps, dining rooms. Keep in my all that was shared about fabrics and mixing and matching prints above, as the same rules apply to finding what is the best fabric for your curtains.

~Tour the curtains in my dining room (right) and reading nook (below).

~Learn more about the wool, semi-sheer curtains in my primary bedroom.

~Discover why I chose the linen curtains that hang in my primary bathroom.

10. Table lamps, invest and have fun

As shared in #4 above, once you have removed or no longer use the overhead lighting, you need light coming from somewhere if you don't have enough natural light, and this is where table lamps and floor lamps come in. Of course pendant and chandelier and semi-flush work well also, primarily in the kitchen, entry/foyer, mudroom, hallways, offices, but additionally to all of these rooms and especially to living rooms and bedrooms, add light that is at slightly above eye level when you are sitting, then add a shade that works in the space aesthetically. Don't feel you have to use the shade that the lamp comes with if that is the case.

One rule of thumb Rita Konig teaches is wherever someone can sit down, make sure they have a place for their drink and light to read. Again, add dimmers if that is an option with your lamps, but this design detail has been a conscious choice upon moving into Le Papillon, and I have now added 3-4 lamps to the previous other lamps I have had for many years, some I have since changed the lamp shade to work in their new space.

11. A fireplace, wood or gas, adorned with thoughtful classic, signature attention

If you are fortunate to have a fireplace in your cottage, whether it is a traditional wood-burning or a gas fireplace, even if you don't use it very often or at all, decorate around it thoughtfully keeping all of the ideas shared above and below in mind.

I recently redid my mantle around my gas fireplace because it was modern in its aesthetic. I changed out the title, using a classic cottage choice - Delft tile - added a wooded frame and even added two scones because again, following Konig's advice, wherever you are going to sit, have a place for a drink and lighting to read a book, as I have two chairs that sit next to the fireplace, I needed a place for a lamp and there is not enough for a table, so I placed the light in the form of scones by each chair.

On top of the mantle, be thoughtful, trying not to clutter, but don't let it be too sparsely adorned either. Have fun, and change it up when you are inspired to do so which leads me to #12 . . .

12. Strike a balance of intentional bountiful decor, yet not excess

Sometimes cottages without an understanding of how to create cozy without clutter can become overwhelming in too much upholstery or too many 'cute' details. That to me is claustrophobic. Be bountiful by the way of, avoid being minimalistic, and so long as each item fits the two requirements - beautiful and functional - you won't have an excess.

13. Invest in a quality goose or feather down sofa

I mentioned above that I have a George Sherlock sofa. This was a big investment item, but after having lived with a consignment sofa that was not well made for many years and before that a sofa, the best I could afford at the time, for 15 years, I wanted to purchase a lifetime sofa that was both comfort and aesthetically appealing in the cottage aesthetic that I love, so I invested and customized with fabric that works in my space. What does that mean? Plush fillings of down and feather to the firmness of my preference and a structure that will last my lifetime. I may reupholstered at some point waaaay down the road, but I will always keep this frame. It is sturdy and provides the comfort (i.e. space and length) that I need for someone who is tall and hosts dinner parties where many people need to find a seat in a small space that is my house.

14. Upholstered chairs of all types

The upholstered detail is a must, but not everything needs to be upholstered. This is where that balance must be struck. You will want some wood and hard structures - whether in the entire make up of the piece of furniture or in the feet or arms or the chair, table or sofa. Balancing soft and hard surfaces, appropriate to each space calms the eye and also communicates what the use of that space is.

15. Design a cottage that considers what makes your dogs and/or cats feel at home

A cottage without a pup or a kitty is like living life without smiling. Our pets are just part of what makes our cottages feel like our sanctuary. Of course there will be times in our lives when we do not have pets because we know how much they take of our heart and it takes time to grieve and know when or if we will welcome a furry four-legged companion into our lives, but either way, knowing we have a home that our pets will feel as though they are welcomed as well is part of the key essentials to decorating and customizing a cottage.

The first 'customization', as I shared in my new book The Road to Le Papillon was for my pups: a dog door installed into an existing solid door. Over the first year of my living in Le Papillon I also added a screen door to my garden porch and small fenced yard that also had a dog door, and there are so many other ideas to consider when making the human home be a pup or cat's home as well. From having cozy beds for each pet placed in a spot in the home that is with people while we go about our daily routine, creating their dining area to be inviting, attractive to the eye and in a safe but still part of the house spot where they can eat in peace, visit the water bowl at their leisure and not feel rushed, and something that is vitally important to their mental health, just as it is for humans, is to have ample natural light streaming into the cottage as much as possible.

A priority when I purchased my now home was knowing that my pups had direct access to the fenced lawn, although they are never kept outside, and can always come in through the dog door. As well, having a garden for them to toodle about in with me is as much for my mental health as it is or them as we spend many hours between February into early November (if the weather permits), sitting outside, sometimes on the porches, but also on the grass in the shade or out in the sunshine, cutting flowers for bouquets, picking berries together (the strawberry pots are our favorites), and just genuinely feel as though we have our own 'entertainment center' of sorts because we have our own garden, no matter how small it is. As I keep it organic, I know they can poke around safely, and always know which plants are poisonous should they want to chew on plants which typically is only when they would be pups.

Needless to say, a home for me is not a home, and in my case, my cottage is not a home without my pups, and it is a true joy and delight to know that they feel just as comfortable, safe and welcomed especially when we arrive home from a long trip, and I observe how they move about almost in a sense of relief to be back in their space because they are a big part of my life and joy.

Norman enjoying his new bed as shared in the episode directly next to my office chair, so in easy reach of petting and staying apprised of where Mom (me) is going.

Decorating the interior of our cottage is a process that takes time, and if the goal is to create a cottage where we feel most at home, that means we must be patient. Perhaps we don't have a house that is technically a cottage but hope to one day, as I shared in this post, you can always begin purchasing items that will be perfect for a cottage you will live in some day. So many of my current pieces I use and love were purchased years ago (the tulip chair that I reupholstered for example, was purchased more than 20 years ago), and it is this time that creates the cozy, because the pieces are more than just 'things'; they hold memories and remind us of either people, or times in our lives that were pivotal, powerful and deeply personal to our life story. Such a feeling cannot be purchased on demand to create a cottage that is our sanctuary.

11 Decor Pieces to Purchase Even If You Don't Live in Your Dream Home Yet

As I sit and type this episode/post, my two pups are snuggled up in the living room with me, yes, after one year since the passing of my sweet boy Oscar and with much thought, examination and especially consideration for what would be best for Norman, we welcomed a little girl into our lives. Not to replace, for she is beginning her own unique life story and journey just as Oscar had his and he will always be held dearly in our hearts. I will be gradually sharing more about her in the coming weeks and months, but if you are a TOP Tier Member, look for a proper introduction in next month's A Cuppa Moments. Now to this current moment where I find myself in my cottage on a sunny fall afternoon, my gentleman boy Norman is in his favorite chair that was handed down to me from my parents and to them from a friend, and my sweet little girl is nestled next to me on the English sofa I spoke about above draped with blankets I have had from many different chapters in my life and the pillows created after working with my dear friend Veronique and fabric from a small business based in England whose fabric when I saw it, I said, I will find a place for it as it brings a smile to my face when I see it. This is home. This is comfort and cozy and calm, and it took years to reach this point, but it feels as a cottage should, personal to the people who call it home, as though it is made for them to just be, nap, read, rest and enjoy the everyday.

Today's list was hard to keep to just 15 items, so rest assured there are many more items I will share that focus on the interior décor of a cottage along with the exterior and garden. I look forward to sharing them with you so that you too can create a cottage you love living your life and savoring your everydays. Thank you for stopping by and tuning in.

~Peruse all of TSLL's Remodeled Rooms here, and to view any post individually, explore becoming a TOP Tier Member for exclusive (and ad-free) access.

SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY

34 Ideas for Adding Cosy for Your Everyday

10 Décor and Remodeling Tips I Learned While Customizing My Home to Create a Cosy Sanctuary

10 Brands for Cosy Cottage British Décor (shopped & recommended)

Petit Plaisir

~Chicken Schnitzel and Lemon & Herb Salad

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #341

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

 

"The best day in your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. It is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins." ?Anonymous

We wake up each day, often in our own bed, in the home that is ours whether directly or indirectly, and our mind too begins to wake up as well. The wheels turn by habit, and it is the habits we have cultivated that determine how we perceive the world, its possibilities, therefore our possibilities, the possibilities that the day will bring. Not expectations, mind you, which are different and actually distinctly subtly ruinous as when we have expectations, we close our minds off to any other possibilities that may delight, enliven, and deepen the beauty of the day. To awake each day and to hold our minds open to what could be, rather than narrowly focusing on what must or should be, our lives begin to change in the most amazing and beautifully wonderful ways.

So how do we give ourselves the best chance to make today the best day of our lives? Well, it all begins with each of us, as we have the leading role in our story that is our life journey.

Today I would like to share with you 7 ways you can give the best chance to making this the best day of your life.

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #340

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"The paradox of [contentment] is that it doesn't matter about our situation of life as meditation gives us freedom in the mind, but [when we cultivate contentment] we want to try to create an environment that is good for our body and mind." ?Andy Puddicombe, Headspace

Welcome to the premiere of the 9th season of The Simple Sophisticate podcast.

In September 2014, the podcast debuted, and continues to premiere a new season each subsequent September. If you are new listener, be sure to explore all of the past episodes located on the podcast page here on the blog, and if you would like, begin with episode #1 which is the most downloaded episode of the entire show.

I want to take a quick moment to thank the more than 1,050 listeners from around the world who have written a review for or ranked the show on their preferred podcasting platform. I try to share listeners' reviews on episodes of the show as my way of thanking you for taking the time for sharing what you enjoy about the podcast because it genuinely makes a difference, and new and potential listeners read what you share, taking note to find out what this show is all about. And most importantly, I know you have many things that occupy your attention, and ranking and especially reviewing takes time, so thank you very much for giving of your time. (below is a snapshot of the past couple of weeks of the show, and you will see in the upper right-hand corner the total number of reviews and rankings)

The Podcast has moved to Wednesdays!

As you no doubt have noticed, today's podcast episode is appearing on a Wednesday and that is not by accident. Moving forward as I began sharing this past summer, the podcast will share new episodes on the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of each month. The reason for moving the show from Monday to Wednesday is to accommodate a work week that honors when I have the most creativity and time to give to writing and producing the show. For the first 6-7 years of the show, I wrote, taped and produced the show over the weekend due to my teaching schedule during the work week; however, now that I am exclusively writing and can design my own schedule, I want to dedicate my Mondays to writing each new episode and Tuesdays to taping and producing so that I can bring a fresh new show to you every 1st and 3rd Wednesday of every month.

With that said, there is still inspiring content to kick off a brand new week on the blog in the form of the weekly Monday Motivational post that will be shared every single week so long as there is a Monday in it (which there always will be!;)). Be sure to check out this week's Monday Motivational post here, Saying No to a Culture of Non-Truths and Finally Finding Inner Calm.

Now to today's episode which concludes with two Petit Plaisirs as we celebrate the commencement of a new season.

"The paradox of [contentment] is that it doesn't matter about our situation of life as meditation gives us freedom in the mind, but [when we cultivate contentment] we want to try to create an environment that is good for our body and mind." ?Andy Puddicombe, Headspace

To live a life of contentment is to live a life of inner steadiness, a feeling of being grounded and self-assured (not to be confused with arrogant and all-knowing) no matter what is swirling around you outside of your mind and body. I share on the homepage of the blog and again on the Introductions page of TSLL the definition of True Contentment which is not a term most people are familiar with. Happiness, yes, most people think they know what happiness is, but Contentment, rarely uttered and therefore rarely understood, and therefore, many are less likely to understand the awesome gifts and elevation to the quality of your life it can bring.

I took extra time when we were redesigning the blog last year to be very clear about communicating what Contentment is to new and current readers, explaining how Contentment, while different from happiness, is absolutely related. Take a look below at the distinction.

For today's episode, exploring the paradox of contentment, I am going to zero in on the first bullet of the list above in the green box: when you invest in cultivating contentment within yourself (which is entirely within your control), you can navigate every day well no matter what the external events may be.

But first, let's talk about what a paradox is.

The definition of Paradox:

a seemingly contradictory statement involving two (or more) ideas that initially are perceived not being possible to exist simultaneously, but upon investigation and further examination, state a truth.

The paradox of contentment begins and requires that we begin with becoming a student of mindfulness. Through meditation (of which there are many ways to practice - you don't have to be sitting down, you can practice walking meditations and many other styles, so be sure to find one that suits you), you begin to gain more awareness of your thoughts, and are then, with consistent practice and time (i.e. patience) begin to step away objectively from your thoughts and assess them rationally, noting why they arose, what needs are not being met, etc. because you become a more honest student of yourself.

Fundamentally, living a life of contentment doesn't just happen; it is a choice, and a choice we choose over and over again, but because we are consistent in our choice, we gradually begin to see the benefits of doing so and the choice becomes easier and easier and then becomes a healthy, constructive habit that is foundational to living our lives well. A more peaceful and rested mind; a mind for decision-making that has more clarity; a kinder, less defensive engagement with the world and to ourselves; and many more benefits (explore TSLL's Archives in the category of Contentment to discover them all).

Let's break that down.

Contentment is all about cultivating inner peace and calm regardless of what is going on around and outside of us, of which we have no control. It is when we begin to live a life of contentment that we begin to, as Andy Puddicombe's quote above states, "create an environment that is good for our body and mind." The latter half of this paradox is that our outer world begins to improve, change and reflect the peace and calm we feel inside. Directly, this change in the outer world, is not guaranteed, because we don't have control over anybody else's choices but our own, but how we bring ourselves to the world, how we engage, the decisions we make, what we prioritize, how we think and thus how we communicate, what we say, how we say it, if we even choose to say anything, is the energy that determines what we will experience in ways we cannot predict. And as you will begin to see, that constructive brave and loving energy is given back to you, and you begin to experience the living of your life in a more joyful way.

Gradually, through meditation which strengthens the mind, Puddicombe shares, "you begin to create the conditions both internally and externally, for peace of mind."

One of the most difficult parts of choosing to live with contentment and accepting the above paradox to be true is that we cannot know when or how all of this will occur. As humans, our Lizard Brain wants to know. And if we cannot know for certain, we don't want to dare waste our energy, but here's the irony in the refusal to invest in contentment. By choosing to live a life of contentment, you actually fuel yourself instead of drain yourself. You won't be wasting energy by learning how to cultivate contentment. You will be giving your life a deep breath, an energizing boost that on great days will take you even higher and on difficult days will sustain you and help you to healthily navigate through.

Immediate versus distant results. Or more directly, short versus long term results. Let's take a look at the difference.

First of all, I'll be honest, as humans, and especially in our culture of immediacy and shortened attention-spans, we want results immediately. I do as well. Count me on that list. We want to know if something is going to work before we invest. Of course, it will depend on what you are looking to invest in, but when it comes to your peace of mind which is a core component in your mental health and well-being, relationships and how you engage with the world in your place of work, community and home, it is hard to imagine anything more important to invest wisely in. And most substantive, deep life affecting investments take time to render their benefit. Sometimes the benefits are what never have to experienced because they have been mitigated by making the wise choice, and other times, the benefit of having clarity about what our heart and true self needs takes time because it asks us to be courageous up front, to take a seemingly huge risk up front without any promises, and then stay the course and continue to be a student, continue to apply the skills, continue to practice healthy daily habits, but then all of a sudden, you stop and look around you, and you are expressing gratitude for having cultivated loving relationships, a career that gives you purpose, a life you enjoy living each day and a world that is progressively improving. These awesome things take time, but they also take conscious effort and a brave person to ground themselves first to discover how to live well, and that starts with living a life of contentment.

The paradox of contentment demonstrates that the most difficult part of living a life of contentment is at the beginning when you are just starting to dare to trust that cultivating the necessary skills of self-awareness, mindfulness, etc. Why? Because likely the environment you live and/or work in, the relationship (maybe not all) that you are engaged in, don't nurture the values you are trying to strengthen. However, with consistent, intentional effort, because you are living a life of true contentment, you begin to have the strength and trust in making different decisions that build relationships and an environment that does support how you want to live, and because you are surrounding yourself with such an environment, it becomes easier to live the life you had envisioned when you began the journey.

Below are a few examples of how our outer world begins to change and as a result of living a life of contentment, further nurturing the values of our choice.

how we spend our time - we seek out activities, hobbies and routines that fuels us and excite us rather than drain, deplete or reduce our self-esteem and energy

our homes become sanctuaries that we care for thoughtfully, decorate with patience and careful consideration knowledgeable of how our home environment affects us and what we need it to provide when we cross the threshold upon returning home.

because we have set boundaries, fewer people in our lives violate them, and if they do, we are less stressed because we know how to clearly set them and walk forward with or without them depending upon whether they honor what we can or cannot do.

our hobbies and our job/career become more fulfilling because we are honoring what lights us up, have been courageous in honoring our true selves and taken risks to explore, step toward what piques our curiosity

our relationships, the ones we have either kept or chosen to step into, are richer and more loving and uplifting because we have the energy and the courage to be brave and loving with our words and actions, our time and our valuing of our loved ones' needs as well as being clear about our needs and bravely communicating and lovingly listening which eliminates resentment and builds trust that the relationship - romantic or platonic - is mutually consenting and truly loving rather than constraining and limiting.

As we all step into a new season, and in many ways a new year, as I shared in Monday's Motivational post, while it takes time to see the benefits we consciously wish to welcome into our lives, it seems that far quicker than we might predict, the beauty of our days and life present themselves and we are experiencing them every day, in everyday moments.

Thank you for tuning in to today's episode and the first episode of Season 9 of the podcast. I have two Petit Plaisirs to share with you, and look for a brand new episode (episode #340) on Wednesday September 21st.

Don't forget that the 5th seasons of The Simply Luxurious Kitchen cooking show kicks off this coming Saturday, September 10th right here on the blog. Look for a trailer of the new season to be shared later this week on TSLL.

Petit Plaisir

~The Split, BBC series on Sundance

~The Forever Dog: Surprising New Science to Help your Canine Companion Live Younger, Healthier and Longer

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #339

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

 

It's been said that taking the Eurostar (which runs under the English Channel, connecting London to Brussels, Paris, Lille, Rotterdam and Amsterdam) is much more like taking a plane ride than taking a train ride, and in many respects, I would have to agree.

Why? It's swift, it's non-stop and there is wonderful service and amenities for comfort as you drift along in either direction.

Today's episode/post is for the first-time traveler choosing to take the Eurostar and especially for those of you like me, who don't live in Europe or Britain and want to see as much of the two countries that you love during one trip with ease.

I booked my first ticket on the Eurostar in 2012, boarding in London, destined for Paris. Riding Standard (aka Coach) with my traveling companion, the ease of having your luggage with you, sitting in comfortable seats with spacious seating arrangements all the while knowing the only stop will be your stop eased my mind as it was the first time I had traveled abroad to Europe since 2000.

Fast forward to 2022, and I booked our Standard Premiere tickets (there are three classes - Standard, Standard Premiere and Business Premiere), leaving Paris, departing for London. The upgrade was lovely and worth the additional space, a bit quieter (although Standard was fairly quiet as well), and the upgrade in dining service was oh, so good. But I am getting ahead of myself.

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #338

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

 

 

Since the beginning of TSLL blog in 2009 and with the podcast when it began in 2014, I have regularly shared French-inspired ideas to incorporate into our everyday routine (be sure to check out Podcast Bundle #2 for many of these episodes). And the more I observe and savor how such choices elevate my life, as they become habituated, mature and marinate so to speak their way into my way of living, I discover how consciously welcoming such details deeply affect a positive change in how I move through my days.

For example, the muscle of savoring is strengthened, and I see more readily minute details to appreciate whether in my own home life or when I am out and about. I now more easily and without apology delight and exude my excitement without editing because it is not others' approval I am seeking when I, for example, get a good night's sleep that is in large part enabled by breathable sheets - à la linen! or when a flower blooms from a seed sown years ago, sitting next to an herb or a berry, planting inspired by the idea of cultivating a potager.

After more than a decade of welcoming such changes into my life, there are many that remain and feel a part of me, as though I could not imagine living any other way because it simplifies as well as adds a touch of luxury to my life as well as functioning just as I hoped it would and then some. While some on this list may not be exclusive to the French culture, it is in my exploring the French culture that I was introduced to the idea (for example, #1 on the list). Whenever we come across a way of living that speaks to us, in whichever culture we may find ourselves, that deepens our appreciation for said culture, and our affection seems to organically strengthen and take root.

Let's take a look at the list.

~Please note, I go into detail for each of the items below on audio version of the podcast. You can listen by clicking the 'Play' arrow above or download wherever you enjoy listening to podcasts.

1. A floppy straw sunhat for gardening or visiting the market

2. Brocante finds

My First Brocante Visit (5 Tips I Learned)

11 Helpful Tips for Visiting and Shopping at Marché aux Puces de Saint-Ouen in Paris

Online Brocante shopping:

Rabbit Hill French Lifestyle (online pop-ups every first Saturday)

Sharon Santoni's My French Country Home online Boutique

3. Focus on skincare, and thus, minimal makeup

episode #258, 22 French Beauty Secrets Worth the Investment

13 French Beauty Products I Love & Recommend

4. Linen everywhere - clothing, sheets, curtains

French Linen: The Fields, The History, & Why It Is Truly Luxurious Fabric

5. Simple hair style, less perfect, more healthy and loose (even when in a chignon)

6. Un croissant on the weekend

French Croissants et Pain au Chocolat, step-by-step (cooking video included), Season 2, episode #6 of The Simply Luxurious Kitchen cooking show

A recent breakfast on the garden porch, enjoying one of the croissants

7. French thé

~Stop by tomorrow as a new giveaway will be posted (the 3rd) and a bag of French thé will be paired with something quite luxurious to enjoy your favorite cuppa.

8. Mix and match favorite décor aesthetics

episode #228, 21 Parisian Décor Ideas from Ines de la Fressange

A Villa in the Golden Triangle of Provence: Villa Dæsch

9. Savon de Marseille soaps

~be sure to stop by the blog today for a giveaway to four lucky winners (must be a TOP Tier Member to enter), of 2 bars of Savon de Marseilles soaps made in France.

Traditional Marseille Soaps, petit plaisir, #321

Enter the Giveaway here (it will be posted at 4pm Paris time, Monday). Be sure to enter by Saturday August 20, 2022

10. Growing a potager

10 Plants (Herbs, Berries, Vegetables & Flowers) I am Growing in My Potager and You Can Too! (2020)

However you choose or are inspired to welcome the French culture into your everyday life, let your curiosity guide you. I am confident you will discover even more appreciation of the everyday moments and routines, and your 'savoring' muscle will become quite strong. Thank you for stopping by and tuning in. Be sure to explore all of the posts and the second podcast episode shared this week during TSLL's 7th Annual French Week.

Petit Plaisir

~Damman Frères Thé

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #337

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

 

"In the same way that a car that is well-maintained will last longer and be more reliable, you cannot hope to get the lasting high performance you want from your brain if it is not properly cared for and protected." ?Kimberley Wilson, author of How to Build a Healthy Brain: Practical steps to mental health and well-being

Here on TSLL blog and the podcast, I have explored many topics within the first two subjects whether pertaining to emotional intelligence, relationships and communication, so when I came upon nutrition-trained Chartered Psychologist Kimberley Wilson's book - How to Build a Healthy Brain, I was intrigued and wanted to explore its contents. In so doing, I found what she had to share to be founded in a vast amount of supportive research from reputable institutions (in the United Kingdom and the states) as well as written in an approachable prose for readers, like myself, who do not have an educational background in the field of neurology, but genuinely wish to understand how their brains function and how to care for the brain well in order to live well.

Today's post/episode is an introduction, a tasting menu of sorts to explore the wide ranging areas in our lives that contribute to the health (or malnutrition) of our brain and thereby, its capability to work to its full capabilities.

Upon sitting down to read the book, once I began, once it was in my hands and I was reading it, it was hard to put down, and annotations now decorate nearly every page. Having completed my first reading of the book, I went back through and took detailed notes summarizing the key points that spoke to me and that I wanted to incorporate or strengthen in my own daily life. I will be sharing those here, but by no means is the list complete. The science of how the brain works, the parts of the brain, etc., are detailed in the first couple of chapters, and are worth reading prior to reading the entire book on your own as she lays a clear foundation of the parts of the 'engine' that make up the brain.

While I will be focusing on what to do to strengthen and nourish your brain, reading her book details what happens when the brain is not nourished properly. For example, what chronic inflammation does to the mind and the effects witnessed in our daily lives such as depression, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and other neurological maladies. However, because I want to lift today's conversation to focus on preventative and constructive habits we can add to our lives to create a stronger sense and state of well-being, I will be focusing on what you can begin or continue to do and how it nurtures the brain, thereby elevating the quality of your entire life.

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #336

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

Of all summers, the summer of 2022 understandably beckons us to travel, explore and leave our homes and the towns and cities we have been staying close to for nearly three years due to the pandemic. Perhaps even our homes want us to leave so it can have a breather from us!

However at the same time, with demand high, prices for travel fare are driven ever higher as well, so it may not be in the budget to travel during the summer season, or simply it just may not be of interest to travel as it indeed will be busy, at times chaotic and even stressful which negates the purpose that most of us align with traveling for a holiday.

With all of that said, if you have chosen to stay put this summer, just as I have, I wanted to share ideas for savoring this time of year at home and in your home town wherever that might be. After all, we spend the majority of our lives in our abodes and in the town where our home address is found, there is most definitely a reason we remain, and hopefully a reason founded in appreciation for where we have the good fortune to call home, so let's explore how to make it even more special.

1.Permit yourself the luxuries during the summer season you discipline yourself from when working

If you are spending your vacation time at home, be intentional about permitting yourself to wake up when you are ready (put away the alarm clock), take a nap if it calls you to do so, make your favorite meal, say yes or no as you please to invitations and opportunities - only partaking if you truly want to. Create rituals that you love and enjoy them throughout your vacation at home.

2. Turn off your phone or limit who you let contact you

To immerse yourself in the mindset of being on holiday while staying home, remind yourself that part of getting away is to be less available. Set clear boundaries for a week or two, however long your holiday at home will be, as to whose calls you will take, what messages you will respond to and how often and when you will check your email. In other words, let yourself be free from being requested, needed, and required to do anything that does not let you wholly relax. Do not feel guilty about this. You need time to just be and do as you are drawn in order to reap the benefits of what a holiday is all about.

3. Tend to a garden and revel in the beauty that comes forth

As the temperatures rise, when you are home, you can easily ensure the garden is watered well and regularly, whether you have plants in the ground or in pots. And it is during the summer months that the work in the garden decreases and time spent outside luxuriating in the beauty that begins to share itself is a priceless, evanescent treat. Knowing such beauty only lasts for a short period of time makes it all the more special. Seeing the butterflies dance about from flower to flower, witnessing the cherries ripen into their ruby red splendor in a blink of an eye it seems as July arrives, and waking up to blackberries blossoms nearing their transformation into fruits to nibble on are moments that can only be savored in summer, making it all the more difficult to ever want to travel during these precious warm months.

With my schedule now my own as I work from home, no longer having to only have my summers off as was the case when I was teaching, I am looking at the calendar and considering when would the best time be for me to travel, and I must say, because I love to savor the garden that receives so much planning and preparation during winter and spring, it will be hard to travel during the summer months as the years unfold. The garden during the summer is less in need of attention, and is now more a space to relax and savor the hard work you have given to it. With each year's passing, the garden matures and begins to present the vision you had in your mind, but it takes time, so most definitely, spending time in the garden is a highlight for me when I choose to stay home during the summer months.

4. Create an outdoor area to relax

While for half of the year in Bend, it is too cold to sit outside on the porch without a coat and other bundling accessories, the other half of the year is pure bliss outside, so I have intentionally created three (and hopefully in the future will add a fourth) outdoor areas that invite me or my guests to relax, slow down and just savor the natural beauty not only of the garden, but of the beautiful weather and long summer days.

Perhaps you have a porch where you can add a swing?, or is there a nook where you can add an Adirondack and foot rest to while away hours reading in the shade whilst the birdsong fills the air? Add a small bistro table and chairs to enjoy dining al fresco, or add a lounge chair or settee upholstered with outdoor fabric to withstand the sun and elements and relax in true comfort (and maybe close your eyes for a bit and take a nap).

7 Ideas for a Porch Swing Living Space for Luxurious Calm

~explore becoming a TOP Tier Member to take the tour of rooms, indoor and out, at Le Papillon~

5. Explore new recipes in your kitchen after visiting the local farmers' market

With open-air markets in full swing, the fresh seasonal produce is abundant and invites us to try making a dish we may have never given a go in our own kitchen. Find a cookbook that shares recipes aligned with each season (I have shared a few below), and find a recipe for the produce you find at the market. Give yourself permission to invest in necessary ingredients to make the dish what it has the potential to be, and then have fun bringing it to your dinner table (or dine alfresco under the lights).

Seasonal Cookbooks I recommend:

The Home Cookbook by Monty and Sarah Don (2010), look for it on consignment book sites as well. I found mine for $20 (this included shipping) from World of Books Nigel Slater's cookbooks: Greenfeast: Spring, Summer The Kitchen Diaries: A Year in the Kitchen with Nigel Slater Notes from the Larder: Kitchen Diary with Recipes Herbs: Delicious Recipes and Growing Tips to Transform Your Food by Judith Hann Six Seasons: A New Way with Vegetables by Joshua McFadden Cooking in Season: 100 Recipes for Eating Fresh by Brigit Binns (c/o Williams-Sonoma) Local Dirt: Recipes for Eating Close to Home by Andrea Bemis

6. Pick up the weekly or summer entertainment guide for your town/city

Here in Bend the summertime offerings have returned and the entertainment is aplenty and then some. From concerts in the amphitheater, events downtown, multiple farmers' markets now open, trails to hike and high lakes and rivers to explore with the paddle or kayak. Whatever you most enjoy, let yourself do so. Take your low-back chair and find a spot at the concert of the performer who is coming to your hometown. Revel in the opportunities right at your doorstep and partake. Even if you have to go alone, which I often do to the concerts at the amphitheater here in Bend, you know your hometown, you will likely run into acquaintances or people you know and discover you have something else in common - the same preference in music!

7. Watch a movie outdoors in your garden or lawn

Perhaps inspired a bit by Home Again starring Reese Witherspoon, but it really is as simple as draping a light-colored sheet over a line strung from two parallel points, purchase a simple projector to connect to your laptop or tablet and enjoy sprawled on the grass or in your lounge furniture, sipping a glass of wine, and nibbling on something scrumptious and fresh. Just remember to be mindful of the sound/volume and your neighbors.

Outdoor portable projectors:

PortoProjector (less than $100) GooDee Projector (less than $200) Here is a review list of the top Outdoor Projectors from PCMag List from Good Housekeeping for Best Outdoor Projectors 2022

8. Enjoy breakfast and/or dinner al fresco regularly

9. Explore the many parks and walking areas in your town/city

10. Give yourself permission to slow down and take time to just be, regularly

Especially when it is hot outside, let yourself relax somewhere cool without feeling the need to be doing something. If you take a nap, let it happen, and let yourself rest.

11. Host a garden party, small and intimate or large

Whether for aperitif or a full meal complete with courses, invite friends and/or neighbors to enjoy an evening in your garden and outdoor spaces.

12. Find the water and enjoy it how you want

Depending upon where you live, the type of water you have access to will vary. Here in Bend, we are fortunate to have rivers, lakes, swimming recreational centers and even a white water surfing park. As many readers of TSLL blog know, Norman and I like to stand-up paddle, so during the summer, we try to do so at least once a week at a variety of locations either in town or just out of town on the road toward Mt. Bachelor.

Being close to, in, or on top of water is soothing. If you live near the ocean, take walks, sit on the sand, take a book to read, whatever nurtures you, do so and savor being near water. However, the access to water need not be vast bodies of water. Consider adding a bird bath or a small DIY water feature with a solar generated fountain (find one here for fewer than $20). Simply being near water can be incredibly soothing and calming which again is the essence of going on holiday, to bring a feeling of calm into our lives.

13. Read, read, read to your heart's delight

Often summer gives us more time to read what we want, rather than work materials that while we may enjoy them, are still required reading. While in the summer months what I read doesn't change, it is how much time I have to read that lengthens, and I savor this time, gobbling up more books, which leads to more books, and new authors and titles to explore.

14. Schedule outings to be pampered

If you don't already have regular facials scheduled in your calendar or a regular massage, any self-care pampering that is out of budget to enjoy on a regular basis, schedule your favorites during your holiday at home. This will not only give yourself something to look forward to, but the pampering itself will feel as though you are on vacation.

15. Hire someone to clean your house/car/mow the lawn/etc.

In other words, any have-to chores you don't enjoy, spend the money you may have had to use for travel to have someone tend to your chores so you can fully relax around your home and in your daily routine. I personally look forward to someday hiring lawn-care (mowing and edging) as the noise and jarring to my hands is uncomfortable. Such chores, whatever they are for you, look to delegate them and look at it as buying yourself time to do as you want rather than as you have to.

16. Invest and complete a project in your home to create an even more beckoning sanctuary

The project need not be something you hire a contractor for which would likely take more than the three months during the summer. But whether the project in your home décor is something you can do yourself - painting or wallpapering or swapping out new light fixtures, or giving yourself the bathroom you had always dreamt about, why not explore creating a space in your sanctuary that elevates the comfort you feel when you step into it.

Just this past week, the curtains for my living and dining room were installed. This detail of adding window treatments to the open-plan living spaces immediately transformed the space in my eyes - providing warmth, separation of designated areas and sophistication - softening the light, as well as letting more light in, providing privacy, but also creating more welcome. The image at the top of today's post offers a petite glimpse at the curtains in my dining room, and I look forward to sharing a full video tour in this coming August's A Cuppa Moments video chat with TOP Tier Members as well as sharing a detailed post on the blog for TOP Tier Members in August to source as well as share tips for customizing your own curtains, an investment that for me will be with this home for the lifetime of my residence here at Le Papillon.

Finishing a project that changes the space in your home, creating a different mood from what you felt at the beginning of the summer is a reminder that the advantage of taking time off and staying home during such time that we give ourselves can yield powerful benefits to our daily lives the rest of the year.

17. Add a sartorial detail of preference to your summer capsule wardrobe

When we are planning for a typical holiday getaway, we will often access our wardrobe to see what we need for a comfortable and enjoyable trip. Why not do the similar assessment for your summer holiday at home? What do you need to enjoy spending more time in your garden, wandering the markets, visiting your hometown haunts? Whether it is one item or a handful, doing so will again set the tone that staying home is a choice and doing so whilst feeling good in what you are wearing does make a difference.

~Explore this past week's This & That: July 22, 2022, for Panama hats

Outfit of the Month: Summer Ease

Staying home during the summer holiday season can be thoroughly enjoyable. It begins with a mind-shift to keeping an open mind to explore all of the possibilities and then asks you to shift your habits and approaches to everyday living: doing more of what brings you pleasure and delight and being determined to step away from guilt society or ways you were raised or nurtured drilled into you as wrong. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your well-being; in fact, quite the opposite, and if it begins by just taking a week or two in the summer to permit yourself, perhaps you will notice the benefits it brings into your life and explore ways to integrate what works best for you throughout the entire year.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday. Bon Voyage!

Petit Plaisir

~The Home Cookbook by Monty and Sarah Don

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #335

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

Bonne Fete Nationale!

To those of us celebrating outside of France, we may be celebrating France's national holiday with an exclamation of Happy Bastille Day, but within the borders of France, as I have been reminded more than a few times, it is Bonne Fete Nationale or Le Quatorze Juillet! Whatever you prefer to utter, it is a day of celebrations for Francophiles, and while TSLL entire premise when it comes to living simply luxuriously draws much inspiration from the French way of life, today I have lined up 24 ideas for you to celebrate July 14th in your own way.

The above vineyards in Provence take me back to my trip in 2018, and oh, how I long to return. Soon, I reassure myself, soon. But whether we have the opportunity to stand on the terra firma of France at the moment or pay homage from afar, we can absolutely partake in the annual celebration.

I am looking forward to even more deeply celebrating today's events in the simple activities that fill my day: a sipping of French thé in the morning, watching the 17th stage of Le Tour de France, making herbed gougeres for apéro time in the evening and bringing them with me to gather with a dear friend who grew up in Belgium at her home here in Bend to dine in celebration of today being Le Quatorze Juillet. Parfait!

Now to the list with many links for further exploration on many of the items shared.

1.Watch Le Tour de France

Vicariously travel throughout the countryside of France for three weeks as the annual cycling event takes place. Watch on Peacock (ad-free, $9.99/mo or with ads, $4.99/mo) if you live in the states, and for all other international viewers, read this detailed post on VeloNews for exactly where to stream for your country. Peacock also offers the option to watch the international broadcast rather than NBC's broadcast which I flip back and forth from every other day from time to time.

2. Plan and then shop for a favorite French meal (check out TSLL's many French-inspired recipes here)

3. Don't forget the cheese and salad course (before dessert and after the main entrée)

4. Play a game (or two) of pétanque

(this game was being played in Paris just outside of the window of Hôtel Particulier Montmartre near Sacre Couer)

5. Gather with fellow Francophiles for a French meal beginning with apéro time

6. Pack a picnic and go somewhere amongst Mother Nature (don't forget to pack the wine and bistro wine glasses - sturdy, but lovely)

from La Rochère - the classic bistrot glass (out of stock at the moment). Shop all of La Rochère's glasses here. Shop the brand on Wayfair here.

7. Visit a local farmers' market, and be sure to bring your market tote

All You Need to Know About the Markets in Provence

Find Your Perfect Provençal (or simply French) Market Tote

8. Begin the day with a fresh baguette picked up at your local bakery

9. Une croissant s'il vous plait!, pair with cafe au lait or hot cup of thé

~explore how to make your own croissants here in episode #6, Season 2 of The Simply Luxurious Kitchen cooking show.

10. Select a bottle of wine from your favorite French region or the next region of France you hope to visit as inspiration to bring your next trip to fruition

~explore Châteauneuf du Pape wines (I pick mine up at both Trader Joes - they carry one varietal at a great price for this vineyard, as well as my local wine shop for more varietals and vintages)

11. Seek out French thé and sip a hot cup in the morning to begin the day - pair with your croissant perhaps? :)

12. Cook a classic soufflé au fromage avec fresh herbs

13. Organize a cheese and wine gathering

14. Watch a French cozy mystery series

~explore the latest This & That weekly post which includes additional Francophile Finds, including more French television shows I recommend.

15. Look around your home and discover how you can add a touch of France to your sanctuary, or yet another touch :)

16. Shop and purchase French lingerie to update your lingerie capsule wardrobe

~Chantelle is one of the French brands I highly recommend for high quality everyday lingerie (and they are currently in the middle of their annual summer sale). As shared on this podcast episode Aubade is a quality French lingerie brand I also shop.

17. Make a Clafoutis Aux Cerises with the cherries just now ready to harvest!

18. Conclude the evening by watching a favorite French film

19. Listen to TSLL's Escape to France playlist - over an hour of French music to enjoy

20. Prefer lyric-free music? Listen to TSLL's French Jazz Cafe playlist

21. Make a simple French crêpe for dessert - Lemon and Brown Butter Sweet Crêpe

22. Speaking of crêpes, make a Buckwheat crêpe (or galette) with prosciutto, gruyére and egg

23. Read a French book to explore further the French culture

~Explore all of TSLL's Francophile Finds for books here.

24. Add a French cookbook to your kitchen library - add one each year to further inspire your culinary journey into French cooking

~Explore all of TSLL's recommended cookbooks here.

10 Favorite French Cookbooks for Your Kitchen Library

25. Fall asleep enveloped in French linen sheets

French Linen: The Fields, The History, & Why It Is Truly Luxurious Fabric

***EXTRA**** Mark your calendars for the 2nd full week in August as each year TSLL celebrates all things French during the Annual TSLL French Week here on the blog. (explore all posts and giveaways shared in previous French Weeks here on the blog)

~Explore becoming a TOP Tier Member of TSLL Community to not only enjoy ad-free reading blog-wide, but also be able to enter all the giveaways presented during the Annual French Week (and access to exclusive content - tours of TSLL's home), as well as be able to curate a library of your favorite blog posts.

Of course there is much French-Inspired content to peruse and explore on TSLL, so be sure to find all of the French-themed posts here, French-themed podcast episodes here, and TSLL's Best Selling book in the category of France Travel The Road to Le Papillon: Daily Meditations on True Contentment, as well as TSLL's 1st book (with an entire chapter dedicated to French-Inspired Living and France Travel and 2nd book. Thank you for stopping by and santé!

Petit Plaisir

~Délicieux, the film

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #334

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

"When it comes to jet lag, there ain?t ? I report from the window seat of a bustling café in Montreal, hence this paraphrasing of Leonard Cohen ? no cure." ?Mark VanHoenacker, a Boeing 787 pilot for British Airways and the author of Imagine A City: A Pilot's Journey Across the Urban World 

The first time I flew abroad from Oregon to Europe (in my case France), concerns about jet lag were far from my mind; in fact, because I had so many other questions to answer and unknowns dancing in my mind, I didn't think about. I was 20 and planning to study abroad during my junior summer of college in Angers, France. I saved up for the $800 round-trip economy-class ticket (2000) by working three part-time jobs, took the necessary prerequisite courses, conferenced with my professor de Français, and along with not knowing I would need an adapter and converter to at the very least blow-out my hair and curled it, I also didn't think to investigate what jet lag was. Being the first member of my immediate family to travel abroad to Europe, I was figuring it all out for the first time on my own, and jet lag was never a word that popped up in conversations.

Fast forward to 2012 and my second trip to France that included England as well. Thankfully I had a close friend who having lived in England for a time and thus traveled back and forth from the west coast to England often, had a few suggestions for combatting jet lag. Nothing worked superbly, but none of the advice hindered my thorough enjoyment of visiting London for the first time, and then returning to Paris. Jet lag persisted, but if it meant I would be able to be in the two countries I loved, it didn't matter a bit.

Each trip following the two shared above, 2013, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2022, I have gradually tried to tweak, adjust and determine what works best to mitigate jet lag's effects, and while I have come to the same conclusion as the British Airways pilot above, as he too shares in his recent article in The Financial Times, there are ways to lessen the discomfort and the prolonged effects.

But first, it is important to note what jet lag is ? any time you travel quickly across two or more time zones and is caused when rapid travel throws off our circadian rhythm - the biological clock that helps control when we wake and fall asleep (source) 

The more readers I hear from and fellow travelers I meet, the more I realize that where you are traveling from (home departure city), thus the amount of time difference you are undergoing, makes a difference, and so I decided to write specifically from my experience as a traveler from the west coast of the United States venturing to Western Europe where most of my excursions take me. With that said, as many readers/listeners of TSLL blog/The Simple Sophisticate podcast are Francophiles and/or Anglophiles and our destinations are the same even if our departure city is different, it is my hope that some of the tips shared today may be applicable when tailored to your flying itinerary.

~Note to readers: More details are discussed in the audio version of this episode than are shared below, so be sure to tune in.

1.Depart in the early afternoon

When scheduling past trips, excluding my most recent trip in 2022, I selected early morning flights to give myself more time at my desired destination. As well, often earlier flights in the day were a bit less expensive (I have not noticed this to be the case as of late, but in the past). However, when taking the most direct flight possible, leaving in the afternoon on the west coast has the arrival time in France or England in the early evening the following day which lends itself well to having a nice meal before exhaustedly going to sleep in a comfortable bed.

As well, leaving in the afternoon gives you time to gradually begin the day, go through your regular routines, partake in a healthy 30-minute or hour-long exercise routine, and generally, prepare to sit for a very long time. When I am able to exercise and not feel rushed, the rest of the day and any unknowns that pop up are easier to navigate, and I can more easily relax since my body has had the opportunity to fully move, stretch and receive what it needs.

2. Arrive in the late evening in Europe

If leaving in the early afternoon is not an option, at least try to schedule your arrival time in Europe in the early evening for the reasons shared above. Whether you were able to catch some sleep on the plane or not, your mind as well as your body is tired and after being fed well in your destination city, wants to stretch out and relax. Rather than fight trying to stay awake until night arrives should you arrive in the morning or early afternoon, when you arrive in the evening, you don't have to fight your body and just let it do what it yearns for.

3. The fewer connecting flights the better

If at all possible, scheduling-wise and/or budget-wise, choose a direct flight, or the closest thing to it (I have to take a short hop from Redmond to an international airport, typically Seattle, Portland or San Fran, and then my international flight departs to Europe from there). Not only do you save time, but it is less stressful, thus it doesn't exhaust your mind unnecessarily which is already going to be confused when you arrive due to the time change. Mind exhaustion on top of jet lag prolongs your ability to adjust, and the shorter the hop, the less stress incurred.

The many farms seen in the countryside in Normandy.

4. Try to sleep on the flight

Even if for only a few hours, do your best to find a way to experience real sleep. Real sleep where the hours invisibly whisk by and you wake up feeling somewhat, if not quite a bit, rested and energized. In my experience, the fewer hours I am able to sleep on the trip, the harder/longer jet lag is to recover from on that particular end of the trip.

5. Invest in Business Class if/when possible

In episode #329 I shared my experience flying Business Class on British Airways during my recent trip in April 2022 to Britain and France. Needless to say, even if it takes a bit longer to save up for each subsequent trip abroad in order to fly in such comfort, I will do it. It is worth it, largely because of the reduction of stress and my ability to sleep well. And as I shared in #4 above, when you sleep well during the flight, you reduce (not eliminate) jet lag.

My flight to Europe in Business Class provided more than 4 hours of sleep, and while I did feel the effects of jet lagged for about two days upon arrival, this was far better than it has been in the past. No doubt my excitement being back in Paris helped to overcome some of the feeling, but as I assessed what else may have contributed to an easing of this expected feeling of exhaustion, confusion, malaise and inability to sleep naturally, the one primary variable that was different was the flight I chose and the amount of sleep and quality of sleep I received.

My seat in Business Class on British Airways, bedding products from The White Company

6. Hydrate as much as possible while flying

While toasting with sparkling wine as the journey begins is tempting and certainly something I enjoy doing as well, refrain from too much alcohol as it dehydrates you. Instead, seek out as much water as you can, and even the multiple bathroom-runs are good for you as it gets you up and out of your seat which is an activity that sets your circadian rhythm. The more you can do to set your circadian rhythm to knowing when it needs to be awake and when it needs to rest (the reason why airlines dim the cabin light uniformly for everyone and set the meals as they do), the more quickly your mind will be able to settle into the new sleep schedule.

7. Take a hot bath before bed

Whether at your travel destination or when you arrive home, just before you want to go to bed, take a hot bath as this helps to relax the body and interestingly enough, drop the body temperature which helps you fall asleep.

A deep soak of a bath at The Savoy while staying in London. Take the tour of our stay in this detailed post.

8. Begin to simulate, ever so slightly and gradually, the new time zone before you leave

While a subtle shift at home may not seem beneficial, for me, this is actually quite possible as I like to go to bed early, and an excuse to go to bed one hour sooner, wake up one hour earlier is not a detriment. Of course, this will depend on your work and home schedule, but if you can, it may reduce jet lag a bit so it won't last as long when you arrive.

9. Be gentle and patient with yourself, gradually shift into the new time schedule

Our brains are wonderful tools, but it takes time to change them, and that includes its sleep schedule. When our sleep schedule becomes disrupted, our mind is confused as to what it is supposed to do, so be gentle and patient with it.

When I returned home this past April, it took about 7-10 days to get over my jet lag. Finding myself falling asleep on the sofa at 5pm with eyelids I could not bribe to stay open at any cost, I let myself fall asleep, and pushed myself to stay awake an hour later each night until I was finally back to my regular bedtime routine.

With all of that said . . .

10. Understand there are many jet lag remedies, but honor what works for you

I won't list the suggestions I have received over the years I haven't found helpful for me, or the beliefs from other travelers about what is most difficult (direction of flight) because what is true for them is true for them. However, sharing what has worked and why I have discovered it does work, had I been able to understand these truths, is something I would have loved to have known earlier in my travels but likely could not have known. Knowing that I needed to, for want of a better phrase, 'feel my way' through jet lag to figure out what happens and how I respond to it gave me the tools to figure out how to reduce its effects that most negatively affected me. Self-awareness not only helps you live a life you love living in a general over-arching way; it also affords you helpful insights in how to work well with jet lag to best fit your needs to ensure the best trip and experience possible.

For example, as an HSP (highly sensitive person), sleep is especially important, whereas for non-HSPs being able to function well on 5-7 hours of sleep may be no problem. Not so in my case, so now that I know the value of sleep for my well-being, I invest in ensuring I receive a good night of sleep when I travel as I want to enjoy my trip as much as possible, and that includes on the flight.

When we have the fortunate opportunity to travel abroad and cross many time zones, the price of jet lag is a small price to expense, but being aware of how it affects our minds and physical well-being is helpful so that we don't blame our mental lag on the destination but rather our mind's gradual settling in to the new time zone we have taken it to.

Wishing you many wonderful trips and stamps in your passport! Bon Voyage!

Petit Plaisir

~Herbed Salmon

~click here for the full recipe.

~Top image: arriving in London, looking out over Kensington Gardens and Royal Albert Hall

"He who comes home with the most money doesn't win. He who comes home with the most experiences wins." - Steve Smith, contributor with Rick Steves in Rick Steves France 2015

The Simple Sophisticate, episode #23

One of the most exquisite pleasures in my experience has always been having time at home without a to-do list. To enjoy my sanctuary that comforts me, rejuvenates me and allows me to dream so that when I do step outside into the world I can do, seek and produce, is one of the things I most treasure about living simply luxuriously.

And so it began when I was a child, no doubt, as my mother always cultivated a warm home, but as I grew up and became responsible for establishing my own abode, it took much exploration, dead-ins from time to time and investment to create a space that allowed the everyday to be just as stimulating as new experiences brought about by travel.

And in so doing, paying attention to my home environment, I began to pay attention to how I spend my days. Was I exhausted and unfilled at the end or exhausted and feeling productive? Did I have time in my day to spend it with those I loved, converse with those who engaged in creative, uplifting and thought-provoking conversation or care for myself in such a way that respected my overall health? And depending upon my answer, I would tweak, eliminate, maximize or designate more or less time to those activities that improved the quality of living.

"He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much."
-Bessie A. Stanley

As the quote reminds us, living well is truly about prioritizing how we spend our days. Did we make time to enjoy the day, spend it with those we hold dear, take time to respect what our minds and bodies need or did we cram everything into our waking hours in order to fit a mold that we weren't asked for input regarding its creation? Everyone's path to living well will be different, but the key is to know what you want - more loosely rather than specifically. Because as we know, our lives intermingle with the rest of the world, but if we bring our best selves, have good intentions and are willing to be true selves, success is possible when it comes to living well.

Recently, I was watching the travel guru Rick Steves discuss on PBS his explorations through the countryside of France. While staying at Chateau de Pray and dining on their outdoor terrace, his dining companion shared the quote listed at the beginning of today's post. And I couldn't agree more especially when it comes to travel, but why not bring a similar way of living into our everyday? Why not . . . live well each and every day? Why not use the nice china in the middle of the week? Why not treat ourselves regularly to dinner or lunch with a dear friend at a restaurant that piques our interest or tantalizes our taste buds? Why not sleep on silk pillowcases each night?

Many may quickly scoff at such ideas as being too indulgent, thus deflating the exhilaration that is felt when they are only experiences from time to time, but what I hope to bring to your attention today is that with patience and careful planning, everyday life can indeed be lived luxuriously and can actually enhance the quality of our lives. Below are 20 ways to foster a simply luxurious way of living, but these are just a taste. If you would like the full list inspired by the French way of living, check out chapter 10 "Indulging Your Inner Francophile" in Choosing The Simply Luxurious Life: A Modern Woman's Guide.

1. Cook at home. Find simple, yet delicious recipes and discover the pleasures of cooking on your own schedule for your own dietary needs and preferences. (View TSLL recipes here.)

2. Indulge in café time. Once, twice or three times a week depending up on your schedule and enjoyment, select a favorite local café and stop in for some reading time, moseying through magazine time, or chats with friends. Indulge in one of the patisseries delicious sweet treats and lose track of time.

~Les Deux Garcons cafe in Aix-en-Provence, cours Mirabeau~

3. Wear luxurious lingerie everyday. As I talk about in my book, lingerie is a necessity for the woman who wears it, not for those who might see her in it. Why? Because simply knowing we are wearing beautiful, comfortable, luxurious lingerie feels good. And everything begins with our thoughts. If we feel good, we smile more readily, we are more open to new experiences and our attitude is lifted.

4. Let go of busy. A powerful decision that will change your day-to-day living drastically for the better. Busy doesn't mean better or more productive, it simply reveals a life that perhaps could be managed better. After all, living well means living a life of quality. A life that focuses on what is necessary and lets go of the rest. And when you let go of busy, you have more time for moments of simple leisure and luxury that cultivate an everyday life to savor. (Click here to dive into this topic.)

5. Cultivate a capsule wardrobe for each season. Knowing you have in your closet clothes that will make you look and feel your best is a very powerful tool to possess as you begin your day. While this takes time and never really ends due to lives and bodies changing, it is worth our attention. (Click here to learn more about building a capsule wardrobe.)

6. Follow your own schedule. Perhaps it's Friday or even Saturday night, everyone must be out doing something, staying up late, right? Wrong. Your daily schedule is one that works for you and those you spend your time with. Perhaps you prefer Wednesday evenings out because Thursdays are lighter days at work and you enjoy spending your weekends waking up early and getting things done. Whatever schedule works for your goals, intentions, health, family, etc - adhere to it and don't apologize. After all, our lives, needs and desires change, listen to what is nudging you, calling your name and that is where you will find the unexpected beauty.

7. Discover a personal scent. Similar to knowing you are wearing luxurious lingerie is the choice of scent you layer upon your skin before stepping out the door for work or for play. A luxurious decision and investment, but one that will reveal your attention to detail.

8. Subscribe to daily/weekly/monthly periodicals. Running throughout the philosophy of living simply luxuriously is being well-read. Depending upon your lifestyle, curiosities, locale and interests, you will select reading material that interests you. Most importantly, gather knowledge, choose to learn something new each day, read a review of a new play or restaurant and be encouraged to give it a try. Become in the know of current events in order to strike up a conversation with anyone. Reading in truth, is a way of tickling your brain and refusing to live each day the same even if the events may be routine.

9. Save time and don't wash your hair everyday. Purchase a dry shampoo and have on hand for the days you don't lather up. Shampoo less often, thereby saving yourself more time in the morning, and believe it or not, improve the condition of your tresses. (Klorane Gentle Dry Shampoo with Oat Milk)

10. Invest in quality skincare products. In episode #13 of the podcast, specifics are shared on how to create glowing skin, and by investing in quality skincare products, your most beautiful skin will shine. The power of prevention is real, and while it takes time and a bit of investment, the pay-offs are tremendous.

11. Design a workout regimen to look forward to. Whether you enjoy exercising outdoors in Mother Nature or attending classes lead by instructors that inspire you and classmates that boost your mood, explore your interests and community to see what is available and what captures your needs and proclivities. Most people after having exercise will tell you that they feel better, energized and less stress, and if you can bring that into your everyday life, everything will be affected in a very positive way. (Revolver Yoga Studio, Walla Walla)

12. Find time to treasure hunt. Even if you are not necessarily going to buy, poke around in local consignment shops, yard sales, second-hand shops, antique boutiques and even boutiques that catch your eye. If nothing else, you will walk away with ideas on how to design, style and mix and match what you already have.

13. Be sincere, yet kind. While everyone has days that you are simply grumpy for any list of reasons, taking it out on others is something you will most likely regret. And even if you have to deliver news that isn't favorable, there is always a way to do so with kindness. Being conscious of how we treat people and our delivery will almost always be appreciated, and even if it is taken for granted, at least we can go home at night and feel good about the energy we put out into the world.

14. Shop at local vendors and boutiques. Perhaps you live in a town that you hand-selected for the community it offers, but what if you didn't? Either way, supporting local vendors when it comes to food or local boutiques when it comes to shopping for gifts, necessities and products not only builds good-will, but strengthens the economy of the local community. And additionally, when it comes to buying food locally, you benefit your overall health as most foods are free from pesticides and hold more nutritional value that your body craves.

15. Eat real food. Full of flavor that will satiate, real food is a choice your body will thank you for. Processed food may be more convenient and help you reduce the shopping trips to the grocery store, but in the long term, it is a bad investment. Returning home after a long day knowing the food you will be incorporating into your meal will be satisfying and nutritious will remove guilt and properly fuel your body for whatever it may be asked to do next.

16. Elevate the conversation. Easier said than done when we are exhausted, stressed and frustrated, but when you do your best to refrain from complaining and gossiping, you are less likely to go home in the evening regretting or feeling guilty about partaking. In fact, when conversations are full of curious information - books, local events, news, etc - you can walk away inspired, motivated and eager to do something new. Why not bring such a conversation to those in your world?

17. Create an evening routine to look forward to. At the end of the day, your body and mind may be entirely taxed which is why making time (even 15 minutes) for unwinding with a favorite pastime is crucial. Being able to look forward to this simple routine can be the silver lining no matter what your day has unearthed.

18. Schedule regular spa appointments for beauty and health maintenance. Much like exercise, caring for our bodies is a means to caring for our health, overall beauty and mind. So be sure to schedule your facial, massage, hair cut/color, waxing and any other must-dos before you walk out the door from your last appointment. They can often be the respite in a busy week and will no doubt leave you feeling rejuvenated.

19. Stock a bar cart for spur-of-the-moment entertaining. Whether you drink alcoholic beverages or not, stock a bar cart that has drinks and nibbles at the ready for last-minute guests. Even for one or two guests, having a bar with wine, beer or if it's morning - croissants and hot tea keeps the food with the conversation in the living room or sitting room. Luxurious and ready for any everyday occasion. (A glimpse of my

20. Fill your home with inspired music. For techies or retro audiophiles, have your turntable or playlists ready for any occasion. From leisurely jazz tunes when you return from work and wish to read the daily news to beautiful Bach in the morning as you get ready for work, set up your music station, turn off the television and forget about time, even if for a moment.

Whatever inspires you in your travels or remains memorable to you from your past, why not bring it into your everyday life if at all possible? Cultivate an everyday life that perhaps no one would believe is possible, but rest assured it is. After all, as Annie Dillard reminds us, how we spend our days is how we spend our lives. Why not spend your life living well each and everyday?

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Episode #32: The Francophile's Style Guide: The 14 Essentials

~10 Gifts of Mastering the French Mystique

~Why Not . . . Indulge Your Inner Francophile?

~Why Not . . . Find Your Je Ne Sais Quoi?

~10 Ways to Unearth Your Inner Francophile (episode #4)

~French-Inspired Living: Books to Enjoy

Petit Plaisir:

Befriend a local wine shop to ensure great wines no matter what the occasion.

~Liner & Elsen "One of America's six great main street wine shops." -Bon Appetit

2222 NW Quimby St. (off 22nd Ave.)
Portland, OR 97210

They can ship the wine to you! Staff who've helped me in the past: Neil Thompson and Kevin Geller

~Chateau Du Grand Bos (2005) Bordeaux, France (wine enjoyed in the photo to the right).

~Images: (1) a cafe in Paris in Montmartre captured by TSLL

"Your soul needs time for solitude and self-reflection. In order to love, lead, heal, and create, you must nourish yourself first." ?Louise Hay

Stillness.

Silence.

Solitude.

Whether you have ten minutes or an entire afternoon or day to give to quiet contemplation, otherwise known as reflection, when you choose to do so, you ground yourself, ensuring the next "step" in your life journey will be far more constructive and in alignment with a life of contentment.

I happened upon an observation made by Paul Child, the husband of Julia Child, while reading Warming Up Julia Child: The remarkable figures who shaped a legend, while traveling the west coast during the first book tour for his wife, sharing in a letter with Avis DeVoto about the bustle in Southern California whose population was skyrocketing at the time,"'So busy w/material consumption & social whirling,' that they neglected reading and reflection." It was his concluding clause of what he felt was lacking that immediately drew my attention: His prioritizing and valuing of reflection as a regular pastime for a deeper appreciation of art and science, and well, living well, in his opinion.

Unconsciously, it has been my nature since I was a young girl, to reflect often. Likely associated with being introverted, but because it was unconscious, overthinking could occur which was unproductive. However, because I knew and had many examples from my life journey that resulted from being reflective, thinking deeply about a project, life choice, or temporary dilemma, I knew there was great power in being reflective. The skill I needed to learn was how to harness it for constructive purposes and to recognize when it became destructive (when my mind would regress to its Lizard Mind tendency and spend time in the land of worrying and catatrophizing).

?Most true happiness comes from one's inner life, from the disposition of the mind and soul. Admittedly, a good inner life is difficult to achieve, especially in these trying times. It takes reflection and contemplation and self-discipline.? ? William L. Shirer

William Shirer, an American journalist and war correspondent, and notably, the first reporter hired by Edward R. Murrow, acknowledges the need to attain the skill of self-discipline, and the understanding that a strong and healthy inner life is a conscious effort that is not easy, but powerfully rewarding when achieved. In 2010, I shared a list of benefits when we acquire the skill of self-discipline, and over the years I have found to be true that it is when I have clarity about my priorities, about myself and how best to nurture myself so that I am deeply content and at peace that self-discipline becomes easier and isn't a battle with bad habits I wish to eliminate.

It may at first seem antithetical to slow down and be still to gain a better life, but as was discussed in last Monday's Motivational post, it is through subtraction that we increase the quality of our life.

Silence and the act of Reflecting go hand in hand, as we need to provide the space to recall, remember, examine and consider. As artist from the 16th and 17th century Francis Bacon states, ?Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom.? In order to understand, we must slow down. In order to find peace with our direction, we must find the time to be still and ponder all that we have experienced during the day, the week, etc..

Confucius as well prioritized the importance and value of reflection when he said, "By three methods we may learn wisdom. First, by reflection, which is noblest. Second, by imitation, which is easiest and third by experience which is bitterest." To reflect enables us to avoid unwanted outcomes, events, loss, pain and hardship. Similar to a pickup that has found its way into a sinking water-logged mud puddle. To continue to spin one's wheels literally, only digs the pickup further into the ground, making it more and more difficult to be pulled free. It is through pausing, reflecting on the situation, ascertaining a plan that is not identical to the one that brought you to the mud puddle that will enable a desired outcome.

As my own daily life has become far more quiet, I have found myself experiencing moments that remind me of my childhood when I would while away entire afternoons or mornings, completely enthralled with an excursion with my horse or other animals, writing or reading, or simply toodling about letting my curiosity lead the way. Absolute bliss. And such moments were made possible because I gave myself time the year and two years prior to reflect on what was and what was not working in my life, what made me feel fulfilled, grounded and at peace, no matter what others said I should be doing to attain such desired outcomes. In this turning point in my life, reflecting was a vital tool that gifted me with the trust in my decision I had for so long been too scared to make.

As I know there are many fellow introverts as well as HSPs in TSLL community, reflecting, as I mentioned above, is likely already part of your everydays. The struggle I consciously have identified to be a barrier I need to work through (or around) in order to get on the other side of is acknowledging and finding peace with the truth that I thrive in an environment and approach to living my everydays that many people I had surrounded myself with or been surrounded by (due to teaching) don't find to be comforting or nourishing. For so long I expended energy, with my family, with colleagues or friends trying to explain, defend and becoming frustrated sometimes to the point of exasperation as though I was banging my head against a wall, that how I enjoy living my days is the real deal. It genuinely brings me deep satisfaction, elation and it is my place of true contentment. Some of these people I would try to convince extended pity, some assumed their way of living was superior because it wasn't their way and so I must be unhappy even though I claimed otherwise. And so what I am in the process of doing is finding peace with the reality that they may never understand, finding courage to speak my truth in a loving yet strong way, being at peace with the reality that my truth may cause some of these people to feel discomfort in the moment when I share, but I avoid feeling resentful later which is a destructive and unhelpful feeling as I move forward building and nurturing relationships with people who accept a truth they may never understand, and lovingly acknowledge there are many ways to find contentment and thus many moments of happiness.

I share the above journey first because all of my ahas discovered came about through regular reflection. The ahas didn't come instantly, but they did come. Often assisted by reading, as Paul Child paired with regular reflection, because none of us has all the answers to the questions we will come across while we reflect, and so in areas where I didn't understand, I looked to those who knew far more than I did. And the second reason I shared the above journey is because I wish I had heard someone say this to me, to tell me how you live your life, what brings you peace, calm, exuberance need not be validated by others. In the introduction of the November chapter (chapter 11) in The Road to Le Papillon: Daily Meditations on True Contentment I speak about an aha I had about savoring my joy and not asking permission or validation from others to acknowledge that my joy was okay. Once I became conscious that I was actually unconsciously seeking others approval to feel joy, I then gave myself the approval from within and stopped seeking it outside of myself regarding how I enjoy and find peace in my everydays. So if I can give any amount of peace of mind to encourage you to continue to enjoy your days as you do regardless of whether others in your life currently understand, I hope I can do that today and here on TSLL blog.

What exactly does 'reflecting' look like in our daily lives?

Well, let's first take a look at what it is not. It is not meditating. Meditating is a valuable skill and practice, something I wrote a detailed post about sharing six benefits and how to meditate daily, but reflecting requires you to use the mind, to contemplate, to examine, and meditation asks you to observe your mind, to step back and strengthen your ability or simple awareness so that you engage with each day with more mindfulness, being able to hold yourself fully in the present moment.

(1) Reflecting asks for you to find a quiet space. This could be in one spot or on your walk while you either listen to your favorite music, anything that doesn't ask you to think about the content you are hearing, so in order to reflect, you will want to turn off the podcast episode (counter-intuitive direction coming from a podcaster, I know :)). Maybe it is while you are taking a bath, taking a shower, sitting in your favorite cozy chair or outside on your porch or working in your garden. You can be doing something while you are reflecting, but it needs to be quiet which enables your thoughts to wander without influence or distraction.

(2) Journaling often helps us to understand what our thoughts are trying to help us understand. As I shared a couple of weeks ago, often it is when I put what I am thinking about on paper that I make more sense of what I am actually trying to work through. The process of manually telling my hand to write a certain word or idea helps me solidify what I am actually feeling, wanting, or what is causing frustration.

(3) Reading can help prompt reflection, but only if you stop to let yourself ponder and mull over what it is that was sparked in your mind while you were reading. When I was teaching, I prompted my students to annotate while they read because it helped them to actively engage with the writer. And while it did slow their reading down, it also strengthen a closer reading of the text. My description of such reading and writing on the page was that they were having a conversation with the author - questioning, sharing ahas, challenging, understanding, etc..

(4) Regularly engage in reflecting and thus it will become a practice that not only becomes easier to do as you will find great benefit as you go through your days, but you will want to return to this comforting space in your day. Reflecting becomes a space where you are conversing about the day's and life's events, making sense of them as best you can and if you cannot, presenting questions for your mind to mull over in the days and weeks to come. I find the latter to be unexpectedly powerful because our mind is there to help us if we let it. We can sometimes pose a question to our mind, sleep on it, and wake up with an amazing aha we had not thought of but because so much stored information is in our long-term memory, it took our mind time to find where it was located. :)

(5) Practice meditation. I know, I know, I just said that meditation is not reflecting, and I am sticking to what I said, but in order to have an effective and beneficial reflective practice, you must have control of your mind. You need to be able to tell it where to go and where not to go, and how you do that is by strengthening the muscle that is the mind, and you do that through meditation.

The Benefits of Regular, Frequent Reflection

Now that my days have breath, in other words, regular 'white space', something Mozart reminds is how the music is heard and thus appreciated (here is his actual quote, ?The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.?), I reflect every day and have found great strength received, grounding steadiness and a more sturdy confidence in my journey moving forward which is full of so many unknowns. Often the reflecting is in my journal, but it can also occur while I am taking my long morning walk with Norman or our short stroll in the evening. I have had to consciously remain vigilant that my mind doesn't let the reflecting wander where it doesn't need to go - worry, catatrophizing, etc. - places it would go without my knowledge previously of how to stop it or acknowledging that doing so was unnecessary and definitely not helpful, but such bad habits have been significantly reduced if not eliminated. I find this bad habit arises when I am tired, have not given myself enough time to recharge, and so I am being more mindful of my daily schedule as well.

The key to ensuring your reflection is beneficial is to always be focusing on constructive actions and progress rather than ruminating on negative events. The latter is where 'overthinking' and catatrophizing can happen, and there is never a benefit in such mental habits. This is where strengthening your mind gives you the power to direct your mind's attention. This is where meditation is a skill that contributes to reflection as meditation strengthens the muscle that is the mind. Now let's look at the benefits of regular, frequent reflection.

"Honest self-reflection opens your mind to reprogramming, change, success, and freedom."- Vikas Runwal

As well, in order for any of the below benefits to be experienced, you must be brave enough to be honest with yourself. You may not like what your mind discovers upon reflection during certain instances as you realize you behaved or acted or spoke in a way that was not in alignment with who you want to be. You may discover you need to apologize and accept the consequences of your choices, but in so doing, you will learn, and because you are reflecting you are beginning to create positive change.

"Time and reflection change the sight little by little 'til we come to understand." ?Paul Cezanne

1.Deeper clarity of direction

2. Decision-making becomes easier

3. Deeper clarity of your needs, dreams and their roots of origin - are they yours innately or placed upon you by society

4. Better selections of which relationships to become a part of, to invest in

5. Improved relationships - you discover areas you would like to improve, better understand about yourself, and you also find your voice to communicate your needs, desires and interests.

6. Reduction of stress and anxiety as you become comfortable with your own company, strengthening your sense of agency as you trust your decisions and competence to navigate whatever the future presents.

7. Deeper and more restful sleep

8. Improved Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

In order to welcome a regular and frequent practice of reflection, you may have to rearrange your daily routine, but I assure you, the benefits, what you gain, will be more than worth it as you will begin to live a life you deeply love. Changes will certainly be a part of your journey when you begin to reflect in this way, but the changes will be made by you, and will be constructive.

So today, embrace your own company, befriend yourself, as Jane Austen describes the leading character in Mansfield Park Fanny Price, "Her own thoughts and reflections were habitually her best companions." Once you begin to confront behaviors and choices that do not contribute to the life you want to live, you will greatly enjoy the company that is your constant companion, you.

"The capacity to reflect is at the heart of what it is to be an effective learner."- Bill Lucas

SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY

6 Benefits of Meditation and How to Meditate in Your Daily Life

episode #140, Emotional Intelligence (EQ): A crucial tool for enhancing quality in life & work

6 Benefits of Journaling Regularly

Petit Plaisir

?Eiffel, the film

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #332

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music