Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In Today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses the overlap of Big Five traits in normal human behavior and how to understand the conceptual framework rather than getting bogged down in formulaic thinking.  Our next question has to do with anti-anxiety medications and whether they are ever worth taking.  Then we wrap things with a question about being in a great marriage to a best friend but whose romance is fading.

 1. The big five traits overlap way too much! for ex is someone nice because they are agreeable or because they are extremely conscientious and believe it is the right way to behave or are they just intelligent enough to understand that being nice is an advantageous strategy to get people to cooperate with them? any new developments in the field of personality?

2. Are there any situations or personality types where you believe taking anti-anxiety medications would be a good choice? Versus just seeing a good anxiety therapist like Dr. Laura Bruce who most likely isn't covered by their insurance anyway? For example, I am high in neuroticism, also high in conscientiousness.. but also impulsive.. and I'm currently working a high pressure job to pay off a low interest loan. But the job is stressful (I came into it and discovered they were operating at a -160k deficit, I'm being transparent with the board but we are still operating at a big deficit and might need to close within a year or two).. and my friend keeps telling me to get some anti-anxiety meds. In this case, if I *need* to do something like work a stressful job for a year, should anti-anxiety meds still be off the table? Why or why not?

3. What does a position of power with respect to marriage look like. For me the biggest threat to leaving a marriage is loneliness. I’m not a super out going guy and I fear that growing old without her companionship will be very depressing. My wife is my best friend and the few friends I do have are couple friends we both share. My issue is that the sexual romance side of it is fading. We both have decent paying jobs so financially we could comfortably figure it out if we did decide on splitting. I’m also not worried about the one child we have together we are both on the same page that our job is just to give him a good life experience. The main issue is we are best friends and I understand that is partly because our lives are literally interdependent. Separating may server that bond.

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Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. Today's topics are about people who seek and only feel relief if they have deep understanding about certain subjects, a parent who appears worn out from an estranged adult child, and a young man unsure about a long-term relationship.

Listener Questions:

1. Throughout my life, I continue to encounter people who have a deep attachment to understanding. They seem to only feel satisfied, secure or at peace if they understand their object of attention, feel they have a concrete plan of action, or believe that they know all the details there are to know about a situation. Not having these things leaves them anxious, unsteady or even prone to despair. What personality and evolutionary factors are at play here?
2. Most "experts" blame the parents when their adult children estrange from them. Even when there was no abuse, neglect, drugs,etc when they were growng up, and their childhood seemed pretty normal and enriched with activities, family vacations, etc. Is there something else going on? Trying to reconnect or talk may yields a peripheral relationship, meaning once or twice a year a text or phonically for the holiday, yet as older parents, we not only lose closeness with our own children, but our grandchildren grow up unaware of who their grandparents are. The question is, as a parent of two out of three adult children, am I wrong to just be worn out from hoping and trying and wanting to just wish them well now, and move on with my life? It's been so many years they seem like strangers to me anyway.
3.  I'm curious to know more about the 'magic 10%' and how that is impacted by personality. For context, I'm a 32 year old male dating a 30 year old female. I'm high in conscientiousness, low in neuroticism, slightly more disagreeable, slightly more open and slightly more introverted. I've had many sexual partner's over the years, mostly by female's approaching me (I feel gross writing this but think it is relevant for context) but was never in the right frame of mind to settle down. Now I am in my 30s and want to start a family. I have started dating a beautiful girl who I have strong feelings for, though I'm unsure if it is love. She is high in neuroticism, and middle of the road in most other traits. She very much loves me and I really enjoy her affection and spending time with her. I'm unsure how much my personality prevents me from feeling the love that she feels as it is evident to me that she loves me more than I love her. We have started talking about the future, kids, house etc and these are things that we both truly want. My line of thinking is simliar to a 'close enough is good enough', although I know that sounds crass. I would like to know this information as I don't want to turn around one day and have ruined this beautiful girl's life/wasted her time as these are very important years for her in particular.

Follow us:

YT: @beatyourgenes

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Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD, discuss the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.

1. What do you make of the common description that narcissistic/highly disagreeable people “wear a mask.” Do high disagreeables go around actively and purposefully fooling people about their true feelings and intentions any more than other people do? We all try to put on a good face for the most part, but is this actually more true for certain personalities types?

2. I discovered your podcast a while ago, and I've been fascinated. However, something sat not quite well with me, and that is that I couldn't integrate my experience of trauma within your framework. I've been raised by Narcissistic people, and ever since then, I found myself regularly in Close relationships with various narcissistic people. As far as I understand you, this is purely because those can be attractive people and has nothing to do with my upbringing. And I think it does; I think that simply my cost benefit analysis has been skewed that way: that I would consider my parents being worth my while and to avoid cognitive dissonance, I would also accept bad treatment from other people. Or is Cognitive dissonance not a thing in evolutionary psychology? I'd be glad if you could comment on that.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

 Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus - Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses a listener question with host, Nathan Gershfeld.

In episode 328 dr lisle answered a questioner who was frustrated about their lower income relative to friends. One aspect of that question was that life isn’t always about making money or climbing dominance hierarchies. In fact the very same instincts to keep pursing more can lead you to being unhappy. How then does one navigate when to pursue more and when to beat the genes? Are there any rough approximations for gauging this?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. 

Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

 Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus - Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss twin studies, behavioral genetics, and the logic of evolutionary psychology with host, Nathan Gershfeld

Paper mentioned : https://tinyurl.com/j3c7tbt7

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

 Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus - Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discuss the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld

1.  I’m a 29 year old economics major and I’m frustrated because I see friends who have gone into investment banking, big law or medicine on track to make 5-10x my yearly salary. I’m making a decent living on 60k a year but I feel like an idiot for choosing my major and now it feels too late to change. What would you have to say for someone in my position? It feels like I squandered an opportunity. I know life is not just about making money but it’s a hard thing to ignore.

2.  My daughter is a good student and athlete, but she has low self-esteem. How can I help her increase her confidence?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld

Today's question: 

Is psychology doomed to remain a pseudoscience based on the crowd of people who self select to go into psychology? Im a university student and it from what i can tell, the vast majority of my peers and lecturers have no interest questions like why are we this way, how did we get here? Could it have happened any other way? Instead they are mainly just interested in having self serving theory that make them feel comfortable. With one of my lecturers, i was having a conversation about Norway's adoption studies showing that adopted children had their income, criminality and income correlated with their biological parents and not their adoptive parents. My lecturer said to me “i wouldn’t want to live in a world where genes are all that matter”. It feels to me that the major obstacle to psychology is the 90% of psychologists who think this way, and that no matter how solid the arguments from the other side will be, they will just keep thinking what makes them comfortable and call it a “scientific consensus”.

Follow us:

YT: @beatyourgenes

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Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Jen Howk, PhD www.jenhowk.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD & social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD  discuss the following situation with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

I cheated on my husband three years ago while traveling for work.  It was a one-night stand and we didn't exchange numbers or keep in contact.  I don't even know his last name.  Until last month, I've never told anyone about this event.  At the time I cheated, I didn't really care because my marriage was rocky and I felt unappreciated.  But my huusband and I reconnected during quarantine and I started to feel extremely guilty.  Last month, I thought I would try going to confession with my parish priest. He said I need to tell my husband as part of my penance.  I wasn't really sure how to do that, so I've sat on it.  Last weekend, I came home to my husband throwing all of my stuff out of the bedroom and trying to kick me out of the hoouse. He knows everything. Apparently, the priest followed up to see if I'd told my husband, and when my husband said he didn't understand what the priest was talking about, he told my husband about the affair.  My whole world is exploding because I thought confession was supposed to be private. Does the priest have any kind of liability or responsibility? What can I do?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

1. Help! My son just turned 8. He has acquired part of his personality from my mother- he can be loud and will overreact or get really angry about things. This includes being told he needs to stop an activity because we are leaving the house, etc. I am trying to help him manage these outbursts because kids are starting to make fun of him at school for them. Do you have any specific strategies that would help or should I focus more on his diet and sleep? He is normally a sweet boy and these outbursts have improved with age but I feel he needs more support.

2. Is there anything that is the opposite of the ego trap when you have been repeatedly told negative things like that you are worthless and will never amount to anything? If the ego trap is demotivating, is hearing the opposite motivating? If so, can't it also be extremely demotivating as well, especially if your mind is doing a CB analysis of the possibility of success and whether the energy output is worth it, but the people around you are saying that you won't succeed?

3. I have an aunt who is so solipsistic, doesn't enquire about anyone else and is disagreeable. Sitting across the table from her, it's difficult to understand how someone can be so blind to the life of others and narcissistic. She's was divorced by 2 prior husbands. Is disagreeable behavior like this related to the "theory of mind" module and if so can you describe the various demarks on the "theory of mind" bell curve?

Follow us:

YT: @beatyourgenes

X: @beatyourgenes

Insta:

@Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Jen Howk, PhD www.jenhowk.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD  discusses the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

1.  I'm trying to decide whether to go back to work a year after my second child, or to stay home with her till preschool. I have heard you say on your podcast 'it doesn't matter who raises your kids' which I understand to be a reference to twin studies that show that parents have very little influence on how their children turn out (outcomes are about 80% genetic). How do you square this with attachment theory, and psychologists who say that children need one primary caregiver for the first three years or they will be beset with anxiety and depression in their teen years. I am thinking of the book 'being there' by Erica Komisar in which she advocates very strongly for being a stay at home mother for the mental health of your children. I would like to have a third child, but being out of the workplace for 6 years would dent our finances and possibly my self esteem.

2. Dear doctors, I grew up in a Christian home but stopped going to church once I left home. All of my immediate family are still very religious and my parents financially support someone who was my best friend in high school, who has become a missionary. I find that dynamic very unfair and recently told both parties that I feel boundaries have been crossed. My friend asked my parents to stop supporting her but they refused. I feel betrayed by my parents. How do you advise I deal with the relationship moving forward? I’ve already ended my friendship but wish I could be emotionally closer to my parents.

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. 

Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus. Licensed for use. 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1.  Can all personality types be equally happy if they apply diligent effort to worthwhile goals? ie all other things being equal, would a low conscientiousness individual be as happy as a high conscientiousness individual if they both applied their version of diligent effort and equally felt they hadn't left 'anything on the table' (despite those levels of effort and results being very different)

2. You have previously characterized men as "pair bonders or not." How has on-line dating changed the CB here for both sexes?

3. I am 51, happily married for 2 decades and have 1 child. We recently had a huge fight regarding whether we have a responsibility to help others. We have a friend who had a messy, complicated divorce and is struggling financially while still fighting her ex in court over child custody and business matters. He is a lying, unpredictable scam artist . As much as I feel sorry for our friend, I would like to keep a distance from this situation. Last time we saw her my husband offered to pay for a lawyer, and an accountant. While we live comfortably, we do not have the money this woman would need to become unentangled. When we got home I started yelling that my husband should not have made this offer because we really cannot afford it and I don't want her criminal ex husband knowing that we are helping her. While my cavewoman instinct was to protect my financial stability, I found it more effective to (over)emphasize the physical threat this could have on me since my husband travels a lot and her ex knows where we live. The fight escalated as my husband accused me of being selfish, uncharitable, and unwilling to help. I said that my time and energy go into taking care of my home and our family. We have already given this friend money and our time over the years. From an Evo-psych point of view, I understand that I feel a threat to my resources (financially and emotionally) as well as safety. My husband does not see this situation at all like I do. Shouldn't a cave-man have the instinct to primarily care for his family (only) and not spread their resources to another man's family??  Sidenote: while my son likes her kids, I would like to avoid any possible bad influence as one is already dabbling with marijuana. So, threat to offspring is another concern... Please offer any insight you have.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1. I have a friend who is very active in fighting for workers' rights. In fact he has a high level job in one of my country's major trade unions. He often organises protests, and is always the first person on the frontline with the megaphone. On a personal level, he is quite overweight, and I know for a fact does not help out much at home with housework and childcare. I used to think that social activists and social justice warriors were high conscientious types. But now I'm wondering if it is actually a mixture of disagreeableness and extraversion. Are people like Rosa Parks and Greta Thunberg, who we hold up as icons, conscientious or disagreeable, or a mixture of both?

2.  I am a woman in my 30s and I struggle with severe social anxiety and it seems like no matter what I do I can't get better. I'm terrified of wasting any more of my life due to my fears and avoidance behaviors. It's even difficult for me to hold down a job long term because of how hard it is for me to perform in front of others all day. My love life is nonexistent and I don't know how to make friends. What is social anxiety exactly? Is it that I've been stuck in the ego trap for years because I fear status loss? How can I overcome this? I tell myself I have no status to lose but it doesn't help. I get so anxious at times I even dissociate. Counselors just tell me to push through it. Doctors just try to put me on medications. I am tired of being crippled with fear every day and watching my days pass me by. I know the life I want isn't going to come to me while I'm hiding at home. I want to have a life that is meaningful to me but I don't know what to do.

3. I've been with my husband for 5 years. When I am with him I feel so in love, we have lots of good sex, we talk about the future. To me, he's gorgeous. He can't believe how much I enjoy his natural scent. But something happens when he isn't around. I start doubting everything about our relationship, thinking it's going nowhere, that I married the wrong person. Some of my thoughts are we're broke, he's 15 years older than me, I settled down too soon. It feels like I hate him and that he robbed me of my future. Why is this happening? I can't understand how I can feel so in love and then feel so ambivalent.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener question:

Why do people love formulaic media and entertainment? Most of the pop music that dominates the charts is nearly identical. It uses the same four chords in the same progression with similar melodies and lyrical themes. Most of the blockbuster films that gross massive amounts of money tell variations on the same story with similar effects, music, and actors. This seems even more pronounced in the era when massive franchises like Marvel and Star Wars reboot and re-hash the same stories/characters over and over… and over. Even content on TikTok or instagram tends to be made from a formula— the influencers tend to look the same, use the same music, and say/do the same things. Whether in music, film, TV, or social media, we seem to be stuck in a rut where very little “original” art rises to the surface.  I know there is a pleasure trap aspect to this, but I am curious why the majority of our human brains find this type of content so appealing to begin with. Why do we seem to get so much enjoyment from reliving the same experiences? Why do we find these particular types of media so fascinating?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD, social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD, and Nathan Gershfeld, DC discuss the following listener questions:

1.  I am curious about the work of David Sinclair from Harvard about his anti-aging research. He makes some pretty fantastic claims. He does, for example, advocate for a plant-based diet, but then talks quite a bit about supplements, including prescription drugs like Metformin. I also heard him say that although plant-based diets are good, we must avoid foods that spike blood sugars - like rice and grapes. Aren't those whole foods? Grapes, really? What do they think of Dr. Sinclair's work...work considering or majoring in minor things?
2. I’m on the highest end of a healthy weight range even on a whole natural foods diet composed of fruits vegetables whole grains and legumes, with at most 1 avocado per week and 1 tsp of flaxseed per day. No nuts or seeds. I’ve lost weight before by restricting and over exercising, but I couldn’t maintain it. However I felt much more confident at this lower weight (about 10-15 lbs thinner than I am now). As women there’s a lot of pressure to be thin. How do I get over my desire to be thin? Is this something I can ever get over? I think about it every day and am tired of thinking about this.
3. Is the thicker persons' metabolism or spontaneous recovery different from the genetically skinny person? i.e. if your genetics figured out your survival success by having you eat more, weigh more and get more resources, won't your body be genetically predisposed to continue those successful survival instincts that helped in your survival before?
4. I’m having difficulty distinguishing the difference between eating intermediately to grit myself through the extinction curve of a condition cram circuit and eating under the hunger drive. How do I know if I’m eating intermediately or eating under the hunger drive when I got through this process ? Is there like a rule of thumb you would suggest we follow e.g 1 plate of food then nothing for a couple of hours??

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld, DC                           

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Fasting Supervision:  www.FastingEscape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1. If I am understanding what you have said in the past about decision making and free will, the main thing that changes/influences our behavior is new information. So, we really don't have "free will" in our decision making like we think? If this is true, does it mean that -- if we want to have more control or positive results in our decision making -- rather than "trying harder" or "thinking more clearly" we should fastidiously study the situation and accumulate the most information possible. Then we kind of sit back and see what our computer-brain-cost/benefit/analyzer ultimately decides -- even though we like to think WE are making the decision? Maybe I have this wrong. Can you elaborate?

2. I love learning about evolutionary psychology because everything makes so much sense. However, this knowledge often makes me sad because I now realize how many things I can't change, specifically I can't make my disagreeable husband nicer. Do the doctors ever feel this way? Any tips for not feeling defeated?

3. Generally advice givers tend to give big picture advice. However, from listening to the doctors I see much more attention paid to the little minute to minute and hour to hour processes of any meaningful goal. For example, the whole concept of running experiments is to change conditions at the granular level to see if they result in a meaningful difference in affect that supports the general direction someone wants to move in. Why is it that people tend to ignore the small details of change? Is it because they are not very interesting I.e they don’t really sell books?

4. Which political system is best aligned with human nature? And if we could click our fingers and make it happen, what would that look like in reality?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following topics:

1. I loved your last podcast about Buddhism and other perspectives in psychology. I'd love to hear more of your perspectives on spirituality such as how you would describe the personality profiles of popular gurus Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle. They both claim to have been in close to catatonic states of misery/depression, suicidal and then overnight, woke up enlightened. If it's not enlightenment, what are they experiencing? I'd also like to hear your views on other personality profiles such as influencers who end up being con artist and other weird, modern day criminals.
2. Can all personality types be equally happy if they apply diligent effort to worthwhile goals? ie all other things being equal, would a low conscientiousness individual be as happy as a high conscientiousness individual if they both applied their version of diligent effort and equally felt they hadn't left 'anything on the table' (despite those levels of effort and results being very different)
3. I am curious how you would define a “sentient” organism. Does sentience even exist? If we are simply a system of electrical signals that indicates our next action based on a pre-programmed reward/punishment function, then are we truly more “sentient” than the AI personalities currently being built by OpenAI and Google, etc? How and where do we draw the line between an organism or machine that is sentient and one that is not? Do you think this should any implications for the construction and ownership of AI personalities and computer-based neural networks?

    

    

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses the following listener questions:

1. I have read "Blueprint" many times and am still learning so much from that book. It is obvious to me how much of who we are and what we do is heritable. So, what do you do when no one else gets that? Or knows that? Recently I was having coffee with good friends and they were discussing a mother of one of them who is a serious hoarder. The conversation went on forever while they tried to decide why she is like that...bad childhood, loves collecting stuff, mean husband, etc. Finally, I suggested "genetics" and they all stopped, looked at me in horror, and went right back into all their own opinions. Finally, to avoid getting frustrated with everyone, I had to leave. This kind of thing happens all the time as people talk openly about their kids, husbands, friends, etc. I feel like I can't have an interesting or intelligent conversation with anyone, anymore.

2.   I believe that a lot of my problems stem from the fact that my cost-benefit mechanism is faulty! I can never decide on a course of action and tend to miss out on things because I can't come to a decision as to which option is best. I've jumped from job to job throughout my life, I'm now 50, but have never achieved anything career wise due to indecision and the feeling the grass is always greener on the other side. This spills over into every aspect of life as I'm constantly comparing myself to others and their achievements and feel I'm a failure in comparison. Is it too late to do something about my over analysing of everything and is there a way to make my internal machinery stop going around in circles and finally reach some sort of a conclusion? Thanks very much from someone who thought they'd never make sense of humanity until discovering evolutionary psychology!

3. How do you find the balance between “trying” (gritting through something), or alternatively focusing on changing an environmental variable or circumstance. Based on carefully listening to the Drs discussing motivational dilemmas and procrastination it all comes down to a C/B analysis (most of which in unconscious). Therefore what rule of thumb or questions do you ask yourself to know when it is a good idea to potentially grit something out so you can “go up a learning” curve or instead focus your energy on changing something in the environment? To put this into context, I find my job boring… really boring… I can barely focus on the subject matter without my brain wondering, I can also see that if I focused for a few weeks or so and was diligent I would do better and start receiving positive feedback which could change how I feel i.e chane the C/B. So what’s the procedure here? How can I tell if I should be gritting it out or changing some variable in my environment.

4. Do men only love their children for as long as they love their mother? I’m a divorced single mom with two small children. I live in Florida while my ex lives in Colorado and he never comes to visit his children and rarely even calls them. He seemed like a loving father when we were together. When our marriage was falling apart, he seemed to care less about the children. Even though he says he loves them, his actions don’t show it. I have sacrificed so much for these children and love them more than I love my own life, while he’s happy just paying child support and sitting on the sidelines while I do all the work. I’m not complaining at all, I actually prefer it this way, I’m just baffled at how men who claim to love their children can spend years without seeing them. I have many divorced friends in this same situation. It seems to me that men only love their children for as long as they love the mother. Is this true? Is a man’s love for his children dependent upon how much he loves the mother? Even King Henry VIII was an example of this.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1. Do the realizations of Buddhism hold any credibility through an evolutionary psychological lens? Does suffering really come from unfulfilled desires? Why would we evolve to have an unsatiable drive of desires which leaves us suffering?
2. Why is psychology the only field in which evolutionary psychology is controversial? Biologists, computer engineers studying AI and neurologists will all happily discuss evo psych. The most fierce reactions come from other psychologists.
3. Why was hitting kids as discipline so normal throughout history and many cultures today. We now know it has many detrimental effects, so why does it come so naturally or intuitively to humans?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld               

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1. A while back, you mentioned that when someone is financially strained, they can behave as though they are 10 IQ points lower than they actually are. Can you expand on that? In addition, if someone is obscenely wealthy, would you expect that they also would behave differently - maybe also lower IQ? I ask this because a close friend of mine has recently started earning a lot of money, he's 25 and is now making a 7 figure income. For context, he didn't just hit an actual lottery, he's very smart, with a reputable job in a highly specialized field, but he'll do wild, dangerous things that I consider lower IQ. Is it because he thinks he can bail himself out of any mess with enough money? I can't help but wonder if he would be less reckless if he was making a normal income for his age.
2. If emotions are our response to environment to help us survive and reproduce, and we want to beat our genes, should we not focus on understanding and reshaping our emotional response before engaging in rational and analytical activities? If emotions are unresolved, wouldn't that cloud or impair our cognitive abilities? I ask this because a close friend, a conventional therapist, is at odds with me when I discuss what I hear on this show. He tells me of all these success stories of his clients as he explains that he is reshaping their emotional responses with his therapy method. I am a layperson in this field so maybe I'm missing something but how could my friend see so much success if his approach is not based at all on evolutionary psychology?
3. Dr. Lisle - you say that men want to pair bond up. So a 7 will want to pair bond with an 8 or higher.  What trade-offs do the Dr's think men would take in order to have 2 permanent pair bonds simultaneously?  I'm not even sure men want this, but Dr. LIsle has talked about wife, wife, wife, chippy.  Would that same 7/10 male settle down with two 6s vs holding out for just one 8 or 9?  Obviously there's no correct answer but I'd love to hear Dr. Lisle and Jen's best guess on this.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:  

1. How does one go about getting an objective personality test? I have a friend that constantly mentions that they are cursed with being highly conscientious and very agreeable. However most others in our friend group find them not very conscientious, and highly disagreeable. How does low intelligence impact distortions in ones own perceptions of their personality, and possibly reality in general?

2. I am a very agreeable female married for many years. My husband and I very occasionally disagree and I find I need to stand up for myself. He stays calm and I get really anxious in an argument and even end up saying things I don’t even mean in the heat of it all which upsets me and him. Can I learn to stand up for myself but be calmer and if so can you help me with how to do this.

3.  In a great relationship, would a woman feel more comfortable if her mate was right more often than she was during disagreements? 

4. I know that a child’s personality can go through a kind of dramatic evolution from a young age to adulthood. For instance, I know a very pleasant, agreeable young man who was quite obnoxious when he was 10. And I would suspect that this development is all genetic, and that an identical twin would also be obnoxious at 10 and pleasant at 18.   I am wondering if there is a continual evolution  of the personality as an adult that is genetic.  For instance, I know a woman who became increasingly bitter over the years. Is she likely more bitter at 55 than 18 due to circumstances or due to genetics?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses the following questions: 

1. I find snobbish behavior fascinating (sometimes irritating, sometimes amusing), but I don’t really understand the evolutionary basis of it. What are the basic motivations behind and effects of snobbish behavior? Is it insecurity and an attempt to hijack unearned or unwarranted status, a combination of personality traits, or something else?
2. My husband is 56 yrs old obese,smokes all day and eats the SAD diet and does not exercise. He just got a colonoscopy he has diverticulosis,internal hemorrhoids and 3 polyps removed.We are waiting on pathology report.His cholesterol is high and is pre diabetic.I have been trying to motivate him to make some changes to his diet or lifestyle but I have failed.Now he even gets irritated with me taking about it. I’m whole-foods, plant-based and exercise daily.I’m really getting frustrated.What should I do?
3. I am pregnant and in my readings on parenting, I came across the hotly contested topic of infant sleep. In short, the sleep training camp believes that babies need to be taught how to sleep independently, and that the “cry it out” method does not cause any harm. Their rhetoric is heavy on the idea that babies are manipulating their parents and if the parent doesn’t sleep train, then they are creating terrible habits and will be trapped by their child’s sleep. The anti-sleep training camp believes that babies naturally want to be close to their caregiver (like other carrying mammals) and that the “cry it out” method is cruel and does not work. They believe that sleep training ruins the secure attachment that babies need, and that babies who have responsive parents will develop into more independent and secure children. I think the cry-it-out method is biologically inappropriate, but I also don’t know if I believe that it has the capacity to cause long-term harm. I also think that disagreeable parents are more likely to sleep train. At the end of the day, it seems like it all comes down to personality, and the best my husband and I can do is hope that we get a baby as agreeable as the two of us. What are your thoughts on sleep from an evopsych perspective?
4. Do you have any tips on how to pursue physical intimacy as a single, young woman if you are not finding a proper "pair bond" partner . Ive been single for about two years, so far haven't met anyone who would qualify as a proper boyfriend but have a strong craving for intimacy. I already follow your tip to delay sex to not get hurt but I still do not want to miss out on the cuddling, intimacy, attraction part. Do you have any tips on communication skills and how to spot qualities in a partner who might be able to provide that?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

For consults, visit www.EsteemDynamics.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss a very misleading graph in a recent paper published in Lancet Journal along with the following listener questions:

1.To what extent would you say children, money and marriage contracts keep sub-par relationships intact today vs. the lesser stickiness of relationships in the stone age. This isn't always a bad thing, right? Parents are raising kids and everyone gets to keep more of their wealth. What's the harm- why bother splitting things up in the hopes of finding a magic 10. Isn't the conservation of energy circuit just doing what it does?

2. I am stuck in a loveless marriage. I had a steady career making six figures as a pharmacist. I hated my job, but I was stuck because I was over $500,000 in debt. I then met a rich man who promised me if I married him I wouldn’t have to work another day in my life. He paid off my student debt. So I agreed to marry him. Five years later, I am miserable. I never loved him, but I also feel like I have no purpose in life. I do nothing besides sleep, eat, exercise and attend social events. He has maids, cooks, nannies and tutors taking care of everything a woman normally would. The sex is awful, most of the time I just lie there waiting for him to finish and pretend to enjoy it. He loves and is attracted to me, but now even the sight of him repulses me even though he did nothing wrong. Now I am stuck in a dilemma: do I stay in a loveless marriage and comfortable life, forgoing my chance at ever finding true love, or do I leave, go back to a job I hate and have a chance at finding true love? I am a 32 year old female and he is 45

3. Dear doctors. I've been with my wife for a couple of decades. She was always very physically beautiful and I was very overrewarded up until we had kids several years ago. She is still the best person I know, however she has lost the looks and the dopamine doesn't drive me to seek her the way it use to. I've tried to talk to her about this, but she is pretty firm in her stance that I have to take it or leave it. I love my kids too much to leave the relationship, but I know deep down I would be happier with someone who I am attracted to physically. Do I do what my dad did and stick out an unhappy marriage for the kids? Or do I make the exit plan that most men seem to always do? 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary Psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD, and Harvard social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD. discuss physical attractiveness & general health, whether a relationship can fall apart from a simple misunderstanding, choosing one passion from many, and finding the courage to make hard decisions about a relationship.  

Study mentioned:  "Physical Attractiveness & CardioMetabolic Risk" https://doi.org/10.1002/ajhb.23895 

Q1: Do physically attractive people have an easier time developing attractive skills? I'll give an example because I'm having trouble wording this: on shows like American Idol, more often than not when someone can sing, they are physically attractive. I know that that instance is probably just selection bias by the editors of the show, but it got me thinking: are attractive people on average born with more attractive genes which are also better at developing attractive skills?

Q2.   Is there anything one can do to improve chances of “qualifying” for a pair bond besides following the “10 paid dates” rule? Or if it’s more like, either you do or don’t qualify and it’s out of one’s control. Is it that all one can do is just wait and see?

Q3:  I am a very conscientious and passionate person with varied interests. When I become interested in something, I consume all the information I possibly can and eventually move on to another hyperfixation. I am trying to figure out a career path, but feel a bit like a master of none, despite having more knowledge on niche topics than anyone else I know. Evopysch is appealing because it is a topic that contains all other topics, but making a career out of Everything seems insurmountable. How can I use evopsych to try and figure out what topics are worth building a career around when I feel equally passionate about all of them?

Q4: I am with a man (he's 26, Im 25) who has been my best friend for many years. I love him a lot and honestly think in terms of compatibility I might never find someone better. He makes me really happy in my daily life. However, the sex and intimacy is almost forced on my part. He doesn't turn me on as much as my previous partners. The sex quality is good and he'd do anything for me. But I'm always relieved when it's over. I also am still sexually and romantically interested in other men . How do I navigate this situation? As we are long distance I often find myself having the urge to cheat as he might never find out.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewees: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Howk discuss: 

1. You talk about Tears, Anger, Force, Fraud and Free Trade RA strategies. Why did you exclude sex from this list? And in particular, women dangling sex to get men to do stuff. I guess we can ideally put this in the FREE TRADE category, but sex can be gotten by using any of these other RA strategies too I suppose. Anything more to add here?
2. Do the doctors have any thoughts on the ability of people in different socioeconomic situations to be friends, or maintaining friendships when socioeconomic situations that were similar become disparate? I am in my 40s and have remained close with a group of four other women from college. We all come from upper middle class backgrounds and are professionals doing pretty well. However, one of my friends has become wealthy. I feel that this causes some resentment and awkwardness between her a couple of other women who become irritated with her and don’t seem to believe that she could possibly have any problems. My friend who is wealthy is pretty humble and neither brags about nor conceals her circumstances, but this happens nonetheless. This has me wondering generally about how important similar socioeconomics are to friendships and why. When problems arises due to this difference, it there a way to beat our genes in order to preserve friendships?
3. Can Dr Lisle discuss if he has any views on the feminisation of modern desk based/ office jobs. To me the majority of knowledge work in the corporate world feels better suited to gathering oriented nervous systems as opposed to hunter oriented nervous systems, especially when you look at the nature of the recognition culture in corporations. It seems like it is very much suited to align with the types of reward structures women would seek out. How might this impact the feelings of excitement, boredom or fulfilment for people who are not inclined in this way?
4. I was trying to think about patriarchy/son preference through the lens of evolutionary psychology. Here's what I came up with: As far as I can tell, this tendency tends to be stronger in traditional societies with a strong emphasis on marriage. Males are willing sleep down under casual mating strategy but want to sleep up with a fancier females if pursuing long-term mating strategy. In a marriage-type situation the male's offspring will probably be fancier/more desirable than he is. If that male has a son who, in turn, pair bonds with an even more attractive female, his grandkids will be fancier still. But if he has a daughter, she might have to marry "down" to secure resources for her future offspring, in which case the original male's grandkids won't be as "desirable". Could a son preference basically just boil down to the hope that, by "marrying up" generation after generation, the original male's genes will eventually out compete all his competitors and either take over the world or be all 10s?
5. What is unique about teen brains that make them so commonly giddy, laughing and joyous when hanging out with their friends?  What's so funny?  I'm so old I don't remember!

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Howk discuss the following questions:

1. I listened to your talk discussing whether humans actually have Free Will: If we, as an organism are just doing what we perceive is optimal for the species in survival and reproduction, does that mean that I should not be very angry at my father who cheated on my Mom repeatedly, divorced her, and spent the rest of his life hitting on women whenever one seemed available in front of him? It has bothered me my whole life and as his daughter I hate him for that. But of course, as I am agreeable, I have never told him that but deep down I resent him.
2. Does the average man prefer to make a higher salary than his spouse?  And does the average man prefer to have a degree that is at least as advanced as his spouse?    How does it affect a man if he makes less money than his wife, or is not as accomplished academically?
3. So I understand that women can't make themselves more attractive by earning more money, but all things being equal, will men generally select a woman making more money rather than less?  Also, what about a woman who makes significantly more than a guy -- might that hurt her chances with him?
4. As a man how do I approach my partner about moving in and us signing a cohabitation agreement that everything is separate other than things we agree to in advance? She is very sensitive and think it will be a tough subject to talk about. I have a lot more money than she does and don't want any legal matters to be an issue later if we break up. Marriage is not in the cards.

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle & Howk review the following questions: 

1. How do you reconcile Dr. Jen's potted plant theory with Dr. Lisle's ego trap? As someone that is over 90th percentile introverted and emotionally unstable I find I prefer to keep my world very small and do not have energy for much socializing outside of working full time in an office full of people. Sometimes people encourage me to push myself to socialize more but I'm content spending time at home with my spouse and animals - how would I know if I avoid socializing due to an ego trap or if I'm just designing a life that fits my big 5?
2. A friend of mine was recently dumped via text message. She was in a relationship with this man for about 6 months, everything was going well (both had been married previously and had teenage children). The breakup came as a complete shock to my friend. 6 weeks later the guy contacted my friend, appologised for dumping her and asked for a second chance.  Is it possible he was seeing someone else and realised my friend was a better 'mate' option?
3. As a woman in my 50s who has eaten crap her whole life and fought her weight the whole time too, I have found that unless I quit my job, divorce my husband, drop all my friends, move to a cabin in the woods in total isolation with no form of communication or entertainment and never leave while growing my own whole foods, controlling everything in my environment is impossible and triggers and cravings are everywhere. (and some appear without any noticeable provocation and with a connection that only my brain can seem to find.). What can I do? I am trying to deprogram over 50 years of programming and habits and are surrounded by people who aren't even trying and surrounded by an industry and environment that is bound and determined to make me sick and fat.

    

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses in detail "Where does the evidence for evolutionary psychology come from?"

Our first question from a listener begins, " I am incredibly fascinated by EP and feel that I have learned so much from the show. I do wonder sometimes though when the questions get answered, what evidence/research is it based on? Assuming the conclusions are inferred... there obviously isn't a set of randomized control trial which provides the answers. I ask for my own interest but also as to provide additional weight to my recommendations to friends/family to learn about this area as I have been doing for the last couple of years. "

Question # 2 from a different listener:   "What personality traits correlate with people who seek continual simple pleasures in place of higher achievements, even if their community values higher achievements? Such as people who choose alcohol over the success of their career or relationship, or who shirk responsibly because it feel "too hard" or "too much" for them?"

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

To schedule a consultation with Dr. Lisle, visit www.EsteemDynamics.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

1. Why do women fall in love with villains in romance novels? I was reading through my girlfriend’s provocative novels and the men in these books are not noble or kind, they are dark, twisted, cruel, violent criminals, stalkers, vampires, demons or devils. The sex scenes are aggressive and violent. An example I will never forget is the love interest, who is a stalker, violating the woman with a loaded gun and knife. Is there an evolutionary reason why women would like this? If this is what my girlfriend likes, I don’t even understand why she’s with me. I am exactly the opposite of these men.
2. I am in a relationship with a divorced man who is 15 years my senior, with two adults (or nearly adult) children. We've been together for about two years, and he just communicated that six months ago, he kissed a close friend of ours in our shared home. He said it meant nothing (they had a previous relationship) and the kiss was intended to signalize "closure" - that it was the first and last time that something like this has happened in our relationship. He has a history of adultery (his prior wife left him because of serial cheating). Should I trust that this is a one-off thing, or trust my intuition and take a painful step to end the relationship?
3. Afraid of being threatening to others, especially other women, I dress down, don’t wear makeup, don’t bother with my appearance, am obese. Is this a form of self preservation/protection? I always had poor social skills and to not get hurt, I isolate and dress down etc.  Don’t know why I have poor social skills, I may be slightly autistic or asocial.
4. Given that people with less conscientiousness have more children, would it stand to reason that people in general are less conscientious than in the past?  I would presume this might hold true in other areas -- for instance, wouldn't people with less intelligence also have more children?  So over time, wouldn't we see less conscientiousness and lower intelligence in the population at large?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss artifical intelligence and some of their fears for the future.  Then at 26:15, the discussion turns to answering these listener questions: 

1. I am a frustrated serial monogamist female looking for my magic 10%. For the past six years, I’ve been in several long-term relationships. I enter every relationship with the hope that he is the one and the desire and dedication to make it last. However, after a year or so, I gradually realize that the person isn’t right for me, become disillusioned and fall out of love with him, and then am poached out by the next prospect. However, I never mean for this to happen, and it is painful every time.  I am truly pair-bond oriented, but I am worried that my “inability to settle down” is sending casual mating signals. I am a very demanding person in all areas of life, including this one, which inadvertently makes me fall out of love with someone because they don’t meet my standards. I was like this even before discovering evolutionary psychology, but especially now. However, this has led to accusations from my parents of being unable to be satisfied by one man - crassly put, that I’m a whore. And I’m worried that future male partners will see it that way.  How do I continue dating and exploring relationships in order to find that magic 10% without ruining my reputation? Should I avoid being intimate with someone for many months until I’m sure that they meet all of my standards? How do I avoid leading both myself and the other person on, and not trick myself into thinking that this will last forever? How do I cope with the fact that I may never find someone who makes me happy forever in that fairytale way?

2. My 35 year old daughter refuses to grow up, get a job and move out. She has a university degree but she doesn’t want to use it. It also seems like she doesn’t have any goals for herself. She says she wants to live with me forever. She also doesn’t want to get married or have children. It doesn’t bother me that she lives with me, but I feel like she’s wasting her life. How do I help her? What do I do? Please don’t tell me to kick her out or charge rent because I won’t do it. I love her too much and am too conscientious and agreeable.

3.My husband and I currently live in New York but want to move somewhere that better fits our values and lifestyle. We feel “politically homeless” and would like to avoid the insanity of either end of the political spectrum. We work remotely, are college-educated, vegan, plan to homeschool, and are non-religious… we know that no place is perfect, but would love to hear your thoughts on whether this warm, friendly, community-centered place exists, or if we are just looking for a unicorn.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld               

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Howk discuss the following questions:

1.  Has the team discussed how information overload impedes progress and making changes to one's health? I'd assume one can overdo information gathering, whether it's from podcasts, books, or blogs. As a clinician, how can we help clients get out of this stagnant, noncommittal place? Also, it seems to cause people a lot of stress and anxiety when they have too many thoughts going on in their heads. I have to imagine it gets to a point where it's harmful?

2.  It was recently mentioned on the show that there isn’t any relationship that isnt a trade. I was hoping the doctors could discuss the trade aspect of a mother child relationship specifically from the mother’s perspective… as in what is she getting? I understand its the hormones that dictate the bond and that she is saving her genes.. is there more to it though like at some level is there also an awareness of gains from the children when they are adults in the future?

3.  How much does a woman's income and occupational status matter to the typical man's nervous system in regards to pair-bonding? I've seen men express desire for high-earning women with high-status careers but am not sure if it is because these traits inspire pair-bond "love" feelings in men or if they are just viewing potential long-term relationships in a utilitarian way.

For the upcoming True to Life seminar, visit:  www.TruetoLife.us

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewees: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, PhD

www.BeatYourGenes.org

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Howk discuss the following questions:

1. Jordan Peterson mentioned briefly in a video that increasing oxytocin can increase agreeableness. He also gives advice that agreeable people can become more disagreeable by "waking the circuit up" if it's laying dormant in you. He thinks we have a wide range of genetic propensities, some that are switched on and it's possible to switch other propensities on. Is there evidence to support either of these theories?

2. Could the doctors talk about “social climbing”? I have family members who spend much of their free time and resources trying to networking with higher status people. They join different country clubs, go to fancy fundraisers, and will cancel plans with people they have known for years if an opportunity with a fancier new acquaintance arises. They often bring up income and status in conversation, which I find a bit off putting. I can’t decide if this is pseudo esteem seeking, personality cancer, or a legitimate way to make real connections that matter for extroverts. Can this pursuit lead to meaningful relationships?

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following listener questions:

1. How do you square the notion that there is "no 1 mate" (or job, friend etc) with the jealousy/abuse/ stalking (and worse) that happens in relationships. What type of general education on this concept could be offered to attempt to mitigate such costly stone age behavior.  Related, can u talk about the treatment of battered women in your practice, how they do or don't escape?  Buss claims one contributing cause of such behavior is patriarchal culture and institutionalized male dominance.  Any truth to that or is this just genetic like everything else?
2. I have a frenemy (that is, a friend who was really an enemy) who I’ve long lost touch with, but whom I still irresistibly stalk on social media. She was very competitive with me in college, although I drastically outperformed her at the time (I was the dux and she was upper-middling). Nevertheless, she went on to similar feats as me, getting her PhD from Yale (again, the same as me). I see her subtweeting things about me occasionally and I wonder why, after not being friends for so long, we both harbour a malevolent obsession about each other? What is the evolutionary good of this? Neither of us stands to gain anything from this and we’ve both achieved what we wanted, showing that it wasn’t the zero-sum game we might’ve thought during our early college years. She has become a tenure-track professor while I started a very successful company and am now a millionaire. Why do we ruminate so much about enemies/frenemies, and how can be finally move on from them?
3. I was wondering what over population does to a society. I understand nothing is changing genetically but was curious how lived experiences differ between populated densely packed cities and villages/ towns. Is one better than the other for mental health?

In our 300th episode (actually episode 301, but we wanted to save it for Dr. Howk),  Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk take a break from solving listener problems and answering listener questions and instead turn towards answering some fun, personal questions.  

Upcoming seminar Sun, Feb 19:  True to Life Seminar - visit www.TrueToLife.us to register. 

In this show, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. I am still trying to figure out genetics and evolution (I wasn't taught it), so I might be way oversimplifying this. If you get a set of genes from your parents and they get a set of genes from each of their parents, wouldn't you be able to track a certain genetic trait as being from either one of your parents or one of their parents? 2. You have previously explained borderline personality.  Can we have a refresher on this, and do you have a better moniker it? 3. If you had to map out the very best way to get on the right track or stay on the right track for my health, What would be the best things for me to do? 4. My organization is constantly trying to access and improve 'group performance' and there are a variety of corporate tools marketed to optimize the effectiveness of work Teams. Is this bunk or does this have any relevance. More broadly, what do you think of "Organizational Psychology?" and does this relate? 5. My wife and I recently moved to a very exclusive neighbourhood. It’s a small, rich neighbourhood and we thought before we moved here that we would enjoy a lot of privacy and that people would keep to themselves. However, we have discovered to our horror hat we have extremely nosy, over-friendly, and slightly interfering neighbours. What can I do to enforce boundaries without falling out with them and potentially creating even bigger issues?

1. I am curious about an unpopular subject: systematic eugenics.  Has "random” selection in the mating market already produced the best possible human genes combinations? Could we generate humans with drastically higher IQ, strength, size, speed, athleticism, beauty, etc? What do you think is the hypothetical limit of human genetic potential for outlier individuals and for the average of a population?  This kind of discussion is often obscured by the obvious practical and ethical problems, rather than what it could theoretically achieve.

2.My husband's daughter is extremely disagreeable, low conscientiousness, low IQ, highly introverted, open to drugs and alcohol and unstable. She is in constant crisis and is constantly threatening suicide. My husband and I have really tried to be there for her and never miss a call, but her constant cries for attention are draining and have taken years off our lives. I don't want to discount anything that she is feeling but my and my husband's mental health are really suffering and we don't know what to do. 

3.How do you respond to a child who has no recognition of their limitations? i.e. on the verge of being fired because they constantly call in "sick," show up late, don't do their job. Or the child who barely passed chemistry but says they are going to med school? Even if we say "That's great, but I understand med school is a lot of work" she gets mad and tells us and all her friends that we told her that she was a loser and a failure and because of us, she isn't going to med school anymore and instead she's stuck in a minimum wage job. Then she gets depressed at what might have been if we hadn't held her back. But if we say nothing, then she tries and fails (or fails to try) and becomes depressed and that somehow becomes our fault too.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following question:

1. Given that depression is inherently demotivating (because it is failure feedback that tells you to stop what you're doing), how might one 'bootstrap' oneself into more positive, motivated mood states? I wonder what people in the Stone Age village would have done to bounce back from failure feedback; it makes most of us want to curl into a ball and die. How does depression actually end up benefiting and motivating us?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show (episode 295), Dr. Lisle discusses the following questions:

1. I am a 35 year old female and I don’t know what to do with my life. I have a bachelors degree in biochemistry and doctorate degree in pharmacy. I worked as a clinical pharmacist for a year but I got bored and I quit. Then I worked as a massage therapist, a real estate agent, and a dental hygienist. I got bored of these as well. They just didn’t satisfy me, even though I don’t even know what I’m looking for or what I want. My relationships are the same as my careers - casual at best with many different men. I really want to settle down in a career and relationship but I just seem unable to. What should I do?
2. The euthanasia law changes in Canada to include mental illness as a valid reason seem deeply disturbing to me based on an evolutionary psychology perspective for people in the majority of situations. This would have been considered a "slippery slope" argument on euthanasia in the past, I cannot see how they are considered logical fallacies anymore at this point. What is your libertarian perspective on this issue given your wealth of knowledge within these areas?
3. My son recently became disabled. If “finding yourself in good circumstances” is what leads to feelings of happiness, how will I ever feel happiness again? How could I ever feel “happiness” for him if everything about his life is now difficult and painful. These are not good circumstances. My pain and sadness for him and his future is indescribable.
4. Can you discuss adrenaline rush and the people who seek it? especially with respect to free climbers.. i mean i get the status acquisition part but god are they crazy ? 
5. I am curious about how homophobic sentiment arose in humans. Has it always been there?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In our final show of 2022, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle have a discussion about current events and the year to come.  For more information on their upcoming "True to Life" Seminar being held live & virtually on Feb 19th , please visit www.TruetoLife.us  

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk are having a virtual seminar Sunday Feb 19, 2023.  Visit www.TrueToLife.us for details! 

In today's episode, the Dr's discuss:

1. Could you discuss cultural appropriation?  Especially with regards to not sporting wigs etc I for one really admire when people dress up like people from my culture and use the same hair and face accessories even though in the past we were under colonial rule and oppressed.
2. Are men, now, in a world where women also make a lot of money, willing to sleep down if they themselves don't make much money?
3. In episode 288, the Dr's talked about how one might stumble into a dream job - and exposed the dynamics that would have likely taken place. Could you help us get some idea of how young people in their 20s can increase the likelihood of stumbling into a good fit job.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Announcements:    -On Feb 19, 2023, Dr. Lisle & Howk are doing a Live Seminar called the True to Life Series.  

Registration link:  www.TrueToLife.us -Episodes 294 & 295 will be released in the coming weeks. 

In today's show the dr's discuss: 

1. Do people feel disgust for themselves when they are a minority in the village? Like you’ve said, disgust evolved not just out of a sense of right and wrong, but also out of infection and threat. So, my question is, do (racial, sexual, etc) minorities suffer because their internal audience will be in tune with the majority community's sense of disgust and/or threat around them? How important is it to have people who look, think, love, and are like you for your self esteem?
2. What is the psychology behind interrupting people in conversation? I’ve read that we’re “wired to tie up loose ends” meaning that it feels good to tie up a thought that may get forgotten about or change as the conversation carries on. Also, do you think most people really listen to what we are saying or are they just waiting for their turn to speak?
3. Can neuroplasticity be used to change personality ? or is it that the DNA remains the same thus the way new neurons or connections form is also predetermined ?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss:

1. How well does clinical evolutionary psychology explain and treat behavioural problems of children such as aggression or violence (often in cases even towards their own parents who have a reliable history of being loving and warm and not abusive). Any recommendations for literature/ reading sources/ books on psychology for people interested in dealing with aggressive kids?
2. I have been told often that men retreat from their romantic partner emotionally when they are upset, is that a gender difference in coping mechanisms or is it just that men are inherently less invested in relationships than women?
3. 1)what impact has women's education and empowerment had on gender dynamics? 2)if left to our primal instincts i.e. hypothetically if in a place where humans are born and there is no culture to begin with, would men be inseminating attractive women left right and centre forcefully/ by overpowering them (especially adolescent fertile girls) or is there now a genetic component of mutual consent seeking ?

1. Why do men seem to be so enraptured by “ditzy” girls? They trip over themselves trying to take care of her. Is it an behavioral manifestation of attractive estrogen levels in the woman?
2. How did gratitude and gratefulness come to evolve in human beings. if one analyses it, it is an extremely complex highly advanced thought process about how bad a situation could have been and the fact that its not one must accept, acknowledge and recalibrate one's esteem cues and status so as to not be sad/depressed/ low about a certain event.
3. How does one’s personality influence the quality of the internal audience? I can imagine that someone higher in C would have a lower or maybe harsher internal audience.
4. I am curious about a few inferences I made about the interface between environment and personality. High conscientiousness and agreeableness implies a higher likelihood of accepting and following social norms. In other words, these genetic traits are responsible for preserving the cultural environment. On the other hand, a person with high conscientiousness but low agreeableness is more likely to develop and carry out their own credo, based more on their personal experiences and judgement. Does any of that pass the smell test, or better yet, is there research that supports or disconfirms any of it?
5. Over a period of million years, if we keep eating the way we eat (high fat salt sugar diet),would eventually those individuals get selected whose genetic variations are such that can tolerate the high fat diet and still survive for a hundred years. would that be a fitter, new species then ?
6. Could you explain empathy , the processes involved, the CB that we run, etc through the lens of evo psych. Also is empathy a cognitive process or it is a means to an end i.e. a signalling device?

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. Dear doctors, although addiction has been discussed extensively already im still trying to piece it together, thus would like your comments on the following: In a state of anxiety, stress and depression where we are getting negative esteem cues and dopamine levels are low, a substance that boosts dopamine can take one from 20 to say 80 on pleasure scale, whereas if you are content and calm that substance may take you from a 60 to say 70 or 80 which the brain doesnt recognise as a significant increment. does this mean that poeple who are sad are much more likely to get addicted to substances, much like the harvard study revealed?
2. Do you think it would be beneficial to include evolutionary psychology in school curriculums? At what age would children be able to grasp and understand these concepts? What impact would an awareness of our instinct to grade attractiveness and our genetic constraints of majorly being attracted to people 20% above and below ( depending on mating strategy) have on human relations and behaviour? Would it ultimately enrich life experiences?
3. My dad was a smoker in his twenties. my mom told me that he gave it up after the birth of my elder sister. growing up i remember that there was a sealed packet of cigarettes in a certain drawer that never moved, which my dad had kept to remind himself of the fact that he had quit and to practise willpower. after learning about channel factors this seems like a stupid decision in retrospect. what may be your comments on this?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the dr's discuss:

1. How does evolutionary psychology approach the complex human need to understand how/why/when about the workings of the universe  
2. hello! i am just curious how this podcast came into being and the aim behind it, as it appears to be an extremely altruistic dissipation of scientifically accurate advice and help. highly grateful for it. thankyou!
3. greetings! i am 23 years old, from a pretty conservative nation and feel i have missed out on many life experiences thus do not want a kid as i want the rest of my life completely for myself and for the pursuit of other achievements. today's seemingly increasingly apocalyptic world (due to climate change and resource shortage) further kills the desire to bring forth a child. i feel its the poorly lived childhood and early adult experiences that prevent me from wanting a kid. would it be possible to understand the psychology behind it with respect to the fact that childhood experiences don't shape our desires? why do some women not want kids?
4. Does having bad childhood experiences cause depression?
5. Who’s philosophers view of the world do you agree with the most? What does Dr.Lisle think of the view of ancient Greek atomists?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

1. What is the ideal level of exercise for one's health?
2. Five years ago, I was diagnosed with severe OCD. After two years of painstaking efforts, I successfully got off SSRI and recovered without the help of therapy sessions. During the height of OCD, my wife treated me with contempt, frustration, anger, hostility and total lack of compassion and patience. She justified that in the past - when were were still a new couple - that I was harsh, critical and rude towards her. How can I get over my resentments?
3. I feel like I am losing my mind in the dating world. I feel like men don’t want to lift a finger for a relationship. Much less to even meet a girl and get laid.  I’m on a dating site and get multiple likes or matches a day. I talk to guys over the app and they quickly give up. I talk to some longer term, meet up and it’s like they don’t want to put much effort into getting together. I think that at least 70% of it has to do with my kid and that takes some work and maneuvering. And no one seems willing to do it! It’s like fast food dating or what?! I feel like I am over qualified for most these men, will settle for less, and I don’t hardly get a “what’s up babe”. It’s extremely frustrating and disappointing and makes me second guess myself every minute. I wish I could send you pictures of myself and pictures of these men I’d settle for and almost have to chase for their attention. I must be either uncalibrated or something has gone majorly wrong in the dating world.
4. I will be graduating from cosmetology school next month. As a professional hair stylist, tips will make up a significant part of my income. I am curious about the psychology of tipping. Is there anything that I can do to increase my chances of receiving a generous tip from my clients?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the Dr's discuss new evidence about anti-depressant treament and then discuss the following questions: 

1. I think I have messed up my dopamine reward system and I don't know how to fix it or if I want to. I am early 40's, single and have been in many relationships. I don't have trouble attracting men. I think if I just decided it was time then I would settle for one but to me it is boring and mundane and I only feel excited by unpredictable, magnetic dynamics with men. For the last couple of years I've had an online FWB who lives overseas. He has a bit of a high profile and so the reward I felt from attracting him and engaging with him long term has been really high. Now that I attracted someone so unattainable I can't get excited about anyone else. I didn't used to be like this. I had plenty of loser bfs in the past. Wtf is wrong with me? And if I don't fix it, will I end up alone and be a miserable old person?
2. My partner’s parents are in their early 70s and still love what they do, jumping out of bed to start work each day as they did 40 years ago. Both work in creative fields.  It’s not clear if they found the perfect careers, or if they would take the same excitable, have-at-it attitude to any path they had followed.  Are people who find their dream job genetically predisposed to do so? Is it in their own personalities to work with such passion and positivity or does everyone have that potential, if the right job comes along?

In today's show, Dr. Jen Howk discusses some current events. 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the doctor's discuss: 

1. If your relationship status is single, would you only look to someone with your diet lifestyle as someone you'd only be interested in dating and possible pair bond?
2. Can spirituality fit into evolutionary psychology?
3. My question is about creating an alter ego - Apparently sports people do it and David Goggins did it. David Goggins was a flake and overweight and had no prospects and by his own admission was a liar. Then he basically turned his life around and became a Navy seal and said he did it by inventing an Alter ego called Goggins. So does this suggest personality can be changed. I know current theory is it is largely inherited. He also said an important part of his transformation was the accountability mirror. You basically look in the mirror every day and be completely honest about who and what you are and then from there you can change what you don’t like about yourself. Any merit in this?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the dr's discuss:

1. Current events re: Roe v Wade
2. There is so much about “body positivity” on the media and women growing their body hair out especially. On social media I read mainly positive comments on this, but especially from women, while some men are making rather jokey comments. I was just wondering what might be the motivation for women who keep saying stuff like “good on her”, “if only I was braver, I’d do the same”, etc…?? Like they’re all claiming that removal of body hair is forced on us by recent culture. Is it though? I personally as a women hate my body hair and have removed it since before puberty. To me it actually feels "natural" to remove it. So I wonder if there is any perspective on this specific topic from the evolutionary psychology perspective?
3. What is your erudite opinion on why the ‘blank slate’ model seem to particularly appeal to certain "character types" more than others.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the drs discuss

1. I am worried about my daughter. She graduated with a perfect gpa while also modeling. After her degree, she moved to pursue modelling but she soon developed an eating disorder and quit.  Subsequently, she attended medical school but dropped out due to an illness caused by stress. She moved back home but she doesn’t want to work or go back to school. In fact, she barely leaves the house. Whenever I try to talk to her about it, she starts crying and we never get anywhere. I hate to see her waste her life like this. Please help, I don’t know what to do to help.
2. Any thoughts on autism or Asperger’s, particularly in women? I am a 35 year-old woman who has struggled in life in very specific ways. I’m trying to figure out if my issues are related to being on the spectrum or if they are simply a result of the combination of my big 5.
3. I find friendships draining, and the cost of friendships are not worth the payback. My concern is that there is pressure to make and maintain social connections, for example Dr. Dean Ornish believes social connections are one key to reversing disease. My concern is this pressure could cause unnecessary anxiety for some people, who become anxious trying to keep connections, when they could be just as happy without them. 
4. I’m trying to follow your 10 paid dates strategy, but men just don’t pay anymore! Isn’t this a slightly archaic expectation or do I need to lower my standards? I’m 40 and would very much like to find the right man and have a kid while I still can. I’m athletic, a solid 9 physically, of high intelligence, relatively successful and highly agreeable. I’ve been on dating apps for over a year and been on countless dates. The only man who paid for our date knew about the 10 paid dates strategy and was honest enough to tell me he’s only interested in casual mating.

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle goes over: 

1. What would be the stone age benefit for women to seek only compassion and not direct help or solutions?
2. I grew up in a household with parents who successfully left their home countries and “made it” as engineers in the US. I grew up with the expectation that I would follow their trajectory - I completed a bachelors, a masters, and was always “en-route” to medical school. Post-graduate school though, things started to look a little differently for me. I lost academic steam and I fell into mystical, artsy land. Recently, I feel like I woke up from a pity-party slumber. I am getting back on the path to medical school. The problem? I am torn. I find myself battling 3 different lives: a life of sacrifice to others through usage of my scientific aptitude, a life of being a jester and using my charm to brighten people’s lives, and a life of solitude in pursuit of philosophical truths. So what do I do? Why have I been torn in this position for the past 3 years since graduate school? Am I stuck in black-or-white thinking and can do all three, or have I subconsciously ran a cost-benefit analysis and have determined certain routes aren’t worth it?
3. My sister is in need of bone marrow. As her only sibling, I would be ideal for this and have a 25% chance of matching. But this comes with serious risks for the donor. Unlike my sister, I take good care of myself, eating a whole foods diet. I am not on any medication and avoid taking even aspirins. Also unlike my sister, I am vehemently opposed to taking the vaccine. However, my doctor says that I will likely be forced to take it if I want to be her donor. I could postpone a decision and simply find out if I'm a match, but if I am, I will feel compelled to continue going down this road, a road I'm not sure I want to go down. How do I make this decision?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the doctors discuss: 

1.  I have been married for 8 years to a man who is a federal government employee. He is very responsible and reliable. Now, since the pandemic, he has been working from home 4-5x/week. I have notice how lazy he is. I workout, eat clean, do the cooking and all the cleaning. I find myself getting so irritated when I am with him. He is overweight and growing. He literally sits watching TV or reading articles on the computer and eating crap during working hours. I do not understand why my habits are not more influential.  My question is, how can in manage my feelings of frustrations and irritability. I border lack of respect and even attraction to him, am I being too dramatic.
2. I am in a relationship for about 4 years now.  I am an agreeable introvert she is disagreeable introvert.. we both like spending time together and doing things, but our sex life is not great, she has some medical reasons and penetration is painful.. and this is something that comes up every now and then, she confessed previous relationships ended because of this, i can feel it most times she is not enjoying having sex, but she puts up with it.  My question is, is such dynamic possible, can a relationship survive long term, my sex drive is quite high, i'm 30, she is 28.. i feel like we should make it work but dont know what are the odds of this, i find myself reaching out different outlets to express my needs.
3. How can I tell if my boyfriend is in love with/is really interested in his 'female friend'? How often would you say intuition is right in these situations? 
4. Is it possible to be an agreeable highly testosteronized male?   What would such a male look like?  This confuses me bc I often think of highly testosteronized as a dominance climbing, aggressiveans & competitive and so am wondering how these traits co-exist.

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses: 

1. Should I be worried if my boyfriend's career is a higher priority than me and our future family? If I was the love of his life would his career still be more important than me? He is 40 and a financier on wall street.
2. What are the ways women abuse men? Is the silent treatment, inducing jealousy, withholding intimacy, considered abusive? I’m a woman and I found myself doing these things in a toxic relationship in which my partner called me abusive, which made me wonder if I was.
3. You've only briefly touched on video games on the podcast, and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on the psychology behind them. What do you link their popularity as an entertain medium / form of escape to?You've only briefly touched on video games on the podcast, and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on the psychology behind them. What do you link their popularity as an entertain medium form of escape to?
4. I am a 35 year old female who is afraid to talk to men. I am so nervous when talking to the opposite sex that it is affecting my work and studies, to the point where I chose to pursue a professional degree in which the majority of students are female. I avoid interacting with males wherever I go; I always choose female doctors or dentists and only speak to female salespersons when in a store. At 35, I have never been on a date, which my friends (who are female) and family think is weird. I have never been traumatized by a man, never been raped, and had a good childhood. I know this is not normal and would like to overcome this.
5. I am a student in my 3rd year of a bachelor of psychology. No matter the subject, the courses always manage to devote a section to gender theory. Its taught as a fact that gender is a series of norms socialized into us and have no basis in biology. Where does evolutionary psychology fall on gender theory?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the Dr's discuss:

1. can you illuminate us a bit about the nature of sexual disgust. I am currently seeing a man who is very much in love with me and is a good match for me in general. I like him very much and can imagine him as a future partner. However, I hate being touched by him. I feel so grossed out by it,it doesn't turn me on at all and so I avoid physical intimacy with him. Is there any way to get over this or should I just quit?
2. My ex that I was with for one year that's 60 pounds overweight and objectively a 4 cheated on me even though I'm 108 pounds with about a .7 hip to waist ratio and at least a 7. Why would this happen? I dated him because I thought he would appreciate how much more attractive than him I was and thus treat me well and not cheat on me at the least! The girls he has dated before me and cheated on me with were less attractive than me. He even said they were only 'okay'. He told me he makes seven figures but I estimate it to be $200,00 which is still great so maybe that's why he thinks he's so great and better than me? He showed me the ring he was going to propose to me with as a last ditch effort to get me to not break up with him which was apparently $80,000. My guess is that it's actually around $15,000. Other than that, he doesn't seem interested in marriage in general even though he's 41. Is he just naturally a short-term mater unless he's insanely rewarded? If he really valued me wouldn't he not risk losing me over some random girls? Please tell me what I'm doing wrong and what's going on, I have an open loop about this and I feel like I can't stop thinking about this until I understand every small detail so I can avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the Dr's discuss: 

1. My male friend told me he married his wife even though he was in love with an ex-girlfriend because he could trust her to be loyal whereas he couldn't trust his ex. How often do men do this? How good/bad of a situation is this for the wife who wants a reliable husband and father until death does them part(she might be concerned about him having an affair with the ex)?
2. How do I assess how to stimulate/encourage my brain's moods of happiness?
3. I’ve always been quite anxious but this feeling has worsened in the past two years. I always feel a sense of insecurity about the future as well as inferiority to everyone. I question my decisions and my capabilities. Is it a real fear that signals that I’m not “contributing to the village” or is it just my personality?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In this episode, Dr. Lisle discusses: 

1. Is jealous and controlling/possessive behavior a sign that a romantic partner loves you or is just a something to do with their personality?
2. Does crystal clear usually only work with honest people? I suppose a dishonest person would lie and manipulate during the crystal clear, therefore the best outcome of the conversation would be finding out the truth despite their dishonesty and/or terminating the relationship because of the realization of their dishonesty and that it carries too many costs.
3. How common is it for men to be successfully deceived about a woman's promiscuity? How easy is it for men to correctly 'sniff out' a woman's promiscuity? How common is it for women to lie about their promiscuity?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the doctors discuss: 

1. Dear Doctors, my husband and I have been married for 5 1/2 years now, and have an amazing relationship. We agree on most things, enjoy spending time together, have great communication and have very infrequent arguments. One thing (probably the only thing) we do argue about is my sex drive and my husband’s penis size. If my husband had it his way, we would have sex twice a day, every day and for me there is about a 10 day window every month where I actually want to have sex and the rest of the month I have absolutely no desire. My husband believes it is because he has a “small penis” even though he is the one who noticed my sexual desire peaks around my ovulation window. When we do have sex it is amazing and we are both fulfilled. No matter how many times I tell him he satisfies me and it has nothing to do with him or his size, he does not believe me. When I do engage in sexual activity outside of my “window” it is solely for him, and he can tell that I do not enjoy it. He immediately thinks of his penis size and gets depressed about it and he truly believes if he were bigger I would want him more. How do we move past this as a couple?
2. How does a woman prevent herself from cheating on her ‘horace’ husband with a ‘jimmy’ and losing his fathering to their children if she’s not in a magic 10% relationship?
3. The recent episode about current events was alarming. I understand the basics of what's happening, but is the gravity of the situation being exaggerated by the doctors? Could they be falling into the trap of being the wise prophet foretelling doom in the stone age? That concept has been discussed on the podcast before so I'm curious their thoughts on it now.

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses:

1.  I grew up facing a lot of turmoil; I had a physically and sexually abusive father, I left home and was homeless from 16 to 18, and dealt with a lot of tumultuous grooming situations at a young age, and so forth. However, I was dealing with it really well up until 20 when I started to take therapy; while simultaneously moving to a tiny city that was very into “woke” culture. I feel as though it may have exasperated my victim mentality, but I am unsure. I want to know, was the victim mentality trait already integrated within my genetics or does woke culture and modern therapy have enough influence to exasperate that mentality?  Does it matter the severity or weight of what you went through when it comes to coaching yourself to leave the victim mentality?
2. How do I cope nondestructively with stress?  As a quite emotionally unstable yet conscientious person, I find myself stressed a lot of the time. In the past, my way of reacting to stress has been reaching for food. I learned that I stress ate because my body was seeking something to increase my chances of survival and reproduction during an uncertain time. More recently, after successfully stopping myself from using food to alleviate stress, I have turned to impulse shopping. This also makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, since the things I buy include jewlery, hair and nail appointments, and clothes, which all enhance my physical appearance and also increase reproductive success.  I was wondering if there is something I could effectively do to soothe stress in the moment that won’t make me gain weight or break my bank account.
3. If I had to put a label on it, I identify as a bisexual female. I’m overthinking applying the EP concepts that I understand so well when it comes to dating women. For instance, do the 10 paid dates still apply with two women?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. Why do men sometimes pair-bond/fall in love with obviously promiscuous women(promiscuous reputation, clubbing/partying often, always scantily clad)? Maybe I'm having a hard time understanding because I'm a young woman. I would love to hear your thoughts!
2. What pair-bond behavior do highly testeronized men show? My boyfriend of 1 year remembers minute details about me, pays for all our dates, sends me food when he's not with me, and has bought me a new MacBook Pro, iPhone, Tiffany's jewelry, flowers every month, and teddy bears but he is not very verbally or physically affectionate. He has never initiated sexual activities with me either, although I can tell he enjoys when we do them. He's very jealous and possessive, insulting other men's abilities and intentions with me and always telling me to dress more modestly. In addition to not being verbally(as in compliments, sweet-talking, baby-names) and physically affectionate, he's easily irritated with me, curses and yells at me when he's angry, and dismisses my thoughts and opinions. He has proposed to me with a $20,000 engagement ring but I am hesitant to get more invested in this relationship but I am extremely confused about how he feels about me. If this is the pair-bonded behavior of a highly testeronized man maybe I am more compatible with a man who's closer to the middle of the bell curve. Your thoughts would be appreciated!
3. Could you please speak on what it is like to have a romantic relationship with a person with low emocional stability? I have started dating a man who describes himself as having low emotional stability. Although he is very sweet and loving, I do wonder how high the cost will be to maintain this relationship. I am very emotionally stable and as such I'd like to know what to expect.   

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the Dr's discuss:

1. I listened to Dr Howk on pseudo esteem where you say:  If you are highly agreeable, highly conscientious and not that emotionally stable - being on social media comes with a high price for you psycolgy.  I teach workshops for companies and I get graded every time from each students.   I get 5 from 95% of the students but sometimes I get a 2 or 3 and I can tell right away before I get the evaluation who in the crowd will grade me low.   How do I stop trying to please the one disagreeable person and not feel bad for getting a low grade? When I have a disagreeable person in my workshop I feel like I have to work twice as hard to turn him or her over to my side. It feels like Im spending 1000 dollars on a 100 dollar asignment and Im drained.  My boss allways sees the evaluation and I feel the need to explain my self if a person gave me a low grade.   My boss uses the good evaluations as a selling point to get the companies to buy more workshops at his school.
2. Do you ever talk about abandonment/rejection issues? Examples: my mother divorced my father when I was seven years of age in 1959 and my mother was murdered in 1968 leaving behind 7 children.
3. I was put on psychiatric drugs when I was 13 because of anorexia and being miserable about being bullied at school. The drugs messed me up. I can see it now that I have not used them for years. I was on various types of drugs around 10 years. I now know how damaging and useless those drugs are and I know my cognitive abilities have been damaged because of them. I also now realize just how much damage psychiatry has caused to my life overall. I'm extremely angry and bitter. I'ts incredibly painful to think about what has been done to my brain and what potential has been stolen from me. I dwell on my anger and bitterness everyday and it's unbearable. How can I cope?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the Dr's discuss;

1. How would you raise a child? Specifically for the first year? All that whining and crying, and getting barely any sleep for the first year. Is there anything parents can do? Or if nothing, if someone has the finances to, would you recommend a nanny or something similar?
2. Do obese people have differing psychologies? I would assume obese genes wouldn't survive to reproduction in historic times before agriculture (in terms of extreme obesity), so do you think that has any impact upon psychology today? Also, are there any groups of people that have differing psychology from the average of the human population for reasons similar to the question? Or just at all?
3. Is it genetics how much sleep someone needs? Do some people just naturally need more sleep even when diet and exercise and stress levels and everything is in the right place? Do introverts need more sleep and rest because their nervous system works differentlyI?
4. I have been working on that with my family members who are very difficult, unpleasant and disrespectful toward me. While it does help considerably with the day to day dynamics, I often still feel guilty about pulling away, and think that I need to explain myself to everyone (although I haven't). Why won't my inner critic give me esteem for separating myself from the disagreeables?
5. Why is there is such heated fight over a woman's decision to have or not to have a child? Most actions to enforce antiabortion laws are taken by male politicians. What is it to them if someone's offspring appears on the planet Earth against their mother's wish?
6. I would like to hear your thoughts on people having paranoia. In the Internet you hear all kinds of reasons for why people have them. Is it mainly genetics and personality? Can you treat paranoia and if so, how?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, the Dr's discuss:

1. How do you explain, in the context of evolutionary psychology, women who pursue polyamory? It seems like they are doing a good job of beating the instructions dealt them by their genes. Alternatively is polyamory is just the new, politically-correct way of cheating on your spouse and potentially ending an unwanted relationship?
2. I am a female from Canada trapped in the country for now.. Currently, with the vaccine mandate, I can't sit inside a restaurant or even join an outdoors sports group. This makes meeting people and dating rather impossible. Should I try my luck just to get out into the market. If so, should I display my vaccine status? My date will find out pretty soon when I say I can only go on a hike date.
3. I've been in a "magic 10%" relationship for almost 2 years. He treats me like a princess, but what robs me of peace of mind is that he has a sister my age who is a single mother. She often asks him for help, money, babysitting, at some point she even asked him to live with her. He refused, but felt guilty afterwards. Is me sharing my man with his sister a sufficient reason to break up? It feels bad both to be in this relationship as well as to end this relationship. It makes me feel guilty as well, because there is not much of partners fault. Is there anything that can be done?
4. Does having a surrogate mother drive a subconscious rift between husband and wife because certain neural networks were not tripped in the female brain? And is there any solution that can trip these circuits so the natural attachments are made?
5. I’ve learned about the harsh realities of being a new parent and the incredible lack of sleep involved. If sleep is so vital, why would nature design such intense sleep deprivation for mothers when raising young children? It seems so counterintuitive.

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. Why do I often get small epiphanies about various things in my life when I'm half asleep?
2. I’ve noticed many people act differently around close friends and family than they do around coworkers and strangers. So, how do we know what our true personalities are? For example, I’m the life of the party around people I know very well, but totally shy and quiet around strangers and at work. I’m also quite disagreeable with close friends and family, but highly agreeable with everyone else. Is it my high conscientiousness that causes me to be such a Chamaeleon?
3. Do other animals (besides humans) show self destructive behaviour? Why are humans so self destructive?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss: 

1. My question is about how evolutionary psychologists can interpret the species-specific human diet differently. Dr. Lisle supports a plant-based, starch-heavy diet. Meanwhile, Dr. Geoffrey Miller supports a paleo diet (heavy in meat and greens). It seems clear that the majority of calories were gathered, not hunted, which lends weight to the plant-based, starch-heavy type of diet being the standard human diet and the correct one to follow. How can researchers have such different interpretations of human diet?
2. I would love to get the doctors' take on the FIRE movement (Financial Independence Retire Early). Is it just another example of the enlightenment trap? I read "Your Money or Your Life" in my mid-twenties and since then have been saving approximately half of my income. I now have enough to "frugal retire" if I want to. But now I don't have a goal to work towards. I've always wanted to travel and learn foreign languages; so I'm doing that. But I know that if I wasn't taking classes every day I'd be bored out of my mind. Did I just waste the last decade of my life engineering my very own complacency cage?
3. Noways, a lot of people gravitate towards food when they are stressed. What did people do in the Stone Age when they were stressed? Did they fight, did they sleep, did they meditate, did they go on walks, did they talk about it? And what about animals? What do they do when they feel stressed?
4. I was wondering if Jen and Doug have ever talked about the increase in angry violent outbursts on airplanes and other places that has happened in this age of Covid.  There have always been angry outbursts but why have they increased now.  Is it some kind of temper tantrum in reaction to loss of control due to Covid.  Social media is just filled with these incidents.  

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses:

1. My house is lovely, and clutter free - except one attic room which is where I keep a large amount of sentimental objects all neatly packed and stored and kept clean. I have a lot of objects, letters and cards from my own childhood and life. I have a lot of my children’s clothes from age 0- 5, and a lot of their toys from the early years. I have their dismantled cot. I have every picture they have ever drawn. Why do I feel I need to keep all these possessions? Is there a way past becoming so attached to things?
2. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and are very happy. I am 38 and he is 44. We’ve talked a little bit about children and both came to the conclusion that we don’t want to start over. . Anyways, I’ve had to get on various forms of birth control and some have been horrible on my body and mind. I got information about a vasectomy for him, even told him I’d pay for half and he kind of makes excuses and doesn’t sound like he’s in a hurry to do so. What do you think this means? Does he eventually want another child but just not with me? Should I try and push the issue more or just keep trying different birth control methods even though they are costly and inconvenient for me? I’m a very non confrontational person, what is the best way to bring this up and also ways to help me not stew on the idea that I don’t qualify as a mother to his potential child.
3. How do I get over the victim mentality?
4. Over the last few months I’ve been feeling ‘down’. The only thing really missing is that ‘other half’ in my life. Could that one thing really be causing me to feel so unhappy with my life? Or do you think with current events, Covid etc there is just a general wariness and fatigue over us all? 

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. Is there such a thing as going mad? Are similar expressions mostly just used to discredit people? What about mental breakdowns?
2. What would cause a fully-functional, productive member of society to have a "nervous breakdown," and become a total basket case? Conventional diagnoses include PTSD, anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder, and the treatment has, so far, been, treatment with more and more meds, whether in or outpatient. Is this just a function of personality? Is this person running a CB analysis that says it's better to be this way, even though she's miserable and claims that she wants to get back to work and life? What's the best way to support her?
3. How do I get over small slights in an otherwise happy and healthy relationship? I am probably more sensitive than the average bear. My partner of 5 years is great. But he has a habit of correcting me on the proper pronunciation of words whenever they come up, usually 1-3 times per year. The first few times I took it on the chin. But eventually I told him it really bothered me and made me feel stupid. Other small slights could be if he didn't show appreciation for a great meal that I make when I do all of the cooking. These incidents can set me off on a 3 day freeze out. I don't think he deserves me being angry with him for that long and always wish I could just stop. It took me a long time to even start bringing up hurt feelings because I've always felt so over rewarded, but now I try to so things don't fester. I try to think of all of his good qualities but that doesn't work. Is this just a neuroticism tinged disagreeability streak in me that I can't change? I tend not to think of myself as a disagreeable because I always go out of my way to not hurt others' feelings and am an otherwise happy, cheerful person. So, do you have any ideas on how to get over these slights?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses: 

1. Is it different when a female partner indulges in the equivalent of but for women, than it is for if a male partner indulges? From what I understand, if the man is still very into his wife, it might not be much of a problem at all. Is it the same when a woman is indulging in shows and books that titillate the female mind?
2. At 24 years old (female) having left a long 4 year relationship I did quite a lot of "market research" and calibration via casual dating/sex which was incredibly informative and mostly fun. ​Near enough after 100+ matches and 20 dates, I met my current boyfriend, and it's been going great. We've been dating about six months and we're in love. He really resents me having had casual mating partners because he said it's a big turn off and likes to pretend it "didn't happen". Without my dating history I don't think I would be satisfied to pair bond or understand what I want from a long term partner, so it's hardly irrelevant to where I am now, but I am really committed to making him feel loved and secure with me.  Do you think this is a natural reaction in the stone age as men especially want evidence that their pair bonded partner is capable of loyalty and not flake or cheat on them? In which case do I avoid bringing it up and accept my past decisions are sending the wrong signals, or sit down to discuss if these decisions threaten the security of the relationship?
3. I understand marriage is unnatural to our natural history, and you're generally against getting married if you're not absolutely sure and haven't been together for 21 decades (joke), but what advice would you give for someone in a pairbond to make them continously more attractive for a pairbond? So if someone wants to simply settle down and be happy with one person, how do we beat our genes? 

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss the current state of affairs in an analysis of human behavior and motivation. 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's replay of episode 223, the Dr's discuss:

1. How does withdrawal and Tolerance In drug usage compare to eating foods with addictive properties in terms of trying to quit? For instance, Would planning a strict day and time for a specific portioned unhealthy meal once a week then after get straight back on the wagon aid in keeping tolerance low and cravings at bay? or is complete abstinence the key to lifelong success in ending the addiction? I’ve been trying for about 3 years to be WFPB  but I’ve never made it more than 30 days and when I cave into crap foods each time it’s making me doubt I could achieve this success.
2. It seems so far that calorie restriction might not offer the degree of increased longevity benefits for humans as is found in mice and other animals. If you took an evolutionary perspective on this, what might you guess could explain why humans don't get quite the boost that other animals do? Do you think humans and perhaps some other animals have physiology that might expect to go hungry fairly often, so it's required for a normal lifespan rather than causing an abnormally longer one?
3. I recently celebrated my 30th birthday during this time, as fun and different as it was, the classic questions have now come to my mind about dating/settling down. I am single, and have not been on a date in 2 years! I know my chances are decreasing by the year of "finding a mate", and I am worried that males will be able to tell I am not as young as is ideal. Is there any way of avoiding this/giving off the illusions/impression that I still have value on the market as much as a twenty something?
4. Is following your lust just another pleasure trap that will leave you dissatisfied long term? Should a person who is not pair bond oriented try to work towards this for long term happiness or is this like trying to change your personality?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses:

1. I think Jordan Peterson has done a fantastic job of exploring the evolutionary basis for Jungian archetypes. He appears to have a firm grasp on the literature, and he is convinced there is consilience between the two fields.  In particular, Peterson's synthesis places institutions such as Christianity in a dramatic new context. But then again, this is an argument I imagine Richard Dawkins would be vehemently opposed to. The debates on religion between Peterson and Sam Harris serve to illustrate this intellectual divide.  So where do you stand on this matter, Jen? Is Jordan Peterson right? Can we bridge the gap between Jung and EP? If yes, what implications does this have? If no, what convinced you?
2. In a female dominanted enviroment...workplaces, when there is no man.  there there is an air of competitivness and cattyness, that can linger.. Once a man is introduced, even if he is not in a position of power, the relaxation is palpable.  Why is this?..why is the female competition not ramped up.....Why does the roster settle the hens?
3. My employer, like many others, is adopting many trainings and policies based around words like "equity", "inclusion", "systemic racism". I work in public sector for a large west coast city so my coworkers are very liberal and 72 percent non-white, so the majority view is very much "woke"   Obviously the answer is to just stay out of any discussion but are there any other strategies that I could use to avoid conflict with out having to pledge allegiance to "blank slateism"? How do you guys avoid the nasty labels that come with the uncomfortable insights of EP? Could we soon see widespread persecution of evolutionary thinkers?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

In today's show, Dr. Lisle answers: 

1. My daughter was recently informed by her therapist that self esteem is created in the first five years of life. My daughter feels now that I failed her in This regard as I was the primary caregiver.  Essentially she feels her unhappy life is now my fault. Why do so many therapists focus so very much on upbringing and early life experiences vs genetics?
2. I have a highly ambitious streak but can’t seem to string together any consistent action since I graduated university and settled into a job.  My concern is, am I doomed to mediocrity? What use would it be for me to have these feelings of missed opportunity, boredom at work and the desire for more if I have a personality that checkmates all my efforts. Dr Howk suggested in a previous episode, without high conscientiousness it is very unlikely one will be able to create any lasting habits/ stick to the fundamentals. Is there anything I can do because as Dr Lisle says we can’t change our nervous system? Am I doomed to live a life of what could have been?
3. Dr Lisle has spoken on previous episodes regarding running an experiment in order to engage your self esteem mechanism and feel the pride that comes with doing a good job. This pride will supposedly allow you to get on a path of self improvement. I could see how this process can be effective at turning off the feelings of frustration that come with doing a mediocre job. However in a previous episode Dr lisle also mentioned that boredom is a sign that you are not learning much at work and a signal for you to use your time more productively. How then does doing an excellent job and improving your self esteem signals bear on tasks you find boring? Can doing a good job and improving your self esteem signals make these tasks that are the “right of passage” as a junior employee feel less like drudgery?

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus