Chatabix

This week, we’ve a couple of emails from gameshow winners, a suggestion of a haunted place for Joe to visit, tales of serving fish and chips to a rock legend and a whole host of other local celebrity stories. Plus, a message from our old friend the Heart Attack man, a quip report, a public telling off and an impression of Andy Parsons.

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On today’s show, David has two ideas that he hopes will make for a great episode. Firstly he reads an email from a listener who, off the back of some medical problems, made a very risky quip to his doctor. Joe is suitably impressed and reckons it's one of the best quips he’s ever heard. Then secondly, David wants to know if Joe is pleased and thankful for his career - and asks him to congratulate himself about it too. So as you’d expect, that doesn’t go down quite so well.

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It’s time to wheel out the spiny chair again and for one of our hosts to get all nervous with anticipation. This time it’s David in the hot seat, as Joe’s lined up brilliant surprise guest for him. And here’s a little clue - they’re very handy and we’ve mentioned them on the pod many times before. Who could it be????

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Today’s episode is a bit of a Crimewatch special. Joe explains why he recently had to call the Police, David researches some tourist scams and pickpocketing techniques and they then both recount the times that they’ve been mugged, both in the UK and whilst away on holiday. So after all that, they decide it’s time to lighten the mood with an ad hoc gameshow - and this one’s all about remembering the details of stories they’ve previously told on the pod.

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Another episode straight from the Chatabix vaults and in this one, a listener sends us a quite remarkable email.

First posted on 7th October 2022

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On today’s very random selection of emails from our listeners, there’s some advice about using your phone less (plus an update from David about how his plans with that are going), some more offers to help out on the pod, a bit of praise, a pitch to supply Chatabix with some footballer guests and meeting Hale and Pace at the school gates.

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David and Joe kick off today’s show with some Traitors chat, as a load of secret Paul Gorton Chatabix episodes have just been posted on our Patreon. So if you're a Traitors fan, do make sure to check them out. Then it’s onto the main topic of the show - a video that Joe’s been sent of a very pleasant birthday lunch he went to recently. But he’s really not happy with his behaviour in it as he reckons he does far too much talking. So he sends the video to David to get his take on it and a full dissection of the goings on. A little later, David then reveals an embarrassing experience of his own, when he met up with Rob Beckett recently at a football match in Devon. Let’s just say, there’s a lot of cringing from the both of them.

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TV Joe is back with another of his now legendary quizzes. And this time, he’s going all Anne Robinson and treating us to a very special Chatabix version of The Weakest Link. But who are all the contestants going to be, we hear you ask? Well, David and Joe have invited along some friends of the pod to battle it out with them. There’s Rosie, Vyvyan, Eyes On Legs, Mezz Coleman, Canal Boat Georgie, Editor James and our Patreon competition winner Alex. So who will be the weakest of the links, who will be the best at banking, who will vote off who and which two quizzers will make it all the way through to the final round??? Ready yourselves - this is gonna be one heck of a gameshow!

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It’s a very positive start to today’s show as Joe is determined not to let his negativity take over the conversation. And in that spirit, he and David decide to re-book a ticket for the roller coaster ride that Joe failed to go on last year. Full of enthusiasm, he dives straight in and books one for Chessington - before realising he actually needs to go to the bigger ride at Thorpe Park. So he books one for there too. Much to David’s delight, Joe now has a two roller coaster day in store for himself - watch this space….

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The brilliantly funny Rob Beckett joins David and Joe to chat about self loathing, mainly.

First posted on 28th November 2022

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Well it’s Friday - so it must be another selection of wonderful emails from our Chatabix mailbag. This time, there’s messages from a gardener who loves running, some comments about upsetting Joe, an observation about David’s relationship with stand-up comedy, a couple playing the relocation game, an offer to smoke weed on the pod, a few pub jokes, a rather lame story about a washing machine and a new job at a very aptly named business.

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It’s a smutty start to today’s pod but once things settle down, Joe returns to his fascination with the pod charts - and what Chatabix’s current position is. Then somewhat bizarrely, the conversation moves onto being naked. And specifically, how comfortable the two of them are with being naked at home. In an attempt to change the subject to something more savoury, they then chat about their various injuries, going to the gym, being pooped after podding and why exactly do people make podcasts.

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After a kicking off the show with some chocolate ginger biscuit chat, Joe then tells David about a frustrating encounter he had recently with someone at the Sea Life aquarium in London. And another incident with an inconsiderate passenger on the train journey home the very same day. So David quizzes Joe about what he does and doesn’t do when people recognise him. As you’d imagine, it’s quite an awkward chat.

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After an invigorating run before recording today’s pod, Joe’s in a really upbeat mood and loving his life at the moment. It’s a sentiment that David is really pleased to hear as he’s needing a bit of a pick-up. So they both decide to have a really positive conversation for the whole of today’s show. But it’s not as easy as it sounds as those negative thoughts start creeping back in quite quickly - and they keep on having to remind themselves to ‘keep it joyful! Plus, there’s news about David’s postman, a chat about famous people who live in Devon, David reveals he has high cholesterol, Joe thinks he’s got a wheat allergy and we hear about Will Andrews brilliant Shed Show.

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Joe does 4 press ups and then some lovely Patrons phone in.

First posted on 11th October 2022

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On todays show, there’s messages about an inspirational grandmother, a gardener from the Surrey Downs, an obsession with the Isle of White, a song about paving slabs, some praise for the pod and a reminder of Joe’s promiser to ride a rollercoaster, a true crime podcast audition, a reply from Barry Morris and a couple of littering stores from a very conscientious farmer. What better way to kick off your Friday!

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Whilst holidaying on a barge in Bath last summer, David met the wonderful Georgie on the Kennet and Avon canal. Not only has Georgie been living on barges for the past four years, she’s also a dedicated Chatabiscuit. So what better way to learn more about the highs and lows of a life lived on the canals than inviting her onto the pod for a good old natter. David and Joe are in their element as Georgie tells them everything they want to know - this the real Canal Thursdays after all!

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David and Joe are in a very introspective mood for today’s show and it’s a right mixed bag of conversation. Amongst other things, they cover David starting his walking again, getting fitter, toe yoga, wide shoes, spending money, all or nothing attitudes, conversation shutters, Joe turning fifty, having 10 year goals, an American musical comedy show called Sir Winchalot, being untethered and coming up with new life plans. Plus, there’s an update on how David’s little Nokia phone experiment is going.

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Soon after they start todays’s episode, Joe realises he’s left his phone in his car and rushes off to get it as he’s worried it might be stolen. Seeing a perfect opportunity to wind Joe up, David tells him he shouldn’t get so stressed about things like that. He also recommends a much more zen attitude to theft and to even start thinking of it as ’sharing the wealth’. Well, there are plenty out there who might need it more. As you’d expect, this doesn’t go down well with Joe and the sparks soon start to fly. They also manage to have a bit of an argument about doing the housework too. This is one fiery episode - enjoy!

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In today’s blast from the Chatabix past, we chat about Omar Sharif's house, our bodies and being young.

First posted on 2nd December 2021

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David and Joe are opening the Chatabox mailbag again as it’s time for some more listener’s emails. This weeks messages include a request for help with a best man’s speech, some attention from Parenting Hell, an offer from the British Library, a Chatabiscuit in Santa Barbara, a touching story about surviving a stroke, some music from a listener’s old punk band and a superb letter from a composer who wrote the score to a body-building film.

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David’s decided he’s had enough of smart phones and has bought himself a little Nokia to free himself of his iPhone addiction. He’s full of hope for his new phone-free life and has even come up with some clever tactics to deal with not having any of his apps. Joe’s very supportive of the idea and even considers doing it himself - that is until he starts to see some cracks appear in David’s resolve. Then they both start to worry that it’s a really boring subject to discuss on the pod. Just how long will David’s plan last? And more importantly, how long will they manage to keep the listener’s attention for?

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David’s recent family holiday to the beautiful seaside village of Polperro in Cornwall was unceremoniously ruined by him catching a nasty bout of flu. So he explains to Joe just how promisingly the trip began and how disappointed he was when he had to spend the rest of it shivering in bed. Poor old David - but thankfully he’s over it now and feeling much more positive. Talk then turns to Joe’s new found enthusiasm for saunas. He went to one recently with his Mystery Meet Up pals and it turns out he really liked it - so has been a few more times since. But David’s very surprised to hear all this and digs in with his questioning to get to bottom of this very uncharacteristic move from Joe.

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After having some pretty serious problems with his prostate, David is thankfully on the mend and has just received the all clear on his most recent test results. So as well as being hugely relieved, he’s keen to talk about it with Joe on the pod and do his bit to help de-stigmatise some of the issues around prostate health. He’s also wants to let other men know who might find themselves in the same position that they’re not alone. But this is Chatabix of course, so the discussion is not without its fair share of awkwardness, self-doubt, leg-pulling and laughter. This is healthcare the Chatabix way!

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It’s a Chata-vault classic - our special guest for this one is the amazing impressionist Terry Mynott.

First posted on 14th December 2021

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On this weeks selection of emails from our listeners, we read messages about Ken Campbell’s funeral, more offers to help out with the pod, some scandalous tales from a health spa employee, bread-baking advice, a rather bitter story about Eddie ‘The Eagle’ Edwards and a lovely complement from one of our Patreons.

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After David’s caffeine crisis in the last episode, he’s especially keen not to talk too much today. But after Joe tell’s him he’s just back from the gym, an argument soon starts about David’s sensitivities with body-building and being picked on as a kid because his dad was into it. Essentially, it’s round two of the heated discussion they had about it a month or so ago. So in attempt to calm things down a bit, they talk about David’s Yoga - which is all very relaxing. Then talk turns to being young and getting old - and for some reason David remembers when he saw Judy Dench at a windmill in Outwood when he was 10 years old. This then leads to a whole host of random conversations about TV celebrities, local villages and childhood memories. It’s all very Chatabix indeed.

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Joe’s comes up with what he thinks is a great idea for today’s episode - to ask each other ‘What’s Your Sin?’. David however has a had a bit too much coffee and much to Joe’s annoyance, is finding it really difficult to concentrate. So their conversation veers all over the place and we never really get to find out what either of their sins are - other than David having a pair of shoes made for himself. They then have a discussion about the middle-aged men’s fashion style of woodcutter jackets worn with rugged jeans, key-chains and big boots. It’s a look that neither of them seem to like very much - until they ask Petra for her opinion on it and it’s definitely not what Joe expects to hear.

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Yes that’s right, we’re back for the second part The Great Chatabix Pottery Throw Down. So stay tuned for more pottery presenting practicing, a load of questions for Joe about him being a contestant on Celebrity Bake Off and more panicking from David about if he ever got offered to actually be on the show. It’s a right rollercoaster of emotions this one - enjoy!

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In our next episode dug out from the Chatabix archives, we chat about our horrible ambition, we play hotmail roulette and we talk about Dr Peter Thraft

First posted on 3rd May 2022

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On this week's Mailbag, David and Joe read messages about some praise for the pod and offers of help with it, a pot of yogurt on Horrible Histories, analysing the film Jaws, giving up on metal detecting, rude road names and a whole load of emails about taking litterers to task. Happy Friday!

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David is absolutely loving the current series of The Great Pottery Throw Down, so much so that he really wants to become one of its hosts. As Joe’s not seen the show before, David enthusiastically explains everything about it to him and what incredibly cosy TV it is. They then both have a think about what skills would be needed for David to join its presenting team. But after quite a few tries at him reading out some of the presenter links, they start to suspect that he might not have the right personality for it? Undeterred by this, they plough on with the presenter practicing - and even get in touch with one of the show’s previous hosts Ellie Taylor to get some tips. This one was a long old episode to record, so we’ve split it in half for you. Part two coming very soon…

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Mr Paul Gorton is back! He’s the star of last’s year series of The Traitors, the longest Deal Or No Deal storyteller in history and official Chatabix royalty. So sit back and relax as he reunites with David and Joe for a good old natter and to update them on all the recent twists and turns in his rise to stardom. And as Series 3 of The Traitors draws to a close, he gives us more of his unique take on the show with all his insider knowledge. Lovely stuff!

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What would David and Joe do if Chatabix ever came to an end and they weren’t able to pod anymore? Well, in this episode it’s a predicament that they decide to have a good long think about. But that’s not before they’ve have a load of very inappropriately timed technical problems to sort out. Could it be that Chatabix Towers is finally coming tumbling down? Stay tuned to find out…

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On this week’s vault classic, we chat about whether we want to do the podcast anymore, which podcasts don't deserve to be above us in the charts, Postman Pat facts, David's weight, Honk the Mole is back, we celebrate completing our scripts, the TV drama Doctor Foster, Take That playing Smells Like Teen Spirit LIVE, and then more Happy Happy Girl

First posted on 10th May 2021

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David and Joe are back with their big bag of listener’s emails. And this week, there’s messages about a very long brick wall, three music tracks sent in from Chatabiscuits, moving to Lanzarote in the 90s, suggestions for guests, the pleasures of cruise ship holidays and some useful feedback on our merch.

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Following on from the previous episode, where the subject of David and Joe having a singing lesson came up, the guys are joined today by Daniel Reid - aka Eyes On Legs. Daniel’s a brilliant music producer, the re-mixer of many of David’s Chatabix tracks and is also a bloody good singer and songwriter too. So David and Joe are hoping he can give them some coaching to improve their singing and get them more confident in front of the microphone. And as usual, they’re also wondering if it could make for a great new TV format. So good luck Daniel - but you might have your work cut out for you?

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As a surprise, David’s recorded a cover version of one of Joe’s favourite songs - Roachford’s Only To Be With You. They take a listen to it so Joe can tell him what he thinks and to seal the deal, David also plays him some of it live on his guitar. Joe seems to like it but David can’t quite work out if he’s being truthful - and he doesn’t get a great reaction when he offers to record a whole album for him. They then wonder if Roachford would be up for a collaboration and consider sending the track to him to find out. Finally, the idea of having singing lessons comes up and they hatch a plan to invite someone onto the pod to teach them both. Watch this space…

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Joe’s bored with all the life admin he has to do today - which is mainly just car stuff and paying a parking ticket. So he’s in a bit of a mood, which David makes the most of teasing him about. Then David mentions the date mornings that he’s started doing with his wife Naomi, which Joe seems a little uncomfortable about. There’s also some news they can’t talk about on the pod and Joe reveals how frustrated he gets with wasting money. Plus, David gives us his predictions about the future of podcasting - and it’s all going to be about virtual reality, apparently?

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On this week’s show from the Chatabix archives, the very funny Paul Chowdhry joins us for a little chat. Topics include Paul's body, Paul's diet, Joe's willy and crap auditions.

First posted on 19th October 2022

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To kick off this week’s Mailbag we get a follow-up email from Grace at The Almond Thief bakery in Devon and hear some very useful health and lifestyle advice from a recent retiree. Then we read messages about an endurance swimmer, changing careers to become a dog trainer, a heroic grandad who was in the SAS, play a listener’s song and receive an invitation to guest on someone’s podcast. You gotta love a bit of Mailbag!

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In a desperate attempt to think of a something to discuss on today’s show, David tells Joe about the time he got a job making paving slabs on a farm. And then another job he had as a waiter in an Italian restaurant, which he absolutely hated. They’re both not sure if the restaurant story has come up before on the pod, but with few other options, David ploughs on with telling Joe all about it. Needless to say, that job was very short-lived indeed. Joe then remembers an old flat that he bailed out on almost as quickly - so they have think about other things they’ve quit and it turns out there’s quite a few…

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The last time that Joe going to the gym came up in conversation, he and David got totally distracted by 80s bodybuilding. So in this episode, David picks up on his questioning about why Joe’s no longer dismissive of using gyms and looking after his body. Then, in a total change in subject, David remembers it’s a year ago exactly he was on holiday in Antigua. That sparks off a whole load of reminiscing - and plenty of embarrassment too when he recalls his idea about moving there. It’s a very meandering episode, in the best Chatabix way of course.

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David’s away from home so doing the pod remotely and Joe’s just back from a weekend in Bath. So they have a de-brief on all of that and David also reads out a negative review of the pod he’s recently seen. But rather than letting that get them down, they decide to celebrate Chatabix instead. They’ve both been loving recording again after their break and feel very privileged to do the podcast. Then it’s onto the main subject of the episode - an update on Joe’s quipping. For the past few weeks he’s been attempting to write down all of the silly little gags he constantly makes when out in public and they both reckon it’d make for a great book. So they decide to turn it into a quip quiz and Joe tests David to see if he can work out what some of them were. And what a very fun game it is too!

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We’re kicking off the new year with a classic from the Chatabix archives - which has one of our favourite episode titles ever. In this one, we chat about Happy Happy Girl, when Joe was skinny, being sacked again, Andrew Roachford, Linda Lusardi, Chris Tarrant and Who wants to be a millionaire

First Posted on 8th April 2021

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T’was the night before Christmas - well, a couple of days before it actually - and David and Joe have got together to record one final pod before the big day. And it’s a biggie of an episode too. So settle in for a whole load of festive fun and gift giving, with chat about plans for the holidays, winter spa days, taking up fencing, some YouTube trolling and plenty of resolutions for the New Year. Have yourselves a very merry Christmas and we’ll see you all again in the new year. Crunch crunch!

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It’s a festive edition of messages from our listener’s Mailbag - which aren’t actually festive themselves, it’s just that we’re doing it the week before Christmas. But to mark the occasion, we’re giving away a pair of amazing Flare Audio Earphones (Chatabix Edition) to the writers of each email we read out. And we’re also giving away a few more in a little Christmas competition for our lovely Patreons. Merry Christmas!!!

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It’s that time of the year again - TV Joe is back and he’s brought his big sack of Christmas quizzes with him. To kick things off, David and Joe give him his Christmas present and in return, he runs them through some of his television highlights of this Christmas season. Then it’s time to sit back and relax while TV Joe tests the guys on some wonderfully festive trivia questions, followed by another classic Christmas-themed ‘Name That Tune’ challenge. As ever, this is quizzing at its very best!

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The one and only Natalie Cassidy joins David and Joe for our most Christmassy Chatabix episode of the year! It’s been ages since they’ve spoke to Nat so there’s plenty of catching up to do, before the chat moves on to all matters festive. They discuss everything from putting up decorations, entertaining the family and their favourite Christmas board games, to the highs and lows being in a pantomime, some favourite moments of the year and their hopes and dreams for 2025. They simply have the most wonderful Christmas time - ho ho ho!

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Yes that’s right, it’s time once again for the now legendary annual festive ‘Listing Comedians Names from the Chortle Website’ episode. And this year, David and Joe take on the letters K to N. It is, as ever, a thrilling rollercoaster ride of an episode, so hold onto your Santa hats. And for those who make it all the way through, there’s a bonus quiz at the end to reward you for your patience.

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This week’s episode from the Chatatbix archives was a proper landmark for the show. We celebrated being number 1 in the iTunes podcast charts - and then lost confidence.

First posted on 27th June 2022

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On this week’s mailbag, we get some incorrect advice about a

wealthy acquaintance of David’s from Chichester, a collection of coincidences

from two newlywed Chatabiscuits, The Cockfields filming locations, Port Isaac,

a listener sting, musical repeats, guest recommendations and a list of names

for weed. Happy Friday!

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Joe revealed recently that he’s started going to the gym regularly. And as it’s quite a change in attitude for him, David wants to know the what, where and why about it all. Which doesn’t make Joe feel particularly comfortable. What with all the chat about gyms, David also reveals that his dad was really into the whole bodybuilding scene in the 80’s and once took him to see the world's strongest man - Bill Kazmaier - training in Brighton. So we get a full run down of the Mr Universe competitions from him, and Joe watches some old footage of it too. It’s quite the muscle-flexing episode.

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David’s very keen to hear all about Joe’s new hobby of bread baking, which he’s taken up in an attempt to be more wholesome with his spare time. So David hatches a lovely plan to record a cosy Bake-Off style episode and begins by asking Joe to explain exactly what’s involved, in as much detail as possible. But Joe seems strangely reluctant to get into it all. Could it be that cracks are stating to appear in his bread baking enthusiasm already???

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First up, an enthusiastic but short-lived idea to resurrect local radio phone-in shows on the pod. Then there’s some really big news from Joe when he reveals he’s given up drinking Coke Zero and is also trying to cut down on processed foods. In an attempt to avoid the dreaded ‘snipers ally’, Joe’s now all about less bacon, fewer evening biccies and brown pasta with his meatballs. And it turns out David’s pretty consumed with a healthy diet too and now only buys from farm shops. Then the chat turn to David’s very busy trip to Ikea, the time Joe’s dad helped him renovate his flat in Tooting and an update on metal detecting. It’s all of life of Chatabix today.

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Straight from the vaults - in this one we struggle for a while, talk about Chockablock, stalkers and The Cockfields Facebook thread.

First posted on 11th November 2021

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New series, new mailbag. And this week, we read messages about listening to the pod at double speed, canal boating hassles, several sightings of David out in public, some belated birthday wishes and more on TV prop storage. There’s also a long deviation from the emails when David recounts a recent altercation with a music shop assistant. Enjoy!

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It’s been a long while coming but it’s finally time to dust off the spinney chair and get David ready for another nail-biting surprise guest reveal. And for this one, Joe’s lined up a right corker, as it’s someone with a very special connection to the pod. So who could it be - stay tuned to find out???

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Right, this one’s a little tricky to explain, so here we go… After a brief chat about David’s recent trip to Ikea which doesn’t really go anywhere, Joe tells him about the monthly mystery meet-ups he does with a group of friends from Brighton. Continuing with the theme, David then recounts an impromptu morning he spent in a cafe recently with some of the other dads from his neighbourhood. All of which leads to both of them revealing their general awkwardness when making plans with mates. In true Chatabix fashion, they find the subject very embarrassing to discuss and spend the rest of the episode seriously unraveling. It’s a very awkward conversation indeed - lovely stuff.

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It’s the first episode of our brand new series! And to mark the new start, the guys are determined to display a lot more wisdom on the pod from now on. After a quick catch up, the chat turns to David’s teenage dreams of being in a successful band and the time he first saw The Cure play at Wembley Arena. Then, with The Cure’s new album recently released, David gets Joe to listen to one of its tracks and he reluctantly shares his thoughts on it. They also discuss music that makes them cry and both have a go at some singing. It’s great to be back - with non-stop wisdom guaranteed.

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In this week's archive show from the Chatabix vaults, we chat about feeling embarrassed about performing. Again.

First posted on 27th April 2022

Ps. David’s football podcast we mention at the start of the show is now called You Don’t Know What You’re Doing - and available in all the usual pod places.

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It’s a biggie of a Vault show this week as in this episode, we celebrated our 100th episode!!!!

First posted on 25th November 2021

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In this week’s show from the Chatabix archives, we chat about technical difficulties, Ben Rufus Green, Joe's music library and turning Joe into a successful model.

First posted on 23rd June 2021

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It's another wonderful show from our archive vaults. And in this one, first posted on 18th January 2022, Vyvyan joins us - and we sing!

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In this week’s show from the Chatabix archives, we chat about the charts, listeners unsubscribing and Chatabix buses - then play an impressions games and introduce a surprise guest. First posted on 27th April 2021

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We might be on a short break until our new series begins - but the Vault Monday shows continue regardless! In this episode, first posted on 29th July 2021, we chat about bad thoughts, what presents to buy and we sing an improvised farewell song.

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To finish your Chatabix week off in style, we bring you an extra episode from our back-catalogue vaults. And in this show, first posted on 16th November 2022, we’re joined by the brilliant genius Richard Osman, who chats mainly to David about the county of Sussex, whilst Joe watches iPlayer. Then they all turn their attention to gameshows and how to come up with great new TV ideas. There’s also a lot of chat about Deal or No Deal, which it turns out Richard was the producer of for many years. It’s one heck of an episode!

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It’s our 500th show and the final episode of this series. So what better way to end things before we take a short break than with a Listener’s Mailbag! We kick things off with a message from someone very close to the pod about Joe’s domestic cleaning - which is all rather awkward for him. And it’s pretty uncomfortable for David too when Joe asks him for an update on his washed sofa covers. This leads onto a long conversation about keeping up with the household chores and their plans to do more cooking. After all that, there’s just time for a few more of your emails, which this week are about catching up on the back catalogue, buying Noel Edmonds old house, going to Bagdad, supporting a mates band and high strength hand-dryers. Thanks for all your messages, we love reading them. Please send us more at [email protected]

A bonus Vault episode will be going out tomorrow (Thursday) and our usual Vault Monday shows will continue through the break. We'll be back soon!

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After last week’s episode about swingers, David suggests they ask the Chatabix Patreons if any have swung and might be up for coming on the pod to chat about it. Much like last time, it’s a subject that makes Joe feel very uncomfortable - but he can’t quite explain to David exactly why. After failing to get to the bottom all that, they send out the message and surprisingly get quite a few responses. So they invite one of the people who’ve replied to join them and he kindly Zooms in to reveal all. It turns out he has two very unfortunate stories which are quite the rollercoaster ride. So hold onto your hats - it’s an instant Chatabix classic! Many thanks to our Patreon ‘Minnie’ (not his real name) for being such a good sport.

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To kick off the Chatabix week, each Monday we’re putting out an episode from the early days of the pod, as there’s plenty you might not have heard. Well, we have recorded about 12,000 episodes. Please excuse any dodgy sound quality as there was plenty of that back then - but we’re hoping you might find that all part of the charm. In this week’s episode, first posted on 31st January 2022, David gets someone on to pretend to be an England cricketer and Joe falls for it and feels very uncomfortable at one point. Enjoy!

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Just in time to kick off your weekend, it’s more treats from the Chatabix mailbag. This week, David and Joe read out messages about a Cliff Richard Blue Plaque, a Chatabix book club, the Totness market bakery, a recent dream about the pod, a song inspired by biscuits, sea-shanties, a potential new theme tune and a listener’s dance music track. It’s a proper musical episode - enjoy!

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After a quick brainstorm about what to talk about on today’s show, Joe and David decide to look at some life hacks. But after a promising start, they soon get board of the idea. So they scrap that and switch things up by David asking Joe what he’ll be doing in five years time - which sends Joe into a bit of a spin. So you can expect loads of slightly uncomfortable chat about difficult decisions, getting older, maybe relocating to the countryside and whether for not to build a podcast studio in the garden.

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After listening to an old Chatabix episode from a couple of years ago, David’s remembered his plan to track down some swingers to talk to on the pod. He and Joe quickly realise it might be quite a weird thing to do, but plough on with the idea nonetheless. Joe’s also pretty worried about the dark web, as he thinks they may have to use it for their research. But as David can’t turn off his browser’s safe-search setting, it looks like it might be up to Joe to do most of the work. So stay tuned to find out what they discover and if they decide to go through with any of it…

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Joe’s travelling up to London for some work and while he’s on the train, he Zooms David to record today’s episode. So, there’s lots of chat about trains, they both tell stories about weird passengers they’ve encountered, we all learn a bit about what ADR is and Joe tell’s David about a recent encounter with a litterer which got him properly worked up. Plus, there’s the obligatory patchy WI-Fi signal, of course. It’s a great way to kick off the Chatabix week!

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Another one straight from the vaults - and this time we’re chatting about the quote on Joe's bedroom wall, the charts and Joe takes an IQ test

First posted 8th June 2021

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More mailbag, more of your emails - and this week’s selection includes a request for a personalised birthday message, a repot of a kissing Joe, advice on buying a narrowboat, recollections from a holiday in Majorca, information on old TV prop storage, a lovely listener jingle and some momories from a listeners old raving days.

Thanks for all your messages, we love reading them! Please send us more at [email protected]

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After some chat about Spotify playlists and whether they’re starting to looking old, Joe asks David if he’s had any progress with his plans to become a house-husband. Which naturally leads them onto discussing housework in general and just how much of it they actually do? To get to the bottom of things, they come up with a nifty little quiz to find out which of them does the most - and it turns out to be a pretty revealing 15 minutes for the both of them. Also, after wondering how much housework other comedian do, they text Rob Beckett for his take on things and Joe reluctantly reveals his very special recipe for meatballs.

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It’s a right old mixed bag of chat on today’s show - all very Chatabixy! So, after starting off with David playing some old BBC Christmas promos from the 80’s, the conversation moves onto feeling nostalgic (or not), location film sets in Devon and Brighton, David losing another tooth, feeling weird about people knowing where you live, a few messages from listeners and finally Joe’s ongoing battle to quip less. Whether that’s a good or a bad thing, we’ll leave up too you to decide…

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To kick off today’s show, Joe tells David that he’s started drawing using his iPad, which he’s really loving and has almost finished his first picture. Also, as they’ve both been ill for the past week, they compare notes on all that. Then it’s onto the main topic of the episode - David’s week alone at home without Naomi, taking full responsibility for looking after the kids and doing all of the household chores. He reckon’s he’s been coping wonderfully and wonders what all the fuss is about. But after a little questioning from Joe, it turns out David might not having been quite as successful as he thought. Will Naomi in fact be returning to a bit of a disaster zone - and will David be able to keep any of it up after she’s back?

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In this week’s show from the Chatabix archives, first posted on 30th March 2021 (and our second ever episode), David and Joe talk about wearing make up and terrible teenage songs.

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This week’s mail (i.e. emails sent into us over the past 3 years) includes messages about gut-barging, painting canal barges, a missing goat, talking about teeth and a most unfortunate cycling injury. Plus, in a Mailbag first, we speak to the actual Joe Wilkinson whose email we read out last week. What a lovely Chatabiscuit!

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David has come up with three potential topics to discuss on today’s show and thankfully, Joe likes the sound of all of them. But when David begins with a very embarrassing story from his youth about going to the Café de Paris nightclub in London and the first time he took an ecstasy pill - Joe’s really only interested in hearing more about that. So buckle up for a full hour of revelations about his drug-fuelled night of podium dancing, an extremely regretful dance-floor compliment and some very short-lived DJing aspirations too. Trust us, it’s quite the episode.

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On a recent episode of the pod, David and Joe talked about heart attacks and mentioned that they’d be fascinated to speak with someone who’s had one. It turns out that loyal Chatabiscuit Andrew White had one about 10 years ago - and he graciously emailed in to say he’d be happy to have a chat. So he joins us on today’s show for a good old natter about it all. Thankfully Andrew fully recovered from the awful incident and whilst keeping ever vigilant about his health, he’s been making the most of things ever since. Cheers Andrew!

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Petra’s been away for a week and to be honest, Joe’s been struggling on his own. Which gets him and David thinking about what life would be like if they became single again - and as it turns out, it’s pretty bleak. Joe then reveals he had an altercation whilst out driving the other day, so him and David swap stories about other annoying road incidents. After all that, to lighten the mood, David tells a story about re-enacting a family photo and looking around his grandparent’s old house in Devon. Lovely stuff.

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To kick off the Chatabix week, each Monday we’re putting out an episode from the early days of the pod, as there’s plenty you might not have heard. Well, we have recorded about 12,000 episodes. Please excuse any dodgy sound quality as there was plenty of that back then - but we’re hoping you might find that all part of the charm. Enjoy!

In this week’s show, first posted on 22nd February 2022, we chat to Mark Roberts - the greatest streaker in the world! He's streaked at every event you can think of.

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More listener’s emails, both old and new. And the first one we read out is from another Joe Wilkinson - how mad is that! Thanks Joe, lovely to hear from you. Other messages include an invite to a game of tennis, more sightings of Blue Plaques, some behavioural therapy regarding showing off, the problems with listening to the pod whilst using a chainsaw, television props, being on the Krypton Factor and working at Millbank Tower.

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TV Joe’s just back from a trip to Nashville USA. So David and Joe kick things off by finding out how that all went and also ask him a lot of questions about cowboy boots. But of course TV Joe has a new quiz for them to play - and this time it’s a great, three-part game called ‘Name That Age’. David and Joe are pretty excited about it - so much so that they even wonder if Richard Osmond might be interested in the format? So stay tuned to find out what it’s all about and hear how David and Joe get on once the quiz begins. This one’s definitely a winner!

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Today’s episode begins all very innocently, with David and Joe talking about waterproof watches and looking at some old photos of themselves. But when Joe tells David about the Massive Attack concert he went to recently, it turns out he saw a few people taking drugs there. It made him feel pretty uncomfortable at the time and he admits it’s something that’s always baffled him. Seizing his chance, David then tries to find out exactly what Joe does and doesn’t know about recreational drug use. So the topic for the rest of the episode is set - and it’s a right Chatabix drugs-fest.

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Joe’s just back from a trip to the Isle of White where he over-ate and also had quite a few compliments from the locals about The Cockfields. Being a big supporter of the RNLI, he also took the opportunity to visit their station in Bembridge and tells David about watching one of the boats launch. Then for some reason, David remembers that David Walliams has swam the English Channel and so they want to find someone who’s done that too, to ask them what it’s like. Talk then inevitably turns to moving to the Isle of White and also, who gets the ball rolling on discussions about stuff like that with their wives. They then consider loads of other locations across the UK as possibilities to relocate to - so much so that it soon develops into a ‘yes or no’ game show.

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It’s Friday folks - and definitely time for some more emails from the Chatabiscuits. So, after a quick revelation from Joe that he recently went to a Massive Attack concert (much more on that in a future episode hopefully), we read messages about a listener’s band, an embarrassing audio recording from David’s past, a rather awkward situation about an ignored tattoo and some lovely information about three different blue plaques.

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As David’s returning to St Ives for another visit soon, Joe tells him about the time he went to the Tate gallery there. So they discuss some of the art it has and David recounts an afternoon he spent in the town, visiting cosy little art galleries and chatting to a few of the artists. Then he imagines setting a up podcast studio there - much to the annoyance of the other artists. He also visited the beautiful seaside village of Zenner, and tells Joe about that too. So talk inevitably turns to moving to Cornwall again. Finally, as they’re keen to speak to someone who lives in St Ives, they put a call out to the Patreons. And as luck would have it, James does and has lived all his life there. So joins them on Zoom to tell them about it - lovely.

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Picking up from the previous episode, David and Joe continue with their art discussion and firstly consider what it takes to be good at photography. Moving on, they then have a think what their favourite artworks are, discuss Picasso’s Three Dancers, wonder at the brilliance of Bob Dylan’s paintings and worry about coming across as pretentious. David also selects a few more episode titles for Joe to start painting and tries his hand at teaching Joe how to be better at painting. Art-world stardom awaits!

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David’s just ordered a load of fancy new pens, as he started doing sketches of Cornish cottages whilst on holiday and properly got into it. In an amazing co-incidence, it turns out Joe’s recently started drawing again too - great minds think alike and all that. He’s also been wondering about painting pictures based on old episode titles of the pod, and the first one he wants to attempt is ‘Being Skinny and Having Lunch With Linda Lusardi’. Which is an occasion David remembers well, so he starts describing the details for Joe to sketch.

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Delving into the Chatabix mailbag once again, we read emails about an actor who was in the Only Fools & Horses spin-off show, advice about weight loss, American football, opinions on Horsham, a very eventful summer job in a London hotel, a suggestion to add tension to David and Joe’s Pyramid game, camper van hassles and John Challis’s house.

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It’s a wonderful day at Chatabix Towers as Natalie Cassidy is back with David and Joe for a good old natter. And it’s a proper family affair to begin with as she’s joined by her husband Mark and one of their daughters too. They all spent the night camping in the garden. They soon both need to leave to pack up the tents, but not before Davids takes the chance to ask Mark a few questions about being a camera operator at Wimbledon. Then, it’s onto the chatting proper and Nat updates us on a new series she’s filming, how things are going with her podcasts and what working with Ricky Gervais was like. Plus, David hosts an exciting Eastenders quiz and Nat tells us all about how her career got started. It’s one bumper of an episode!

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During David’s recent holiday in Cornwall, he visited the St Ives Museum where he discovered some spooky family history. So he tells Joe all about it, along with plenty more of the Cornish delights that he learnt about at the museum. So sit tight for some wonderful tales from the past, such as the story of the Hearts Ice Cream brothers, the history of the Sloop Inn and the origins of the good old Cornish Pasty. Plus, we meet Podcast Man - a decidedly lacklustre superhero.

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Worst news - David has hurt his leg and had to cancel his long-planned Two Moors Walk, right before he was supposed to start it. And when he explains what’s happened, it sounds like Joe had exactly the same injury a few years ago. So they compare notes on their symptoms. The big question is though, will David still keep his B&B bookings so he doest lose out on the money he’s paid for them? It’s a huge disappointment and a tough decision to make, so there’s a lot to discuss.

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Time to open up the lovely old Chatabix listener’s mailbag once again - and we kick things off with some really old ones. Sorry it’s taken so long to get around to them, but we got there in the end. This week, your topics include Deacon Blue, a Paul Foot gig, a new gardening business, short-lived hobbies, Ibizan Chatabiscuits and foreign listener meet-ups, playing chess, the psychology of showing off and being on Blind Date.

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Andy is back on the Bix! And it’s been such a long time - so David and Joe are really keen to find out what he’s been up to. Well, as it happens he’s just back from America where he somehow manage to play in the US Nine-Ball Pool Open in Atlantic City. It was undoubtably the trip of a lifetime for him so he tells us all. And with all the deviations and distractions that the three of them always have when chatting, the story takes up the whole of the show. Plus, a whole lotta chat about 80’s chocolate adverts. Lovely stuff.

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We left the last episode on a right cliffhanger, so hold on tight for the big reveal - just how did David get on at the Dental Implant Centre?! But this is Groundhog Day podding after all, so you know the drill - plenty more repetitious dentistry chat. And stay tuned for some properly dramatic news about his Bath move. There’s also a lot of awful 4G reception from David, so apologies for that. All in all, it’s a classic bit of Chatabix.

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David’s about to go back to the dentist for some more work on his teeth - or should that be the Dental Implant Centre? Either way, he’s pretty anxious again and speaks to Joe beforehand to explain exactly what he’s having done and how much it’s all costing. They also discuss the awkwardness of teeth whitening, read out some dental surgery reviews, consider death (of course) and wonder if all podcasters are ‘just a bit shit’. Joe also points out that they might be repeating a lot of this from their previous dentist episode, but none-the-less has another go at telling David about his hernia op. It’s a proper Groundhog Day edition of the pod. Make sure to check out part 2 to find out how the appointment went.

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In an exciting new addition our Friday Treat shows, David and Joe open up the Chatabix mailbag (well, email account actually) and read out a selection of your recent messages. And some not so recent too, as its been while since they last checked. So you can expect a right mixed bag of suggestions, questions, praise, criticisms and advice from some of our lovely listeners out there. This week’s topics include rollercoasters, mudlarking, American fans and mystery football matches.

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Joe went to a friend’s BBQ at the weekend, where all the guests played lots of games in the garden. He knows he got very competitive about it all and fortunately for us, some of the action was filmed. So he reluctantly sends David a few of the video clips for an analysis of his behaviour. And it turns out Joe’s excitement when celebrating was just as embarrassing as he remembers. David digs in to make the most of the discomfort - this is one deliciously awkward episode. Enjoy!

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We’re back with David in Bath as he continues his tour of the city - with Joe on Zoom, following him on Google Maps. But they don’t get very far this time as David soon stumbles upon a beautiful cricket ground, right in the centre of town alongside the river. He’s instantly in heaven. He also gets recognised and is offered a cup of coffee while he watches the players warm up for their match. Then it’s a wander along the river Avon, whilst he and Joe imagine what a new life living there would be like. Lovely stuff.

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David’s in the beautiful city of Bath for a few days, to scout for a potential new home - so Joe join’s him on Zoom while he has a drive around. With eight house viewings already booked in, David also wants to see some sights and get a feel for the place that he’s rapidly falling in love with. It just so happens that where David is starting off is right near Joe’s mother-in-law’s house, and also where his favourite place in Bath is. So they make sure to include those destinations on the journey. Off they go on their exiting adventure to explore the city…

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In some very exciting news, David’s bought a cold tub and of course Joe wants him to get into it on the pod. But for a number of reasons he won’t today, so that’s the end of that for the moment (watch this space). David does have a boxer-size class later in the morning though, so he does some demonstrations for Joe. In true Chatabix fashion, the conversation then spirals off into a whole host of miscellaneous delights. They even have a little competition over how long they can crouch down leaning against a wall for. It’s all go on today’s show.

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On today’s show, our very special guest is the world’s best David Brent impersonator, Tim Oliver. So once Joe and David have calmed down after first seeing and hearing him in character (he’s so good it’s all a bit overwhelming), they chat to Tim about how on earth he got into it all. Plus, appearances at work parties, stag-do’s and a even wake, doing 1000’s of Cameo videos, how best to maintain a permanent goatee and the time he got to interview Ricky Gervais himself. It has to be said, Tim is one of the guy’s favourite guests ever - fact!

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It’s another electric start to the show with the guys both pumped and ready for action. Not really - this is Monday morning podding after all. Once they eventually wake up and have a chat about their weekends, David reveals that he’s bought a hamster for his son. But unfortunately, he’s already worrying about it dying. So Joe tells him about the sickly dog his family had when he was growing up. It just so happens that David’s really thinking about getting a dog at the moment, so he asks Joe loads of questions about what it’s like to look after one. They don’t quite see eye to eye on the matter and decide to way up the pros and cons - with the picking up of its shit seemingly of primary concern.

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More Friday treats for you courtesy of the Chatabix old pub jokes mail bag. And with Joe in a rather cheeky mood, it’s a right smutty selection this time - you have been warned. Have a good laugh and a wonderful weekend too!

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Thanks heavens, it’s TV Joe time again. And he’s back with more television-themed quizzes for us. But that’s not before David and Joe have quizzed him on a few things themselves, like what’s it like being a session musician, if he has any good show-biz anecdotes and what music TV shows he’s played on. Plus a bit of cricket scoring chat and some TV news too. Then, it’s on with the wonderful new gameshows - name that theme and name that scene. Quiz-on!

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David’s going to the dentist for a filling and is pretty anxious about it as he hasn’t been for ages. So it’s an obvious opportunity to document the whole experience on the pod - this is Chatabix after all. Speaking to Joe beforehand, David’s a little high on nerves and distracts himself by singing some old songs and finding out about the hernia operation Joe had years ago. And they continue the chat as David leaves home and drives to the surgery, in spite of some pretty terrible Wi-Fi. Then finally, with the procedure complete and his mouth still a little numb, David gives Joe a full debrief - and what a brave boy he’s been.

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When the guys realise they’ve nothing to talk about on today’s pod, David decides to list all the things that have been on his mind recently. And for some reason, Joe writes them all down. But that thankfully provides the solution to the rest of the show, as he dives in to quiz David about them all - one by one and ticking them off as he goes. Genius podding!

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It’s the day you’ve all been waiting for - the grand final of our Coin-Toss Snooker Tournament! And we’re back in glorious Sheffield with a capacity crowd at The Crucible to watch all the action. Our two finalists have battled their way through three gruelling rounds and now face each other across the baize. They are of course, Chris ‘The Spider’ Webster and Oakley ‘Perky’ Perkinson. Who will win the day and be crowned the Chatabix Coin-Toss Champion? Or should that be Plectrum-Toss? Crumbs this is exciting!

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Despite David feeling a little bit iffy, he and Joe plough on with today’s show and start off by imagining what Joe would be like as a woman. And they come up with a pretty comprehensive picture actually - looks, clothes, husband, son and a profession too. Moving on, talk turns to their short-realised ideas, such as moving to Antigua, surfing, metal detecting, and magnet fishing. Then some thoughts about Joe’s 50th and the guys have a bit of a panic about getting older. Fun times on the pod!

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More tales of woe from Joe’s recent campaign trip. Find out whether things improved at all on his second day in the glorious Sussex countryside, and if he actually mange another night sleeping in his tent?

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Joe’s just back from a weekend away camping with Petra and a load of their friends. He’d revealed to David beforehand that he really wasn’t looking forward to the camping side of the trip - especially things like pitching the tent and using the showers and toilets. So David digs in deep on all of the details and relishes every minute of Joe’s tales of discomfort, irritability and complete ineptitude in helping out with practical matters. We end things on a cliffhanger moment, the morning after Joe’s first stressful night of sleeping in a tent. So make sure you catch part 2 to find out what happened.

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David and Joe come up with an idea to play a game based on the podcast charts. They get over excited and really enjoy themselves. Pathetic really. David's 50 and Joe's 49 - grow up lads, yeh? Anyway, here's some Friday fun.

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David stayed at a London hotel last night and is shattered after a late night out in Soho. He’s also feeling very old after being around so many trendy, young London people. But he’s ordered some room service, which Joe reveals he’s never done before - so David wants to know why. It turns out he’s rather more of reluctant to spend money than David had realised. So stay tuned to find out why rather than the occasional hotel luxury, Joe prefers a trip to the supermarket to buy some fruit and a carton of mini mozzarella balls. Somewhat predictably, this episode contains quite a bit of unraveling…

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Joe’s just back from a holiday in Pembrokeshire, so he tells David about what he got up to. Unfortunately the weather wasn’t great but he did bump into comedian Paul F. Taylor, which was nice. And they discuss why they both always imaging living in the different holiday destinations that they visit. Joe also got stuck in a huge traffic jam on his way home, which may have tarnished his memory of the holiday - along with having to clear up the AirBnB at the end. Then, as David’s no longer moving, a home extension is on the cards at the Earl household. So there’s plenty more for them to discuss as Joe’s already been through the process. But they’re both worried this might be a really boring chat to listen to? Plus, news of a potential new Friday Treat episode about bunking off excuses.

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We’re not gonna lie, it’s a haphazard start to the opening of the show. But once things have settled down, Joe and David start chatting about house extensions and how much hassle they may or may not be to organise. Which leads onto David recounting his rather stressful visit to a bathroom showroom recently with his family. Let’s just say the whole experience left him a little despondent. But thanks to the sterling efforts of his wife Naomi, at least they have a new bathroom to look forward to. Plus, some chat about crappy old jobs and news about Joe joining a gym. Classic Chatabix!

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Time for another visit from TV Joe, who’s back with a new (or should that be old?) TV gameshow for David and Joe to play - Family Fortunes! First up though, and in spite of it being very old news now, the guys have a re-cap of Joe’s recent trip to Germany for the Euro’s semi-final. Which leads to a conversation about iconic sporting events and despite Joe’s disinterest, quite a bit of cricket chat too. Then it’s on with the game - which is considerably more difficult than the three of them had expected. Our survey said…

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It’s the first time that the guys have spoken since David did his best man speech, and Joe’s really keen to find out how things went. But first they need to get some tech issues sorted, discuss a few ailments and have a look at the special running shoes Joe wears because of his ‘blocky’ feet. Then, once David finally gets over his reticence to talk about it, he reveals all about doing his speech. The wedding was also in Joe’s home town of Brighton, so he wants to know exactly where and when everything happened. And there’s quite a lot of chat about crying too and surprisingly, some quotes from Gary Neville.

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It’s the day before David’s best man speech and his best friend Mike’s wedding day, of course. So Joe and David have a lot to talk about - from practicing his speech and the weather prospects, to tactics for overcoming nerves and what suit he’s going to wear. And also whether he can get away with wearing his huge compass watch on the big day? They also both reminisce about their own weddings and how great they were. Then, in a complete change of subject, they excitedly reveal to each other what their latest Mystery Football shirts are, and have a check of the charts too. Well, it’s been a while.

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It’s time to kickstart your weekend with another cracking Chatabix selection of old-school pub jokes. So expect loads and loads and loads of laughs as David and Joe are joke heaven! Thanks for all the submissions you’ve been sending in and keep ‘em coming at [email protected]

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David’s just been to see one of his favourite bands The National, who were performing a concert at the Eden Project in Cornwall. He was shattered for the whole evening and had a weary drive there and back, but loved every minute of the show. Well, those minutes that he actually stayed for, as he may of may not have made it to the end? The concert got him thinking about what it’s like being 50 and playing in a band for a living - and also that their drummer looks a lot like Joe.

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Joe went to an Ibiza Proms concert on Brighton beach at the weekend and David wants to know everything about it. Unsurprisingly, Joe wasn’t in his comfort zone for most of the event - and even popped home to watch some football for a few hours. So David digs in for more information and enjoys every minute of Joe’s squirming. Plus, there’s some chat about DJing, a tale about meeting a millionaire and an update on the long awaited stag-do that David’s just returned from.

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It’s the last of our Back Chatalogue surprise guest repeats - and this one was a very special occasion for Joe. Earlier this year, he and David were joined by Paul Sinton-Hewit, who is the founder of Parkrun. It’s a fantastic organisation which has played an important part in thousands of runner’s lives all over the world since Paul founded it in 2004. Least of all Joe’s, who might be one of its biggest fans. So Paul kicks things off with some of Joe’s running and volenteering statistics, before going on to explain how Parkrun came about and grew into the much-loved institution that it is now. Joe was in heaven!

Recorded March 2024

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We’re down to the last four players in our Chatabix Coin-Toss Snooker Tournament - and the tension is really mounting! Today’s two matches are Karen ‘Have-a’ Loveday vs Chris ‘The Spider’ Webster, and Oakley ‘Perky’ Perkinson vs Jennifer ‘The Umlaut’ Grunwald. Who will make it through to the grand final?

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Joe was at the Euro Semi Final in Dortmund and gives us the lowdown.

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David’s taken the train up to London for a meeting in Soho. So while he walks there from Paddington station, he gives Joe a call so they can chat on the way. Joe suggest’s doing a Blue Plaque tour, reads out some local London history and also tries to convince David to overcome his fear of the Underground. No chance! David also pops in to Superdrug to get some deodorant, grabs a sandwich from Pret, and tracks down the Post-Production offices where he used to work many years ago. It’s a lovey little wander through the West End.

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Joe calls David and does an extra special where's Joe Now. Completely out of the blue, this episode. Hence the terrible audio. But, please - there was nothing we could do. Nothing. Almost, nothing.

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It’s a sticky start to the episode as the guys have nothing to talk about. So they have a try at anything they can think of - from playing Pictionary and checking the charts, to reading out dodgy limericks and reminding themselves of the 90’s TV show Win Lose Or Draw. Then talk turns to celebrities they’ve met earlier in life, like Natalie Imbruglia and Daley Thompson. Which sparks off a whole lot of reminiscing about shitty old jobs. Plus, David closes the show by singing a whole James Blunt song - Chatabix drivel at its finest!

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It’s the second part of Joe and David’s mega-chat with last week’s guest Lee Mack. Picking things up again, the talk turns to game shows, pitching new ideas, learning lines, script read-through and the challenges of recording with a live audience. Plus, Lee tries to cast David as a policeman in his huge hit sit-com Not Going Out. It’s another epic episode!

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Time for another selection from all the great old-school pub jokes that you’ve been sending into us. And this time there’s some right classics in there! We couldn’t think of a better way to finish off the week. Thanks to all everyone for sending them in - keep ‘em coming at [email protected]

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Fenners is back! And even though he’s on a tight schedule for the recording, he’s got loads to tell us about. It’s a heady mix of flat tires, speeding tickets, Soccer Aid, his new podcast about a fictional football team, changing rooms, training grounds, old TV shows, favourite interviews, presenting an awards ceremony and a very secret new project. So much to talk about! They only just remember right at the end to see how Fenners did with Joe’s challenge to find him a new jacket. There’s three to choose from - which will Joe pick?

Make sure to check out Fenners new podcast FC Bullard - available on all the usual pod platforms.

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To kick off the show, Joe tries to trick David by being on a Insta Live at the same time as recording the pod. That soon falls flat though as David knew anyway. In spite of their discomfort at being ‘live’, they plough on regardless and let’s just say, things don’t go smoothly. But then they get one of the viewers to join them who saves the days with some wonderful words of encouragement - thanks Emma! Then Joe tells David about his magical day at the ceremony to award Sue Johnston the Freedom Of The City Of Liverpool and also explains why he’s not going to Thorpe Park today to ride the rollercoasters. David then puts a call-out to the Patreons to see who’s been on The Tower Of Power waterslide in Tenerife. After a short wait there are plenty of Chatabiscuits joining them - so let the rollercoaster club commence!

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It’s time for another ‘no longer a surprise guest’ repeat show - and we’ve only gone and got Lee Mack joing us! As you’ll all know, Lee is one of the UK’s most well-loved comedians and the undisputed fastest mind in comedy. So unsurprisingly, this is one heck of a Chatabix episode and the guys had so much to talk about, we had to split it into two halves. Part 2 coming next week…

Recorded October 2023

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We’re back for the quarter finals of David and Joe’s coin-toss snooker tournament. Although if you remember from last time, they actually use a guitar plectrum rather than a coin - CROCODILE / PLAIN! The players are ready in their dressing rooms and the tension in the auditorium is mounting. Who of the eight young hopefuls will move one step closer to their dream?

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After a slightly awkward discussion about how easy it is to get sucked into buying Apple Mac products, David are Joe are thankfully joined by the wonderful Kiell Smith-Bynoe! As you’ll all know, Kiell is a hugely successful actor and comedian and one of the busiest people in showbiz, so they were thrilled he could join them for a chat. Their conversation covers everything from sleeping habits and late night partying to presenting the Great British Sowing Bee and dealing with tiny autocues. Then David remembers about the ‘guest question game’ they played with Roisin Conaty using his ideas board - so Kiell picks his first topic…

Make sure to catch Kiell’s group-improv show ‘Kool Story Bro’ at the Edinburgh Festival’s Plesance Theatre this August - or the Brighton Corn Exchange in October.

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David’s just booked his 120 mile walk across Dartmoor and Exmoor, so there’s plenty for him to discuss. But first he wants to know why Joe isn’t swimming anymore and things get a little tense. Then Joe has to help Petra with her car, so David outlines his walking route for us while he waits for Joe to return. The conversation then soon gets back on track and David comes up with a plan for Joe to do the same walk in reveres and meet him halfway. David reckons it’d be great to record it all for the pod, but Joe gonna need some convincing about that. Plus, they finish things off with a long overdue look at the charts and invent a spur of the moment quiz about them too.

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This week’s repeat show ‘no longer a surprise guest’ guest is the one and only Sue Johnston! Sue’s not only a national treasure and one of our very favourite actors, we’ve also had the privilege of working with her on a number of sit-coms too. So there was lots to catch up on, reminisce and chat about - once we got all the technical issues out the way first that is. We hope you enjoy listening as much as we did recording it.

First broadcast in March 2023

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Joe’s got a stinking cold and a very croaky throat - so what better way to cheer him up than with some more of the old-school pub jokes you’ve been sending in. And it’s a great selection this week, so you can sit back and enjoy too. Thanks to all everyone for sending them in - keep ‘em coming at [email protected]

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It’s been a while but TV Joe is back - and he’s got more great quizzes for us! But first things first, David and Joe want to know what he’s been up to over the past few months since leaving the Abba band. So TV Joe fills them in on all the travelling he’s been doing, the session bass playing work he’s done, gives some TV recommendations and also a bit of advice about best man’s speeches. Then it’s onto the main event - his June-based general knowledge quiz followed by a nail-biting game of name that tune. Quiztastic!

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Joe’s found out that his computer viewing settings are all wrong and David’s getting frustrated with him. But once they realise that’s a very boring subject for the pod, they move on to talking about Joe’s upcoming rollercoaster ride. Much more exciting! He’s booked a ticket for Thorpe Park’s new Hyperia ride, which is the UK’s tallest rollercoaster. So he's pretty nervous already and might be regretting that he’s decided to do it on is own? Nail-biting stuff!

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It’s another ‘meet your hero’ moment on this week’s Back Chatalogue guest episode - as Joe’s music idol Roachford joins him and David for a chat. They discuss in depth the origins of 'Cuddly Toy' which is Joe's favourite song, and he tells Roachford about playing it at his wedding. Plus loads more chat about writing hit songs, meeting Stevie Wonder, having Gary Barlow as a fan and touring his latest album. Joe is in heaven!

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A silly make-believe episode for you, just coz it’s Friday.

David and Joe have gone to the pub and are a little bit worse for wear. They see a Cryptic Crossword in the paper and decide to give it a go - but unsurprisingly, they’re pretty baffled by it all.

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Our favourite national treasure Natalie Cassidy is back on Chatabix. It’s been ages since David, Joe and Nat last spoke so they’ve lots to catch up on. But first things first, Nat’s in an executive car and the guys are desperate to know where she’s going. It’s all top secret though so they quickly change the subject, as they’re even more excited to find out about Nat’s new podcast - Life with Nat - which wend straight to number 1! So expect loads of chat about the charts along with all the other news that Nat has for us. Plus, David tries out an Instagram Live, live on the pod - this is raw podding!.

Nat's podcast LIFE WITH NAT https://podfollow.com/lifewithnat/view

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This is a follow on from last week’s Episode 417, which was all about David's canaling holiday along the Kennet and Avon. He finished the trip in Bath where he then spent a few days - and was about to tell us some exciting news about his thoughts on the city. Well, it turns out he’s fallen head over heels in love with the city and is now frantically scouring RightMove for a home to move him and his family too. But Joe suspects we might have another ‘Antigua’ on our hands.

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For this week’s ‘no longer a surprise guest’ repeat show, we’ve got a biggie for you - it’s drummer, keyboardist and founding member of The Cure, Lol Tolhurst! David was blown away to have one of his all time heroes on the show, if not a little intimidated. But he, Lol and Joe got on wonderfully and happily chatted about all things The Cure to their hearts content. Sit back and enjoy…

Recorded February 2023.

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An extra little treat to finish the week with - it's another episode of old-school pub jokes for you. David and Joe loved reading them all, so sit back and enjoy! Thanks to all the listeners and Patreons for sending them in - keep ‘em coming!

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Joe’s worried that his hair is getting too long and thinks he should get it cut? But David’s not so sure and reckons he’s starting to look like Jason Momoa- hunky! Swiftly moving on, they have a chat about Joe’s holiday in Corfu before David excitedly recounts his Kennet and Avon canal adventures whilst holidaying in Wiltshire. But unfortunately he’s a bit distracted as he’s supposed to be writing a best-man’s speech. So they halt proceedings to discuss all of that before David continues with his story in full.

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Joe’s in Edinburgh and taking a stroll along the canal, so David takes the opportunity to Zoom him for a chat. They reminisce about their times performing at the festival and how little interest they’d have in doing it now. Joe also recalls the year he shared a ‘party house’ with Tiff Stevenson and Jimmy McGhie, and was possibly a little bit grumpy about it all. So he texts them both to try and get them on the pod - which he then immediately regrets…

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Time for another Back Catalogue guest who’s no longer a surprise - it’s the brilliant Stuart Goldsmith! Stand-up comedian, actor and host of the long-running Comedian’s Comedian Podcast, on which he’s interviewed practically every comedian you could think of - except Joe and David that is. So he takes the opportunity to turn the tables and start asking some questions - enjoy!

Recorded February 2023

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Joe has arranged a last minute surprise guest for David - and it’s none other than our very own rising star Paul Gorton. He’s fresh from the BAFTA TV awards, where he and Joe met in person for the very first time (although neither of them can believe that they hadn’t done already). Joe and Paul tell David all about their glamorous evening and the stars they mingled with, including Stephen Merchant and Declan Donnelly - who it turns out is a Chatabiscuit. Crunch Crunch Dec!

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After some chatting about neighbours, the charts, tranquil countryside walks and noisy families, Joe and David decide to track down the best old-school jokes they can find. So they have a think and search around on the internet until the Chatabix Patreons come to the rescue with some right belters. So prepare yourselves for a shed load of top class gags and a proper giggle-fest!

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For this week’s ‘no longer a surprise guest’ repeat show, we return to 2nd November 2022, when David and Joe were joined by the inimitable Tim Vine. Tim is of course a comedy legend and the undisputed king of one-liners - so it’s no surprise he was one of the funniest guests we’ve had on the pod. Enjoy!

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David and Joe text their old friend and Chatabiscuit Jamie Demetriou to find out what it’s like working with big Hollywood stars. While they wait for his reply, they do a de-brief on Joe’s recent Instagram Live experience. And very quickly descend into a good half hour or so of self-loathing and embarrassment about showing off. It’s Chatabix business as usual - enjoy!

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After a quick chat about T-shirts, body confidence and weight loss frustrations, David and Joe come up with an idea for a geriatric version of the pod - Chatatxix +30. They want to find two willing (but not too showy) 80 year olds to be the hosts, so put a call-out to the Patrons for some help. Expectation warning: it’s yet another new pod idea that will probably never see the light of day. After all that, they then attempt to do an Instagram Live, live on the podcast - and even manage to get Rob Beckett to join them. Somewhat predictably, it’s bloody chaos!

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This week’s repeat show ‘no longer a surprise guest’ guest is the one and only Paul Foot! Paul is one of our very favourite comedians and an old pal too, so it was an absolute joy when he joined us for a chat on the 26th October 2022. Hold onto your hats - this one’s a bit of a wild ride…

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After the success of their recent heads or tails competition, David and Joe have struck upon what they hope will a great new game for the pod. It’s a fantasy snooker tournament where the winner of each frame is decided by the toss of a coin. They decide to use randomly selected names from our wonderful Chatabix Patreon subscribers - and give them all snooker player nicknames too. Let the contest begin!

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With a flat tyre and the school run to do, it’s a hectic morning for David. But once that’s all sorted, he finally joins Joe to record the pod and give Petra her leaving present. It’s a very heartfelt thank you for all her hard work producing the show over the past few years. But in true Chatabix fashion, the present might have to be returned - so they look back through their old messages to work out who’s to blame. Then have a very tense coin tossing contest!

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For the first of our ‘no longer a surprise guest’ repeats, we bring you the brilliant LBC presenter, journalist, author and podcaster - James O’Brien. We recorded this show way back in the early days of the pod on the 26th July 2022 - and absolutely loved it!

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David and Joe chat with Nigel Richardson, author of 'The Accidental Detectorist'. David latches on to Nigel and begs him to be his detectorist guru asking if he'll ever stop feeling like a wally when he's out and about with all the gear and if it can ever be sexy. Crucially, David wants to know what his chances are of ever finding anything worthwhile. Nigel shows off his hoard of finds which invigorates David to carry on with his new found hobby.

Buy Nigel's book here http://nigel-richardson.co.uk/

https://www.instagram.com/the_accidental_detectorist/

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Joe and David chat to a lovely police officer called James who is based in a police station in London's east end. The lads absolutely loved chatting to James but quickly realise they don’t really know what a police officer is or does. Luckily James puts them straight and they chat about dealing with members of the public, police stakeouts, bringing down drug gangs and getting interrupted when you’re trying to buy your lunch in Sainsburys. 

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A few months ago David spent a few days in a place he booked through a company called Canopy and Stars. He wanged on about it on the pod and they heard and got in touch to see if he wanted to pod from one of their locations. He was sent a few options of interesting places and in this episode he takes Joe to see the one he liked the best. David get's a bit anxious getting out of the car but settles down when he meets the lovely owner Yvette who takes him through woodland to the location. The place David has chosen is incredible and very unusual and has been on George Clarkes Amazing Spaces much to Joe's delight. Yvette tells them all about how she designed the space herself and her husband built it. David takes on the role of estate agent. After the tour Yvette invites David in for a cuppa and he finds himself in a strangers kitchen on a random morning. It’s fair to say he was out of his comfort zone.

See the place David showed Joe here:

https://www.canopyandstars.co.uk/britain/england/devon/honeyside-down/humble-bee

 https://www.canopyandstars.co.uk/a-life-more-wild-podcast/

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You Tube pranksters Josh Pieters & Archie Manners are on the pod and mayhem ensues. They are running late so while Joe and David wait for them to appear they start worrying that they are being pranked. After a few tech issues the lads appear like whirling dervishes telling Joe he looks older than he does on tv. They talk about some of their pranks including flying Katie Hopkins over to Prague to pick up the Campaign to Unify The Nation award. Joe is concerned that they are spending a lot of money on their pranks and wonders how much coin they are left with. Moving on they discuss employing an expensive lawyer so they don't get sued, trying to put Buckingham Palace on Air BNB and Archie admits he didn't turn up for the first record as he was hungover. They suggest doing a tour together called Young v Old and base the live show on memory and eyesight tests. Joe describes the whole experience of recording this ep as being on a rollercoaster without a seatbelt and David get's quite sweaty.

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Joe's off on another adventure, this time he's in Cornwall having returned to a special place that brings back fond memories. David has no idea where Joe is in the world despite it being mentioned on numerous pods before and the place that sparked Joe's interest in his latest hobby. After showing David the view and giving him a tour of the holiday home where he is staying Joe's meets up with a new buddy called Russ. The holiday rental is a stones throw from a stunning beach so Joe and his new pal set off down the hill and across sand dunes before submerging David underwater on zoom. Luckily the iphone sheath is waterproof and they can just about carry on podding !

This is where Joe stayed in Cornwall https://www.trevincesennencove.com/

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Gabby Logan is today's guest and David repeatedly describes her as Royalty. Joe and David both can’t stop saying “can I ask a question” much to Gabby's amusement and then promise that they will try and stop saying it as that's what she's there for. She gives them tips on how to change the subject during an interview. Gabby reminds Joe that she has worked with him before even though Joe thinks he met her in a lift at the Holiday Inn. Gabby goes on to tell them all about her favourite room in the Holiday Inn. Moving on to more meatier topics they ask Gabby what it's like being one of only a few woman working in Sports TV especially in the early days. They also want to know what it's like being the host on Match Of The Day. Gabby has a new podcast out called 'The Sports Agent' which Joe loves and can't stop telling her how brilliant it is.

Gabby’s new podcast The Sports Agents is out now

https://www.globalplayer.com/podcasts/42Kx2B/

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Following on from last weeks episode David is still podding from his car and continues to take Joe on a tour of houses where he used to do gardening. This time they take in the gardens of Ditchling (where it turns out the phone reception is even worse than in Twineham) David show Joe the triangle of grass he used to mow for an extra 25 quid and he re-enacts mowing it for Joe. Then they chat about the Brighton Marathon and photo booths for a bit.

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Joe is out and about again but this time he is off on an urban adventure ! David tries to guess where Joe is as he comes out of the train station. Apparently they have been speaking about visiting this place for a year and a half but David still doesn't twig. That is until Joe introduces him to a Chatabix regular and then the penny drops. Joe takes David behind the scenes and explains there is a special reason why he has decided to pod from the location today of all days. Joe introduces David to some people who are milling about via zoom and they settle in for a chat about the thing Joe has gone to see and how it all came about. Joe also delivers a long overdue Christmas present.

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Joe and David chat to the comic and actor Ted Robbins best known for his roles in Benidorm, Little Britain, The League of Gentleman and Phoenix Nights. Ted tells them about being related to Paul McCartney and what it was like growing up with him and seeing him at family gatherings. He tells them he once watched Paul record at Abbey Road and John Lennon gave him a chocolate rabbit. In between telling them a load of brilliant jokes, Ted tells David & Joe about when he collapsed on stage in front of tens of thousands of people at the Phoenix Nights live show and about the friend that helped save his life. What a lovely funny man 

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David's in an air-bnb but the wifi is terrible so he decamps to the car and decides to take Joe on a tour of some of the houses where he used to work as a gardener. The tour predominantly focusses on Twineham and ends up in a motorway service station where David would take his daily nap. He has very little in the way of information for each of the houses but nonetheless Joe finds it all very exciting. Podding doesn’t get much better than this 

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Joe decides to try and break his 1k time again and heads to Brighton seafront for a run. He tells David his personal best for doing 5k is 21.17 so David does the math to work out what Joe needs to do to break his 1k time and then tells Joe that the world record is 2min 11. Joe doesn't think this is relevant as Steve Ovett wasn't podding at the time. They discuss whether Joe can break the 4 minute barrier for 1k and shave 10 seconds off his original time. Joe get's out of the car and gives it a good go as David watches on, offering motivational tips and trying not to giggle. There's an awful lot of huffing, puffing and panting as Joe really goes for it before collapsing on the beach. They bump into Petra and have a little sit on the pebbles. Joe puts his feet in the sea but it's not as warm as it looks. They decide to rebrand these pods as Adventure Pods to try and get people out trying something new. David reveals whether Joe has actually beat his PB or not.

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David's in the spinny seat waiting for his surprise guest. He's feeling very anxious and looks to Joe for reassurance. He's been drinking black coffee which is not helping his jitters. When the guest appears David is overwhelmed to see one of his heroes. He's speechless and the only thing he can think of to say is 'Thankyou' and then they start talking about the weather. The guest tells them about a miracle sports gel he has been using which got him back on his feet after some serious injuries. David hasn't got a clue what is going on so continues to stare at the guest before eventually plucking up the courage to ask a series of questions about what is probably one of his most favourite things in the world !

For info about the sports gel www.ethicacbd.com

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David has had a big package delivered and hasn't got a clue what it is or who it's from. He opens it to find its a load of metal detecting accesories. Joe reveals that the gear has been sent by Peter at LP Metal Detecting to aid David with his detecting adventures. David excitedly unpacks his goodies one by one which include tactical gloves, a tactical bag & water bottle carrier and a Garrett Camouflage Padded Carry Bag to lug his detector around in. David is over the moon despite earlier proclaiming he has everything he needs in life. They wonder about buying some land for David to detect on so he doesn't have to go up the Gallop and Joe asks him how the relationship with the farmer is going.

Metal detecting accesories in todays ep gifted by https://www.lpmetaldetecting.com/

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