TPP 342: Dr. Devorah Heitner on Parenting Kids Who Are Growing Up in Public

Welcome to this week’s show, where I’m so excited to be talking, bringing back to the show my friend, colleague, and my most trusted mentor when it comes to all things kids and tech and screens, Dr. Devorah Heitner.

Today, we’re going to be talking about such a pressing consideration for anyone raising a kid these days — what it means for today’s generation of kids to grow up with very public lives and coming of age in a digital world where so many aspects of their lives are online and available for public consumption, not to mention that much of their important work of identity formation is being shaped by the media and technology they interact with.

Devorah gets into all of this in her brand new and essential book for any parent, Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World. For this conversation, I asked Devorah to talk us through what I see as some of the more pressing issues for parents like us, including how to balance a child’s right to privacy in their texts and online lives with valid concerns about online influences and engagement when that child is dealing with anxiety, depression or other mental health disorder, the impact of social media on kids who may already be struggling to fit in and find their people, and how many homework and grading apps used by schools may actually be undermining our kids development of executive function skills and creating additional stress for parents.

About my guest

Dr. Devorah Heitner is the author of Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World and Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and CNN Opinion. She has a Ph.D. in Media/Technology & Society from Northwestern University and has taught at DePaul and Northwestern. You can follow her on Substack at Devorah Heitner dot Substack dot com and on Instagram @devorahheitnerphd.

Things you'll learn

• How to navigate the transition from being highly involved in a children’s tech life to respecting their privacy
• Why violating our kids’ trust by reading their texts will drive them further apart from us
• What to track or monitor when your child is dealing with anxiety, depression, or other mental health disorders
• How engaging in social media may impact kids who are struggling to fit in and find their people
• Why social media can act as an intensifier for whatever kids are experiencing and how it causes a dip in self-esteem
• What sharenting is and how to navigate permissions, cleaning up past shares, and more
• Why apps like ClassDojo are particularly challenging for families with differently-wired students
• How grading apps often work against differently wired students

Resources mentioned

• Devorah Heitner’s website
• Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World by Dr. Devorah Heitner
• Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World by Dr. Devorah Heitner
• Deborah Heitner’s Substack: Mentoring Kids in a Connected World
• Phonewise Boot Camp
• The Big Tech Reset Masterclass with Devorah Heitner (Tilt Parenting-partnered event)
• Devorah’s TEDx Talk, The Challenges of Raising a Digital Native
• At Your Wit’s End with a Screen-Obsessed Kid? Read This (Devorah Heitner’s house visit on NPR Lifekit)
• Devorah on Twitter
• Devorah on Instagram
• Dr. Devorah Heitner on Online Safety, Internet “Rabbit Holes,” and Differently Wired Kids (Tilt Parenting Podcast)
• Dr. Devorah Heitner on the Pros & Cons of “Managing” Our Kids’ Screen Time (Tilt Parenting Podcast)

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