Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

“21% of teens said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents. Only 8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids.” ― Meg Meeker

After 13 years of marriage we had six children and were pretty confident in our parenting. But when our oldest daughter became a teenager, we felt like we needed to learn how to parent all over again!  This sweet 12 year old seemed to begin changing before our eyes and we had to pivot pretty quickly to learn what it was that she needed and what our new role was as parents.  The teen years do not need to be horrible.  In contrast, it should be the flowering of all the parenting you have done and an exciting time for you and your child!  The question for parents is how do I learn how to love my child during this turbulent time of change from being a child to being an adult.  In this episode, we give you some principles to remember and some practical things you can do to REALLY love your teenager.  

• If you want your teen to grow in virtue and maturity, you must give them freedom.   Parents of teens move from being a protector to being a coach.  

• For teens who are forming their identity in relation to the world, their interests are equal with who they are.  So if you learn more about their music, games, friends, and trends, they will receive the message that you like them, not just love them. 

• Teens need to be encouraged to take appropriate risks. Failure is a part of learning.  They won’t succeed at everything they do and that is OK.  This is the best time for them to learn these lessons.  

• Invite them into spiritual adulthood.  Give them the opportunity to make the faith their own.  

• Looking back on your teen years, do you love your “teen self”?  How can you grow in this? 

• List the names of your tweens and teens.  What do you love about them? Share with your spouse and add to the list together. 

• What are your concerns about your teens?  Does your spouse have the same concerns?  Why or why not? 

• In what areas are you giving too much freedom?  Where can you help your teen grow in independence?

• The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

IGen by Jean Twenge

Happiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed. ~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock

All of us come into our vocations with expectations.  We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions.  We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way.  The problem is, we can’t always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses.  In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow.  We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today.  This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.  

• Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.

• Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse.  They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness.

• Don’t lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage. 

• No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude.  There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.  

• What were my expectations coming into our marriage?  

• Which of these were fulfilled?  Which has led to disappointment? 

• What am I grateful for?  

Article on Expectations and Happiness

The body is not meaningless, but meaningful - Jason Evert

Join us for this insightful conversation with Jason Evert, speaker and author.  Jason has spoken all over the world and has created numerous resources for preteens and teens to dive deep into what it means to be free to love.  Often parents feel under-equipped to talk about sex and chastity, but it is within the home that these lessons need to be learned and it is where they are taught most effectively.  The first step is to communicate to your children how much you delight in them.  Then we can speak to their hearts the truth of who they are.  After that, we can teach them that by embracing the virtue of chastity we can truly be free to love others with a love like God’s.  Jason’s new series for preteens, Envision, can be found at Ascension Press.

• We can’t just tell our kids what NOT to do, but we must communicate that chastity gives them freedom.  Chastity gives them the freedom to love. 

• Knowing the theology of our bodies answers the question, “Who am I and how should I live?” 

• The world tells our kids that their bodies are meaningless, but in reality, they are meaningful.  What we do with our bodies matters.  

• Rules without relationships breed rebellion.  Most of our kids know we love them, but do they believe we like them?  That we like being with them?  That is the foundation that needs to be laid to form them. 

• How are we communicating to our kids now that what they do with their bodies matters?  

• What are some ways we can show our kids not just that we LOVE them but that we LIKE them too?  

• Do we understand the importance of Theology of the Body?  Is this something we need to look into more?  

• The Chastity Project - https://chastity.com

• Envision - TOB for Middle Schoolers

• Women Wonderfully Made Webinar

• Family Culture and the Temperaments: Messy Family Date Night with Art and Laraine Bennett 

"Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit" Proverbs 25:28

Summary: 

Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn’t get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self-control is an underappreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success.  Instead of embracing the maxim of today, “Just do it!” we should be echoing the slogan of the 80’s anti-drug campaign, "Just say no!”.  Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast, we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver’s seat of life.

Key Takeaways:

• Emotional outbursts are a sign of immaturity.  As they grow and as you teach them they will learn.  But if you don’t get this under control when they are young you will be sorry

• Self control is an unappreciated virtue.  Lack of self control is lauded in our culture “Just do it!” as opposed to “Just say no!”

• Important to train your child early!! Their brain can change more than any other time in their lives. Often we focus more on training in athletics or academics than virtue, but virtue is where they will find success in life.

• When they are emotional, teach your children how to activate the logical part of their brain.  As parents of young children, we help them regulate their emotions so they can learn how to do it themselves.  

• Give them space to make a choice.  The more they do it, the stronger and better they will be at it

Couple Discussion Questions: 

• How would we define self control?  Why is it important

• How do we respond to our children when they lose control?  What do we think about this?  

• What are some good strategies we can use for our children specifically?

Join us for a special episode of the Messy Family Podcast, recorded live at the 10th National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis! In this episode, Mike hosts a lively discussion on the joys and challenges of family life. Mike, who flew in from Ireland, shares his family traditions and reflections on building a lasting legacy. Plus, special guests Ennie and Cana Hickman talk about their journey of raising nine children, balancing ministry and marriage, and the importance of regular date nights. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the show, this episode offers heartfelt stories and practical advice for every family. Don't miss it!

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

00:53 - Mike Shares His Family Tradition 03:14 - Introducing Ennie and Cana Hickman 06:01 - Marriage and Family Life 11:30 - The Importance of Date Nights 17:25 - Integrating Ministry and Family 23:45 - Building Family Culture and Traditions 30:10 - Navigating Difficult Times 36:30 - Practical Tips for Busy Families 44:00 - Closing Thoughts and Prayer

Parent’s reaction to their children is more important than any consequence that they may give.  It is our reaction that teaches our children.

One of the trickiest things for a parent is when they catch their child in a lie.  Do you punish them for lying?  Do you punish the offense?  How do you teach the virtue of honesty when lying seems to come so naturally to them?  Join in our conversation with Jordan Langdon of Families of Character, a ministry that coaches parents to be their best for their families.  In this discussion, we hear Jordan’s thoughts on why kids lie, how to create realistic expectations, and why punishing kids for lying only makes things worse.  Hear about the “Honesty Incentive Rule” and how that works for young children and even more importantly as your children become teenagers.   Find more about Jordan and her work at www.familiesofcharacter.org 

Key Takeaways

• Training the will of your child is just as or even more important than training their intellect

• Most children will lie at some point.  It is a natural part of their development.  It is how you react to them that matters.

• There are different stages of lying.  The lie of a 3 yr old looks different than that of a 7 yr old. 

• The Honesty Incentive rule helps children take personal responsibility for their actions.

• When you find your child lying, allow yourself time to think about how to handle it.  There is no need to react - this is not an emergency!

• Take time to observe your children’s behavior so you can tell when something is going on beneath the surface. 

Couple Discussion Questions

• What is our reaction when our children lie to us now?  How do we handle it? 

• How do I feel when our kids lie to me?  

• Do we feel like we take enough time to observe our children’s behavior?  Would we know when something was going wrong?  

Play is the work of childhood. 

It seems like in today’s world, parents are judged by how many activities their kids are in and how committed the whole family is to those activities.  We see this as leading to complete burnout for parents, but more importantly, it robs children of the joy of unsupervised, spontaneous time to just play.  We explain in this podcast what play is and why it is so important for children to engage in. The beautiful thing about play is that parents should NOT be involved!  It is one thing that we can do for our kids that requires less of us, not more.  Parents need to learn that kids must take risks, make choices, and be independent from adults.  And this means less supervision, not more.  Listen in to this conversation where we try to strike a balance between keeping kids busy in a healthy way and giving them space to be bored and make good choices.  

• Play is essential for a child’s development. It is “freely chosen and directed by the participants and undertaken for its own sake, not to achieve something” - Dr. Peter Gray

• You need to be intentional about choosing your child’s activities based on their developmental needs. 

• Kids under 12 really don’t need structured activities - only do them if they work for your lifestyle and are not a cause of stress in the family

• Don’t allow external forces to impose false expectations on your involvement.  

• Encourage your child to persevere even if an activity is difficult or not what they expected, but have the common sense to know when enough is enough.

• Know the adults that are around your child recognizing that especially in the teen years these people can become mentors for them for good or for bad. 

• Share with your spouse your experience with structured activities (sports, theater, lessons, etc).  What would you like to repeat? What would you like to avoid?

• What activities are our children involved in?  Are they developmentally appropriate for them? 

• How can we encourage more play among our children?  Are there other families who would join us in this? 

Play Deprivation Is A Major Cause of the Teen Mental Health Crisis

By JON HAIDT AND PETER GRAY

https://www.afterbabel.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web

Growing in holiness doesn’t require extraordinary actions, it requires doing ordinary things with great love.  And there is nothing more “ordinary” in the life of a child than a parent.

Often when people talk about life with children, the focus is on just getting through their childhood with your sanity in one piece!  There is some truth to that because parenting can be the most challenging thing you may ever do, but we would like to offer a different perspective.  What if we did allow family life to change us? What if we allowed it to change us for the better? Jesus wants to teach us how to love Him by loving our spouse and our children.  They are the first neighbors that we are called to love and serve and this, as lay people, is our path to holiness.  Listen in to this honest conversation about the challenges of loving those closest to us as we would love Jesus Himself. 

• If you are a frantic family you will resent the sacrifices that naturally come with family life.  Fruitful families embrace these sacrifices. 

• Our world does not prize the ordinary so we can think that to be holy we need to do extraordinary things. 

•  The true measure of how much you love the Lord is the measure by which you love that person in your life who is most difficult

• Mark 9 - “Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me.  And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me”

• Matthew 25 - “Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.”

• Jesus doesn’t ask us to love an ideal.  He asks us to love actual people in our lives as we would love Him. 

• Think of a person in your life who shows God’s love to others.  What do they do?  How do they do it?  What can you imitate?  

• “Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me.  And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me”  Who am I being called to “receive” right now in my state in life?  What are my thoughts on this person being Jesus? 

• What is one small, practical way in which I can love my husband or wife better, starting today?  How can I receive their love more fully?

The greatest and most important collaboration you will ever have with another person is raising a child with your spouse.

Parents come to us with discipline issues all the time and our first question is usually, “What does your spouse think about this?”  You see, the most important person to learn from is the other parent of this child you are trying to raise!  It is when moms and dads work together that the greatest power is unleashed in parenting and that is when we can do the most good for our children.  Instead of focusing on your child and their behavior, focus first on yourself, then on how you and your spouse work together, and then you can come up with the best way to love your child and form them.  Listen in to this re-release of our 2019 podcast, Parenting as a Team.  

• The best thing you can do for your children is to not focus on them, but focus on your spouse first, and them second. Prioritize your relationship! 

• Strength is found in your differences!  Respect what each one of you brings to the table.  

• God never meant for you to be parents alone, or even just the two of you.  He wants to give you all the grace you need if you will just ask Him for it.  

• What do you admire about how your spouse parents your kids? Tell them this.  

• What is the biggest difference between you in how you parent?  How is this a strength? 

• Take time this week to sit down and talk about your kids and how they are doing.  Make a plan to help them as best you can. 

Tip Sheet

Worksheet from Discipline guide

Parenting isn’t about doing everything perfectly.  It's about showing up over and over again no matter what.  

Some may question how a celibate man could have wisdom for husbands and wives, let alone parents.  But in this interview with Fr. Mike Schmitz, host of the Bible in a Year podcast, we think everyone will agree that his insights are awesome! Drawing from his own family experience as well as his role as a spiritual father, Fr. Mike shares with us how to love children who have fallen away from the church, the importance of your marriage to your walk with God, and why you actually don’t need to have the perfect plan for your family. In this conversation we laughed and cried as we reflected on the beauty and difficulties of life in a family (with some special shoutouts to middle children!).  Listen in as we have an honest and inspiring talk with a priest whose ministry has blessed so many.  

• Our family of origin impacts us more than almost anything else in our lives.

• Parents put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect that sometimes they miss out on the joy of family life. 

• It's more important that we are intentional about family life than we have the “perfect plan” on how to be a family.

• It's not a bad thing for kids to see their parents have conflict as long as they are also able to experience the effects of their reconciliation. 

• We can’t make the world safe for our kids, but we do need to make our kids strong.

• The heart of the Father is the heart of the priesthood. 

• If someone falls away from the Church, we may be tempted to cut them out or approve of everything they do, but neither is correct.   Remain in their lives in a consistent and uncompromising way, recognizing that their story isn’t over. 

• Are there areas in our family life that we need to evaluate and possibly change?  Is there a course we are on that we need to correct?  

• Knowing that our kids will be growing up in a difficult world, how can we make them strong? 

• How can we respond better to those who have turned away from Christ or His Church?  How can we keep those lines of communication open?  

• Who are the “spiritual fathers” in our life?  How can we pray for them?

Bible in a Year Podcast

Ascension videos w Fr Mike

Introduction and Fundraising Campaign (0:00 - 4:04) Interview with Father Mike Schmitz Begins (4:04 - 5:09) Father Mike Schmitz's Background (5:09 - 7:02) Parenting and Family Life (7:02 - 13:23) Insights on Parenting and Perfection (13:23 - 18:13) Parental Sacrifice and Consistency (00:19:32 - 00:21:28) Parental Influence and Decision-Making (00:21:28 - 00:23:42) Navigating Marital Challenges (00:23:43 - 00:27:37) Spiritual Fatherhood (00:37:06 - 00:38:41) Parenting Journey and Impact (00:38:42 - 00:41:36) Understanding Parental Heartache (00:46:43:18 - 00:47:31:20) Dealing with Children Leaving Faith (00:47:31:22 - 00:48:57:00) Parental Support and Communication (00:50:29:03 - 00:52:37:11) Sexual Intimacy and Spirituality (00:56:53:17 - 00:58:32:06) Blessing and Spiritual Growth (01:02:14:04 - 01:03:32:18)

Our parents made us sisters, but God made us friends.  

One of the greatest blessings of Alicia’s life is that God gave her 9 brothers and sisters to laugh, play, fight, create, and pray with most of her life! This conversation is from a girls getaway weekend with the five Doman sisters.  Now, because all the Doman siblings are practicing Catholics  in good relationship with each other and their parents, people may put them in a category of “the perfect Catholic family”.  But that is far from true.  As you will hear, each one of these sisters has lived through tragedies and difficulties that were completely unexpected and not chosen by them at all. It is by God’s grace that each one of them has grown into the woman God is calling her to be and it is through that relationship with Christ, as well as the accident of birth, that we are able to have true sisterhood together.  Listen in as we talk about God’s faithfulness through the difficulties of life and how true sisterhood with those in your family and friends are essential to our survival.  

• Life is not always easy, but God is near

• We can learn from those who God gives us, even when they are different from us.  Don’t get frustrated by differences, embrace them!

• When we are joined together by common faith in Christ, we can develop true friendships

• What relationships can we invest more in to develop sisterhood and brotherhood? 

• Are we happy with our relationships with our siblings?  Why or why not? What can we change about this? 

• How does sharing values with others change us? 

• Always communicate that you are on their side as a mentor, teacher, and guide. 
• Expect mistakes
• Be willing to risk giving your child freedom - beware!  It's not easy! 

• How can we give our kids more freedom to make good choices? What are my fears about this? 

• Do my teens see me as a mentor?  Why or why not.  Plan some time to talk to them about this.  

• Where do we need better boundaries in our home?  What are the areas in which our children need more training? 

The most important challenge you can take 

What does it take to be a great parent and have a joyful family? We think it all boils down to three essential elements. We have turned these three elements into the Play and Pray Challenge!  More than ever, we need to celebrate the love of Jesus in the month of June, because it is HIS love and lordship that will truly fulfill all our deepest longings!  What is the challenge? In the month of June do these three things with your family -  Organize and execute an amazing FAMILY DAY, plan and go on a DATE NIGHT, and proclaim Jesus Christ as the KING OF THE HOME by placing the image of the Sacred Heart in their house and “enthroning” Him as King.  We want to make this a fun and rewarding experience for families, so we have created some resources to help you out. Go to our website messyfamilyproject.org/challenge to get our Play and Pray Challenge Kit.  There are even promo materials for you to put up at your parish or school!  

Get the free download and let us know your family is taking the challenge - https://messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Related podcast episode: 

MFP 091: King of the Home - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-091-king-of-the-home/

 MFP 257: How to Change Your Heart  - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-257-how-to-change-your-heart-lessons-from-the-sacred-heart-of-jesus/

Key takeaways:

1. One of the greatest assets we have in parenting is the ability to choose how we spend our time.  Protect your yes with 1,000 no’s

2. Your children need to be known and loved by you. Joy must be alive in your home.

3. Your marriage gives you the grace to be a parent. So invest deeply in your marriage!

4. Devotion to the Sacred heart is a game changer for families

5. If you want to pray with your kids you need to play with them.  

Couple Discussion

1. How do we waste time with our kids?  How do we lavish love on them?

2. What brings joy to the hearts of our children? How can we do more of that? 

3. What is my understanding of the love of Jesus flowing from His Sacred Heart?  How can I express this love to my children?

In this next part of our series on tech, we talk about the specific challenges that tech use brings to boys and girls.  Just as men and women have different gifts, they also deal with different temptations in their tech use.  Because of this, parents must be proactive in teaching boundaries to their children so they can use tech with freedom when they leave your house and enter the world of adulthood. During this conversation, we give you some principles that you will need to discuss with your spouse to make a tech policy of your own. Every family must have some boundaries, because if you don’t define them, then the reality is that Big Tech will be calling the shots in your house. Their goal is to control your kids and they have the means to do it.  

• Because of the genius of men to create and subdue the world they are more tempted to be addicted to video games.  Because of women’s gift of relationships they are more tempted to be absorbed in social media.  

• Parents must know the symptoms of addiction and immediately respond if they believe their child has an addiction.  Their child’s future success in life depends on it. 

• The best filter is a well-formed child who knows how to respond to toxic online content. 

• You must teach and model healthy tech use for your kids - nothing is private, have a healthy skepticism of any online content, and learn good manners.  

• Are we aware of the symptoms of tech addiction?  Are any of our children in danger of this addiction?  If so, what are we going to do about it? 

• Do we have a written tech policy?  Plan a time to discuss with your spouse and create one.  

• What is our plan for social media use for our children?  

• The Messy Family Guide to Technology - https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/

•  

The destructive effects of video games are not on boys' cognitive abilities or their reaction times, but on their motivation and their connectedness with the real world.

~Dr. Leonard Sax

Technology can be a blessing or a curse. It can be used for great good and yet it can expose people to grave evil. Helping our children learn how to responsibly navigate the use of technology, especially social media, is one of the immense parenting challenges of our age.  In this podcast, we look at the unique challenges that technology presents to parents and why parents must meet this challenge head-on!  We talk about how to discern your tech use as a family and why just locking down every device is simply not enough.  Like most areas of parenting, we need to first train ourselves and then take the time to train our children.  

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Don’t be naive. Stay on top of what your kids are watching and what they are engaging with.  It is our responsibility to prepare and guide them. 

• Discern your tech use as a person and as a family. Walk them through the seven keys to empower them to make good choices because tech is a powerful gift of God and should be used for good.

• Seven keys the church gives us to guide us in using technology

• Does it communicate a balanced worldview?

• How is the creator's attitude oriented towards the subject?

• Does it dignify the human person?

• Does it speak the Truth?

• Is it inspirational?

• Is it done with skill? 

• Is it motivated by experience?

• Train your children to use it as they grow. Like driving a car, prepare them to use it as they mature and are old enough to use it wisely and virtuously

COUPLE DISCUSSION

• In what ways have we been blessed by media and technolgy?  How has it helped us? 

• How can we discern our media use as a family?  

• If our goal is to form our children to become adults who can make good media choices, how and when can we give our children appropriate freedom?  What does that look like for our kids today? 

Resources: 

Infinite Bandwidth: Encountering Christ in the Media. By Dr. Eugene Gan

https://www.afterbabel.com/p/algorithms-hijacked-my-generation

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2799042

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/are-video-games-and-screens-another-addiction

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/03/teen-childhood-smartphone-use-mental-health-effects/677722/?gift=9xPqLPcwLfFbf_nnCRecvKJ-3gklcv6nZX-Hliug6W4&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-your-son-addicted-to-video-games

“We can only see our spouse clearly when we look at Jesus first.” - Dan Lawson

In this podcast, we tackle some hard issues in marriage.  What makes couples believe that they need to get divorced?  Why is it essential for couples to have a vision for their individual lives and for their marriage?  What is the pattern in successful marriages that we can emulate?  We even talk about what to say to a person who tells you they are getting a divorce - a very difficult and sensitive topic, but one that we have to discuss.  Dan Lawson is a Catholic therapist who takes a solution-focused approach with his clients, as opposed to “problem-focused” approach.  This means that instead of looking only at what is going wrong in a relationship, he asks questions and guides clients to look at what is going right.  This hopeful approach helps spouses to encounter their own goodness which is where you need to start to create a pattern of mutual admiration, one of the hallmarks of a successful marriage.  Listen into this essential conversation! 

• Divorce is a sin against hope.  It says “I can’t change.  They can’t change.”  

• The goal of life is not the perfect marriage, the goal is holiness. We need to start first by looking at Jesus and pursuing holiness in our own lives.  Then our marriage can improve. 

• It is essential that each of us look first at what we are doing right in our marriages and in our lives.  When we can see and affirm that, then we can do more of that and “starve” out the negativity.

• Every person needs to ask themselves the question, “Who do I want to be at the end of my life?”  We need to have a vision for our lives and live that way in our marriages.

• Establishing a pattern of admiration and trust is key to building a life-long, life-giving marriage. Most spouses struggle to communicate their needs and their feelings. 

• What is my vision for my life?  Who do I want to be at the end of my life? 

• How has my spouse loved me this year?  What are some of our greatest accomplishments together?

• “The goal of life is not the perfect marriage, the goal is holiness”  What are my thoughts on this?

It’s easier to be patient after we come to realize how patient our Heavenly Father is with us.

Why is it so hard for parents to be patient with their children?  People who thought they were good and normal adults find themselves tearing their hair out over the things done by a child half their size and a fraction of their age!  One thing we tell parents over and over is that parenting is supposed to change you.  It is supposed to form you.  It is supposed to be challenging, so if you are struggling, that is OK!  But we do have some tips for you and some stories that we hope will help change your perspective on growing in this essential virtue for moms and dads.  

Key Takeaways:

• If you are impatient with your children you are normal!  Lean in and allow yourself to be changed as you grow in virtue

• Children need adults to slow down and give them time to do things by themselves

• Parenting takes alot of time!  Lessons need to be taught over and over.  There is no magic bullet.  Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.

• We can learn to be patient by first realizing how patient God is with us.  We are disobedient, messy kids but our Father teaches us the same lessons over and over

Couple Discussion: 

• How would you rate your patience on a scale of 1-10?  How would you rate your spouse?  Discuss this.  

• What lessons in your life has God had to teach you over and over?  How has God been patient with you? 

• Which one of your children do you find it most difficult to be patient with and why?  Which of your children to you find it easiest to be patient with?  How can you learn from this?

“I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity.  Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may grow old together.” Tobit 8:7

Physical intimacy between spouses is a topic that is difficult to talk about, but one that is absolutely essential in Catholic circles.  You see, Satan’s plan is for people to have as much sex as possible BEFORE they are married and as little sex as possible AFTER they are married!  These lies and confusion need to be addressed in a way that is respectful but also practical for married couples.  In this podcast, we welcome Ellen Holloway of Vines in Full Bloom, a ministry dedicated to helping women and couples experience a joyful, satisfying sexual relationship within marriage. We discuss sexual pleasure, the different ways that men and women handle stress, the relationship between sex and prayer, the difference between “anticipatory” and “escalatory” foreplay,  and what to do when your libido is completely gone.  There is a wealth of valuable information for husbands and wives to hear and then discuss with each other.  Listen in and join the conversation! 

• Part of foreplay is being aware of your spouse throughout the day and letting them know you are thinking of them. 

• Being joyful in marriage means you have a willingness to build intimacy through unity with your spouse.  

• If you have no desire for sex at all at the moment, ask yourself, “What AM I willing to do?”

• No one should accept zero libido as a lifestyle. That is not normal. 

• There are many similarities between how we view prayer and how we view sexual relations with our spouse.  We should be continually learning in both. 

• Our Heavenly Father made sexual relations to be pleasurable because He loves us and wants us to be happy.  Sometimes we don’t accept how overly generous our Father is! 

• Take 5-10 min daily for a week to discuss sex with each other.  

• How often do we discuss our sex life?  What is holding us back from having this conversation? 

• Do I believe sex is a sacred gift from God? Why or why not?  

Charting Toward Intimacy podcast

www.vinesinfullbloom.com

Physical Intimacy download from MFP website. https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/physical-intimacy/

Parenting is not an inborn skill. It is something that we learn over time from trial and error and with help from others. 

Over the past 28 years raising our 10 kids we have made a lot of mistakes, but also learned from them!  In this podcast, we go over 12 tips that we have found make a big difference in the life of a family.  They are principles that we live by and how we have gotten where we are today.  None of them are rocket science - but they are things you may not have thought of before or realized how essential they are.  We have released this podcast before, but now we have a new perspective since our kids are older and now we have grandkids.  The great thing is, we have found that these tips still work!  As you listen, make sure that you choose 1 or 2 things that you want to implement in your lives starting this week.  Don’t try to do everything! Small changes over time have the biggest impact.  Listen in and join the conversation!  

• It is not your job to make your children into saints.  It is their job to make YOU into a saint!

• You are irreplaceable.  Your children will only ever have ONE mom and ONE dad.  No one can do for your child what you can do. 

• Your children cannot be the center of your family.  They are part of a community.  

• Love requires boundaries.  But at the same time, remember that rules without relationship breeds rebellion.  

• Children need to be taught everything.  They don’t know the words to say to be respectful, or the way to respond when you ask them to do something.  Do not be surprised when they don’t do what you want right away.  Your job is to teach them.  

• Do I find it easy or hard to embrace my authority as a parent?  Do I recognize my unique place in the life of my child?  How would I articulate my role? 

• How do I feel about my child making me into a saint?  What are ways I see them teaching me how to be less selfish? 

• Do we have a plan for discipline? Are we on the same page?  Where do we disagree?

Most of us rarely have an opportunity to sit down and talk to a priest, let alone a bishop!  We were so blessed to have a conversation with not just a bishop, but an archbishop and one who loves the Lord, loves families, and who leads with the heart of a shepherd.  Join us as we talk to Archbishop Naumann of Kansas City who shares his story of growing up without a father and how his mother and family gave him the stability and security he needed to flourish and become the man God called him to be.  He provides insights to families in our conversation along with a good dose of humor and practical encouragement.  

• Family stability and security are essential for children to flourish and fulfill their God-given potential, as Archbishop Naumann's own upbringing exemplifies.

• Archbishop Naumann emphasizes the importance of love, faith, and commitment within families as foundational elements for building strong communities and societies.

• Practical encouragement and humor are valuable tools in navigating the challenges and joys of family life, as shared by Archbishop Naumann during the conversation.

1. How can we emulate the stability and security that Archbishop Naumann experienced in his upbringing within our own family dynamic?

2. In what ways can we prioritize love, faith, and commitment within our family to strengthen our bonds and contribute positively to our community?

3. How can we incorporate humor and practical encouragement into our family life to navigate challenges and foster a spirit of joy and resilience?

4. Reflecting on Archbishop Naumann's insights, what changes or adjustments can we make to our family routines or habits to better reflect our values and priorities?

5. What lessons or inspirations can we take from Archbishop Naumann's story to enhance our own journey as spouses and parents?

In this episode, Mike and Alicia Hernon explore the transformative impact of conversations with children. They emphasize the importance of fostering a family culture centered around meaningful dialogue. From toddlers to teens, discover practical strategies for nurturing curiosity, understanding, and mutual respect within the parent-child relationship. Don't miss out on this engaging discussion that highlights the profound influence of conversations in shaping both children and parents alike. For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

• Conversations form your children, but more importantly, it forms YOU

• Kids will not always remember what you said, they will remember how they felt. 

• Conversations should be different depending on the age of the child

• Conversations should be part of your family culture.  How the conversations happen, when they happen, and what you talk about. 

• On a scale of 1-10 how good are we at talking with our kids?  How can we improve? 

• What is the most difficult part of talking with the kids? How can I get over this? 

• What assumptions do I make when I am talking to my children?  

• What are some topics my children would like to talk about?

“Thank you, every woman, for the simple fact of being a woman! Through the insight which is so much a part of your womanhood you enrich the world's understanding and help to make human relations more honest and authentic.” ~ John Paul II, Letter to Women

Women have particular gifts to bring to the world which were identified by John Paul II as the “genius of women”.  The Given Institute was created by religious superiors of the major orders in the United States and works with young women in all states of life to help them realize that they are gift, work to discover their unique giftedness and then make a plan to bring those gifts to the world.  In this podcast, we discuss these topics with Michelle Hilleart, their Executive Director who is  passionate about the need for women to know their own dignity and worth.  There are so many lies and confusing messages being given to young women today and these messages are preventing them from not just being who they were created to be, but also preventing them from knowing how they were created.  Listen in to hear about what REAL “girl power” is! 

• John Paul II identified the “genius of women” as receptivity, sensitivity, generosity, and maternity.

• Every woman is called to be a spiritual mother - whether she is a natural mother, single woman, or consecrated woman.  

• Every woman is called and gifted and those gifts begin to grow when a woman knows who she is as a daughter of God. 

• Once we know what those gifts are we should then create an “action plan” to bring those unique gifts to the world. 

• Do I recognize my dignity as a daughter of God? 

• What are the gifts that are uniquely mine? 

• How can I develop those gifts and bring them to the people around me? 

“It's our experience that parents who don’t allow their children to play with weapons have little boys who will chew their toast into the shape of a gun”

Hello, I wanted to ask a question in regard to violent play for a toddler. My 4 year old boy is obsessed with all types of toy swords, lasers, etc. Any suggestions on how to manage it in a way that lets him explore but also places limits on it?  

This question came from a listener who is a mom of a normal boy!  But often this type of behavior catches parents unaware.  Our culture gives so many confusing messages to boys in the world.  Sometimes the behavior of little boys can be surprising or even shocking to moms who aren’t used to rough and tumble play.  But the beauty of boys is that they are made for this!  And playing is how they learn to make sense of the world around them, handle conflicting emotions and learn to relate in a healthy way to other boys.  In this podcast, we tackle the issue head on with some funny stories and practical advice.  We also discuss some of the psychology behind the emotional life of boys and what parents need to do to keep their boys well-adjusted and loved.  In the end we have tips for you on how to teach your boy to use his body in a way that respects himself and others.  

• Violent play  in young boys is natural and when it comes from within their own mind (not from images introduced to them) it is not just harmless, but important to allow. 

• Boys work out their emotions physically. The verbal and emotional parts of their brain are not hard wired as girls’ are.  

• Getting your boys comfortable and confident in their bodies is essential for their emotional and mental health.

• Boy’s emotions are just as present and as deep as girls are. They are just expressed differently and need to be responded to differently. 

1. What do I find hardest about my boys

2. How can we respect the way they are made 

Resources: 

Documentary on the emotional life of boys

https://youtu.be/y9k0vKL5jJI?si=W8v5vmmWzNojXKAV

Join Mike and Alicia Hernon on this enlightening episode of the Messy Family Podcast as they sit down for an insightful interview with Bishop Joseph Coffey of the Archdiocese of the Military (United States). Together, they explore the intriguing question, "Where do Bishops Come From?" and delve into Bishop Coffey's personal journey of faith, discernment, and leadership within the Catholic Church.

With candor and wisdom, Bishop Coffey shares his unique perspective on the role of bishops in today's world and offers valuable insights into the formation and responsibilities of these spiritual leaders. From his early experiences in the military to his calling to the priesthood and eventual consecration as a bishop, Bishop Coffey's story is both inspiring and enlightening.

Throughout the conversation, Mike and Alicia engage Bishop Coffey in a wide-ranging discussion that touches on topics such as the challenges facing the Church, the importance of prayer and discernment in leadership, and the role of bishops in shepherding their flocks through turbulent times.

Whether you're a devout Catholic seeking a deeper understanding of the Church's hierarchy or simply curious about the journey of bishops, this episode offers a fascinating glimpse into the life and ministry of one of the Church's spiritual leaders.

Subscribe now and join Mike, Alicia, and Bishop Coffey as they navigate the complexities of faith, family, and leadership in today's world.

In this faith-filled episode of the Messy Family Podcast, Mike and Alicia discuss discuss the significance of authenticity, the power of family traditions, and the impact of a vibrant faith community. Whether you're a seasoned parent or just starting your family journey, this episode promises valuable insights and practical tools for nurturing a legacy of faith that will endure for generations to come.

Tune in to the Messy Family Project podcast today and discover how to build a legacy of faith that withstands the test of time. Don't miss out on this inspiring conversation that will empower you to embrace your role as a faith-filled parent and create a lasting impact on your family's spiritual journey.

Subscribe now and join the Messy Family Project community as we navigate the beautiful messiness of family life together! For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

In this episode of the podcast, we delve into the heart of family bonding and spiritual growth with an enlightening interview with the Marinist Family. Guided by the profound core beliefs of the Marianist Family Retreat Ministry, our guests share invaluable insights into strengthening familial ties, fostering communication, and embracing forgiveness and commitment within the family unit.

Key Takeaways:

• Discover the transformative power of affirming familial love and forgiveness.
• Embrace the teachings of Mary as a model for nurturing familial spirituality.
• Explore the concept of discipleship of equals and its impact on family ministry.
• Learn how community plays a vital role in nurturing familial bonds and spiritual growth.
• Uncover the structured and unstructured opportunities for growth within the Marinist Family Retreat Program.
• Embrace the practice of prayer and discernment in opening oneself to the gifts of the Holy Spirit within the family context.

Couple Discussion Questions:

1. How can we incorporate the teachings of Mary into our family dynamics?
2. Reflecting on the pillars of the Marinist Family Retreats, which aspect do we feel is most crucial for our family's growth?
3. How can we create a balance between structured and unstructured family time to nurture spiritual growth?
4. In what ways can we foster a sense of community within our family and extend it to the larger community?

Tune in to this enlightening episode as we uncover the tools for deepening familial bonds and fostering spiritual growth with the Marinist Family.

For a child to learn how to love, they need to first be loved. 

So many people find disciplining their children to be one of the biggest challenges of being a parent.  We look back to the way our parents raised us and often we realize that we want to do things differently, but we just don’t know how.  Without a new perspective, many times we just fall back on what we experienced as a child and we react from our own woundedness or our own view of what a father or mother should be.  In this episode, Mike and Alicia talk about how parents can model the perfect parent, God the Father Himself.  As we do this, we will find ourselves walking in our true  identity as a son or daughter of the Most High.  When we understand that, then we can form our children as God forms us.  

Listen in to this essential conversation and use our Key Takeaways and Discussion Questions to go deeper with your spouse on this topic.

• We need to parent the way God fathers us, free of emotion and manipulation

• Discipline starts with relationship because its all about forming their hearts.

• We need to teach children how to repair and restore relationships when they do the wrong thing.  

• In our childhoods have we experienced shame from our parents or those in authority?  How did that make me feel?

• Do we imitate those behaviors in our parenting? 

• How can we reflect God the Father more in our formation of our children? 

• Consider one of your children in need of formation.  What is the best way to reach their heart? 

Your family culture is the operating system in your home.  It communicates to your children more powerfully than any written word.

Family culture is something that we are passionate about in this ministry!  We believe that this is the secret weapon of the Catholic family and something that every mom and dad needs to be very intentional about.  The culture within the home is like the operating system in your family and it communicates more powerfully than any written word.  In this episode we give the foundations of family culture and explain why it's important.  Because there is so much to cover, we only get to talk about the spiritual life of the home and what that means for the children.  This is a re-release of a previous episode, but the information is timeless and the principles are the foundation of many of our courses and guides.  Re-release MFP096 Building a Family Culture

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

• Parents don’t create a culture, they steward it.  All the members of the family participate. 

• Family Culture is the unspoken system that binds your family together and communicates your expectations, beliefs, and values more powerfully than any written word.  

• Your culture must be stronger and more attractive than the secular culture and it must communicate more powerfully.

• A wise family learns how to manage the urgent and prioritize the important.

• The spiritual life of your home needs to be the foundation of your culture because it is our connection to God that gives meaning to our lives.

• There is a culture in our home right now.  What is this culture communicating to our children? 

• What are some values that we want our children to learn from our culture?  How can we do this better? 

• What are the Urgent things in our life that we need to manage better? 

• What are the Important things that we are putting off? 

• FBM course registration to grow a healthy culture in your home! https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting/ 

• Family Culture download:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/family-culture-guide/

In this episode, Mike and Alicia keep diving into the complex relationship of man and woman in marriage. It is vitally important that we keep in mind that we need to act according to our nature to have a successful, peaceful marriage! Part of this is realizing that there is a dance that happens between spouses - that is the giving and receiving. So what some fundamentalists may call “headship” we would say this is really men giving to their wives and families because this is what enables them to receive. What others may call “submission” we would say is really women receiving from their husbands in order to give. This is where the idea of “mutual submission” comes from. Both men and women are called to give and receive, but it is in a different order.

Listen in and send us your questions! We would love to tackle them in a future episode!

• The Fall broke the unity between husband and wife and made them distrust each other.  Adam was passive and Eve took the initiative.  This was disordered. 

• Jesus elevated marriage to a sacrament and called us all to something greater.  To a supernatural call that only He can give us the grace to accomplish.

• Both husband and wife are called to give and to receive, but the order is reversed.  Men are called to GIVE in order to RECIEVE.  Women must RECIEVE in order to GIVE.  This is the difference between leadership and submission. 

• Husbands need to learn to receive from their wives, and wives need to learn how to give from their husbands.  

• What does our “dance” look like in our home?  How to be operate when we make decisions? When we run the family? 

• How easy is it for him to give first in our home?  How can we both support that initiative?  

• Are there areas in which he is receiving without giving?  

• Are there areas in which she is giving without first receiving?  

• Fr. John Riccardo on Ephesians 5 and Marriage https://watch.actsxxix.org/marriage-through-the-lens-of-scripture/season:1/videos/3-ephesians-5

• MFP 181 The Role of a Submissive Wife https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-181-the-role-of-a-submissive-wife/ 

• Role of a Husband Blog https://messyfamilyproject.org/blog/the-role-of-a-husband/

• MFP 186: Role of a Catholic Husband https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-186-the-role-of-a-catholic-husband/

Join Mike and Alicia Hernon on another insightful episode of The Messy Family Podcast, where they fearlessly delve into the timeless and relevant topic of headship in marriage in reference to the key passages in Ephesians 5. 

In this episode, the Hernons share the behind-the-scenes of their podcast and video show on YouTube, inviting you to subscribe and become a valuable member of their growing community. They take you on a journey through recent family events, from unexpected hospital visits to the joyous arrival of their seventh grandchild, Declan John.

Amidst the chaos, the Hernons ask for your prayers for a family facing health challenges, emphasizing the power of community and support in navigating life's trials. They also share exciting updates about upcoming events, such as the Good News cruise with Father Mike Schmitz and the Catholic Couples Getaway with Chris and Natalie Stefanik. Stay tuned for announcements for Catholic Couples Getaway 2025!

As the episode unfolds, Mike and Alicia explore the concept of headship in marriage, addressing the age-old question: Do wives have to obey? Gain insights, reflections, and practical wisdom on this crucial aspect of family life. Whether you're a parent, spouse, or part of a messy family, this episode offers valuable perspectives on collaboration, obedience, and the beauty of shared roles in marriage.

Don't miss out on this engaging and thought-provoking discussion that aims to navigate the beautiful chaos of marriage, offering inspiration and support for every member of the messy family community.

🎙️ Dive into a captivating episode of the Messy Family Podcast with Mike and Alicia Hernon! In this edition, titled "Angels Watching Over Us with Fr. Wolfgang Seitz," we explore the fascinating realm of guardian angels and the divine assistance that surrounds our lives.

🌟 Join Mike and Alicia as they welcome Father Wolfgang Seitz from the Order of Canons Regular of the Holy Cross, an expert on the Holy Angels. Fr. Wolfgang shares insights into the deep devotion his order has for the angels and provides a unique perspective on the vital role they play in our lives.

👼Discover the untapped source of strength that our guardian angels offer, and learn about a yearlong consecration program that can deepen your connection with these celestial beings. Fr. Wolfgang's experiences and teachings shed light on how our guardian angels collaborate with us in both natural and supernatural aspects of life.

🏠 As you listen, gain a profound understanding of the Order of Canons Regular of the Holy Cross and their mission to spread devotion to the Holy Angels. Explore the rich history of the order and how it intersects with the powerful tradition of consecration.

🙏 Whether you're a believer seeking to enhance your spiritual journey or simply curious about the divine mysteries, this episode provides valuable insights. Tune in to the Messy Family Podcast and let the wisdom shared by Fr. Wolfgang Seitz inspire you to embrace the unseen yet eternal presence of angels in your life. Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation that may forever change the way you perceive the guardianship of these heavenly beings!

🔗 Subscribe to the Messy Family Podcast for more engaging discussions and practical insights on navigating the beautiful chaos of family life with Mike and Alicia Hernon. Your journey into the messy and miraculous tapestry of familyhood awaits!

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

In this episode, we look into the world of toys, discussing their impact on children's development and the importance of purposeful and intentional choices in selecting toys for our families. Our special guest, Regina Doman, shares valuable insights into cultivating imagination, creativity, and responsibility in children through thoughtful toy choices.

As we explore the role of toys in shaping a child's worldview, we reflect on the significance of simplicity, quality over quantity, and the benefits of open-ended toys like building blocks. We also touch upon the idea of rotating toys to keep a sense of novelty and excitement while minimizing clutter. Regina emphasizes the importance of recognizing the formative nature of the home environment and the valuable lessons children learn through play.

We address the common challenges parents face, such as dealing with violent play, and how to navigate these situations with wisdom and balance. To further enrich this discussion, Regina suggests checking out her article on Nova Natural, where she elaborates on her philosophy and approach to toys. We conclude with a prayer for parents, seeking God's guidance and blessings in raising children who embrace the beauty of simplicity, creativity, and responsibility. https://reginadoman.substack.com/p/throwback-friday-toys

Your support and prayers contribute to the mission of rebuilding families and making a positive impact on marriages and children. If you've been blessed by what we do, consider making a donation or spreading the word to help us continue our work. https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Thank you for joining us on this journey of exploration and reflection. May God bless your families abundantly, and until next time, may the Lord bless you and keep you.

“For it is good to be a child sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when the mighty Founder was a child Himself.” ~ Charles Dickens

Christmas is a magical time for children.  Whether you celebrate Santa, St. Nick, Elf on a Shelf or other traditions, this season is a wonderful time for children to develop wonder and awe.  How do parents do this in a way that encourages their children to keep their eyes on the eternal significance of this holy time?  There are so many things that we can do with our kids that it forces parents to be intentional.  We need to make sure we choose to do those activities that have the most impact on our kids in a way that communicates truth.  Listen in as we share our ideas, but also set realistic expectations during this intensely busy time for parents.

🎄 Resources Mentioned: Explore additional resources on Advent and Christmas traditions by checking out our Advent and Christmas Traditions Book, visit our website for more information.

🌈 Join Us in Creating a Joyful Family Culture! Discover how these traditions not only bring joy and wonder to your home but also form the identity of your children in profound ways. Let's build a community that stands out in love, service, and faith.

🔗 Connect with Us: https://instagram.com/messyfamilyproject?igshid=NGVhN2U2NjQ0Yg==

👍 Like, Share, and Subscribe! If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to give it a thumbs up, share it with your friends, and subscribe for more heartwarming discussions on faith, family, and traditions.

🌟For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Key Takeaways:

• Children celebrate Christmas differently depending on their age

• There is wonder and beauty in Christmas that we should encourage in our children

• Parents need to be discerning about the environments that we put our children in

Couple Discussion: 

• How can we create an environment that communicates truth to our children? 

• What are the traditions we want to establish in our home for our children? 

• What needs do our children have right now?

“The family is where children discover how to be human.” - Archbishop Charles Chaput

Over and over again people ask us how to help their kids get along with each other.  We usually respond that of course their kids don’t get along - because they are kids!  That is what you are doing as a parent.  You are the ones teaching them how to live at peace with other human beings in the world and they are practicing what you teach them in your home!  This is the training ground for their lives.  But that doesn’t mean that parents do nothing.  There are important lessons that parents need to teach their children at home so they can learn key social skills and have great relationships with their siblings not just while they are under your roof, but for the rest of their lives.  Listen to this re-release of our 2016 podcast on this subject.  

Key Takeaways:

• Be open to giving your children as many siblings as possible. 

• Don’t always intervene.  Let your children alone to work things out on their own. 

• Help them value differences between different personalities by learning to appreciate each other.

• Teach them how to forgive and repair relationships when they are broken.

Couple Discussion: 

• How can we structure our home routine to foster better relationships between our children? 

• Do we intervene too much in sibling conflicts?  Not enough? 

• Have we taught our children how to ask for forgiveness?  If not, how can we do this?  

Boundaries are not meant to keep people out, but to set a clear understanding of what is acceptable and what is not within our relationships  

• No one should have the right to “push our buttons”.  We need to be free in our relationships even when people are unhealthy.

• Boundaries are good things to keep our families peaceful.

• You can’t replace your family - for good or for bad, they belong to you and you belong to them. 

• One of the Ten Commandments is to honor your father and mother.  This is God’s idea, not ours and it needs to be taken very seriously

• How can we honor our father and mother appropriately?  

• How would we want our children to treat us someday? 

• What are good boundaries for our holiday visits with family? 

• Dennis Prager Video: https://www.prageru.com/video/your-parents-dont-deserve-this?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=campaign_8266139

• Great article from Catholic Psych - https://www.catholicpsych.com/blog/a-catholic-approach-to-dealing-with-difficult-relationships 

Forgiveness- Shalom series https://www.shalomworld.org/episode/forgiveness-in-the-family-susan-and-urby-potvin

“The idea that the family is a democracy and that children and parents have the same responsibility within the home completely ignores the developmental needs of the child ” - Mike and Alicia   

A child’s temper tantrums are frustrating to parents, but we should recognize that they are often a result of a child’s deficit in communication, understanding, and emotional control.  Children simply have immature responses to situations of conflict.  Knowing this may help, but parents also need strategies to get through these tricky, volatile, and potentially embarrassing situations.  In this podcast, we get practical and give parents the Four D’s of temper tantrums.  Determine, diffuse, distract, and - when all else fails - Done.  In a world that says parents and children are equal, parents have no rights, and honor is a thing of the past, we would like to push back and challenge parents to instead embrace the sacred calling to form their children with love and wisdom.  Listen in and start a conversation with us and your spouse.  

• Determine

• Diffuse

• Distract

• Done

• When do our children have meltdowns? Why? 

• What are some strategies to proactively avoid tantrums? 

• How can we be more effective in responding to our children's tantrums?

“You are called to have great hearts here, counter-cultural and brave.  You can build something better, freer, more generous, and nobler, beginning in your own home.” - Bishop Thomas Olmstead, Complete My Joy 59

Man and woman coming together to build a home is a natural experience that has happened over and over again since the creation of the world, but we need to keep learning about what marriage is for and how to nourish this essential communion.  In this interview with Mike and Sharon Phelan we discuss how marriage can be transformational in the lives of men and women and a path to the true flourishing of the individual.  The problems are coming from a culture that is lying to us and pointing us in all different directions.  We discuss the concept of “submission” and “headship” as well as NFP - the good, the bad and the ugly.  Join in this conversation and find wisdom from this Catholic couple.  

• Marriage is like ballroom dancing - without a leader, there is no dance.

• Men need a mission!  And that mission should be to enable their wives to be a mother who is strong, beautiful and free. 

• NFP unpacks the mystery of a woman’s body to her husband (and sometimes to herself!)

• Following the Church’s teaching on marital sexuality changes us! Even if we don’t fully understand or agree, acting in a virtuous way promotes virtue.   

• How is does our marriage “dance” look right now?  How can we do this better? 

• Are we in “awe” of our ability to bring children into the world?  How does this effect our marital relations? 

• How can we learn more about the Church’s teaching on marriage and family? 

• Complete My Joy - apostolic exhortation written by Bishop Thomas Olmstead

• The Mission of the Family video series https://www.kofc.org/un/en/campaigns/into-the-breach.html

“An important element in forming Christian maturity in teens is creating a ‘Yes’ culture in the home, where a child can take risks, try new things, and find out more about who they are all while under your guidance.” - Mike and Alicia

With the advent of the sexual revolution in the 60s and 70s and the subsequent increase in teen sexual activity, the response of the Christian community in the 80s and 90s was to make dating among conservative Christian teens verboten.  Among many good Catholic families, there is still a wide range of opinions on when kids should start dating, even among other families that we really respect.  We have allowed our older teens to date and in this podcast we explain why.  Like most of what we do, we have not guided our kids perfectly every time, but we have done it intentionally and we have learned some things over the years that we can share with you.  Listen in to this podcast on mentoring kids during this essential time of development.  

• Not all dating is the same - there are different levels.

• We need to prepare our children for healthy relationships and this includes giving them dating guidance.  How you do that is up to you, but it needs to be done. 

• Create a YES culture in your home.  Freedom and responsibility go together

• Casual dating is for teens, serious dating is when you are ready for marriage - in college and beyond.  Don’t confuse them. 

• Have we created a yes culture in our home? 

• What was our dating experience like? What would we like our children to imitate from our experience?  Avoid? 

• What are our “rules for dating” for our children?

• Preview for The Dating Project movie here 

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” - CS Lewis

Life can be hard.  Sometimes, in response to difficulties, instead of turning to the Lord in our pain, we self-medicate which can lead to addictions of one kind or another which only leads to more pain in the long run.  In this podcast, we hear the story of Ched and Nanette Salasek, Catholic parents of six children who have a story that every couple needs to hear.  Even if you haven’t struggled with addiction, you can learn from the lessons that they share about the healing grace of the sacrament of marriage, the role of the Blessed Mother in their family, and surrendering everything to the Lord.  Listen in to this inspiring and hopeful conversation.  

• The only path to freedom is through individual surrender.  No one can do it for us.  

• The role of a spouse in helping an addict is one of support and prayer and constant surrender. 

• God doesn’t want just our external actions - He wants our hearts! 

• Are there areas of our life that we have not surrendered to God?  

• Do we have addictions in our life that are ruling us?  Are there areas that are out of control? 

• How has God used our failings to draw us closer to Himself? 

• Dare to Surrender Book - https://amzn.to/3QqlAOA

“With careful planning, honest communication, and the right help and care around you, your different tomorrow can be meaningful and extraordinary.”― John Delony

Let’s be honest, family life is full of stress! Sometimes there are big stresses like the loss of a job, a new colicky baby in the house, overwhelming responsibilities, or marriage issues. But even the little stresses can add up! Moody teens, worries over a child’s academic performance, or even a messy house can lead parents to feel like “I just can’t take it.” What is a parent to do?  In this episode we take an honest look at anxiety in parenting and help parents to put it all in perspective.  The bottom line is, the longer we do this family thing, the more we realize that the problems never go away, but we simply see them differently now than we did before.  Listen in as we share our perspective to give every parent encouragement and hope for your future as we learn to put it all in God’s hands.

• Take back your life

• Don’t get trapped in the weeds - lift your head up! 

• Do the little things well - Atomic Habits

• Every Yes needs to be protected by 1,000 No’s.  Prioritize your life

• When have I recently felt stressed? Has it become overwhelming?

• Where do I need perspective and help from my spouse?

• What are essential elements for our simple life plan to bring order?

• FBM download - Messyfamilyproject.org/guides

• Survey - https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

• John Deloney book - https://amzn.to/48T8LUb

“The point is that neuroses don’t have to ruin a marriage. If you can accommodate each other’s “crazy” side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive.” ― John M. Gottman

Many people are good at functioning in their marriage, getting along, caring for kids, paying the bills… but are they really thriving?  How can we get more out of the most important relationship we have - the one we have with our spouse? In this podcast, we look at the book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, and explain how to use these ideas to make your marriage grow.  Though the expression of these ideas are new to us, the truth contained in them is not. We have found that we have done many of these things in our marriage over the years!  Listen in for some great relationship advice for anyone who wants to move from a marriage that is surviving to thriving.  

• Review 7 principles

• How can we Honor each other 

• Start a Gratitude challenge 

• When is our Daily connection and weekly date night

• Do the Family Board Meeting

"Behold the Heart which has so loved men that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting and consuming Itself, in order to testify Its love” - Jesus to St. Margaret Mary

How can we love like Jesus?  What is His love like?  Answering these questions is the role of devotions in the Catholic world.  They help us learn more about God and how He relates to us.  The Sacred Heart of Jesus teaches us to love as God loves and this is a lesson that all families need to embrace fully.  In this podcast, we interview Emily Jaminet of the Sacred Heart Enthronement network and author of the new book Holy Habits of the Sacred Heart.  Our conversation explains how both of our families have been impacted by this devotion and how it has given us a way to proclaim Christ as King, and also to have a place to go as a safe refuge in times of trial.  As we pray to the Heart of Jesus, He can change our hearts to make us more like Himself!  When we learn about how He loves, we can imitate that love which is a path of holiness itself.  Learn more about this devotion, what the Nine First Fridays are, how Jesus blesses families with the 12 Promises of the Sacred Heart and why the Enthronement is a means of evangelization and transformation.  

• This devotion gives “spiritual stability”, focus, and a way to understand the love of Jesus in a concrete, defined way.  It prevents us from making Jesus into our own image, but instead reveals to us how He truly loves.

• Jesus wants a relationship of love with each one of us and He wants to transform our hearts to be like His.  A great way to reconcile with children or those with whom we have conflict is to say, “I am allowing Jesus to change my heart”.

• Forgiveness means that we are coming up against “cancel culture” which says that once someone does something wrong they are cut out of one’s life.  By following the Heart of Jesus we learn practice forgiveness in our home and communities.

• The devotion of Nine First Fridays and the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart in the home give families concrete ways to understand and come closer to the Heart of Jesus.

• How can we increase our devotion to the Sacred Heart? 

• Emily mentioned that giving up control and trusting in Jesus is a first step to being docile to Jesus.  What does that mean to us? 

• How can we practice forgiveness in our home?  Is there anyone in our lives that we need to forgive? 

• https://welcomehisheart.com/

• https://www.emilyjaminet.com

We need to take a sacramental view of ordinary life - Mike and Alicia Hernon

We often say that family culture is the secret weapon of Catholic families.  Why is this?  Because the culture within your home is more powerful than any written word.  It communicates expectations, beliefs, and values to everyone in the family.  In this podcast, we tackle some questions that listeners have sent into us about the culture within their homes. We answer questions like “what do I do about kids always fighting?”, “how do I take care of individual kids in a big family?”, “how do we handle birthdays?”, and “Help! I feel like I’m drowning!” (which isn’t exactly a question, but it is a common email we get!).  In all of these situations, the issue comes back again and again to the culture you are fostering within your home.  When you see all that you do in light of that, all the other issues will fall into place.  Listen in and learn about this powerful tool that every parent should develop.  

Getaway: https://catholiccouplesgetaway.com/ Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

Christ is present in a special way when a couple prays together.  They not only renew their yes to God, but also achieve a deeper union with each other, which springs solely from the union of hearts and couples in the sacrament of marriage. - Fr. Henri Caffarel

How can couples move their marriage from surviving to thriving, or from good to great? By making couple prayer a normal part of our marriage. Christian marriage is a supernatural endeavor, so that means that it is really not possible to have a successful marriage without Jesus!  Prayer between spouses isn’t just something you do, it is a gift from the two of you to Christ Himself.  It is acknowledging that Christ is the “glue” that keeps you together.   In this podcast we talk about how to incorporate prayer into your marriage, why it is so important, and how prayer can help you forge a deeper unity than you have ever had before.  Much of this conversation is discussing the writings of Fr. Henri Caffarel, founder of Teams of Our Lady. 

Getaway: https://catholiccouplesgetaway.com/ Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

The indissolubility of marriage…should not be viewed as a ‘yoke’ imposed on humanity, but as a ‘gift’ granted to those who are joined in marriage…  God’s indulgent love always accompanies our human journey; through grace, it heals and transforms hardened hearts, leading them back to the beginning through the way of the cross. - Pope Francis

The marriage sacrament is meant to heal and transform us into who God wants us to be!  But sometimes that journey is not what we would expect.  In this interview, David and Margaret Bereit share their story of marriage and David’s conversion - the two are completely intertwined!  Listen in as we talk about how they walked together in freedom though they were in different places, how they loved each other and their children in the midst of their different faiths, and how David came to join the Church and what that meant for them both.  There is some great advice in this interview for those in mixed marriages and for anyone who wants to know how to deeply love friends and family who are in a different place than yourself.  

https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/

www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:30

Back by popular demand, this is another interview that we did with Michele Doman, Alicia’s mom and mother of 10 grown children, grandmother to over 55, and great grandmother to more than 7!  In the last interview, we talked about Michele’s life as a young wife and mother.  In this conversation, we talk more about being a parent of a large family and how she was able to do that successfully over the last 50+ years of marriage.  Listen in and get some wisdom on discipline, relationships with teens, and managing a large household.   You will hear that the struggles are real, but so are the joys and blessings of marriage and family life. 

https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/ www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com  

Watch here: https://youtu.be/Zd_I6cwvcRM 

Of course your children don’t get along. They don’t know how to get along! That’s kind of what you are doing as parents, teaching them what they don’t know - Mike and Alicia

All of us struggle to live in a community.  That is the human condition - we need other people but we also find it hard to live with them!  This is true for children, but also for adults. In this episode, we answer some questions that our listeners had about what to do when your kids fight with your friends' kids, how to handle dividing up household responsibilities with your spouse, and what to do with adult children who are living at home.  It's hard for kids to learn, but  it’s also hard for parents to know how to teach in a way that can be received. Listen into this conversation and take some time to discuss these important topics with your spouse. 

https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/

www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com  

“Healing is an essential dimension of Christinaity.  It expresses the entire content of our redemption.” ~ Pope Benedict XVI, Jesus of Nazareth

Some of us think of healing as being “for other people”, those with trauma, abuse, or mental illness.  But that is not the way that Dr. Bob Schuchts sees healing. As you will hear, he believes that healing is part of the story of every Christian because we all have been damaged by our own fallen nature and we all live in a broken world!   There is an anointing in our Church right now for healing ministries like this and we believe healing is essential for every parent so they can be who God is calling them to be in the lives of their children.  We have been personally blessed by Dr. Bob’s teaching and ministry through the John Paul II Healing Institute and we are very excited to share this interview with him. Listen in to this conversation about why we need healing, how to be healed, and the role that Christ wants to play in each of our journeys.  

https://www.restoretheglorypodcast.com/

https://jpiihealingcenter.org/

"Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

God did not create man in isolation, He created man to live in community with others.  This is the best path for the full development of the human person!  Men need other men to push them, support them, love them, and let them know they have what it takes.  In this touching interview, Mike talks to John Doman, Alicia's dad, about his experience as a young Marine in Viet Nam and the events that set the course of his life.  They cover John’s marriage to Michele, his wife of 50 yrs, his struggle with PTSD after the war, and how the brothers God gave him throughout his life saved him again and again - physically and spiritually. Listen to this very important conversation about the importance of relationships and how God can use them to show us His love over and over again.  

Family Board Meeting - LIVE! : messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/

Watch here: https://youtu.be/FIT6s7szDlU

"This is a book about love; more exactly, it is about the love that knows no end, the love our hearts yearn for. The love that consumes, that reverberates, that heightens—it is a love that costs everything—yet offers everything. - Theresa and Peter Martin, The Rule

When the young priest Fr. Karol Wojtyla was living in Poland, he wrote a “rule” for married couples, similar to the protocols that religious orders follow for their way of life. His suggestions were born out of his deep friendships with young married couples who he observed and who helped him see what married couples need to do to find true life within the married vocation. We heard about this book and were immediately intrigued, so we invited Theresa and Peter Martin to share with us more about their book, how it came to be, and about The Rule itself.  In this podcast, we talk about the challenges of married life and how the Church can help us live a life of grace, the role of children in this quest of holiness, and what a life of prayer looks like in the home.  Most importantly, we talk about community and how essential it is for families to support each other in their common life. Listen in and see how you can join in this movement of married couples living the Rule outlined by St. John Paul II.   

https://www.wojtylaci.com/

Watch here: https://youtu.be/QT9SqsDCxR8

“When an army retreats on the battlefield, it doesn’t mean that they are giving up. It can mean that they are taking time to reassess and regroup so they can come back stronger. This is the essence of a Family Retreat.” ~ Mike Hernon

The concept of a family retreat is something that we have developed over the years for our own family.  It grew out of our desire to regroup and reconnect with our kids outside of the daily chaos in our home.  To do this, we have taken our children to vacation homes, retreat houses, and occasionally to a hotel, to take some time for family fun, team building activities, teaching and prayer.  We don’t use a set program, but we do have the same principles that we use over and over.  In this podcast, we share these principles with you so you can develop your own retreat for your family.  If you would like more than what is just offered on this podcast - check out our Family Retreat Guide found on our website!  Even if you don’t do a retreat this year, listen in so you can talk about it with your spouse and develop a strategic “retreat” for your family.  

Family Retreat Guide: messyfamilyproject.org/guides/

Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/A5pQ-qaJ9vY

We love hanging out with Chris and Natalie but in this interview, we found out something else we have in common. Both of us had honeymoons that were epic fails! Is the last time you got away, your honeymoon? Hear from all four of us as we talk about the first time that we got away as a married couple without our children and why we think it’s so important. Parents have a lot resting on their shoulders. Work, the busyness of family life and the strains of our world need to be relieved by taking time to get away from ordinary life to be reminded of who we are and our first priorities. Getting away has a price but the return is unbelievable! Listen in as we chat with Chris and Natalie Stefanick about the first time that they got away, some crazy failures on our honeymoon and how you can make the most of the time when you go away. 

More infomation at catholiccouplesgetaway.com

“Christian marriage is the school of love, where despite the limits of our own love, we can discover Christ’s presence and power to teach us to love one another with the Love that never fails” - Peter and Debbie Herbeck

When we offer date nights, we try to pick topics that are fun for couples but also useful and thought-provoking. That's why we are so excited to share with you this interview we did on our June Date Night with Peter and Debbie Herbeck.  They have been in ministry together most of their adult lives and are the authors of a book that expresses much of what we believe and teach on marriage: Lessons from the School of Love: Cultivating a Christ-centered Marriage.

Listen in to this conversation and hear from this wise and authentic couple.  When Peter and Debbie married, they had the challenge of coming from two different faith backgrounds, two different family dynamics, plus the challenge of two very different personalities! You will hear how they tackled forgiveness, learned to be vulnerable, how they handled the differing roles of father and mother, and most of all, how they helped their children encounter Christ.  You will love listening in to this conversation!  

Lessons from the School of Love: Cultivating a Christ-centered Marriage: https://stpaulcenter.com/product/lessons-from-the-school-of-love-cultivating-a-christ-centered-marriage/

Join us for future Date Nights by getting on our mailing list here: messyfamilyproject.org

“Teaching is an essential part of our faith that reminds us that following Jesus Christ transforms every part of our lives, from our attitude toward money, to the choices we make at the doctor’s office, to the way we build our families.” ~ Nancy Bandzuch

Parents are charged by God to be good stewards of their children and caring for children includes forming them in the faith and teaching them!  This is especially important in our culture where there is widespread confusion about some of the most essential issues, in addition to issues where Catholics can disagree.  Nancy Bandzuch has taken on this challenge to help parents discuss these issues with their children clearly in the book Catholic Social Teaching for Youth available through her ministry Catholic Sprouts.  In this interview, we talk about why this task of the formation of children is so important, how to use this book for a variety of ages, and what is covered.  Listen in to be empowered to embrace the task of forming your children in the truth. 

www.CatholicSprouts.com 

www.CatholicCouplesGetaway.com 

Watch here: https://youtu.be/zse3JrTzNuU 

“Words of affirmation are simply true statements affirming the worth of another person” ~Gary Chapman

Parents need to take time to consider how they are intentionally calling out the good in the lives of their children because it is within the family that people have their identity - who they are - confirmed and then affirmed over the years. This is just as essential to children as food, clothing, or education! One of the ways we have instilled affirmation in our family culture is the practice of “honoring”. We usually do honorings on someone’s birthday or times of transition like graduations. Listen to this podcast to find out how to start this practice in your home, why it is important, and the effect it can have on your family. 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Watch here: https://youtu.be/tHK1vP_SOXE

“Mothers are the strongest antidote to the spread of self-centred individualism… It is they who testify to the beauty of life”. - Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia

The life of a mother is hidden and powerful at the same time, but the message of our culture is that you only matter if you have a strong resume, evidence of your worth, and an education to back it up. This is simply not the way God sees the vocation of motherhood! In this interview with Christine Hanus, author of the book Everyday Heroism we discuss the reality that the “hand that rocks the cradle rules the world” even when we don’t feel like it. This conversation is full of tears, laughter, and real stories about real moms who deal with the ups and downs of raising children. We hope that this podcast inspires all moms to be the best person they can be for their kids, but also for themselves. Embracing motherhood means embracing personal growth and holiness on a whole new level. 

Buy Christine’s book here: https://amzn.to/3J5kcwN

Getaway - Early bird ends 6/30 - catholiccouplesgetaway.com

New and Improved Website - Check it out! - messyfamilyproject.org

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. ” – Mark Twain

All families need to play together.  Why?  Because this is how you lay the foundation for your child’s belief in God, his self-esteem, and this is how you communicate to him, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you love him.  In this podcast, we dive deeply into the importance of doing an intentional Family Fun Day and give some practical tips on how to do it so everyone wins.  This month’s Play and Pray Challenge is a great excuse to think about how you can grow closer as a family through play and fun!  

Play and Pray challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge

Getaway - Early bird ends 6/30 - catholiccouplesgetaway.com

MFP 091: King of the Home - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-91-king-of-the-home/

MFP 205: Nine First Fridays to Change the World - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-205-nine-first-fridays-to-change-the-world/

“Do a date night! It’s cheaper than marriage counseling.”

This is an oldie but goodie podcast for you. We released this one way back in 2015 when we were just starting out but the content in it is something that even we need to be reminded of! When we have gotten into “slumps” in our marriage when we don’t feel like we are connecting, working together, or in sync with each other, that is when we need to take a look at our date nights. Are we spending intentional time together? Are we having fun together? Are we making room in our lives for our spouse? Listen in to this podcast where you will get some inspiration to not just get out of the house, but to also make your time together effective and impactful for your relationship.

Play and Pray challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge

Website - www.messyfamilyproject.org

Date Night Herbecks - 6/15 - www.messyfamilyproject.org/programs/date-nights/

Getaway - Early bird 6/30 - catholiccouplesgetaway.com

Watch episode here: https://youtu.be/r6NACXjUaVs

“If all fathers fulfilled their duty of watching over the discipline of their children, we should have but few crimes and few executions.” ~ St. Alphonsus Ligori

If you haven’t listened to MFP239 on the foundations of discipline, you should do that first.  This podcast will give the practical steps for those principles.  Once a parent has clear in their mind why they are discipling and they have made a plan on following through, they need to actually work that plan!  In this podcast we give the practical things to keep in mind as you work to discipline, or form the hearts and minds of your children.  There are six questions you should ask yourself when evaluating your child’s actions.  Not all behavior is a child acting out or defying you.  How do you know the difference and how should you respond?  Listen in! 

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/    

Watch here - https://youtu.be/vl0t6KbGJok  

One thing that we at the Messy Family Project are passionate about is family culture. We call it “the secret weapon of the Catholic family” because it can be so powerful! In this interview, we talk to Elissa Tiprigan of Catholic Family Crate, a business that is in the business of Catholic culture. We talk about how and why she started her business, the importance of beauty in the home, and the elements of what it takes to bring a family together. This episode is full of great ideas of how to engage your children from toddlers to teenagers and bring them into closer relationship with you and with the Lord who is the source of life. As a special gift, we are also including this download on Building a Catholic Culture at Home that you can use to look at your family culture and get some ideas to strengthen it. In addition, Elissa gave all our listeners get 20% off sitewide by using the code MESSYFAMILY!

And here is their website: Catholic Family Crate

And a link to all their free resources: Free Downloads

Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/RZdxVvyDGmw

To become a better parent, I need to become a better person ~ Mike and Alicia

One of the subjects we are most often asked about is discipline.  We know how hard it is to form the will, heart and mind of a child!  Though every child is different and every parent is different, there are some principles that we can give you to help you make a discipline plan that works for you and your spouse.  In this episode, we start with the foundational points..  First, we need to get our hearts right and recognize why we are taking the time to discipline in the first place.  Then, parents need to speak with confidence, set clear boundaries, and do so keeping in mind that your role in affirming your child is essential.  Listen in as we start this essential conversation.  

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/    

Watch here - https://youtu.be/vmEzF1MCvPE 

“When we're able to put most of our energy into developing our natural talents, extraordinary room for growth exists. So, a revision to the "You-can-be-anything-you-want-to-be" maxim might be more accurate: You cannot be anything you want to be—but you can be a lot more of who you already are.”

― Tom Rath, Strengths Finder

Very often parents focus on improving the weaknesses in their children, but actually the opposite is more effective.  The best way for any person to grow is to focus on their strengths - virtues, talents, or what they are naturally good at.  Using those strengths builds confidence and actually can then make up for the weaknesses.  Listen in as we discuss how to empower children through “strengths-based parenting”.

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/    

Watch here - https://youtu.be/TTV85m_tlp0 

“You know that feeling you get after a good night’s sleep? Yea, me neither.” - Every Parent Ever

If you feel like you are living in a state of almost constant exhaustion, you are not alone.  It's not just the sleepless nights and crazy days - that’s a reality that parents have always had to deal with.  We believe parents are more exhausted today because  there are certain elements of our culture that do drain our energy more than parents in the past experienced. In this podcast, we pinpoint those elements so you can see them, recognize them for what they are, and learn how to manage them.  You do not have to be worn down all the time!  Managing the stressors of parenting is possible and hopefully we can help you with these tips and tricks!

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/    

Watch here - https://youtu.be/inI8NPgFzsg 

 "Men do not fear a powerful hostile army as the powers of hell fear the name and protection of Mary." -St. Bonaventure

One of the questions we ask parents as an icebreaker for our in-person events is “How many of your childrren have used rosaries as weapons?” This is a common experience of families with young children as parents try to pray.  We get it.  For a long time, we found it hard to encourage devotion to the rosary with our children, but we have grown and learned a lot over the years! As we launch into the month of May, we wanted all our listeners to take some time to reflect on why the Blessed Mother is so important to families.  In this re-release of an earlier podcast, we talk about devotion to Our Lady, how to pray the rosary as a family creatively, and how she can inspire us in our family life.  Listen in and be encouraged and inspired!

Find all this and more at www.messyfamilyproject.org

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ 

“Before we began the adoption process, before we could be the parents our children needed us to be, I had to grieve those losses.  I had to offer my broken dreams to Jesus, and trust He would not permit me to carry the cross of infertility unless He could bring something beautiful out of it.” - Emily Stimpson Chapman

This interview with Emily and Chris Chapman is an amazing conversation about some deep and painful topics, but sprinkled with laughter and joy!  Emily Stimpson Chapman is an accomplished author and Insta personality, but she is also a wife, mother, and friend to us!  Through their own journey in the ups and downs of single life and then marriage, Chris and Emily have learned many lessons that they share with us in this podcast with wisdom and humor.  It's amazing to hear how you can go from living alone, to living with a husband, to living with 3 babies in a very short amount of time.  Add to that a basement flooding with sewage, ailing parents, and adjusting to family life overall makes for some interesting conversations!  Join us for this visit with the Chapmans and be encouraged on your unique journey with the Lord.

Find all this and more at www.messyfamilyproject.org

Watch here - https://youtu.be/QBesLrHJ4vw

“How can there be too many children? That’s like saying there are too many flowers.” - St. Theresa of Calcutta

There is great confusion in our world, even among good Catholics, about the purpose of marriage and even the purpose of having children. Catholics do not “discern having another child”.  Instead, our default is that we are always open to new life in our families, but in grave circumstances, we can postpone pregnancy for the overall good of our family.  In this episode, we discuss how we can form our conscience to come to a deeper understanding of the role of children in our marriage that includes, but also goes beyond, financial considerations. Discerning this area of marriage can be tricky, so we called a lifeline for this one, and invited Jonathan and Amanda Texiera, founders of WalletWin, to come on and help us to navigate this issue and give couples good questions to discuss with each other and options to consider.  

Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/x_vnTYkxO9Y

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

“Its better to be wrong together than right alone” - Mike and Alicia

There are many things that spouses need to navigate in life - finances, educational choices, work issues, in-laws - and for all of these issues there is an “X factor” that makes all the difference - UNITY.  Without unity, even the most perfect of scenarios will not bring peace, but with unity there is nothing that life throws at a couple that they will not be able to handle.  The question is, how do you forge that unity with each other when you have two different visions of what your family should look like?  In this episode, we tackle this difficult question by encouraging couples to “push up”; to look at your life from the 50,000 foot level.  Instead of starting with the details, start with the big picture.  Those are the conversations that are most helpful.  Listen in as we give couples some concrete questions to discuss with each other to build that unity that is absolutely essential to a flourishing marriage and family life. 

Find all this and more at messyfamilyproject.org

Watch episode here - https://youtu.be/q365bqR8NTI

“Dream big, plan simple, act now.” - Mike and Alicia Hernon

Dreaming is an integral part of living a life to the fullest.  But dreams that take us away from our vocation are fantasies and actually detract from living an abundant life.  What is the difference and why is it important? Dreaming in the best sense is an essential skill to have. Not everyone is a natural dreamer, but we can all learn to be!  In this podcast, we discuss having a Growth mindset versus a Fixed mindset and how that affects our family life. We also give some tips for how to rise above the everyday work that we do and create a vision for your family that will motivate and inspire you to grow. 

Watch here: https://youtu.be/Sh-X0FGePeo

Find all this and more at messyfamilyproject.org

“Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.” - Brene Brown

The emotions of young people can be overwhelming to us, but we have to realize that they are overwhelming to them as well!  How can parents help children to regulate their emotions in a healthy way?  Not every emotion needs discipline, sometimes kids need understanding and empathy to assist them in learning how to move through their own feelings.  In this podcast, we give some practical steps for parents to help their child to recognize, express, and get in control of their strong emotions.  This is an issue that can be tough for parents, especially if they have never learned this skill themselves, but it is essential for the well-being of every child. 

Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/

Find information on this and more at https://messyfamilyproject.org/

Watch episode here - https://youtu.be/ZGS5dMBEMCc

Children are really the supreme gift of marriage and contribute in the highest degree to their parents’ welfare. - Gaudium et Spes, 50

Listener questions are back!  We had a wonderful time visiting with listeners all over the East Coast and as we traveled we collected questions from them.  Here are a few of those questions including how to emotionally handle the mess and chaos that inevitably comes with young children, getting kids to behave at mass, and family of origin issues.  We also talk about bringing the Montessori philosophy into how you view your children and the importance of living with purpose.  Listen in to our conversation with Katie who asks us these questions from the perspective of “every parent” who deals with these issues on a daily basis. 

Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/ICRiQC2bftA

When we look at the lives of those who have faithfully followed Christ, we are inspired with a new reason for seeking the City that is to come and at the same time we are shown a most safe path by which… we will be able to arrive at perfect union with Christ, that is, perfect holiness. - Lumen Gentium, 50

One of our great gifts as Catholics is the “older brothers and sisters” that God has given us in the saints.  There are saints for every personality, vocation, and even job type!  In this episode, we interview the creators of the podcast “Saints Alive!” who tell dramatizations of the life stories of the saints.  This is a great tool for parents in this digital age when we are all looking for good media to put in front of our children and into their minds. We hope this will be a valuable resource for parents looking to fill their children's minds with good and holy things!      

Saints Alive Podcast - https://www.saintsalivepodcast.com/episodes

Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBVi8fszH6k

Since parents have given children their life, they are bound by the most solemn obligation to educate their offspring and therefore must be recognized as the primary and principal educators. This role in education is so important that only with difficulty can it be supplied where it is lacking. ~ Pope Paul VI, Declaration of Christian Education

 Educating children is one of the most important and daunting tasks parents must face.  For some parents who have good resources at their disposal, the choice may be easy.  For other parents, the choice is agonizing - charter school, Catholic school, homeschool, or public school…. What is the best thing for my child at this time?  But the needs of your child are not the only thing that you need to consider.  In this episode, Mike and Alicia give parents a framework for the conversation they need to have with their spouse on educational choices for their children.  There is not only one answer!  Listen in to this reboot of a classic conversation on marriage and parenting. 

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/zK3fPkNt2Oc

Children have not been given to parents as a present, but as a trust for which, if lost through their negligence, they must render an account to God. ~ St. Alphonsus Ligouri

Raising teens is an art, not a science.  It takes finesse, subtleties, and nuances to get it right. Children are pushing back and trying to become independent adults while they are still not yet ready for the responsibilities of adulthood.  How do you slowly give them more freedom while making sure you don’t give them TOO much?  In this episode, we interview Bill and Tanis Merimee, parents of 9 children and founders of the ministry Marriages of Grace.  Bill and Tanis have a unique perspective also because they are both musicians and have children who are particularly artistic.  Teens who are artistic have special challenges and needs because they have a great gift to give the world - their art!  How can parents nurture this artistic temperament while avoiding the pitfalls that can come with the godless culture that is growing in the art world.  Listen in and join the conversation!   

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/eRnjftj7r5w

Each day be conscious of your duty to be a saint. — A saint! And that doesn’t mean doing strange things. It means a daily struggle in the interior life and in heroically fulfilling your duty right through to the end. ~ St. Jose Maria Escriva

One of the things we teach couples all the time is that marriage and family life is your path to holiness.  So the celebration of Lent and Easter should look different if you are a married person!  Sacrifices and commitments that take away from your vocation should be avoided because the first step in discerning anything is to consider your state in life. This means that you and I can become holy by not just having an hour of adoration, but also by playing with our toddlers!  Or taking your teen out to coffee, or having a weekly date night with your spouse. Catholics need to explore more of what it means to be a saint in our homes.  Listen in to this webinar we did on the Monday before Ash Wednesday to explain our Cana90 program for couples and families. 

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms, Dads, and Family Board Meeting Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/9XXXCgvrRgI 

“When she’s in your company, your daughter tries harder to excel. When you teach her, she learns more rapidly. When you guide her, she gains confidence. If you fully understood just how profoundly you can influence your daughter's life, you would beoverwhelmed, or both.” ― Dr. Meg Meeker

All girls have a certain pattern of physical development that will change them into women, but these changes need to be guided, nurtured, and shaped by loving parents.  The genius of womanhood is a great gift to the world and parents are the ones who help a girl realize this gift. We did this podcast to help all parents encourage the feminine qualities within their daughters.  Not stereotypes, but honest, strong, and true womanhood.  Listen in as we give some insights, inspiration, and practical advice.  

Read more on masculinity and femininity - https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/gender-differences-taking-the-risk

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/    For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/Al0Wlyat9iI

Manhood isn’t something that simply happens to boys as they get older. It’s an achievement – something a boy accomplishes, something that can easily go awry. If we ignore the importance of this transition, and fail in our duty as parents to guide boys through it, then we will learn the hard way why traditional cultures invest this transition with so much importance. - Dr Leonard Sax

In today’s world we cannot assume that all boys will grow up to be masculine men.  But this is the task of every parent of a boy!  Parents need to recognize that boys need to be guided on the road to manhood.  It doesn’t just happen all by itself.  To give this guidance well, parents need to first realize that boys and girls have been created with different gifts.  Though a truly balanced man finds within himself both masculine and feminine qualities, parents need to start with encouraging a boy’s strengths, his masculine qualities.  Listen into this conversation as we discuss how parents can take an active role in encouraging masculinity in their sons.  

Read more on masculinity and femininity - https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/gender-differences-taking-the-risk

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

 For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

 View the episode here - https://youtu.be/yFwQIagpisg 

"Creating informal rituals when you can connect emotionally is critical in a marriage" ~ John M. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Dating your spouse consistently is the easiest thing you can do to keep your love alive - and its fun too!  We have been challenged recently to spend more time with each other and just have fun.  Because our work puts us in each other's orbit all the time, it can be easy for us to think that we don’t need MORE time together, but we do.  Date night reminds us that our relationship must come first because it is the foundation of our family.  Listen in as we give some encouragement, ideas, motivation, and inspiration to always, no matter what, date your spouse. 

Family Board Meeting Webinar - https://messyfamilyproject.org/our-events/date-night/2023-family-board-meeting-webinar 

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/dAwqkXM3UMg 

“Anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can be.”

For some reason, dealing with sons and daughters can bring out anger in a person who has been mild mannered and easy going their whole life!  Why is that?  What we have noticed is that children do not create our weaknesses, they reveal them. It is good to understand why we react so strongly to certain situations in order to grow in virtue.  In this podcast, we shed some light on the truth about anger, give some tools and ideas for handling anger, and share some of our own experiences and difficulties.  If you struggle with anger you are not alone!  Listen in and join the conversation.  

Family Board Meeting Webinar - https://messyfamilyproject.org/our-events/date-night/2023-family-board-meeting-webinar 

Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 

Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

View the episode here - https://youtu.be/aYv3whGxIdo

“The sacrifices our parents made to give us brothers and sisters is one of the greatest things they have done for us.” - Mike and Alicia Hernon

We usually talk about family life from the perspective of parents.  But for this podcast, we are going to take some time to talk about what it was like growing up in a family of 6 for Mike and a family of 10 for Alicia.  We didn’t realize it as kids, but our parents' lives were really hard and they made a lot of sacrifices having the large families that they had. We see now that although our parents had difficulties, they were not prevented from giving us the greatest gift that they could - our brothers and sisters. Our siblings haven’t blessed us just as children, but we have been able to benefit from those relationships into adulthood!  Our brothers and sisters have colored in the outlines that our parents traced for us.  We hope that all parents listening will realize that more than money, premier schools, or fancy clothes your children need brothers and sisters.  Those relationships are riches they will have for the rest of their lives! 

Get your Messy Family gear -  jacket, pullovers, and Yeti at : https://messyfamilyproject.org/give 

View the episode here https://youtu.be/3Ely0kr-Ifw

The holidays are a perfect time for families to have game nights or even game days!  Games teach children invaluable lessons about strategy, logic, and skill but also about how to get along with others, what consequences mean, and how to be a good loser and a gracious winner.  Taking time to invest in games for kids is a great activity for parents and you may actually have fun too!  See our list of games for families below to enjoy!  

• Support our mission and choose a great thank you gift: https://messyfamilyproject.org/give
• Games list mentioned: https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/games-we-love 

If curiosity is a trait that can lead to the development of healthier, deeper, and more intimate relationships, then it could be another vital feature of the life of the child. - Maggie Hernon

Did this title cause you to look?  Do you wonder what it is about?  Is it causing you to click to listen?  That is because you are curious and that is a good thing! Curiosity is something we should all be encouraging in our children and there are numerous benefits.  People who are curious have better mental health, are more successful in life and relationships, and have a more highly developed sense of wonder and awe in the world.  Children are born curious, and it is up to parents to encourage them through the tools we give them, the environment we provide and how we model curiosity ourselves.  Listen in to find out how to help your children be curious about the world and themselves and why this is an essential skill.

https://messyfamilyproject.org/

"When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things—not the great occasions—give off the greatest glow of happiness." - Bob Hope

The holidays are an important “memory making time” for children because these are the years in which their impressions are sometimes bigger than life, bigger than reality!  Parents need to be very intentional about the messages that they are sending to their children through the way that they spend their time, energy, and money.  In this podcast we take some time to review the importance of family culture for the formation of identity, belonging and mission.  But then we get into the practical side of the holidays and give some tips and tricks that all parents can benefit from!  Listen in!

“Money touches every aspect of our lives and colors our interactions with others. If we don't get our relationship with money right, our relationships with others hardly stand a chance.” ~ Jonathan and Amanda Teixeira

Boy do we have a treat for you!  One area in which we have always been hesitant to talk about is family finances.  But we figured, when you know what you are not good at, you outsource!  This is why we are bringing in Jonathan and Amanda Teixeira, founders of WalletWin, a financial-success program and podcast that help everyday Catholics get intentional with money.  In 2012, they were $24,500 in debt, but in less than eight months, they had paid off all their loans and closed the doors on debt forever. Since kicking debt to the curb, they’ve focused on saving, investing, and giving, and they’re now teaching others how to do the same.  We have found their advice to be very balanced and helpful to couples who desire to learn how to work together and manage their money in a way that brings peace and stability to their home.  Listen into this crucial conversation! 

Join us for a conversation that was inspired by our listeners' needs! Our daughter Katie (with a guest appearance by baby Catalina!) joins us as a host to ask questions that have been sent to us by various families over the past few months.  In this episode we first talk about the time between dinner and bedtime, which we affectionately call the “witching hour”.  For some reason, it’s always a difficult time but there are strategies that we have used to make it better.  We also discuss the sad reality of adult children who have left the faith and how parents can respond to them.  In addition, we give some great places to go to find information about child development so parents can know how to create appropriate expectations and we end with some practical advice on simple dinners.  Listen in for some inspiration to help you on your great adventure!  

“Ultimately, only bountiful marriages can transform our domestic churches into sanctuaries for this liturgy of love; and it is this liturgy by which we sanctify our daily lives and the world” ~ Living Beyond Sunday

We have been blessed to work with many great ministries serving marriage and family and The Catholic Man Show is one of them!  David Niles and Adam Minihan, along with their wives Pamela and Haylee have written a great book for Catholic families called Living Beyond Sunday; Making Your Home a Holy Place  and we were thrilled to talk to them about it on this podcast.  David and Pamela joined us for this interview in which we talk about the book, but also about how they started out as a family, why they wrote this book, and how it can help other families in their walk with Christ.  Just like our work at MFP, this book is full of truth, but also very practical and real. Listen in to be encouraged and inspired!

“Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.” ― Padre Pio

Parents worry about many things - finances, children’s health and education, extended family, grandparents… and then there is the state of the world and the economy!  How do Christian parents handle all the things that COULD go wrong?  The answer is that this world is not our home and God is in control.  God allows difficulties to come our way not for us to worry or be anxious, but for us to turn to Him in prayer and rely on His grace for our lives.  This is a throwback podcast - way back to #51!  Listen in and join the conversation.

"True love involves the selfless pursuit of what is best for the other person, even if it means sacrificing one’s own preferences and desires” ~Dr. Edward Sri

We are so happy to share with you the recording of one of the largest public date nights we have ever had!  Our interview with Dr. Ted Sri and his wife Beth was fun, insightful, and, we hope, inspirational to everyone who heard it.  Their new book, The Good the Messy and the Beautiful has the same perspective towards family life that we have on our podcast - that life is full of difficulties and trials, but this is the path to joy and true life!  The goal of family life is not just to survive, but to grow in holiness.  Some of the topics that we cover in this conversation are emotional and physical intimacy, dealing with woundedness in marriage, and why your marriage is the foundation of your home, but also part of the foundation of the Church! Listen in to hear the wisdom of Ted and Beth Sri in our conversation with them.

It is not our job to change our child. It is their job to change us ~ Maggie Radzik

Oh boy, do we have a treat for you!  In this podcast we have a fascinating conversation with catechist and Montessori trainer Maggie Radzik.  Maggie is a leader in Catholic Montessori in the US and she is committed to seeing the work of Maria Montessori applied in a truly Catholic context.  What is so genius about Dr. Montessori’s philosophy is that she drew her conclusions not from her own theories, but through first observing the children.  She approached the child with humility, knowing that God designed them in a certain way, and that the adults around the children need to not impose their own will and ideas on the children but instead provide an environment for that child to grow and develop into the person God made them to be.  Parents can learn much from this no matter how old their children are!  This humble approach to the child can be applied to toddlers, teenagers, and all in between.  There are so many topics covered in this podcast - potty training, discipline, tantrums, intellectual development, prayer, and more!   Listen in and join the conversation.

"Families are the ultimate and best example of a team"

Every family is made up of individual people with strengths and weaknesses. Knowing these enables us to work together better! Patrick Lencioni, celebrated author and speaker, has found that there are six “geniuses” found in effective teams. Every person has two of them. When we find out our working genius and that of our spouse, we can function more effectively for the good of our family. Listen in to this podcast where we talk about the six working geniuses, how to figure out what yours is, and why it’s important.

Working Genius book and free resources - https://www.workinggenius.com/resources

Messy Family University events - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/university/

Join the community of the Messy Family Neighborhood - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

“A definition of self-control is joyful mastery over one’s thoughts and desires.” - Dominican Sisters of Mary on Open Light Media

 Children are little raw balls of personality - and some have more than others!  They are unformed little people and it is the job of parents to form them.  This is a great joy to be given the privilege of training a child in the way they should go, but (let’s be honest!) it can also be exhausting!  In this reboot episode we have a conversation about teaching kids self-control which is an essential virtue for any successful person.  Self-control is not only taught through things like discipline and giving consequences, it is also taught by giving our children tools and strategies to conquer the emotions inside them that may threaten to overwhelm them at times.  This conversation was released four years ago and at the end we give an update on the kids that we discuss.  It was good for us to see how far they have come!  Listen in as we talk about self-control and join the conversation. 

"A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." - Proverbs 31:10

Let’s be honest.  Moms do much more work than the average person, especially when they are at home with young children for most of the day.  Even moms who work, or who have a side hustle, rarely pull back on caring for children, running the household, and keeping everyone fed and clothed.  But this great service to the family can also be a burden, it can cause resentment, and it can cause burnout.  Moms can feel stuck, even trapped.  How do we prevent that from happening?  How can we change our perspective and embrace what we do for our family as our path to holiness and sanctification?  It comes down to three things - identity, belonging, and mission.  Listen in to learn more!  

“We are witnesses to what the Lord Jesus has done in our lives.” ~ Tony Foy, Executive Director of NET Ministries Ireland

Many of you may have picked up that Mike is pretty proud of his Irish heritage.  We had a daughter who wanted to be an international missionary at 18 and Mike was hesitant until she said she wanted to be part of NET Ireland.  That was a quick sell!  NET is an organization that forms missionaries to evangelize junior high and high school students all over the world.  Tony Foy and his wife Sheena have been running NET Ireland for – years while they have been raising seven children of their own.  In this conversation, we talk about both of our experiences raising children who become adult missionaries, share our differing perspectives, and give the lessons that we have learned through it all.  Tony and Sheena are brilliant guests and we had some good crack (look up an Irish translation for that!).  It was a joy for us to connect with other like minded parents who are also in ministry to hear their wisdom and stories about this greatest of adventures - Catholic family life. 

“Most people spend more time planning a one-week vacation than they spend planning their life.”  ~ Michael Hyatt

As we begin a new school year and the fall season we think this is a perfect time to start or re-start a new habit or routine in your family and be more intentional about your family culture. This is a great time for your family to do a reset! Too often we put off making changes in our family, or it ends with us just talking about it. But it doesn’t have to be that way. This is a special podcast that we did in front of a virtual “studio audience” - couples from our member site!  We recorded it with them and will be starting small accountability groups to keep the resolutions from the “reset” going.  After listening to this podcast if you want to join a small group, let us know!  Or maybe you want to get together with some of your friends and do a “reset” together.  Use this time of new schedules to make some new fresh habits for you and your family.  We are always called to begin again and move upward and onward to strengthen our family culture! 

“If you want to be a great parent, you need to be an amazing spouse”  ~Mike and Alicia Hernon

Often romance is associated with shallow, fleeting feelings, but really, the romance that we share without spouses is a powerful example to our children of the exclusive intimate relationship that only spouses are to enjoy.   A kiss in the kitchen or an embrace in front of your children is not only to make them say, “Dad! Mom!  Ewww!” but it is to show them the way they are called to love.  It is this intimate exclusive love that is the foundation of the family, and the best place for children to grow is within the shadow of the love of their parents.  So it is essential that we continue to pursue our spouses and learn how to love them intimately.  This is a task that should take our whole lives!  And just to make it interesting (or difficult depending on your perspective!) men and women have different needs when it comes to intimacy and we need to be pursued in different ways.  

“We do not hesitate to declare that devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus is the most effective school of the love of God; the love of God, We say, which must be the foundation on which to build the kingdom of God in the hearts of individuals, families, and nations” ~ Haurietis Aquas, 123

What is the devotion of Nine First Fridays?  This is a request that Our Lord made to St. Margaret Mary Alacoque in 1675.  In these visions, she saw Christ revealed with His heart exposed as He explained to her that this Heart was beating with love for all humankind.  In this world that is getting darker and darker, more than ever we need to find refuge in the Sacred Heart of Jesus! The devotion is simple. Families go to mass for nine first Fridays in a row, with the intention of making reparation to the Sacred Heart of Jesus for all those who ignore Him, scorn Him, and do not love Him. In return, Christ made 12 Promises to all who complete this devotion.  You can find those in our blog this month!  If families begin this devotion in October, June will be the 9th first Friday and then you can consecrate your family to the Sacred Heart on June 16, 2023!  See below for some additional prayers to the Sacred Heart.  This small offering of ours attains for us powerful blessings!  

https://www.franciscanmedia.org/franciscan-spirit-blog/prayers-to-the-sacred-heart

Love should be seen as something which in a sense never ‘is’ but is always only ‘becoming’” ~ St. John Paul II

All marriages go through a cycle.  That cycle includes times of romance, when everything is going well, your love is full, and you are working as a team.  It also includes times when things aren’t so great - we call this “disillusionment”.  Disillusionment is when you don’t have the feelings of being in love; you may not even like your spouse very much!  This is when we feel dry and even alone in our marriage and we need to choose to love.  It is like times of dryness in our spiritual life.  We still show up to mass, say our prayers, and go through the motions, but we don’t feel close to God.  Our marriages can be like this as well!  We need to learn that we still need to show up to work with our spouse, choose to smile and be kind, and speak with affection, even if the feelings aren’t there.  In this podcast, we describe this part of the cycle of marriage and give some encouragement on how to deal with it and move through it because when you do, it leads to true joy, a love that is deep and real because it has been tested and tried.  

“The family is where children discover how to be human. It’s where they learn how to respect and love other people.. where they discover their place in a family story larger than themselves.” -Archbishop Charles Chaput

We meet parents all the time who tell us, “My kids don’t get along!” and our response is, “Of course they don’t get along.  That is kind of what your job is as parents.  To teach them how to live in peace with other people and they practice this with their siblings.”  Family is the training ground for life. This is where children learn how to be human - to fight, to forgive, to share, to live in community.  Parents must be the stewards of the culture of the family and part of that culture is the relationship between brothers and sisters.  The greatest gift a parent can give their child is a brother or sister - but that is just a starting point.  We parents also need to intentionally work to teach those brothers and sisters to love each other.  Because strong sibling relationships are one of life’s greatest joys.  Listen in as we discuss this essential topic for parents.  

Check out our blog post on this topic: Encouraging Good Sibling Relationships

Family communion can only be preserved and perfected through a great spirit of sacrifice. - St. John Paul II

Let’s be honest.  Parenting is hard. Some studies have shown that up to 18% of American parents regret having children.  Though that statistic may not be completely true, it does show a growing number of people who don’t just struggle with being a parent, but actually resent it.  We need to talk about this!  It is good to acknowledge those feelings, but parents need to then move through those feelings, be curious about them, and make sure they don’t get stuck there.  In this podcast, we talk about why people may feel this way and what to do about it.  Our mission is to empower parents to embrace their sacred calling and we can’t do that without meeting parents where they are at.  For those parents who struggle with this job - we hear you and you are welcome here.  Listen in and join the conversation.

Check out our blog post on this topic: Help! I Hate Parenting My Kids (Sometimes)

   Food is love, but it’s only love if it’s shared. ~ Fr. Leo Patalinghug

Family dinner is something so simple yet so important and foundational in your family culture.  We need to constantly be reminded and encouraged to take time to focus on those relationships in our family daily, or at least weekly.  In this fun, engaging conversation with Fr. Leo, we discuss family dinners, but also inviting others into our homes, and how to have true leisure. Fr. Leo makes the point that dinners together are not just important, they are actually essential! In this podcast we also talk about our upcoming cruise with Fr. Leo to Portugal and Fatima next spring.  It is a river cruise through wine country but also to several shrines and holy places, particularly the blessed shrine of Our Lady of Fatima.  We are blessed to have such a great friend in Fr. Leo and we hope that you will join us for this conversation, but also on our trip next year!

Fr. Leo’s organization - https://platinggrace.com/

Women Wonderfully Made FREE Webinar

Dads Vs. Wild FREE Webinar

Join us a the Cruise and Pilgrimage to Fatima - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/

Check out our blog post on this topic: Do Family Dinners Matter?

Blessed is the house where an older person lives! Blessed is the family that honours the elderly! - Pope Francis, from his message for the Second World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly

None of us live in a vacuum.  We didn’t just appear upon the earth in isolation!  We are all part of a family - not just our nuclear family, but a wider group made up of aunts, uncles, grandparents, and great grandparents, stretching back generations.  How often do we consider the role of our grandparents in our lives?  Or the role that we will play in the lives of our grandchildren someday?  In this podcast, we discuss the importance of these relationships, some guidelines for both generations to learn how to relate to each other, and how parents can embrace their role as grandparents.  We have found that you never stop learning and growing in your relationship with your spouse or your children.  This podcast will benefit everyone who has grandparents, who is a grandparent, and those who are navigating relationships between their children and their parents.  This podcast is in response to the call of Pope Francis to celebrate the role of grandparents on the Sunday closest to the feast of St. Anne and Joachim, grandparents of Jesus, this year on July 24.

The vocation of marriage and the vocation of consecrated life beautifully work together and we think this interview demonstrates that fact!  In this podcast we have a conversation with Sr. John Paul, from the order Mary Mother of the Eucharist, a Dominican congregation in Ann Arbor MI.  She is a fellow Franciscan University alum and principal of St. Michael School in Columbus OH. Like parents, she is in charge of the formation of virtue in young children, but she sees this formation from a different perspective.  During our conversation, she explains how to discuss the virtues in daily life and gives us some language to use.  Sister also demonstrates how to spot virtues in children and call them out and shows why this is so important.  Join in this recording of our member date night with a very special sister.  

Dominican Virtue Tree: https://openlightmedia.com/online-learning/interactive-virtue-tree/

Family Board Meeting course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Moms and Dad Webinars & Courses: https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

We love it when our listeners dictate what we talk about!  In this episode we tackle some great email questions and voice memos that parents have sent us.  A mom asks if its ok that her 2 yr old is wearing his sister’s dress up clothes and another mom is overwhelmed at another child on the way. Does this make her not “open to life” or a bad Catholic?  We also had a wife share with us her heartache at her husband’s lack of faith in the home.  How can she honor the Lord and honor her husband at the same time when he is not interested in living the faith?  Listen in as we talk about these questions and the issue of keeping life in balance.  How do we make time for it all?  Our answers are empathetic, but also practical and we believe they can help many parents out there.  Join the conversation!

Don’t miss the virtual Family Board Meeting in August - https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Fly down to the Catholic Couples Getaway on Cozumel island - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/

Join us for a Fatima Pilgrimage and Portugal Cruise - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” - G.K. Chesterton

As we celebrate the founding of our country, we want to take time to salute and honor those families who serve our country. The decision to serve affects not only those serving in our armed forces but also the spouses and children.  In this podcast, we discuss with three military families on the joys and crosses of this vocation they have chosen to live. This conversation is really beautiful because much of what they share is applicable to any and every family. Important principles like trusting the Lord in everything, investing in your community and constantly pursuing your spouse are applicable to every marriage. We also ask about the virtue of patriotism and how to pass this on to our children. We hope this podcast will inspire you, it has inspired us! 

Want to hear more on this topic? Check out our latest blog post on raising patriotic kids: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/raising-patriotic-kids/

Don’t miss the virtual Family Board Meeting in August - https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Fly down to the Catholic Couples Getaway on Cozumel island - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/

Join us for a Fatima Pilgrimage and Portugal Cruise - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/

“You know what my bedtime routine was when I was a kid? Darkness!” ~ Jerry Seinfeld

We love our listeners.  And we love answering their questions!  In this episode, we are joined by our Program Coordinator, Katie (Hernon) Gamboa who represents the “every-mom” and gives us some great topics to talk about.  The first issue we tackle is sleep!  Since few young parents ever get enough of it, we help out by giving some tips and tricks as well as perspective.  One of us is good at getting kids to lay down and one is not.  We explain how this happens and how to make sure it doesn’t happen to you.  Another great question is in regards to big families.  The more kids you have the more the humanity and brokenness you will experience as a family.  Bringing children into the world isn’t just a matter of another pregnancy, it is another life that you are tied to for the long haul.  Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint!  How do we soberly decide our family size?  How do you know when and if you should take on a stewardship of another life?  And the last question is in regards to fun.  What does the Hernon family do for fun?  The answer is simpler than you think!  Listen in and join the conversation!

“It's better to be wrong together than right alone” - Michele Doman

Every couple argues.  Or at least they should.  The reason is that arguing can be a path to unity which is what marriage is all about.  Some couples argue in measured tones with carefully reasoned ideas, while others argue with raised voices and emotional exchanges.  Every couple is different, but there are some principles that we all can follow to make our “discussions with emotion” more productive and focused on bringing spouses closer together.  Listen in as we give you Five Ways to Win Every Argument….  Just kidding.  That would not be a very good marriage podcast!  We will actually give you some tips to help you forge that unity in a manner that is healthy, holy, and good for both of you.  This podcast is a re-boot of “Arguing in Marriage” from March 2015.

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – Augustine of Hippo

We want our community of messy families to be above average.  Intentional. Vibrant. Better than all the rest.  One way to do that is to be very thoughtful about how you spend your leisure time with your family this summer.  Every family and every trip is different, but no matter what the length is or where you go, families should be sure to make the most of their time with their children. Vacations strengthen your family culture, help you and your children grow personally, and are good for mental health! But this will only happen if you are sure to define your “why” and then make a simple, flexible plan. Listen in to this podcast when we share some of our vacation experiences and give some tips and tricks for making the most of this special time with your family.

Every family has an anointing and in order to walk in that anointing we need to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. - Deacon Larry Oney After Jesus ascended into heaven the apostles had the Eucharist.  They probably celebrated mass together, they had the Blessed Mother with them, and surely they prayed and fasted.  But they did not go out and evangelize, heal the sick, or preach the word.  Why?  They were waiting for the Advocate, the Breath of God, the Power from on high - the Holy Spirit.  Often we forget that we need the power of the Holy Spirit that lives within us to do any good work.  He is the one that enlightens our minds when we don’t know how to respond to a child, He gives us the courage to be vulnerable with our spouse when its hard, and He enables us to lift our hearts in prayer.  Join us for this interview with Deacon Larry and his wife Andi.  They have two very different stories of walking with the Lord and their marriage is an unlikely match on many levels.  But God brought them together and now they are serving alongside each other in preaching and teaching about the love of God and the joy they have in serving him.  

https://hopeandpurpose.org/

https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

“Love is never something ready made, something merely given to man and woman, it is always at the same time a task which they are set. Love should be seen as something which in a sense never ‘is’ but is always only ‘becoming’...” ~ St John Paul II

What is one of the most important things you can give your marriage?  TIME.  We build relationships with the material of time - no time spent means nothing is being built. It is very easy for all of us to push time spent with our spouse to the back burner because although our marriages are Important, they are rarely Urgent. Think about it - there will always be something more urgent in life than spending time with your spouse. But there is nothing that is more important. Couples must intentionally take time to prioritize time with each other or it simply will not happen.  Daily connection, regular date nights, and weekends away are all different types of time we can put aside for our marriage. You need to take time for your spouse, but you also need to spend it wisely. In this podcast, we discuss some common stumbling blocks for couples, practical ways to make this time for each other and even some conversation topics for you and your spouse. 

So many of us don’t have a healthy relationship with our emotions and don’t have the boundaries that we all need to protect ourselves appropriately.  We get caught up in the things we can’t control and wind up ignoring what we can control. In his book, “Own Your Past, Change Your Future” Dr. John Delony draws on his two decades of work as a therapist and crisis responder to teach parents how to take extreme ownership for themselves and their children.  We were thrilled to be able to interview John and go even deeper into his thoughts on how we can be healthier people who can then be more effective spouses and parents.  The lessons that he gives in this interview and in his book are timeless.  Listen in as we discuss the real definition of “trauma” and “grief”, ownership of emotions and thoughts, the epidemic of loneliness and the need for friendship, and the role that parents play in all of this. 

 “For a Christian, joy isn’t what happens when life is going perfectly; it’s what happens when you know you are loved perfectly, even when life is a mess.” ~ Chris Stefanick

Sometimes we look at other couples and think, “Those people have it all together. It must be easy to be married to that person.  We are the only one’s struggling.” Nothing could be further from the truth. This interview starts with fun questions like “What’s the best part about being married to Natalie?” and “How did Chris pop the question?”.  But then, true to the brand of “Real Life Catholic”, Chris and Natalie quickly opened up their marriage to us to share the very real pain and suffering that they have journeyed through together.   All of us have our own battles to fight in our lives, and often we bring these battles into our marriages.  The question is, do our spouses come alongside us and fight FOR us, or do they themselves become another “battle to fight”?  In this conversation, we discuss the process of healing from sexual abuse within marriage, the effect on both spouses, how you can help your spouse through their struggles, and how to lean in to all the grace that the sacrament of marriage has to give.  This is a raw and real conversation that we believe will speak to the hearts of husbands and wives who take the time to listen. 

We’ve all been there. You’re trying to calm a crying infant, the toddler is crawling under the pews, the seven year old is drawing in the missal, and you wonder if your teenager is getting anything out of this at all. What are we talking about? Taking kids to mass! The mass is the font and summit of our faith but so many times we wonder if our kids are Pay attention at all. Does standing in the parking lot with a crying infant or chasing a toddler through the vestibule count as your Sunday obligation? In this podcast, we talk about the challenges and importance of bringing our children to Jesus in mass. The world that children live in is completely different than ours psychologically and spiritually. It is absolutely vital that parents recognize this in order to nurture the child’s growing relationship with Christ. Listen in as we share our stories and insights on encouraging participation in this most important family prayer, Holy mass. 

Funny "Post Church Press Conference" YouTube Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om-qeqwcF8g

Catechesis of the Good Shepherd Parent Resources: https://www.cgsusa.org/discover/cgs-approach/cgs-in-the-home-parent-resources/

Special Catholic Couples Getaway next January: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/ 

Take our listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/messyfamilysurvey2022

Host Hijack!!  Alicia’s brother Paul joins Mike for some manly conversation (but don’t worry, Alicia jumps in at the end!) This conversation will be helpful to anyone who is looking to have a great marriage - whether you are a husband or wife.  It’s clear that there are many roles that men play in our world, some big and some small, but no other role comes close to the significance of being a good husband.  Instead of just talking theory, Mike and special guest Paul Doman discuss very real ways that husbands can and must love, serve, protect and lead in the home. This topic is essential for both men and women as we consider how we are being called to take extreme ownership for the way in which we lay down our lives for our wives and embrace our sacred calling. Representing the ladies, Alicia joins the end of our conversation to pose some questions from wives about their husbands.  Join in our conversation to laugh, be encouraged, and empowered in the role of a Catholic husband in a marriage.  

Special Catholic Couples Getaway next January: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/ 

Guide to strengthen your marriage: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/marriage/

Living life with infants and toddlers is no joke.  And the more you have the crazier your life is!  We all know life is more than survival, but there were plenty of times that all Alicia could think when she woke up was “I just have to make it till nap time”. In this MFP classic episode which first aired in 2015, we talk about living life with kids under 5 without losing your mind. We give some practical tips for managing your children, ways to keep your marriage alive at this time, and how to act as a team in these crucial years.  Even though the “Survival Zone” is in our distant memory, we now have grandchildren who remind us regularly how much energy kids take!  Listen in for these essential tips in getting through these difficult times with grace and joy. 

“Instead of trying to protect yourself through your fear, learn to live dangerously! – by doing and saying what you think, know, and believe to be right, by not caring that you may be mistaken at times” 

~ Dr. Conrad Barrs, Born Only Once: the Miracle of Affirmation

Unfortunately, we live in a Pinterest-perfect, commercialized, consumerist culture that is looking for the top of the line in everything.  What happens when that attitude bleeds into our parenting? How does it affect our kids when we start demanding perfection from them instead of delighting in who they are?  In this podcast, we dive into the concept of “affirmation” and examine how essential it is that our children receive affirmation from us.  When a person is affirmed, they are not afraid to take risks, to be vulnerable, or to fail.  They know they are loved for who they are, not what they do.  They are delighted in and they know it.  Childhood should be a process of a person receiving these messages from their parent so they can become who they were born to be. Listen in as we discuss the effects of affirmation, practical ways to affirm children, and what affirmation is NOT.  The reference for this podcast is the book Born Only Once, by Dr. Conrad Barrs.

“One earns Paradise with one’s daily task.” ~ Saint Gianna Beretta Molla 

Chores, laundry, meal preparation, etc, etc…. It never ends!  But even this part of family life is an area in which God wants to enter into our lives and teach us to be holy.  Yes, there are very practical aspects of family life that we need to just get done, but HOW we do them will effect our growth as a Catholic family.  Listen in to this podcast where we discuss how we do chores, laundry, and our family’s schedule.  Things change over the years and its important that we realize that being flexible is one of the keys to keeping family life peaceful.  Finding new chore charts, routines, and assignments at home is one way that parents can keep themselves and their kids on their toes and learning how to serve each other.  The home is the training ground for life! 

Stefanick Date Night Sign Up: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-chris-natalie-stefanick/

Over the years, we have met many couples, ordinary people, who have been able to come to a deeper understanding of God’s love for them and the importance of their marriage because of the challenges that have come up in their lives. Many of these stories are inspiring, so we decided to share some of them with you.  We interviewed three couples from our Messy Family Neighborhood who have faced challenges in their marriage that they have been able to learn from by God’s grace.  Billy and Lori are a young couple who needed to learn how to operate as a family and not as “married individuals”.  David and Erin are a military family who dealt with the dangers of military conflict as well as long deployments.  Bill and Lisa have three children with various special needs who forced them to adjust their expectations of family life and prioritize each other even when their children’s needs seemed overwhelming. We all need to hear stories of God’s grace acting in the lives of other people to be inspired and encouraged. Listen in and enjoy.

The world says husbands and wives have the same or even interchangeable roles.  Some fundamentalist Christians and even Catholics say wives should let their husbands decide everything (even in regards to sexual intimacy!) and wives should obey as long as it is not immoral.  This way of thinking does not reflect the rich, intricate, dynamic teachings of the Church in regards to men and women.  A true Catholic marriage calls men and women to act in complementarity so they both become who God is calling them to be. Listen in while we unpack this controversial but essential topic on the role of a wife in a marriage.  (podcast on a husband’s role in marriage coming soon!)

You try your hardest to raise your teenagers with patience, honesty and good manners, but they still end up being like you.

– Anonymous

There is much confusion among teens today around the crucial questions of life and we believe it is because too many parents are not taking up their essential role in their children’s lives.  During adolescence, the parent-child relationship is crucial especially for the parent of the same sex. Fathers teach boys how to be men, and mothers teach girls how to be women.  It’s never too early to start thinking about how to handle this period of transition from childhood to adulthood.  We have seen over the years some families who do this transition very well, and unfortunately some that don’t. Listen in to this podcast as we discuss things we have done with our teens, five of whom are now adults, and how we continue to learn about this wonderful stage of parenting that brings its own joys and challenges.  

We discuss these resources in our podcast today:

• Why Gender Matters
• Preparing for Adolescence
• Wild at Heart
• Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters
• Bringing up Boys
• Passport 2 Purity

After attending our niece’s wedding recently, we had some time to reflect on the significance of marriage not only in our own lives today but how being married prepares us for our eternal unity with God.  The church teaches clearly that marriage is a foreshadowing of the unity between Christ, the Bridegroom, and the Church, His Bride.  This reality should impact our marriages greatly!  We need to allow this truth to change us and make us even more serious about deepening our relationship with our spouse.  Listen in for some inspiration about marriage, weddings, and even religious vocations.  This conversation will inspire and encourage you!  

Family Board Meeting Workshop: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Lenten program for couples: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/

Mother Daughter course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/women-signup/ 

Dads vs Wild course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/

“Teaching kids how to handle money is more than dollars and cents, it’s about character and responsibility” - Dave Ramsey

Handling money is a subject that can bring about strong emotion in couples, but it's a life skill that we need to teach our children!  How we use money reflects our values, and if we want to intentionally train our children and instill in them our deeply held beliefs, then we need to teach them how to use money.  Like most things we do as parents, teaching isn’t just talking.  Children learn by example, they learn by asking questions, and most importantly, they learn by doing.  In this podcast we take some time to explain how we have taught our kids how to use money and how they have taken these lessons into adulthood.  Although we don’t propose to have all the answers, we do share how we have handled allowances, paying kids for chores, children contributing to the household, and children taking care of their own expenses.  Listen in for some fun conversation and inspiration!

The family is a kind of school of deeper humanity. But if it is to achieve the full flowering of its life and mission, it needs the kindly communion of minds and the joint deliberation of spouses.  Gaudium et Spes 52.

How do you live life intentionally?  You plan for it!  And when you are a family, that plan starts with taking some time to have a “deep dive” conversation with your spouse.  A tool we have designed to guide this conversation is called “The Family Board Meeting”.  Think about it this way, your family is your own little corporation and you are president of the board.  Well, maybe not exactly, but you and your spouse are the partners in running your home, and how can you do that effectively without a plan?  Once a year it’s a good idea to get away, dream a little and set some goals.  The most important part of this conversation is not making the perfect goals or having the ultimate budget or schedule.  It's actually about having a unified vision as a couple for what you want your family to be. That’s what it’s all about.  Listen in as we discuss this valuable tool for you and your family.  (This podcast is a throwback to 2015!)

Free Webinar and Worksheet: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/

Family Board Meeting Workshop: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Mother Daughter course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/women-signup/ 

Dads vs Wild course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/ 

Having all our adult children along with our grandchildren at our house over the holidays reminded us that all the sacrifices we have made over the years (and continue to make!) are all worth it.  We thought our listeners would enjoy hearing from our kids’ perspective what worked for them and what didn’t, what we taught them intentionally or unintentionally, and how these lessons affect them now as adults.  We tell parents all the time that is so important to imagine what you want your kids to look like when they are adults, and we have tried to live that out ourselves.  Some topics we discuss in this conversation are the importance of forgiveness, “adulting”, managing teens, allowing kids to fail, and communicating respect for children so they know their voice matters.  We hope you enjoy listening to this conversation because we enjoyed having it! 

New MFP Guide to Screens and Your Child: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/screens-and-your-child-guide/

Family Board Meeting: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/

Lovers do “for love” what never would be done for a reason, or a rule, or a doctrine or a law. True love “loves” and needs to suffer — not for suffering’s sake alone, but for the sake of what we know is only gained on the other side of suffering: Joy.  - Damon Owens

Damon and Melanie Owens have been serving couples throughout most of their 27 years of marriage and now they have launched their own marriage ministry called Joyfully Ever After.  Damon has been the executive director of the Theology of the Body Institute and, with Melanie, they have trained over 20,000 couples in marriage, NFP and in the beauty of the Theology of the Body.  In this interview we discuss some of the greatest needs they see in marriages today, what to do if your spouse is unwilling to work on the marriage, and how to increase intimacy in marriage.  Like us, they offer practical tools for living Catholic life with authenticity and joy.  Listen in as we dive into our conversation with this inspiring Catholic couple.  

Damon and Melanie’s ministry to marriage: https://www.joyfuleverafter.org/

New MFP Guide to Screens and Your Child: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/screens-and-your-child-guide/

*** Support our ministry: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

The Advent season is more than just a countdown to Christmas. It is a time of preparation for the coming of Christ –  His coming at Christmas and His second coming. The Church gives us many beautiful traditions to help us lead our children to focus on more than just presents and treats, but instead on the true celebration of the gift of Jesus! In this podcast we share some ideas and inspiration on what we do for Advent and how to inspire your family in this journey to Bethlehem.

Download our free guide to Advent and Christmas at : https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/advent-2021/ 

Previous podcasts of interest:

• MP 036 : Holidays with In-laws and Out-laws - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-036-holidays-with-in-laws-and-out-laws/ 
• MP 021 : Visiting Family - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-021-visiting-family/
• MP 074 : Busy-ness - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-074-busy-ness/

Jeff Cavins is the author is the Bible Timeline, the tool behind the hit podcast “The Bible in a Year” with Fr. Mike Schmitz.  Jeff and his wife Emily have studied, taught, and led thousands of people into a deeper relationship with the Word of God through their books, talks, and guided tours.  They have a heart for families and a desire to teach parents how to teach their children!   On this podcast, we discuss teaching scripture to our children and learning why it is so important that parents do this.  Not only do the Cavins have great insight, but they also have developed tools for parents to use in their own homes!  Listen in as we learn more about their work and how they are continuing to serve the Church by helping families fall in love with the Word of God. 

If you would like to  the video recording, sign up here: messyfamilyproject.com/date-night-with-the-cavins

Advent Email Campaign Sign up: messyfamilyproject.org/advent-2021/

Cruise Info: messyfamilyproject.org/cruise/ 

Jeff's Website and Pilgrimage Information: https://www.jeffcavins.com/

We love interacting with our listeners and one way we do this is by taking your questions!  Katie (Hernon) Gamboa joins us again to sit in as the “Every-mom” and ask us the questions that our members have sent in to us to be answered.  Per usual, there is a variety of subjects that we cover in this episode.  One mom is struggling with spiritual desolation and a husband who is agnostic.  A dad dealing with addiction reached out for encouragement and advice on relating to his wife during recovery.  We also touch on lighter topics such as laundry routines, having fun with your kids, and navigating the secular Christmas trappings that are all around us.  And we always have questions about toddlers, so that topic is in here too!  Thank you to all who sent in their questions - we hope we have done them justice!

Link to FANOS:  https://hopehousehealing.com/learn/fanos

Link to Cruise: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cruise/

All of us need community and having people in your home is a great way to make them feel loved and to experience a little bit of heaven.  But so many of us have “hostess anxiety” and feel like our home, our cooking, or our kids aren’t good enough to be exposed to others.  The reality is that we all need to practice hospitality, but not everyone has been trained how to be a good host!  In this episode we do just that!  After giving some inspiration, we go through some practical tips that we have found over the past 30 years for entertaining large groups, small groups, people with kids, or a group of couples.  Getting together is worth it!  Listen in and then subscribe and share!

In this episode, we continue the conversation on spiritual freedom with Matt and Jen Lozano from Heart of the Father Ministries and we get practical!  Matt and Jen walk us through the process of defining the lies of the enemy and breaking their power over us.  This all begins with repentance and forgiveness.   Then, we have to renounce these lies, just like we do in confession, and engage in the grace that is there for us.  Last we need to receive the blessing of the Father, which is the deepest longing of our hearts.  In this podcast, all of us share examples of how this process has transformed our relationship with God and we talk about the importance of blessing our children, which creates in their heart a place to receive the blessing of God the Father.  Listen in to the conversation!

Parents feel like failures almost every day, but this is the lie of the enemy!  We are so excited to share with you this interview with Matt and Jen Lozano, speakers and teachers for Heart of the Father Ministries. They have worked with people all over the world, hearing their stories, praying with them, and leading them to freedom.  In our discussion, we talk about some essential spiritual issues which are so vital to parents’ ability to pass on the faith to their kids.  In this first part of our conversation, we talk about recognizing the lies that we believe, renouncing them, and choosing the good.  So many of us believe lies from our past which keep us trapped in a “small story” but when we allow Jesus to free us, He brings us into a larger story, the story of truth.  Please listen in to this powerful podcast. 

When families act as they were created to be they can be a powerful force of transformation and renewal in the world because the Catholic family has what the world is looking for.  Every person has a deep need for belonging and relationship, which is naturally found within family and ultimately satisfied by God the Father. In this presentation, we will discuss how to cultivate these relationships and give an uplifting vision for how the family can be fully alive and change the world. 

We all realize there is a war on the family, right?  But do you understand where it is coming from?  And what the goal is?  You can’t fight a war when you don’t know who the enemy is and what they want.  In this podcast we identify the enemies of the family as socialism, feminism, and sexual radicalism.  The ultimate goal of these “-isms” is the separation of children from their parents.  Make no mistake, we do not fight against physical kingdoms, but against “principalities and powers” as it says in the scriptures. This fight is being waged in the world of philosophy and ideas which have been infiltrating into our society, our politics, and now even our education system.  These roots are deep and have been growing for years, but we are just now seeing their ugly fruit.  We would like you to take some time to understand how your understanding of the roles of mothers, fathers, children, and the family as a social unit has been effected by these philosophies.  It goes deeper than you think!  This podcast was inspired by and draws from The Invincible Family by Kimberly Ells.  Listen in and join the conversation. 

Forgiveness is becoming a lost practice in our increasingly secular world which we believe is one reason for the fracturing of our society. We are always going to offend each other. People are always going to sin against their fellow man. Those offenses and sins cause distance between us. How can they be repaired? Forgiveness. In this podcast, we define what it means to forgive someone and the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. We also discuss having good boundaries when you forgive and how to make sure those boundaries don’t become a wall between you and those in your community. And last we give you all a challenge, a forgiveness challenge, set out by one of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal,  which promises to set you free and draw you closer to Christ and others.

Join us for a special date night with Jeff and Emily Cavins: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-the-cavins/

 Events calendar: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/

We talk a lot on our program about the “messy-ness” of life, but we thought it would be good to take some time to unpack why exactly we use this term and why it's so important to every family.  Every family is a messy family because we live in a broken, fallen world and we constantly are trying to repair relationships and situations that have ruptured.  Why is it so important to recognize this?  Because if we deny or ignore this reality, or try to control our situation and make it neat and perfect, we will only end up frustrating ourselves and making the situation worse.  Families need to embrace the mess knowing that they are exactly where God wants them to be.  

All of us deal with fears in life and overcoming them is the key to living in freedom in your relationships.  People have anxieties about all sorts of things, but within your spouse you should be able to find a safe place. Within marriage is where you should be able to admit your fears, have them be seen in the light of truth, and then overcome them through action.  Listen in while we discuss how you can recognize ways in which fear is holding you back from true connection with your spouse and ways to conquer that fear.  

For more on this and other topics related to marriage, parenting and family life at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Divorce is so common in our culture today that the effects of it on children can easily be dismissed. Almost every couple who gets married has a family member whose life was affected by divorce, so we can think it must not be a big deal. But those people who are adult children of divorce will tell you that it is.  It is a wound they carry their whole lives, but because of Jesus and His power over sin and death that wound can actually be transformed and become a life-giving wound.  Dan and Beth Meola are the founders of the ministry “Life Giving Wounds” which serves those adults whose parents have divorced.  Their compassion, wisdom, and vulnerability in sharing their own stories is inspiring and encouraging.  Listen in to this conversation even if you are not an adult child of divorce.  It will give you insights that you have not considered before regarding this pervasive issue in our society.  

Links:  https://www.lifegivingwounds.org/

Parenting kids in a tech age; Teaching kids virtue in an age of tech; Is it possible to use tech with virtue?

“It is your responsibility to train your child in virtue and slowly move from protecting their innocence to building Christian maturity.  This is true for many areas of life, including use of technology” - Mike and Alicia Hernon

We have talked about the harm that the overuse of screens can do to kids and especially teens, but in this podcast we give parents some ways that they can be proactive in this world of Big Tech.  Screens are here to stay, so parents need to take them on as another area in which they need to train their children in virtue.  Do not lose heart!  It is possible to have virtuous kids who are on social media, play video games, and interact with others online.  Listen in as we show you how.  

Referenced in this episode

Catholic Youth Summer Camp - https://cysc.com/

Messy Family Membership - https://messyfamilyhood.com/join-neighborhood/ 

Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ 

Family Dance-Off: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/dance-off/

At the suggestion of our members, we talked MONEY with Sam and Rob Fatzinger, parents of 14 and authors of the new book A Catholic Guide to Spending Less and Living More. This conversation was insightful and full of great ideas for you and your families!  Money is a hot button topic for many couples and we need to find ways to use our resources wisely especially when you have a larger family and live on one income.  Rob and Sam show us that it is possible!  Plus, living simply has other benefits such as the lessons it teaches our children, care for the environment, and a greater respect for the goods of the earth.  Listen in to this fun conversation with the Fatzingers and the members of the Messy Family Neighborhood.  

• Join us in the Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ 
• Family Dance-Off: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/dance-off/ 
• Find out more about the course for dads: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/
• Book - A Catholic Guide to Spending Less and Living More - https://amzn.to/3pH2811
• Fatzinger blog: http://fatzfam.com/

In this podcast, we answer listener questions in a new format - our new Program Coordinator, Katie Gamboa joins us to present topics for us to discuss. She did a great job! We may be biased since she is our most amazing oldest child (but we aren’t - she DID do a great job!) With Katie’s help, we tackle some sticky questions such as how to handle a sister who is coming out of the closet? How should this be handled with kids? Families are also struggling with the strong emotions of their children when the parents have big feelings themselves!  Listen in as we discuss socializing young children, physical intimacy and the “desire discrepancy”, and expectations in marriage and family.  Thank you to all our listeners who contact us with questions.  We love to hear from you!

Part of our message at the Messy Family Project is that parenting is a path to holiness. But the question many couples have is how much parenting is God asking of us? Within the bounds of the Church’s teaching, there are many prudential judgements that couples have to make - when to abstain from sexual relations, how to give birth, how many children to have, how long to wait in between births, and how to incorporate this new baby into your family. In this podcast we share some of our birth experiences and the values that we have come to embrace through the ten children we have brought into the world all in the context of the gift that it is to be a parent. Children are the supreme gift of marriage - they are not only good in themselves and good for the world - children are also good for us! Listen in as we take on this important discussion of infants, childbirth, NFP and more. 

Join us in the Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ 

Find out more about the course for mothers and daughters: https://messyfamilyhood.com/maidens-signup/ 

Find out more about the course for dads: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/

April 22 is Earth Day, but maybe we Catholics could call it Creation Day and celebrate the loving Father who gave this world to us to “till and keep”.  Maybe we were thinking of this because Mike was chopping down old trees on our property and we all have sore backs this morning!   But seriously, some may look at the extreme environmentalists and be tempted to move to the other extreme and not take seriously their stewardship of the land and animals that are part of our world - but that is not a Christian response!  Time and time again our Church has encouraged people to take responsibility for creation around us, be it plants, animals, or the earth itself.  We are supposed to take care of it and use it well.  Listen in as we talk about teaching and modeling for our children the correct way to care for the gift of creation. 

For more information and resources visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

During this episode, Mike shares his story of his parents’ divorce when he was a teen and his own journey of healing over the past 20 years.  But this is more than just his story.  We also share the hope that Christ brings to us in all our relationships, the lessons learned from suffering and pain, and, ironically, how the divorce actually strengthened his belief in marriage as a covenant between two people that should never be violated.  Anyone who has experienced the effects of divorce in their own lives, or who has married someone who has needs to hear this message.  Even though divorce is ubiquitous, it is not without devastating effects.  What is the answer?  Its the same answer that applies to us all - we need to be Fathered by God and find our identity in Him.  Listen in and have hope!  

Take Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MFP-2021 

Referenced ministry for children of divorce: https://www.lifegivingwounds.org/

Support their sacred art drive: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/sacred-art-for-children-of-divorce#/

For years, Patrick Lencioni has had books on the top of the best seller charts.  He is a master at teaching businesses how to improve their culture and organizational health.  In this podcast, Pat and his wife Laura join us to talk about the culture and health of our families and how his lessons from business can help us!  In our Family Board Meeting course, we use his book 3 Big Questions for the Frantic Family to help couples discover their unique values and rallying cry so this interview was a great time for us to go even deeper into these questions with our listeners.  This podcast is from a Zoom call that we had with our members and the Lencionis so we were able to take questions from the audience and have some great interaction.  Listen in to this compelling conversation!

Complete our listener survey at: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MFP-2021 

Take Pat’s Working Genius assessment using our special discount code: Messyfamily at https://www.workinggenius.com/

Join the Family Board Meeting course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/

This is the year of St. Joseph so let’s talk about what we can learn from this man who knew Jesus and Mary more intimately than any other person who has ever lived.  There is so much we can learn from him! Because there is really no definitive teaching on St. Joseph, we can extrapolate from what we know about Jewish culture at the time and what we read in scripture to imagine what he must have been like.  We do know that he can teach us about being a spouse, a parent, a follower of Christ.  He can show us how to love Jesus and Mary better and, as patron of the family, he is a powerful intercessor for us!  Listen in to this insightful conversation about the man who can serve as a model to us all - St. Joseph.

Webinar on Holy Week as a Family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/holy-week-webinar/

5 Week Family Board Meeting Course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/

Join us for an extraordinary interview with Fr. Jay Donahue, a priest of the Diocese of Pittsburgh who has a heart for marriage and a deep and abiding love for Christ.  We discuss with Fr. Jay the impact that his own large family had on him, how couples can image Christ’s love for the Church and the importance of the Blessed Mother in the lives of priests and everyone in the Church.  He even dives into the sexual scandals that have plagued our Church with extraordinary love and compassion.  You will be inspired hearing his passion for marriage and God’s vision for marriage. We hope you enjoy this interview! 

Webinar on Holy Week as a Family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/holy-week-webinar/

5 Week Family Board Meeting Course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/

Discipline is the issue that we get the most questions about probably because there is so much conflicting advice for parents out there.  The bottom line is that every couple must decide for themselves how they will form the children that God has given to them. But, don’t worry, we do have some principles and encouragement to give you!  In this episode, we discuss the importance of Respect in the home.  For children to truly be obedient and secure in their family, they need to respect their parents.  Evidence of this respect is what we call “first-time obedience”. Yes, it is possible and parents should expect it of their children.  

Download our Discipline Guide:https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/discipline-guide/ 

Join waiting list for next Family Board Meeting: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting-2021/

Looking for ideas on how to celebrate Lent as a couple or as a family?  Listen  in!  When a married person celebrates Lent, especially when they have children, it looks very different than how a single person or religious does it.  Lent is a time to take stock of how we are responding to God’s grace to become who He is calling us to be.  How are we becoming a better wife, mother, husband, or father? To really invest in Lent this year, we want to encourage you to consider commitments of prayer, fasting and mercy all in light of your married vocation.  We have provided a great resource for you on our website -- Cana90!  Sign up to receive daily emails of encouragement, tracking sheet, services for the Triduum, ideas for weekend celebrations with children, and more!  Sign up for free online or order the book.  Let us walk with you and encourage each other on our Lenten journey.  

Become a member of the Neighborhood: https://messyfamilyhood.com/join-jan-2021/

CANA 90 and Stations Books : https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/

In 1924, Eric Liddell gave up his place to compete in the Olympics final heat of the 100m race because it was held on a Sunday.  He probably would have won that race, but his desire to keep the Lord’s Day holy stopped him.  Would we have that courage?  Starting in Exodus, the Lord has asked HIs people to keep holy His day.  He commands us to set it apart from all other days to honor Him, but also for our own good!  God will never ask us to do something that is not good for us, and He COMMANDS us to do things essential for our health and well-being.  How does your family set this day apart?  Have you been influenced by the culture, especially with the restrictions put upon us by the pandemic?  How are you setting this day apart from all other days in your home?  Listen in for encouragement and ideas on how to reclaim the Lord’s Day.  

• Lenten program for couples - join us for Cana 90: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/
• Join our membership site, the Messy Family Neighborhood: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

January is a time of beginnings and new resolutions.  The best way to make plans for the future is to evaluate where you are today!  You can’t get directions unless you know where you are.  In this podcast, we give you some encouragement as well as a method to assess where your family is at using our Five Elements of Family Culture.  We hope that doing this assessment will inspire you to do your own Family Board Meeting, but even if you don’t, knowing where you are will help your family to make plans for your future.  

*** Find out more about our February weekend workshop on the Family Board Meeting: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Two Quizzes:Five Love Languages Quiz - https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/couples-quiz/

Temperaments Quiz - http://www.temperamentquiz.com/

We are asked very often how parents can create an environment in the home that will keep their kids close to the faith. To help give parents even more resources for this, we decided to interview Colin and Aimee MacIver, who are both parents, teachers, and authors for Ascension Press. They have created resources for parents to help them catechize their children and also to communicate the beautiful truths found in the Theology of the Body. Both Colin and Aimee are kindred spirits who have a heart for teens and their parents. They bring a wealth of experience and wisdom that we think you will benefit from! Also, we discuss our upcoming free webinar and paid Family Board Meeting workshop designed to help parents create a game plan for their family as we begin 2021. Listen in!

*** Find out more about our February weekend workshop on the Family Board Meeting: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/

Resources from Colin and Aimee: - The Catechist's Field Guide to Confirmation, by Colin MacIver - https://ascensionpress.com/products/the-catechists-field-guide-to-confirmation - Theology of the Body for Teens, Middle School Edition, Colin & Aimee MacIver, contributors - https://ascensionpress.com/products/theology-of-the-body-for-teens-middle-school-edition-student-pack-includes-online-course-access - Baptism: Belonging in the Family of God, Parent's Guide, Colin & Aimee MacIver, authors - https://ascensionpress.com/products/belonging-parents-guide-1 - Quick Catholic Lessons with Fr. Mike Schmitz - https://ascensionpress.com/collections/quick-catholic-lessons-with-fr-mike-vol-2

There are many parents who look for advice from friends, and sometimes the responses are in the form of absolute declarations about the “only way” to parent.  In reality, many parenting matters are best left to an individual’s judgment.  As Catholics, we believe that there are certain issues that are black and white, but not everything falls into that category!  The first step to responding to others with charity is to realize that our way is not always the way for everyone.  In this episode, we also take on a question about discipline when you have 3 under 3, which gives us the chance to talk about toddlers - one of our favorite topics!  And we play a recording of a question sent in by a listener about mentoring teen boys whose brains are being flooded with testosterone.  Our answer?  Look to the elephants.  No, really, we do say that.  Listen in and join the conversation!  

**Sign up for the free webinar on the Family Board Meeting: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting-2021/

For More:

• Elephants and Dads- https://www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood/humans-and-elephants-both-fare-better-with-dads-around
• Catholic Differences- https://reginadoman.blogspot.com/2020/12/my-family-church-church-as-big-rowdy.html 
• Discipling and Disciplining Our Teenagers- https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-064-discipling-and-disciplining-our-teenagers-pt-1/
• Guide to Discipline- https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/discipline-guide/

If you've been wondering how to bring the rich traditions of the Catholic Church's liturgical year into your home and into your family, this is the podcast for you! In it, we interview Kendra Tierney of Catholic All Year about incorporating the richness of our faith into the life of your family.  Kendra has lots of great ideas for moms and dads of all ages and family sizes.  After discussing the importance of incorporating Catholic traditions into family life we talk about what to do with kids of various ages, or when you have a spouse who is not enthusiastic about new traditions.  Kendra has some truly great wisdom to share!   Because this was an interview with our member site (the messy family neighborhood), we also have some great questions from other parents included in this podcast.  Listen in and get inspired to strengthen your family’s culture this Advent and Christmas season. 

Referenced:

Maidens Course: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/maidens-course/ 

Support our ministry to families: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/ 

Board Meeting Webinar: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/

The use of technology is a major issue in most households. Tech is invading our homes in an unprecedented manner and the influence on our children is something we are just beginning to comprehend. How can parents effectively navigate these waters with their children? Kids need guidance in this area more than almost any other area of Life, but it is here where parents usually are completely unaware. In this essential podcast for parents we try to light a fire underneath you and show the seriousness of the tech situation with kids. We share our own experience and start giving you tips and tricks to guide your children on their tech use.

Referenced:

Maidens Course: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/maidens-course/ 

Support our ministry to families: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

Many times when we think about taking time to pray parents’ first reaction is “I don’t have time to pray!”  But the problem with that is that prayer is the foundation of our life of faith and relationship with God.  As we pray, we grow in knowledge and love of God.  We all need that! In this podcast, we discuss internal prayer which is also called mental prayer.  The many means that the Church has given us to pray such as in our liturgy are beautiful and some are essential, but that is not all there is.  We need to take time to speak to God and hear Him speak to us in the scriptures and within our hearts.  How should you do this?  Where can you start?  Listen in as we share about our own prayer life and walk you through how we take the time to be with Our Lord.  

Referenced:

• Support the Messy Family Project: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/live-podcast-screens/ \
• Join Live Podcast on Screens and Technology: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

We have a treat for you as we are sharing a special date night interview with Scott and Kimberly Hahn. They have been married for 40 years and have six children along with eighteen grandchildren. They are world-renowned Catholic evangelists, speakers, authors and teachers. In this show they share their wisdom on falling in love and staying in love through the tough times. They share some of their struggles and not always being on the same page with great encouragement and direction for couples. They also share some of the challenges in parenting and how to effectively pass on the faith to our children.  You won’t want to miss this episode and you may want to take notes. We also had a follow-up handout if you would like to use this show as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. 

Referenced in this episode:

• Handout for this special date night: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-hahns/ 

•  

  Subscribe to our newsletter: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/
• St. Paul Center: https://stpaulcenter.com/
• Kimberly’s new podcast: https://www.belovedandblessed.com/

After 26 years of parenting you would think that we knew how to promote an atmosphere of virtue in our home automatically. But it doesn’t work that way!  We have had to stop and evaluate the way that our younger children have been treating each other and address it intentionally.  In this podcast, we share some of the teaching we gave to our kids about practicing kindness, how we followed up afterwards, and why its important to train the actions AND the hearts of our children. Listen in to hear our Seven Tips on Kids and Kindness at home as well as Mike’s reflections on his recent hike on the Appalachian Trail, update on our fabulously successful Date Night with the Hahns, upcoming events, and how to promote our podcast. 

Referenced:

• Catholic moms summit register: https://www.cardinalstudios.org/a/34145/eFUzDCVz
• Marriage summit access if desired: https://www.joyfuleverafter.org/a/27520/xSMEEApS
• Scott and Kimberly Hahn interview: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-hahns/

The sexual relationship you have with your spouse is the most intimate relationship you will ever have, but it certainly can be complicated! In this podcast, we have a conversation with Byron and Francine Pirola, founders of Smartloving and international speakers and teachers.  Our conversation about physical intimacy between spouses is honest, frank, and explicit, so please listen to this podcast in privacy.  But we do believe this information is desperately needed by couples, so we have created a summary and download for you to use after listening to the podcast to create a conversation with your spouse.  Please listen in, use this topic as a conversation starter with your spouse, and share with others!  

Referenced:

• Free Conversation Starter on Sexual Intimacy: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/physical-intimacy/ 
• Webinar with Byron and Francine Pirola: https://smartloving.org/webinars/
• Sign up for our virtual date night with Scott & Kimberly Hahn: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-hahns/

All parents will fail.  How do we know this?  Because we are all imperfect!  Many parents feel like failures when grieving over their children’s poor decisions or loss of faith. Or they look at themselves in the mirror and don’t like who they have become. How we define failure and how we deal with it will either paralyze us or call us on to greater holiness and virtue.  Recognizing how we have failed our children, and even how our own parents have failed us, is how we learn and grow.  In this podcast we define the difference between shame and guilt (one is good and the other bad!), the importance of recognizing what we can control and what we cannot, and the centrality of forgiveness in our relationships with our children, no matter what their age.  In addition to some hard truths, this podcast gives hope to every parent who wants to improve themselves through extreme ownership and humility.  

Referenced:

• Virtual date night with Scott and Kimberly Hahn in October https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-hahns/ 
• Covenant Eyes to protect your family - https://covenanteyes.sjv.io/MFP 
• Catholic Answers article: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/parents-and-the-law-of-love/
• Sign up for one minute weekly encouragement: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/sign-up-for-minutes/

This past summer our family lost a beloved uncle, brother-in-law, and husband.  Alicia’s uncle passed into eternity at home with his wife, and Alicia and her sister Maria were privileged to be present for his death.  Death is a profound experience and one that we should all think about more.  Many of us are afraid to confront the thought of death though it is (obviously!) a part of everyone’s life.  Our culture influences us more than we realize and we can get lulled into thinking this world is all there is.  But this world is not our home!  In this podcast, we share the story of walking with them through this difficult experience, but also we share our reflections and the lessons that we have learned from them. 

Referenced:

•  Virtual date night with Scott and Kimberly Hahn https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-hahns/ 
• MP 022 : Dealing with Loss https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-022-dealing-with-loss/
• Catholic Mom’s Summit https://www.cardinalstudios.org/a/34145/eFUzDCVz

In this podcast we continue to answer some very important listener questions about family life.  Many listeners have spouses who don’t share their faith life and forging unity when that is the case can be tricky.  We came up with some creative ideas on how to love your spouse more!  Other questions included disciplining pre-teens and teens and as well as forming their hearts.  Our Discipline Guide is a good place to start for this, but we expand on some of the ideas found there and apply them to our Questioner’s specific situation.  If you find our answers helpful, share the podcast, subscribe, and tell others about us.  And certainly feel free to send us more of YOUR questions as well!

Referenced:

• Join our email list to hear about the virtual date night https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/ 
• Messy Family Guide to Discipline - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/discipline-guide/
• MFP 131 : The Power of “NO” - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-131-the-power-of-no/ 
• MP 067 : Evangelizing Your Kids - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-67-evangelizing-your-kids/ 

Listeners send us questions all the time and we try to answer them as best we can via email.  Some of these questions are really great because they bring up subjects that many people struggle with. In this podcast we tackle some questions about in-laws, and we answer from the perspective of a married couple but also from being a mother and father-in-law ourselves!  We also give our advice on navigating the minefield of politics as well as social media.  Though we have a podcast on preparing tweens for adolescence, we answer a question about that as well.  Listen in and if you have more questions, email us.  Maybe you’ll be featured on the next episode of listener questions!  

Referenced:

• Join our email list to hear about the virtual date night https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/
• MP 005 : Preparing your Tween (and yourself!) for Adolescence https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-005-preparing-your-tween-and-yourself-for-adolescence/
• Maidens by His Design - https://amzn.to/32qpnRX
• Love Ed program from St. Benedict Press - https://www.saintbenedictpress.com/index.php/love-ed/

Rituals are an essential part of creating connections with other people, whether that is our spouse, our children, our extended family, our local community, and even our nation.  Rituals connect how we act with what we believe - communicate values can be contrasted with “routines” that create order and address merely physical needs. Both are important but on different levels.  When routines are disrupted, its a hassle.  When rituals are disrupted, the family cohesiveness is threatened.   When something is an obligation only with no emotional/heart connection, then the value of the ritual is lessened. 

Play and Pray Challenge for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge-complete/

Support our ministry and get the fun kit for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/patron-2020/

Looking at the turmoil we are experiencing within our culture, we are becoming more and more convinced that we, Catholic families, have the answer that people are looking for.  People are searching for purpose, belonging and identity. How do we “share” our family with the world? Well, first we need to make sure we have our own house in order.  Examine your family culture, shore up the weak areas, and be intentional about the messages you are sending.  The motivation to have a vibrant family culture is so you can take it to the next level and act in the world according to the unique giftedness that your family has been given.  We are not all called to serve in the same way -- we are all different!  When every family discovers their unique giftedness and then uses those gifts to respond to the call that God has put upon their hearts, God can establish His reign in the world.  Listen in to get motivated and learn how to discern the call that God has given to you.  

Podcast references:  Build Your Family Culture, Elements of a Family Culture, Growing a Family Culture Download

Play and Pray Challenge Sticker and Mass for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge-complete/

Support our ministry and get the fun kit for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

Many of us are looking at the events of these days with despair, sadness, and even anger.  It is hard to witness division and hatred in our world and to see the suffering of those who are caught in its crossfire.  We want to respond but many of us don’t know how to.  This is such a huge problem with far-reaching consequences and deeply rooted origins.  Parents, do not allow the devil to use that which is far off to distract you from what is near!  The greatest influence you can have is within your own home.  Parents need to proactively discuss these issues with their children in order to form them.  This is YOUR job and no one else’s.  Listen in as we share our own experience and give tips on how to address these topics with your children.  

Get free Play and Pray Challenge kit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Become a Member: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

The Play and Pray Challenge is a way for us to spread the kingdom of Jesus Christ into every home in a fun, interactive way.  We have learned that if you are going to PRAY with your family, you need to PLAY with them!  This June from the 12th to the 21st, we are challenging families to do three things: Organize and execute an amazing FAMILY DAY, plan and go on a DATE NIGHT, and proclaim Jesus Christ as the KING OF THE HOME by placing the image of the Sacred Heart in their house and “enthroning” Him as King.  We want to make this a fun and rewarding experience for families, so we have created some resources to help you out. Go to our website messyfamilyproject.org/challenge to get our Play and Pray Challenge Kit.  We want this challenge to go viral, so spread the word to get other families to do it too!  

Watch the video and sign up for the Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Join the waiting list for new member site: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

Related podcast episode: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-091-king-home/

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship.  When we trust our spouse we can stand before them, just as we are, knowing that we will be accepted.  Full knowledge with full acceptance.  That’s the goal, but the road to building trust is not easy for most of us, because we are sinful people dealing with our own shame.  As we work on our relationship with our spouse and with the Lord, we are creating a bond that helps us work together as a team and rest in the knowledge that He will be with us no matter what happens.  The reason I know “everything is going to be ok” is because I trust that God is in control.  

Join messy family member waiting list: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

One “yes” is protected by a thousand “no”s.  If we want our children to have the ability to say “yes”, to be responsible, free and, ultimately, loving people, parents need to believe in the power of NO.  When a parent says “no” and defines a boundary for a child, they are helping that child to shape who they are.  Boundaries enable children to “construct” themselves.  This is hard work for parents, usually because we don’t recognize what good boundaries are, and sometimes simply because we are lazy!  In this podcast, we talk about the book Boundaries for Kids by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud, and share some of our own experiences in defining boundaries for ourselves and our children. 

Links: 

• Virtual Date Night RSVP
• Discipline Guide
• Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud

Visit us at http://www.messyfamilyproject.org

The Church has always made it clear that parents are the primary educators of their children and chiefly responsible for their family’s spiritual formation. So what is our advice to you?  First, don’t worry if your kid fails this quarter in school and, second, turn off streaming mass and start leading your family in prayer. Be empowered to lead your family and focus on what YOU think is important during these challenging times.  In this podcast, we share some of the ways our family is bonding this month, and we give inspiration and ideas on how to lead your family. God has given you the grace. Family, become what you are!

Virtual Catholic Conference: https://aliciahernon.krtra.com/t/AMa71LKg02oQ

Guide for Holy Week through Easter for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/celebrate-palm-sunday-to-easter/

Does this sound like you?  We won’t lie - all of the sudden being forced to be with all of our children 24/7 is not easy. We are struggling just like everyone else!  But instead of asking God “why?” we need to ask “what?”. What do you want to teach us, Lord? What do you want us to do? What do you want to show us?  We have said many times that parents are the first teachers of their children and leaders of their families. Today we see that more clearly than ever!  This crisis is giving us the opportunity to rid ourselves of all the extraneous activities that normally distract us and allowing us to focus on our children.  Listen in as we give some valuable ideas, encouragement, and inspiration for this time or any time of crisis. 

“We know certainly that our God calls us to a holy life. We know that he gives us every grace, every abundant grace; and though we are so weak of ourselves, this grace is able to carry us through every obstacle and difficulty.” ~ St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

Advice and strategies for families in these challenging times, especially how to celebrate Sunday when there is no mass… sign up at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/

Men and women approach sex from two very different standpoints.  This can create tension in your marriage. Nevertheless, sex is a topic that married couples need to talk about.  In this podcast you can expect honesty, humor, and above all some great insight to help you have a more satisfying, fulfilling sex life with your spouse. Listen in and discover how you can be more open with your spouse, because this is an important way to strengthen your relationship. Get the kids out of earshot, or put in your earbuds and listen in.  Moms and Dads, this one is for your ears only.  

Marriage Check In (3 weeks to greater unity): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/marriage/

We’re expanding - job descriptions: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/were-expanding/

Upcoming Events: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/

This Lent and Easter why not walk on the path of holiness that God has laid out for you already?  We are proposing that couples intentionally embrace their calling as parents and spouses. Since we are called to love and sacrifice first within their own homes, we designed a simple program called Cana90 to challenge families to become more of who God is calling them to be – communities of life and love.  We will help you choose commitments of prayer, fasting, and mercy that turn your heart towards your family. What would Lent and Easter look like if we leaned into our vocation even more. Let us begin again and seek transformation through prayer, fasting, and mercy for our marriages and our families. 

Sign up for the Cana90 program: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/

Each of us has a story and we are part of a story.  We are part of the story of the human race, of the Church, of our country, and most importantly, you are part of the story of your own family.  In our modern world we tend to forget this! We also need to be aware that when we engage with our story in a healthy way and then we share that story with our children, we empower them.  When parents are at peace with the story of their own lives, they can share their experiences with their children and teach them using their own examples. We can give our children hope through the witness of our own lives. 

Sign up for Cana90 at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/

Other links and resources referenced see:  https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-126-sharing-your-story/

Our culture all around us is throwing tough issues into our lives and the lives of our children all the time.  We are dealing today with topics that our most of our grandparents never had to confront, let alone explain to a child.  To guide our children in the way of truth, we must first understand the truth ourselves. Then, before we communicate, we need to recognize that children have specific stages of moral development.  We as parents need to realize this so we can “feed” them information appropriately and in a way that children can digest and use correctly. In this podcast we group “tough topics” into categories and then give our take on how to explain these to children.  

Get your free book by sharing your experience of handling tough topics with your kids:  https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tough-topics-with-your-kids/

If you're interested in buying and finding out more about this great resource, visit MadeThisWayBook.com

For some couples, praying together is very natural but for others, it feels awkward or forced.  (You’ll have to listen in to hear our experience!). The reality is that there are many different ways to pray with our spouse and every couple is unique!  In this podcast, we discuss how you can engage in speaking to your Heavenly Father as a couple, bound together with Him in a covenant of love. Each type of prayer is important - blessing, intercession, plea for guidance, communal prayer, and repentance.  Growing in your prayer life is an essential way to develop and deepen your relationship, but also a way for you to support your spouse and love them more profoundly.  

Family Board Meeting worksheet: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/

For more information and resources visit https://www.messyfamilyproject.org

We started this topic in our last podcast MFP122, but there was so much to cover we had to continue the discussion! In this podcast, we discuss the different ways boys and girls deal with aggression and why parents need to teach self-control differently to their sons and daughters. Navigating friendships is another way in which parents need to understand gender differences. Don’t have the same expectations of peaceful play for your sons and daughters - they each have their own challenges! And as kids get older and become adults the process of independence looks very different for moms than it is for dads. All of this is good for parents to realize so they can appreciate the gifts of their children and their amazing uniqueness found in their personality, temperament, and gender.

For more information and resources visit https://www.messyfamilyprojetc.org

Dr. Leonard Sax’s book: https://amzn.to/2OkCn5G

In a culture that is proclaiming gender as “fluid” and is encouraging “gender-neutral” parenting, we proudly stand and say boys and girls are defined and different.  Wonderfully different. And did you know those physical variations extend beyond simply the obvious? Boys and girls have distinct wiring in the brain, eye structure, and hearing acuity.  Boys overestimate their abilities, and girls underestimate them. Boys feel just as deeply as girls, though they are less verbal. The distinctions are many and sometimes subtle. What does this deeper understanding mean for parents? The more parents realize how their sons and daughters are uniquely made, the better they will be able to understand and guide them to further maturity. In this podcast we draw from the research of Dr. Leonard Sax in his book Why Gender Matters, which we highly recommend.  There is so much ground to cover we split this into 2 podcasts! Part 2 coming next week.  

Advent Kit for Families:  https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

Tampa Event: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tampa-february-15/

Dr. Leonard Sax’s book: https://amzn.to/2OkCn5G

The power of a name, the importance of memory, the responsibility to heal the world, the reality that God dwells with us - all of these are lessons that we as Catholics can learn from the Jewish people. At the end of October 2019, we had the privilege of being guests of the Foundation Stone Institute who hosted us for a trip to Israel and the holy sites there.  We had a powerful experience visiting the places where Jesus lived, worked, preached and healed. The trip gave us a deeper understanding of our Catholic faith, but also of the Jewish people, our “elder brethren”. There were many insights that we had and lessons learned, but in this podcast, we decided to limit ourselves to four things that we walked with that we think families can benefit from.  These values have been held by the Jewish people for centuries and we can and should learn from them.  

Support this show and ministry at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

Every parent wants their children to be happy, but it seems children today are more unhappy than ever before! Part of the problem stems from the expectations and pressure on our kids and part of the problem is that most of us don’t recognize the path to happiness ourselves. Dennis Prager states, “Happiness is a moral obligation.”  We all need to realize that happiness is a choice, not something that just happens. We need to teach our children that happiness is under their control, show them the choices that lead to happiness, and then form them with the self-discipline needed to make those choices. We can’t force our children to be happy, but we can give them the guidance and tools they need to choose it for themselves.

Find out more about our mission and vision for the future: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/

There are few bigger changes in life than going from having no children to having children. After that the next biggest life change is every child that comes after!  Moms and dads who have newborns need the support of family and friends in a particular way as they make these transitions. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, and even brothers can all listen to this podcast to learn about how they can support new parents at this critical time.  It's good for parents to know that it is important to be honest about the feelings they are having because sometimes expectations do not reflect reality. Being open to life is not easy but it can bring you more joy than anything you've ever done. It can also bring more unity and strength to your marriage if you keep lines of communication open and if you are willing to be vulnerable.  

To contact us, and for more information and resources visit us at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org

Event Info: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/

We believe there is a conspiracy afoot in the world against marriage and family life, but it is not a conspiracy of earthly powers; it is a spiritual one.  Parents, by raising a family you have entered into this battle, so you need to keep your eyes open and take spiritual authority within your home and within your own life. In this podcast we discuss things like how the Evil One tries to deceive us, how we can give him footholds in our lives, and how we should respond to his attacks. By freeing yourself up to love, living in the light, and taking authority in our own lives we can live a life spiritual freedom, allowing nothing to hold us back. Remember, Christ the Victor has come to bring us life and it is by His grace and in His name that we shall overcome. 

Show links and more info can be found at: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mfp118-know-your-enemy-spiritual-warfare-for-parents

There are different types of love, but the love that is exclusive, belonging to husbands and wives is eros, a passionate, romantic love which is an essential part of any marriage. As parents we are concerned with so many things - keeping our families financially afloat, the many needs of the children, feeding and clothing everyone - it is easy to neglect to fan the flame of romance between you and your spouse.  In this podcast we give you some encouragement and practical ideas for ways wives can pursue their husbands and how husbands can pursue their wives. We talk about WHY this is important and HOW you can do it better than you are today.  

Take Our Listener Survey - https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MFP2019-podcastsurvey

The Four Loves by CS Lewis - https://amzn.to/2LncWyW

Love Languages episode - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-015-love-languages/

Messy Family Minute Weekly Email - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/sign-up-for-minutes/

St. Francis would tell his followers “Let us begin again for until now we have done nothing.”  This is a great inspiration for us because sometimes we feel like we are always beginning again with new habits, plans, and goals for our family.  We are the most consistently inconsistent parents out there! But we have become less stressed out about our inconsistency because we see that it is an opportunity to begin again with our children.  It is hard to create habits in ourselves, let alone a group of children! But habits are an important part of formation, as the quote above from Stephen Covey shows. Since we have made so many plans with our family, we would like to share with you some of what we have learned in creating habits for your family.  In this podcast we discuss questions such as how do you create appropriate habits for your family? How do you come up with a plan with your spouse? How do you keep those kids motivated?  

7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: https://amzn.to/2Zj05l1

The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family:  https://amzn.to/2ZgndRj

Amazing Camp for Teens: https://cysc.com/

Special weekend in Tampa for couples in February 2020… interested in hearing more? https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tampa-february-15/

Our society not only devalues mothers, but also underestimates their importance in the life of a newborn child.  Some biologists believe that humans are born too soon because so much formation happens in the first years of life outside the womb.  The essential element in this formation is the mother. No matter how much time a mother spends with her child vs. being in the workplace, the quality of her relationship with her infant is what makes the difference.  In this podcast, we use the book Being There: The Importance of the First Three Years by Erica Komisak as a reference for parents seeking to do all they can to develop a healthy, securely attached, independent child. 

Buy this book : https://amzn.to/318grhz

Get our messy family newsletter: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/

Family Retreat Kit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-retreat-2019-3/

Related shows

Every Mother is a Working Mother - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-046-every-mother-is-a-working-mother/

High Powered Parents - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-092-high-powered-parents/

Social fragmentation, the break down of the family, isolation, and stress has wounded and broken many of us. Families need to be honest about their need for professional help - honest with themselves and with those around them.  It is a sign of strength to admit weakness! Plus, there are burdens that parents simply cannot carry alone. Marriage counselors, child therapists, 12 Step groups, doctors, and support groups are all resources that families can and should take advantage of in order to function in a healthy, holy way.  Counseling can offer hope, healing, and a path forward. Listen in as we discuss some of the challenges and obstacles, what to look for in a counselor as well as a note on therapy for children. 

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty’s A Catholic Guide to Depression - https://amzn.to/2XAWqmF 

Mike interview with Dr. Kheriaty for EWTN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SIWlQ0ZUqY

Article on choosing a good therapist  - https://www.catholiccounselors.com/choosing-a-therapist-a-guide-for-catholics/

Parenting is a path to holiness, that is clear.  Part of this growth in your holiness is taking on the responsibility for the formation of your children.  It's hard to form people! But it is a job for unselfish, dedicated parents and no one can do it better than you can!  In this podcast, we discuss principles that are important to keep in mind as we form our children. Ideas such as your children are not the center of your family, but part of a community; that you need to teach your children to give themselves away; that trust is earned and love requires boundaries.  We pick a few other rules that we have found to be important in our parenting to pass on to you. Along with parenting philosophy will come some very practical insights also that will help you form your children and bring peace to your household.

Family Retreat Kit and Videos: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-retreat-2019-3/

Related Episodes and Blog Post:

The Irreplaceable Role of Parents (episode): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-079-the-irreplaceable-role-of-parents/

The Irreplaceable Role of Parents (blog post): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/the-irreplaceable-role-of-parents/

Growing a Family Culture: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-096-building-a-family-culture-part-1/

During our tour of Australia, we had the opportunity to meet many listeners and make some amazing new friends.  One of our events was a day seminar for engaged and newly married couples with an Australian ministry - The Marriage Project.  During the day, we had a time to take questions from the audience and we loved it! It was great to experience firsthand the desire that these couples had for intentional, authentic relationships with each other and with their greater community.  We answered questions about blending families, challenge of children and marriage, discerning family size, and even our most important piece of advice to a newly married couple (that one was hard!). We hope you enjoy hearing us interacting with our listeners and hearing us really think on our feet!  

Catholic Family Fests: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/catholic-family-vacation/

Summer Family Retreat Box: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/summer-family-retreat-box/

“The family is indeed more than any other social reality, the place where an individual can exist ‘for himself’ through the sincere gift of self...it is the ‘sanctuary of life'”

~ St. John Paul II, Letter to Families, #11

This episode is our first LIVE podcast, recorded during our Australian Tour in May 2019.  During this tour, we presented a seminar sponsored by our good friends (Australians, read “mates!” ) at the Marriage Project.  In this talk we examined the question “What is the nature of family?” Society cannot define was this nature is, because society did not give family its nature. Family has a given meaning all its own. According to St. John Paul II, a family is a community of life whose mission it is to guard, reveal and communicate love. It is a man and woman bound together in a life long commitment whose love is fruitful.   Therefore, our understanding of marriage must be seen within the context of family, since not only do we all come from a family, but we are made for family.

• Survey about future membership site: https://messyfamilypro.wpengine.com/membership/
• Join our newsletter (don’t miss out):https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact-us-legacy/subscribe

 “Are you the adult you want your child to become?” ~ Dr. Brene Brown

High emotions and the advent of adolescence seem to go hand in hand.  Instead of getting caught up into our children’s emotion and the drama that may ensue, parents need to truly be “the adult in the room” and be an example of how to deal with strong feelings in a appropriate way.  To do this, we parents need to be self-aware and conscious of our own woundedness and need for healing. Only then can we be an example to our children and a source of hope sending the message that they CAN overcome.  We need to empathize with our child and empower them to master their emotions while using their intellect and will to act, thus integrating all their faculties to act virtuously. It's hard for parents to teach pre-teens and teens how to handle drama, but this is the job of hard-working, devoted parents!

• Survey about future membership site: https://messyfamilyproject.org/community
• Join our newsletter (don’t miss out):https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact-us-legacy/subscribe
• Cana 90 meditations (Lent & Easter seasons):https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90   
• Schedule for MFP events in Australia: https://www.facebook.com/757182281305801/posts/845469395810422?sfns=mo 

Additional resources for this episode:

• Dr. Brene Brown on empathy https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw
• More from Brene Brown Daring Greatly https://amzn.to/2XRd2C8 and Power of Vulnerability https://amzn.to/2WgmlLI
• Teaching Your Child Self-control:https://messyfamilyproject.org/collections/podcast/mp-090-teaching-your-children-self-control
• Raising Confident Kids Who Aren’t Full of Themselves: https://messyfamilyproject.org/collections/podcast/mp-043-raising-confident-kids-who-aren-t-full-of-themselves
• Discipling and Disciplining Our Teenagers: https://messyfamilyproject.org/collections/podcast/mp-064-discipling-and-disciplining-our-teenagers-part-1

Have you ever felt like your world was going up in smoke?  Listen in as we explain this dramatic story of our car fire, where no injuries occurred or lives lost, but the disaster was complete.  Though the loss was great, God’s faithfulness and providence was even greater. We felt it was not a coincidence that this happened during the season of Lent because we are able to see the themes of fasting through detachment from goods, mercy that was shown to us, and the prayer that protected us and our children. No matter how Satan plans our demise, God can always have the victory.

Video and article: https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/video-lent-and-how-we-narrowly-escaped-a-car-fire-aleteia

Join our newsletter (don’t miss out): https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact/subscribe

Cana 90 meditations: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tag/cana90/   

“The world offers you comfort, but you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.” ~ Pope Benedict XVI

Men today can’t do anything right. The world has taken the idea of masculinity and distorted it to the point that it is barely recognizable from the ideal man celebrated one hundred years ago. As dynamic Catholics living in this time, we want to celebrate men and encourage them to reclaim their true identity and realize who God created them to be - fully using their gifts and masculine qualities to serve others. In this podcast, we use the apostolic letter “Into the Breach” written by Bishop Olmsted of Phoenix, AZ to put forward and answer three questions - What does it mean to be a Catholic man? How do men love? And why is fatherhood so crucial?

The Apostolic Exhortation: Into the Breach

Wild at Heart:

Abba’s Heart:

Check out past posts for Cana 90

“Prayer knocks at the door, fasting obtains, mercy receives.” ~St. Peter Chrysologus

We have a very exciting program to share with you all in this podcast that we are doing for Lent. We know that we want to bring our wills and our hearts closer to God, but how do we make sacrifices and offer up our wills as a married couple? What do sacrifices in Lent look like when you are raising children and are already laying down your life and your body for them? Our beautiful faith provides the answer for us. Offer up our prayers and fasting to subdue our wills and then show mercy first to those closest to us, our spouse and children. Allow all the “built in” sacrifices that we do NOT choose during the day to become an offering pleasing to God. Do it all under the authority of your spouse, who you also have authority over. Listen to this podcast and sign up for more ideas, structure, and accountability in Cana 90!

Sign up for the Cana 90 program: https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90

  “Wash the cup not because it is dirty, or because you are told to, but because you love the person who will use it after you ~St. Teresa of Calcutta

Very frequently people will email or write to us asking for our organization secrets, tips, or techniques. Our secret is.. We don’t really have one. We do have principles and a philosophy that we live by, but the perfect system of organization for our home still eludes us. But, what we can give you is an overall view of how we make decisions and communicate with our children on making our home run so children are clothed, fed, and get where they need to go (for the most part!).

Doing chores and managing schedules takes up much of our time as a family, but in the context of family culture, that is actually not the most important part of your family. Family operations needs to be seen in the context of your WHOLE family life and parents need to make sure the rest of the family culture is not neglected because so much energy is spent on our physical needs. Listen to the podcast, and then take a look as some of the resources that go with this podcast on our website. Also we have more practical tips listed on a blog post (Tips on Chores).

Great Products and Resources: Please use these links as the ministry gets a small commission if you sign up the free app or purchase any of books or products.  We love and use these:

• We have just switched over to Cozi for the family chores, calendar, and shopping list. Very impressed so far.  Cozi is the #1 family organizing app. Create a free Cozi account and you'll also get the 2018 Summer Planner Printables!
• Alicia loves Norwex for cleaning everything in our house. Norwex - the power to clean without harsh chemicals.

This books was so helpful in our household management - Don Aslett's Make Your House do the Housework

Also we have used this to help keep the Hernon army well fed. Perhaps you should consider Once a Month Cooking

Previous podcasts referenced:

• MP014 - Chores
• MP042 - Family Routine
• MP096 - Building a Family Culture
• MFP103 - Family Board Meeting

“Love is never something ready made, something merely given to man and woman, it is...a task which they are set. Love should be seen as something which never ‘is’ but is always only ‘becoming’...” - St. John Paul II

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” - Brené Brown

There have been times in our marriage when we felt ourselves drifting apart. Not because of any one catastrophic event, but just because we weren’t working on our relationship. We were just getting by. But in a culture antithetical to marriage, just "getting by" is not enough. All Catholic couples need to work to cultivate a dynamic, vibrant relationship, strong enough to bear the demands of family life, and weather everything the world will throw at it.

The reality is, we are never done working on our marriage. In this podcast, we discuss the importance of “checking in” with our spouse to see how we are doing. To do this effectively we need to practice how to listen but also practice being vulnerable. This podcast has a worksheet that you can download at our website and use as a tool to work with your spouse towards a more intentional, unified marriage.

Download our three-part guide to a more united marriage at https://messyfamilyproject.org/marriage

Also you will find other items we mentioned like a parish bulletin insert and how to celebrate and advocate for marriage online.

It's not about the nail video- https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/its-not-about-the-nail

Today we discussed a great book called Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. If you get a copy at Amazon by clicking this link, our ministry gets a small donation. Thanks in advance!

A parenting fail is simply a lesson wrongly considered.

~ Mike and Alicia Hernon

Have you ever let your emotions get the better of you? Have a discipline plan go south? Have a fun family time turn into a disaster? Yes, us too. All parents make mistakes! Even though we have a marriage and family podcast and we share advice and ideas, please don’t think that we (like you!) haven’t had some big “fails” ourselves! In this podcast, we share some stories of things we have done that didn’t turn out the way we planned. The good news is that through these fails we have learned lessons that stay with us even today. Hopefully you will be able to see yourselves in our stories, laugh a little bit and maybe even learn something from these examples of our own messy parenting!

“A family doesn’t need to be perfect; it just needs to be united.”

Families are busy - running from place to place with little time to look where they are going or to even form an idea of what they want their family to look like. The Family Board Meeting is a tool that couples can use to cast a vision for their family and create concrete goals that will make that vision a reality. In this podcast we discuss the importance of this time, talk about elements of a Family Board Meeting, and we give suggestions on logistics that will make it happen.

Go to our website https://messyfamilyproject.org/our-resources/free to download the guide that can go along with this podcast. Creating a vision for your family and setting goals as a team is a powerful way for couples to be more intentional about building their own family culture.

“Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 19:14

Most parents realize that young children are not little adults and they have particular needs for their physical and mental well-being. We must realize that they have particular needs for their spiritual well-being as well. Parents need to learn how to tend the seed of their child’s faith life and that starts with acknowledging the differences, and realizing that in many ways, the child is closer to God than we are! The beautiful thing about parenting is that as we nurture our child’s faith, we will grow closer to God ourselves. We must learn from the child how to have a “child-like” faith as Jesus taught in the gospels. Listen in as we explain how the child’s faith is different than ours and how we can nurture their faith in appropriate ways.

Book referenced during today's show:

Looking for Catechesis of the Good Shepherd in your area?  Visit CGS USA

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

More than any other topic, discipline is something listeners have asked us to address in our podcast. Our hesitation has been that this is just such a complicated topic! One that deserves much time and thought because, well… it's complicated and there are no easy answers, as much as we would like there to be. So instead of trying to cover all things regarding discipline, we decided to give some foundational beliefs in our discipline philosophy. This podcast explores 5 principles of discipline that all parents can apply to their children, not matter what the age. This podcast compliments our Guide to Discipline found on our website.

Podcasts referenced - The Five Love Languages, The Irreplaceable Role of Parents, and Parenting as a Team.

Welcome to the 100th podcast!  We are celebrating the public launch of our ministry with new branding, new website, and even new intro and outro music on the podcast itself!  As promised, we decided to interview the people who had more influence on our parenting than anyone else, and who have taught us the most. Those people would be (drum roll, please!) our children!  We hope you find both interviews entertaining and informative (though the younger kids were more entertaining than informative!). We decided that 12 people talking altogether would be too much so we first interviewed the oldest 5 children and then the youngest 5.    We talk about such topics as - What are the best and worst parts of being in a big family? What life lessons have you learned from our family? How did you handle fighting with siblings growing up? What did that teach you? It was fun for us to interview the older children and hear what influenced them and made the biggest impression on them.  They came up with some really great insights that we hadn’t even thought of! We hope you can listen in and celebrate with us, but also gain some insight and inspiration from hearing from the Hernon Ten.

We listen to what our parents say to us because this is how we figure out who we are. – Dr. Meg Meeker

The words that parents say to their children are important, but equally as important (if not more) is HOW we say those words. We have found this through our own struggles with yelling! Communication happens not only verbally, but also emotionally, so our words can be lost in the way in which we express ourselves. When we raise our voices in anger through yelling we may unintentionally be verbally assaulting our own children. In this show we talk about having a plan, getting perspective and asking for help.

Stay connected and hear about the new website, Advent box, and more by signing up for our newsletter: https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact-us-legacy/subscribe

Raising children is beautiful but also hard work. It’s a task for unselfish, devoted parents. ~ Archbishop Chaput

Parenting is not for cowards, that is for sure! Thankfully, God gives children two parents who, when they work together, can provide the best environment for their child. But working together can be tough. Spouses come from different backgrounds, have different personalities, virtues, and vices. All of this needs to be worked through to get in sync with each other. Presenting a united front to your children is not only good for them, its good for you and your marriage as well. Listen in as we give some tips on how to parent together with respect, unity, and God’s grace.

"Each family finds within itself a summons that cannot be ignored and that specifies both its dignity and responsibility: family, become what you are” (Familiaris Consortio, #17)

We have discussed how important a family culture is. It is a powerful construct that communicates more effectively than your words alone can. But how do parents build a healthy culture in their home? What should the elements be? The first priority should be building a spiritual life, which we discussed in “Building a Family Culture” but what comes after that? In this podcast, we discuss the next 4 priorities: your marriage, the family’s network of relationships, discovering giftedness, and family operations. Listen in and then take some time to discuss with your spouse what needs to be strengthened in the culture you are building in your home. (BONUS: At the very end we are joined by a special guest.)

Sign up for more on Family Culture at https://messyfamilyproject.org/community

Creating a Family Culture is a powerful way to influence our children in a way that goes beyond our relationship with any one individual child. It is greater than just you or your spouse. Family Culture is the unspoken system that binds your family together and communicates your expectations, beliefs, and values more powerfully than any written word. It is a natural construct, but it is actually spiritual also because it creates an invisible web that binds your family together. This system of values and beliefs that result in behavior powerfully forms the way of life for your family. Parents need to be thoughtful and intentional about the culture that they are stewarding within their home. Listen in as we explain the priorities that should be found in a healthy family culture.  Part 1 of 2... more to come

Siblings: Children of the same parents each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together ~ Sam Levenson

One of the greatest gift we can give our children is more brothers and sisters. But as parents our responsibility isn’t just to provide those siblings and just walk away saying, “Hope it all works out!”. We need to provide the environment and guidance that children need to have healthy, life-giving relationships with their brothers and sisters. This is a challenge - no doubt about it! But the effort that parents put into this formation is worth it in the long run. Listen in as we give tips, perspective, and encouragement to all parents who are working to overcome sibling challenges.

“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions it is up to us to share our calm, not join in the chaos”

You are at a friend's house for dinner with your kids. The 3 and 5 yr old are playing on the floor. Each has a toy, but then one child decides that he wants what his friend has. Chaos ensues. What are parents to do? How do you deal with your child? What do you say to the little friend? How do you manage this with your hosts? This is a sticky situation that many parents run into - how can you have peace between little kids visiting together? We talk about this and give some realistic expectations on little kids play and social interactions.

“...the ability to be “at leisure” is one of the basic powers of the human soul.” - Josef Pieper, Leisure, the Basis of Culture

How many of us really appreciate what it mean to enjoy leisure in our lives? Life can’t be just about work, and simply “having fun” doesn’t capture what we really need to be rejuvenated in our lives. We need to allow ourselves to just “be” and we need to also create that culture within our family. Taking time for reading, creating, or playing games is one of the ways we can have a foretaste of heaven. In this podcast we discuss this topic, but we also give a list of recommended games for different age groups and games that the whole family can play, no matter what the age!

Interested in the list of fun games we mentioned on this podcast?  Sign up for our newsletter or contact us.

To be in your child’s memories tomorrow you have to be in their lives today. ~ Unknown.

Be who you were made to be and you will set the world on fire. ~ St. Catherine of Siena

There are parents in this world who are greatly gifted. They started out as Catholic men and women who were highly successful in their professional lives and had made sacrifices to get there. When children come into the picture, how do these professionals, who are now parents, order their lives to make family a top priority? In this podcast, we discuss the principles that parents can apply in ordering these goods - the good of developing your professional skill and the good of family life - towards the optimal path to holiness and wholeness. There are no simple answers, but with prayer and discussion parents can make a decision that will give them peace.

Take the survey at: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MPSummer

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"Sanctify the family and you will sanctify the world."

No, we are not talking about dad (although he may be king of the remote!) We have a different King in mind.

62% of children say they stopped being Catholic between the ages of 10 and 17 according to the CARA research center. This means children are losing their faith while they are under their parent’s roof. How can we make sure our kids are not part of this statistic? What can a modern Catholic family do to create an environment that helps keep our kids faithful? Where should we start? We believe the “secret weapon” for Catholic families in the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart of Jesus within your home. When families proclaim publicly that Jesus Christ is King, great mercies and graces flow into the family. Listen in as we explain what this means and how to use this “secret weapon” to keep your family close to Christ.

Resources:

• Enthronement of the Sacred Heart Ceremony
• Become a monthly supporter
• Books on Enthronement

“Emotions are like children. You shouldn’t lock them in the trunk, but you don’t want them driving the car either”

Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn’t get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self control is an under appreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success. Instead of embracing the maxim of today, “Just do it!” we should be echoing the slogan of the 80’s anti-drug campaign which was “Just say no!”. Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver’s seat of life.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference” ~Elie Wiesel

Have you ever felt distant from your spouse? Living like married singles in the same house? or maybe just some dryness in your marriage? Every marriage goes through cycles of romance and then disillusionment which can lead to true joy. But without intentional decisions and actions, marriages can get stuck in indifference and that is a very real danger. What are the most effective steps to move out of this stage? How do you overcome indifference? In this podcast we give some practical and simple advice to husbands and wives who are striving for an exceptional marriage.

Related Episodes:

• Five Love Languages
• Vulnerability in Marriage
• Arguing in Marriage

We regularly get questions from our listeners on a variety of topics. Some can become podcasts, some are answered individually, but some questions are a bit in between. On this episode, we tackle someone struggling with outgrowing a friendship and wondering how to handle that and another who is working to build community where they are. Another listener has an autistic son and would like to encourage all Catholics to be sensitive and inclusive, especially in church. We had another question about godparenting when the parents of your godchild are not practicing their faith. All important and relevant issues for parents everywhere. Listen in to hear our take on these questions and then feel free to contact us with some of your own issues!

Referenced episodes:

• Building Community
• Godparenting
• Evangelizing as a family
• Prepare the Way (video)

Dads, no one will call you Hero like your daughter will. - Dr. Meg Meeker

The Father-Daughter relationship is sweet and sometimes cute, but the reality is that it is of vital importance in the light of every girl who will become a woman. Father’s don’t have to be perfect, but they need to be intentional about how they relate to their daughters. Well-fathered daughters enter the world with a healthy respect for themselves, and for men in general which often can help them enter into deeper, more fulfilling relationships as they enter adulthood. Listen in as we give some insight, inspiration and ideas on how you can work on your relationship with your daughter.

Resources:

• Steubenville Father Daughter Dance
• Articles and Posts from Dr. Meg Meeker on Raising Daughters
• The Surprising Ways Your Father Impacts Who You’ll Marry
• Devotional for Strong Fathers, Strong Daughter

“Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way...” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Very few of us are blessed to be surrounded by people who agree with us on our faith or values 100% of the time, but we need to navigate these relationships and keep them healthy in spite of our differences. This is true especially in parental relationships because honoring your parents is a commandment, without a caveat or condition. The reality is that when people are critical of our faith, our values, or our parenting choices we need to learn to respond first with love and charity. It is a simple answer but a difficult one. In this podcast, we give 5 steps in loving those who differ with us. This podcast was sponsored by an anonymous supporter who is struggling to stay in relationships with family members who disagree with their practice of the Catholic faith.

Our family is a circle of strength and love. Every joy shared adds love, every crisis faced makes the circle stronger. With every birth and every marriage, the circle grows.

All of the parenting we have done for our son has led up to this point. The point where he separates from us and forms his own family. Feb 10, 2017 our son Patrick married Cassie in our hometown of Steubenville and it was a wedding to remember! Not everything went perfectly as planned, but that didn’t matter. The bride and groom beautifully reflected the love that God has for all of us and the formation of this new family should give all Catholics another reason to hope. We are so proud of our son and our new daughter, and we hope you are inspired by their wedding story!

Screens are part of our world and they are here to stay. TV, computers, smartphones, tablets are all around us and becoming an essential element in our everyday lives. Though many would like to demonize these devices, the reality is that they are amoral - not good nor bad. It is our job as parents to help our children learn to use these screens in a way that is beneficial for their physical, social, and emotional development. Screens are a big issue for parents and a complex one. In this podcast, we discuss navigating this topic with our kids and why limiting screens is it actually more of a challenge for parents than for children.

“Their performance might be high in gaming and internet information processing, but what about performance in low-tech activities such as building relationships? Parenting? Achieving greatness at anything, from sports to music to business?” ~Amy and Evelyn Guttmann

Links:

• What Screen Time and Screen Media Do To Your Child’s Brain and Sensory Processing Ability
• American Academy of Pediatrics: Media Use by Children
• Previous Messy Parenting episode on Kids and Technology

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Ps 37:4

Making decisions is a stressful and sometimes difficult task for most of us, especially when you are a parent. Deciding where to live, what job to take, or how to educate your children are probably three of the most important decisions you will make. How can you know what God wants?  How can you discern what is best for you and for your family?  In this podcast, we discuss things to consider when you have to make a big decision. God wants to bless you. Just seek His face, stay close to Him, and don’t stress out!

Resources:

• • Fr. Mike Scanlan’s What Does God Want
  • TV Show with Fr. Timothy Gallagher on Discovering God’s Will
  • Related podcast: MP 033: Educational Choice

We are all looking for the perfect gift. What gift is more treasured than our Lord? Many of you deeply desire for your children to know Christ in a special way this Christmas. In this video broadcast, we encourage you to first receive from the Lord, because we can’t give what we don’t have ourselves. In order to celebrate Christmas, use this time to seek reconciliation and give generously what you have been given. We can very simply honor the birth of our Lord through the very gift of ourselves to others.

This is our fourth Advent broadcast and would love to hear your reaction. By signing up for our email newsletter we will also send you links for a great Christmas album that your family will enjoy. At the end of this is a sample with our daughters singing the Angel Gabriel.

Related episodes:

• Holidays with In-laws and Out-laws
• Forgiveness
• Family Prayer
• Busyness

Make Advent a time to renew your family's faith life with scripture.

This the audio version from the Advent video series from Messy Parenting. Our hope with this series is to help you make Jesus Christ the King of your family and unleash God’s power in your parenting. This is the second of the four part series.

This week we focus on "Making the Word of God Flesh in Your Home". In 20 minutes we share 3 ways to make scripture come alive this Advent (and throughout the year).

"Seven days without prayer makes one weak."

The days between Thanksgiving and Christmas are full of many tasks, which are fun and beautiful, but also may take our eyes off of the One we need most at this time. Making room for prayer in our busy schedules isn’t just something that is important during Advent, but is an essential part of parenting and living as a Catholic in this crazy world. In this podcast, we take some time to define WHY we should pray, HOW you can pray, and, most importantly, WHEN you can pray.

Why should we parents pray?

1. Out of justice, because God deserves your prayer 2. To gain inner peace and take time to slow down 3. To refocus on the meaning of life and remember what matters most 4. To receive grace and strength for your day 5. To seek His blessing, provision, and protection for your family 6. To listen to God and receive His wisdom for your life 7. To allow God to love you. Gaze upon Him and let the Lord gaze upon you.

“A child will have many friends and companions in their lives, but they will only ever have two parents.”

The role of parents in the lives of their children cannot be underestimated. Of course, we have a natural and biological role that is irreplaceable for our children - we are to protect and provide for them - but we sometimes forget our irreplaceable emotional and spiritual role. The world would like to tell us otherwise, but we need to stand firm in the truth that we have a dignity and responsibility as parents that we can't surrender. When your children are young, you are not there to be your child’s friend, companion, or buddy. You need to be the authority figure, the protector, the image of God the Father to them. This is a daunting task, but God will give you the grace you need.

Because this podcast is so important, we've listed an outline of it below.

What is your “irreplaceable role”? How can you take your rightful place in the life of your child in a way that no one else can?

• Protect them. Infants and toddlers need protecting, but so do teenagers. Looks different, but someone has to do it.
• Provide for them. We realize we need to give food, clothing and shelter, but we also need to provide for kids emotionally, socially, and spiritually.
• Form them. You are the first and best teacher of your child. Lean into that role and use the power of your relationship to speak to their heart.
• Be a student of your child. Observe them. Learn their personality type. Find what motivates them. This is true at every age. We all want to be known and it gives security like nothing else to be “known” by your parents.
• Invest in them. If you died tomorrow, in a few weeks your workplace would find someone to replace you. But your children would be changed forever by your loss. Your family is the greatest return on your investment. And your family needs you more than anyone else.
• Give them a sense of identity and belonging. Your child is a son or daughter of God and you are the one to confirm that identity. Create a family culture so your child knows that when the world beats them up, they will always know who they are and have a place in your home.
• Give them a sense of purpose. One of the highest and most important needs of man is a sense of purpose. Children need to know that God has a plan for their lives, that He has a mission specifically for them. Their life has a purpose, and you will be there to walk beside them and find that purpose together.